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Jayanti Bunton

Dr. Powell

Advanced Composition 2

16 November 2020

History Repeats Itself: The Cycle of Abuse

Deuteronomy 5:9 says that children will be punished for the sins of their fathers to the

third and fourth generations. This does not mean that if a parent commits theft or murder, then

the child will suddenly have a broken leg. That is not the case as expounded on in Deuteronomy

24:16 which clarifies that everyone will be punished for their own individual sin.​ ​What these two

verses convey is that sin is passed down through generations, and what the parent does, the child

will learn and continue it in their life and be punished for their own actions. This is the reason

why there are so many crimes committed today. These current issues are not new, for there is

nothing new under the sun. Therefore, the problems people in the world are facing today are the

problems their forefathers faced but never defeated. The occurrence of problems such as

domestic violence and abuse have been around for years and appear across the globe. These have

come to be a resurgence in families because of the familiarity it exudes in their lives and their

lack of experience with proper nurturing. Many people involved in abusive relationships are

caught in a cycle that they are unaware of​ ​because​ ​the cycle of abuse that flows through

generations is difficult to recognize and stop.

Overview of the Cycle of Abuse

All behaviors are not new, they are learned, adopted and continue to be taught for

generations. The heinous crimes seen today are a result of an ongoing cycle that was not

terminated. The cycle of abuse starts with the home; abuse is learned. A parent brings home the
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lessons and experiences they were taught by their parents​ ​when they were a child and transmits

them into their family. Parents and the household are huge influences in the way a child behaves

and interacts with others as they grow. Next, the child becomes acquainted with what they see

and experience each day. A child copies the consistent model their parent provides for them:

washing hands before eating, having manners, etc. Then the children take their lessons with them

into their adult life, and do the same to others and to their children. When they have children they

will model for them washing hands before eating, having manners, etc. Parents should consider

creating more time for self-reflection in order to ensure their actions are not harming their child

or poisoning their future. Their parenting determines how their child will grow up and contribute

to society.

Special Terms of the Cycle of Abuse

Describing this process involves essential words that need to be clarified and explained in

the context of this process and how they contribute to the continuation of abuse. The most

essential word to understand is “cycle”, which is defined as “a series of events that happen

repeatedly in the same order” (vocabulary.com). Cycles go in full circle; everything ends where

it starts, and starts where it ends. Abuse is a cycle that is taught and executed through the

behaviors of families. Abusers abuse because it was done to them or they have seen it in their

environment. ​In addition to this, ​it is imperative that one understands the importance of social

and cognitive skills. According to Scott A. Miller, PhD, social cognition “ecompasses beliefs

about others, the self… as well as beliefs about specific aspects of people (e.g thoughts, desires,

emotions)...” (Miller 1). The formation of social cognitive skills is the most important

development in a child’s brain. It is extremely reasonable to conjecture that during this formation
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of the brain a child will constantly be surrounded by family​; from​ their parents behavior and

interactions with each other, that child will form their skills around that behavior and copy it.

Sequence of Steps for the Progression of the Abuse Cycle

The cycle begins with a​ ​parent and the baggage they bring from their childhood into their

adult life. A parent governs their children based on how they were raised. They either adopt

similar parenting methods to their parents, or they do the complete opposite. From parents,

children acquire the knowledge of almost everything: how to walk, how to talk, how to use a

spoon, how to interact with others, how to dress, etc. When examining a person and their

behavior, one is also able to identify the behavior of their mother, father, grandmother,

grandfather, etc. This flows into the next phase where the child becomes acquired to what they

see daily and subsequently applies learned actions and behaviors​ ​to their daily life. Children are

like sponges; they soak up everything around them. According to Kyle Snow, children begin to

take in their surroundings and learn at a rapid, unmatched rate from the moment they are born to

age 5. During these years crucial connections, that help develop academic, and social and

cognitive skills, are created (Snow 1). If a child is continuously beaten and abused every time

they make their parent angry, then the child will come to think that it is acceptable to beat

someone if they anger them. The child then grows up and takes what they have learned into their

adult life and marries someone similar to themselves or someone who easily conforms to their

normalcy; the cycle repeats. An adult that grew up being beaten or even saw their parents being

beaten is more likely to marry someone that abuses them as well–it is familiar to them. This is an

essential idea to note because if one parent is abusing the other, then that child will see that every

day and it will affect their behavior and interaction with others. Also if an adult marries someone
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with a similar background to themselves, then they will have equal parenting methods and teach

their children the way they were taught.

Example of the Cycle of Abuse

If a parent was whipped for doing something inappropriate when they were a child, one

can ​portend​ that that parent will do the same to their children. The same goes to say that if a

parent was never corrected for​ ​their mistakes and wrongdoings when they were a child, then they

would think their actions are acceptable and go on to not correct their children when they violate

the rules. Mark Laita became a witness to this truth when he uncovered the backstory of a

homeless man on the streets of Los Angeles, by the name of James–a convicted rapist and

murderer who was banished from his family for raping his own mother at sixteen and raping and

killing another young lady in Louisiana. In the interview Laita comes to find out that, everyday

since the earliest age he could remember, James was molested by his whole family: his mother,

his two sisters, and his father. He was also constantly beaten by his brother. James reveals that

through the abuse he experienced, his family taught him that “rape and sexual crimes were okay

as long as you cared about the other person… It was how you showed you cared for the other

person… It was okay to force myself and do what I wanted to do” (Laita 3:43). He also

continues to say that he raped his mother at the age of sixteen because he “truly did not know the

difference between right and wrong sexually… It was perfectly normal in our family… It was a

form of self expression” (Laita 5:55). James’ ​haunting​ life makes him the model human-being

of the generational cycle of abuse. His childhood was filled with abuse through which his social

cognitive skills were wired to the belief that it was acceptable to force himself onto others if he

wanted to; despite their rejection. This resulted in him contributing to what is dangerous about
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society, being banished from his entire family, and finding himself in prison on multiple

occasions.

Result of the Continued Cycle of Abuse

The case of an ongoing cycle of abuse that is not ceased is a ​lamentful​ story to tell. The

result of this ferris wheel of death, is ​egregious ​crimes and childhood trauma that people do not

know how to handle. In the year of 2019 there were 98,213 reported rape cases in the United

States alone (statista.com). That is only half of the actual number of rape cases​. ​According to

rainn.org, out of every 1000 sexual assaults: 995 perpetrators will walk free, 230 cases will be

reported, and 4.6 rapists will be incarcerated. Therefore, it is reasonable to formulate that the true

rape cases in 2019 for the United States is more than double that number. Also according to The

Washington Post, all around the world in the year 2017, 137 women died by the hands of

domestic violence. ​The continuous traumatizing experiences​ can also open the doors to many

other dangerous avenues such as drug and alcohol abuse. Many people use drugs and alcohol to

escape the pain of their past and forget everything, but according to Isaac Alexis, “...research

shows that alcohol can actually complicate symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic

stress disorder” (Alexis 3). The negligence of one person to recognize the cycle they are trapped

in and to make a choice to stop it, can cause numerous people everywhere to suffer. This is what

makes the world such a lamentful and dangerous place. Everyone on earth has the freedom to do

as they please, but not everything is healthy or beneficial to themselves or society.

This almost seamless cycle can make terminating it extremely difficult. People do not

normally recognize the cycle they are in until they start repeating the same as their parents. This

in turn places them in a type of ​conundrum​. Once something is learned, it is difficult to unlearn

it and start anew. A playwright, named Tyler Perry, once said that parenthood is similar to
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packing a child’s lunchbox, except the lunchbox is for their life. Whatever the parent puts in that

bag, the child will carry around with them forever. Him being of the Christian faith, he most

likely drew that conclusion from Proverbs 22:6 which states, “Start children off on the way they

should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it”. Unless a child knows that they

also have an option to buy school lunch or switch meals with their other classmates, they will

only make use of what was given to them–positive or negative, helpful or toxic. This vicious

cycle wreaks havoc on today’s society because of the sins each individual chooses to commit

against one another. Choices matter and are in one’s control. What they do with that kind of

power does not only affect them, but society as a whole. Someone can choose to stop the toxic

behavior they were taught or they can choose to keep the cycle going and be punished for the

sins of their parents.

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Works Cited

Alexis, Isaac., M.D., AAMA, AMP-BC. “Alcoholism and Child Abuse – The Connection

Between Alcohol And Child Abuse.” ​Vertave Health.​ Accessed on 19 November 2020.

https://vertavahealth.com/alcohol/connection-to-child-abuse/

Carlisle, Madeline & Chan, Melissa. “Here’s Why Domestic Violence Kills So Many Women

and Children in America.” ​Time.​ Accessed on 18 November 2020.

https://time.com/5702435/domestic-violence-gun-violence/

Hartney, Elizabeth, BSc., MSc., MA, PhD. “Why Sexually Abused Children Grow Up to Have

Abusive Relationships.” ​Very Well Mind​. Accessed on 17 November 2020.

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-cycle-of-sexual-abuse-22460

Laita, Mark. “Rapist-James.” ​YouTube​. Accessed on 12 November 2020.

https://youtu.be/WpgDPwo64lo

Miller, A. Scott, PhD. “Social-Cognitive Development in Early Childhood.” ​Encyclopedia of

Early Childhood Development​. Accessed on 1 December 2020.

http://www.child-encyclopedia.com/social-cognition/according-experts/social-cognitive-

development-early-childhood

NIV starting place study Bible: An introductory exploration of studying God's word.​ (2019).

Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Paul, Deanna. “U.N. finds the deadliest place for women is their home.” ​The Washington Post.​

Accessed on 18 November 2020.

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2018/11/26/un-finds-deadliest-place-women-is-t

heir-home/

Rainn.org. “The Criminal Justice System: Statistics.” ​Rainn.​ Accessed on 18 November 2020.

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system

Snow, Kyle, Ph.D. “Learning Begins at Birth.” ​The Children’s Reading Foundation​. Accessed

on 17 November 2020. https://www.readingfoundation.org/learning-begins-at-birth

Statista.com. “Number of reported forcible rape cases in the United States from 1990-2019.”

Statista​. Accessed on 18 November 2020.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/191137/reported-forcible-rape-cases-in-the-usa-since-

1990/

Thehotline.org. “Domestic Violence Statistics.” ​National Domestic Violence Hotline.​ Accessed

on 13 November 2020.

https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/

Vocabulary.com. “Cycle.” ​Vocabulary.com Dictionary​. Accessed on 17 November 2020.

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/cycle