A Letter from the Past

December 24, 2021

“Ping!”

I was greeted by an odd sound on my computer, so early in

the morning. I got off my bed and tried to stretch as much as I
can, my unused joints crackled with satisfaction. The familiarity
of getting up in the morning never felt so good yet so sad.
Getting used to being stuck in bed for so long makes waking up
early such a huge struggle. Feeling like a grumpy bear that was
just poked, I decided to check my computer.

1 email from aaron_yu@gmail.com

“Huh? What is this? Some kind of joke?”

Those words came out of my mouth as confused thoughts

swirled around my brain.

He never sends me emails, maybe, this is just some stupid

prankster or scammer who uses email for tricking people. Though,
I clicked the message to find out. But to my surprise, it really
is him. My heart sank.

Subject: Merry Xmas Jusep!!

Nobody calls me by that sillified version of my name other

than him.

Huy Jusep,

Rise and shine and get your gay ass out of bed. I know this
pandemic made you the biggest couch potato but get off that damn
bed. . .

“I am now, you asshole!” I said.

 A then distant but now familiar voice just read the
following words in my mind.

... It’s Christmas, I’m so sorry that would not be spending my

holidays with you buhuu. Though I was excited that I would
finally meet your parents, taste your mom’s cooking, tell them
that their son was one of the best things that has happened in
my life and also to smack that ass HAHAHA :))...

There he is again, with the inappropriate jokes. I stipled a

smile. Still couldn’t believe what I was reading.

...Now before you bawl and look ugly, I forgot to say that your
fave ‘Your Name’ t-shirt was actually in my apartment all along,
it wasn’t lost...

“Yeah, I found it when we went there” I replied in my mind.

It was the one of the things that I treasure so much. That t-
shirt. It was a very nice memento of how we started our
relationship. But now, I could not even manage to take it out of
my closet. Too much memories?

...I still remember we almost fought about it, you got pouty
and all. Too late to buy you a new one :<. Remember our first
date as boyfriends? That time I gave you that damn shirt, I
actually bought it last minute before we met that day and to my
own surprise I had no idea that you’ll love the random shirt
that I picked HAHAHA :)) After that you were so happy that I saw
the geeky side of you, hahaha NERD!...
 “Nerd? How dare you call me that?”

I still remember that time so vividly. He looked so nervous

at that date, beads of sweat coming down his forehead. He
suddenly handed me a gift, I opened it and to my surprise it was
a printed t-shirt of my my favorite movie. Then he relaxed after
seeing my reaction.

... After that you forced me to watch the movie together, that
was the first time I cried so hard in a movie ( how dare you?).
I was so mad at you for that, I could still remember you teary-
eyed while laughing at me. You were so cute at that time, but me
cuter though :p..

I still remember this, I took a video of him secretly. Puffy

eyed after he was ugly sobbing at Makoto Shinkai’s masterpiece.

...I miss our movie nights and you complaining about my film
choices but ended up falling in love with it. Guess who has
better tastes then?

He was right. I was so not into local movies but when he

played “Four Sisters and a Wedding”, my life changed..

...I know you hate me for being cheesy and sentimental at times,
I don’t care. Being your boyfriend was the best thing that has
happened to me, you gave my life back. When the world stripped
me of my self, reducing me into a mere shell of my existence.
You were there to help me spring back on track after dealing
within the dark clouds of my depression and I love you so much
for that. I can’t thank you enough for everything...

Reading these words as if it is our normal conversation, I

would probably tell him to stop being cheesy. But now.. I don’t
know.. I don’t know...

...While I’m writing this, I am actually listening to the news

on the tv. A vaccine for COVID is now in the works, I hope they
could make it faster so that I could see you. Tang*na! I miss
you so bad. I want to fight this virus, for us to spend to the
rest of our lives together...

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as memories, good and bad

came crashing down. The hospital. That phonecall from his mom on
Christmas day, the memories that I tried to bury all these past
few months, all came flashing back... Then I broke down sobbing,
wailing for the longing.

I can hear my mom knocking at my door. It startled me and I

fixed myself, wiped my tears and all. I opened the door, she was
there at the threshold, teary-eyed as well. She knows.

“Are you okay,Joseph, anak?” she asked.

I nodded. “Ma, I think I will visit him tomorrow... at the

cemetery”.

She nodded, “Okay anak,I’ll go with you.” She smiled and

left.
 I went back into the computer and read the rest of his
message.

...But if you’re reading this now, probably, it may have been

too late. I’m sorry if I did not fight harder.

I love you my lil crybaby. See you on the other side. Merry
Christmas.

Always,

Aaron <3

<Scheduled email>

[Composed: December 23, 2020]

[Scheduled email sending: December 24, 2021]