Relationships

and
sexuality
Introduction

This study guide will cover the following areas:

That all types of relationships bring RESPONSIBILITIES.Ways in which relationships can

stay HEALTHY.The causes and effects of UNHEALTHY relationships.Try to remember these
three key terms to help you in your revision:

Relationships

Relationships and sexuality

When we talk about our relationships we’re usually referring to our family and friends and, in
particular, our girlfriends, boyfriends, and sexual partners.

The principles of maintaining good relationships are the same no matter who the relationship is with,
but our attitude to our sexual partners is the one which has the most significance and lasting impact.

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The responsibilities of relationships

The responsibility to communicate

It is important to understand what you and your partner want from your relationship. Talking about
this can be difficult, especially if you are not used to expressing your feelings.

The responsibility to understand

Sexual relationships can be complicated. So many emotions, insecurities and hopes are bound up in
them. Even beginning to understand requires a lot of patience, openness, and sincerity.

The responsibility to put your partner first

People in relationships usually work together to achieve common aims and goals. Even when their
goals are not shared, they still try to accommodate each other’s ambitions.

Sometimes, when ideas, beliefs or desires are not the same you have to accept that you won’t get
your own way.

Healthy relationships

You know when you’re in a healthy relationship because you feel happy to see and spend time with
your partner.

You will enjoy a unique feeling of intimacy with them, and a close physical bond that is both
exciting and reassuring. There are many factors that contribute to the development and maintenance
of healthy relationships including:
 commitment;
 trust;
 respect;
 responsibility.
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Commitment
All relationships require a level of commitment, but our sexual partners require the most. Each
relationship is different, but you will likely show your commitment by:

 being sexually faithful;

 sharing financial burdens;
 making decisions together;
 raising children.

Trust
All relationships require an element of trust, but it is a must-have in a sexual relationship.

Trust means sharing your thoughts and feelings.

A relationship without trust is unlikely to survive.

Respect
Respect is essential in a committed relationship. So much of life is shared with a partner that it’s easy
to show disrespect even when you think you’re not.

You might make fun of your partner’s attitudes or beliefs without realising that you have hurt them.

More seriously, you might treat your partner in a way that doesn’t value them as a person. That
attitude can lead to an abusive relationship.

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Responsibility
Being responsible means being honest about what you have said or done and being willing to face
the consequences.

Doing so consistently will win you respect and loyalty.It’s not always easy. Taking responsibility in
a relationship might mean changing your behaviour to fit with your partner’s.
Unhealthy relationships

The signs of an unhealthy relationship are easy to spot. People stop communicating, become less
close physically, and show less love and respect for each other.

There are many reasons that a relationship might break down.

Often it has to do with the personalities, attitudes and behaviours of the individuals. Other causes
come from outside the relationship. Here are two examples:

Young parenting
Young parents are often emotionally unprepared for the experience of childrearing.

It can damage their ambitions in school and life, cause financial problems, and lead to a great deal of
stress.

Teenaged couples often break up, leaving even more pressure on the parent who is left alone.

Cultural practices
Fifteen million girls are married before the age of 18 every year, according to Girls Not Brides
(www.girlsnotbrides.org).

The practice is rooted in gender inequality, and the belief in some cultures that girls and women are
somehow inferior to boys and men.

Girls are seen as a drain on family resources, which gives rise to the belief that they must be married
off as soon as possible.

However, marrying at such an early age makes it almost impossible for these girls to form healthy
and trusting relationships with their partners. They are likely to lack equality and respect.

Arranged and forced marriages

Arranged marriages have been the norm throughout history.

Families used marriage to seal alliances, merge financial interests, or because of physical disabilities.
While some arranged marriages are happy, many people believe that it is not the best way to nurture
a healthy relationship.

The effects of unhealthy relationships

Mental health

It can be very damaging to your mental health if your partner is disrespectful, doesn’t encourage you,
and undermines your trust. You may suffer low self-esteem or depression, which may affect all
aspects of life.
Relations with others

A poor relationship may harm your connections to other people. Your partner may try to control who
you can see and speak to. This may harm your ability to maintain a healthy relationship with friends
and family.

Physical health

An unhealthy relationship is stressful. This may lead to unhealthy behaviours such as smoking,
drinking and drugs. It may lead to a loss of appetite, a change in appearance, weight loss, or a sleep
disorder.

Types of support
The best way to improve an unhealthy relationship is by getting advice.

Counselling

A couple who recognise that they need help may attend counselling together.

They can discuss their problems with a trained counsellor who will help them understand their
problems and how to solve them.

Organisations such as Relate and Accord can help. Schools often provide a counsellor for general
emotional problems, and this can be a good place to start for those who are experiencing relationship
problems.

Intervention

Unhealthy relationships sometime descend into abuse. In these cases, counselling and advice might
not be enough. Family, friends, or specialist support groups may intervene to stop the abuse.

Self-help groups

Joining a self-help group is a great way of meeting other people who are facing the problems in their
relationships. It is an opportunity to speak about your situation and learn from others about how to
solve your problems.

Voluntary organisations

There are many voluntary organisations, such as Women’s Aid, who can lend support and advice for
people in unhealthy relationships.

Sexuality

Sexuality is the word we use to describe the sexual feelings we experience towards other people.

It isn’t necessarily about who we actually have sex with.

Don’t worry if you aren’t sure what your sexuality might be. Sexuality is deeply personal, and it can
take time to work out what’s right for you.
 There are different types of sexuality:

 Straight: attracted to people of the opposite sex.

 Gay: attracted to people of the same sex. This term is used by both men and women.
 Lesbian: attracted to people of the same sex. This term refers specifically to women.
 Bisexual: attracted to both men and women. Some people prefer the term pansexual to indicate that they
are attracted to different kinds of people, regardless of gender.
 Asexual: not sexually attracted to anyone.
There are other terms as well, but the label isn’t as important as exploring your feelings and finding
what feels comfortable.

You may never settle on a label to describe your sexuality, and that’s okay. You may even find that
your sexuality changes over time.

Gender
Our sex, which is physical – male or female – is distinct from our gender, which is
psychological and social.

What this means is that some of us have a gender which is different from our sex.

We may be male physically, but identify or feel more comfortable thinking of ourselves as a
female.

We may be female physically, but identify or feel more comfortable thinking of ourselves as
a male.

We may identify as being male and female or neither.

When we feel this way, we may be transgender or gender non binary.

This could be a confusing feeling to have, especially when society expects us to act a
certain way based on our sex.

Being transgender or gender non binary, however, is natural. Just like your sexuality, it is
deeply personal. You should take time to work through your feelings and find what is right
for you.