I sit here and I don't exactly know what I am going to write.

But that's okay, I

guess. I don't have to know what I'm gonna write, but I think it's a good idea
to specify what you are gonna write about.
So what am I gonna write about?
Well, for starters, I want to write about schedules, tasks, long-term games... - that
sort of things. But I've got a feeling that I will reach to a more important subject.
Because, as hard as it may be to figure out your ideal, it's not the only thing that
"really matters" for people. Imagine that you're trying to "build" your life (more
like "shape" it, actually), like it'd be your home. You can have every building
material, piece of furniture and ornament you want, and you can figure out an
answer for every obstacle that may challenge this process. Imagine that you lived
in your ideal home. What would it look like? 
For many people, the word "ideal" constitutes a great deal - and it should. After
many years of failure, the child, in his attempt to seize his ideal, discovers with a
relative amount of disgust that the ideal cannot be achieved, and he undergoes a
vicious attempt to get rid of his previous understanding of "ideal". The greater the
disgust, the more cynical his new understanding will be.
For many, "ideal" will serve a similar purpose to a lie. 
I discovered ignorance and even revolt, when my childish curiosity would manifest
itself too much. I discovered distrust, and greed, and sickness, and the uncanny
sight of death, when... I expected least. I discovered jealousy, hate, and a deep
feeling of loneliness, after my chaotic series of attempts to find a social-bubble that
shares some of my goals or feelings. And of course, later on I discovered all
those off-putting traits in myself, which put me down in this malevolence-loop. 
After this experience, people will probably think of "ideal" as nothing short of a
stomach-turning cock and bull story. The word "story" will also be attributed to the
word "ideal". 
Many, once living in a world where "perhaps there was a God", will now be
spitting in His image. People will, as I was, be put (by themselves) in this
malevolence loop, in a desperate and nihilistic attempt to prove that there is no
such thing as God, as Good, Bad &c.
 The weight of the world becomes too heavy. Terror now hides in the light, and
salvation in the darkness. 
It's of course not true that people can find salvation in either of these Taoist
constructions (Yin, Yang). ironically, that's exactly what the Taoists discovered.
People don't struggle when going from one extreme to another.
Just as natural as it was for a child to believe in the "Light",  the teenager (and in
some cases the adult) will come to believe in the "Darkness". 
The struggle comes when there's a conscious attempt to balance these extremes
(which of course no one can do perfectly, because to balance things "perfectly"
means to fall into another extreme). 
My cousin came to me a year ago, with his former love partner, and we started
talking. 
Something had me in its grip. It was something I could not be aware of while we
talked. I realized it only after he was gone. 
My cousin is a respectable man. He's smart, very practical and kind. We started
talking about "how the world works". I'm not sure about the other specifics of our
conversation. I think my father was there too.
I remember looking his girlfriend with great interest and curiosity (it was the first
time I met her). I believe I had kept a friendly expression and tone of voice. She
was very quiet, and fairly beautiful. They were on a bedside, and I was sitting in
my chair. I remember many many details regarding their appearance.
However, as I was looking for something to tell me about who they "were" in
reality, my cousin told me (and of course i am paraphrasing him) that humans are
not to be trusted, that the world is muddy, and that you can get trapped in that very
mud, if you are not careful. I rejected that statement, and said that it was not a very
helpful generalization of humans' function. He replied with "well, I am looking at
things from above; I am gonna generalize for sure..." - to which my mouth replied
on its own:
"I do not think that you are looking at things from above; I think that you see
the world from below".
He was speechless. I was speechless. After a minute of tension, and some noises of
approval, he said that I was actually right, and that he did not realize that before.
I'm sort of anxious to tell this, but I do feel proud of that part of myself that said
that. Not because he was speechless afterwards, but because it got me on this road.
It was the discovery of Taoism for me. And it happened after my many years of
dealing with the mud myself.
Something within my mind already knew it - the reason why I could say it. But it
had been way out of my conscious reach.
I slowly realized that our thoughts are always tilted towards an extreme or another.
And so what I did was challenge my thoughts. I had tried to challenge my every
thought with reason, and discovered a truthful, and a more sane way of looking at
the world - the way of philosophy.
I'd be lying if I said that I am in the possession of the truth. But this Taoist
realization got me many important tools to counterattack some important bunch of
my childish reactions. People who know me, know that my reactions have been
more than childish in the past. I had been in one of the darkest of places. I
contemplated and attempted suicide, and manipulation, and killing, and theft and
almost any dark thing that you can think of. It's natural. It's chaotic, but natural.
Anyway, I've talked a lot about this, but I think it was for a good cause.
I am currently not in the possession of the most precise definition of
"productivity", but I do know that for my time to be productive, I have to put
myself under a lot of maintenance work. 
You have to discover yourself, to discover your ideal. 
But how does one discover the means of moving towards that ideal?
Well, one of the things I learned is that when I encounter this sort of dilemma, I
have to start with the very basics.
What do I mean by "moving towards that ideal", and what do I mean by "means"
of doing that?
For this, I have to return to my "home" metaphor. 
The ideal is the blueprint of your home. You know how the ideal should look like
(roughly speaking), but not how to get there, precisely.
So what does your ideal look like?
Well my ideal looks something like this:
I want to help build a large meta-community. I don't want it to be profit-based, but
I do want people with influence and wealth to contribute to it. I want this
community to reach out to as many people as possible. I want this community to
collect and blend different other sub-communities, to help solve their conflicts, to
stimulate motivation within the minds of those who participate. I don't want it to be
a social movement, but I do want the principles that we'll promote to reach out to
people, because we all will contribute to sharpen our principles.
So these principles are not arbitrary. This community shall present facts, as seen
through the minds of those who know what they're talking about.
As I see it, this community is already present, though very roughly maintained.
You can see the current state of the internet as the precursor of this community, if
you may.
And no, people are not equal. There will be conflict. But that's the very purpose of
this community: to promote the very deal with that conflict. To gather people at
one place, though on opposite sides at times, and debate over what should be
done. 
Now there's the Amazon rain forest fire. There is chaos. People feel helpless. UN
doesn't make good use of its resources to spread truth, and facts about what has to
be done, or what is happening, are always misleading, or unreliable. Many people
still don't know about the many tragedies that happen around the world. I get it.
The world is complicated, much complicated than we'd think. But I do believe that
dialogue can help with that. No one has the truth. We should not stick to UN or
other high-order, international organisation to solve our problems. We all have to
get involved, some way or another. And we DO!, it's just that we don't realize it.
We are all part of the community. We are all part of this poorly defined meta-
community. We engage in dialogue, but we don't feel listened to. And when we
finally do feel listened to, we stop listening. 
The mainstream is an important tool. It's not just pop-culture, it's a point of
understanding. When we think of the mainstream, we think of the many
differences that human nature provides, which together form a social structure of
understanding. But we move away from it, because it can be boring, or because it's
got nothing new to discover and to bring to the stream (because we are exploratory
creatures, and the mainstream is the "already discovered" territory).
But I want to help build a meta-community where we challenge the obvious too,
not just the unknown. 
THERE IS SUFFERING!  -  but why? challenge that!
THE MAINSTREAM IS BORING! - but why? challenge that!
When we actively challenge the obvious, we sharpen our current values. Our world
is one we'll sketch forever.
 One line gives you an idea, but many other lines solidify the artwork.
You cannot reach the ideal, but you can sharpen your aim enough, so that IT
WORKS SUFFICIENTLY. 
It's hard. 
It's an ambitious ideal. Maybe it's as ambitious as it gets. But I do not want a life
where my home is built by one mind, for one body. I want my home to be built by
everyone, for everyone.