Tania A. Marshall, M.Sc.

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Flying under the radar: Girls and Women

with Aspergers Syndrome
I M AG E
Posted on March 27, 2013

Flying under the radar: Girls and Women with Aspergers Syndrome

In Australia, approximately 1 in 100 children are born with an Autism Spectrum Condition
(ASC). ASC is a recently defined lifelong developmental condition and affects people
regardless, of age, colour, race or socio-economic status. It is now referred to as a spectrum
condition, meaning that the condition affects the person in different ways, even though there
are common areas of challenges across all people with Autism.
Aspergers Syndrome (AS) or High Functioning Autism (HFA) is a form of Autism,
characterised by challenges in social communication and interaction and restricted,
repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities, including sensory issues (DSM5,
2013).

Hans Aspergers, an Austrian paediatrician, originally described Aspergers Syndrome in

1944. He originally believed that girls were not affected. However, further clinical evidence
led him to revise his statement. In terms of statistics, Kanner (1943) studied a small group of
children with autism and found that there were four times as many boys as girls. Ehlers and
Gillburg (1993) found the similar ratio of four boys to every girl, in their study of children in
mainstream schools in Sweden.

Aspergers Syndrome appears to be more common among boys than girls, when the
research is reviewed. However, recent awareness of genetic differences between males and
females, and the diagnostic criteria largely based on the characteristics of males, are
currently thought to be responsible for females being less likely to be identified. Attwood
(2000), Ehlers and Gillberg (1993) and Wing (1981) all acknowledge that many girls and
women with Aspergers Syndrome are never referred for assessment and diagnosis for AS,
or are misdiagnosed, and are therefore missed from statistics and research. Many girls and
women do not meet diagnostic criteria, as the criteria are based on the behavioural
phenotype of boys. There exists a critical need for diagnostic criteria to reflect the female
phenotype.

Questions have been raised about the ratio of males to females diagnosed as having an
autism spectrum condition (ASC), with a variety of studies and anecdotal evidence citing a
range from 2:1 to 16:1. Here in Australia, I have seen a rapid increase in the number of girls
and adult women referred for a diagnosis and/or support.
The following are some of the identified different ways in which girls and women tend to
present from boys (Gould and Ashton Smith, 2011; Attwood, 2007; and Yaull-Smith, Dale
(2008):

• Girls use social imitation and mimicking by observing other children and copying them,
leading to masking the symptoms of Asperger syndrome (Attwood, 2007). Girls learn to be
actresses in social situations. This camouflaging of social confusion can delay a diagnosis
by up to 30 years.
• Dale Yaull-Smith (2008) discusses the ‘social exhaustion’ that many females experience,
from the enormous energy it takes pretending to fit in.

• Girls, in general, appear to have a more even and subtler profile of social skills. They often
adopt a social role based on intellect instead of social intuition.

• Girls often feel a need and are aware of the cultural expectations of interacting socially.
They tend to be often more involved in social play, and can be observed being led by their
peers rather than initiating social contact. They often only have one or two close friends
and/or may find boys easier to get along with.

• Cultural expectations for girls involve participating in social communication, often made up
of social chit-chat or surface-type conversation. Girls with Asperger Syndrome find this type
of communication exhausting, tending to desire having conversations that have a function to
them. Girls on the spectrum are also are socially confused by teasing, bullying, and
bitchiness, and the teasing that often occurs at school.

• Girls often misunderstand social hierarchies and how to communicate with others based on
the level of the hierarchy that the person is on. This can tend to get girls in trouble with
adults.

• Girls have better imagination and more pretend play (Knickmeyer et al, 2008), with many
involved in fiction, and the worlds of fairies, witches and other forms of fantasy, including
imaginary friends
.
• Whilst the interests of girls on the spectrum are very often similar to those of other girls, it
is the ‘intensity’ and ‘quality’ of the interest which can be unusual. For example, many are
very focused on their animals, celebrities or soap operas.

• Girls and women on the spectrum are generally skilled in one on one social relationships,
but are uncomfortable and anxious in large groups of people.

• Girls may have great difficulty in attempting to explain their difficulties in social situations
and/or groups. Instead, they may skip school, complain of headaches or stomach aches or
refuse to go to school.

• Girls facial expressions tend to not match their moods. They may say that are fine, but on
the inside they are unhappy, anxious or both.

• Girls tend to be more passive-aggressive (avoid social activities, refuse requests from
others or refuse to complete tasks,), tend to blame themselves and/or internalise their
feelings and anger and have less ADHD.

Girls on the autism spectrum are more likely to come to the attention of health professionals
due to difficulties with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, behavioural problems and/or
social skills challenges. The presenting problem then becomes the ‘diagnosis’, with the
larger picture and explanation for feeling “different” is missed.

Women with Autism are most likely to have had a long history of misdiagnoses, often with
borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety disorder, depression, selective
mutism, OCD, but somehow those labels just didn’t seem to fit adequately. Up to 42% have
been misdiagnosed (Gould, 2011).
Many women with an autism spectrum condition are not being diagnosed and are therefore
not receiving the help and support needed throughout their lives. Having a diagnosis is the
starting point in providing appropriate support for girls and women in the spectrum. A timely
diagnosis can avoid many of the difficulties women and girls with an autism spectrum
disorder experience throughout their lives. Who should I take my child or myself to see? Ask
your doctor, psychologist or paediatrician how many girls with Autism they have seen. They
must have seen as least 50 girls with AS, due to the ‘social echolalia’ or the camouflaging of
social confusion that females on the Spectrum engage in.

Three Common Female Autism Myths and Advice

1. Girls and women cannot socialise. Actually, many girls and can socialise quite well, just
not for as long. They tend to suffer from social exhaustion or a ‘social hangover’ from longer
periods of socialising. All persons on the spectrum need solitude to recharge their batteries.
Advice: Let your family or friends know that you need a solitude break, to allow you to
recharge your batteries. Let them know that this is how your regain your energy.

2. Girls and women lack empathy. Actually, there are different types of empathy. Girls and
women have high emotional empathy, being highly sensitive to the emotions of others, also
known as referred emotion, the actual feeling of others feelings. This can be quite
overwhelming for the person experiencing it. Being overwhelmed by feeling others emotions
makes it challenging for them to process or ‘read ‘the subtle social signals (tone of voice,
subtle expression on face)
Advice: Learn to accept and trust your intuition. Learning a variety of interventions to help
manage or cope with high empathy is important.

3. Girls and women with autism cannot lie. Girls and women with autism can lie, but they
usually do it badly. They tend to lie to the detriment of all concerned or lie as a quick fix
because they do not know what to do, so they will deny, even when it’s plainly obvious that
they are. In addition, females tend to tell the truth when it is not socially acceptable to do so
or be truthful with their emotions, when it may not be the best time or place to show those
emotions.
Advice: Social stories for “white lies” and the appropriateness of “emotional truth” are useful
intervention tools.

About Tania Marshall

Tania holds a Masters of Science in Applied Psychology and a Bachelor of Arts in

Psychology. She regularly provides diagnostic assessments, support and intervention.

Tania is currently working on her fourth book. She is co-authoring a book for professionals
tentatively entitled “Assessment of Autism Spectrum and Asperger’s in Females:
Comprehensive diagnostics and treatment planning for girls and women with autism
spectrum conditions across the lifespan”.
To enquire or book assessments, problem solving sessions and/or support, please e-mail
Tania at tania@aspiengirl.com

Tania is also completing the first three in a series of books on female Autism. Her book
series is available for purchase at http://www.aspiengirl.com

To enquire about interviews, articles, workshops, or translations/translating of her books,

please email Tania at tania@aspiengirl.com

Tania Marshall©, 2013-2014. All rights reserved. Aspiengirl and Planet Aspien are
trademarked. Thank you.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged asperger syndrome, assessment,
autism, autism community, autism spectrum, diagnosis, female, girls, high
functioning autism, iagnosis, misdiagnoses, research, traits, Women by Tania A.
Marshall M.Sc., Autism Ambassador for EPG and Supply Desk, Psychologist and
Trainer/Presenter. Bookmark the permalink
[https://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/flying-under-the-radar-girls-
and-women-with-aspergers-syndrome-2/] .

44 THOUGHTS ON “FLYING UNDER THE RADAR: GIRLS AND WOMEN WITH

ASPERGERS SYNDROME”

Julie Hawkins
on March 27, 2013 at 12:25 pm said:

Very Interesting!
I’m learning an awful lot!
A lot of this applies to me, but it it because I have ADHD?
Hmmmmm?

Luisa Di Biagio
on April 4, 2013 at 8:02 am said:

Thank you for this . Very precious .

taniaannmarshall
on April 8, 2013 at 8:04 am said:

Luisa, you are welcome

Charm Win
on February 12, 2015 at 8:33 am said:

There is also the Empathy with animals. Animals will come to me. as a
wildlife carer its important. I can read them without words. people and
creatures tend to attach themselves to me… I am a loner… I love it,
my hubby works away :). I spend hours everyday alone singing and
listening to music( while I tackle the whirlwind of mess left behind by
my children…), I love to help people, but always need my space. I get
so drained by people around me and it gets worse as I get older. at
least I am beginning to understand why I didn’t fit in, and why I don’t
care.

Jaime A. Heidel
on April 4, 2013 at 3:24 pm said:
I identify with so much of this. Yes, I have very high empathy but don’t understand
where the emotion of another person is coming from. I have to ask because I can’t
read the facial expression, body language or intention of the person. It can get very
frustrating for them because they don’t want to stop feeling the strong emotion long
enough to explain to me what I may have done, said or not done to cause it.

Charm Win
on February 12, 2015 at 8:24 am said:

In my family… when We watch a movie, everyone looks to see if I’m tearing

up, as I only have to see sadness in someones eyes to cry.:( I’m the joke. lol
music does it too.

Pingback: ASD or PDA or should it be Extreme Male Brain V Extreme Female Brain |
Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome an autistic spectrum disorder

Jennifer S.
on June 19, 2013 at 2:48 am said:

I too can relate to a lot of this … a solitude break!! My partner cannot understand
why I sit up so late at night after he has gone to bed, and now I know how to explain
it. Thank you.

mariposafree
on July 13, 2013 at 6:20 pm said:

I am trying to find out if I have aspergers. My daughter has been studying online for
a degree in autism and special needs children. She told me she thought I had
aspergers. First I said, no I don’t think so. Then for 3 days I researched a lot and
think I probably do. I am 56 years old, and it explains how my life has been a lot. I
don’t have anyone to talk with about it or anyone who understands about it. I hope I
can find a friend or support group to be involved in besides fb. Thank you for
listening. Mariposa

taniaannmarshall
on July 14, 2013 at 2:59 am said:

Hello Mariposafree, thank-you for your message. Female Aspergers is a

relatively new area with new support groups popping up here and there. I
have found that support or services often depends on where the individual
lives. You may find it helpful to join a female Aspergers Association? There
are a couple of large American ones that I know of and are easy to find on
the Internet. I hope this is helpful. All the best.

Carol
on February 15, 2014 at 11:15 pm said:

Hi Tania..I didn’t know how to leave you a comment ,but I needed

too..I have had a suspicion that I have asbergers for about 2 years
but most of the things on line till you brought this list forward have
been basic…thank you for this list of symptoms…I always say..I have
raised my children wonderfully and have 11 grandchildren but feel so
immature and ungrown up myself..I am now 64 years old and still very
childlike..when I read your list the other day I broke down and cried
way from deep within my soul..I could put a check next to every
symptom in every category except maybe about 8 of them on the
lists..I cried for all the scared lonely years of anxiety as a child,,.. I
cried for the,high school dance when I hid in the locker room because
I was so afraid to come out and dance and socialize.no social skills it
seemed..wouldn’t know what to say mingling in the girl clutches at the
dance..felt like I always wanted to be invisible..just let me be here but
PLEASE don’t notice me!..misunderstood, teased and broken
hearted..a loner..it all TOTALLY makes sense now..but in a way the
answers seemed to have freed my soul..because know I know why
and can try to love myself and feel worthwhile and live my life for who I
am instead of always watching to see how I should be….trying to
understand things I couldn’t..the mask has been very heavy on my
face all these years..maybe now I can take it off and become
somewhat visible, somehow, someway..to feel that I am worthwhile and
there was a true verified reason I was the way I was..weird, different,
from another planet…I lost myself in my art and listening to music and
3 very good friends I did have through life…why because they were
dyslexic and challenged and a great bond formed for many years..I
 could talk to them, felt safe with them because somehow I could feel
they were almost just like me..I have an autistic grandaughter, also
blind..I have an autistic cousin on my dads side, and an autistic aunt..I
feel my youngest daughter is aspie, and her son Nicholas.., also my
oldest grandaughter Amanda..I feel she is an extroverted challenged
aspie..23 years old..most of the others seem ok except for the anxiety
disorder that seems to run rampant in the family and allergies..I have
milk, wheat, gluten, corn soy, yeast allergies to boot..I also was a
change of life baby and feel when a woman’s hormones and body are
all twisted up how can they produce a normal child..I also have above
average high intelligence, yet lack in so many areas..Ty for listening..I
will be getting my MD to send me for assessment..My husband Always
use to say..Carol when you get out of your environment you can’t
function as well or get anxious….and so it is….but now it doesn’t
matter if I fit in or function outside my environment..because I know
why and can live with that..but stayed alone so much because I didn’t
fit in.??MUCH thanks to you Tania for opening my eyes..

taniaannmarshall
on February 17, 2014 at 10:50 pm said:

Dear Carol,

thank-you for your message. Your words are all too familiar, heard in
my daily private practice. Those that know my work, know that I am
very pro diagnosis, at any age. Some of those reasons are the ones
you speak of in your comments. Try and find someone who
specializes in females. You’ve been through enough to get to this
point. All the best.

C
on February 20, 2014 at 7:13 pm said:

I am fifty and had a breakdown at my work after being bullied from my team
with the sanction of management. This started intensely a few weeks after my
4th promotion. All the inputs simply did not compute: having work taken away
from me, my team ignoring my requests for tasks, a dept head making
references about my personal life of which he could have only heard hearsay
about…the interim lead (there was a huge change in mgmt that often
precipitates these things, I’ve read), accused me of all kinds of bad emotions,
things my previous lead would never have done since we’d had a repoire of
trust built over several years before she left….work after being bullied from
my team with the sanction of management. This started intensely a few
weeks after my 4th promotion. All the inputs simply did not compute: having
work taken away from me, my team ignoring my requests for tasks, a dept
head making references about my personal life of which he could have
known nothing except from false hearsay. I suffered a major depressive
episode. But I think my recovery is complicated by a lack of diagnosis of
Aspergers which I am seeking now, once the funds are available to see a
specialist in my city.

C
on February 20, 2014 at 7:24 pm said:

I am fifty and had a breakdown at my work after being bullied from my team
with the sanction of management. This started intensely a few weeks after my
4th promotion. All the inputs simply did not compute: having work taken away
from me, my team ignoring my requests for tasks, a dept head making
references about my personal life of which he could have only heard hearsay
about…the interim lead (there was a huge change in mgmt that often
precipitates these things, I’ve read), accused me of all kinds of bad emotions,
things my previous lead would never have done since we’d had a repoire of
trust built over several years before she left….I can totally relate with
Mariposa. I am fifty and had a breakdown at my work after being bullied from
my team with the sanction of management. This started intensely a few
weeks after my 4th promotion. All the inputs simply did not compute: having
work taken away from me, my team ignoring my requests for tasks, a dept
head making references about my personal life of which he could have only
heard hearsay about…the interim lead (there was a huge change in mgmt
that often precipitates these things, I’ve read), accused me of all kinds of bad
emotions, things my previous lead would never have done since we’d had a
repoire of trust built over several years before she left. I suffered a major
depressive episode. But I think my recovery is complicated by a lack of
diagnosis of Aspergers which I am seeking now, once the funds are available
to see a specialist in my city.

C
 on February 27, 2014 at 11:28 am said:

Could I possibly have someone who manages the postings delete the
posts from “C” for me? I would really appreciate it

Charm Win
on February 12, 2015 at 8:37 am said:

Me too. I need Everyone in my home to go to bed so I can chillax. All my

kids are on the spectrum…
I love friends on fb. When I need space I just close my Laptop. But I get what
your saying.

Michelle willder
on August 3, 2013 at 9:03 am said:

This is interesting to read as I have a 10yr old son with High Functioning Autism and
I was wondering how does an adult get checked out as I was reading it was like
someone was talking about me , strange but true !

Suzanne Durrant
on August 10, 2013 at 9:09 am said:

Hi Tania, you may be interested in this information regarding incidence of ASD in

Australia. “A presentation at the inaugural ASfAR conference (7/12/2012) shows the
national average autism prevalence in school age children exceeded 1.4% (1 in
62.5) by June 2012, based on Centrelink Carer Allowance data.” Here is the link to
that information http://a4.org.au/a4/node/622
 taniaannmarshall
on August 10, 2013 at 10:27 am said:

Thank you Suzanne. I appreciate you!

alli lelievre
on August 20, 2013 at 10:08 am said:

so so so correct…

AshleeFanch
on December 18, 2013 at 3:07 pm said:

My 6 year old daughter is being referred to a specialized test because her

pediatrician believes she has a combination of Aspergers and ADHD. I wanted to
learn more about it and came across this and a few of your other blogs. I spent my
entire life wondering why I was so different from all my friends, wondering why I spent
10 years as an anorexic, why I can’t seem to keep friends, why I spent my entire
childhood being teased, and why I am so exhausted at the end of every day. I might
possibly have Aspergers myself. For the first my life I realize that there is actually
something wrong with me, and that there are answers to why I am the way I am.
Thank you!

Margrit
on February 5, 2014 at 8:04 am said:

Ashlee, there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, you’re just different. I know, my
husband thinks something is wrong with me, too. But he can’t understand
why not everybody should be like him, so, since he hasn’t managed to re-
make me in his image (not God’s image) in the 35 years of marriage,
something is wrong with me.
BUT I am different, and there is NOTHING wrong with me.
You might be able to use some help in figuring out how to function better in a
world where everybody is supposed to conform to the arbitrary social rules
somebody has thought up. But there is nothing inherently wrong with you.

Charm Win
on February 12, 2015 at 8:41 am said:

you made me laugh. My hubby doesn’t even try…. I just wish we

could have some intelligent conversations without his eyes glazing
over.
Nonconformity is good…. Seeing the world through a different filter
adds a different perspective missed by NT people.:)

Charm Win
on February 12, 2015 at 8:19 am said:

Hi I’m a Mum of 5. All are on the spectrum….All are male. I suspected

Asperger’s but wasn’t sure…. until talking with my Sons Psychiatrist today…
as he asked me an odd question, He asked me, How did I cope in school,
having Asperger’s..? I went to deny in defence, but thought about it and
retorted…. It was a nightmare….I loved school…hated the social bullshit. I
was quiet and shy, but was bullied and excluded for being odd, smart and
reactive and for being a little encyclopaedia…I got along better with teachers
than with the horridly behaved turkeys scratching around on the playground.
Today has been enlightening…… with many tears.
But relieved to know, I was never alone,or born in the wrong century, time
and place…..

Shirley
on January 22, 2014 at 9:09 pm said:
I’m researching some unusual medical procedures I went through as a wee girl in
Scotland; my mum confirms the memories but died recently. Everything I’ve
researched points to some sort of high functioning autism, which apparently was
prevalent in Scotland; it would have been early 60’s. I’m seeking my childhood
medical records from Scotland. I’ve been in tears reading all of these oh so familiar
symptoms.

Sarah
on February 3, 2014 at 11:26 am said:

My diagnosis was such a huge relief. The emotional transition is really tough though.
I feel that I have to totally reconstruct a healthy emotional reaction based on the
information I now have about my neurolgical diversity rather than continuing to rely
on pretend emotions. The anxiety I am re feeling is sometimes so excrutiating I can
see why I developed so many coping strategies. I suspect many women who have
been misdiagnosed are suffering greatly as they try to manage this kind of emotional
confusion and temporary relief from various medications. The terryfying risk for me
prior to the diagnosis was the constant sense of failure I felt and sense of
responsibility I actually felt on behalf of the professionals who were trying but failing
to help me. Had I not been diagnosed, this feeling of constant failiure and inabilty to
understand/survive the world would have led to my death. I had an amazing friend
and GP, both of whom supported my application for a refferal for a diagnosis. I got it
in three weeks plus six follow up sessions for the adjustment period which literally
saved my life. I have to add that the most important quality in the professionals who
were able to help me was not qualifications it was compassion. I have had to make
different choices about work, relationships and definately book myself lots of time
out. I hope one day, I might be able to contribute something positive to women on
the spectrum who are struggling with the adjustment period and inherent mental
health issues. When I see the bigger picture regarding this gift of deep feeling and
almost super insight into the wrong ‘beingness’ of the world around me I know there
must be a reason for it. Accepting it is the first step to embracing it. Sending healing
love to all those out there on this journey, you are not alone, you are part of a
growing tribe of repressed healers and visionaries, mount your unicorns with pride
and enjoy this rich land of sensory exploration and imagination.
 Catherine Roberts
on February 3, 2014 at 10:39 pm said:

at last some answers,the pain I feel leads to me considering ending it simply becuae
I dont fit in,family is always deriding me for the things I say and do,Ive isolated myself
for self preservation

Tina Arcuri
on March 4, 2014 at 2:46 am said:

Oh, my god you have analysed my daughter without seeing her she is
46years old married with two children a fifteen year old girl which shall I say
normal and a twenty year old son with autism or asperges syndrome and she
deals with him beutefulland to think myself and the rest of the family have
always treated her as being a bit stupid or slow but after reading your article I
cried and cried because she has been saying to me how she felt and I
dismissed and wanted her to think and do thinks my way or what I thought
was normal all this years she has tried and tried every now and then she has
said she wishes to have some time alone to think and reflect thanks again I
am on my way to speak to my doctor to see what I can do to repair all the
wrongs I have done as the same doctor has put her on anti depressant tablet
which many times she wanted to stop and I told her not to!

The Partisan Troika

on June 4, 2014 at 4:25 pm said:

Reblogged this on The Partisan Troika.

lidz78
 on June 26, 2014 at 2:13 pm said:

I’m fairl sure that some degree of autism is in my family and on both sides.

I am the only one, though, to face it, where all others affected live in denial. This
makes it harder for me. Instead of acceptance for my more obvious troubles, I have
been met more with shame or inability of my parents to show more than only a small
amount of encouragement.

I very much need encouragement. My life has been a train wreck for years. I could at
least cope enough to function, to earn a degree and to work. But then, as a young
adult in one of my first jobs I was sexually harassed and it was condoned by the
manager -I was also the only female working with five men on my own (and the
managers had also set it up so that my supervisor was also the comapny’s sexual
harassment officer). I believe that my supervisor picked up on my social naivety and
figured he’d take advantage of it and punish me for being narrowminded and
pruddhish – amd he basically gave me the message that I if I attracted hostility along
the lines of sexual harassment that I either had to put up with it or leave. Exactly this
happened and I put up with it for three weeks before avoiding coming in. It got as
bad as the person following me onto the train and talking about rape.

I hate this supervisor. Even more than the clueless fool who harassed me (and didn’t
have the witt to even protect his own reputation …i actually believe he had
aspergers traits himself in the form of a lack of seeing beyond himself or the overall
bigger social picture). But the supervisor, foresaw this happening and simply
removed any barriers to it and any protection of me -even though this is explicitly
against the law.

Years have passed. I avoided working for three years, chain smoking and trying to
process what had happened. Then when I returned to full time work four years later I
had developed social phobia. I then was fired twice, this time due to being constantly
on edge. Everyday felt like I was going into war.

My uni degree is pretty much useless now. I have since been able to work partly
because of antidepressants and other times because of finding work as a cleaner
working autonomously. …but I struggle still getting interviews for any work. On top of
all of the past experience of rejection.

I also have suffered for a very long time regarding difficulties keeping friends.
University was an utter nightmare. But experiences since, largely because of the
strain of securing long term work (that isn’t only low paid cleaning when I have a
university degree) have also put pressure on any friendships I was in the process of
forming.
All of this is made more difficult to bare by the denial that all of my family lives in -
whereby they either deny any autistic traits in themselves, yet treat mine (which I
could not manage to hide) as being reasons for shame, or they tell me that I don’t
really have any autism. At least the latter two show some support and acceptance of
my hypersensitivity. Most of my family treats it as a thing of shame. …so just more
rejection.

But the most irritating, poignant bit of it all is that I know people who are uncannily
similar to me, but who missed out on being bullied like I was and did not then suffer a
big work history gap when still in their twenties, and so they got to grow some roots
career wise.

I missed this chance to grow any roots, to get any stability and real confidence, and
even when I rally yet moe more time, the latest obstacle is now prejudice from
society at large in the form of my resume being all but completely ignored.

I know I have fallen through the cracks. That with just a bit of luck things could have
been so different. And that worst of all, a bully supervisor saw me as easy prey and
far from showing mercy for my obvious social naivety and stupidity, instead saw it as
a rationalization to subject me to abuse. Not unlike a popular Queen Bee using
underhanded tactics to set up and socially assassinate and torture a clueless nerd.

Needless to say, I hope that this person contracts a life long serious illness that
causes him massive unrelenting pain. Just as with one flip decision, he set my life on
a path of severe anxiety and repeat rejection. …I woul say that I hope that he goes
to hell, but seeing as he sent me there, I feel he deserves far worse.

conscious8alchemy
on July 9, 2014 at 6:54 am said:

Tania, am so looking forward to your book specifically aimed at health professionals

to help them diagnose correctly… wonderful news… My daughter is just about to
start school shes been screened and assessed scored into classic autism on the
ADOS test, speech very delayed; can only process 2 key words in a sentence;
cognitive score very low yet there is no correct diagnosis or help set up for her in
school… So until this changes I will keep her at home with me because she went to
school for the morning yesterday and completely disintegrated into floods of tears
when she was in the car… On questioning the teacher she had wandered from the
classroom… PLEASE HURRY ON AND EDUCATE THESE HEALTH
PROFESSIONALS WHO WE AS PARENTS AND OUR SPECIAL CHILDREN, ARE AT
THE MERCY OF ..

Ashe Skyler
on July 11, 2015 at 6:02 pm said:

Holy cow! Yes! Especially the referred emotion thing. But only with people I’m really
close to, like my husband and son. It’s not confusing for me, it feels about the same
as when you’re close a heater or freezer, it kind of radiates out to you. And it creates
such a fertile ground for me to make “mother’s intuition” jokes.
I guess I just naturally close everybody else off and that’s why I don’t feel theirs as
well. Usually when I’m around people that aren’t family I just want them to go away.
Heh.

unsocialgatherings
on August 12, 2015 at 3:48 pm said:

I went to my therapist with my concerns. I would like to know how I can get a proper
diagnosis? She told me I was only depressed and had anxiety and I’m being very
delusional. I know in my heart that this is me and it’s always been me. The symptoms
of Aspergers fits me so well that a lot of my closer friends pick up on it. Some have
even suggested it to me. I struggle in areas that it seems normal people should have
already grasp.

I’m at a place in my life where I can’t just mask my symptoms. Masking hurt in the
long run because I missed a lot of milestones essential for my transition into the real
world. I just want to live a productive life. I’m happy as can be. But I know that I have
to figure out how to support myself.

Tania A. Marshall M.Sc., Assoc. MAPS, Award Winning Author,

Psychologist
on August 13, 2015 at 5:54 am said:
 Can you please email me at tania@aspiengirl.com

Brenda M.
on October 23, 2015 at 6:25 pm said:

Diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, and PTSD,…and it seems the list
just keeps growing. Now finally at the age of 62, it’s as if someone switched a light on
for me! Thank you Thank you Thank you! I’m in therapy right now for all of the
above, and was ready to cancel my last appointment. Instead I decided to present
my therapist with what I’ve found on this site. While listening to her response (which
was very accepting of what I was saying) I found myself analyzing HER. Luckily I
caught myself right before opening my mouth to tell her I thought she might also be
on the spectrum, which to me appeared to be so very obvious. While I do have
another appt. scheduled with her,…I’m sure it will be my last because she hasn’t
really offered me anything I haven’t already tried.

My Aspergers husband is also in therapy (with a different therapist), and from what
he says, isn’t making much, if any progress at all either. Although we are both on the
Autism Spectrum, we are so very different. He’s a very calm passive good man with
little to no empathy. I on the other hand am the complete opposite, feeling as if I will
die if I spend one more moment in this emotional wasteland of our 12 year marriage.
Our differences are so great that I might as well be an NT. Knowing that I am an
Aspien Woman has helped us to some degree to understand the other,..although
our differences seem to be insurmountable for me at this time. He’s very open to
discussion,…. although it seems I’m the only one doing the talking. He will listen till
the cows come home,….and when I ask if he’s heard me, and if he has anything to
say about it;…he simply says that yes he’s listening, and repeats back to me the
things I’ve said. The whole scenario always leaves me feeling exhausted and
ashamed for expecting so much of someone who is simply doing the best he can. I
know I should probably make some friends, and start living my life, but instead I
isolate myself from the world. It’s a prison I’ve created for myself, but I don’t feel safe
stepping out of it. There’s no motivation left to do anything but wait for this lifetime to
be over. It’s not that I’m feeling sorry for myself,..just feeling so very tired of feeling,
thinking, and analyzing everything to death! Tired of trying to find some semblance
of “NORMAL” (whatever that is) in a world that feels insane to me. Still, I’m so very
grateful to have found this site,…thank you Tania!
 Parri Rosen
on July 7, 2016 at 2:32 am said:

I’ve always known my 11yr old daughter was different. Very different than any other
firls. It’s been a battle snce she was 9 months. The crying for long spells, getting
mad at a drop of a hat, OCD, questions for me for hours. …..I stumbled upon your
Web site a few weeks ago. I’ve made an appointment with a psychologist from your
list. Which will be in October. After reading all I did on your Web site, I felt convicted,
yet at the same time, relieved, that I what I had thought all these years has been
confirmed. I’m ordering your Aspeigirl. Would love to hear from other parents.

Tania A. Marshall M.Sc., 2016 & 2015 Gold Medal Award

Winning Author, 2016 &2015 Autism Australia National
Recognition Nominee, Psychologist
on July 8, 2016 at 7:46 am said:

Parri, thank you for your kind words and you’re so welcome I hope my
resources are helpful and please let me do know how it goes. Best wishes,
Tania

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Isadora Savage
on December 28, 2018 at 3:56 am said:

Reading this makes me feel a bit down because it’s so relateable. I didn’t ever
consider autism until I found myself drawn to people in the spectrum when I was
forced to be in a social setting (work). The honest and pragmatic view that my
autistic friends have when it comes to the “details” was something I deeply
empathized with. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 2 but I don’t trust the diagnosis
because I am such a self-controlled and reclusive person. It never sat right with me
and was given at a very hard time in my life.
My father had Asperger’s and died when I was a teenager. My mother raised me to
be very emotionally inteigent and polite, but I ended up being instead quite different
with very “masculine” traits in my personality – especially in how I socialize and
carry/assert myself. Oftentimes people think I am unfriendly or mad because I am
direct and aloof, it hurts not knowing how to work better in this world. I’ve found my
happiness in controlling my homespace, reading everything, and pursuing writing as
a career. It took me longer than my peers to get somewhere despite having a fairly
high IQ.

I guess at some point in my childhood I decided to just stop talking, and since have
always felt more comfortable in social settings where I don’t need to engage.

Tania A. Marshall M.Sc., Autism Ambassador for EPG and

Supply Desk, Psychologist and Trainer/Presenter
on February 6, 2019 at 9:58 am said:

Thank you so much for your reply it is very common to be diagnosed with
something that doesn’t fit properly this may be a misdiagnosis what you have
done well and is finding happiness in your home space and reading and
pursuing writing as a career for you was an excellent choice take care Tania

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Claire mitchell
on March 26, 2019 at 2:28 am said:

Hello my name is Claire. I received a diagnosis just two months ago, at almost 38
years old. I am a bit overwhelmed in this time. I also can’t stop obsessing and over
loading myself with information surrounding the topic. I found your articles very
positive and informative and would like to extend my gratitude toward the great work
you are doing. Thank you

Tania A. Marshall M.Sc., Autism Ambassador for EPG and

Supply Desk, Psychologist and Trainer/Presenter
on May 1, 2019 at 9:32 am said:
 Hi Claire, congratulations on your diagnosis, it is never too late and it is
priceless. I understand it’s overwhelming absolutely and it is very common
after the diagnosis to obsess about it and want to read everything about it I
encourage you to learn about your strengths and also start to focus on those
thank you for your kind words again. Tania

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