End of Semester Reflection

I wish that you could see everything I did to my story, not just my first and final draft. I
think that would show you more of how I’ve developed and grown as a writer, because a lot of
the things I learned I applied to a different draft of the story. Unfortunately, I cut most of these
edits because it didn’t fit my story or made it worse. But one of the most obvious changes is the
context I gave my main character, Anne. I created a backstory for her and tied in her mother,
which was something I briefly touched on for my midterm story. You can see in the first draft
that I wrote that her mother picked out Anne’s bedroom curtains, and my final story took that
line and built on it to show the influence of Stella (the mother) in Anne’s life. When we had the
conference about my midterm story, Lisa mentioned that she wanted me to explain the line I had
written about Stella (who at the time, had no name). It was extremely difficult deciding on what I
wanted to for her. On the one hand, I wanted Anne to be a pure sociopath, not someone the
readers would feel for. But I also knew that having context would be helpful to the story, and I
think the story I created actually made Anne a somewhat likeable character (or at least someone
that you could somewhat sympathize). I couldn’t come up with a good story that provided
background information while also keeping Anne as that crazy person, so I took the more
traditional route of her having an unusual life.
Other improvements I made over the course of revision were smaller changes. I fixed a
few inconsistencies that I noticed while rereading my original, such as the man suddenly
disappearing after he kills the woman. He smiled at Anne, and then I mention her surveying the
scene before her, and he is nowhere in that scene. So I wrote his exit, having him simply return
to the shadows. In my midterm story I also mentioned Anne being sad and seemingly lonely,
shown in the last line of my first paragraph. But this didn’t make sense, so I revised it to where
she preferred to be alone, and I developed this idea in her backstory as well. I’d also received
several comments that it was still a bit unclear Anne was imagining killing the lady, and that the
woman hadn’t just been murdered twice. This was surprisingly difficult for me to rewrite
because I didn’t want to explicitly say that it was only a fantasy. I wanted it to be implied yet still
evident, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it. I eventually ended up simply stating that it was all
in her head, but I think the improvement isn’t so much in the fact that I fixed it but rather how I
felt about it. In the beginning, I kept comparing myself to professional writers, to the stories I’d
read. It frustrated me that I couldn’t write as if the words just flowed together perfectly, or as
sophisticatedly as them. But the deeper I got into the process, I realized that it didn’t matter. I
became proud of myself and my writing, and it became less about trying to write like others and
more about feeling confident in my words.
When I first read “My Children, Who Sleep from the Ceiling” by Alyssa Asquith, I
immediately noted her word choice. Even though her story was hard to analyze and it was
difficult to find the deeper meaning she was going for, on the surface, her work was very easy to
read. Despite it being easily comprehendible, it was also very well-written. If you look back at
my diagnostic story, my wording is very elementary and easy to read. But Asquith’s writing
found a balance between sounding intelligent yet simple. I tried to do that in “The Calm Before
the Storm”. I chose words that most of us learn at a young age, but when I strung them together,
they wouldn’t sound childish. I also drew inspiration from Madeline Eary’s short story “Peanut
Butter”. In what was my favorite story I’d read this semester, she made subtle references back to
peanut butter and its qualities throughout her work, such as it being hard to swallow or being
easily stuck in her throat. I also attempted to circle back to something throughout the story,
which in my case, was the description of Anne’s surroundings. In the first and last paragraph I
talked about what the outside looked like- a dark sky with sparkling stars, the way the light from
the lampposts appeared, the concrete, the things on the ground, etc. I also tried to make sure the
images I created were not too repetitive by contrasting the language with gloomier adjectives in
the first paragraph and nicer, prettier details in the final one. Continuing with features, I did my
best to steal from Kara Oakleaf’s story “Rumors of Ice”. Her story was flash fiction, I believe
only a page long, but I loved reading it because of how beautifully she had described everything.
In one line, she characterizes ice as “Thin and filmy and only a trace of solidarity”. In another
line, she writes “The smallest of ripples move toward us, and we watch them wash over this tiny
gloss of ice, this perfect, delicate memory of winter, and coax it back into liquid”. Those are only
two examples of how concise yet expressive her writing is, and I am so jealous. I honestly love it
so much, it is hard for me to explain just how much I admire it. While my descriptions pack less
of a punch than hers do, I did try to keep the details short as well, making sure I didn’t go
overboard in illustrating the way something looked. For example, I wrote “The lady is well-
dressed, diligently stepping around the debris in her blazing red heels and clutching her phone to
her ear”. I made sure not to over-depict, choosing not to talk about her physical attributes, or by
explaining exactly what she was wearing. I only mentioned what I thought was important to the
story.
At the beginning of the semester, writing had become a drag for me. I had loved it when I
was younger, but once I was introduced to academic writing, the whole act started to suck, no
matter what my topic was. I do still feel this way in some part. So much of it is tied to a grade,
even in this class. I think I’ve just associated writing with needing to please others or to get that
A, because that’s what I have had to do over the years. It doesn’t matter how hard I try; I just
can’t escape that mindset of “Would this get me an A?”. However, I don’t feel this way 100%. I
actually have enjoyed writing this semester, for example with revising my story. That process
was surprisingly fun for me, and despite having some writer’s block, developing my story and
seeing its outcome made me happy. I know it doesn’t seem like my story changed too much,
that’s why I wish you could’ve seen it before I finalized it. But trust me, I cut and added so much
stuff, I feel like at one point, I was creating a new story within it.
I’ve decided that I do need music in the background while I’m writing. I thought it would
be a distraction, but I’ve come to realize that I need it to focus because I can’t stand having
random noises. Like right now, as I’m sitting here writing my reflection, I can hear my family in
the kitchen, and there’s too many sounds like drawers opening and closing and the sink running.
I need consistency, and music drowns out the other noises. Weirdly, I think my ideal location for
writing depends on who I’m around. Right now, I’m in my office and there’s no one around. I
know I could also write if I were sitting alone in a coffee shop somewhere. But if I had to write
with any family members in the same room as me, or in the library if my friends were there, I
couldn’t focus. I can’t explain why, but I just need to be somewhere either alone or surrounded
by strangers. My writing process has changed since August as well, and definitely for the better.
I used to start by stalling and creating titles, changing the font and its size, or writing headings
(name, date, class, etc.). Now, I just start writing once I’ve thought of a topic. I do all those
technical things at the end. I have also started using outlines more. Though I don’t need them all
the time, just when I get stuck on something. For my final story, I had a general idea, but I
wasn’t sure how I wanted it to end. So I wrote down everything that was going to happen before
then, and I compiled a list of potential outcomes. Then I narrowed it down. I do still show my
parents my work first so they can go through and critique it. They don’t just comment on my
grammar or spelling, they actually look at subject matter and the way I’ve written everything, so
they are very crucial in my writing process. It used to be that after I made revisions according to
their suggestions and had them reread it one more time, I’d send it in. Now, after going through
the revision regimen, I know more about what revising actually is so that will certainly become a
part of my process as well. I’ll make their edits and then take it further before I have them read it
for the second time.
I honestly could not tell you a good writer’s process, because everyone’s course is
different. I’m sure there are outlines involved, and lots of markings and scrapping and editing.
Much more than I’ve ever had to do. Thinking back to some of the writers I’ve learned about,
their processes often start with an idea and just going with it. They go back and make technical
tweaks much later but do a lot of content changes first. And there are always lots of breaks. But
that’s not for everyone, because again, everyone is different. In the beginning of the year, I didn’t
realize how much “good” writers truly go through to get their pieces to the way they look when
they’re published or finalized. I think I believed that the whole thing came naturally to them, that
there wasn’t much revising needed because it was already great to begin with. In my cocurricular
plan, I listened to two great writers describe their processes and what the steps towards finishing
their books looked like, and that was a real eye opener to how much writers do to their pieces. I
knew it wasn’t easy, but I never imagined it was as exhausting and as long of a process as it
really is.
All of my classes for next semester count towards my majors or minor so unfortunately, I
won’t be able to explore writing creatively during a class anymore. I will have to do more
academic writing (which I hate), but I am hoping some of what I learned will be applicable to
formal writing. I know it won’t line up exactly the same, but maybe the revision regimen will
help with revising essays- like the step where I had to read my work out loud a few times. I also
think the 4 categories of it will be helpful, that is something I keep looking back at and I’m really
grateful I learned it. While I’m not sure I’ll hold myself accountable for this, I do want to try and
write more in the future. Maybe it’s just keeping a journal so I can write story ideas that I
randomly come up with, but I don’t want the only writing I do to be essays. When I was younger,
I’d love to start stories and think about their middles, but I never finished them. That was
something I continued to struggle with in this class, until I began creating flash fiction stories.
But I think I might try and start stories again, whether they be shorter ones or pages long. Even if
I don’t finish them, I think it’s okay. Just being able to get the idea out of my system and on
paper will be nice but forcing myself to finish it if I don’t want to will make me dislike writing
again. I want to keep writing as low pressure as possible so I can continue to enjoy it, which may
mean not completing some pieces.