[Music]

when I was a little girl I thought that

when I grew up I would become a queen

it wasn't just a wish I was convinced

that was my destiny I could see myself

standing on the ramparts of my castle

talking to the people of my kingdom and

of course everyone in my kingdom was

very happy

my royal ambitions waned eventually and

by the time I was a teenager I realized

that when I grew up well I'd have to get

a job but still I wanted to do grand

things our parents had taught us to give

back the plan was for my sister and I

when we finished our studies to go back

to contribute to our country Ethiopia

but things didn't work out that way a

revolution changed the course of history

and all of a sudden we found ourselves

without a country to go back to no home

no identity no passport no plans

everything gone and overnight I found

myself to be a refugee and I remained so

from 17 years I had to put my dream of

doing grand things on the back burner

and busy myself with just getting on and

building a new life now I was lucky I

never had to experience the ordeal of

living in a refugee camp or any of these

horrible things I lived with my family

nonetheless when you have a refugee

status a lot of doors are closed to you

working studying traveling everything is

complicated or even forbidden so you

know over the time I built kind of a

stuck mindset today I'm going to tell

you about

how that changed how I met coaching how

leaders who coach are changing the

workplace today and how you can use a

coaching approach to improve your work

and your life but before we go ahead let

me tell you what happened at that stage

a few years after this event I built a

very nice life and a very nice career

but somehow something was still missing

you know I longed for that dream of

contributing of doing something really

meaningful and above all I wanted to

feel that it was possible and that's how

I met Albert Albert is a scholar and a

great coach so we had one meeting where

we discussed about where my career could

go and during that conversation he asked

me one question

that changed my life it got me unstuck

all of a sudden I could see a world of

possibilities that were open to me I was

really surprised at the potency of this

coaching process and that's really what

led me to where I am now

fulfilling my dream I'm a coach I hope

people achieve their dreams I help

companies create a positive coaching

culture and most importantly I teach as

many people as I can including leaders

and managers to have coaching skills so

that they can themselves create value

around themselves the state of the

workplace nowadays is really really

disheartening

too many people suffer physically and

psychologically because of unrelenting

stress or lack of meaning or scarce

recognition and most of all distressing

relationships with colleagues at work

there is some research that was done by

the Gallup Institute and they tell us

that only 15% of workers worldwide are

fulfilled at work so the fit has changed

from country to country but this is the

overall global average only 15% Jeffrey

Pfeffer at Stanford he did a

meta-analysis of 200 studies that

examine workplace stressors and found

that these caused a 50 percent increase

in the odds of developing an illness and

a 20% increase in the risk of mortality

so overall we have low engagement low

job satisfaction and high toll on health

and well-being how can we tolerate this

how did we come to think that this is

normal is this the future workplace

where we want to send our children to we

all of us together must create a

workplace where people can thrive not

where they waste their talent or lose

their health whatever future structures

there may be for the workplace

different systems we must focus on the

way people relate to each other at work

and how to make this relationship a

force for good studies show that more

than additional material things what

people want is they want to be

recognized as human beings at work and

they want the means to work properly to

get their job done Edward did she and

Richard Bryan their two eminent

professors of psychology they developed

or they're at the origin of the

self-determination theory

and they defined three fundamental needs

that human beings have to have met in

order to feel fulfilled and these are

particularly conspicuous in the

workplace
the first one is autonomy a sense of

autonomy

the second is competency feeling that

you know how to do something and that

this knowledge is appreciated and used

the third is relatedness feeling

connected with other people and so when

these three needs are met people will be

able to work and function in a way that

is very satisfactory for them and also

for their employer and clients now as

you see the science is there and there

are many other models that help us in

this area the science is there the

knowledge is there why aren't people

using this in offices and factories all

over the world as a practitioner I'm

really interested in finding ways to

bridge between the findings of

scientific knowledge and the practical

needs of everyday life in over 10 years

of teaching coaching I observed that

leaders who use coaching skills sort of

spontaneously naturally end up

respecting people's fundamental needs

they do that without ever having to

learn anything about self-determination

theory but before we go and see what it

is that they actually do let's look at

definitions of what we mean by coach

coaching there is a widely used

definition of coach as instructor an

expert who will teach you how to do

something practical a tennis coach a

vocal coach a wellness coach

then there's this second meaning which

is an emerging sense that is surfacing

in the last few years of coach as

facilitator this refers to a trained

professional who uses non directive

approaches to help their client achieve

their goals non-directive could imply

that there is no teaching and very

little advising so these are the two

wide definitions and implications about

coaching now let's go see what it is

that leaders do that is radically

different there are a lot of things that

trained leaders in coaching do but I

think there's one characteristic which

really distinguishes them and that is

that they ask rather than tell is that

all you might say yes that's all but

this requires a radical mindset change

and the implications are far-reaching so

typically a leader who coaches is not

gonna push their view on you even if

they know a lot of things instead

they'll help you think out your own

solution they will respect your three

fundamental needs in this way first of

all they will let go of being always the

expert of being always the one that

controls they respect your autonomy

second of all they demonstrate that they

have faith in your ability to find a

solution so they're honoring your

competency and thirdly they're engaging

with you in a conversation

so essentially coaching is a

conversation driven by strategic inquiry

invites novel thinking you will see how

revolutionary this is when I show you

the next example this is a typical

conversation at work in the TEL mode

where Paul comes and he has something

that he would like to do but he's still

wondering about it you know it could be

a problem to solve a project or maybe an

aspiration that he has and Oliver his

friend hearing this wants to be really

helpful and so he gives him tons of

advice oh you should do this and you

ought to try that and why don't you do

this and if I were you this is what I

would do that's helpful Oliver so what

happens is this is a conversation where

Paul comes with something that he's

perplexed about and immediately the

conversation slips into a vigorous call

for action by Oliver and Oliver maybe

doesn't know that his tips are not

appropriate does this sound familiar

yeah have you ever been Paul receiving

all this information from a good friend

yeah and let's see who has ever been

Oliver who has ever been Oliver raise

your hand oh and if you've been Oliver

often can you shake your hand yes of

course we've all been trained to be

Oliver's since we were little children

we've been trained to have the answer to

have the opinion to have the solution

and to give it fast but we know that

sometimes this doesn't work there's a

better way so here's the same

conversation in the ask mode and here we

have Paul that comes with his same

dilemma and this time Oliver

refrains from giving any advice instead

he asks a few simple questions so Paul

what is it exactly that you want

and why is it important for you Paul and

how are you going to go about it so Paul

has the opportunity to explore his idea

a little bit to come to his own

conclusions and most importantly to make

his own choices as to what action he

wants to take so you see there's a

little bit more space in this

conversation for reflection and for

dialogue wouldn't you say that it's a

better quality dialogue hmm so this is

essentially let me summarize what

leaders who coach do they first of all

refrain from pushing their views on you

first of all they ask you questions that

help you think so they're honoring your

autonomy second of all they start with

the assumption that you can think and

have a solution third of all they engage

with you wouldn't you like to have a

boss like that and would you like to be

a boss like that absolutely yes

this is what we need in the world now in

the working world now so the future of

work revolves around people who've

collaborate human beings who collaborate

and honor each other's humanity and I

believe that having a coaching approach

will enable us to achieve this dream of

a workplace where people feel more

fulfilled where their needs are met and

so that they can work to their best of

their abilities and when they work to

the best of their abilities they can

also contribute and create value for the

world so this sounds grandiose but you

know what a lot of people have done it

and let me show you somebody who's done

it this is Katie Katie is a leader who

coaches when she was doing her

certification course to become a

professional coach she discovered that

she had talent

that she hadn't thought about before and

so with this energy she went into her

organization a global company where she

was working and she introduced a

coaching culture so in one year 500

employees and 60 managers over three

continents were trained in coaching

skills imagine the business results went

beyond expectations but what's more is

that the employees today they report

more energy more motivation they say

that their company culture inspires them

and that they're becoming a better

company and they even say that coaching

is becoming a way of being over there

what an inspiring result and so as you

can see coaching is more than a skill

set it's really a leadership style and

this is a demonstration of it and anyone

can learn how to coach managers students

moms dads parents everybody can learn

how to coach in a few days you can learn

the basic skills about a year year and a

half to get a certification and longer

for a master's or doctoral degree but

you can also just simply learn how to

adopt the coaching posture which is what

you are doing here today and even that

will make a big difference a small step

in the coaching posture will help you

make big changes in the way you relate

with others and in the way you help them

obtain results in their life so now it's

your turn later this evening or tomorrow

at work I invite you though in fact I

challenge you to try this very simple

and powerful tested sequence of

questions

someone might want to discuss a problem

with you someone might want to discuss a

project or an idea or an aspiration that

they have and you will ask them these

four questions what do you really want

let them formulate and describe in

detail their desire why is this

important to you get them to connect

with the meaning the sense the value of

it how will you go about it that's an

opportunity to explore a little bit what

options they might have and lastly when

will you start you know invite them

encourage them maybe to take a first

step and as you do this listen carefully

don't interrupt don't give any advice

this is their idea the questions you

offer will help them find their solution

it sounds so simple it's almost

ridiculous isn't it yes that's how it

works and so I'd like to know who's

gonna try this evening let me see okay

and who's gonna try a coffee break

oh we have a few brave people who are

gonna try a coffee break that's

wonderful so the idea that I think is

worth spreading is that leaders of Coach

are already creating a more humane

workplace where people's needs are

fulfilled and where people can perform

better and be satisfied at work and that

anybody can do it anybody can use the

coaching approach to improve their

relations at work and at home also I

believe that you can do it that you can

make a difference starting from now

one last thing do you want to know what

Albert asked me you know the question

that changed my life when you were a

child what did you want to become

[Applause]