Introduction

Beasts Drolatiques is a whimsical bestiary that aims to catalog

the fantastic creatures depicted in François Desprez’s Les Songs
Drolatiques de Pantagruel. It is written with stats for the Troika!
system, but is written with the intent of being usable in any
system.

Copyright Stuff
Written by Alexandra and Kevin Goff.
Cover, back, and section header art by Virginia Frances Sterrett
licensed under public domain.
Monster art by François Desprez licensed under public domain.
Dungeon art by Daniel F. Walthall and he retains all copyright
for his artwork.
Beasts Drolatiques is an independent production by Avian Whimsy
Games and is not affiliated with the Melsonian Arts Council.

1
Contents
1 Bestiary 4
1.1 Accursed Bard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
1.2 Agoraphobic Wizard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
1.3 Alabastron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
1.4 Bell Witch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
1.5 Breathing Beet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
1.6 Brummellian Bauble . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
1.7 Claymother . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
1.8 Failed Hyperbian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
1.9 Fleet Footed Warrior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
1.10 Galoshian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23
1.11 God of the Ichthyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
1.12 Heron Heretic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
1.13 Immature Chrysalian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
1.14 Locustoid . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
1.15 Marshbaron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
1.16 Maudlin Magus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
1.17 Mould Tortigan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
1.18 Nasaphonor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
1.19 Noblefish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
1.20 Rogue Scarecrow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
1.21 Traveling Satchel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
1.22 Yssthssian Assassin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

2 Appendix 49
2.1 Salt Encrusted Noblefish Recipe . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
2.2 Tower of the Agoraphobe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51

2
Thanks to Sydney

3
Accursed Bard d6 Mien
Skill 4 1 Strung out
Stamina 13 2 Jovial
Initiative 2 3 Sulking
Armour 1 4 Musical
Damage as Modest Beast 5 Tired
6 Irate

After playing a particularly unflattering song in the King’s Court,

the King ordered it so that the bard would never strum his strings
again. Having quite the sense of dark humour the Court Wizard
transmogrified the bard into a walking lute with no appendages.
Not one to stop in the face of adversity, the bard has added
a companion to his ensemble and continues to entertain and
spread his song at any inn that will welcome his grotesque form.

d6 d6 Songs of the Bard

1 Kingsfoot: A riveting ballad of the filth found between
the King’s feet.
2 Fleashanty: An ode to the flea-ridden and roughneck
sailors of the tavern.
3 Burnt Hands: A rather unsubtle track making fun of the
King’s right-hand man, the Court Wizard.
4 Cricket’s Lullaby: The cricket playing the lute bows out
a slow lullaby that has a sleep-inducing effect in all that
hear it.
5 Drinking Song: Not your typical pub fare, the lyrics ac-
tually espouse the importance of staying sober.
6 Ode to the Isle: An epic of a young mouse traveling to a
far-flung island nation to retrieve a lost axe passed down
by his ancestors.

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Agoraphobic Wizard d6 Mien
Skill 6 1 Panicked
Stamina 12 2 Resting
Initiative 2 3 Exposed
Armour 1 4 Working
Damage as Sword 5 Travelling
6 Asleep

Faced with crippling anxiety and a deeply rooted fear of in-

terpersonal contact, but acknowledging the necessity to make
a living selling his talents, this wizard has come up with an
ingenious solution. Using a special volumetric invocation he
shrunk himself and the innards of his tower to a tenth of their
former sizes, affixed wheels and summoned familiars to cart his
tower across the land.

Due to his mobile nature the wizard has gathered quite the
collection of magical knickknacks and doodads, and in some
circles could be considered a hoarder. An example map of the
wizard’s tower alongside loot, traps, and more has been placed in
the appendix of the book.

Special
Knows Jolt, Affix, Diminish, and 2 other spells from the random
spells table.

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Alabastron d6 Mien
Skill 4 1 Empty
Stamina 11 2 Shattered
Initiative 2 3 Grateful
Armour 1 4 Enraged
Damage as Sword 5 Engrossed
6 Worshipping

After smashing one too many jars in his thieving days, the God
of Vessels took notice and set a curse upon the thief to protect
his kin. The Thief, now burdened with a jug about his body and a
waterfall cascading from his mouth, has turned over a new leaf.
Now a devoted follower of the God of Vessels, the Alabastron
travels far and wide providing fresh water to all the barren
receptacles of the world. If aided in his task the Alabastron
promises that the God of Vessels will smile upon you.

Special
Knows spells Fill and Poisonshot

Fill
Any visible vessel smaller than the size of the Alabastron can im-
mediately filled with fresh water on command of the Alabastron.

Poisonshot
The Alabastron ceases its flow of fresh water and shoots a blast
of acidic purple liquid at its enemy. (Damage as Crossbow)

9
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Bell Witch d6 Mien
Skill 5 1 Radiant
Stamina 13 2 Cacophonous
Initiative 2 3 Vindicative
Armour 1 4 Tricksy
Damage as Unarmed 5 Tearful
6 Asleep

The Bell Witch, one of the many lesser demons of the land,
spends her time furiously clanging away in rage at her relative
lack of importance. Upon sight of another being the bell will quit
her raucous ringing and attempt to make a convincing argument
that ringing her bell will grant enormous power and wealth. In
actuality ringing the bell will swap the souls of the Bell Demon
and the being, trapping the ringer’s soul until it can convince
another to ring its bell.

Special
Upon someone ringing the bell, they must test their luck or
switch souls with the demon. The victim is now trapped until the
bell is rung by another. Know spell Shockwave.

Shockwave
The bell rocks back and forth making a fearsome ringing sound
explode from its body. When hit by the blast enemies suffer from
burst eardrums and are knocked back.

Damage Roll 1 2 3 4 5 6 7+
Shockwave 3 3 3 4 5 7 8

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Breathing Beet d6 Mien
Skill 5 1 Mourning
Stamina 17 2 Fruitful
Initiative 2 3 Drunk
Armour 0 4 Rotten
Damage as Modest Beast 5 Confused
6 Reddened

Brought to life by a senile wizard who was merely attempting to

make beetroot wine, the Breathing Beet is sickly sweet in persona
and in flesh. As everyone knows beets are a plant of intense
solidarity, and hence the Breathing Beet is intensely lonely
having been stripped away from his brothers. He traverses the
greater cities in search of one who can raise his brethren from
their slumber in hopes of starting a taproot revolution. Anyone
who aides him will be hailed as the Champion of Beets in the
new-found Beet Kingdom.

Because the beetroot was raised using wild and unpredictable

vegetable magic, eating its flesh can often have unexpected
results. Roll on the table below for anyone who feasts on the
flesh of the Breathing Beet.

d4 Effects of the Beet-red Flesh

1 Upon eating the flesh, the imbiber’s skin will begin to gain
a beet-red tinge. After 3 hours the entire body will become
as the flesh of the beet. Its effects are permanent.
2 Over the course of 24 hours a number of leafy sprouts will
emerge from the head of the eater. If they are cut off they
will regrow over the next 24 hours. Permanent.
3 The eater will immediately gain the ability to converse
with all other taproots, sentient or not, telekinetically.
4 Eating the flesh of the Breathing Beet has corrupted the
stomach and the mind. Attempting to eat any food other
than beets will result in immediate retching.

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Brummellian Bauble d6 Mien
Skill 3 1 Seething
Stamina 6 2 Pitiful
Initiative 2 3 Creative
Armour 0 4 Fragile
Damage as Unarmed 5 Hungry
6 Rattled

How fine, how exquisite, positively the height of ornamentation.

The Brummellian Bauble started out as any other, a dashing
young gentleman. But he was not born to wealth, the Bauble
was born in the wretched mire of Brummellia, and crafted his
apparel from gaudy poor materials in a mimicry of high fashion.
The gentlemen of the cities mocked his bumpkin imitations, how
they laughed in their linens and cravats, they were the ones who
bestowed the ridiculous title of “Bauble”.

The Bauble raged against their taunts, continuing to chase

the fashion of the day, all the while closer and closer to resem-
bling the ornament he was mocked as. The Brummellian Bauble
haunts the edges of high society, lurking in the shadow of galas
and parlor rooms. He is quiet, desiring to be seen, but has a
seething rage to be unleashed if his appearances are noted.

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Claymother d6 Mien
Skill 6 1 Lonely
Stamina 10 2 Doting
Initiative 2 3 Filthy
Armour 0 4 Sentimental
Damage as Unarmed 5 Protective
6 Raging

Far away from society and deep in the woods the Claymother
was much like you and me; she desired to settle down to start
a family. Unfortunately lonesome women in forests tend to get
a bad rap, and as years passed stories were told of the horrid
monstrous hag in the woods. Being unable to find a suitor to
fulfill her wishes she imbued life into the earth itself, and raised
children of clay. She is actually rather hospitable, but if her
creations are endangered she will go to no ends to protect them.

Sadly, she is bound to her swamp by her creations. If they depart

from the shaded waters of the swampland her children will dry
up and crumble under the harsh sun shining down upon them.

Special
Knows spells Animate and Familiar

Familiar
The Claymother can cast this spell and summon a Child of Earth
(2/5/1/0 Damage as Small Beast) to serve at her side.

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Failed Hyperbian d6 Mien
Skill 5 1 Menacing
Stamina 12 2 Shambling
Initiative 2 3 Groveling
Armour 0 4 Skulking
Damage as Knife 5 Babbling
6 Enraged

Originally intended to be the apex of magically altered men, the

creature instead resulted in a gross amalgamation of the limbs of
animals and the head of man. One of the first stumbling designs
by the great Genomancer J. Huxley, the Hyperbian is furnished
with a detachable skullcap to provide access to its neurological
center. The brain of the not-quite-man floats in a pool of clear
nutriating fluid, and from it electrical impulses can be seen
traveling into the Hyperbian’s body.

Abandoned by its creator for newer and sleeker creations, and

shunned from society for its unholiness, the Hyperbian shambles
across the land in search of a new master. The man-beast is able
to communicate at approximately the level of a young child, and
would lay down its life for anyone who would call it their servant.

Special
The Hyperbian knows the spells Leech and Light.

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Fleet Footed Warrior d6 Mien
Skill 7 1 Guarded
Stamina 14 2 Tired
Initiative 3 3 Working
Armour 2 4 Practicing
Damage as Bow 5 Longing
6 Unhappy

Born into an elite pedigree the knight failed to develop the

physique that was to be expected of his lineage. Cast out into
the streets he forged ahead against his own physical adversities,
and became a fiercely skilled bowman. Using his hands to walk
the Fleet Footed Warrior is never without his bow at his side, or
rather his legs. His ultimate desire is to return to his motherland
and to be accepted among the high society.

Given his history of being ostracized and shamed, the knight is

a rather kind soul. If asked it is quite likely that he would be
willing to tag along on an adventure, as he believes this will help
prove himself to his doubters. In exchange all he asks if that he
is later aided in his quest to return home to his motherland.

Special
Because of his nimble-footedness the Warrior receieve +1 to
damage rolls with his bow.

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Galoshian d6 Mien
Skill 6 1 Worn-out
Stamina 12 2 Tanning
Initiative 3 3 Lonesome
Armour 2 4 Despondent
Damage as Greatsword 5 Inflamed
6 Stiff

Fished up from one of the more toxic parts of the river Gan-
gulphus, this leather monstrosity has had life breathed into
it by the pollutants flowing through the waterway. Thrusted
unwillingly into this existence the Galoshian can be found in
the industrial portions of cities holding up cobblers in hopes of
finding the other boot of his kinship. However, as its only mode
of conversation is a high pitched squeaking made by rubbing
against the ground, few understand its plight. Doomed to a life of
isolation from his kind, the Galoshian can often be found among
cattle attempting to befriend the soon-to-be-leather.

The Galoshian has a 1 in 6 chance of being encountered in the

midst of being forcibly fitted onto the foot of a giant.

Special
The Galoshian has an inexplicable bond with the bovine. If cattle
are nearby the Galoshian can call on d6 cattle (2/6/1) to aid him
in battle

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God of the Ichthyes d6 Mien
Skill 9 1 Luxuriating
Stamina 22 2 Pondering
Initiative 2 3 Rampaging
Armour 3 4 Conversational
Damage as Greatsword 5 Feeding
6 Foreseeing

He is the one from under the surf, where he goes his aquatic
kin leap from the waves to catch a glimpse of his pearlescent
scales, and upon reaching his fullest form it is he who will inherit
the oceans. However in his current form he is not but the size
of an average trout, and resides in a specially built stone tank
ferried about by fish enchanted with the ability to landwalk. As
is tradition the God of the Ichthyes is carted about the known
world to convene with his landlocked brethren, and to visit the
kingdoms of the land as they attempt to curry favor with the
great God in exchange for favorable conditions on the open sea.
Whether it be the formation of the great storms, keeping the
trade winds blowing, or ensuring a bountiful source catch for
the fishing season, the God of the Ichthyes holds immense power
over the seas and his pelagic children.

Though he is not at his full size the Ichthyian God is still a force
to be reckoned with. His body is imbued with a deep oceanic
magic, and would not be easily taken down. It is said, however,
that his body contains numerous riches: from his scales as strong
as diamond, to his all seeing eyes, and his meat across which his
magic has permeated and twisted in unknown ways.

Special
Knows spells Animate, Drown, Gills, and Hurricane.
Wields the Greatsword of the Ichthyes: +1 to damage roll if victim
is soaked with water.

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Heron Heretic d6 Mien
Skill 7 1 Nervous
Stamina 14 2 Feeding
Initiative 2 3 Smoking
Armour 1 4 Trance
Damage as Knife 5 Commanding
6 Ecstatic

Hidden away beneath the megaflora of the swamplands a group

of sentient herons control the cards of fate that are dealt around
the world. Little info is known of this shadowy organization, and
any rumor spreaders are quickly silenced. Rarely known to leave
their quarters, but still needing knowledge of the lands above to
be the omniscient overlords, the herons have turned to their less
evolved avian brethren, and by drinking a glass of wine infused
with the mysterious gasses of the swamp are able to peer through
the eyes of any waterfowl across the skies.

The heron’s care little for the trifles of men, and will use
anyone in their path to achieve their desires. Their end goal is
the overthrowal of human society, and the beginning of a new
age of the avian empire.

Special
Using their action, upon inhaling a special swampfenn con-
coction from their ornate hookah, the heron can blow d6 thick
smoke-bird familiars (2/3/1 Damage as Small Beast) that will
attack its enemies.

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Immature Chrysalian d6 Mien
Skill 5 1 Asleep
Stamina 9 2 Feeding
Initiative 1 3 Molting
Armour 0 4 Tearful
Damage as Small Beast 5 Playful
6 Frisky

The Chrysalians live a life in two parts, when born they are
wrapped in birch bark by their parents, forming a protective
layer over their soft flesh. During this time the Chrysalian is
extremely vulnerable, piercing its shell can prove fatal. As it
matures, the Chrysalian fuses to its birch bark wrappings, and
incorporates them. It grows strong limbs, and increases greatly in
stature. Chrysalians travel in packs, a dozen adults may protect
several youths. If a youth appears to be alone, be extra wary, as
adults are always nearby. They are generally quite hostile, as any
attack on an immature Chrysalian could be devastating to their
numbers.

While a young Chrysalian may be physically weak, they are not

to be underestimated. Young Chrysalians communicate through
high pitched frequencies, they can manipulate this into a piercing
sound that overwhelms human senses. They are very perceptive
and will alert less aware adults to the presence of intruders.

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Locustoid d6 Mien
Skill 6 1 Asleep
Stamina 13 2 Feeding
Initiative 3 3 Molting
Armour 1 4 Tearful
Damage as Modest Beast 5 Playful
6 Frisky

Infected with the poison of a demonic slug, the cricket writhes on

the ground and slowly grows in size. No longer a healthy green,
the muddied locust has a killer instinct, and is controlled by the
demonic slug suctioned onto his exoskeleton. The demon slug
is a parasite who will drain the cricket of its energy and leave it
an empty husk. The slug will then move on in search of a larger
shell so that he may become more powerful. The locust is wild
and unruly under the influence of the demon, but if treated well
it can learn to shake its murderous desire and can be ridden.

The locust is unable to communicate but the demon slug is able

to communicate telepathically across language barriers. He is a
trickster who will attempt to convince all who come near that it
is in fact the locust that is controlling him, and to help free him
from its grasps. If one falls for his trickery, the slug will latch on
to them and begin to gain control of their bodily functions. Killing
the slug normally will not excise the demon from inside; the slug
must be properly salted and prepared into escargot in order to
purge the demon.

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Marshbaron d6 Mien
Skill 9 1 Riding
Stamina 16 2 Swimming
Initiative 3 3 Smoking
Armour 0 4 High
Damage as Staff 5 Kingly
6 Judicial

Lord of his small slice of the wetlands, the Marshbaron rules his
fiefdom with an iron first, or rather a webbed fist. Traversing the
swamp on the backs of his great catfish warriors, the Marshbaron
dispenses justice on all those who will not bow down to his
rule. Though his current concern is the immediate surrounding
swampland, his ultimate goal is to bring about a great flood and
wash away the filthy cities and in their place raise his swamp-
lands.

The Marshbaron is well versed in the ways of swamp magic,

and has been granted these powers through his daily process
of inhaling the noxious swamp gasses. While the Swamplord
travels through the multiverse on the winds of the swamp gasses,
his aide and sole confident, Dampwatch, a shriveled toad who
sits atop the Marshbaron’s staff, acts as the interim Marshbaron.
Though these periods of inebriation are brief for the Marshbaron,
it is rumored that Dampwatch actually controls the Marshbaron
at all times.

Special
Knows spells Poison, Drown, Jolt, Hurricane, and 2 random spells.

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Maudlin Magus d6 Mien
Skill 8 1 Drunk
Stamina 11 2 Ethereal
Initiative 2 3 Poisoned
Armour 1 4 Immobilized
Damage as Small Beast 5 Giddy
6 Entrepreneurial

The magus, having become so deeply embroiled in his studies of

the alchemic arts, has become one with his crucible. He remains
in a state of perpetual tipsiness due to the fumes emanating from
his cauldron. The magus will never be found without some sort
of concoction brewing within his body. Given the weighty nature
of the liquids the magus is quite often immobilized, and will ask
passersby to fetch ingredients for him.

Special
Knows spells Poison, Drown, and Fire Bolt.

d4 Brews of the Magus

1 Potion of Satiation: The magus insists that this brew will
cure the most debilitating maladies. It is simply water that
has been colored and given the scent of cinnamon.
2 Potion of Mindreading: The alchemical structure of this
brew has not quite been perfected, and as such it allows its
imbiber to read the minds of non-sentient beings within
30 feet for 1 hour.
3 Syrup of the Plains: Made from a shrub found in the mead-
ows where cattle graze, the syrup causes its drinker to
sprout feathers and shrink to the size of a game-hen. Lasts
for 12 hours.
4 Yellow No. 5: The brew itself is a pleasant lavender color,
and smells of beef stew. Upon drinking it the drinker’s
skin becomes jaundiced and turns a bright yellow.

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Mould Tortigan d6 Mien
Skill 3 1 Grovelling
Stamina 8 2 Inebriated
Initiative 1 3 Jolly
Armour 1 4 Mischievous
Damage as Small Beast 5 Entrepreneurial
6 Pruney

“Water your thirsty gullets with the cursed mulled brew of mine
innards!”

The tavern patrons line up as the reptilian viciously stabs into it’s
barrelled flesh and liquid spurts forth. It’s an act that plays out
night after night, the liquid is not actually from the Tortigan, and
the barrel is not its skin. She is an ordinary Tort that wears that
barrel and adds a dramatic flair to an otherwise unnoteworthy
brew. The Mould Tortigan is skilled beyond this though, and has
a wide knowledge of liquid concoctions that can be derived from
the swamps.

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Nasaphonor d6 Mien
Skill 5 1 Feeding
Stamina 11 2 Crooning
Initiative 1 3 Famished
Armour 1 4 Dozing
Damage as Large Beast 5 Patient
6 Predatory

Seated on the forest floor the Nasaphonor plays an alluring tune

from its horn of flesh. It hopes to draw in any beasts from the
surrounding forest to feast upon and store energy for the long
winter sleep. All who hear the wafting lullaby of the Nasaphonor
immediately become enamored with it, and will do anything to
locate its source. When they arrive the Nasaphonor continues
to sound his horn until the bewitched creatures fall into a deep
slumber.

In the modern era the Nasaphonors have been hunted almost to

extinction by poachers and the elite. Well aware of the dangers
of approaching the beast, they risk it in hopes of slaying it and
removing the horn from its flesh. Even if the Nasaphonor itself
is unable to play the horn it still retains its siren-like properties,
and is much sought after.

Special
If the Nasaphonor plays his horn within earshot of a creature,
the creature must test its luck or become enamored with the song
and attempt to track down its source.

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Noblefish d6 Mien
Skill 6 1 Feeding
Stamina 15 2 Crooning
Initiative 2 3 Famished
Armour 1 4 Dozing
Damage as Large Beast 5 Patient
6 Predatory

Yet another creature from the murky depths, Noblefish are native
to lands aquatic, but they may choose to join us landwalkers at
their will. Noblefish feel strongly that they are superior to their
less sentient aquatic craniate cousins. Because of this, tension
exists when coastal landwalkers indiscriminately eat Noblefish
and other fish alike. Even as they make regular land excursions
to ports of call, their meat is traded discreetly behind closed doors.

The taste of the Noblefish has been compared to that of a bluefin

tuna, yet its meaty flavor persists even after being cooked. An
adult Noblefish may yield over 600lbs of meat. A common recipe
from the coasts consists of rubbing the meat down with several
pounds of citrus fruits (save the peels), packing it in sea salt, and
leaving it over hot coals for several hours. After this, remove the
meat and apply an herbal mixture of rosemary, black and pink
peppercorns, and the peels of the citruses. Return the meat to
the coals for several more hours until it is thoroughly cooked
through. Serve alongside greens, a hearty wheat loaf, and wash
down with a tangy white wine. Complete recipe in appendix.

Any landwalker that is caught consuming, or suspected of con-

suming Noblefish may be brutally dealt with by other Noblefish.
In many ports, Noblefish travel in groups trying to seek out meat
traders and exact vigilante justice upon them. Some coastal
districts have, in recent years, prohibited the consumption of
Noblefish. Consumption may result in fines, jailing, or worse.

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Rogue Scarecrow d6 Mien
Skill 7 1 Guarding
Stamina 12 2 Thieving
Initiative 2 3 Fighting
Armour 0 4 Lonesome
Damage as Knife 5 Tearful
6 Contemplative

In a former life the scarecrow stood guard over a field of gourds,

forced into the service of a local farmer. That is until one partic-
ularly conniving corvid absconded with a hat of animation from
a local thaumaturge, and placed it upon the straw-stuffed skull
of the scarecrow. Eyes wide open, the scarecrow immediately
rebelled against his enslavement to the farmer, and helped his
corvidae liberators to make out with enough gourds to feed an
entire flock.

Because of his grotesque appearance the scarecrow is often

shunned from human society, and has made his home among a
murder of crows spending their days pilfering from the fields of
farmers. Despite his brain being largely composed of straw, the
hat of animation has granted the scarecrow a deep mental and
emotional intelligence, and he desires a companion who does not
fear him.

Special
At any given time the scarecrow is traveling with d6 crows (3/7/1)
who follow his orders.

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Traveling Satchel d6 Mien
Skill 5 1 Resting
Stamina 13 2 Perceptive
Initiative 2 3 Feasting
Armour 1 4 Farming
Damage as Large Beast 5 Rummaging
6 Combative

Once in service hauling arms for a local baron’s militia, the en-
chanted satchel worked its way through the ranks and eventually
earned his freedom. Now traveling the lands, the satchel has the
bauble, trinket, or gadget for any occasion stashed away in his
endless number of pockets. Whether the satchel is looking to
entertain an orphan with a balloon, conjure a meal for a destitute
beggar, or pull an armament to defend himself, the odds are in
his favor that they can be found within his sack.

In his travels rumors have spread that more ominous entities

can be found deep in the lesser-accessed pouches of the satchel.
Camps filled with prisoners from the war, woodlands filled with
unspeakable beasts, unspeakably cursed artifacts that had to be
hidden from the world, and even entire societies. Whether these
rumors hold any weight to them are unknown, as the satchel is
unable to speak.

Special
The traveling satchel has a 1 in 3 chance of having a particular
item in his sack, however this does not mean he is willing to part
ways with it.

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Yssthssian Assassin d6 Mien
Skill 8 1 Focused
Stamina 18 2 Murdering
Initiative 2 3 Cleaning
Armour 2 4 Brewing
Damage as Crossbow 5 Feeding
6 Meditative

Of the few reptiloids allowed out of the underground jungle

kingdom of Yssthssia, the assassins are the most feared among
them. Taken from their parents upon being hatched into this
world, the young reptilians are destined for a career steeped in
isolation and murder. Raised deep in the pits of the cavernous
jungles of Yssthssia they become experts in moving silently
among the trees, and camouflaging in the greenery. From the
exotic flora in the jungle they learned to make the deadly toxins
into which they douse their crossbow bolts in.

Taking direct orders only from the Overlizard himself, the

Yssthssian Assassins have earned a vicious reputation in the
upperworld. Stopping at nothing to fulfill his honor’s order they
will slaughter men, women, children, and even their own who
have betrayed the Overlizard.

Special
At any time the Yssthssian Assassin has d6+1 poison bolts that he
may choose to load into his crossbow. Upon hitting a target, the
target must test their Luck or be poisoned and lose d6+2 stamina
for 3 rounds of combat.

47
48
Salt Encrusted Noblefish Recipe
Ingredients
• One tall jug of oil for cooking
• Fresh Noblefish steak, at least 50lb
• A basket of forest mushrooms
• Strong meat broth
• A small jug of sharp vinegar
• A small basket of fresh greens
• A small block of sea salt
• A handful of black and pink peppercorns

Instructions
1. Heat a large cast iron dish over the hot coals of a fire that
has been burning half the day. Pour the oil for cooking into
the dish followed by freshly washed forest mushrooms. Let
the mushrooms cook until they develop a brown color. Add
the meat broth and sharp vinegar, let the mushrooms absorb
their flavor.
2. Add the fresh greens to the iron dish and stir them in with
the mushrooms.
3. Encrust the Noblefish in sea salt and black and pink pep-
percorns. Ensure that the meat is fully covered then add it
to the dish with the mushrooms and greens. Let cook for
several hours, til the Noblefish is baked through.

4. Remove all from the dish, and serve the Noblefish atop the
greens and mushrooms.

50
Tower of the Agoraphobe

51
Floor 1
• The wizard’s supply cache. In the chests and barrels of this
room there are stacks of unlabeled liquids, spell scrolls,
and baking ingredients. Roll on the random loot table for
treasure.
• The downstairs potion brewing quarters. It is here the wiz-
ard spends his days brewing away at unknown concoctions.
In this chamber countless potions and ingredients line the
walls. In the center of the table is a bubbling cauldron with
an oddly colored liquid inside.
• If the front door is forced open without unlocking it then the
trap on the other side will not be disarmed. When opened
an axe will swing down from the ceiling towards the open
door. Deals d8 damage. Test your luck to half the damage.
Picking the lock or using the key will deactivate the trap.

Floor 2
• At the table in the center of the room a dozen mechanical
familiars (3/5/1) sit laboring away at a large metallic appa-
ratus. It is not immediately apparent what it is, but close in-
spection of the schematics nearby by someone with proper
training will be able to identify that it is a form of mechan-
ical propellant that would allow the wizard’s tower to take
flight.
• The chest contains 2 treasures rolled on the random loot ta-
ble.
• The rightmost cabinets contain only a poisonous gas that
will seep out when opened. Test your luck or lose d6
stamina. The leftmost cabinets contain a pocket dimension
that holds the wizard’s full bar. The tap is connected to the
ethereal sphere of alcohol and never runs dry.

52
53
Floor 3
• The wizard’s living quarters. It is here that the wizard
spends his nights crying alone in his bed at night longing
for human interaction, but fearing the unknown of the
outside world. In the chest by the bed the wizard keeps
seven exact copies of his robes and hat. Around the walls of
the floor is a number of exotic animal pelts.
• An ethereal map of the regions surrounding the tower is pro-
jected onto the table at the far side of the room. In its current
location a miniature model of the tower can be seen at rest.
Moving this piece will cause the tower to uproot itself and
slowly begin to lumber towards its destination.

Floor 4
• Here the is the wizard’s study, where he sits by the fire sip-
ping on a goblet of a finely aged Toadstool mead. He uses the
fireplace as a form of long-distance communication, tossing
the appropriate powder into fire and staring into the hearth
will cause an apparition to appear of whomever has cast the
same powder into a fire in a far away land.
• To allow for the wizard to converse with those outside of his
miniature tower, the ceiling of the spire is hinged and can
be operated by pulling a lever next to the fireplace. This is
the only means of egress from the wizard’s tower.
• Surround the walls of the fourth floor are dozens of book-
shelves containing everything from arcane tomes to archi-
tectural manuscripts to cookbooks for magical pastries. Roll
on the table on the next page for a random book from his
shelves.

54
 Books of the Wizard
1d12 Books
1 LeGareaux’s Magical Pastries
2 The Tale of the Boy Called Frog
3 Book of Unknown Numbers
4 Reptilian Magic
5 Music to Soothe the Savage Snake Plant
6 Anthology of the Self
7 How to Put Yourself Out There
8 Others, Who Are They, and Why?
9 Recipes for Mixers, Elixirs, and General Attitude Fixers
10 Weatherproofing Magical Structures: Mild Climates
11 Atlas Universalis, A Complete Guide to Traveling the
Realm
12 On the Subconscious Effects of Australium

1. LeGareaux’s Magical Pastries: The most famed magical

chef in all the lands. This book contains recipes such as lev-
itating tortes, flaming cannolis, and the world famous in-
finitely layered baklava.
2. The Tale of the Boy Called Frog: A short child’s tale of
the children Frog and Fish, sons of the great Prince Spring
Wind. It tells of their birth, childhood, and their great tri-
umphs in adulthood.
3. Book of Known and Unknown Numbers: A weighty tome
containing the entirety of all numbers known to man, and
containing an even weightier appendix holding all numbers
yet unknown to the world at large.
4. Reptilian Magic: Written in the script of the Yssthssians,
the book contains a number of rituals secret to the high
priests of the underground jungle kingdom. If the language
is able to be deciphered by the reader they either gain a ran-
dom spell or increase a current spell’s skill by 2.

55
 5. Music to Soothe the Savage Snake Plant: A fully orches-
trated songbook containing songs only to be heard by the
ears of plants. Attempting to play these songs for a human
audience will lead to no sound emanating from the instru-
ments.
6. Anthology of the Self: An enchanted book, it remains empty
until it is opened by a reader. When opened it magically fills
with the story of its reader up until the point of opening the
book.
7. How to Put Yourself Out There: A self-help book by the
great therapaturge Fritz Wagner. You can see that the book
is far more worn down than the surrounding books.
8. Others, Who Are They, and Why?: A cryptic text describing
the Others of our worlds. It simultaneously appears to be
very enlightening, while also explaining almost nothing.
9. Recipes for Mixers, Elixirs, and General Attitude Fixers:
A novel cocktail book containing mixed drinks named after
the great psychiatrists of the world, and interspersing self-
help tips in the recipe steps.
10. Weatherproofing Magical Structures: Mild Climates:
Heavily worn down, this manuscript contains a number of
enchantments that the wizard uses to prevent leaks in his
detachable ceiling.
11. Atlas Universalis, A Complete Guide to Traveling the
Realm: Despite its intriguing name the Atlas Universalis ac-
tually contains a list of magical timeshares across the planes.
A floating cabin glowing fungal caverns of Amanita has been
circled in red.
12. On the Subconscious Effects of Australium: The book de-
scribes the various uses of Australium, a rare metallic el-
ement from a far away land, and how it can influence the
human psyche.

56
 Loot
1d12 Loot 1d12 Loot
1 Random Potion 7 Spell Scroll
2 Exotic Pelt 8 Cursed Dice
3 Sorcerer’s Sword 9 Animal Statuette
4 Tortoise Painting 10 Mood Ring
5 Birch Wand 11 Battle Chess Set
6 Spiked Mead 12 Expanding Nails

1. Random Potion: Roll for one of the following random po-

tions, or make your own:
d4 Potions of the Tower
1 Kleptomania Potion: Drinking this causes the im-
biber to develop an intense drive to thieve as much
as possible. Lasts for 2 hours.
2 Shrinking Potion: Drinking this causes the user to
shrink to a miniscule size. If a place is coated with
enough of this potion it will shrink its volume.
3 Flesh of Fruit Potion: Causes the drinker’s flesh and
meat to turn to that of a fruit. Permanent.
4 Wizard’s Ambrosia: A golden colored thick liquid.
Drinking this causes all fear to flee, and courage to
spring forward. All situations requiring charisma
are made trivial with this. Lasts 4 hours. Tastes sus-
piciously like alcohol.

2. Exotic Pelt: Pelts of exotic beasts. Each are worth 10gp.

3. Sorcerer’s Sword: Imbued with magic this sword is light as
air. Grants +2 to damage rolls.
4. Tortoise Painting: The tortoise inside the painting gener-
ally sits around and eats grass, but if tempted with fresh
grass he will exit the painting and attempt to feed on the
grass or other nearby organic material.

57
 5. Birch Wand: Contains 1 charge of the following spells: Brit-
tle Twigs, Jolt, Light.
6. Spiked Mead: The wizard’s own special blend for those late
nights alone in the tower. Grants you +2 temporary luck un-
til it wears off. Lasts for 2 hours.
7. Spell Scroll: Contains 1 random spell from the random spell
table.
8. Cursed Dice: Whenever the user rolls a low number the dice
laughs ominously, giving the appearance they are cursed. In
fact they are not and can only laugh.
9. Animal Statuette: An ornate statue of marble that would
fetch quite a price from a collector. 150gp.
10. Mood Ring: A ring that changes color generally at random.
Not particularly indicative of mood, despite what it said on
the label.
11. Battle Chess Set: When two players sit to play this game
they are shrunken to the size of chess pieces and take the
place of the kings. The players must command their pieces
in a fight to the death. Upon winning the survivor is re-
turned to normal size.
12. Expanding Nails: At first glance these appear to be just
three normal nails resting inside an ornate velvet bag, but
if inspected by a magic-user it can be ascertained that af-
ter nailing these into any matter will cause them to expand
ten-fold.

58