TYPES OF HOME TUTORS

Comedy skit by The Achanak Thoughts

THE ACHANAK THOUGHTS

Yr wo riaz kanjr ne filam karwa di hy.. jani tum tension na lo.. immu jani ko kaha hua hy
ALWAYS HUNGRY
(Moolvi sahib beth kar bachy ko sabaq parha rahy hoty hen..)

Molvi sahb: beta kafi dair hui tumhari mama kko pani ka kaha tha.. abhi ta kaya nahi.. tum 1 kam karo..
tum le ao …

Larka: g axhaw

(larka pani lene k liye jee hi uthta hy.. molvi sahb bol party hen..)

Molvi sahb: mera zara gala khrab hy tw sada pani mana hy mujhy.. tum 1 kam karo.. pani me cheeni ghol
k us me jam e sheerin or lemon ghol lao..

(larka chala jata hy or pani le k ata hy.. thori dair bad molvi sahb phr bolty hen…)

Molvi sahb: axhaw beta suno.. meri naw dawai ka time ho raha hy tw yeh dwai na mene chai or biscuit k
sath leni hoti hy… zara mama se kaho k chai bana den…

(larka chai le ata hy tw molvi sahb phr bolty hen..)

Molvi sahb: beta wo mene is dawai k 30 mint k andr andr na khana khany k bad wali dawai bhi leni hoti
hy.. tum 1 kam karo.. mama se kaho qeema fry kar len or sath 2 parathy dal den…

CHUMMI SHUMMI
(larka or teacher room me bethy hoty hen.. )

Teacher: me apko kitni bar samjha chukka hun ali meri jan k hath ki hatheli use karo… yeh apni nazuk
nazuk fingers na akhmi karo… ummmaahh

Larka: g axhaw sir.. bs wo bhool jata hun..

Teachaer: bhool nahi jaty tum.. jan k karty ho.. naughty boy!! Ummmaahh…
Larka: sir yeh ummmaahh zaruri hy?

Teacher: adat hy yr.. ignore karo… ummmaahh axhaw yeh btao.. fees ka kya karna hy??

Larka: wo me bhool gya.. papa ayen gy aj office se tw me un se le kr rakh lunga..

Teacher: yr phr bhool gaye?? Pehly hi 5 din late ho ap… ab btao me tumhara kya karun?

Larka: sir plz kuch na Karen…

Teacher: ary daro mat…

Mere hath me phool hy.. aslha tw nahi hy

Chummi shummi le lun koi masla tw nahi hy?

NALAIQ TEACHER
(Larka or teacher bethy hoty hen.. larka sar k samny book karta hy..)

Larka: sir yeh kya word likha hy??

Sir: kya?? 9th me phnch gaye or abhi tak words nahi parhny aye?? Nalaiq! Dikhao idhr..

(sir ko khud word nahi ata hota…)

Sir: parho zara… C E L L U L A R celulular..

Larka: kya?? Sir ap ne zyada L nahi laga diye??

Sir: baap ko mat sikha… chalo parho.. celulular…

Larka: cellular
Sir: celulular…

Larka: celu

Sir: lular.. lull

Lakra: lul

Sir: lar… celuuluar

Larka: celulular…

Sir: chalo ab beth k parho.. mujhy tang na karna .. mene fb use karni hy….

(larka sir pakr k beth jata hy or sir usy dekh raha hota hy)

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(larka sir ki tarf dekh raha hota hy or sir apna sir pakr k betha hota hy..)

Sir: yr kya karun?? Math me tw supply thi meri khud ki..

Larka: sir btayen bhi… yeh quadratic formula kya hota hy??

Sir: beta wo… yeh jo choti height waly log hoty naw.. inko hum koda kehty hen naw??

Larka: g kehty hen..

Sir: han wo 1 ko koda or 1 se zyada ko quad kehty hen… or phr jab log yeh sale p kody khareedny jaty
hen naw… tw wahan unka rate lagta hy.. tw usy hum quadratic kethy hen.. samjh ai??
Larka: sir pehli bhi chali gai hy..

Sir: shabash… ab btao or kya samjh nahi a raha…

Larka: sir yeh exercise karwa den..

Sir: yeh exercise?.. yeh tumhara homework hy… kal me a k check karunga..

Larka: sir 1 question karwa k samjha tw den..

Sir: nahi sab kuch me karun ab? Tumhari jagah ja k paper bhi me na de aon?

STRICT
(sir or bacha class me bethy hoty hen or bacha likh raha hota hy..)

Sir: yeh idha capital A ki jagah chota a Q likha?

Larka: sir sorry sir…

Sir: sorry nahi.. idhr jao or kursi ban jao..

(larka kursi ban jata hy..)

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(larka pencil sharp kar raha hota hy )

Sir: gadhy.. ese karty hen pencil sharp??

Larka: sir kya hua?

Sir: 1 bar extra ghuma di hy.. idhr ao tumhy btata hun.. aj esi saza dunga jo pehly suni bhi nahi hogi..

(sir larky ki ungliyon me pencil phasa k ghumata hy)

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(ulta khara kar deta hy deewar k sath..)

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(murgha bana k chalwata hy)

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(kanpatti k baaal khenchta hy)

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(phansi de deta hy)

ALWAYS PRESENT
(larka khirki k pas khara hota hy..)

Larka: aj tw zoron k barish lagi hui hy.. aj tw pakka sir nahi ayen gy..

(itni dair me darwaza bajta hy.. larka darwaz kholta hy tw samny sir khara hota hy..)

Larka: sir ap itni barish me bhi a gaye?? Rehny dete bhala..

Sir: beta yeh thora sa pani kuch nahi kehta.. me konsa namak ka bana hun jo ghul jaon ga… ao math
parhty hen..

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(camera il raha hota hy.. )

Larka : aj tw zalzala a gya hy …. Aj pakka chutti hogi..

(itni dair me bell bajti hy… larka darwaza kholta hy tw samny sir khara hota hy..)
Larka: sir aj tw zalzala aya hua hy aj tw rehny dete..

Sir: yeh zalzaly jese azab tum jese kam choor bachon ki wajah se aty hen… chalo andr parhai karo…

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(larka TV dekh raha hota hy.. news chalti hy k pury mulk me lockdown lag gya hy..)

Larka: yesss!! Ab tw pakka sir nahi ayen gy… ghar se bahir nikalna bhi mana hy..

(itni dair me usky shoulder pr sir hath rakhta hy..)

Larka: Ami bhaaooo

Sir: a jao beta.. parhai ka time ho gya hy..

Larka: sir aj tw immu jani ne pura mulk band kar diya tha sarkon p bajwa jani k bandy ghoom rahy hen..
ap kese a gaye??

Sir: beta me tw ghar jata hi nahi hun.. me tw tumhary bed k neechy rehta hun.. chalo ao math parhty
hen..

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(fotgi hui hoti hy or log beth kar ro rahy hoty hen..bell bajti hy tw larka uth k jata hy.. darwaza kholta hy
tw samny sir khary hoty hen..)

Larka: sir mere dada abu fout ho gaye hen.. ap aj rehny den…

Sir: koi bat nahi.. tum upary ki jagah yeh math parho gy… chalo andr..

OVER ACTOR
(larka darwaza kholta hy tw samny teacher khara hota hy)

Sir: hmary liye darwaza 71 second late khola gya.. sipahiyo! Deewar me chunwa diya jaye..
Larka: sorry sir.. ainda nahi hoga…

Sir: sipahiyo! bakhsh diya jaye

Larka: sir andr a jayen…

Sir: salam bhi nahi kiya… sipahiyo! Deewar me chunwa diya jaye..

Larka: sorry sir… assalam o alaikum!

Sir: bakhsh diya jaye!

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Larka: sir aj yeh english ka parh len thora sa?

Sir: door le jao yeh gher muhaib kitab hum se..

Larka: sir pr mere syllabus me english bhi hy..

Sir: hum nahi parhayen gy esi najaiz zuban.. ajeeb zuban hy.. pehly kehty ghalti pr sorry kaho.. phr kehtly
excuse me bhi chaly ga.. phr uski adat hui tw kehly apologize bhi chaly ga.. phr apologize yad kiya tw ab
kehty hen k pardon kaho… ary konsa pardon? Kiska pardon? Q Karen hum pardon?

Larka: bs bs sir.. me urdu hi le ata hun…

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(sir ankhen band kar k betha hota hy or larka parh raha hota hy..)

Larka: or me jab ankhen khotli hun tw mere samny saleem ka chehra hota hy.. or jab me qadam uthati
hun tw mere samny wo rahen hoti hen jo saleem ne mere liye mudayyan ki hen..
Sir: Mudayyan teri maa ne kadiya ay??

Larka: g sir??

Sir: hmara matlb, hmary darbar me ghalti ki koi jagah nahi.. sipahiyo!...

Larka: sorry sir.. sorry

Sir: Bakhsh diya jaye.. chalo ab ghalib parhty hen..

Larka: g axhaw sir… sir idhr likha hy mirza ghalib ko aam bhttt passand thy.. pr sir yeh aam kya hota hy?

Sir: tum mummy daddy bachy kya jano.. aam mango ko kehty hen..

Larka: tw sir mango kahen naw.. aam cheep lagta hy..

Sir: tum kya jano aam lafz ki ehmiyat.. wo shair ne kya khoob shair kaha hy

Me amb choop’n lai gai…

Baagh wich phari gai.