SJFGHSLG KGHEDLKG VDSF GDFS;G ConversationCasanovaHow to Effortlessly Start

Conversations and Flirt Like a ProDave PerrottaCopyright © 2016 Dave PerrottaAll

rights reserved.DisclaimerAll attempts have been made to verifythe information in
this book; however,neither the author nor the publisherassumes any responsibility
for errors,omissions, or contrary interpretations ofthe content within.This book is
for entertainment purposesonly, and so the views of the authorshould not be taken
as expert instructionor commands. The reader is responsiblefor his or her own
actions.Neither the author nor the publisherassumes any responsibility or liability
on behalf of the purchaser or reader ofthis book.Buyer BonusAs a way of saying
thank you for yourpurchase, I’m offering a FREEdownload that’s exclusive to my book
and blog readers.It’s a Texting “Cheat Sheet” thatcontains 18 powerful texts to
capture herattention, get her on a date, and turn heron.Click HERE to Download Your
CheatSheet NowInside you will learn:-3 proven texts for setting up the date-3 texts
that turn her on and make herthink about you-A proven text that gets her to respond
every time (even if she’s been ignoringyou)-Simple online dating text openers for
Tinder, OkCupid, etc.…and much, much more.DedicationThis book is dedicated to all
of thewomen in my life – past and present.You’re all beautiful, intelligent,
amazing,and you taught me more about myselfthan you can possibly know. You put up
with my awkward jokes, my bad stories,and all the other BS. Through the lessons
you’ve directly (and indirectly) taughtme, my life and my conversations willnever
be the same. It’s also dedicated tomy friends and family members whosupported me
while I researched andwrote the book. David, Danny, George,Levi, June, Mom, Dad –
thank you all.I’m grateful for your support.ContentsPrologue: Straight Talk“How
Does He Make It Look SoEasy?”How to Use This BookWho Am I to Write a Book About
Conversation?How to Master ConversationPart I: The Casanova Mindsets (TheDeeper
Level of Conversation)Why Your Mindsets are CrucialTaking Responsibility for Your
LifeOvercoming the Need for ValidationA Man With Purpose“She’s Into Me”Part II:
Initiate the ConversationWhat to Do When You’re Afraid toApproach Her5 Ways to
Start a Conversation WithAny GirlHow to Make a Great FirstImpressionWhat to Say
After You Start theConversationPart III: The Guide to Sexy FlirtingWhat is Flirting
– And Why Do MostMen Suck at It?The Biggest Key to Effective FlirtingSubtlety,
Exaggeration, and Becomingthe PrizeHow to Tease Her the Right WayFlirting Without
Your WordsPart IV: ConnectGet Her TalkingHow to Get Past Small Talk andConnect With
Her5 Go-To Conversation Topics forConnectingPart V: CaptivateHow to Talk About
Yourself in anAttractive WayHow to Tell a Kick-Ass Story ThatHooks Her InPart VI:
The Final ConversationA Simple Habit to Improve YourConversation SkillsHow to
Genuinely Love WomenThe Final TalkBonus Chapter: 20 Questions to Ask aGirl on the
First DateYour Next StepCan You Do Me a Favor?About the AuthorPrologue:Straight
Talk“How Does HeMake It Look SoEasy?”“What the hell is he saying to her? Howdoes he
make it look so easy?”You’re out at the bar, and you see anormal-looking dude
approach abeautiful girl. Within minutes, she’scompletely enraptured by the
conversation. Laughing, smiling,touching the guy – the whole nine yards.All the
while, you sit back and wonderwhat type of magic spell this guy has puther under
(and why you didn’t go up andtalk to her first!).“Is he rich? Were they friends
beforehand? Are they dating?” yourbrain starts to rationalize what’shappening.
Before you know it, she has her phoneout and she’s giving him her number…or worse,
she’s leaving the bar with him!You’re hit with feelings of jealousy andenvy. You
think back to yourconversations where you couldn’t “findthe right word,” or just
couldn’t “click”with the girl.Has this ever happened to you?It used to happen to me
all the time.So, what are these guys saying? Howare they connecting so quickly,
flirting soeasily, and attracting women soeffortlessly?Well, what you’ll discover
is that it’snot all that complicated after all.The guys who “get it” – they all do
similar things in conversation. Theyknow how to make things sexual, makewomen
laugh, have a good time, andconnect with women.What’s more, you’ll also discover a
system so that you can easily replicatethese types of conversations – and add in
your own style.Sounds great, right?Hold on a second though…You may be thinking,
“What about allthose studies that say ‘95% ofcommunication is non-verbal’? Is
conversation really that important?”Fair point. But tell me, if you try andwatch a
movie in a different language(without subtitles), will you understand95% of it?
Certainly not…(Trust me, I’ve tried…)Sure, there are a lot of things you canand
should communicate non-verbally…But in order to truly connect with awoman, you need
to use your words.This is how you find out her deeperaspirations, her personality,
and whetheror not she’s the type of girl for you.This is how you ask her the
questionsthat will give the interaction a deepermeaning.What’s more, this is how
you make herFEEL something. And if you can make awoman feel good emotions, she
can’thelp but be attracted to you.Plus, the more you can connect withpeople through
conversation, the moreyour world will open up to you.Soon, you won’t have to wonder
howthose guys make it “look so easy.”Because YOU’LL be the guy who theother guys
look at with jealousy, as youeffortlessly attract women with yourwords.Your dating
life will be abundant, yourrelationships will flourish, and you’llhave more
opportunities than you canimagine.What you’re about to discover is asystem that
anyone can use to unlock thepower of conversation.Whether you’re talking to women
duringthe day, at the bar, or at your job – itdoesn’t matter. This conversation
systemwill work anywhere.So sit down and buckle up. The way youtalk to people is
about to changeforever…How to Use ThisBookAnyone can pick up this book and read it–
but not everyone will see results.The difference between a man who usesthis book to
transform his conversationskills and the man who reads this bookbut fails to make
changes is one smallthing: action.To get the most out of this book, youmust do 2
things:1. Be open to accepting new ideas.2. Take action and implement the
conversation strategies into your life.When it comes to the dating realm, manymen
are closed off to new ideas. Theythink, “This is instinct. I already get it. Imay
not be having success with womenright now, but it’ll come. It’s just amatter of
time.”I get it man. Dating is a sensitivesubject. Most men identify strongly with
their ability to attract and date women (Iknow I did). And by opening themselvesup
to new ideas, they essentiallyquestion that ability. It’s a tough blow tothe ego.
But let me ask you a question…How well have those ideas served youup to this point?
If you’re not having the success withwomen you want, and you’re notconnecting with
women throughconversations, then your ideas areholding you back.In this book you’ll
learn a whole newapproach to conversation and dating. Iencourage you to read it
with an openmind. You may be familiar with some ofthe concepts. You may have an
urge toget defensive when I discuss theconversation “pitfalls.” Instead ofbrushing
them off and saying, “I wouldnever make those mistakes,” I encourageyou to get
introspective and be honestwith yourself.But you can’t just read a book andexpect
it to get you results. Your resultsare dependent on the amount of actionyou take
based on your reading.That’s why I’ve made the system highlyactionable. So, you can
put it into use asyou’re reading.If you do this, I can promise you your
conversations will transform, you’llattract more women, and you’ll startbecoming
the man you’ve always knownyou could be.But before we get into the system, I wantto
take a second to introduce myself,present my qualifications for writing thisbook,
and tell you why I’m writing it…Who Am I toWrite a BookAboutConversation?You might
be thinking, “Who is this guy,and what does he know about dating andconversation?”I
get it man. You’ve been fed shittydating advice and creepy “pickup”tactics for
years. You’re not about totrust your dating life with a randomschmuck.So let me
introduce myself. My nameis Dave Perrotta. I’m a dating coachand the founder of
PostGradCasanova.And while I can rant about how I’vebeen featured on SimplePickup’s
Project Go or how my bloggets over 80,000 visits per month, Idon’t want to be a
douche.But I haven’t always been good attalking to women and connecting through
conversations.Things used to be A LOT different…***“David, you’re going to be
late!” mymom called out from down the stairs…I didn’t care. I wanted to be late. I
hatedtaking the bus to Hugh B. Bain MiddleSchool, back in my hometown ofCranston,
Rhode Island because italways showed up to school early. Tooearly.We’d have to
stand outside for at least15 minutes before the school doorsopened. And for me,
those 15 minutesfelt like hours.All the other kids talked and socializedwith each
other. But I’d stand by thefront stairs, alone, painfully searchingfor a group of
acquaintances to “tagalong” with. I hated feeling like anoutcast almost as much as
I was afraid ofconversing with new people.And yet, every morning for three years, I
faced this uncomfortable fate. Thoughtslike, “Am I really this much of a loser?”
“Why can’t I just talk to people?” “Whatdo I say?” raced through my head…I wanted
to talk to people, but I wasafraid
they wouldn’t accept me. I wasafraid I wouldn’t know what to say, andI’d be
exposed as a loser. Everything inlife seemed closed off.You see, I was the “shy
guy” in school. Igrew up with a stutter, and the doctorsthought I had Asperger’s (a
form ofautism) until I was about 14.Women felt like a different species, andthe
idea of conversation scared the hellout of me. I just wanted to hang in myroom,
avoid the world, and play videogames.Until one day, I couldn’t do it anymore. I
needed some sort of release. I needed tobe a part of the world. I needed to havea
fucking life.I wanted to date beautiful women. Iwanted to connect with people. I
wantedto be somebody. And I knew I couldn’tdo any of those things while I waslocked
up in my room.And so, my journey began.It started off slow. As I tried to breakout
of my shell, I fell into common socialtraps, like trying too hard to fit in.I swore
a lot because I thought it wascool, and I constantly got kicked out ofclass. I
talked shit to people and got intofights (that I usually lost). I tried to flirt
with girls, but failed miserably.As the years passed and I grew, I startedto make
noticeable progress. Throughtrial and error, I started to learn how toconnect with
people. As I got morecomfortable in my own skin, I learnedhow to flirt with women
and become abit funnier.At one point, I even had a girlfriendBut by the time I
started college, Istill wasn’t where I wanted to be.So I made it even more of a
point toimprove. I read books, listened toprograms, and took action – especiallyin
the dating realm.I made more embarrassing mistakes withwomen than all my friends
combined –but also talked to more people – and alot more women – than all my
friendscombined.This was a huge part of mydevelopment, but it still wasn’t enough.
So, once I hit 21 years old, I triedsomething new…How I Finally Mastered
Conversation After Years ofShyness and RejectionIt seemed clear what the missing
piecewas – I needed to be around guys whowere good at talking to women. I neededto
see what they were doing and howthey were doing it.That way, I could figure out
what I wasdoing wrong, and accelerate myprogress.So I asked myself, “How can I find
guyswho know this stuff?”After a quick Google search, I found acommunity in Boston
of guys who wentout and talked to girls.Hesitantly, I signed up. A couple weeks
later, I drove up to Boston and went to agroup meetup.I had no idea what to expect.
(Little did I know, this one night wouldcompletely change the trajectory of mylife.
It would be the start of a mentalshift that would lead me to a life of
entrepreneurship, world travel, andadventures I didn’t even think werepossible.
What’s even crazier is I wouldbecome great friends with 8-9 of theseguys, and meet
up with them all aroundthe world [business conferences inBangkok, parties in
Colombia, etc.]. Butthat’s a story for another time.)We hit the club, and I quickly
realized:many of these guys were “naturally”good at talking to women. All of their
interactions seemed to flow smoothly.I knew I could learn a ton from theseguys.For
the rest of that summer, I went outevery weekend and watched closely asthese
“natural guys” seemed to attractwomen effortlessly. I saw the way theystruck up
conversations smoothly, mademoves, and brought girl after girl back totheir place…I
tried to mirror what they did, and Istarted getting better and better. But itwas a
slow process. I’d have some greatconversations with women, yetsometimes, I’d fall
flat on my face. Still,I constantly took action, interacted withwomen, and
continued to learn.I had some hiccups along the way – butas I learned from my
mistakes, I mademore progress. I was dedicated to thecause.Soon enough, I was going
on 2-3 dates aweek and sleeping with a new girlalmost every weekend (all while I
wasbroke and living with my parents)…What I learned is you don’t need to berich,
great looking, or have a great job tomeet and attract women… But you DOneed the
right mindset, the confidence toapproach and start conversations, andthe ability to
communicate sexually.I also discovered that:-You can learn how to get to knowpeople
on a deeper level-You can learn how to be witty andmake women laugh-You can learn
how to communicatesexually and turn women on-You can learn how to give a woman the
most amazing conversation she’s everhad…every time.-You can learn how to use
conversationto get women irresistibly attracted to youand thinking about going home
withyou…minutes after first meeting you.All of these things started happening tome
as I mastered conversation.Armed with this knowledge and knowhow,I started
surpassing even the“natural” guys. That’s when I realized,“Shit, I need to start
helping other guysdo this too…”That was around 4 years ago.Since then, I’ve started
PostGradCasanova where I’ve helpedthousands of men improve theirconfidence, master
conversation skills,meet more women, and have amazingsex lives.And now, I’ve
distilled everything I’velearned into one system that any man canuse to master
conversation and connectwith women.Whether you’re broke, living with yourparents,
shy, or have been called“creepy” in the past… it doesn’t matter.This system will
give you thefoundation and tools you need to be thekind of man who attracts any
women hewants, connects with people, is themaster of social situations, and has a
thriving sex life.How to MasterConversationThis book is divided into 6 key parts:1.
The Casanova mindsets (masteringthe 4 mindsets that are essential toflirting with
women)2. Initiate the conversation (how toapproach a girl and get the conversation
going)3. The guide to sexy flirting(communicate sexually and turn her onwith your
words)4. Connect (how to develop theconversation and connect with women)5.
Captivate (compel and attract womenthrough conversation)6. The final conversation
(extra tips formaking every conversation go well)Part 1 will give you the mindsets
of aman who attracts women throughconversation. This will be yourfoundation.Part 2
will help you start theconversation the right way, so you candevelop it into
something more.Part 3 will give you the essentials forflirting and sexual
communication.You’ll learn how to make conversationsmore sexual, flirt, and turn
women onwith your words.Part 4 will be your guide to connectingwith women. You’ll
learn what to do andwhat NOT to do – so that yourconversations flow smoothly and
youcan connect with women easily.Part 5 will teach you to capturewomen’s attention
and attract themthrough conversation. You’ll learn howto hook her in with stories
and how totalk about yourself in an attractive way.And finally, part 6 will give
theremaining conversation strategies andtips you need to get through any
conversation successfully.Now, it’s time to dive into part 1: thedeeper level of
conversation. So rollyour sleeves up and get ready!Part I:The CasanovaMindsets(The
Deeper Levelof Conversation)“Once your mindset changes,everything on the outside
will changealong with it.”-Steve MaraboliWhy YourMindsets areCrucialThink of your
mindsets as yourfoundation.With a solid foundation, you can buildsomething amazing
and strong.But with a shaky foundation, you have ahouse of cards. If one little
thing goeswrong, it can send the whole thingtoppling down – and you along with it.
Adding to that, a good mindset will helpyou to take the right action most of the
time. Even if you’ve never faced aparticular situation before, you’ll beable to
react calmly and efficiently…On the opposite end, a negative mindsetmay cause you
to freak out and react inan unhelpful way.Your mindset is especially importantwhen
it comes to dating andconversation.For example, let’s say you’ve hung outwith a
girl a few times. Things seem tobe going well – you have fun togetherand you seem
to connect with each othereasily.But let’s say you’ve unconsciouslyadopted a
negative mindset, like “I needwomen to prove my self-worth.”So, when she doesn’t
text you back for aday, your mind starts flooding withinsecurity. “Has she figured
me out? Iknew I wasn’t good enough after all!Wait, who does this girl think she is?
I’mgonna show her!”Then, you lash out and tell her youdeserve better and you can’t
believeshe’s being so inconsiderate.She explains that she was just studyingfor a
test, and she can’t believe you’resuch an asshole. That’s the last you hearfrom
her.You see, if you have a bad mindset, itdoesn’t matter how successful you arewith
women.The second you get a negative signalfrom a girl, it can trigger a downward
spiral. That’s because you’re confidenceand self-worth will be dependent on the
approval of women.But with a good mindset, you can brushthings off more easily and
move on.What’s more, you’re far more likely tosay the right things in conversation.
For example, if you have a positivemindset like, “All women are attractedto me
until proven otherwise,” you’lltalk to a woman like she’s attracted toyou. In doing
so, you’ll be moreflirtatious, confident, and naturally moresexual. You’re far more
likely to movethe conversation towards what you want(like sex or a future date).
Remember: Your mindsets dictate yourthoughts, your thoughts dictate youractions,
and your actions dictate yourresults.Part I is all about diving into the 4“Casanova
mindsets” for flirting andconversation. Once you internalize thesemindsets,
everything else will becomemuch easier.So, follow along closely, do the action
steps, and get ready for a mental shift.TakingResponsibility forYour LifeThe
average guy won’t have the successwith women that he craves.He will do okay (after
all, there are afew billion women out there)…But odds are,
his dating trajectory willlook something like this…-He’ll meet a few girls through
hisfriends and college classes. He’ll date afew here and there.-When he graduates,
he’ll meet a girl ortwo from his work.-Occasionally he’ll go out, get drunk,and
“get lucky” with a new girl at thebar or club.-He’ll get tired of the “single life”
andstart dating a girl from his social circle.The relationship will go on a little
longer than it probably should.-This cycle will continue until heeventually settles
with a girl who hethinks is the “best he can do”, though shedoesn’t really match up
with his valuesor the traits he desires.-He’ll bicker to his friends about howhis
wife is always trying to “controlhim” and “take his freedom” and thiswill go on and
on…-Divorce, death, taxes, etc.In short, he doesn’t have much controlover his
dating life, or his life ingeneral. It’s highly dependent on thegirls who sort of
“stumble” into his lifethrough work, friends, and drunkenescapades.But here’s the
thing: if you don’t takecontrol of your life, it’s impossible toget what you want.
Your results will be random. And youwill not be happy with that randomness.Here’s
an example…I was an accounting major in college. Alittle more than half way through
gettingmy degree, I started to have doubts aboutmy career decision.“Do I really
want to become anaccountant? This whole thing seems alittle…boring,” I thought.
Although I had doubts, I also felttrapped. I’d already finished 2.5 years ofschool,
and there was A LOT ofpressure on me to continue.What else was I supposed to do?
Switchmy major? Drop out of school? Andwhat would I tell my parents?Accounting was
a secure career option.It was too hard to pass up.“I’ll just keep going with it for
now andsee what happens,” I concluded.In doing so, I avoided taking control and
responsibility of my life at that moment.I left my success and happiness up tomere
chance.The result?I ended up suffering through the rest ofmy accounting classes and
getting anaccounting degree, followed by an officejob that I hated.Now, let’s fast-
forward a few years andsee how things changed…This time, instead of leaving things
up tomere chance, I was fed up anddetermined to lead my life in thedirection I
wanted.I decided, “Enough is enough,” and quitmy accounting job. What I really
wantedwas the freedom to make money online,travel the world, and do work I wasproud
of.So, I buckled down and started learningthe necessary skills. After a few months,
I was earning enough monthly income tomove to Vietnam, where I knew therewere
hundreds of online entrepreneurs Icould network with. So, I pulled thetrigger and
made the drastic life-changeof moving to Asia.In the two years since, I’ve lived in
fivedifferent countries. I currently live on thebeaches in Playa Del Carmen,
Mexico,where I’ve learned Spanish, flirt withbeautiful Mexican women, and love
life.After this, I plan to keep traveling foryears.It’s the exact lifestyle I
dreamed of afew years ago. And the only reason it’spossible is because I decided to
takeresponsibility for my life.You see, we don’t always control whathappens to us.
But we always control a)how we interpret what happens to us,and b) how we respond
to what happensto us. Therefore, whether weconsciously recognize it or not, we are
always responsible for our experiencesand our life.Casanova Mindset #1: I am
responsible for my life andmy circumstances.Let’s look at this through a dating
lensagain.Think back to your failures with women(we’ve all had them)… There was
always a reason for your failure.Sometimes you had control, andsometimes it was out
of your control.But you have to remove the blame fromwomen and take full
responsibility.For example:-You’re on a date with a girl, and theconversation is
going well. You starttelling her about your proudestaccomplishments and hinting at
howmuch money you make. She smiles andnods, but doesn’t text you back after the
date. Why would she want a man whofeels the need to constantly impressher? She can
sense the insecurity.-You’re sleeping with a girl and youstart to become infatuated
with her. Youthink about her all the time, and heapaffection on her whenever you
can. Sheseems happy at first, but quicklybecomes more and more distant.Eventually,
she backs off and asks forsome time apart. Why would she want aman who makes a
woman his mainpurpose?These are situations where you’d betempted to become bitter
towardswomen. But instead, you need to manageyour emotions, shift your perspective,
and accept responsibility.By taking responsibility, you can focuson what you need
to improve, instead ofgetting bitter.Think of how this mindset will affectyour
conversations.With it, you’ll understand that:-It’s your responsibility to make
something happen with the girl-It’s your responsibility to lead theconversation in
a positive way-And you’re responsible for the outcomeof the interactionIn doing so,
you will shift the way youlook at conversation. And you’ll be farmore likely to
take action on the nittygrittyconversation tactics we’ll talkabout in Part II and
beyond…Also, think about how this mindset canaffect your life…You see, most people
live reactivelives. They are slaves to theircircumstances, and they react to
whatever life throws at them. But inorder to be successful in any area, youmust
take success into your own hands.Realize that you have much more controlover your
circumstances and your lifethan you might think.Action tip: Write down 2things in
your life that youfeel like you’re not takingfull responsibility for. Then,write
down how you cantake control of these thingsright now…For example, “I’ve put on
some weightbecause I haven’t been going to the gym.I can take control of this by
finding agym routine and sticking to it 3x aweek.”Overcoming theNeed forValidation
Deep down, most men believe they areinherently not “enough.” They need otherthings
to complete them, whether it bewomen, money, fame, etc. (or somecombination of
those).They want to be respected by other men,and desired by attractive women.This
leads to needy behavior, becausethey’re always trying to find the“missing piece.”
This makes their conversations shallow,because they’re always trying to “get
something” out of the other person.Here’s the thing: You will never findthat
missing piece. There will always bemore to desire.Once you score a date with the
girl,you’ll want to bring her back to yourplace. Once you bring her to your place,
you’ll want to have sex with her. Then,you’ll want to tell your friends about itand
“show her off.” That will be niceand feel good, but the good feeling willwear off.
Soon, you’ll want more. You’ll want toexperience this feeling of approvalagain, and
you’ll need other women tofill the need. You’ll need to keep tryingharder to
impress your friends and yourparents. The cycle will never end.If you’re thinking,
“I don’t have thisproblem!” then I have a question foryou…Think of dating/picking
up your dreamgirl. What excites you more?Experiencing her beauty, personality,and
passion? Or bragging to your friendsabout getting such a ‘hottie’?Be honest with
yourself.For a long time, it was the latter for me.I approached and talked to women
largely to impress other men. It was theonly way I could prove my worth.I remember
back when I started collegeand pledged a fraternity. At that point, Ihad only slept
with 1 girl. All the otherfraternity guys bragged about sleepingwith 10 or more. I
felt like I wasn’tenough – I needed more.So I made it a point to sleep with asmany
women as possible – and bragabout it as much as I could. I often cameoff shallow
because women could tell Ididn’t care about them - I only wantedthe validation they
would give me.Now, I have a different perspective.When I see a girl, I don’t think
of thevalidation she can give me. Instead, Ithink, “She’s attractive, and I want to
talk her. I’ll find out if she’s cool, and ifshe is, maybe we can make something
happen.”So, for you – how do you overcome theneed for validation?That leads us to
our second mindset…Casanova Mindset #2: I amenough. I don’t need theapproval of
anyone else tofeel complete.Many people live their life on “defaultmode.” They
don’t take the time toanalyze their true motivations anddesires.Often times, their
motivations are basedon getting approval from other people.For me, and maybe for
you, this was thecase.In doing so, they focus on living up toother people’s values
instead of theirown. That’s a recipe for failure.Two of my biggest values are
freedomand creativity. Back when I was studyingaccounting, I was living up to my
parents’ values of security and stability.This led to extreme unhappiness and
stress.But when I started focusing more on myvalues, I became much happier. Now, I
enjoy the freedom I have to travel, aswell as the creativity I can use to write
books like this one.When you focus on getting approval, youlive up to other
people’s values. As youdevelop the mindset that “you areenough,” you start living
up to your ownvalues.Action tip: Write down yourfive most important values.Rate
yourself from 1-10 oneach value. For thecategories you rate poorly,think of how you
canimprove and write it down.For example, let’s say you valuefreedom and wealth,
but you’re workingat a time-consuming job that doesn’t paywell. Maybe this means
you start a “sidehustle” so you can eventually quit yourjob, achieve more freedom,
and makemore money.A Man WithPurposeWe’ve all heard the quote, “If you don’tknow
where you’re going, any road willtake you there.”Most men don’t know where they’re
going. They’re so focused on making aliving that they forget to actually live.This
purposeless
existence is terriblefor building a life, and terrible for datingas well.You see,
women are attracted to menwith purpose; a driving goal, propellingthem forward
despite the obstacles. Menwith purpose don’t depend on women’sapproval.A man with
purpose isn’t affected by abad conversation or two.Women know when they’re talking
tomen with purpose because these menhave a different look in their eyes. Theyknow
where they’re going in a worldwhere so many people are lost. They’restriving for
something, instead of “goingwith the flow” and blowing in thefucking wind.Casanova
Mindset #3:Women are not my #1priority. I have a missionand purpose outside of
women.You need to have a mission in lifeoutside of women. Otherwise, you willbe too
tempted to give up on yourpassions and your direction in life andfocus completely
on women. Womenwill sense that they are the center of yourworld, and you won’t be
able togenuinely love them or connect withthem. Instead, you will rely on them to
fill needs that they cannot fill. This willundermine your conversations and your
relationships.Action Tip: Finding YourPurpose: Ask yourself,“What was a moment when
Ifelt extremely energized andexcited? And what was Idoing at that time?” Writedown
your answer. Byrecognizing what makes youfeel most alive andinvigorated, you can
betterunderstand yourmotivations – this can helpyou clarify your purpose.Thinking
back to my early days, Ialways loved to write. I’d post multipleMyspace blogs every
week. I also lovedto be in front of large groups of people –I’d perform rap songs
every chance Icould.Through my blog, books, and videos, Ihave the privilege of
doing both.So dig deep with this action tip and askyourself how you can start doing
more ofthe things that make you come alive. Bypursuing these passions, you’ll give
yourself the best chance to create a lifeyou’re truly proud of.“She’s Into Me”Most
women aren’t going to comestraight out and tell you they like you.This poses a
problem for most guys,especially if you’re on the newer end ofthe spectrum.You
spend your time searching for signsthat a woman is attracted to you (allwhile you
don’t really understand howto read those signs).The result? You move slower with
women as you struggle to read the signs.And when you don’t get the signs youthink
you need, you avoid making amove. In doing so, you lose your chancewith the girl.
But there is a solution to this…You must assume attraction from allwomen until
proven otherwise. And by“proven otherwise,” I mean until sheliterally walks always
or flat out tellsyou she isn’t interested.(Sidenote: Be smart about this.Obviously
don’t cross the line and makewomen uncomfortable with unwantedphysical advances. If
she says no, thenstop.)Casanova Mindset #4: Allwomen are attracted to meuntil
proven otherwise.Is she dressed nice? It’s because she’strying to impress you.
She’s playing withher hair? She’s into you. She’s standingwith good posture? It’s
because shewants you to notice her breasts and herbutt popping out.Every single
sign she gives you is a signof attraction and interest.Compare this to the
“innocent untilproven guilty” nice guy approach. Thisguy writes off all those
signs. Forexample: “Oh, she’s playing with herhair? She must just be adjusting it;”
“Shemade eye contact with me? Oh well, sheprobably has a boyfriend.”You must take
the first approach. Whenyou see and interact with women you’reinterested in, you
must treat them likeyou’re going to date them and bring themhome.This will change
the way you talk towomen, and also allow you to meetmore women.Think of all the
ways this mindset cancome in handy…-You see a pretty girl sitting in the café?
Assume she will be attracted to you andgo introduce yourself.-A cute girl from your
improv classstarts talking to you after class? Assumeshe’s interested and ask if
she wants tograb a drink.-A girl is out with you on a date?Assume she wants to go
home with youand ask if she wants to go back to yourplace for a drink.-Texting a
girl to try and get a date?Assume she’s already interested and cutto the chase.By
assuming attraction, you’ll giveyourself the best chance with women inevery
interaction.Assuming attraction won’t make womenmagically fall all over you. If a
girl isn’tinterested in you, “assuming attraction”won’t be enough to flip her.But
if you approach them confidently,most women will be at least a littleintrigued and
open to you. By assumingattraction, you’ll filter out the womenwho wouldn’t have
been into youanyway, and give yourself a much betterchance of attracting the women
who areat least open to you.What’s crazy is your reality starts toreflect your
beliefs. When you assumewomen are attracted to you, you’ll startacting like it.
You’ll make more sexualinnuendos, lead women, and put yourselfin a position to
succeed. You’ll be morecomfortable interacting with womenbecause you won’t be
worried aboutpicking up on their signs of attraction.Action Tip: Write down 2
thoughts that come to yourhead when you see a girlyou’re attracted to. Askyourself:
Are theyempowering?Action Tip 2: When you seea girl, imagine herresponding very
positivelytowards you. Then say toyourself, “This girl wantsme so bad"This mindset
will help you approachand lead women, make the move, andimprove pretty much every
other aspectof your dating life. It will also give youa big shot of confidence.Part
II: Initiatethe ConversationWhat to Do WhenYou’re Afraid toApproach HerBefore you
can engage in aconversation, you must be able to startone.Luckily for you, there
are billions ofwomen on the planet. So, it’s notdifficult to find one to start a
conversation with.And yet, so many men have trouble withthis.Why? Well, it’s a
combination of fearand insecurity.They’re afraid that women will rejectthem – and,
even if they somehow makeit through the first part of theconversation, they’re
afraid that they’llrun out of things to say.And so, they rarely initiate
conversations. As a result, they don’tmeet nearly as many women as theyshould be
meeting.In the coming sections, you’ll learnexactly what to say to keep the
conversation flowing. But first, we haveto get you through the beginning.So let’s
tackle that fear ofapproaching…***You’re in line at the supermarket. Youlook over
to the next register line, and abeautiful girl catches your eye.You admire her hair
and her style, andyou smile for a moment – she’s exactlyyour type.“Credit or
debit?” the cashier repeats,as you snap back to reality and hand heryour card. You
sign the receipt and grabyour bags – but when you look back tosee the girl, she’s
gone.“Damn!” you think to yourself. Youmissed your shot. But as you walk outthe
door, you see the same girl walkingright in front of you.You clam up for a second,
wondering ifyou should make your move or let hergo…The excuses start flooding your
brain…“She probably has a boyfriend…”;“She’s a little too tall for meanyway…”; “She
looks like she’s in arush…”; “I’d have to catch up to her tosay ‘hi’ and that feels
weird…”What do you do next?There are three possible scenarios:1. You listen to your
excuses, donothing, and let her go.2. You approach her and it goes well.3. You
approach her and it doesn’t workout the way you wanted.I was in this exact
situation the otherday.At first, I succumbed to my excuses –and I felt terrible
about it.But when she stopped on the streetcorner for a minute, I swallowed mypride
and went for it.The result? She gave me a big smile,and a minute or two later, I
walkedaway with her phone number and plansfor drinks later this week.I felt the
fear, and did it anyway.So – what was going through my headthen – and what can you
do to propelyourself forward when you’re afraid toapproach her?How can you start
seizing theopportunities instead of letting them slipthrough your fingers?It comes
down to the following 4actions…1. Focus on OvercomingYour FearIf you’re afraid to
approach her, itactually works in your favor.You see, boldly confronting yourfear
can feel far more rewarding thansimply starting a conversation with arandom girl.
One of the greatest discoveries a manmakes, one of his great surprises, is tofind
he can do what he was afraid hecouldn’t do. – Henry FordWhen you focus on
confronting andovercoming the fear, you’ll not onlyapproach more women, but you’ll
alsogrow as a man.You’ll realize, “I had these excuses. Ihad this story I was
telling myself. But Iapproached her anyway. I did what Iwas afraid I couldn’t do.”
– and it willfeel awesome.2. Shift Your PerspectiveOften the reason you’re afraid
toapproach her is because you feel like it’stoo risky. She could reject you and
damage your ego. Or maybe she’llrespond well, but then you’ll run out ofthings to
talk about.In the moment, these fears are perfectlyreasonable. It’s easier and more
comfortable for you to do nothing than totake action. The risk of rejection and
embarrassment doesn’t feel worth it.When you’re afraid to approach her,your risk
spectrum looks like this:Risk of approaching her: You’ll havean awkward
interaction, get rejected,and feel terrible – a big risk.Risk of doing nothing: No
risk – you’llsave your ego, stay in your comfort zone,and move on like nothing
happened.But you need to shift your perspective,so that it’s actually more risky
not toapproach her.You need to adjust your understandingof the risks, so that:Risk
of approaching her: Potentialawkward interaction with a girl you’llprobably never
see again. So, 1-2minutes of discomfort – a small risk.Risk of doing nothing: You
miss out ona potential amazing connection andincredible sex with a woman you’re
attracted to – a big risk.Risk of
building the habit of notapproaching: You signal to yoursubconscious that it’s
“okay” not toapproach women you’re interested in. Indoing so, you miss out on other
greatgirls in the future – another big risk.With this perspective, it’s more risky
foryou to do nothing than to approach her.Use this reversal of risk to propel you
forward and get the women you want.Make a conscious effort to viewapproaching women
from thisperspective.It is better by noble boldness to run therisk of being subject
to half the evils weanticipate than to remain in cowardlylistlessness for fear of
what mighthappen. – Herodotus3. Stop Waiting for theRight MomentDon’t waste time
waiting for the rightmoment. You won’t find it – you’llalways have an excuse in
your head as towhy it’s the wrong moment.Instead of waiting, make a habit oftaking
a step in the direction of the girlyou want to talk to. Don’t comb yourbrain for
the perfect thing to say, anddon’t pause.Just start walking towards her.She could
be talking to her friend, on thephone, eating lunch at an outdoor patio –it doesn’t
matter. If you don’t talk toher now, you probably won’t get anotherchance – and if
you wait too long, you’llbuild up the fear in your head and psycheyourself out.As I
always say, if you point out a girland tell me to approach her now, I cando it – no
problem. But if you point agirl out and tell me to approach her in 5minutes? Well
that’s a whole differentballgame. It’s going to be A LOT tougherbecause I’ll be
building it up in my headfor those five minutes, as opposed to if Ijust took
immediate action.So, take the first step. The action willhelp you conquer the fear.
Listen to your excuses and let them go.4. Tap Into Your ManhoodWhy do you want to
approach her? Atsome level, she gives you the feels. Youfind her sexy and
intriguing.But often, you leave your attraction onthe backburner, and instead focus
on thefear of approaching.All of these thoughts start going throughyour head. “Does
she like me?”“Should I try to kiss her?” “Whatshould I talk about?” “What if she
thinks I’m boring?”Instead, you need to keep your attractionand appreciation for
her beauty on theforefront of your mind. This will helpyou cultivate a nervous
excitementinstead of a nervous fear. An excitementto meet and learn more about her.
How do you do that?Ask yourself: What do you like abouther?Do her eyes draw you in
and captivateyou? Is her smile contagious? Is herrhythm sexy? Does she make you
laugh?Bring these thoughts to the forefront ofyour mind.As you appreciate her inner
and outerbeauty, you’ll be more in tune with yournatural male instincts.For me, it
always brings a smile to myface and leads me to make strong eyecontact. It allows
me to be more freeflowing and in the moment as well.When you approach her with this
excitement, often she will mirror you.Even if she isn’t into you at first, she’ll
begin to find you intriguing and feel thesame type of excitement.So, tap into your
manhood and focus onwhat you find attractive about her – thiswill make it easier to
approach, and thegirl will usually respond better.***Listen man. The fear of
approaching anew girl will always be there. You cannever completely eliminate it.
But that’sokay – you don’t need to.A little fear is what makes the processfun and
rewarding.So, keep these 4 actions in mind to helpyou conquer fear when you feel
like it’soverwhelming you.To recap, here are the 4 actions forovercoming your fear
of approachingher:1. Focus on overcoming your fears2. Shift your perspective3. Stop
waiting for the right moment4. Tap into your manhoodOnce you conquer your fear, you
stillneed to know how to start theconversation. That’s what we’ll talkabout next…5
Ways to Start aConversation WithAny GirlYou now have 4 concrete actions toconquer
your fear of approachingwomen. But once you approach them,what do you say? How do
you start theconversation?Well, what you say to start theconversation depends on a
few things,like:-The environment. The way you start aconversation during the day
may be a bitdifferent than the way you start theconversation at a nightclub.-The
girl. If she’s in a rush, you’ll haveto move the conversation quickly.Whereas, if
she’s standing and watchinga street performer, you know she hassome time, and there
are plenty of thingsto talk about.`-Your goals. Maybe you’re not superinterested in
the girl and you just want tobuild some social momentum. Or, maybeyour intuition
literally forced you to talkto this girl because she caught your eyeso strongly.
Whatever the situation, this chapter willhelp you start the conversation well and
move things forward with the girl.(Keep in mind – when you’re in anaturally social
environment, likeperhaps a social sport, house party, or aget together with new
friends, you can bepretty casual with the way you start aconversation. That’s
because it’sexpected to be social in these types ofsituations. We’ll go over this
as well.)We’ll talk about 5 easy ways you canstart a conversation with any girl…
Let’s get right into it…1. Going “Direct”Here, you basically state your interest
from the beginning. This is one of myfavorite ways to start a conversation,because
it cuts through the bullshit.When it’s best to use: Anytime.You can say:“Hey, I
know this is really random, but Isaw you walking by and I thought youwere cute. So,
I had to say ‘Hi’. I’m[Your name].”It’s very important to say this one slowlyand
shake her hand afterward.You want to say it like this…“Hey… I know this is
reaaaalllyrandom… but I saw you walking by...and I thought you were cute… So I had
to say ‘Hi’…I’m [Your name].”By delivering it slowly, you’ll comeacross as more
confident and she’ll hangon your words. By shaking her hand,you’ll initiate
physical touch from thebeginning, which will make her morecomfortable with you.
Going “direct” is powerful because itshows confidence, and if she stays in the
conversation, it’s a sign that she’s atleast somewhat interested in you.2.
SituationalHere, you pick out something from theenvironment, and use it to start
theconversation.When it’s best to use: At a bar orclub, or when the two of you are
stationary (in one place, perhaps lookingat something like a street performer).For
example, let’s say the two of you arestaring at one of those street performerswho
pose as a statue.You could say, “I always confuse thesethings with real statues. My
friendsalways make fun of me for it.” This is afun, tongue-in-cheek way to initiate
theconversation.If you’re in a bar or club, you couldeven say something simple
like, “Do youknow what the name of this club is?”The key is to deliver this with a
slightsmile, so she knows you’re beingplayful. You want it to come across inmore of
a fun way rather than a serioustone.The “situational” conversation startercan be
powerful because it already givesyou a topic to discuss. It can also be agreat way
to make her laugh from thebeginning. However, make sure not tostay on the topic too
long, as it can gostale and get boring. There’s only somuch you can say about a
streetperformer.3. The “Where isStarbucks?”You’re walking down the street and you
stop a girl, then ask her where thenearest Starbucks is.When it’s best to use:
During the daywhile you’re walking in a city that hasStarbucks (if that city
doesn’t haveStarbucks, any other popularcafé/restaurant will do).Here’s the key to
pulling this one off…First, spot the girl you want to talk to.Typically, she’ll be
walking towards youon the sidewalk.Once you’re within 10 feet of her,slowly raise
your hand in front of you toget her attention. She’ll usually see yourhand and your
eye contact before shegets to you.Then, plant your feet and stop in front ofher.
Ask, “Hey, do you know where thenearest Starbucks is?”Before she can fully respond,
cut her offand say, “Actually, I just thought youwere cute and I wanted to meet
you. I’m[Your name].”(It’s important to do this BEFORE shefinishes giving you the
directions,because the social tendency is to givethe quick directions and
immediatelywalk away.)This conversation starter is powerfulbecause it allows you to
gauge her vibeand attractiveness before you show yourinterest. For example, simply
by herresponse and the way she starts todeliver her answer, you can tell howopen
she is to having a conversationwith you. For example, if she smiles andlights up
little bit, you know you have agood chance to make something happen.Plus, if she’s
not as attractive as youthought she was from afar, you can justask the Starbucks
question and let hergive you the directions, then walk away.It’s very low risk.4.
The Simple IntroductionHere, you don’t try to get too cute. Youjust give her a
simple, “Hey, how’s itgoing? Or, “Hey, I’m [Your name].How’s it going?”When it’s
best to use: At bars andclubs and other social environments.It’s important to
deliver this withconfidence, strong eye contact, and alower tone of voice.
Otherwise, you’llcome across in a platonic “just friends”sort of way, and you’ll
often get brushedoff by women.It’s powerful because of its simplicity.You don’t
have to dig for what to say.You know that you have this simpleconversation starter
in your back pocket.5. The Seahorse vs OctopusI’ll go out on a limb here and say
youprobably haven’t heard of this one…Typically I’m not a huge fan of routinesand
opinion-type of conversationstarters. When my friend came to mewith this
conversation starter, I laughedout loud. Then, I saw him use it over andover again
– and women would light up(he’d often bring them home).I started using it as well –
and it got mesome hilarious (and very satisfying)results.When it’s best to use:
Anytime, butespecially
at night in bars and loungeytypes of places.Here’s how to use it…You go up to a
group of girls and say,“My friends and I have been having aninteresting discussion
and wanted yourinput.”Once they oblige, you say, “I’m thinkingof getting a more
non-traditional pet.And it’s between a seahorse and anoctopus. Which would you
get?”What I’ve found is that girls typicallyhave a weird obsession with one ofthose
two animals – and they light upwhen you ask the question.It’s powerful because it’s
a very fun wayto start the conversation, and engageswomen right away. Plus, it’s
great to usewhen you’re talking to groups of women.***There you have it – you now
have 5ways to start a conversation with anywomen and in any environment.You no
longer have an excuse to notapproach and start conversations withwomen you desire.
Now, it’s time to put this knowledge intoaction.Action Tip: Pick at least oneof
these conversationstarters and use it THISweek. Feel free to send mean email with
how you do atDave@PostgradCasanova.com!As you read through this book and take
action, you’re going to get better at everystep of conversation. You’ll improveyour
delivery of these conversationstarters so that you get better responses,and you’ll
also become morecomfortable with starting conversations.But for now, do the action
tip! And getready to learn a whole lot more…How to Make aGreat FirstImpressionIt’s
important to start the conversation –but what’s perhaps even more importantis the
first impression you give off.You can have the smoothest line in theworld – but if
you’re not saying it theright way or you’re making awkwardmovements, it won’t
matter. Women willshut you down and you’ll be back to thedrawing board.The way you
say your words and moveyour body is just as important as theactual words
themselves.They all come together to form your firstimpression.So, how do you make
a great firstimpression?You must 1) avoid common mistakes and2) speak and move your
body in the rightway.In this chapter, we’ll go over commonfirst impression
mistakes, help youcorrect them, and get you making greatfirst impressions in no
time.Let’s get started.First Impression Mistake#1: Talking Too Fast“If I don’t get
out my words quicklyenough, she’ll stop paying attention orwalk away…”Thoughts like
these sweep through oursubconscious mind as we speed up ourwords.But put yourself
in a girl’s shoes for asecond.A guy approaches you and speedsthrough his
introduction so quickly, youbarely understand a word he says. Then,when you ask him
to repeat himself, hespeeds through it again.How would this make you feel?Probably
pretty uncomfortable, right?Solution #1: Slow It DownThe slower you talk, the more
you willcaptivate women. The faster you talk, themore you signal that you’re
insecure.As a rule of thumb, slower is better. Butwhen you’re a little nervous and
talkingto a girl, you can lose track of this. Youstart talking faster because it’s
a nervoushabit. This makes her uncomfortable andkills the sexual vibe.Instead of a
slow, controlledintroduction, like: “Hey…I know this israndom… but I just saw you
walkingby… and you caught my eye…and Iwanted to say hi… I’m Dave…”It turns into:
“HeyIKnowThisIsRandomButIsawyouwalkingbyandomgIhadtosayhiImdaveHowareyoudoingwhatar
eyouuptoomgyourehotahhh.”Not exactly the best way to start theconversation…So, work
on slowing down yourspeech. Be aware of the speed that youtalk, and slow it down to
the point whereit feels like it’s too slow. Then, slow itdown another notch from
there. That’susually the right speed for making thingssexual.This alone has changed
the game formany of my dating coaching clients. It’shelped them to connect with
women andhave far better conversations. If youremember nothing else from this book,
remember this point and slow thingsdown.First Impression Mistake#2: Speedy, Anxious
MovementsPicture an unconfident man walk into aclub. How does he look?He probably
makes uncomfortable,jittery movements. He jerks his headaround, as he scans the
club rapidly. Andwhen he walks around, it doesn’t seemlike he has any sort of
purpose. Instead,he walks fast and seems lost – evenintimidated.Have you ever seen
the movieLimitless? Well, you could compare thisguy to the main character of that
moviewhen he’s not on the brain-enhancingdrug.This man is clearly not comfortable
withhis surroundings.Now, perhaps you say, “I’d never belike that guy!”But chances
are, you’ve had yourmoments where you make jitterymovements. And chances are, you
occasionally fidget around when you’retalking to girls.Perhaps you peel the wrapper
off a beercan, shake your leg, or touch your face.Whatever it is, you better
believewomen notice.Solution #2: Slow DownYour MovementsPowerful and sexy men move
slower.Where an insecure man might walk fastand slouch with his head down, a sexy
man will walk slowly down the streetwith his back straight, smiling at thewomen who
pass by.When you slow your movements down,you’ll come off as more confident and
sexually appealing.This is especially important in abar/club setting. Simply
walking slowlyand smiling will make women noticeyou, and they’ll start giving you
approach invitations (AKA signs thatthey want you to approach them, likemaking eye
contact with you, playingwith their hair, etc.).And when you approach them, the
interaction will instantly have a sexualundertone.In the past few years, I’ve
witnessed thisphenomenon first-hand. When I wasyounger, women would hardly ever
tossme looks of interest. But now, whetherI’m walking through the club or even on
the sidewalk, I constantly get “gazes ofinterest” from women. It makes things alot
easier.First Impression Mistake#3: Looking Too Serious orToo GoofyOn one end of the
spectrum, you havethe guy who never smiles. Wheneverhe’s in a conversation, he
takes itseriously – too seriously.The girl thinks, “Why does this guy seemlike he
has a stick up his ass the wholetime?”You never want to be the guy who takeshimself
too seriously…Then on the other end of the spectrum,you have the goofy guy. This
guys smileswider than the Kool Aid Man afterbursting through a wall.This is the
“friendly/goofy” smile thatliterally screams “just friends!”(Think Erkle’s smile
after he says hisfamous line, “Did I do that?!”)You don’t want to be the goofy
smile guyeither. Instead, you need to strike abalance.Solution #3: The Sexy Smile
Smiling is crucial, especially because ofthe phenomenon of mirror neurons.
Basically, these are brain cells thatcause us to feel the same emotion as wesee
others feeling.But you have to get your smile right.Don’t be like Erkle. Instead,
aim for thetype of smile that Ryan Goslingconstantly uses in the movie Crazy,
Stupid, Love.Here are the characteristics of a “sexy”smile:-Show very little teeth
(or just keep yourmouth shut)-Smile with one side of your mouthmore than the other-
It’s almost a “half smile” or slight grin,whereas the friendly guy’s smile is very
broadThis is something you want to get downpat, because many women will judgeyou
based on your smile. If you’re tiredof being stuck in the friendzone, nail thisone
down.First Impression Mistake#4: SlouchingGrowing up, I naturally had bad posture.
My back is curved, and when I’m sitting,I occasionally look like the fucking
hunchback of Notre Dame.This is something I’ve had to deal with– and I’ve had to
consciously adjust myposture.Why? Because I know how damagingbad posture can be.
When you slouch, itsignals to women that you’re insecureand unconfident.Look around
the room the next time yougo out. You can usually tell the guys whoget laid from
the guys who don’t, simplybased on the way they move and positiontheir bodies.
(Hint: the guys who have success withgirls don’t slouch and put their headdown.)
Solution #4: Develop StrongPostureBe aware of the way you move yourbody. Practice
walking with your headhigh, shoulders back, and your bodystraight.Yoga can also be
extremely helpful. Istarted doing yoga twice a week, andafter two months, I’ve
already noticed ahuge difference. I’m more flexible andcomfortable in my body, and
my posturehas improved A LOT.As a bonus, yoga is a great place to meetbeautiful,
fit women who are in tunewith their bodies.First Impression Mistake#5: Darting Eyes
Have you ever talked to someone whomakes strong eye contact with you? Itcan be
intense, and even a littleintimidating at times.Deep down, you know this person is
confident and comfortable; otherwisethey wouldn’t be able to hold suchstrong eye
contact.On the other hand, have you ever talkedto somebody with darting eyes?
They’retalking to you, but their eyes are floatingaround the room. They’re looking
up,down, and all around, but rarely intoyour eyes.It almost seems like they’re
trying tohide something. It’s a weird feeling.Darting eyes like these will ruin a
firstimpression.Solution #5: Strong EyeContactEye contact is powerful – the brain
sends out relationship-buildingchemicals like oxytocin when you makeeye contact
with somebody.One study from the Journal of Researchin Personality found that
simple eyecontact could actually make a person fallin love with you. [1]…But you
need to be able to make eyecontact without being creepy.When you’re talking to
women, focus onholding it for the majority of the time.Look at her right eye, so
your eyes don’tshift back and forth.When you make eye contact from theother side of
the bar/club or in general,hold it until she looks away. Then, onceyou’ve made eye
contact, walk towardsher and approach her.Good eye contact is something you must
learn – so the more you practice, thebetter.First Impression Mistake#6: Talking
With a High-Pitched
VoiceHere’s another tendency of nervous men:They talk with a higher-pitched voice.
This is an instant turn-off for women,and will get you labeled in the “justfriend”
category.Chances are, you’re speaking with ahigher pitch than you should be. That’s
because when you’re nervous, you tendto speak from your throat.This causes you to
come across in aplatonic, non-sexual way. It ruins thepotential for a sexual
connection.Solution #6: Speak fromYour BellyPractice speaking from your belly and
projecting your voice.To do this, focus on maintaining a deepbreathing pattern.
Breathe in throughyour nose, and deep into your belly. Youshould feel your stomach
rise and fallwith each breath.Practice this in private – that way, itfeels more
natural when you’re with agirl.We tend to speak where we breathefrom. If you
breathe from your throat,you’ll probably have a weak, highpitchedvoice. But if you
speak fromyour belly, your voice will likely bedeeper and more masculine, which is
essential for a good first impression.***By avoiding these mistakes and takingthe
right actions, you’ll immediatelyimprove your first impressions. Thiswill allow you
to connect with womenand sexualize the conversation mucheasier.However, you still
need to know what tosay after you’ve started the conversationand made a good first
impression. That’swhat the next chapter is all about.Reference:1. Kellerman, Joan,
James Lewis, andJames D. Laird. "Looking and loving:The effects of mutual gaze on
feelings ofromantic love." Journal of Research inPersonality 23.2 (1989): 145-161.
What to Say AfterYou Start theConversation“Hey, I know this is random, but I sawyou
walking by and you caught my eye. Ihad to meet you. I’m [Your name],” yousay.“Wow,
thanks! I’m Jessica,” she repliesand shakes your outreached hand.The conversation
shifts back to you. Atthat precise moment, your mind goesblank.You mutter something
bland, like “Yeahit’s good to meet you…” without addingany more value to the
conversation.“Yes, it is! But I have to run! Have agood day!” she says.And just
like that, in a split second, youmiss your opportunity.Sucks, right?We’ve all been
in that type of situationbefore. We start off well, but then goblank, and the
conversation stalls.So, how can you prevent this? Whatshould you say and do after
youapproach her?That’s what this chapter is all about.Before you do anything else,
you shouldintroduce yourself. All you need to sayis something simple like, “I’m
Dave bythe way.”She’ll usually respond with her name,and when she does, you should
shake herhand. This helps build an initial level ofcomfort, and makes it seem like
the twoof you aren’t strangers anymore.But where do you take it from there?The
First QuestionOnce you do the intro, there’s a keyquestion you should follow up
with…This question is so simple, you’ll kickyourself for not thinking of it
earlier.Heck, you might even use it now, but youprobably don’t understand its power
(and so you’re using it wrong).Here’s the question: “What are you upto?”(I told you
it was simple, right?)It’s powerful because it can instantly tellyou her logistics.
You’ll know:-If she’s in a rush- If she has a few minutes to talk-If she has a lot
of time(As you’ll see in a minute, this is veryimportant information.)You may get
responses like:-“I’m on my way back to work!”-“I’m just hanging out and doing a
littleshopping.”-“I’m meeting a friend in a little while.”These responses will
present you with 3different types of situations – along withseveral directions for
which you cantake the conversation.Let’s look at these situations you’ll faceafter
approaching a girl for the first time– as well as how you can handle each.Situation
#1: She’s in aRushShe stops to talk to you, but she’s clearlyin a rush and has to
do something. Youcan usually pick up on this through hervibe, or simply by the way
she answersyour “What are you up to?” question.So, what should you do if you’ve
onlygot a minute or less to talk to her?A lot of guys think this isn’t enough time
to do anything, but they’re wrong.If you think she’s attractive and you’dlike to
see her again, you should STILLask for her number. It doesn’t matter thatyou’ve
just met her – you literally havenothing to lose.Here’s what you should say if
she’s in arush:“I know this is random and we literallyjust met, but you have a
reallyfun/interesting vibe. We should grab adrink this week or next.”By saying “I
know this is random andwe just met,” you signal that you havesocial intelligence
(because you’reaware of the randomness of thesituation), while also addressing her
potential objection of “But we just met!”BEFORE she can say it.If she says, “Yeah,
that sounds fun!” youcan say, “Okay, awesome!”Then pull out your phone, bring it to
the“add contact” screen, hand it to her, andtell her to put her number into your
phone.If she says something along the lines of“No” followed by an excuse (like “I
have a boyfriend”), you can say, “Noworries, just take it as a complimentthen,” and
leave the conversation.Situation #2: She Has a FewMinutes to TalkShe lets you know
she’s meeting up witha friend in a few minutes, or perhaps atthe beginning of her
lunch break fromwork. You can tell she’s not in a hugerush, but she does have
somewhere to bein a little while.Your goal here should be to make a goodfirst
impression, and get her number at ahigh point in the conversation.All you really
have to do here is makean assumptive statement (i.e. make aguess about her).There
are three types of assumptivestatements you can make:1. Where she’s from: “You look
likeyou’re from New York.”2. What she does for a living: “Youseem like you do
something creative.”3. What type of person she is: “Youseem like a fun, adventurous
kind ofperson.”These statements will give you somegood, fun conversational
material. Fromhere, you should be able to keep theconversation going for 2-3
minutes.Then, when the conversation seems tobe at a high point (the two of you are
laughing, realize you have something incommon, etc.), tell her you need to go,and
ask for her number.You can say something like, “Listen, it’sbeen great to meet you.
I gotta go, butyou seem like a lot of fun. We shouldgrab a drink this week or
next.”Once she says “Yes!” pull out yourphone and have her put her number in.
Situation #3: She’s Got aLot of Time on Her HandsAfter approaching her, you realize
she’snot really doing much right now. She’snot in a rush and she doesn’t have to be
anywhere.Here, you have two options:1. Take her on an “instant date”2. Talk to her
for a little while and grabher number (similar to if she has a fewminutes to talk)
We’ll get to both of these scenarios in asecond – but let’s talk about some more
conversational tools you can use toextend the conversation.Aside from making
statements, you canalso:-Ask open-ended questions (like, “Whatbrings you to X
city?”), then listen andrelate back with your own experiences-Compliment her in
genuine and uniqueways (like, “You have a very uniquestyle. I might need to get
some fashiontips from you”)-Playfully tease her (i.e. Oh you’re fromLA? You’re a
Valley girl at heart, aren’tyou?”)These tips will help you extend theconversation
and connect with her.(We’re going to go over all of theseconversational tactics
throughout the restof the book– this is just a briefintroduction to them.)Okay, now
let’s get back to those twooptions we mentioned before…How to Take Her on an
“Instant Date”Here, you can say, “I’m not in a big rushright now and you seem like
fun. I knowa great ice cream/coffee place down thestreet. What do you say we check
itout?”The benefit of an “instant date” like thisis that it can create a deeper
connectionand more familiarity with the girl. Thedanger is it can lead to you
gettingfriendzoned.For it to work well, you need tomaintain the flirtatious, man-
to-womantype of vibe throughout the interaction(which can sometimes be difficult in
adaytime setting if you don’t have a lot ofexperience).As for the second scenario
(talk to herfor a little while and grab her number),you basically just do the same
thing asyou would if she had a few minutes totalk. Maybe you stay in for a few
extraminutes and use the three conversationtips from this section. Then, you get
hernumber at a high point in the interactionand leave.You now have a solid
structure to handlemost of the situations when you’ll beapproaching a girl.
Internalize thisstructure, and you won’t have to worryabout “running out of things
to say” afteryou approach her.You’ll be able to make the conversationinteresting
and connect with her. In doingso, you’ll give yourself the best chanceto get her
number and see her again.Action Tip: Approach a girltoday or tomorrow. Use oneof
the conversation startersfrom the last section, andfollow it up by introducing
yourself and asking, “Whatare you up to?”Part III:The Guide to SexyFlirtingWhat is
Flirting –And Why Do MostMen Suck at It?Flirting is the way you arouse a girl’s
interest and make her picture the two ofyou together romantically. It’s essentialto
your conversations with women.Without it, you’ll have platonicconversations and
constantly get labeledas the “just a friend” guy.There are two types of flirting:
friendlyflirting and sexual flirting. Friendlyflirting is innocent. It’s how most
mencommunicate with the women theydesire. With sexual flirting, there aresexual
undertones. Girls won’t mistakethis type of flirting as “just friend”flirting. THIS
is how you should aim toflirt with the women you desire.Here are some examples:-
Breaking eye contact quickly (friendly)vs looking at her seductively (sexual)-“What
do you like most in a guy?”(friendly)
vs “What do you find sexiestin a guy?” (sexual)The unfortunate thing (or, perhaps
fortunate for us guys who work on ourflirting skills) is that most men suck at
flirting.Why? It comes down to 3 mainreasons…1) They’re Too BluntBluntness isn’t
exciting for women. Thereason? When you’re blunt, you leave noroom for intrigue.
The fun is gone.Here’s an example:Her: “I love lingerie.”You: “I bet you look
amazing inlingerie.”As you’ll see in the next chapter, greatflirting is much more
subtle. There’smore mystery involved. More for thewoman to guess about.2) They’re
Overly DirectBeing overly direct also ruins themystery.Here’s an example:Her:
“Yeah, at one point the Frenchcolonized Vietnam.”You: “Oh really? Well I’d like to
colonize you…”Aside from ruining the mystery, beingoverly direct can also trigger
sexualshame in women.I remember one night in a Boston club 4or 5 years ago. I had
been partying witha sexy Asian girl, and we were hitting itoff. The logistics were
good, her friendswere cool with it, and all signs pointedto us going home together.
Then, as we were in line at the coatcheck, I said something like, “I can’twait to
get back… I’m going to fuck youso hard later.”She seemed into it. But no more than
5minutes later, she made an excuse as towhy she could no longer go home withme. The
mood had completely shifted.Why? Because I was way too sexuallydirect.She could no
longer tell herself, “I’mjust going back with this guy to have fun,and we’ll see
what happens.” Instead,she had to tell herself, “I’m going backto have sex with
this guy.” Sure, maybeshe wanted sex at the time, but this wastoo much for her. She
could no longerrationalize her decision, and by goinghome with me, she likely would
havefelt “wrong” or “dirty.”3) They Use FriendlyFlirting Instead of SexualFlirting
Friendly flirting is the easy route. It’sinnocent, and doesn’t require much risk.If
you try to “high five” a girl, she’llusually do it. But if you try to hold hands
with her and play with her fingers? Well,that’s much more bold and risky.Most guys
go with friendly flirting. As aresult, they’re interactions lack any sortof sexual
undertone.So, how can you avoid these mistakesand embrace the art of sexy
flirtation?That’s what this section is all about…The Biggest Key toEffective
FlirtingFlirting is an art that few men havemastered.As you’ll see throughout this
section,there are several aspects of effectiveflirting. But before you start
nailingdown those aspects, you must first learnthe most important element of
flirting:Intent.***“What were you doing, bro? Whatwas that?”My friend had just
approached a girlhere in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. Iwas sitting beside him, so I
heard thewhole thing.Him: “Where are you from?”Her: “Merida!”Him: “Ah cool. I heard
Merida was acool city to visit.”Her: “Yeah it’s a great city to live in andthere’s
tons of tourist stuff too…”Him: “Cool. What do you think of itcompared to Playa Del
Carmen?”…He was clearly attracted to her, but theconversation was painfully
platonic. Itwasn’t so much what he was saying (hewas attempting to flirt), but the
way hewas saying it.Instead of sounding like a man who wassexually interested her,
he sounded like aflimsy tourist.MOST guys come across in this veryplatonic way when
they approach or talkto girls.Can you relate?You see, this creates a weird dynamic
with the girl. You approach her becauseyou’re interested, and you even say someof
the right things, yet you communicatewith her in a friendly, non-sexual way.It’s
not congruent, and it puts her in anawkward situation. “Why is this guyeven talking
to me?” she’s thinking.The conversation isn’t sexually charged,because you’re not
speaking like a manand communicating with sexual intent.But wait – why should you
communicate with sexual intent?-It destroys any chance of you being inthe
friendzone-It communicates that you’re a sexualguy who goes for what he wants-It’s
the foundation of building sexualattraction-Women will be a lot more likely to see
you again-It sexually charges your conversationsPut simply, in her mind, it’s the
difference between being intrigued (i.e.“Mmm, who is this guy?) and beingslightly
annoyed or bored (i.e. “Why ishe talking to me? I need to leave…”).I took my friend
aside to explain. “Lookman, it doesn’t matter what you’resaying to her. It’s the
way you say it andthe intent behind it. You need tocommunicate with intent.”Think
for a second…Why do you evenbother approaching girls in the firstplace?In my
friend’s case, he approached thegirl because he was attracted to her. Andyet he
communicated with her like aconfused tourist. He spoke with nointent.You usually
approach a girl becauseyou’re attracted to her. There’ssomething about her that you
find sexy.But throughout your whole life,you’ve been programmed to cover upyour
sexual desires. You’ve basicallybeen told to hide the fact that you have adick,
thanks to all the crappy advice andpolitical correctness in the media.But you do
have a dick, so you shouldact like you have one. The girl shouldhave no doubt that
she’s speaking to asexual man who goes for what he wants.Your intent should come
through in allthe words you say. Even if you ask, “Doyou know where the nearest
Starbucksis?” you should subcommunicatesomething like, “I think you’re sexy and I
want to know more.”On the surface, here’s what it looks liketo communicate with
intent:-Hold strong eye contact-Talk slower-SmileBelow the surface, you’re
thinking:-I might want to fuck this girl and I’mokay if she picks up on this vibe-
She is attracted to me-I choose the women I want in my lifeThis takes some work –
but once youcan start communicating with intent, yourconversations with women will
transform.Keep this in mind as we go through therest of this section.Everything
you’ll learn here will helpyou to communicate with intent.Sound good? Okay, now
let’s move onto the aspects of sexy flirting…Action Tip: Communicatewith at least 3
women withintent.Subtlety,Exaggeration, andBecoming thePrizeThis is a conversation
I’ve had manytimes over the years…Her: “How old are you?”Me: “How old do you think
I am?”Her: “I don’t know, 31, 32?”Me: “I’m 50, but I work out a lot.”Her:
“[Laughing] Get out of here!You’re ridiculous. How old are youreally?”Me: “I’m 25.
What about you?”Her: “What?! 25? I’m 31!”Me: “31? Wow, you’re way too old forme.
This would never work. You’re justgoing to try to take advantage of me andall my
innocence.”The conversation is a quick back andforth, with a lot of flirting
involved. Anda lot of times, that’s what flirting is: it’squick, it’s witty, and
it’s fun.It’s also the direct opposite of themistakes we talked about in the first
chapter of this section (being blunt,overly direct, and too friendly).In this
chapter, we’ll talk about some ofthe conversational aspects of sexyflirting:
subtlety, exaggeration, andpositioning yourself as the prize.These aspects will
help you become amaster at witty banter.Using SubtletyThink back to the example
from a fewchapters ago of being overly direct…Her: “I love lingerie.”You: “I bet
you look amazing inlingerie.”Now, let’s look at a more subtle wayyou could do this…
Her: “I love lingerie.”You: “Really? Well I know it may soundcrazy, but I love
women who lovelingerie.”Can you feel the difference in these twoexamples?In both
examples, you’re saying that youlike the girl. But the second is muchmore subtle.
Why? It’s all about the implication.There’s a difference between explicitlysaying
that you like a girl (or that youwant to have sex with her, kiss her, etc.)and
implying it. The latter is much moreexciting to women.With the implication, there’s
more of achallenge. You show that you’reinterested in her, but you don’t reveal all
of your cards. It’s enough to keep heraround and engaged, but not so much thatit
ruins the moment.Not only that, but it also shows that youhave standards. You’re
not just blindlyattracted to any girl with decent looksand a pretty smile.Whereas
when you’re blunt and clumsywith your words, you seem more like aguy who’s drooling
over her than a highvalue guy she should be attracted to.Subtlety and implication
are key.ExaggerationIf you’re talking to a high qualitywoman, she’s usually going
to try to testyou at some point. These tests usuallycome in the form of verbal
jabs. Shewants to see how you respond. If youpass, she knows you’re confident in
yourself and your intentions.The best way to get through these tests(and also to
infuse flirting into theconversation) is to agree and exaggerate.This is far better
than what most guysdo, which is to try and provethemselves. That’s because it shows
youhave a sense of humor and don’t takeyourself too seriously.Here are some
examples of what itlooks like to agree and exaggerate:Her: “I’m sure you say that
to everygirl…”You: “Damn it, you’re right. Usuallythey don’t catch on though. I
must be offmy game today.”-Her: “You know I’m not sleeping withyou tonight, right?”
You: “Obviously. Sex is always betteron the second date anyway.”-Her: “I’m too old
for you…”You: “Oh, I know. I’m just a boy tryingto find his place in this big
world. I’mno match for a sexy, mature girl likeyourself.”Positioning Yourself as
thePrizeRemember the “She’s into me,” mindsetfrom the first section of this book?
Well, this is basically the verbalizationof that mindset.Here, you occasionally
insinuate thatshe’s hitting on you or trying to seduceyou. You do this by twisting
her wordsand making it seem like she’s trying toturn you on.In this way, you
position yourself as theprize and position her as the pursuer.Here are a few
examples:Her: “I love bikinis!”You:
“Don’t try to make me think of youin a bikini.”-Her: [Accidently grazes your
elbow]You: “Are you trying to seduce me?”-You: “I live around the corner. We cango
to my place for a drink, but only ifyou promise not to try anything.”-Keep in mind:
when flirting, it’simportant to maintain at least a slightsmile and good eye
contact. This keepsthe vibe fun, and let’s her know thatyou’re being playful.Here’s
a quick recap of the flirtingtechniques in this chapter:-Using subtlety-
Exaggeration-Positioning yourself as the prizeAction Tip: Use one of theseflirting
techniques in yournext conversation with agirl.How to Tease Herthe Right WayTeasing
is another conversational key tosuccessful flirting.If you aren’t teasing girls the
right way,you’re probably missing out on A LOTof opportunities.What’s worse, when
you tease herthe wrong way, you risk:-Offending her-Making her feel insecure-
Hurting her-And overall causing her to dislike youThese are all things women don’t
soonforget…(She still may laugh at these teases, butit’ll sting, and she’ll
probably close up.)The problem is, guys havemisconceptions about what it means to
tease women. Part of this stems from thethinking that “you need to be a jerk” to
attract women, and part of it stems fromgeneral social inexperience.But teasing is
essential to a flirty, funconversation that attracts her to you. It’salso important
for separating you fromthe pathetic “nice guys” who constantlytry to kiss her ass
and please her.For me, teasing has always been a bitnatural. That’s because my dad
is acomedian, and I was lucky enough toattend many of his shows. He works thecrowd
like Don Rickles, and teaseseverybody.I began to internalize his style andslowly
refine it. His delivery of teasesis powerful and always draws laughs.You can see a
quick clip of his comedyhere:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHlT13QP5U8With this
in mind, let’s break downteasing into two steps: 1) what to avoidand 2) how to
tease her the right way.The Wrong Teasing: Whatto AvoidSensitive TopicsDon’t tease
girls about sensitive topicsthat may offend them. You shouldinherently know what
most of thesetopics are. Topics like:-Physical features-Fashion/style-Social skills
-Intelligence-FamilyShe’s likely to take these types of teasesas insults.So you’d
want to avoid making jokeslike, “I can’t believe you thought thatwas true. What’s
going on in that head upthere?” (insinuating she’s dumb).And you definitely,
DEFINITELY, wantto avoid making any sort of jokes abouther weight. There’s no
quicker way toget yourself in the doghouse with awoman.Critiquing HerDon’t tease
her about things you don’tlike about her. That’s an easy way tocome off as passive-
aggressive. Forexample, let’s say you don’t like the factthat she doesn’t eat
healthy….It’d be kind of a dick thing to say, “Youlook pretty good for someone
addictedto sugary foods…”Nobody likes hearing that they suck.What’s worse, she’ll
feel like you’rejudging her. And if you’re judging herabout one thing, what’s to
say you’re notgoing to judge her for something likesleeping with you quickly? In
short, thisis a good way to cockblock yourself andmake her feel shitty.Putting Her
DownYou also don’t want to make her feelbad for what she likes and dislikes. This
puts her in an awkward position becauseshe feels bad for being who she is. Andif
she can’t feel like she can be herselfaround you, you’re as good as done.For
example:“What’s your favorite TV show? Andplease don’t say The Bachelor.”Teasing
the Whole Time/Being aClownYou should weave teasing into theconversation – but the
conversationshouldn’t be one long tease. Women willstart to question why you’re
neverserious. They’ll feel like you’re trying tohide something behind your mask of
constant humor.Instead, try to strike a balance betweenteasing and having
meaningfulconversation.Making Fun of YourselfSelf-deprecating humor can be funny
around your boys, and it might draw alaugh from her – but it usually won’thelp you
get a date. Things like makingfun of your weight, your difficulties withwomen, etc.
A lot of comics do this allthe time. But when it comes to flirtingand teasing
women, self-deprecationusually isn’t worth the laugh.How to Tease Her the RightWay
Now you know what to avoid. But youstill need to know what to do right. Youcan use
these techniques to tease womenbetter than the majority of men (andshe’ll love you
for it).AbsurdifyAbsurdifying is the art of taking anormal topic and making it a
littleridiculous. This is a fun and playful wayto tease her, and one of my personal
goto’s.It also makes the conversation moreintriguing because it’s less predictable.
For example:Her: “I’m from Pennsylvania.”You: “Nice, I love Pennsylvania. Areyou a
city girl or did you come straightout of Amish country?”She has to qualify herself
as to whyshe’s not from Amish country, which isbound to be a ridiculous and fun
conversation.Bring Yourself Into ItWhen you include yourself, it creates afun,
“we’re in this together” type ofvibe, which is important for building aconnection.
My dad does a great job of this in hiscomedy routine (in the video at thebeginning
of this chapter). Give itanother watch and see how he includeshimself in all the
teases, so both thecrowd and the people he’s teasing canfeel good and get a laugh.
And here’s a conversational example:“Oh, so you’re a psych major? You’reprobably
reading my mind right now,aren’t you? I’m on to you.”Stereotype Her in a Fun Way
Here, you basically play off thestereotypes of something she tells you.For example:
“Oh, you’re a country girl? So what doyou do when you’re not square dancingor
listening to “Chicken Fried”?“A Boston girl, huh? So you’re notfamiliar with the
letter “r”?”Challenge HerYou can challenge her with somethinglike a “thumb
wrestle”. If you’re on thedance floor, you can give her a playful“hip bump,” then
step back and jokinglychallenge her to a dance off (this is agreat way to attract
women at thenightclub).Mock HerThis is especially great if she has anaccent and/or
says a word particularlyweird. You can exaggerate her accent ormimic the particular
word.For example, a lot of Spanish speakinggirls have trouble saying the “i” in
words like “pill”, “give”, and “pick”.They pronounce it like an “e” (i.e. pill =
peel). So I always have a good timemocking their pronunciations of thesewords.
Playfully Disagree With HerPlayfully disagree with her aboutsomething and turn your
back.For example:“I can’t believe you don’t watch Gameof Thrones. We can’t be
friendsanymore,” and then turn your back andpretend to walk away for a few steps.
Accuse Her of Hitting on YouThis is funny, but also reverses theroles. She’s used
to being the prize, butwhen you accuse her of hitting on you,you flip the script.
Now she’s the onetrying to seduce you.For example:“Are you hitting on me right now?
“I see what you’re trying to do. But I’mnot that easy!”“I saw you checking me out
over there.I’m not a piece of meat you know.”“Okay, we can go back to my place. But
only if you promise not to try anything.”Teasing is all about being self-amusedand
light-hearted. You should beenjoying yourself, and not aiming toimpress her with
the quality of yourjokes. Teasing should help you connectwith her and also express
yourpersonality.One more note – don’t be afraid tostraddle the line with the
occasionalcrude joke or sexual innuendo. It’s okayto take risks, and fortune favors
the bold.Action Tip: Choose at leastone of these teasingtechniques and use it in
your next conversation witha girl. It’s okay if you messit up the first few times –
ittakes a little practice!Flirting WithoutYour WordsYou’ve learned how to flirt
with yourwords. But that’s not all that goes on in aconversation. There’s always a
nonverballevel. And if you don’t know howto communicate on that level, yourflirting
will fall flat.So, what goes on in that non-verballevel? How do you master it?
That’s what this chapter is all about.We’ll go through each level of nonverbal
flirting so you can make yourflirting sexy.Let’s get started.Sexy Eye ContactWe’ve
covered eye contact a bit alreadyin this book. But here are a few waysyou can use
it for sexy flirting:The “triangle gazing routine” – Youlook at her eyes, then down
to her mouth,then back up to her eyes – in a triangleformation. This is a great way
to showinterest in her.Bedroom eyes – Lower your eyelids andhave a sort of dreamy
expression. Thisis easiest when you focus on what youlike about her. When you’re
basking inher feminine energy and beauty, it’s easyto have this sort of dreamy,
satisfiedlook.Move your eyes slowly – Avoid dartingyour eyes back and forth. When
youmove your eyes, move them slowly. Thisconveys more confidence and control.Match
her gaze – When she’s speaking,you should be looking into her eyesabout 90-95% of
the time. Only lookaway when she’s looking away.Sometimes, girls will make less eye
contact because they’re nervous orsimply uncomfortable with eye contact.In this
case, you should look away about25% of the time that she looks away.The more you
interact with women andpractice these eye contact techniques, themore comfortable
(and better) you’ll bewith sexy eye contact. So, give these atry.Close ProximityHow
close are you when you flirt withwomen?As a general rule, the closer, the better.
You see, as you decrease the distancebetween you, the level of intention and
intimacy increases.So, how do you close the proximity?There are a few easy ways to
do this…Always sit next to her on a date – Whenyou’re having drinks with her for a
date,always aim to sit at the bar with her.This way, you can sit next to her rather
than
across from her.Talk in her ear, and bounce out – Thisis key, especially in loud
venues. Lean inand speak into her ear while lightlytouching her elbow. Then, when
you’redone talking, bounce out to hear herresponse. In doing so, you close the
proximity, but also give her room tobreathe. Then, the next time you lean inand
talk in her ear, it’s even morepowerful.Face her head-on instead of at anangle –
When you face her head on, it’smore intimate and flirtatious.Physical TouchPhysical
touch is crucial to making aconnection, and it’s also crucial to sexyflirting.You
should be touching her early andoften.According to “Courtship compliance:The effect
of touch on women’sbehavior,” by Nicolas Guéguen, touchincreases a woman’s
compliance to aman’s request. It was found that womenare more likely to give their
number outto men who touch them. Not only that,but women also viewed men whotouched
them as more dominant (whichas you’ll see in part VI, is a veryimportant trait).
[1]But you need to use physical touch theright way. Here’s how:Touch her in the
right places – The bestplaces to touch her are her elbow, upperarm, and the small
of her back. You cantouch her elbow and upper arm whenyou’re joking with her in
conversation orleaning in to speak into her ear. And youcan touch the small of her
back whenyou’re showing her something with yourhand, or leading her (i.e. walking
withher to the bar).Touch her early in the conversation –The easiest way to do this
is with ahandshake and an introduction. Bytouching her immediately, you set a
flirtatious tone for the conversation.You’ve broken the “physical barrier”.Touch
her at high points – For example,touch her when the two of you arelaughing or when
she’s agreeing withyou. That way, she’ll associate positivefeelings with your
touch.Don’t draw attention to the touch – Ionce coached a guy who would look athis
hand every time he touched a girl, oreven so much as went in for ahandshake. It
freaked women out,because it seemed so unnatural.Whatever you do, make sure you
DON’Tlook at your hand when you touch her.Make sure you have close proximity –There
are few things more awkward thanreaching out a few feet to touch a girl.The closer
you are, the better.Hold her hand when walking through acrowd – For example, lets
say you’re atthe bar with her, and want to go for adrink. You can say, “Let’s go
for a drinkat the bar,” then take her hand and leadher through the crowd.Ask about
her jewelry – Notice that shehas some cool jewelry on her wrist?Lightly take her
hand, and ask her themeaning of the jewelry.***Alright, so to recap, here are the 3
keysto sexy non-verbal flirting:1. Sexy eye contact2. Close proximity3. Physical
touchWhen you combine these non-verbaltechniques with the verbal techniques,you’ll
be flirting like a Casanova.Action Tip: Use at least oneof these non-verbal
flirtingtechniques in your nextconversation with a woman.Reference:1. Guéguen,
Nicolas. "Courtshipcompliance: The effect of touch onwomen's behavior." Social
Influence 2.2(2007): 81-97.Part IV:ConnectGet Her TalkingYou now have a basic
framework for:-Getting through your fear ofapproaching new women-Starting a
conversation-Making a great first impression-Flirting-Continuing the conversation
and gettingher numberThese elements are great, especially forshorter conversations.
But what aboutwhen you’re on a date, at the bar, oreven in a relationship? You need
toknow how to have longer conversationsand connect with women on a deeperlevel.And
to do that, you need to get hertalking. You see, the more she talksabout herself,
the more she’ll feelconnected to you.In this section, you’ll learn how to doexactly
that: get past small talk and gether talking about herself.Let’s get started…How to
Get PastSmall Talk andConnect With HerSmall talk.It’s the baron wasteland of
conversationthat seems so hard to get past. Whenyou’re in small talk, you’re
basicallytreading water. You’re staying afloat, butyou’re not getting anywhere.Even
if you start the conversation well,you still need to get to know the otherperson.
You still need to get beyond thebasic “stuff” like where they’re from andwhat they
think of the weather.You need to stir up some emotions.But this can seem like a
daunting task.And that task can seem even moredaunting when your conversational
counterpart is a beautiful woman. Yourmind either draws a blank, or startsrunning a
million miles per minute.“What do I say? What if she thinks I’mstupid? What if she
gets bored?”That’s when you fall into “interviewmode” where you’re asking basic
questions that require a one or two wordanswer. The result? The conversationstalls
out. And then you beat yourself upover it.Here’s what happens when youconstantly
engage in small talk:-Women will flake on you A LOT-Women won’t remember you-Women
won’t feel like they knowyou…-And worse, they won’t feel like youunderstand themIf
this sounds familiar to you – don’tsweat it. It happens to every guy at onepoint or
another. But there’s an easierway to make the conversation flow…andit doesn’t
require you to employ a bunchof intricate conversation tricks. Hell,you don’t even
have to talk that much.In fact, if you’re doing it right, the girlwill be talking
more than you.So, how can you beat small talk, makethe conversation flow, and build
aconnection?It’s a combination of the following:-Asking the right questions-
Listening and relating-Avoiding common conversationmistakesWe’ll cover each one in
this chapter.Asking the Right QuestionsA few simple, pointed questions candraw her
interest, open the conversation,and help you plow past small talk.Think about it –
when you’re in“interview mode”, she doesn’t evenhave to think. She can basically
respondon autopilot because she’s had that sametype of conversation hundreds of
times.But when you ask the right questions,you cause a pattern-interrupt. All of
thesudden, she has to think. She has toponder her motivations and actually feel
things. Beyond that, you also allow herto talk about herself, her passions, andher
motivations. This instantly breaksyou out of small talk.I will give you some
powerful (andsimple) questions to point you in theright direction, but more
importantly,you’ll learn how to structure yourquestions, so that you can further
theconversation instead of lead it to a deadendof awkward silence.If you do this
right, you’ll be able totransform women from being cold andclosed off, to warm and
open.Sidenote: These questions, along withthe question structure, are relevant to
any conversation, whether you’rechatting with the hottie at the bar, anetworking
event, or any randomsituations you find yourself in.Why Questions AreImportantThis
is counterintuitive, but when youprompt people to tell you aboutthemselves, they
actually perceive youas more interesting…even if they barelyknow anything about
you.Scientists have found that talking aboutourselves activates the same pleasure
centers of the brain that are associatedwith food and money. [1]And the best way to
prompt people to doso is to ask the right questions……Questions that allow the other
personto open up to you and talk about the stuffthey really care about.By asking
the right questions and takingthe time to listen to their responses,you’ll get paid
back tenfold. Theyundoubtedly will reciprocate and show alot of interest in your
life.How to Structure YourQuestionsThere are two main types of questionswe’ll deal
with here: Shortanswerquestions, and open-endedquestions.Short-Answer Questions:
Ask toomany of these types of questions in arow, and you’ll find yourself deep in
“interview mode” on a conversationalpath that leads to nowhere. These are the
questions that only require a one-wordresponse, like:-“Where did you go to school?”
-“What do you do?”-“Where are you from?”Now, it’s okay to ask these types of
questions, especially at the beginning ofthe conversation. In fact, it’s almost
necessary. But, unless you follow upwith open-ended questions, theconversation will
fall flat.Open-Ended Questions: Thesequestions require a deeper and moreextended
response. More than yes/no, orone word. These are your moneyquestions. If you can
master these, you’llbe able to open up almost anyconversation. Here’s how you can
mixthese in with short-answer questions:You: “What do you do?” (short-answer
question)Her: “I’m a lawyer.”You: “Cool cool. How did you get intothat?” (open-
ended question)Her: “Well, my dad was a lawyer andever since I was a kid, I…[blah
blahblah]”You: “Oh wow, that’s awesome. Whatdo you like about it?” (open-ended
question)Her: “Well, I really like helping peopleand…”The key with open-ended
questions isthat you need to dig a little deeper. Forexample, instead of asking
“Did you likeit?”, ask “What did you like about it?”And remember: You need to
balanceshort-answer questions with open-endedquestions.Here are some powerful open-
endedquestions to ask:-What do you like about your job?-What was it like growing up
there(where they grew up)?-If you could wake up anywhere in theworld tomorrow,
where would it be?-What’s your dream job?-Why are you doing X instead of doingY?
Listening and RelatingQuestions are important – but youshouldn’t just rattle
question afterquestion at her – even if they’re good,open-ended questions.This is a
big mistake guys make. Insteadof actively listening to a woman, theynod along with
a blank stare, or wait forher to shut up so they can say what theywant.When you
don’t actively listen, it makesthe girl feel like you don’t understandher. In fact,
she feels like you don’t evenreally care.So, what should you do instead?When she’s
telling you about herself,actively
listen to her, and relate back toher responses. Provide some sort offeedback, even
if it’s as simple asrepeating back what she said.For example, let’s say that she
tells youabout how she loved studying abroad inSpain.You could respond with
something like:“That’s awesome that you lived inSpain! I’ve been learning Spanish –
Spain is on my list of places to go!”She might say, “That’s great! I definitely
recommend it.”To which you could say, “Great…so,what made you want to live in
Spain?”This shows that you listen and you “getit,” and also allows her to reveal
hermotivations to you (a strong emotionaltopic).Plus, it shows that you’re
interested inher as well. This eases the socialpressure and makes her feel like
you’reon her side.Here’s another example….You: “What do you do?”Her: “I'm an
architect”You: “Ah that's awesome. One of myfavorite parts of walking through NYC
islooking at all the beautiful architecture.It's crazy how the city is filled with
somany beautiful buildings. You must getsome inspiration from them, right?”Her:
“Yeah! The buildings here areawesome.”You: “For sure... So tell me, what madeyou
want to get into architecture?”Her: “Well, I’ve always loved creatingthings. Ever
since I was a kid, I dreamedof designing a building that would bepart of the NYC
skyline.”You: “Oh yeah? It sounds like you'redoing something you're really
passionateabout! So what kind of building would itbe?”Avoiding CommonConversation
MistakesThe more you get past small talk, themore risks you will take in
conversations, and the more potentialmistakes you will be exposed to.That’s why I’m
going to highlight a few“mistakes” for you to be aware of. Thesemistakes will make
you come across asan asshole and/or make the girl feel likeyou don’t “get” her.And
so, I’d like to help you avoid them.These mistakes are all based on apsychological
concept know as “theother.”What is “the other?” Well, do you everfeel like there
are people who “get you”,and then, there’s everybody else? Youknow, people who just
understand youand your lifestyle…and then the peoplewho can’t begin to relate to
you?That’s what I mean by “the other.”You see, we have a tendency to vieweverything
in the world (including otherhuman beings) as being either the“same” as ourselves,
or “other” (i.e.“with us” or “against us”).And rightfully so. This “same vs. other”
concept protects us from potentialthreats and helps us stick with the peoplewho
understand us best and are mostlikely to support us.But when it comes to seducing
andconnecting with women, it’s where manyguys destroy their chances. That’sbecause
many guys are great atpositioning themselves as “the other”,and not very good at
showing how theyare “the same”. But in order toemotionally connect with women, you
need to help women see you as the“same” as them.So the goal of highlighting these
mistakes is to help you stop doing thingsthat make women view you as “theother” so
you can make connections withthem.Mistake #1: StatingContentious OpinionsLet’s say
you love to meditate.You’re on a date with a girl, and shesays, “You know what I
can’t stand?People who meditate. They just sit theredoing nothing and claim that it
clearstheir mind. What a waste of time.”How would you feel? Probably muchless
connected to her, right?This is exactly what you want to avoiddoing to her. There’s
really no reason forstating contentious opinions and it onlyputs you at risk of
ruining the connection.Solution #1: Be NonJudgmentaland Focus onCommonalitiesWhen
you’re trying to connect with agirl, it’s best to avoid arguments andcontention.
These will put you in the“other” category faster than anythingelse.If you hate 9-5
jobs and cubicles, butshe works a desk job that she enjoys, it’sprobably not a
great idea to go on abouthow much you despise conventional jobs(I’ve made this
mistake many times).Instead, focus on things you can easilyrelate to each other on,
like interests andhobbies. For example, maybe you bothlike to travel, read, or have
a favoriteNetflix show in common.(Note: It is okay to disagree with girlswithout
being contentious. Just avoidmaking it a big deal and a major partof the
conversation.)Mistake #2: GettingMarried to a ConversationTopicYou know that
feeling when you’re donetalking about something, but yourconversation counterpart
keeps bringingit back up? It’s like, “Bro, I know youlike working out, but I don’t
want to talkabout the nuances of deadlifts for 3hours.”Every conversation topic has
a lifespan,and if you try to milk the topic past itslifespan, you’ll annoy people
(and turnwomen off).You may be tempted to do this becauseyou’ll naturally be more
comfortablewith certain conversation topics. Forexample, if you enjoy working out,
you’ll be comfortable talking aboutlifting weights. But you can’t allowyourself to
keep falling back to this topic– you must keep the conversationflowing…Solution #2:
Weave inMultiple TopicsA rich conversation weaves throughmultiple topics.It’s okay
to change the subject, even ifyou haven’t said everything you feel likeyou need to
say about a topic. But whenyou keep reverting back to aconversation topic, it
signals to womenthat you have low social intelligence andalso that you’re not a
very well roundedman.If you feel like you want to keep comingback to a “dead”
topic, stop yourself,and ask a good question to push theconversation forward (like,
“What areyou passionate about?”).It’s also important to keep theconversation
focused on more emotionaltopics.Here are some emotional topics foryou to dive into:
-Her dreams-Her experiences-What she loves to do-What she is passionate about-What
her motivations are(We’ll talk more about these emotionalconversation topics in the
next chapter)Mistake #3: Talking TooMuch About YourselfA friend told me she went on
a Tinderdate the other day with a doctor. He washandsome, successful, and rich.
Everything a woman wants, right?But within an hour, she had her friendcall her and
give the “sick grandmaexcuse” so she could escape this terribledate.(The “sick
grandma excuse” is when agirl has her friend call her 30 minutes toan hour into a
date. If she’s having fun,she’ll hang up and stay on the date. Ifshe’s not, she’ll
say, “My mom justcalled. My grandma is sick and I have togo see her.”)So, what
happened?The guy ranted and raved about himself,his success, and his importance.
She feltlike she couldn’t be herself around him,like he was constantly judging her.
He positioned himself as “the other”right from the beginning and it killed any
attraction and hope for a connection.Solution #3: Focus theConversation on the Girl
You don’t have to say that much aboutyourself, especially in your first
conversation. In fact, you can tell hervery little while having her open up andtell
her almost everything about herself.Remember: Talking about ourselvesactivates the
same pleasure centers ofthe brain that are associated with foodand money. The more
she talks aboutherself, the more connected she’ll feel toyou.Action Tip #1: Write
down 5open-ended questions. Focusthem around emotionaltopics like we talked about
here.For example, “What are you mostpassionate about?”Action tip #2: Write downthe
conversation mistake(from the list above) thatyou feel like you’re mostguilty of.
This will help yoube more aware of it andavoid it in the future.Reference:1. Tamir,
Diana I., and Jason P. Mitchell."Disclosing information about the self is
intrinsically rewarding." Proceedings ofthe National Academy of Sciences109.21
(2012): 8038-8043.5 Go-ToConversationTopics forConnectingRemember: The more she
talks aboutherself, the more connected she’ll feel toyou.And in order to truly get
her to talkabout herself, you need to infuseemotional topics into the conversation.
Sure, it’s nice to talk about the new clubdowntown, or how it sucks when it’s
raining outside, but those areconversations she can have with anyone.You want to
move to topics that aren’tuniversally relatable for everyone.That’s how real
connections are formed,and that’s what this chapter is allabout…(Note: It’s best to
weave these topicsinto conversation. Don’t formulaicallycycle through them like a
robot. Allowthe conversation to flow and evolve.Also, try to relate back to her
responseswith something relevant from your ownlife. This shows her that you “get
her”and that you’re actually interested andpaying attention.)With this in mind,
here are 5 go-toconversation topics that make it easyto talk and connect with
women…1. Her ExperiencesPerhaps you’ve both gone scuba diving,or traveled to
Vietnam. Or perhapsshe quit her job and moved to a beachtown to become a whale
shark tourguide.We’ve all had memorable experiences –good and bad, uplifting and
scary.Experiences are tied to emotions –we’re always feeling “stuff” when wego
through them. That’s why they’re sucha great topic. They can lead to amazingstories
and tons of emotions, as well asunique ways to relate to each other.Here are some
questions that can getyou to this topic:-“What made you want to come to thiscity?”
-“What was your last big adventure?”-“Where is your favorite place you’vetraveled?”
Once you get her talking about this,you can dive deeper and ask questionslike:-“How
did it feel when you did X?”-“What was it like to do X?”When you ask these types of
questions,you’ll tap into the emotions she feltwhen she had those experiences.2.
Her DreamsWhat does she really want to do with herlife? What are her biggest
aspirations?Everybody thinks about their dreams –but not everybody gets to talk
aboutthose dreams. That’s because mostpeople never think to ask them.But given the
opportunity, most peoplewould love
to talk about their dreamsand aspirations. That’s why it brings upall sorts of
good and hopeful emotions.Here are some questions that can getyou to this topic:
-“What’s something you’ve alwayswanted to do?”-“What’s something you want to
achievethis year?”Once you get her talking about this,you can dive deeper and ask
questionslike:-“How would it feel to do that?”-“How would your life change if you
accomplish that?”3. What She Loves to DoWhat do you love to do? Think about itfor a
minute…No, really. Do it right now.Did you think about it? Okay, good…How did it
feel? You probably picturedyourself doing those things, and youprobably felt
similar emotions as whenyou did them, right?For me, I love performing on stage.
Every time I think about it, I picture mypast performances when there were huge
crowds cheering for me, and I waskilling it. It brings up a feeling ofexcitement.
When women talk about the things theylove to do, the same thing happens. Theyfeel
those good emotions, and theyassociate those good emotions to beingaround you.Here
are some questions that can getyou to this topic:-“What do you absolutely love to
do?”-“What kind of activities set you on fireand get you excited?”-“What kinds of
things make you laughthe hardest?”Once you get her talking about this,you can dive
deeper and ask questionslike:-“What do you love about X?”-“How do you feel when you
do X?”4. Her PassionsWhat passions drive her? Maybe sheloves traveling, or perhaps
she’sextremely passionate about volunteering.Her passions are another highly
emotional topic. People love talkingabout them. What’s more, a woman’spassions can
tell you a lot about her – aswell as give you a glimpse intowhether you are a good
fit for eachother.You may find that you have similarpassions, which makes it very
easy torelate and connect with her.Here is a question that can get you tothis
topic: “What are you mostpassionate about?”Once you get her talking about this,you
can dive deeper and ask questionslike:-“What makes you passionate about X?”-“How do
you feel when you’refollowing that passion?”5. Her MotivationsWhy does she want the
things she wants?What are her true motivations? Mostmen never dig this deep…They
ask questions like, “What do youdo?” She responds with something like,“Oh I’m a
lawyer.” He follows up with,“Cool! Do you like it?” to which sheresponds, “It’s
okay, and what aboutyou?”That’s the foundation of a boring, polite,platonic
conversation. And that’s exactlywhat you DON’T want…Instead, try to figure out
exactly why shewants the things she wants. When you dothis from a place of
curiosity, it showsthat you’re interested and not afraid todive a little deeper.
It’s quite the patterninterrupt but that’s a good thing.Here are some questions
that can getyou to this topic:-“What made you want to get intothat?” (If she’s
discussing her career orcollege major)-“What made you do that?” (Ifshe’s discussing
a story or a choiceshe’s made)Once you get her talking about this,you can dive
deeper and ask questionslike:-“Now that you’re doing X, how do youfeel about it?”
-“Why did you want to accomplish X?”***The more you dive into these kinds of
emotional topics, the easier you’llconnect with women. You’ll stop havingpolite,
“just friends” conversations.What’s more, you’ll start sparkingattraction with your
words, and find thatA LOT more women are “into you.”So, use these with caution, and
breakthem out when you genuinely want toconnect with women.Action Tip: Choose at
leastone of these conversationtopics and use them in yournext conversation with a
woman.Part V:CaptivateHow to Talk AboutYourself in anAttractive Way“So you know all
this about me… I wantto know more about you!” she tellsyou…“Well, what do you want
to know,” yousay with sly smile.“I don’t know. What do you do? What’syour story?”
she responds…“Well…”What are you going to say? How are yougoing to talk about
yourself?While it’s best to get her talking aboutherself, as well as create a fun,
flirtyconversation, at some point she’ll wantto know about you.Whether she asks you
for your story oryou relate things about your lifethroughout the conversation – you
needto know how to talk about yourself in anattractive way.But most men do this all
wrong. How?In a few ways…First, they focus on facts and statsover emotions.They say
things like, “Well, I’ve been to5 countries, I have THIS car, I run asuccessful
business, I’m a doctor, etc.”All of these things sound nice.Impressive, even. But
there’s one bigproblem…Women don’t connect with facts andstats. They connect with
emotions.And the way to communicateemotionally is to tell better stories and
communicate good qualities. But…Most men also tell terrible stories…They infuse
their stories with “humblebrags” and don’t talk about the emotionsinvolved.
Instead, they just convey thefacts and talk about what happened.What’s worse, they
don’t involve theother person in the story at all. They talkAT the woman the whole
time, instead ofWITH her.But even when men do tell good stories,they struggle to…
Convey the right qualities aboutthemselves…You see, one of the keys to talking
aboutyourself is to convey attractive qualities.If you don’t know the right
qualities toconvey and how to convey them, yourisk killing the connection and
makingdumb mistakes.Speaking of mistakes, the other big onemen make when talking
about themselvesis that they give away too much tooquickly.You don’t need to be a
completely openbook, especially when you just meetsomebody.We’ve all met that
person who seems togive it all up right away. They go intotheir life story without
even beingprompted. It’s annoying, right?It’s better to hold a little back and be
intriguing.Okay okay, how’s all this sound? At thispoint, you may be a little
overwhelmed.“Shit, I’m making a lot of these mistakesright know!” you may be
thinking…That’s okay though. That’s why you havethis book – to learn how to avoid
thecommon mistakes and communicatemore effectively (and attractively). Andthat’s
what you’re going to learnthroughout this chapter and this section.When you talk
about yourself in anattractive way, you can literally “flip”the attraction switch
in a woman’s mind.If she wasn’t into you before, you canopen her up to the idea of
being withyou. And if she was already interested inyou, you can keep building that
interestto the point where she’s open to takingthe next step with you (perhaps
leavingthe bar and going home with you).So, how do you talk about yourself in an
attractive way?There are a few elements to this:1) Understand the purpose of
talkingabout yourself2) Highlight sexy qualities aboutyourself3) Bait her4) Follow
the proper etiquetteWe’ll go into each of these 4 elementsso you can start talking
about yourself inan attractive way.Step #1: Understand thePurpose of Talking About
YourselfThe purpose is actually quite simple: Toquickly excite and intrigue her and
thenturn the conversation back over to her.You’re not trying to tell her your life
story or convince her why you’re theperfect man for her. You’re not trying tolist
out all of your impressive accolades.Just excite her, intrigue her, and get her
talking about herself again.Step #2: Highlight SexyQualities About YourselfHow do
you excite and intrigue her? Itstarts by highlighting the right qualitiesabout
yourself.Most men THINK that women areattracted to:-A good job-Lots of money-Good
looksWhile these things are good to have,they aren’t at the root of attraction. In
other words, they aren’t enough.(Just ask the guy who worked his wholelife to make
a lot of money, assumingthat women would love him for it. Onlyto realize later that
having a lot of moneydoesn’t do the trick…)So when you try to convey thesequalities
in conversation, you just seemlike you’re trying to impress the girl.But what
qualities are women attractedto?A study by the Journal of Personalityand Social
Psychology titled“Dominance, prosocial orientation, andfemale preferences: Do nice
guys reallyfinish last?” found that dominance andprosocial behavior are two of the
biggest qualities that attract women tomen. [1]So, why dominance and prosocial
behavior?I’ll explain what that even means in aminute. But first, let’s start with
dominance…Think about how a stereotypical “niceguy” interacts with women. He puts
women on a pedestal, waits foroverwhelming signs of attraction beforemaking a move,
and doesn’t get laid allthat much (if at all). For women, beingwith this kind of
man is a chore.Now, think of how a dominant man acts.Women are not a scarce
resource forhim, so he doesn’t put them on apedestal. He knows what he wants in
life, and goes for it unapologetically.What’s more, women don’t have toworry about
much when they’re with adominant man – they can relax, knowingthat he’ll do the
leading and make herfeel good emotions.Dominance, then, is an indicator that aguy
is successful with women and hascontrol of his life. And so, it is veryattractive
to women.So, how can you convey dominance inconversation? Here are some examplesyou
could talk about:-A time where you achieved somethingyou once thought was
impossible-How you took charge of a situationeven though you were unsure of the
outcome-A time where you successfully led agroup of peopleHere’s a quick example:“I
love creating art, but everybody toldme, ‘You can never succeed in thatprofession.
It’s a poor man’s game.’ Thisonly motivated me more – I wanted toprove everybody
wrong and make ithappen. So, I buckled down and keptimproving my painting skills,
and I reada few books about marketing. Within 2months, I had sold my first painting
for anice sum. And all those haters
hadnothing to say!”Now, let’s go over prosocial behavior.Prosocial behaviors are
those intendedto help other people. When you’reprosocial, you’re concerned about
therights, feelings, and welfare of otherpeople.Some behaviors you’d associate with
prosocial behavior are feeling empathy,as well as acting in altruistic ways that
benefit other people.Again, let’s look at this through a niceguy lens. The typical
“nice guy” is alittle bitter towards women. Most of hisactions are meant to get
something fromother people (especially women)without much of a care for how those
other people feel. And so, he’s not veryprosocial.Now, let’s look at a prosocial
man. Thisguy communicates with people withease, has a big social circle, is well
connected, and genuinely cares aboutpeople. He doesn’t do altruistic thingswith an
ulterior motive. He does them asan end in themselves.And so, prosocial behavior
indicatesthat a man is social, successful withwomen, and has abundance in his life
(both with women and with money).So, how can you convey prosocialbehavior in
conversation? Here aresome examples you could talk about:- A time where you helped
somebodyless fortunate- A time where you hung out with agroup of friends and had
fun- A time where you helped a friendaccomplish somethingHere’s a quick example:
“Living inMedellin, Colombia was a ton of fun.We had some awesome parties and met
tons of cool people. But one of the mostmemorable parts was taking a trip up to
poorest section of the city and handingout shoes to the little kids. Have youever
done volunteer work by the way?This was my first time. Anyway, thesekids either had
no shoes, or extremelybeaten-up shoes. So, seeing the looks ontheir faces when we
handed them somebrand new shoes was amazing. Thewhole experience really put
everythinginto perspective.”So, dominance and prosocial behavior.If you can convey
these qualities, youcan come off very attractive to women.Aside from these two main
qualities,there are some secondary qualities youshould highlight as well.-
Adventurousness. Women lovespontaneous men. They want the kind ofguy who’s going to
make them feel alive,challenge them, and excite them. Not thekind of guy they can
easily predict.-Appreciation of Beauty. Men whoappreciate beauty usually genuinely
lovewomen. What’s more, they also tend toenjoy good sex.-Vulnerability. People
aren’t perfect.Women appreciate men who can bevulnerable about some of their fears
andshortcomings, rather than men whopretend to be perfect.Step #3: Bait HerWhen it
comes to talking about yourself,it’s always more powerful when sheasks you about
something than when youstraight up tell her. People value whatthey have to work
for, much more thanwhat they are freely given.That’s where baiting comes into play.
Baiting causes women to put effort intofinding out who you are, and it alsomakes
you come off as deeper and moremysterious.We’re going to discuss 3 specific formsof
baiting – you’ll want to infuse all ofthese into your conversations.Baiting
technique 1: Make anintriguing statement.Let’s say a girl asks what you do…You
could say, “I’m a stockbrokerdowntown…I also enjoy cooking.”Okay, that’s fine – but
it doesn’t give hermuch to work with. Plus, it paints you asa bit of a boring,
typical guy. Now, let’slook at how you can answer this in amore intriguing way…When
she asks what you do, you can say,“I’m a bit of a chef, but during the day Ianalyze
businesses.”This is short on details, and it gives hera lot to work with. She’ll be
curiousabout what you mean by being a bit of achef, as well as what you mean by
“analyze businesses.” This will instantlymake you appear more mysterious and
intriguing.Here’s another example…Let’s say she asks you what you like todo…You
could say, “I like reading books andlearning in general.”Again, a bit of a boring
statement. Now,let’s add some baiting into it…“I love learning and improving. I
feellike if you’re not stretching your comfortzone and feeling a little stupid some
ofthe time, you’re not really living.”Now she’s thinking, “What does hemean by
‘learning?’ And how has hestretched his comfort zone?”She’ll want to dig deeper and
learnmore about you.Baiting technique 2: ReciprocityIn his groundbreaking book
Influence,author Robert Cialdini discusses the 6key influence tactics of psychology
andpersuasion. One of the most powerful ofthose tactics is reciprocity.What is
reciprocity? Well, as humans,we generally aim to return favors andpay people back
when they’ve given ussomething. We have the strong urge toreciprocate. For example,
have you everasked to sample more than a couple offlavors at an ice cream shop?
Afteryou’ve sampled a few, do you feelcompelled to buy something, even if youdon’t
really have the strong urge to eatanymore ice cream? That’s reciprocityin action.
You can use this reciprocity tactic tobait her in conversations. How?When you dive
deep on a particulartopic about her life, she’ll feelcompelled to ask you about
that sametopic.For example, let’s say you’ve used thequestion structure from part
4, and she’stold you about her career, what made herget into it, what she likes
about it, etc.Maybe the two of you have spent 3-5minutes or more discussing it.
She’s going to feel a lot of socialpressure to reciprocate and ask what youdo. At
that point, you can use the firstbaiting technique to keep her intriguedand
interested.Baiting technique 3: The open loopHave you ever watched the hit series
Game of Thrones? They end everyepisode with a huge open loop that getsyou excited
and interested in the nextepisode or the next season. That openloop stays on the
back of your mind allweek until the next episode airs. It’spowerful stuff.You can
also use these open loops inconversation.For example, let’s say she’s talkingabout
travel…Her: “I traveled abroad in Spain when Iwas in college. It was a great
experience.”You: “Spain is one of my favoritecountries! What did you think about
theculture?”Her: “It was amazing! So much differentthan here. The tapas were
incredible andthe people were so stylish. What’d youthink of Spain? And what other
countrieshave you been to?”Can you spot the open loop in thisexample? If you missed
it, here it is:“Spain is one of my favorite countries!What did you think about the
culture?By telling her Spain is one of yourfavorite countries, you indirectly
signalthat you’ve been to other countries (andyou have the quality of
adventurousness). But then, you continueon with an open-ended question.You’ve
created an open loop in hermind, because she’ll be curious aboutwhat other
countries you’ve been to.And by following it up with an openendedquestion about
her, you do it in asocially savvy way.If you just said, “Spain is one of myfavorite
countries!” you’d signal, “Yeah,look at how cool I am, I travel so much.”But
instead, you put the open loop in askind of a throwaway detail on your wayto
discovering more about her. You don’tfocus on it, and so it doesn’t comeacross like
you’re trying to impress her.And yet, it still plants the question in hermind,
“What other countries has he beento?” and lays the groundwork for adeeper
conversation.Step #4: Follow the ProperEtiquetteIt’s not enough to know how to
highlightthe right qualities about yourself and baitwomen. You must also follow the
properetiquette for talking about yourself.Otherwise you risk talking aboutyourself
too much, coming across asunattainable, and damaging theconnection.In terms of
“talk about yourself”etiquette, there are 3 rules you shouldfollow…Rule 1: Don’t
make the conversationall about youRemember: The more she talks aboutherself, the
more connected she’ll feel toyou.So, she doesn’t need to know that muchabout you to
feel like she’s connected toyou.With this in mind, you shouldn’t betalking about
yourself for the majority ofthe conversation. In fact, you shouldkeep it to a
minimum.That way, she’s the one talking aboutherself, qualifying herself to you,
andreally putting most of the effort in. Allwhile you sit back, make some
intriguingstatements, tell a few pointed stories,and let the conversation flow.How
can you do this? After talkingabout yourself briefly, turn theconversation back
over to her. You cando this by:Asking her the same question she askedyou. If you’ve
just told her what you do,you can ask her what she does.Include her in the
conversation byinfusing questions about your topic. Ifyou’re telling her a story
aboutsnorkeling, you could say somethinglike, “I LOVE snorkeling – have youever
tried it?” to which she may launchinto a tale about how she lovessnorkeling too.Ask
her a random question. You can usethis as your backup plan if you feel likethe
conversation topic has dried up. Yousimply ask her a random question like,“Where
have you traveled to?”Here’s an example of turning theconversation back to her
smoothly…Her: “How’d you end up starting yourown fitness blog?”You: “It’s a long
story, but after Ifinished college I was pretty out ofshape. One of the guys I
worked withwas passionate about fitness, and he gotme into it. It completely
enthralled me. Iended up quitting my office job tobecome a personal trainer, then I
thought,“How can I help more people get inshape, rather than just a few clients a
day?” That’s why I started up my fitnessblog a few years ago – to reach as many
people as possible. It took a while tobuild traction, and a lot of peopledoubted
me. At one point when mymoney was low, I even consideredquitting and going back to
a regular job.But I kept at it, and eventually I managedto get published on a few
big sites. Fromthere, it kept growing.”Her: “That’s so interesting!”You: “I guess.
It just seems
like such along journey when I think back to it!What about you though – you said
youwanted to get into photography aftercollege, but it never happened. Whatstopped
you from pursuing that dream?”Here, you’ve built an interesting pictureof yourself
and made her curious. Youhaven’t divulged all the details. Plus,you’ve given her a
chance to talk evenmore about herself.Rule 2: Paint yourself as more than an
ordinary guyAverage is boring. Women like men whosucceed in the face of adversity,
overcome obstacles, and have purpose.So, when you’re talking about yourself,you
want to convey these things.How? Think back to the previousexample about the
fitness blog. How didhe tell that story? If you dissect it, you’llnotice he
followed this structure:1) He started by talking about himselfwhen he was younger
and a goal that hehad, but wasn’t sure how to accomplish.2) He mentioned a few
obstacles alonghis way to success.3) He talked about how he began tofinally see
some success.4) He talked about his ultimate success(getting published on bigger
sites andgrowing his blog).If you can use this “talk about yourself”structure,
you’ll come across as muchmore than the average guy.What’s more, you can use this
structurefor shorter term things, like the time yougot a promotion, succeeded in a
performance, etc.The point is to show that you’re the typeof guy who doesn’t shrink
in the face ofadversity. You rise to the challenge andovercome, instead of giving
upprematurely.Rule 3: Be relatableOn the other side of the coin, you don’twant to
position yourself as tooextraordinary, because that will turn alot of women off.
Think about it. Most women you talk towill be normal people (barring any runinswith
big-time celebrities), so if youcome across as “holier than thou”, theywon’t be
able to relate to you. You needto show that you’re human as well.How can you do
that?Don’t paint yourself as “perfect”.Instead, poke some fun at your mistakes,and
show that you’ve struggled to get toyour successes despite your failures. Itwasn’t
all rainbows and unicorns.You can also add in some light-heartedplayfulness. For
example, going back tothe fitness blog guy, he could have joked,“Hell, back in
college I barely evenknew what a dumbbell was!”Okay, so there you have it. You now
know what to do to talk about yourself inan attractive way.To recap:Step #1:
Understand the purpose oftalking about yourselfStep #2: Highlight sexy qualities
aboutyourselfStep #3: Bait herStep #4: Follow the proper etiquette.But how do you
put all this together andinfuse it into your conversations?One of the best ways to
do it is throughstorytelling…Luckily, you’re about to learn how totell a kick-ass
story that hooks her in!Reference:1. Jensen-Campbell, Lauri A., WilliamG. Graziano,
and Stephen G. West."Dominance, prosocial orientation, andfemale preferences: Do
nice guys reallyfinish last?." Journal of Personality andSocial Psychology 68.3
(1995): 427.How to Tell aKick-Ass StoryThat Hooks Her InThe music bumped and the
ground shookbelow me. I looked around in awe.I had just stepped into my first
nightclubin Asia, after nearly 30 hours of travel.And I was scared.I was with some
of the guys from theentrepreneur group there. My friend hadintroduced me to them
over some drinksand hookah earlier in the night. But thatdidn’t do much to ease my
comfort level.Sure, I loved nightlife. But this was awhole different beast. I was
sleepdeprivedand surrounded by unfamiliarfaces.What’s worse – I was thinking of the
girlI had just left behind in Boston. Natalie.I’d never liked a girl as much as I
likedher. We had an amazing two monthstogether, but I had to leave her to embarkon
this journey, all the way across theglobe to Vietnam.Have you ever had to leave a
girlprematurely like this? Maybe you knowthe feeling…As I stood for a second, lost
in thought,one of the guys from the entrepreneurgroup interrupted…“Let’s go
approach some girls, bro!”He was a hyper, 18-year-old dude whowas already
successful in business. Iwas not in the mood to approach girls,but he wouldn’t take
“no” for an answer.After a few attempted conversations, Iescaped to the bathroom. I
walked backout to the dance floor, looked around onemore time, and broke into a
sweat.The weird Asian electronic music, thecrazy environment, the foreignlanguages…
It was all too much, toofast…I couldn’t take it…***We communicate best through
stories.Stories are what hook us in and make usfeel things.And if you think about
it, storytelling iskey for most things involving people –whether it’s teaching,
writing, speaking,selling, leading, or attracting women…A good story snaps people
out of theirboredom and captivates them. But goodstorytelling? That’s hard to do –
andvery few people ever practice the skill.By the end of this chapter, though,
you’llhave all the tools you need to tell greatstories.So, what is good
storytelling? Well, the“telling” part and the “story” part aretwo different beasts.
You can have allthe aspects that make a good story, but ifyou don’t tell it well,
it won’t be a goodstory. You need both pieces.And to top it off, you need to know
howto tell it in a way that attracts women.We’ll cover all the pieces in this
chapter.The first piece is the way you tell thestory.To tell a story well, you
should have ahandle on the most important aspect ofgood storytelling:Tell the story
as if you’re living it.You want to hold your listener’s handand walk her through
every twist andturn, so that she’s on the edge of her seat.How do you do that?It’s
a combination of your tonality, facialexpressions, and mood at each momentof your
story. You want her to feel likeyou felt at the time – not like “it’salready over
and everything turned outokay.” Keep the sense of mystery alive.To see some
examples of this in action, Irecommend checking out comedians likeJohn Mulaney,
Bill Burr, and EugeneMirman. These dudes know how to keepthe mystery (and hilarity)
goingthroughout their stories.You can start with these clips by JohnMulaney:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07BiGlUW0mYAnd…https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=aYIwPu50Fic***How the hell did I get to that moment –stuck in an Asian nightclub,
ponderinglife, and feeling overwhelmed?It all started with the desire for freedom.
After graduating college with anAccounting major, I soon realized Ididn’t want to
be an accountant. It wastoo boring, and I loved to create things.When I sat in a
cubicle in the accountingoffice, I felt caged. “This couldn’t be allthere is to
life,” I thought.I was hungry for more. Hungry foradventure. I didn’t want to be
anotherdude who just checked off boxes. Youknow the boxes I’m talking about. Go to
college, get a job, buy a house, getmarried, have kids, buy a bigger house,get a
promotion, retire, etc.It all seemed so predictable…So, I saved up just enough
money to quitmy job. I moved back home with myparents, but even then, I had just
enoughsavings to last a few months.I had to make something happen. “Nowor never,” I
thought.Scared and quickly running out ofmoney, I did the only thing I could do:
start learning.I learned how to start a blog, and startedone. Then, I learned
copywriting, andtried to get clients.The goal? Well, the long-term goal wasto
travel the world and achieve financialfreedom. But my short-term goal wassimply to
make $2k a month. I knew if Icould do that, I could move to Vietnamwhere there were
tons of locationindependententrepreneurs.(My friend had been living in Vietnamfor a
year, and raving about how he waslearning so much about business and lifefrom these
entrepreneurs.)I started off writing 500 word articlesfor $7.50 a pop. I remember
calculatinghow many I needed to write per day topay my rent. It was A LOT. And
certainly not sustainable. But I keptlearning and looking for betteropportunities.
It took me about six months and a fewlucky breaks. But once I started making$2k a
month, I pulled the trigger andbought my plane ticket in May of 2014. Iwas set to
leave at the end of July.Scared, excited, and hopeful, I knew thiscould be a life-
changing step on myjourney.But a week after I bought my ticket, Imet Natalie. She
was the first girl inyears that I truly connected with. Theproblem? I knew I’d have
to leave her…***You can also make the story moreinteresting by involving her and
pausingat the right times.So, how do you involve her? Ask herpointed questions
throughout the story,so she feels like she’s a part of it. Forexample, “So I was at
an improv showthe other night – do you like improv?Well this was just about the
funniestshow I’ve been to. Maybe I’ll take youto one some time! Anyway, I was at
thisshow and…”As for pausing? Well, you should neverrush through your stories –
especially theimportant parts. You see, people don’tfeel moved by your words – they
feelmoved by the spaces in between yourwords. Pausing for just a second or twohere
and there can be powerful.***“Guys, I’m gonna head home,” I told thegroup. This
first night in Asia had been alittle more than I could handle.I rushed out of the
club and on to thestreet, in search of a taxi. The humidityand pollution flooded my
senses onceagain.And that’s when it hit me.“Holy fuck. What have I done?!” I
thought.I’d flown all the way across the worldto fulfill some dream of adventure,
travel, and entrepreneurship. But maybethat’s not what I wanted after all.Maybe I
should have stayed in Bostonand made it work with Natalie. Maybe Ishould’ve gotten
a real job, made normalfriends, and lived a regular life.But I couldn’t turn back.
Hell, I didn’teven have enough money to fly back tothe US.I was on the other side
of the globe, withonly one person I
knew in this huge city,and I had no choice but to keep going…So I hopped in a
Taxi, showed the drivera little sticky note with the addresswritten in Vietnamese,
and headed backto my friend’s apartment.I wasn’t sure if I had ruined my life or if
I had finally gone too far.I texted Natalie a sappy, “Wish I wasback there hanging
with you,” and wentto bed.***The way you tell a story is important,but you also
need to do it in a way thatattracts women.Here are the components of a story that
attracts her:It Should Be About YOUThe point of the story is to help youconnect
with the girl. So, your storiesshould be about you or something thathappened to
you. Otherwise, they won’tdo much in the way of connecting.It Should Showcase Your
AttractiveQualitiesRemember the qualities we talked aboutin the last chapter?
(Dominance, prosocial behavior,adventurousness, vulnerability,appreciation of
beauty)These are the types of qualities you wantto showcase in your stories. Don’t
worryabout stuffing all of them in to everystory. Aim to highlight 1-3.It Should Be
About Something She’sInterested InThis is where baiting comes into play. Ifshe asks
you about a topic relevant toyour story, tell it then – that’s when itwill have the
most impact.For example, if she asks you, “How didyou end up moving to Vietnam?”It
Should End With a BangTry to end with the impact. Wrapeverything up and have some
type oftakeaway.***“Hey bro, do you want to go to yoga?”My friend woke me up and
asked if Iwanted to head there with the guys.I had never tried yoga, and I was
stillfeeling very overwhelmed – but I knew Ineeded some sort of “pick-me-up.”
“Alright fuck it, let’s do it.”At yoga, I met a few more guys from thecrew. This
was an easier atmosphere tohandle than the club. I felt a little morecalm and
relaxed.Afterwards, we hit the local smoothieshop, “Juicy” to grab some smoothies.I
told the guys about my experience fromthe night before.“Listen man,” my friend
began. “Beinghere, seeing all this, meeting theseentrepreneurs – it’s overwhelming
atfirst. I was scared for my first fewmonths.”“But this is just the beginning of
everything. What you’re going to learn isthat the world is about to open up to you.
No place is going to be off limits. Andthere are plenty of amazing women allaround
the globe.”As I talked to the guys, I began to feel abit more comfortable. They had
all beenscared when they started traveling andgetting into business. And they also
hadthe similar goals of freedom, adventure,and financial success.I could relate to
these guys.Right then, I decided: “You know what?I’m going to try to make this
work. I’mgoing to give this a shot.”Those next few weeks were tough, as Igot
accustomed to Asia. I still missedNatalie, and I still wasn’t sure if I madethe
right decision.But as the days passed, Vietnam grew onme more and more. I realized,
“This isthe type of lifestyle and freedom I’dalways wanted, so let me try and enjoy
it.”Soon enough, I loved Vietnam and thepeople there. I started learning more,
meeting amazing people, and havingmore success in business.***As I sit here writing
this 2 years laterfrom a beach in Playa Del Carmen,Mexico, I can say it for sure –
it allturned out okay. More than okay. I’velived in 5 different countries since
then,made amazing friends, and have no plansof stopping any time soon. Now, the
world really is my oyster.And if I’d retreated back home after thatscary first
night in Vietnam, I neverwould have made this amazingdiscovery.And while it didn’t
work out withNatalie, I’ve met several amazingwomen from all around the world.So I
guess sometimes, you have to scareyourself a little bit. You have to destroyyour
life to let the next great thinghappen.And that’s okay. Because you can buildit
back up better than you ever thoughtpossible.***There’s one more step to tell a
story thathooks her in: You need to have a solidstructure.You see, every story has
4 basicelements. And if you’ve been followingalong to my story about Vietnam, you
might have picked up on these elements.Here are the 4 elements of a great story:1)
Introduction. You introduce thecharacters/environment in the story, andhook in your
listener. For example, “Themusic bumped and the ground shookbelow me. I looked
around in awe. Ihad just stepped into my first nightclubin Asia, after nearly 30
hours of travel.And I was scared.”2) Development. You share thecharacters’ main
struggles and obstacles.For example, “It took me about sixmonths and a few lucky
breaks. Butonce I started making $2k a month, Ipulled the trigger and bought my
planeticket in May of 2014. I was set to leaveat the end of July. But a week after
Ibought my ticket, I met Natalie. Shewas the first girl in years that I truly
connected with. The problem? I knewI’d have to leave her…”3) Climax. This is the
turning point inthe story. For example, “And that’s whenit hit me. ‘Holy fuck. What
have Idone?!’ I thought. I’d flown all the wayacross the world to fulfill some
dreamof adventure, travel, andentrepreneurship. But maybe that’s notwhat I wanted
after all.”4) Resolution. You wind the story downand wrap it up. It’s the “come-
down”from the climax. For example, “Idecided to give Vietnam a real try, eventhough
it was scary. So I guesssometimes, you have to scare yourself alittle bit. You have
to destroy your lifeto let the next great thing happen. Andthat’s okay. Because you
can build itback up better than you ever thoughtpossible.”Let’s recap how to tell a
story that hooksher in:1) Use the aspects of good storytelling(tell it as if you’re
living in, involve her,and use pauses)2) Tell a story that attracts her (it should
be about you and showcase yourattractive qualities.3) Nail the structure
(introduction,development, climax, and resolution)Action tip: Write a shortstory
about something thathas happened to you.Include the 4 elements ofthe story
structure. Then,tell it aloud to yourself as ifyou were living it.Part VI:The Final
ConversationA Simple Habit toImprove YourConversationSkills“Are ya’ll from
America?”My friend and I had just sat down at myfavorite taco place in Medellin,
Colombia – and we were ready toindulge…That’s when Walt – a 60 something yearold
guy from Kentucky (and the onlyother person in the restaurant) –approached us and
started aconversation.He seemed innocent enough at first. Afellow gringo just
looking for someEnglish-speaking conversation partnersin a city where they’re hard
to come by.But we soon realized this guy had nointerest in talking to us – he only
wantedto talk at us.After asking for our names, he went on atangent about how his
daughter dated aguy with the same name. This led toanother tangent about how his
daughter’sboyfriend was an investor, and how hehad actually invested a lot himself.
Which led to a tangent about he hadtraveled the world. On and on he went.All of
this without our prompting. Hewent on for the entire length of our meal,with pretty
much zero input from eitherof us. It was almost impressive the wayhe could ignore
our clear signs ofdisinterest.Now I’ll ask you: Have you ever beenguilty of this?
Maybe you don’t go on for a half houron random, self-absorbed tangents – but
perhaps, from time to time, you focus alittle too much on yourself and what youcan
gain, rather than truly engaging theother person and adding value to the
conversation.Or maybe you’re so focused on sayingthe “right thing” and/or worrying
aboutwhat the other person thinks of you, thatyou don’t take the time to actually
listen.This is a big problem that a lot of guysface when talking to women.Here’s
the thing: in order to connectwith a woman, you need to remove thefocus from
yourself and put it on her.You need to be present and engaged inthe conversation.
But in the process of trying to provewe’re cool and worthy, we forget aboutthis.
We’re inclined to keep droppinghints about how awesome andimpressive we are.All the
while, the girl is thinking, “Wowthis guy is fucking full of himself.”The more you
fall into these badconversation habits, that harder it willbe for you to connect
with women.So, how do you stop yourself fromfalling into these traps? How do you
make it easier to connect with women?There’s one simple habit I give to a lotof my
clients – and it works like acharm:Try to learn 3 things about her.In other words,
you approach a girl withthe intent to learn something new abouther.It could be any
3 things. But it’s morepowerful when the things aren’t simplefacts (like what she
does, what her nameis, etc.). Those are fine to start with, butyou’ll make a deeper
connection if thethings are based more on her emotionsand the way she feels.For
example, here are a few things youcould try to learn in a new conversation:-
Something she is passionate about-Why she decided to live ina particular city-What
she likes (or dislikes) about herjob-A place she’s traveled to – and how shefelt
about it-What kind of music she’s into-What her aspirations are-Something she’s
excited aboutThink of a few yourself, and use some ofthese examples.In doing so,
you’ll build the habit – andstart naturally engaging women inconversation, and
improving your abilityto connect with them.You’ll also avoid the trap of making the
conversation all about you. You know,so you don’t have to be like Walt from
Kentucky.Action Tip: For the next fewdays, try to learn 3 thingsfrom everybody you
talk to.How to GenuinelyLove WomenYou’ve learned tons of conversationtactics
throughout this book.But, if you don’t genuinely love women,none of it will matter.
In order to be truly successful withwomen you need to become a man wholoves women.
You see, a woman can feel thedifference
when she’s interacting with aman who genuinely loves women, andone who does not.
She quickly develops trust with the manwho loves women. She can sense he hasno
ulterior motive, he enjoys themoment, he understands her, and heappreciates her
beauty. And as a result,she is more comfortable moving thingsfurther with this man.
She never truly feels comfortable aroundthe man who does not love women. Shecan
sense he is not truly comfortable inher world, he is out for some ulteriormotive
(e.g. proving himself to himselfor his friends), he doesn’t understandher, and his
mind is in another place. Asa result, she usually doesn’t want tomove forward with
this man.And so, you need to learn how to lovewomen.Here’s how things can change
for youwhen you start genuinely loving women:-You’ll earn more trust, more quickly
with women-You’ll have more enjoyment from yourexperiences-Better relationships-
Warmer reactions and more flirtation-Free yourself from bitterness towardswomen-And
a lot more…But here’s the thing: many guys find itdifficult to genuinely love
women. Thisis due to a few reasons:Bitterness. They’ve been rejected orhurt in the
past, and now they hold agrudge against women. They want to“get back” at women for
all the painthey’ve caused.Inexperience. They haven’t dealt withwomen enough, and
so they struggle tounderstand them.Stubbornness. They refuse toacknowledge that
women are emotionalcreatures. They deal with problems anddecisions differently they
men do.Stubborn men get bent out of shape whenwomen don’t act logically.Insecurity.
They’re pursuing women to“complete” themselves or makethemselves feel like they’re
“okay”.If you want to love women, you need towork through these things. You see,
anyman can love women when he’s havingtons of sex, getting eye contact left and
right, and hanging with high quality girls.But you also need to learn to love them
in the tough times.So, let’s talk about how you cangenuinely love women…Accept
ResponsibilityWe talked about this at the beginning, inthe chapter on “Taking
Responsibilityfor Your Life” (so go back, check it out,and do the action step if
you need areminder).This is key for loving women. You mustnot blame them for your
failures, norallow yourself to become bitter if thingsdon’t go your way.Understand
that WomenAre EmotionalWomen are emotional creatures, and youcan’t blame them for
it. The way youanalyze situations and problems is muchdifferent – much more logical
– than theway women do.And so, you must cater to their emotionswhen interacting
with and attractingthem. Remember: women care moreabout the way you make them feel
thanyour “stats” and accomplishments. Thatis the secret to connecting. When they
feel that you understand this, they’llrelate to you more and mentally put youin the
group of guys who “get it”.You also need to be aware of this inyour general
interactions with women.She might say one thing one day basedon how she feels, then
say somethingcompletely different the next day – justbecause her emotions shifted.
You needto have patience here.Appreciate Her BeautyWhen you’re interacting with a
beautifulwoman, a lot of things can be goingthrough your head…“Does she like me?”
“Should I try tokiss her?” “What should I talk about?”“What if she thinks I’m
boring?”All of these thoughts rob you of being inthe moment – and she can sense it.
Instead of focusing on these thoughts,focus on appreciating her beauty.What do you
like about her? Do her eyesdraw you in and captivate you? Is hersmile contagious?
Is her rhythm sexy?Does she make you laugh? Bring thesethoughts to the forefront of
your mind.As you appreciate her inner and outerbeauty, you’ll be more in tune with
yournatural male instincts.For me, it always brings a smile to myface and leads me
to make strong eyecontact. It allows me to be more freeflowing and in the moment as
well.Have a Mission Outside ofWomenYou need to have a mission in lifeoutside of
women. Otherwise, you willbe too tempted to give up on yourpassions and your
direction in life andfocus completely on women. Womenwill sense that they are the
center of yourworld, and you won’t be able togenuinely love them. Instead, you will
rely on them to fill needs that they cannotfill. You will mistake your neediness
forlove, and this will undermine yourrelationships.Loving women is a tough concept
tograsp. If you don’t have a lot ofexperience or you hold bitterness, it’seven
tougher. But this is something youmust put into practice.The more you come to love
women, thebetter and more fulfilling your datinglife, conversations, and
relationshipswill be.The Final TalkHey man, you’ve made it. We’re almostat the end…
But let me ask you this: Have you takenthe action steps at the end of thechapters?
Have you started putting thisnewfound knowledge to work in yourlife?If you do, I
can promise you’ll see bigchanges. You’ll improve your ability tocommunicate, talk,
and flirt with women.And you’ll see some satisfying results inyour dating and sex
life, as well as yourability to network with other people.But if you don’t, you’ll
be right back towhere you started when you picked upthis book.I trust that if
you’ve read this far, you’llmake the right decision.What you’ll discover is that
people areinteresting, life is exciting, and the onlylimits that exist are those
you put onyourself.The conversation tools in this book havehelped me travel the
world, start abusiness, connect with amazing people,and meet beautiful women from
morecountries than I can count. It’s been quitethe journey.I hope that for you,
these conversationtools can help you achieve your deepestdesires. More than just
with women –but also in every area of your life.So, use them wisely, take some
massiveaction, and crush it.Bonus Chapter: 20Questions to Ask aGirl on the First
DateWe’ve all had awkward first dates.Sometimes, it feels like you just can’tbreak
through and connect with the girl.You’re stuck in small talk and can’t getout.But
there ARE ways you can “escape”small talk and start connecting. A bigpart of that
is asking the right questions.So, here are 20 questions to put in yourback pocket
the next time you have afirst date.These questions will help you open upthe
conversation, learn about her, andgive you a chance to listen and relateback.(Note:
Don’t try to stuff all of thesequestions into your first dates. Choose 2-3 of them
that you like and weave theminto the conversation to make thingsmore interesting
when things die down.1) What are you passionate about?2) What do you find sexiest
in a guy?3) What’s your dream job?4) What’s one thing I wouldn’t guessabout you?5)
If you could wake up anywhere in theworld tomorrow, where would it be?6) What kind
of things make you laughthe hardest?7) What was your last big adventure?8) What’s
something you’ve alwayswanted to do?9) What do you absolutely love to do?10) Would
you consider yourself asexual person?11) Have you ever had sex in a publicplace?12)
What’s your favorite place you’vetraveled to?13) If your apartment were on fire,
what2 things would you save?14) What kind of music do you listen to?15) If you
could go back to one timeperiod in history, what would it be?16) Do you cook?
What’s your favoritemeal?17) What brought you to this city?18) How did you get into
what you’redoing now?19) What’s your favorite movie of alltime?20) What’s your
favorite book of alltime?Your Next StepThere’s no doubt in my mind that you’rewell
on your way to masteringconversation, connecting with women,and flirting like a
Casanova!But here’s the thing…In order to take the next step with a girl,you need
to know how to text her theright way.That’s why I created the Texting “CheatSheet”.
It contains 18 powerful texts tocapture her attention, get her on a date,and turn
her on.Click HERE to Download Your CheatSheet NowInside you will learn:-3 proven
texts for setting up the date-3 texts that turn her on and make herthink about you-
A proven text that gets her to respondevery time (even if she’s been ignoringyou)-
Simple online dating text openers forTinder, OkCupid, etc.…and much, much more.Can
You Do Me aFavor?Thanks for checking out my book.I’m confident you will master
conversation, connect with women, andflirt like a Casanova if you followwhat’s
written inside. But before you go,I have one small favor to ask…Would you take 60
seconds and writea quick blurb about this book onAmazon?Reviews are the best way
forindependent authors (like me) to getnoticed, sell more books, and spread my
message to as many people as possible. Ialso read every review and use thefeedback
to write future revisions – andfuture books, even.Click here to leave a review on
Amazon.comNote: The above link may not work oncertain Kindle devices. If that’s the
case,please manually navigate to the book’spage on Amazon in order to leave a
review.Thank you – I really appreciate yoursupport.About the AuthorDave Perrotta is
a dating coach, worldtraveler, and the founder ofPostGradCasanova.com – a popular
website for men who want to improvetheir dating lives, master conversation,connect
with women, and become thebest versions of themselves!