• '

As clever as Prince Cecil

'Five times five!' said Mrs Lil1es.

Sl1e had a way of saying tl1ings softly
that sounded as if she was shouting at
you.
Everyone in tl1e class wrote something
down, except Bertie.
Bertie chewed on the end of his pencil.
What was the answer? He wished he
could work it out. But he could11't.
 l11e trouble was, Bertie was no good
at sums. No matter how hard l1e tried,
l1e couldn't remember past l1is tl1ree
times table.
He felt his ears beginning to h~tch
•
agatn.
Sadie Smith looked at Bertie and
started to smile.
Mrs Li11es looked up and said,
sl1arply, 'Sadie! What is tl1e matter?}
 Sadie blushed. 'Nothi11g, Mrs
Lines,' she said. But Mrs Lines could
see for l1erself that Bertie's ears were
wiggli11g. The trouble was, Bertie's
ears didn't wiggle just a little bit.
They wiggled and waggled as if tl1ey
were waving at you.
'Bertie v\Tiggins!' she said. 'Stop
that at once. If you spent as much
time on your work as you spend
twitching your ears, you'd be as
clever as Prince Cecil.'

l
-
' . ..

._ •

---- ....
~e Vifla,e

Everyone in tl1e class grinned.

They all knew that Bertie looked
a bit like Prince Cecil.
Bertie sighed. He was fed up
with jokes about looking like a
•
prtnce.
'I hope you are all going to
watch Prince Cecil this evening,'
said Mrs Lines.
 Everyone kt1ew l1ow clever Pril1ce
Cecil was. Pril1ce Cecil was very good at
sums. Prit1ce Cecil kt1ew his tables.
Every year the King we11t 011
television a11d one of his children went
on with l1im. Last year it was Princess
Maude playing J1er trombone.

L J

'
 This year it was goil1g to be Prince
Cecil sayi11g l1is tables.
A huge crowd went to the royal
television show. Every year at the end,
tl1e crowd had to clap and cheer. Then
the King made a big speech. He always
began, 'Cleverness shows in many
ways. It is most wo11derful wher1 it
shows in someone young. Tl1e royal
childre11 ... '

'
l
 Every time the royal cl1ildre11 were on
television, Bertie's mum and dad would
moan at Bertie. (You may look like Prince
Cecil,' tl1ey would say, but you'll 11ever
1

get 011 televisio11 by flapping your ears.'

-
... .
l I
'I
..

That after11oon Bertie l1ad his tea ar1d

started doing his homework. After a few
mi11utes, he gave up a11d tur11ed on the
television. A lady was speaki11g. 'Tonigl1t,
everyor1e must see Pri11ce Cecil.' Bertie
turned tl1e televisio11 off.
 He we11t outside a11d sat on tl1e
doorstep. From 11ext door he could hear
music playing 011 the radio. Bertie bega11
to wiggle his ears. First the left one. Then
the right one. 111 no time at all both ears
were wiggling backwards a11d forwards
in time to tl1e music.
Mrs Gree11 from next door came past.
rrl1at's good, Bertie,' sl1e cried. {You're a
real little act, you are.'
'No 011e else seems to tl1ink so,'
grumbled Bertie.
 The secret search
___________,

() ')
J

Just tJ1en, a car drove slowly ir1to Bertie's

street. It stopped right outside Bertie's
l1ouse. A ma11 ar1d a woma11 got out.
The man l1ad a photo. To Bertie's
surprise, they walked over to l1im.
The man looked at Bertie. Then he
looked at tl1e photo. 'It's amazi11g,' he
said.
 Bertie's mum Qnd dad came
outside. '\'Vhat's goit1g on?' asked Mr
Wiggi11s.
'We are from the Royal Palace,' said
the woman. 'Prince Cecil has got red
spots. It could be cl1icken pox. He car1't
be 011 the royal television sl1ow tl1is
eve11ing. The King has ordered a secret
search for a Prince Cecil look-alike.'
She pulled out a crown and put it on
Bertie's l1ead. The man held up tl1e
photo.
 Mrs v\figgins gasped. 'It's our Bertie,'
she cried.
'No, it's not,' said the mar1. 'It's Prince
Cecil. We need your lad to take Prince
Cecil's place 011 the show tonigl1t.'

Mr vViggins opened his

mouth. Then he closed it again.
At last he said, 'On televisio11? Our
Bertie? So we'll all be famous!'
 'No you wo11't,' s11apped the woma11.
'No one will ever kl1ow. Whe11 Bertie
goes on television this evening,
everyone must think lle is tl1e pri11ce.
It's a secret you'll have to keep for ever.'
'Will we meet the Ki119 a11d Queen?'
said Bertie's mum.
'WiJI tJ1ere be a reward?' said Bertie's
dad.
'Maybe,' said the man. 'But now we
must get Bertie to the
television studio.'

jt--
 - ,

Bertie felt his blood run cold. Was11't

Pri11ce Cecil going 011 television to do
sums a11d say his tables? Bertie could11't
even get past his three times table. And
as for sums ... 'But Mum! But Dad!' said
Bertie. It was no good. Nobody would
liste11.
Before Bertie could say any more, he
was in tl1e car with l1is mum and dad.
They were on their way.
 •
•
l)

Bertie sat in tl1e back of the car. He

was very worried. How could he pretend
to be Pri11ce Cecil?
~we will go to the television studio
J10W said the womru1. 'Bertie has to get
1'

ready. Al1d we must do something about

1
l1is ears.
At last Bertie gasped, 'But Prince Cecil
is supposed to show how clever he is.
He's supposed to say his tables. I ca11't
1
do that!
 The woma11 sniffed. 'You do11't l1ave
to be clever. AJI tl1e answers will be 011
a screen in front of you.' She stared at
him. 'You ca11 read, can't )'Ou?'
'Of course I ca11,' said Bertie.
'Good,' she went on. 'No one else
will be able to see the scree11. No 011e
will k.J1ow that you can't do your
tables.'
--------~~.l~7-----------
 ;
J

The King was pacing up a11d doWl1 il1

the television studio. 'I will not wait any
lot1ger!' he shouted. '111ey must have
found someone who looks like Cecil
by now.'
At that moment, Mr and Mrs Wiggir1s
arrived witl1 Bertie.
Mr Wiggi11s bowed. 'T11is is Bertie,'
l1e said. 'I'm glad we can help out,
Your Majesty.'
 TI1e King looked at Bertie. He smiled.
1
1t's amazit1g,' he said. (You could be
Cecil, apart from the ears. Put Cecil's
crown on and hide your ears.'
1
1
But Your Majesty,' said Bertie. 1 am
11ot Pril1ce CeciJ. I do11't want to
prete11d to be him.'
1
1
Not1set1se,' said the King. You Jook
like him. That's all that matters. Just do
what you're told ru1d read wJ1at's on
the scree11.'
 It was time for the show to start. The
people were in tl1eir seats. Bertie sat on
a large chair. Music played. Then a
man with a big smile spoke into the
camera. 'Good eve11i11g, everyo11e.
Tonight we are happy to welcome our
young prince 011 the show. Pri11ce Cecil
is goh1g to say his eight times table.
Wl1at a clever lad~'

\ \ '

I
 1

Ligl1ts shone on Bertie. A lady witl1

headphones counted up to five on l1er
fingers. A voice in his ear said, 'Now- '
AJ1d Bertie was 011 teJevisio11.
Bertie felt his heart beating. He
looked for the scree11 witl1 the at1swers.
There it was in front of him. He
coughed, a11d began to read. 'One
times eight is eigl1t,' he said loudly.
Then the scree11 went blar1k.
 Bertie adds it up

( ( { (
_....._,. ...,...,..,._ ))
{/

-
Bertie's tummy feJt as if it had insects
buzzing around inside. He wa11ted to be
sick. He knew what came next so he
gasped, rrwo times eight is sixteet1.'
Wl1at was three times eight?
His ears bega11 to twitcl1. Pri11ce
Cecil's crown wobbled from side to side.
Bertie felt the croWl1 slip over his eyes
in little jerks.
He took the crown off. This seemed
to stop his ears twitchi11g.
 TI1en the man spoke agah1. He did
11ot sou11d so l1appy now. 'Well, Prince
Cecil, what are three times eigl1t?'
Bertie tried to cow1t the a11swer out
on his fingers. He took off his sl1oes
a11d socks and counted on his toes as
well. But it was no good. He just didn' t
have e11ough fingers and toes.
Or1e or two people called out, 'Come
on! What are three times eight?' Bertie
felt awful. He wa11ted to shout, 'I'm not
Pri11ce Cecil. I'm Bertie v\Tiggins.' But he
couldn't say a word.

'
 Then something strange happened.
Bertie's ears began to move again. They
slowly flapped back and forwards.
The crowd began to count alot1g.
'One ... two ... tl1ree ... ' The ears
flapped twenty-four times, whicl1 is
exactly three times eigl1t.
Someo11e sl1outed, 'What about four
times eigl1t?'
The ears wiggled thirty-two times.

~<!'::. ~~r~u ~ ~~ .~
< \ ...(~ fiJ r l
. ' .....~ ( "
 'His ears l1ave got it right!' cried two
ladies in the front row. The crowd cheered.
By the time Bertie's ears had counted
out te11 times eight, the crowd were
jumping up and doWl1 with excitemer1t.
The man looked at the King. He
looked at Bertie. He did11't kt1ow what to
do. 'Er ... Tha11k you, Prince Cecil ... urn
... Or should I say, "Thatlks to Prh1ce
Cecil's ears?"'
Everyone laugl1ed, but the King
scowled. 'Now tl1e pri11ce will do sums,'
l1e sl1outed.
 'Stop it, Dad!' cried a voice.
Two childre11 darted across tJ1e studio.
One was Princess Maude. The other was
the real Prince Cecil. Now there were two
Pri11ce CeciJs in front of the camera.
Pril1cess Maude pointed at Bertie.
'This is 11ot Prince Cecil,' she said.
'No, I'm Bertie Wiggins,' said Bertie.
Everyone gasped. The King we11t red
in tJ1e face. Mrs V\Tiggit1s fait1ted.
 Pri11cess Maude went on, 'Prince
Cecil is not very good at sums. He hates
going 011 television. We both do. Last
year I l1ad to pretend to play the
trombone. I ca11't really play at all '
By now the Kil1g had jumped to his
feet. He began to roar, 'Stop the sl1ow!
Cecil! You should be in bed with spots.
Maude! Be quiet!'

-.. --
 But Princess Maude took no notice. 11

painted Cecil with red spots.'

{You!' cried the King.
{Yes,' said Pri11ce Cecil. But we didn't
1

thi11k you would find someo11e who

looks like me.'
1
So we came here by taxi,' we11t 011
Prh1cess Maude. ~we ha.d to stop tl1is
stupid sl1ow. We hate it because it makes
everyo11e laugh at us. They think we're
too good to be true.'
 The King put l1is head in his hands.
1
But we have always gone on the royal
television sl1ow. That's what it's for.'
(Yes', said the man. He did 11ot look
l1appy at all. (What about my show?"
1
1 know,' said Bertie bravely. (Why
don't you put on a show that children
will really like? Children from aU over
the country could
go on it.'
 .. • •

..
•
'
• •

'Wow! Talent spotti11g,' said Prince

Cecil. 'What a good idea.'
'Go on, Dad,' said Princess Maude.
'Say yes.'
The King we11t white and then l1e
went red. Then he we11t purple. But
everyor1e i11 tl1e studio began to clap
a11d cheer.
'Well ... all rigl1t,' he said. 'But my
cl1ildre11 must tell everyo11e wl1at to do.'
 'No, Dad,' said Prince Cecil. 'We
11ever want to sl1ow off again.'
'Then Bertie ca11 do all his tables,'
boomed tl1e Ki11g. 'And he can teach
everyone sums with his ears.'
Pri11ce Cecil ru1d Princess Maude
groaned.
'No sums, thank you,' said Bertie.
TI1en he grinned. He was et1joyi119
l1imself on television. He wiggled his
ears. 'But you wait. One day I'll really
be the star of tl1e sl1ow.'