MODULE 2 | ONE-ON-ONE CONVERSATION

Tell a Great Story

Ramit Sethi A while back, I was giving a presentation to a live studio audience. There were about
10 people in the audience and there were about 50,000 or 75,000 people watching
online. It was a 3-day event, and I was telling a lot of stories, I was sharing some
material on finding a dream job, etc. I want to show you an example of where I was
telling a story and it bombed. Watch this video to see the story, and then to see the
interesting aftermath of what happened when people realized how I’d handled it. I
was recently teaching a class and I told a story about how I used to write a comedy
column, and I told a story. A few minutes later, someone said to me, “Hey, Ramit
you’re always talking about testing stuff. Have you ever tested anything on us, right
now as we’ve been here for the last couple days?” I said, “Actually, yes. When I was
telling that story about writing a comedy column, I was testing it to see if it hit.”
And it totally bombed. No one smiled, no one laughed, it was just dead crickets in
the room. I said, “I’ll never tell that story again.” Let’s take a look.

[Video]

Ramit I used to write a comedy column in my college newspaper. It was called Two Guys
Who Are Better Than You. I actually have a thing for names. It’s not too modest.
Anyway, and the funny thing was we took these photos the first day. They took
photos of us. We did like normal photos, and then we did these really weird ones
because the photographer, they were supposed to be a friend of ours, so we did these
really weird photos. Like with ah and stuff like that, and they actually accidentally
ran the really weird photos. So people were like, “Seriously? What kind of guys put
these photos in the newspaper?” So from then on, we just ran with the weird photos.

Female There was a question about whether you test your stories?

Ramit Yes.

Female For your interviews?

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Tell a Great Story

Ramit Oh, yes. Listen. You’ve heard me tell some of the same stories twice. Are you guys
aware that by the time you see Chris Rock or Louis C.K. they’ve taken the same joke
and tested it 50 different ways? Are you aware of that? Just like that, I test stories. So
I have a story that I think is a great story and I’ll tell it. And I’ve told stories today,
and I know I have told them in just slightly different ways than ever before, and I’ll
notice where it hits and where it doesn’t. For example, did you guys notice that as I
told that Stanford Daily story I talked about my photographs with my friends? My
friend? And did you notice that it didn’t really hit? You guys didn’t really get it or
laugh at the end where I talked about how they ran the weird photos. Only being
here in the room could you notice from this perspective that that part of that story
did not hit, and I will never use it again.

[End video]

Ramit Sethi Now what did you notice in that video? You notice that the story didn’t really resonate.
You also notice that I handled it gracefully. I didn’t get embarrassed. I didn’t make
fun of myself and say, “This story is terrible.” I wrapped it up, and then I told myself,
“I’ll never tell that story again.” This is the power of testing your stories and learning
how to craft a great story that resonates with the people around you. Now we’ve all
seen examples when a story doesn’t hit. Can you think of any? People start looking
down. They start looking at their watch. Or you end the story by saying something
like, “So, yeah.” That’s when you know a story has gone off the rails. We want to
prevent that from happening. So you have these amazing stories that you can pull
out at any time.

Could be that you pull it out at a professional event when you’re meeting someone.
Could be that you’re meeting someone on a date. Or you’re meeting friends socially.
Or it could be a different type of event like you’re meeting your parents’ friends so
you have to say a certain type of engaging story. We want to be prepared for every
situation. And we’re going to start off with some very simple suggestions on how to
tell a great story. Follow along. I’m going to walk you through how I tell stories that
resonate with over a million readers per month.

The number one strategy for telling great stories is to keep a story toolbox. This
is much simpler than it sounds. All it is is a Google doc, a Word doc, an Excel doc,
could be Evernote, any tool that you want, even a notepad where you write down

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Tell a Great Story

Ramit Sethi interesting stories that you can later develop. Not every story in my story toolbox
(cont.) gets used. Not every story in my story toolbox is even good, but I write them down
and then I choose certain ones to develop. Now I’m going to tell you how to develop
those in the next few steps. But for now, the tool doesn’t matter. Just create something
where you can store your stories and start adding five stories to it. By the way, if
you’re not sure where these stories come from, if you’re sitting there looking at a
blank page and you’re stuck, a good thing to do is something that I learned myself.
See, in certain situations I tell a lot of stories.

I’m really engaging around friends I know, or when I’m with my family. I just feel
comfortable, and that’s normal for all of us. But sometimes when I get around people
who I don’t know, I clam up. I get a little nervous. So what I did was I would hang out
with my friends or family, where I was comfortable, and I would notice the stories
that just sort of came out of me. In other words, I would take a bird’s eye view of
myself in a very introspective way, and then later on I would just write down the
stories that I had told. So if you can’t think of any funny or entertaining or serious
stories, just think back to the last time you hung out with your friends. What did
you talk about? And if you still can’t remember, no big deal. Just hang out with your
friends or family in the next few days, and write down the things that you naturally
talk about. That will seed your story toolbox for the first time.

Step number two to telling a great story is to write the story out and then slash
the things that are irrelevant. Let me give you an example. Have you ever heard
someone tell a story like this, “Yeah, so, I was taking a vacation to New Jersey, or
was it New York? Well, let’s see, I think it was Boston, but then in April 2008 we
started going through a recession, so it might have actually been a different part of
the...” And you’re like, “What is the point of the story? I want to kill myself right
now.” You don’t want to get into all the nitty-gritty that nobody cares about. Some
stories necessarily start off with a little bit of background. You’ll notice even some
of the stories I tell I’ll explain, “I used to be writing a column for the Stanford Daily.
Blah, blah, blah.” That sets the tone. Other stories start off very, very urgently. They
might say something like, “You guys are not going to believe what happened to me.”

Or even more, “I was sweating so much yesterday, it is crazy what happened while
I was in the studio.” Okay? So there are different ways of starting and ending your
story. In general, a good rule of thumb is to start later and finish earlier. In other

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Ramit Sethi words, you can take a story that’s 300 words and you can typically cut that down
(cont.) by 30%. Much of what people tell in stories doesn’t need to be there. But the only
way to discover what to slash and what earns its way into that story is to first start
by writing it down. Now this might seem rote. It might seem a little technical. But
we’re not doing this forever. We’re just doing this for the first five stories to really
refine that. And once we discover it, it’s going to become much more natural to you.
So step number two is to write it out and decide what parts of the story are most
important to include.

The number three strategy to telling a great story is to have a point. This seems like
it would go without saying, but how many of us have ever told this rambling story
and then at the end we say, “So, yeah.” You don’t want to be that. Don’t do that. “So
I’m thinking about getting a new apartment in New York, and I’ve been looking at
different apartments. But I’m not really sure which one to get. But first, I’m looking
in different neighborhoods. Should I be in the West Village? Should I be in the East
Village? Should I go uptown? But there’s this really nice development in Tribeca. So
then, I go around to a few places, but I guess I just don’t know what to do. So, yeah.”
Do not ever tell a story like that, or I will find you and I will kill you with my bare
hands. And so when we write out our story, which we did in the previous step, we
want to make sure we have a point. Now the technique we use is something we call
the plain English principle. We simply write down what is the point of this story.

Now we only have to do this once, it’s not like we’re going to do this forever, and
now that I’ve become much better at storytelling, I don’t even do this step. I skip it
because it’s natural to me. But when you first start out, it’s very important to write
these things down and include the point. The point might be I did something really
stupid. Or he did something really stupid. Or this was hilarious. Or he said something
so crazy all of us just looked at him. Can you believe that? But we want to write it
down in plain English. Right next to the description of the story so we can decide
if this is good or useful at all. Some stories actually have no point. And if they have
no point, you’ve wasted everyone’s time. You do not want to tell stories where there
is no point. So again, although it seems like it would go without saying, write down
the point of the story, and decide if it is engaging enough to use.

The number four strategy for telling a great story is to practice. People who tell great
stories do not just come up with them on their own. They practice it all the time. Take

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Ramit Sethi any famous comedian, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, Aziz Ansari, any of them. They
(cont.) practice the same joke hundreds or sometimes even thousands of times before they
ever perform it to a massive audience. Now, this is very important. When it comes to
practicing your story, how do you do it? I first want you to practice on your own. In
the safety of your own house, with no one else watching, here’s how you do it. First,
remember you’ve already written down the story. I want you to record yourself. Put
it on your phone, put it on some audio recorder, and just listen to your story.

As painful as it is, this is the best way to hear your story from the outside, and you’ll
be able to decide. Is this an interesting story? Is this engaging? Or most commonly
is this too long? So step one is to listen to yourself on audio and decide if this is a
good story and any ways that you could improve it. Step two, watch yourself in the
mirror. I had a great student of mine who flew to New York and I was doing some
critiques with him. He was telling this very emotional story. He was staying late at
work. He was doing all this stuff, and yet his body language was like this. It wasn’t
congruent at all. We want to make sure that visually we are presenting the same
message as our story. So if you’re telling something really funny, you know you can
use facial expressions. You could say something like, “And then she said this to me.”

That’s a nice facial expression that can amplify your story. If you’re more serious,
you’re not going to say something like, “Then he died!” Doesn’t make any sense. So
watch yourself in the mirror and see if you’re being congruent. Number three, and
this really ties it all together. Record yourself on video. This is where you can put
together the audio, the visual, and you can see how you are presenting your story.
Remember it’s not just the words you’re using; it’s your body language. It’s your
intonation. It’s your hand gestures. All of these things are critical. And remember, I
videotaped myself and won hundreds of thousands of dollars in scholarships because
of it. It’s not that much work to record yourself for a few minutes just for a few of
your stories until you become much more natural.

Number five. The number five strategy for telling better stories is to tweak your story
based on feedback. Now, what I used to do with the Stanford Daily was to take my
story around to people and show them, and if they didn’t laugh I would just be like,
“You’re stupid,” and then move on to the next person. But if five people didn’t laugh,
then I knew it probably wasn’t funny. So I would change the joke. I would write it
in a shorter way, or a longer way, or whatever it may be. The same thing is true for

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Ramit Sethi your stories. You want to tweak them, and the way you do that is by practicing these
(cont.) stories in front of someone you know. And when you start, you want to make sure you
do it in front of someone you trust. So your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your husband,
your wife, your mom. Tell a story to someone who’s going to listen no matter what.
And observe their reactions. Are they engaged? Are they laughing? Are they looking
at their watch? Make sure you pay attention, because one or two or three people is
enough to get a sense for if this story is great or not. Then tweak it. Change it.

Make it shorter. Make it longer. Use more intonation. Go slower. Go faster. Smile as
you’re telling it. There are a million ways you can do it. But you will quickly find out
what tweaks help you to tell better stories. And, of course, remember we’ve got plenty
of examples in the vault of stories from their before and after state. One more tip,
don’t ask for their opinion on whether it was a great story or not. Most people who
are close to you will deceptively tell you what you want to hear. They’ll say, “Yeah,
that was a good story.” You want to watch for their body language. Their behavior
tells it all. If they’re laughing, if they’re smiling, if they’re leaning in, or they’re asking
you questions, that is a great sign. If they’re leaning back, if they’re kind of like mm,
that is also a sign that they’re not interested. So their opinion doesn’t really matter
at this stage. You’re looking for their body language, and their reactions to tell you
how they really feel.

Your action steps for this video, very simple. First, I want you to create a story toolbox.
Keep it simple. Could be a notepad, Google doc, Word doc, doesn’t matter. Then, I
want you to find five stories to put into your story toolbox. Again, if you can’t think
of any, hang out with your friends or family. Notice a couple of things that you talk
about. Put those in your story toolbox. Now, we’re going to get to actually working
these stories. I want you to write the story down. Really play it out. Decide if you
need to cut any parts of that story. Then, practice. Take an audio recorder, take a
video recorder, take a mirror, practice telling the story. It seems awkward, and it
seems weird. But we’re only going to do this a few times. And when we do this, we
will learn the craft of telling great stories. Remember I don’t video tape myself telling
stories anymore, because I have become more natural at it. But when you start, it’s
very important to go through the mechanics and the fundamentals.

Just like a basketball player wants to dunk the first day, they need to learn how to
dribble. And so it’s no shame to start recording yourself in the privacy of your own

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Ramit Sethi house. Finally, test it and tweak it. Go try this story out with a few people who are
(cont.) close to you. See if it hits. Watch their body language, and when it does you will
know you’ve got a great story for your story toolbox. The beautiful part about this
exercise is it takes a little bit of time up front. But imagine you just do this once a
week for one story. By the end of the year, you will have over 50 great stories that you
can pull out of your pocket any time you need to. At a professional event, at a social
event, if you’re on a date, or you’re meeting someone for the first time. You can use
these stories for the appropriate occasion, and you know they will hit every time.

One more bonus that I’ve added for you. I love to see how other people tell stories,
and you know where I love to watch? I love to watch movies and TV shows. To see
some of the best story telling ever, you can look on YouTube. So I’ve included a few
links. Some serious ones. Some fun ones. Some light ones. Study these stories. Browse
around; see if you can find some more stories. And try to apply those to your own
story telling in an authentic way. And just so you know, those stories can be found in
the vault. This is going to be a lot of fun. So give it a shot and let me know how it goes.

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