Vietnam National University University of Languages and

International Studies Faculty of English Language Teacher Education

School of English 2

4B WRITING ESSAY PACKAGE

Student's Name: NGUYỄN HOÀNG ANH TRÚC

Student ID No. : 16042369
Module Code and Title: 4B - ENGLISH FOR ACADEMIC PURPOSES 4
Date of submission: 19/4/2019

I confirm that the work submitted has been produced through my

own efforts.
Student's Signature:

Conditions:
✓ There will be automatic deductions of 10% for work, which is 10%
over or under the word limit.
✓ Errors in referencing will result in up to 10% deduction of marks.
✓ Plagiarism will be penalized with 0 (Zero). If permitted to resubmit,
a maximum of 40% will be awarded.
✓ Work not submitted on time without prior approval will be failed
and a maximum mark of 40% awarded for the resubmission.
Nguyễn Hoàng Anh Trúc - 16E24

Topic: ​To what extent do you agree with the statement: ‘’School is bad for
children?’.
FINAL VERSION

It is the conventional wisdom that the coercive system of schooling is a

breakthrough of humanity. Since the Protestant Reformation, school was
believed to be a place for nurturing critical thought, creativity and self-initiative
as a bad-tasting medicine but good for children in the long run. However, to
date, the most cherished institution(school) has been exerting destructive
effects on children’s mental, physical and intellectual development rather
than​ ​remarkable impacts as the human race expected.

Firstly, homework is assumed to be inherently beneficial for students’

academic performance (Pope, 2013). Homework and tests are some of
contributors to children’s high achievements at school as carry out challenging
and interesting assignments helps struggling students develop motivation,
self-regulation skills and achieve success (Ramdass & Zimmerman, 2011).
However, other study shows that these factors are also worsening their mental
health (Donaldson, 2016). Most children are experiencing anxiety and
depression under pressure of endless targets, examinations and homework at
school (Donaldson, 2016). A study of 4,300 students at 10 high-performing high
schools in California shows that more than 70 percent are stressed; 56 percent
list homework as a primary stressor. Stress will result in numerous serious
diseases affecting students’ study reversely and their life in the long term.

Secondly, physical education at school have an irrefutable positive effect on

physical health. ​Leavitt (2008) states that physical activities at school ‘’reduces
the risk of many chronic diseases and other adverse health outcomes’’ (p.18).
However, due to the failure of implementing numerous initiatives to improve
children’s health, they are forced to be sedentary for most of their school day.
Children have to endure not only frequent physical symptoms and but also a
lack of physical literacy. School-age boys and girls spend an average of
7–8 hours per day being sedentary due to obligatory sitting in lessons at school
(Craig, Mindell & Hirani, 2008​)​. Without sufficient physical activity, children are
experiencing physical health problems. Firstly, they are now developing
non-communicable chronic diseases which were considered afflictions of later
life. Secondly, cholesterol and fatty streaks appearing in the aorta, the arteries
of the heart, brain and peripheral arteries and lastly, 20% are obese when they
start schooling (de Ferranti, 2014). These diseases are not completely curable
and cause long-lasting consequences not only for children themselves but the
whole society’s public health.

Lastly, parents send their children to school with a belief that it is where
children can learn best. With interrelationship with teachers and friends, they
are more willing to participate in study (Simovska, 2004). In contrast, spending
more time at school does not always motivate students to engage in their
study but causes serious psychological damage (Gray, 2013). Education method
currently adopted is only well designed for indoctrination and obedience
training system of school which constrains children’s intellectual development
(Holt, 2005). A number of the world’s greatest scientists and innovators left
school from an early age. For example, Thomas Edison left school only after a
few months and was taught by his mother as well as self-studied through
reading books. At school, children have to hide their curiosity, listen to
teacher’s guide, have no chance to find out who they are and accept the
adults’ evaluation of them (Holt, 2005). Being corrected repeatedly, children
also get lose faith in their ability. Consequently, they cannot trust themselves
and become passive learners (Holt, 2005) which cause many young people try
to seek awareness of the world and responsiveness to it with drugs.
Medicating to surmount the obstacles of school depletes their aspiration of
figuring out who they were really meant to be.

As the most effective approach to learning and self-improvement is through

their own desire, children endowed by natural derives can self-motivate their
education. There are still various common denominators of people who have
been responsible for their life and successfully pursuing happiness without any
compulsory schooling process.
Reference List

1. Holt, J. (2005). ​The underachieving school​. Boulder, CO: Sentient Publications.

2. Weiler, R., Allardyce, S., Whyte, G. and Stamatakis, E. (2013). Is the lack of physical
activity strategy for children complicit mass child neglect?. ​British Journal of Sports
Medicine​, 48(13), pp.1010-1013.

3. O. Leavitt, M. (2008). Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans. ​Centers For Disease
Control And Prevention​, 18.

4. de Ro´iste, A., Kelly, C., Molcho, M., Gavin, A., & Nic Gabhainn, S. (2011). Is school
participation good for children?. ​Health Promotion Research Centre​, 12.

5. Gray, P. (2013). ​Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our
Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life​ (p. 5). Basic Books.

6. Levy, S. (2017). Is Too Much Homework Bad for Kids' Health?. Retrieved from
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/children-more-homework-means-more-stress-03
1114

7. Ramdass, D., & J. Zimmerman, B. (2011). Developing Self-Regulation Skills: The

Important Role of Homework. ​Journal Of Advanced Academics​, ​22​(2).
 Editing checklist
Notes: For Writer, please just put a tick in the correct column. For Partner, please put a tick and give specific
evidence for your opinion.

Name of Writer: Nguyen Hoang Anh Truc Name of Partner: Phan Thi Loan

Checking effectiveness Writer Partner Evidence

Introductory paragraph

1. Do the building sentences provide x x Since the Protestant

adequate background knowledge on the Reformation, school was
topic? believed to be a place for
nurturing critical thought,
creativity and self-initiative as
a bad-tasting medicine but
good for children in the long
run.

2. Is the motive for the essay clear? x x However, to date, the most
cherished institution(school)
has been exerting destructive
effects on children’s mental,
physical and intellectual
development rather than
remarkable impacts as the
human race expected.

3. Does the thesis have a clear position? x x However, to date, the most
cherished institution(school)
has been exerting destructive
effects...

Body paragraphs

5. Does each paragraph have a topic sentence x x - However, other study shows
which explains the thesis of the that these factors are also
paragraph? worsening their mental health.

- However, due to the failure of

implementing numerous
initiatives to improve
children’s health, they are
 forced to be sedentary for most
of their school day.

- In contrast, spending more

time at school does not always
motivate students to engage in
their study but causes serious
psychological damage .

6. Does each topic sentence directly support x x

the thesis?

7. Do the supporting sentences in each body x x - Most children are

paragraph directly and adequately experiencing anxiety and
support the topic sentence? depression under pressure of
endless targets, examinations
and homework at school.

- Children have to endure not

only frequent physical
symptoms and but also a lack
of physical literacy.

- Education method currently

adopted is only well designed
for indoctrination and
obedience training system of
school which constrains
children’s intellectual
development.

8. Are counter-arguments presented and x x - homework is assumed to be

rebutted? inherently beneficial for
students’ academic
performance. Homework and
tests are some of contributors
to children’s high achievements
at school as carry out
challenging and interesting
assignments helps struggling
students develop motivation,
self-regulation skills and
achieve success.

- physical education at school

 have an irrefutable positive
effect on physical health.Leavitt
(2008) states that physical
activities at school ‘’reduces the
risk of many chronic diseases
and other adverse health
outcomes’’

9. Are the arguments logical? x x - The first positive

side to be considered is that

WWW diversifies the way
students perform their
assignments.

- Secondly, WWW is a source

of knowledge that students are
likely to approach various
understanding.

Concluding paragraph

10. Are the readers reminded of the thesis and

main arguments?

11. Is there an effective final thought?
x x There are still various common
denominators of people who
have been responsible for their
life and successfully pursuing
happiness without any
compulsory schooling process.

Checking mechanics Writer Partner Evidence

Language

1. Is the meaning of each sentence clear? x x Being corrected repeatedly,

children also get lose faith in
their ability

2. Could hedging language be added? x x A number of , many,

3. Could intensifying language be added? x x Only, greatest

4. Are transitional words or phrases x x Firstly, secondly, lastly,

necessary? however, not only

5. Would the passive voice or nominalization x x - Education method currently

make sentences more effective? adopted is only well
designed ...

- Being corrected repeatedly

- Medicating to surmount the

obstacles of school depletes
their aspiration ...

6. Are there any sentence fragments?

7. Is there any redundancy?

8. Is any language subjective?

9. Are there any first- and second-person

pronouns (I, we, us, you)?

Use of outside sources

10. Is information from outside sources cited x - they cannot trust themselves
properly? and become passive learners
(Holt, 2005)

- Leavitt (2008) states that

physical activities at school
‘’reduces the risk of many
chronic diseases and other
adverse health outcomes’’
(p.18).

11. Is plagiarism avoided? x

12. Are quotations overused?

Grammar, punctuation, spelling,

capitalization

13. Have the small mistakes been fixed? x