1

POLITICAL PHRASES – WHAT THEY ACTUALLY MEAN

“The public was never in danger” – Go out and count the bodies.

“… to spend more time with his family” – His ass was fired.

“The matter is under investigation” – We don’t know what the fuck happened.

“That’s a good question.” Usually followed by… “All options are on the table” –
We don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do.

“… will not attend because of a scheduling conflict” – I’m don’t wanna meet the
bastard.

“The project will be revenue neutral” – Gonna bust the budget on this one.

“… at no cost to the taxpayer” - Gonna bust the budget on this one.

“… will lower taxes” - Gonna bust the budget on this one.

“… doing the will of the American people” – This is a piece of shit legislation.

“…reflects the will of the voters” – Oh fuck, I’m gonna be primary’d on this.

“… our thoughts and prayers are with the family” – What the fuck happened?

“… we wish him a fast and speedy recovery”- I hope the bastard dies.

“… the perpetrators will be punished” – We have no clue who the fuck they are
or where the fuck they are.

“… for the benefit of all Americans”- We’re screwing the electorate, royally.

“The safety of our customers is our first priority” – (1) Fuck ‘em. We just want
the money! (2) We really fucked this one up. Let’s hope nobody dies or sues.
 2

“We’re going in a new direction” – We don’t know where the fuck we’re going.

“… provide access to health care for all Americans”’ – Screw the poor, the sick
and the elderly.

“We want the President to succeed” - We gotta get rid of this dumb fuck.

“We support the President’s agenda”- Ah shit, gonna get primary’d again.

“We won’t dignify that comment with an answer” – Fuck, they’re on to me.

“Let’s get this done right” – We already fucked this up. Don’t do nothing until
after the midterms.

“This proposal is going nowhere.” – It’s gonna fucking pass!

“Reducing the corporate tax rate will create jobs.” – Here comes the goddam
soup kitchens!

“At the end of the day, we have to make these numbers work.” -- No fucking
way are you gonna get what you want.

“We’re doing this in a thorough bipartisan manner.” -- Those assholes are

blocking us at every turn.

‘We’re going to layout the facts before the American people so they can draw
their own conclusions.” – We gotta bury this shit before people find out what’s
happening.

“We’re very happy to have a deal.” – We just got fucked!

“This state is strong. We’re going to survive this hurricane”. -- Yeah, in ten
fuckin’ years and $100 billion from Washington.
 3

We’re going to get this done by the end of the year.” – Nothing is gonna fuckin’
happen!

“One of the advantages of being the majority leader is you control the paper.” –
Nothing is gonna fuckin’ happen!

“Tax reform is the most important thing we can do right now to help American
families get ahead.” – We gotta take care of our donors; screw the fuckin’
deficit.

“We want to make sure members have ample opportunity to talk through our
framework, ask questions and offer feedback. – You get no fuckin’ input. This is
the way it is; fuckin’ take it or leave it.

“I have full confidence in _________ – He’s gonna be fuckin’ fired tomorrow.!

“The safety of our employee’s is top priority.” – But if those loafers aren’t on
the job tomorrow, they’re fuckin’ fired!”

“All FEMA resources will be used to provide assistance to __________ .”

(1) Where the hell is ________? (2) Fuck ‘em. They’ll all illegal immigrants and
they didn’t vote for us anyway.

“The vaccines will be distributed to all Americans on a fair and equitable basis.”
– Fuck them. Call my mother-in-law and our donors.

“The operation was successful, and there were no complications.” – Call the
fuckin’ undertaker.
 4

“The new variant of the coronavirus is not more dangerous than the original and
the new vaccine will prevent it from spreading.” – Order more body bags.

“…out of an abundance of caution.” – Run for the hills before you catch it.

“… our investigation will leave no stone unturned.” We’re shutting it down

tonight.

“This just the tip of the iceberg.” We got no more fuckin’ leads.”

“My words were taken out of context” – Ah shit, everybody’s on to me.

“We are headed into uncharted waters.” We really fucked up. Gotta save our
asses.