Shut off engine before fueling.

"Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95."

Girls really do know just what they want -- you to figure it out for yourself!
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
This space intentionally left blank.
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Real theology is always rather shocking to people who already
think they know what they think. I'm still shocked myself. :-)
-- Larry Wall in <199708261932.MAA05218@wall.org>
Those that envision the goal from the first steps, those that want the certitude of
reaching it before walking never arrive.
----+- Albert Libertad -+----
The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will
walk carefully.
-- Russian Proverb
The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April
1, 2076 (check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above
the ground directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will grep
each other by the hand (after intro), yacc a lot, smoke filtered
chroots in pipes, chown with forks, use the wc (unless uuclean), fseek
nice zombie processes, strip, and sleep, but not, we hope, od. Three
days will be devoted to discussion of the ramifications of whodo. Two
seconds have been allotted for a complete rundown of all the user-
friendly features of Unix. Seminars include "Everything You Know is
Wrong", led by Tom Kempson, "Batman or Cat:man?" led by Richie Dennis
"cc C? Si! Si!" led by Kerwin Bernighan, and "Document Unix, Are You
Kidding?" led by Jan Yeats. No Reader Service No. is necessary because
all GUGUs (Gurus of Unix Group of Users) already know everything we
could tell them.
-- "Get GUMMed," Dr. Dobb's Journal, June '84
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not
advice, it is merely custom.
-- Mark Twain
The term "fire" brings up visions of violence and mayhem and the ugly scene
of shooting employees who make mistakes. We will now refer to this process
as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk). The
employee is simply there one instant, and gone the next. All the terrible
temper tantrums, crying, and threats are eliminated.
-- Kenny's Korner
Worst Month of the Year:
February. February has only 28 days in it, which means that if
you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you
don't get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
-- Steve Rubenstein
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having
his neighbour notice it.
-- Trygve Lie
I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
>>> Internal error in fortune program:
>>> fnum=2987 n=45 flag=1 goose_level=-232323
>>> Please write down these values and notify fortune program administrator.
A Roman divorced from his wife, being highly blamed by his friends, who
demanded, "Was she not chaste? Was she not fair? Was she not fruitful?"
holding out his shoe, asked them whether it was not new and well made.
Yet, added he, none of you can tell where it pinches me.
-- Plutarch
Be different: conform.
We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.
-- Mona Caird, 1892
I think she must have been very strictly brought up, she's so desperately
anxious to do the wrong thing correctly.
-- Saki, "Reginald on Worries"
Therefore it is necessary to learn how not to be good, and to use
this knowledge and not use it, according to the necessity of the cause.
-- Machiavelli
The most common given name in the world is Mohammad; the most common
family name in the world is Chang. Can you imagine the enormous number
of people in the world named Mohammad Chang?
-- Derek Wills
We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
-- Dr. Konrad Adenauer
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Holiday and other blackout periods apply.
Be valiant, but not too venturous.
Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
-- John Lyly
A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the bottom
of a well.
Could be you're crossing the fine line
A silly driver kind of...off the wall

You keep it cool when it's t-t-tight

...eyes wide open when you start to fall.
-- The Cars
Rube Walker: "Hey, Yogi, what time is it?"
Yogi Berra: "You mean now?"
They can always run stderr through uniq. :-)
-- Larry Wall in <199704012331.PAA16535@wall.org>
Bullwinkle: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit.
General: What does that make YOU?
Bullwinkle: What else? An executive.
-- Jay Ward
omnibiblious, adj.:
Indifferent to type of drink. Ex: "Oh, you can get me anything.
I'm omnibiblious."
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
To my mind, the struggle for liberty is too great and the few steps we have gained
have been won at too great a sacrifice, for the great mass of the people of this
20th century to consent to turn over to any political party the management of our
social and industrial affairs.
----+- Lucy Parsons -+----
2 + 2 = 5-ism:
Caving in to a target marketing strategy aimed at oneself after
holding out for a long period of time. "Oh, all right, I'll buy your
stupid cola. Now leave me alone."
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
Question: Is it better to abide by the rules until they're changed or
help speed the change by breaking them?
"Let me guess, Ed. Pentescostal, right?"
-- Starcap'n Ra, ra@asuvax.asu.edu

"Nope. Charismatic (I think - I've given up on what all those pesky labels
mean)."
-- Ed Carp, erc@unisec.usi.com
"Same difference - all zeal and feel, averaging less than one working brain
cell per congregation. Starcap'n Ra, you pegged him. Good work!"
-- Kenn Barry, barry@eos.UUCP
The best equipment for your work is, of course, the most expensive.
However, your neighbor is always wasting money that should be yours
by judging things by their price.
"Pull the trigger and you're garbage."
-- Lady Blue
The Czechs announced after Sputnik that they, too, would launch a satellite.
Of course, it would orbit Sputnik, not Earth!
Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
of your eyes.
"Although Poles suffer official censorship, a pervasive secret
police and laws similar to those in the USSR, there are
thousands of underground publications, a legal independent
Church, private agriculture, and the East bloc's first and only
independent trade union federation, NSZZ Solidarnosc, which is
an affiliate of both the International Confederation of Free
Trade Unions and the World Confederation of Labor. There is
literally a world of difference between Poland - even in its
present state of collapse - and Soviet society at the peak of
its "glasnost." This difference has been maintained at great
cost by the Poles since 1944.
-- David Phillips, SUNY at Buffalo, about establishing a
gateway from EARN (Eurpoean Academic Research Network)
to Poland
It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program.
What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing
thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical?
-- Alan Perlis
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
"Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity
is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.
-- Alfred North Whitehead
XIIdigitation, n.:
The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made
by deciphering the Roman numerals at the end of the credits.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
All phone calls are obscene.
-- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
"Anything else, sir?" asked the attentive bellhop, trying his best
to make the lady and gentleman comfortable in their penthouse suite in the
posh hotel.
"No. No, thank you," replied the gentleman.
"Anything for your wife, sir?" the bellhop asked.
"Why, yes, young man," said the gentleman. "Would you bring me a
postcard?"
Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing --
it requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.
-- Bernard Cooke
The following statement is not true. The previous statement is true.
... relaxed in the manner of a man who has no need to put up a front of
any kind.
-- John Ball, "Mark One: the Dummy"
Air Force Inertia Axiom:
Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
Has anyone ever tasted an "end"? Are they really bitter?
I smell a wumpus.
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
To kick or not to kick...
-- Somewhere on IRC, inspired by Shakespeare
Sometimes you get an almost irresistible urge to go on living.
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
I GUESS I'LL NEVER FORGET HER. And maybe I don't want to. Her spirit
was wild, like a wild monkey. Her beauty was like a beautiful horse
being ridden by a wild monkey. I forget her other qualities.
-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988.
Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
Be open to other people -- they may enrich your dream.
Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely,
if ever, do they forgive them.
-- Oscar Wilde
I know the disposition of women: when you will, they won't; when
you won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own inclination.
-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
"I may kid around about drugs, but really, I take them seriously."
-- Doctor Graper
I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio SLEAZEBALLS!!
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants,
today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry
Good advice is one of those insults that ought to be forgiven.
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
I cannot believe that God plays dice with the cosmos.
-- Albert Einstein, on the randomness of quantum mechanics
I think it's a little fantastic to try to form a picture in people's
minds of the Debian archive administration team huddled over their
terminals, their faces lit only by a CRT with a little root shell
prompt and the command
"/project/org/ftp.debian.org/cabal/s3kr1t/nuke-non-free.pl" all keyed
in and ready to go, their fingers poised over the enter key, a sweat of
lustful anticipated beading on their upper lips."
-- Branden Robinson in
<20031104211846.GK13131@deadbeast.net> discussing
his draft Social Contract amendment
No evil can happen to a good man.
-- Plato
Antonio Antonio
Was tired of living alonio
He thought he would woo Antonio Antonio
Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode of on his polo ponio
Miss Lucamy Lucy Molonio. And found the maid
In a bowery shade,
Sitting and knitting alonio.
Antonio Antonio
Said if you will be my ownio
I'll love tou true Oh nonio Antonio
And buy for you You're far too bleak and bonio
An icery creamry conio. And all that I wish
You singular fish
Is that you will quickly begonio.
Antonio Antonio
Uttered a dismal moanio
And went off and hid
Or I'm told that he did
In the Antartical Zonio.
"Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free
with my breakfast cereal."
-- Zaphod Beeblebrox in "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!!
... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
They told me you had proven it When they discovered our results
About a month before. Their hair began to curl
The proof was valid, more or less Instead of understanding it
But rather less than more. We'd run the thing through PRL.

He sent them word that we would try Don't tell a soul about all this
To pass where they had failed For it must ever be
And after we were done, to them A secret, kept from all the rest
The new proof would be mailed. Between yourself and me.

My notion was to start again

Ignoring all they'd done
We quickly turned it into code
To see if it would run.
Most people exhibit what political scientists call "the conservatism of the
peasantry." Don't lose what you've got. Don't change. Don't take a chance,
because you might end up starving to death. Play it safe. Buy just as much
as you need. Don't waste time.

When we think about risk, human beings and corporations realize in their
heads that risks are necessary to grow, to survive. But when it comes down
to keeping good people when the crunch comes, or investing money in
something untried, only the brave reach deep into their pockets and play
the game as it must be played.

-- David Lammers, "Yakitori", Electronic Engineering Times, January 18,

1988
You do not have mail.
The Third Law of Photography:
If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined
when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of
the dark leaks out.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't
recognize them.
I hope I'm not getting so famous that I can't think out load [sic] anymore.
-- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
We don't smoke and we don't chew, and we don't go with girls that do.
-- Walter Summers
Our little systems have their day;
They have their day and cease to be;
They are but broken lights of thee.
-- Tennyson
A manager was about to be fired, but a programmer who worked for him
invented a new program that became popular and sold well. As a result, the
manager retained his job.
The manager tried to give the programmer a bonus, but the programmer
refused it, saying, "I wrote the program because I though it was an interesting
concept, and thus I expect no reward."
 The manager, upon hearing this, remarked, "This programmer, though he
holds a position of small esteem, understands well the proper duty of an
employee. Lets promote him to the exalted position of management consultant!"
But when told this, the programmer once more refused, saying, "I exist
so that I can program. If I were promoted, I would do nothing but waste
everyone's time. Can I go now? I have a program that I'm working on."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
I just uploaded xtoolplaces-1.6. It fixes all bugs but one: It still
coredumps instead of doing something useful. The upstream author's
e-mail address bounces, Redhat doesn't provide it and I never used it.
-- Sven Rudolph <sr1@os.inf.tu-dresden.de>
Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas.
Only those who leisurely approach that which the masses are busy about
can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.
-- Lao Tsu
Never will the anarchists in Spain be made to suffer as they have been and are in
Russia.
----+- Frederica Montseny -+----
<doogie> there is one bad thing about having a cell phone.
<doogie> I can be reached at any time. :|
<wmono> that's why I leave mine off at all times. ;>
After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
on the bench.
Slous' Contention:
If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it.
... but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be
proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge
to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than
the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If
there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute
of value.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
The adjuration to be "normal" seems shockingly repellent to me; I see neither
hope nor comfort in sinking to that low level. I think it is ignorance that
makes people think of abnormality only with horror and allows them to remain
undismayed at the proximity of "normal" to average and mediocre. For surely
anyone who achieves anything is, essentially, abnormal.
-- Dr. Karl Menninger, "The Human Mind", 1930
Q: What does it say on the bottom of Coke cans in North Dakota?
A: Open other end.
"You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a plowshare,
your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture"
-- Business Professor, University of Georgia
Obviously the subject of death was in the air, but more as something
to be avoided than harped upon.
Possibly the horror that Zaphod experienced at the prospect of being
reunited with his deceased relatives led on to the thought that they might
just feel the same way about him and, what's more, be able to do something
about helping to postpone this reunion.
-- Douglas Adams
Work is of two kinds: first, altering the position of matter at or near
the earth's surface relative to other matter; second, telling other people
to do so.
-- Bertrand Russell
That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they
really hate is lousy programmers.
 -- Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of Fealty"
page 46
...a report citing a study by Dr. Thomas C. Chalmers, of the Mount Sinai
Medical Center in New York, which compared two groups that were being used
to test the theory that ascorbic acid is a cold preventative. "The group
on placebo who thought they were on ascorbic acid," says Dr. Chalmers,
"had fewer colds than the group on ascorbic acid who thought they were
on placebo."
page 56
The placebo is proof that there is no real separation between mind and body.
Illness is always an interaction between both. It can begin in the mind and
affect the body, or it can begin in the body and affect the mind, both of
which are served by the same bloodstream. Attempts to treat most mental
diseases as though they were completely free of physical causes and attempts
to treat most bodily diseases as though the mind were in no way involved must
be considered archaic in the light of new evidence about the way the human
body functions.
-- Norman Cousins,
"Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient"
Poverty Jet Set:
A group of people given to chronic traveling at the expense of
long-term job stability or a permanent residence. Tend to have doomed
and extremely expensive phone-call relationships with people named
Serge or Ilyana. Tend to discuss frequent-flyer programs at parties.
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
They make revolutionary propaganda because they know the privileged class can never
be overturned peacefully.
----+- Johann Most -+----
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
-- Mark Twain
Shah, shah! Ayatollah you so!
Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
In practice, failures in system development, like unemployment in Russia,
happens a lot despite official propaganda to the contrary.
-- Paul Licker
marriage, n.:
Convertible bonds.
I don't care where I sit as long as I get fed.
-- Calvin Trillin
Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
specification is that it should run noiselessly.
A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS:

1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT.

Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose
valuable scientific objectivity.

2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES.

Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the
gentleness and reassurance he can get.

3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
What the hell is it good for?
-- Robert Lloyd (engineer of the Advanced Computing Systems
Division of IBM), to colleagues who insisted that the
microprocessor was the wave of the future, c. 1968
"It ain't over until it's over."
 -- Casey Stengel
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin
with, that it's compounding a felony.
-- Robert Benchley
For thirty years a certain man went to spend every evening with Mme. ___.
When his wife died his friends believed he would marry her, and urged
him to do so. "No, no," he said: "if I did, where should I have to
spend my evenings?"
-- Chamfort
life, n.:
A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
DEC diagnostics would run on a dead whale.
-- Mel Ferentz
In the beginning was the Tao. The Tao gave birth to Space and Time.
Therefore, Space and Time are the Yin and Yang of programming.

Programmers that do not comprehend the Tao are always running out of
time and space for their programs. Programmers that comprehend the Tao always
have enough time and space to accomplish their goals.
How could it be otherwise?
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
Dictatorship, whether it is a hydra with a hundred heads or a hundred tails,
whether they are autocratic or demagogic, can certainly do nothing for liberty: it
can only perpetuate slavery, morally and physically.
----+- Joseph Dejacque -+----
What ever happened to happily ever after?
"I don't know why, but first C programs tend to look a lot worse than
first programs in any other language (maybe except for fortran, but then
I suspect all fortran programs look like `firsts')"
(By Olaf Kirch)
I consider the day misspent that I am not either charged with a crime,
or arrested for one.
-- "Ratsy" Tourbillon
May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is ignorant. Teach him.
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep. Wake him.
You can't break eggs without making an omelet.
When the people are being beaten with a stick, they are not much happier if it is
called "the People's Stick."
----+- Mikhail Bakunin -+----
"And they told us, what they wanted...
Was a sound that could kill some-one, from a distance." -- Kate Bush
Ethnomagnetism:
The tendency of young people to live in emotionally
demonstrative, more unrestrained ethnic neighborhoods: "You wouldn't
understand it there, mother -- they *hug* where I live now."
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
How many weeks are there in a light year?
fortune: cannot execute. Out of cookies.
She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
-- Mae West
Apply only to affected area.
Maintainer's Motto:
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
I believe that part of what propels science is the thirst for wonder. It's a
very powerful emotion. All children feel it. In a first grade classroom
everybody feels it; in a twelfth grade classroom almost nobody feels it, or
at least acknowledges it. Something happens between first and twelfth grade,
and it's not just puberty. Not only do the schools and the media not teach
much skepticism, there is also little encouragement of this stirring sense
of wonder. Science and pseudoscience both arouse that feeling. Poor
popularizations of science establish an ecological niche for pseudoscience.
-- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol.
12, Fall 87
Disillusioned words like bullets bark,
As human gods aim for their mark,
Make everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored christs that glow in the dark.
It's easy to see without looking too far
That not much is really sacred.
-- Bob Dylan
The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
A friend of mine won't get a divorce, because he hates lawyers more than he
hates his wife.
While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.
-- Dean Rusk
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
you're growing into.
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be
sorry.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Peterson's Admonition:
When you think you're going down for the third time --
just remember that you may have counted wrong.
Offer may end without notice.
Shirley MacLaine died today in a freak psychic collision today. Two freaks
in a van [Oh no!! It's the Copyright Police!!] Her aura-charred body was
laid to rest after a eulogy by Jackie Collins, fellow member of SAFE [Society
of Asinine Flake Entertainers]. Excerpted from some of his more quotable
comments:

"Truly a woman of the times. These times, those times..."

"A Renaissance woman. Why in 1432..."
"A man for all seasons. Really..."

After the ceremony, Shirley thanked her mourners and explained how delightful
it was to "get it together" again, presumably referring to having her now dead
body join her long dead brain.
Orders subject to approval.
Impartiality

Who understands does not preach;

Who preaches does not understand.
Reserve your judgments and words;
Smooth differences and forgive disagreements;
Dull your wit and simplify your purpose;
Accept the world.
Then,
Friendship and enmity,
Profit and loss,
Honour and disgrace,
Will not affect you;
The world will accept you.
-- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"
If we all work together, we can totally disrupt the system.
Cum tacent, clamant. When they are silent, they shout. -Cicero
The opossum is a very sophisticated animal. It doesn't even get up
until 5 or 6 PM.
If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of
rubbish into it.
-- William Orton
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Norbert Weiner was the subject of many dotty professor stories. Weiner was, in
fact, very absent minded. The following story is told about him: when they
moved from Cambridge to Newton his wife, knowing that he would be absolutely
useless on the move, packed him off to MIT while she directed the move. Since
she was certain that he would forget that they had moved and where they had
moved to, she wrote down the new address on a piece of paper, and gave it to
him. Naturally, in the course of the day, an insight occurred to him. He
reached in his pocket, found a piece of paper on which he furiously scribbled
some notes, thought it over, decided there was a fallacy in his idea, and
threw the piece of paper away. At the end of the day he went home (to the
old address in Cambridge, of course). When he got there he realized that they
had moved, that he had no idea where they had moved to, and that the piece of
paper with the address was long gone. Fortunately inspiration struck. There
was a young girl on the street and he conceived the idea of asking her where
he had moved to, saying, "Excuse me, perhaps you know me. I'm Norbert Weiner
and we've just moved. Would you know where we've moved to?" To which the
young girl replied, "Yes, Daddy, Mommy thought you would forget."
The capper to the story is that I asked his daughter (the girl in the
story) about the truth of the story, many years later. She said that it wasn't
quite true -- that he never forgot who his children were! The rest of it,
however, was pretty close to what actually happened...
-- Richard Harter
"You are WRONG, you ol' brass-breasted fascist poop!"
-- Bloom County
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
-- Aristotle
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my
life there.
The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first
female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my
career.
-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
Don't despise your poor relations, they may become suddenly rich one day.
-- Josh Billings
Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag. Let me, then, straightforwardly
state the thesis I shall now elaborate: Making variations on a theme is
really the crux of creativity.
-- Douglas R. Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
Is anarchism possible? The failure of attempts to attain freedom does not mean the
cause is lost.
----+- Johann Most -+----
Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll
through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her. "Maiden," croaked the
frog, "would you do me a favor? This will be hard for you to believe, but
I was once a handsome, charming prince and then a mean, ugly old witch cast
a spell over me and turned me into a frog."
 "Oh, what a pity!", exclaimed the girl. "I'll do anything I can to
help you break such a spell."
"Well," replied the frog, "the only way that this spell can be
taken away is for some lovely young woman to take me home and let me spend
the night under her pillow."
The young girl took the ugly frog home and placed him beneath her
pillow that night when she retired. When she awoke the next morning, sure
enough, there beside her in bed was a very young, handsome man, clearly of
royal blood. And so they lived happily ever after, except that to this day
her father and mother still don't believe her story.
Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?
A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.
Positive, adj.:
Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
I am not an Economist. I am an honest man!
-- Paul McCracken
People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the
future.
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
-- Daniel J. Boorstin
Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!
So... did you ever wonder, do garbagemen take showers before they go to work?
This is a logical analogy too... anyone who's been around, knows the world is
run by paenguins. Always a paenguin behind the curtain, really getting things
done. And paenguins in politics--who can deny it?
-- Kevin M. Bealer, commenting on the penguin Linux logo
When in panic, fear and doubt,
Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.
Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.
-- A Yippie Proverb
Iles's Law:
There is always an easier way to do it. When looking directly
at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
Neither will Iles.
"... all the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned
products, if they are built at all, are dogs!"
-- David E. Lundstrom, "A Few Good Men From Univac",
MIT Press, 1987
Do, or do not; there is no try.
Anarchy is the obliteration of property.
----+- Ravachol -+----
Assume a virtue, if you have it not. -William Shakespeare
What we do not understand we do not possess.
-- Goethe
F: When into a room I plunge, I
Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI.
Then I linger, darkly brooding
On the poison they're exuding.
-- The Roguelet's ABC
"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."
Don't let nobody tell you what you cannot do;
don't let nobody tell you what's impossible for you;
don't let nobody tell you what you got to do,
or you'll never know ... what's on the other side of the rainbow...
remember, if you don't follow your dreams,
you'll never know what's on the other side of the rainbow...
-- melba moore, "the other side of the rainbow"
Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity.
Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.
-- Joe Orton, "Loot"
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Calm down, it's *____####only* ones and zeroes.
I always choose my friends for their good looks and my enemies for their
good intellects. Man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies.
-- Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from
one graveyard to another.
-- J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England"
Windows Airlines:
The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants all very attractive, the
pilots very capable. The fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense.
Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000
feet it explodes without warning.
"I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but don't
let appearances fool you. I'm approaching old age ... at the speed of light."
-- Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
"Nine years of ballet, asshole."
-- Shelly Long, to the bad guy after making a jump over a gorge that he
couldn't quite, in "Outrageous Fortune"
<Flood> can I write a unix-like kernel in perl?
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
-- Ambrose Bierce
Although it is still a truism in industry that "no one was ever fired for
buying IBM," Bill O'Neil, the chief technology officer at Drexel Burnham
Lambert, says he knows for a fact that someone has been fired for just that
reason. He knows it because he fired the guy.
"He made a bad decision, and what it came down to was, 'Well, I
bought it because I figured it was safe to buy IBM,'" Mr. O'Neil says.
"I said, 'No. Wrong. Game over. Next contestant, please.'"
-- The Wall Street Journal, December 6, 1989
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.
-- Steven Wright
There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.
<Flood> can I write a unix-like kernel in perl?
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
Those who sweat in flames of hell, Leaden eared, some thought their bowels
Here's the reason that they fell: Lispeth forth the sweetest vowels.
While on earth they prayed in SAS, These they offered up in praise
PL/1, or other crass, Thinking all this fetid haze
Vulgar tongue. A rapsody sung.

Some the lord did sorely try Jabber of the mindless horde
Assembling all their pleas in hex. Sequel next did mock the lord
Speech as crabbed as devil's crable Slothful sequel so enfangled
Hex that marked on Tower Babel Its speaker's lips became entangled
The highest rung. In his bung.

Because in life they prayed so ill

And offered god such swinish swill
Now they sweat in flames of hell
Sweat from lack of APL
Sweat dung!
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones,
as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.
-- La Rochefoucauld
Fat Liberation: because a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
XI:
If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would
get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty
times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all
the managers would fly off.
XII:
It costs a lot to build bad products.
XIII:
There are many highly successful businesses in the United States.
There are also many highly paid executives. The policy is not to
intermingle the two.
XIV:
After the year 2015, there will be no airplane crashes. There will
be no takeoffs either, because electronics will occupy 100 percent
of every airplane's weight.
XV:
The last 10 percent of performance generates one-third of the cost
and two-thirds of the problems.
-- Norman Augustine
Three Midwesterners, a Kansan, a Missourian and an Iowan,
all appearing on a quiz program, were asked to complete this sentence:
"Old MacDonald had a . . ."

"Old MacDonald had a carburetor," answered the Kansan.

"Sorry, that's wrong," the game show host said.
"Old MacDonald had a free brake alignment down at the
service station," said the Missourian.
"Wrong."
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the Iowan.
"CORRECT!" shouts the quizmaster. "Now for $100,000, spell 'farm.'"
"Easy," said the Iowan. "E-I-E-I-O."
We have some absolutely irrefutable statistics to show exactly why
you are so tired.
There are not as many people actually working as you may have thought.
The population of this country is 200 million. 84 million are over
60 years of age, which leaves 116 million to do the work. People under 20
years of age total 75 million, which leaves 41 million to do the work.
There are 22 million who are employed by the government, which leaves
19 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Services, which
leaves 15 million to do the work. Deduct 14,800,000, the number in the state
and city offices, leaving 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in
hospitals, insane asylums, etc., so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now it may interest you to know that there are 11,998 people in jail,
so that leaves just 2 people to carry the load. That is you and me, and
brother, I'm getting tired of doing everything myself!
Nobody suffers the pain of birth or the anguish of loving a child in order
for presidents to make wars, for governments to feed on the substance of
their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young and rob the old.
-- Lewis Lapham
Hit them biscuits with another touch of gravy,
Burn that sausage just a match or two more done.
Pour my black old coffee longer,
While that smell is gettin' stronger
A semi-meal ain't nuthin' much to want.

Loan me ten, I got a feelin' it'll save me,

With an ornery soul who don't shoot pool for fun,
If that coat'll fit you're wearin',
The Lord'll bless your sharin'
A semi-friend ain't nuthin' much to want.

And let me halfway fall in love,

For part of a lonely night,
With a semi-pretty woman in my arms.
Yes, I could halfway fall in deep--
Into a snugglin', lovin' heap,
With a semi-pretty woman in my arms.
-- Elroy Blunt
I simply try to aid in letting the light of historical truth into that
decaying mass of outworn thought which attaches the modern world to
medieval conceptions of Christianity, and which still lingers among us --
a most serious barrier to religion and morals, and a menace to the whole
normal evolution of society.
-- Andrew D. White, author, first president of Cornell University, 1896
QOTD:
Flash! Flash! I love you! ...but we only have fourteen hours to
save the earth!
We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub ...
Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls...
if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.
-- Phaedrus
If your object is to secure liberty, you must learn to do without authority and
compulsion.
----+- Alexander Berkman -+----
James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
-- Tom Stoppard
If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible.
We're offering a substantial reward. He's a sable collie, with three legs,
blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his
tail. He's been recently fixed. Answers to "Lucky".
List was current at time of printing.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Fiery energy lanced out, but the beams struck an intangible wall between
the Gubru and the rapidly turning Earth ship.

"Water!" it shrieked as it read the spectral report. "A barrier of water

vapor! A civilized race could not have found such a trick in the Library!
A civilized race could not have stooped so low! A civilized race would not
have..."

It screamed as the Gubru ship hit a cloud of drifting snowflakes.

-- Startide Rising, by David Brin

For the sake of argument I'll ignore all your fighting words.
-- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org>
I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the
whole field to private industry.
 -- Joseph Heller
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte, "Maxims"
After watching my newly-retired dad spend two weeks learning how to make a new
folder, it became obvious that "intuitive" mostly means "what the writer or
speaker of intuitive likes".
(Bruce Ediger, bediger@teal.csn.org, in comp.os.linux.misc, on X the
intuitiveness of a Mac interface.)
Who loves not wisely but too well
Will look on Helen's face in hell,
But he whose love is thin and wise
Will view John Knox in Paradise.
-- Dorothy Parker
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write
faster than anybody who can write better.
-- A. J. Liebling
One organism, one vote.
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
He who negates present society, and seeks social conditions based on the sharing of
property, is a revolutionary whether he calls himself an anarchist or a communist.
----+- Johann Most -+----
Marxist Law of Distribution of Wealth:
Shortages will be divided equally among the peasants.
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-- O'Henry
"To undertake a project, as the word's derivation indicates, means to cast an
idea out ahead of oneself so that it gains autonomy and is fulfilled not only
by the efforts of its originator but, indeed, independently of him as well.
-- Czeslaw Milosz
By the yard, life is hard.
By the inch, it's a cinch.
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
Owe no man any thing...
-- Romans 13:8
"Hey Ivan, check your six."
-- Sidewinder missile jacket patch, showing a Sidewinder driving up the tail
of a Russian Su-27
"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
-- D. Letterman
Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.
-- Jim Samuels
If revolution results only in a change of dictatorship, then it is hardly worth
while.
----+- Emma Goldman -+----
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
You fill a much-needed gap.
I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven.
A is for Apple.
-- Hester Pryne
Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students
who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize
it in order to protect themselves.
-- Lenny Bruce
Q: Know what the difference between your latest project
and putting wings on an elephant is?
A: Who knows? The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
Egotism, n:
Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
Egotist, n:
A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#if _FP_W_TYPE_SIZE < 64
#error "Only stud muffins allowed, schmuck."
#endif
-- linux/arch/sparc64/quad.c
If we see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's the light of an
oncoming train.
-- Robert Lowell
Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig my grave and let me lie,
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And laid me down with a will,
And this be the verse that you grave for me,
Here he lies where he longed to be,
Home is the sailor home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.
-- Robert Loius Stevenson, "Requiem"
An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed the Managing Director's
chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the
Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone
who has seen the Managing Director face on).
-- Katherine Whitehorn, "Roundabout"
People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
-- Abigail Van Buren
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
"This is the element_data structure for elements whose *element_type =
FORM_TYPE_SELECT_ONE, FORM_TYPE_SELECT_MULT. */ /* * nesting deeper
and deeper, harder and harder, go, go, oh, OH, OHHHHH!! * Sorry, got
carried away there. */ struct lo_FormElementOptionData_struct."
-- Mozilla source code
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Most public domain software is free, at least at first glance.
"Survey says..."
-- Richard Dawson, weenie, on "Family Feud"
We are governed not by armies and police but by ideas.
-- Mona Caird, 1892
Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.
-- Michelangelo
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
-- George Bernard Shaw
If I love you, what business is it of yours?
-- Johann van Goethe
Nature abhors a virgin -- a frozen asset.
-- Clare Booth Luce
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
-- Steven Wright
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
Humor in th Court:
Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit
raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties.
-- H. L. Mencken, "Prejudice"
Retirement means that when someone says "Have a nice day", you
actually have a shot at it.
(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
(2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts.
(3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
(4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as
the social ramble ain't restful.
(5) Avoid running at all times.
(6) Don't look back, something might be gaining on you.
-- S. Paige, c. 1951
If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: for whose amusement?
"Plastic gun. Ingenious. More coffee, please."
-- The Phantom comics
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.
-- Fran Lebowitz
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving
wordy evidence of the fact.
-- George Eliot
If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me. -Samuel
Goldwyn
Since before the Earth was formed and before the sun burned hot in space,
cosmic forces of inexorable power have been working relentlessly toward
this moment in space-time -- your receiving this fortune.
There was once a programmer who worked upon microprocessors. "Look at
how well off I am here," he said to a mainframe programmer who came to visit,
"I have my own operating system and file storage device. I do not have to
share my resources with anyone. The software is self-consistent and
easy-to-use. Why do you not quit your present job and join me here?"
The mainframe programmer then began to describe his system to his
friend, saying: "The mainframe sits like an ancient sage meditating in the
midst of the data center. Its disk drives lie end-to-end like a great ocean
of machinery. The software is a multi-faceted as a diamond and as convoluted
as a primeval jungle. The programs, each unique, move through the system
like a swift-flowing river. That is why I am happy where I am."
The microcomputer programmer, upon hearing this, fell silent. But the
two programmers remained friends until the end of their days.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency.
-- Alan Turing
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson
White's Statement:
Don't lose heart!

Owen's Commentary on White's Statement:

...they might want to cut it out...

Byrd's Addition to Owen's Commentary:

...and they want to avoid a lengthy search.
Shading within a garment may occur.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
"Just think, with VLSI we can have 100 ENIACS on a chip!"
-- Alan Perlis
"Those who believe in astrology are living in houses with foundations of
Silly Putty."
-- Dennis Rawlins, astronomer
Marigold: Jealousy
Mint: Virtue
Orange blossom: Your purity equals your loveliness
Orchid: Beauty, magnificence
Pansy: Thoughts
Peach blossom: I am your captive
Petunia: Your presence soothes me
Poppy: Sleep
Rose, any color: Love
Rose, deep red: Bashful shame
Rose, single, pink: Simplicity
Rose, thornless, any: Early attachment
Rose, white: I am worthy of you
Rose, yellow: Decrease of love, rise of jealousy
Rosebud, white: Girlhood, and a heart ignorant of love
Rosemary: Remembrance
Sunflower: Haughtiness
Tulip, red: Declaration of love
Tulip, yellow: Hopeless love
Violet, blue: Faithfulness
Violet, white: Modesty
Zinnia: Thoughts of absent friends
* An upside-down blossom reverses the meaning.
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
-- Quintus Ennius
Even historians fail to learn from history -- they repeat the same mistakes.
-- John Gill, "Patterns of Force", stardate 2534.7
sillema sillema nika su
Them as has, gets.
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
Be valiant, but not too venturous.
Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
-- John Lyly
Everybody but Sam had signed up for a new company pension plan that
called for a small employee contribution. The company was paying all
the rest. Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed;
otherwise the plan was off. Sam's boss and his fellow workers pleaded
and cajoled, but to no avail. Sam said the plan would never pay off.
Finally the company president called Sam into his office.
"Sam," he said, "here's a copy of the new pension plan and here's
a pen. I want you to sign the papers. I'm sorry, but if you don't sign,
you're fired. As of right now."
Sam signed the papers immediately.
"Now," said the president, "would you mind telling me why you
couldn't have signed earlier?"
"Well, sir," replied Sam, "nobody explained it to me quite so
clearly before."
It is a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if
they're attractive in some way.
-- McCoy, "The Trouble with Tribbles", stardate 4525.6
Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX.
-- Stephan Zielinski
Staff meeting in the conference room in %d minutes.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
-- C. P. Snow
When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
-- Voltaire
PIZZA!!
"An honest god is the noblest work of man. ... God has always resembled his
creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably
found on the side of those in power. ... Most of the gods were pleased with
sacrifice, and the smell of innocent blood has ever been considered a divine
perfume."
-- Robert G. Ingersoll
Never buy from a rich salesman.
-- Goldenstern
QOTD:
"Who? Me? No, no, NO!! But I do sell rugs."
All your files have been destroyed (sorry). Paul.
For gin, in cruel
Sober truth,
Supplies the fuel
For flaming youth.
-- Noel Coward
Putt's Law:
Technology is dominated by two types of people:
Those who understand what they do not manage.
Those who manage what they do not understand.
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
-- Lazarus Long
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at
which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
-- Quentin Crisp
I *____####knew* I had some reason for not logging you off... If I could just
remember what it was.
Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It
eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
-- Johnny Hart
Eating chocolate is like being in love without the aggravation.
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
-- Christopher Morley
"It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even
*I* don't know how it works!"
-- from Ralph Bakshi's Mighty Mouse
Peace is much more precious than a piece of land... let there be no more wars.
-- Mohammed Anwar Sadat, 1918-1981
There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Brain off-line, please wait.
One man's Mede is another man's Persian.
-- George M. Cohan
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
-- Mark Twain
Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being
that a belch is more satisfying.
-- Ingmar Bergman
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Q: Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A: To impress Jodie Foster.
"Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same
entropy to create bugs instead?"
-- Steve Elias
Children are like cats, they can tell when you don't like them. That's
when they come over and violate your body space.
Finagle's Seventh Law:
The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will
be sold.
The Great Movie Posters:

POWERFUL! SHOCKING! RAW! ROUGH! CHALLENGING! SEE A LITTLE GIRL MOLESTED!

-- Never Take Candy from a Stranger (1963)

She Sins in Mobile --

Marries in Houston --
Loses Her Baby in Dallas --
Leaves Her Husband in Tuscon --
MEETS HARRU IN SAN DIEGO!...
FIRST -- HARLOW!
THEN -- MONROE!
NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!!
-- The Rotten Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan

*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!

A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!! MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY!
-- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964) (Alternate Title:
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and
Became Mixed Up Zombies)
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast is a
camel's behind.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
I wouldn't marry her with a ten foot pole.
For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in
despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the
implacable grandeur of this life.
-- Albert Camus
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through
any of its streets.
Boucher's Observation:
He who blows his own horn always plays the music
several octaves higher than originally written.
One of the questions that comes up all the time is: How enthusiastic
is our support for UNIX?
Unix was written on our machines and for our machines many years ago.
Today, much of UNIX being done is done on our machines. Ten percent of our
VAXs are going for UNIX use. UNIX is a simple language, easy to understand,
easy to get started with. It's great for students, great for somewhat casual
users, and it's great for interchanging programs between different machines.
And so, because of its popularity in these markets, we support it. We have
good UNIX on VAX and good UNIX on PDP-11s.
It is our belief, however, that serious professional users will run
out of things they can do with UNIX. They'll want a real system and will end
up doing VMS when they get to be serious about programming.
With UNIX, if you're looking for something, you can easily and quickly
check that small manual and find out that it's not there. With VMS, no matter
what you look for -- it's literally a five-foot shelf of documentation -- if
you look long enough it's there. That's the difference -- the beauty of UNIX
is it's simple; and the beauty of VMS is that it's all there.
-- Ken Olsen, president of DEC, DECWORLD Vol. 8 No. 5, 1984
[It's been argued that the beauty of UNIX is the same as the beauty of Ken
Olsen's brain. Ed.]
If the very old will remember, the very young will listen.
 -- Chief Dan George
Sweet sixteen is beautiful Bess,
And her voice is changing -- from "No" to "Yes".
The alarm clock that is louder than God's own belongs to the roommate with
the earliest class.
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while
the policeman searches you.
Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.
-- Thomas Tusser
May not be reproduced, in whole or in part, by any means, mechanical or
electronic, except for brief excerpts for the purpose of inclusion in reviews.
Like punning, programming is a play on words.
You can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it too.
-- Ayn Rand
Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
<KnaraKat> DalNet is like the special olympics of IRC. There's a lot of
drooling goin' on and everyone is a 'winner'.
(1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
(2) Great generals are forewarned.
(3) Forewarned is forearmed.
(4) Four is an even number.
(5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
(6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
Therefore, all horses are black.
If only you knew she loved you, you could face the uncertainty of
whether you love her.