Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.

Concept, n.:
Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
$25,000.
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
08/25/2007 - The Windows Genuine Advantage servers went down worldwide,
marking any Windows machines as pirated during Microsoft's server outage.
Meanwhile, the Linux Genuine Advantage™ activation server was up the whole
time. Truly another victory for Open Source software! Microsoft, contact us if
you'd like to license Linux Genuine Advantage™, we'd love to enter into a
lucrative licensing agreement. With the money you save, you could put the WGA
programmers onto other tasks, like improving Vista!

02/03/2007 - The Linux Genuine Advantage™ crack is spreading! Someone uploaded

it to The Pirate Bay! Looks like it's time to get more involved in Swedish
politics from across the globe!

02/02/2007 - Linux Genuine Advantage™ has been cracked by computer hackers!

Rather than improving our software, we'll be sending our team of intimidating
lawyers to pay them a visit.

-- Linux Genuine Advantage ( http://www.linuxgenuineadvantage.org/ )

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Attributed)

-- Mohandas Gandhi's Quotes ( http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi )
From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving,
Whatever gods may be,
That no life lives forever,
That dead men rise up never,
That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
-- Swinburne
I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to
read, so I got flip-ups.
-- Steven Wright
Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner.
-- Calvin Keegan
Hindsight is an exact science.
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
Vanilla wafer.
Now is the time for drinking; now the time to beat the earth with
unfettered foot.
-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.
-- S. J. Perelman
sugar daddy, n.:
A man who can afford to raise cain.
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
Underdogging:
The tendency to almost invariably side with the underdog in a
given situation. The consumer expression of this trait is the
purchasing of less successful, "sad," or failing products: "I know
these Vienna franks are heart failure on a stick, but they were so sad
looking up against all the other yuppie food items that I just had to
buy them."
 -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #14:
Sometimes the quickest way to find profits is to let them find you.
-- Fortune of War (TTN novel)
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
"Card readers? We don't need no stinking card readers."
-- Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciences, 1965, in a
particularly vivid fantasy)
Top Ten Differences If Thomas Jefferson Behaved Like Eric Raymond During
the American Revolution

2. The preamble to the Constitution would say, "We the pragmatists of the
Open States of America, in order to foster the production of higher
quality tea and tobacco..."

5. The phrases "the right to bear arms shall not be infringed" and "Geeks
With Guns" would be plastered throughout the O.S.A. Constitution.

9. Instead of Congress, the "Open States Institute" board of directors

would make all of the national legislative decisions.

10. Raymond, New Hampshire would be the home of the O.S.A. capitol.
This bag is recyclable.
... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
On the subject of C program indentation:
"In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented
six feet downward and covered with dirt."
-- Blair P. Houghton
I watch television because you don't know what it will do if you leave it
in the room alone.
Swap read error. You lose your mind.
The only solution is ... a balance of power. We arm our side with exactly
that much more. A balance of power -- the trickiest, most difficult,
dirtiest game of them all. But the only one that preserves both sides.
-- Kirk, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8
You don't have to be nice to people on the way up if you're not planning on
coming back down.
-- Oliver Warbucks, "Annie"
Say many of cameras focused t'us,
Our middle-aged shots do us justice.
No justice, please, curse ye!
We really want mercy:
You see, 'tis the justice, disgusts us.
-- Thomas H. Hildebrandt
It's documented in The Book, somewhere...
-- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
Impartial, adj.:
Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
conflicting opinions.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Sendmail may be safely run set-user-id to root.
-- Eric Allman, "Sendmail Installation Guide"
Positively no smoking.
I woke up a feelin' mean
went down to play the slot machine
the wheels turned round,
and the letters read
"Better head back to Tennessee Jed"
-- Grateful Dead
Double Bucky, you're the one,
You make my keyboard so much fun,
Double Bucky, an additional bit or two, (Vo-vo-de-o)
Control and meta, side by side,
Augmented ASCII, 9 bits wide!
Double Bucky, a half a thousand glyphs, plus a few!

Oh, I sure wish that I,

Had a couple of bits more!
Perhaps a set of pedals to make the number of bits four.

Double Double Bucky! Double Bucky left and right

OR'd together, outta sight!
Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of,
Double Bucky, I'm happy I heard of,
Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of you!
-- to Nicholas Wirth, who suggested that an extra bit
be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use
by screen editors. [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"]
I would trade all of my technology for an afternoon with Socrates.
-- Steve Jobs (1955-2011)
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
And miles to go before I sleep.
-- Robert Frost
QOTD:
"Every morning I read the obituaries; if my name's not there,
I go to work."
We have art that we do not die of the truth.
-- Nietzsche
UNIX is hot. It's more than hot. It's steaming. It's quicksilver
lightning with a laserbeam kicker.
-- Michael Jay Tucker
In the early morning queue,
With a listing in my hand.
With a worry in my heart, There on terminal number 9,
Waitin' here in CERAS-land. Pascal run all set to go.
I'm a long way from sleep, But I'm waitin' in the queue,
How I miss a good meal so. With this code that ever grows.
In the early mornin' queue, Now the lobby chairs are soft,
With no place to go. But that can't make the queue move fast.
Hey, there it goes my friend,
I've moved up one at last.
-- Ernest Adams, "Early Morning Queue", to "Early
Morning Rain" by G. Lightfoot
Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens
to you.
-- Aldous Huxley
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely
get your Feet wet. Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face.
-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
Win95 - Wow!
Win98 - Oh
WinMe - Ow!
Win2k - Oooh
WinXp - Meh
Vista - Doh!

This mono-syllabic review brought to you by the letter 'W' and the number '7'

-- fretinator
-- I can't imagine saying "oh, wow!" about ( )
Pittsburgh driver's test

(5) Your car's horn is a vital piece of safety equipment. How often should
you test it?

(a) once a year.

(b) once a month.
(c) once a day.
(d) once an hour.

The correct answer is (d). You should test your car's horn at least once
every hour, and more often at night or in residential neighborhoods.
If God were a villain - he'd be me.
-- Benedict in https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Last_Action_Hero
Bradyism:
A multisibling sensibility derived from having grown up in
large families. A rarity in those born after approximately 1965,
symptoms of Bradyism include a facility for mind games, emotional
withdrawal in situations of overcrowding, and a deeply felt need for a
well-defined personal space.
-- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
Culture"
Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.
People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
-- Abigail Van Buren
Encyclopedia Salesmen:
Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police
and tell them your house is being burgled.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
Consultant, n.:
[From con "to defraud, dupe, swindle," or, possibly, French con
(vulgar) "a person of little merit" + sult elliptical form of
"insult."] A tipster disguised as an oracle, especially one who
has learned to decamp at high speed in spite of a large briefcase
and heavy wallet.
We all know Linux is great...it does infinite loops in 5 seconds.

-- Linus Torvalds
Fess: Well, you must admit there is something innately humorous about
a man chasing an invention of his own halfway across the galaxy.
Rod: Oh yeah, it's a million yuks, sure. But after all, isn't that the
basic difference between robots and humans?
Fess: What, the ability to form imaginary constructs?
Rod: No, the ability to get hung up on them.
-- Christopher Stasheff, "The Warlock in Spite of Himself"
I can mend the break of day, heal a broken heart, and provide temporary
relief to nymphomaniacs.
-- Larry Lee
> > Other than the fact Linux has a cool name, could someone explain why I
> > should use Linux over BSD?
>
> No. That's it. The cool name, that is. We worked very hard on
> creating a name that would appeal to the majority of people, and it
> certainly paid off: thousands of people are using linux just to be able
> to say "OS/2? Hah. I've got Linux. What a cool name". 386BSD made the
> mistake of putting a lot of numbers and weird abbreviations into the
> name, and is scaring away a lot of people just because it sounds too
> technical.
-- Linus Torvalds' follow-up to a question about Linux
When people say nothing, they don't necessarily mean nothing.
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.
Got a dictionary? I want to know the meaning of life.
I think for the most part that the readership here uses the c-word in
a similar fashion. I don't think anybody really believes in a new, revolution-
ary literature --- I think they use `cyberpunk' as a term of convenience to
discuss the common stylistic elements in a small subset of recent sf books.
-- Jeff G. Bone
Poverty begins at home.
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *awful*.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
-- Franklin P. Jones
I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis
socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think
you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude. I'm a
very technical boy. So I decided to get as crude as possible. These days,
though, you have to be pretty technical before you can even aspire to
crudeness.
-- Johnny Mnemonic, by William Gibson
Hack placidly amidst the noisy printers and remember what prizes there
may be in Science. As fast as possible get a good terminal on a good system.
Enter your data clearly but always encrypt your results. And listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant, for they may be your customers. Avoid loud and
aggressive persons, for they are sales reps.
If you compare your outputs with those of others, you may be surprised,
for always there will be greater and lesser numbers than you have crunched.
Keep others interested in your career, and try not to fumble; it can be a real
hassle and could change your fortunes in time.
Exercise system control in your experiments, for the world is full of
bugs. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive
for linearity and everywhere papers are full of approximations. Strive for
proportionality. Especially, do not faint when it occurs. Neither be cyclical
about results; for in the face of all data analysis it is sure to be noticed.
Take with a grain of salt the anomalous data points. Gracefully pass
them on to the youth at the next desk. Nurture some mutual funds to shield
you in times of sudden layoffs. But do not distress yourself with imaginings
-- the real bugs are enough to screw you badly. Murphy's Law runs the
Universe -- and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt <Curl>B*n dS = 0.
Therefore, grab for a piece of the pie, with whatever proposals you
can conceive of to try. With all the crashed disks, skewed data, and broken
line printers, you can still have a beautiful secretary. Be linear. Strive
to stay employed.
-- Technolorata, "Analog"
Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune
of "Camptown Races". Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to
listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating."
-- Boss Tweed
Linux: the choice of a GNU generation
 -- ksh@cis.ufl.edu put this on Tshirts in '93
It's documented in The Book, somewhere...
-- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
"You tweachewous miscweant!"
-- Elmer Fudd
IRQ dropout
I think that's easier to read. Pardon me. Less difficult to read.
-- Larry Wall in <199710120226.TAA06867@wall.org>
"The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet
themes in American advertising, lodged an official protest this week against
the Ford Motor Company's new campaign: `Hey you stinking fat Russian, get
off my Ford Escort.'"
-- Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
If the future navigation system [for interactive networked services on
the NII] looks like something from Microsoft, it will never work.
-- Chairman of Walt Disney Television & Telecommunications
Why are you doing this to me?
Because knowledge is torture, and there must be awareness before
there is change.
-- Jim Starlin, "Captain Marvel", #29
"Maybe we can get together and show off to each other sometimes."
PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another --
but which one? Differences are crucial.
-- Lazarus Long
Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.
-- Benjamin Disraeli, "Coningsby"
And in the heartbreak years that lie ahead,
Be true to yourself and the Grateful Dead.
-- Joan Baez
'Ooohh.. "FreeBSD is faster over loopback, when compared to Linux
over the wire". Film at 11.'
-- Linus Torvalds
There are more things in heaven and earth,
Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
Speaking of Godzilla and other things that convey horror:

With a purposeful grimace and a Mongo-like flair

He throws the spinning disk drives in the air!
And he picks up a Vax and he throws it back down
As he wades through the lab making terrible sounds!
Helpless users with projects due
Scream "My God!" as he stomps on the tape drives, too!

Oh, no! He says Unix runs too slow! Go, go, DECzilla!
Oh, yes! He's gonna bring up VMS! Go, go, DECzilla!"

* VMS is a trademark of Digital Equipment Corporation.

* DECzilla is a trademark of Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of Death, Inc.
-- Curtis Jackson
For best results, follow directions carefully.
Thirty white horses on a red hill,
First they champ,
Then they stamp,
Then they stand still.
-- Tolkien
One of the most overlooked advantages to computers is... If they do
foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little.
-- Joe Martin
The sooner our happiness together begins, the longer it will last.
-- Miramanee, "The Paradise Syndrome", stardate 4842.6
Once upon a time there was a kingdom ruled by a great bear. The peasants
were not very rich, and one of the few ways to become at all wealthy was
to become a Royal Knight. This required an interview with the bear. If
the bear liked you, you were knighted on the spot. If not, the bear would
just as likely remove your head with one swat of a paw. However, the family
of these unfortunate would-be knights was compensated with a beautiful
sheepdog from the royal kennels, which was itself a fairly valuable
possession. And the moral of the story is:

The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that
hit you.
"`She hit me on the head with the rock again.'
`I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.'
`Sweet kid.'
`You have to get to know her,' said Arthur.
`She eases up does she?'
`No,' said Arthur, `but you get a better sense of when to
duck.'"

- Ford and Arthur on Random.

If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal
purposes.
-- J. Edgar Hoover
THE "FUN WITH USENET" MANIFESTO
Very little happens on Usenet without some sort of response from some other
reader. Fun With Usenet postings are no exception. Since there are some who
might question the rationale of some of the excerpts included therein, I have
written up a list of guidelines that sum up the philosophy behind these
postings.

One. I never cut out words in the middle of a quote without a VERY
good reason, and I never cut them out without including ellipses. For
instance, "I am not a goob" might become "I am ... a goob", but that's too
mundane to bother with. "I'm flame proof" might (and has) become
"I'm ...a... p...oof" but that's REALLY stretching it.

Two. If I cut words off the beginning or end of a quote, I don't

put ellipses, but neither do I capitalize something that wasn't capitalized
before the cut. "I don't think that the Church of Ubizmo is a wonderful
place" would turn into "the Church of Ubizmo is a wonderful place". Imagine
the posting as a tape-recording of the poster's thoughts. If I can set
up the quote via fast-forwarding and stopping the tape, and without splicing,
I don't put ellipses in. And by the way, I love using this mechanism for
turning things around. If you think something stinks, say so - don't say you
don't think it's wonderful. ...
-- D. J. McCarthy (dmccart@cadape.UUCP)
If you didn't have most of your friends, you wouldn't have most of
your problems.
Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times, and think to
yourself, `There's no place like home.'
-- Glynda the Good
It was kinda like stuffing the wrong card in a computer, when you're
stickin' those artificial stimulants in your arm.
-- Dion, noted computer scientist
Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects
such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern
art.
-- Tom Stoppard
* Knghtktty whispers sweet nothings to Thyla (stuff about compilers and
graphics and ram upgrades and big hard drives...)
<Thyla> oooooooooOOOOOOOOOO
<Infinitas> Knghtktty: that's positively pornographic...
* Thyla goes off into fits of ecstasy...
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
-- Mark Twain
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.