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AEE Episode 986: How to Deliver a Speech like Michelle Obama
Announcer: This is an All Ears English podcast Episode 986: “How to Deliver a Speech
like Michelle Obama”
[Instrumental]
Announcer: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 50
million times. We believe in Connection NOT Perfection ™, with your
American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer’, and Michelle
Kaplan, the ‘New York Radio Girl,’ coming to you from Boston and New
York City, U.S.A.
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[Instrumental]
Announcer: Do you have a presentation or speech coming up soon? In today's episode

we'll review top tips from Michelle Obama's speechwriter. We'll show you
which ones will help you become a better public speaker in English.
[Instrumental]
Michelle: Hey (hi) Lindsay, how's it going?
© All Ears English www.allearsenglish.com

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Lindsay: Hey (hi), not bad, Michelle. I've come down with a little bit of a head cold
and I have a vacation that I'm going on in just a couple of days, so I'm
thinking I gotta get better.
Michelle: Ohh no. I hope you feel better, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), thank you. But, you know, podcasting always makes me feel
better. So, I'm sure I will.
Michelle: That's good. Do you have any tips or, like, what do you do to try and feel
better when you...
Lindsay: Well, I've started taking this stuff called EmergenC, which is just a powder
that you're supposed to take it more when you feel something coming on.
Like, the day before or something, but, like, I was a little late to start taking
it, but now I'm just downing it. I'm downing it, like, five times a day.
Michelle: [laughter] Ohh boy. Alright. Well, good luck with that. Well, I guess that
was a plug for EmergenC. [laughter]
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), just, like, filling, like, inundating my body with vitamin C. That's
what I'm doing. [laughter]
Michelle: Yeah (yes). Okay, well, good luck. I hope you feel better, for sure.
Lindsay: Thanks.
Michelle: So, I have a question for you.
Lindsay: Alright, I'm ready.
Michelle: Have you ever heard that people are actually, there's, like, a percentage of
people who are more afraid of public speaking than they are of death?
Lindsay: Yes, I have heard that. Now, is that just in the U.S., or is that a worldwide
actual statistic? Do you know?
Michelle: I have no idea, I have no idea. But yeah (yes), I've heard it, I'm not sure
from where. I feel like I want to look into it because it's so... I mean, I
definitely heard that a ton of times.

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes), me too.
Michelle: But yeah (yes), I mean, it's such a huge fear, and I see that, I see that with
my students, that people are very afraid of public speaking. Are you afraid
of public speaking, Lindsay?
Lindsay: I am when I don't know the material that well and when I'm not super
passionate. If I'm really passionate about the topic, then I feel like that can
transcend my fear, my anxiety a little bit. I can get up there and I can just
speak straight from the heart. But when I'm kind of like, you know, neutral
about what I'm saying, I don't know it very well, then yeah (yes), I would
get really nervous.
Michelle: Right, right, right. I'm one of those strange people that actually gets a kick
out of public speaking.
Lindsay: That's awesome.
Michelle: I don't know. I think it's because I studied theater and, like, you know,
like, I have a good time, like, I think... It's not that I don't get nervous, and
I always get very quiet when I get nervous. Like, very quiet before a
speech or something like that, but I think also teaching and all these
things, that's just kind of like throwing myself out there.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). That's great, though. That's so good, Michelle.
Michelle: Thank you, thank you. So yeah (yes), but people definitely have a fear of
public speaking and it's very understandable. So, we have this great
article. It's from Bustle.com, and it's by Iman Hariri-Kia and it was from
about mid-June, and I thought that this could be a really good thing to talk
about today. So, the title is How To Overcome Your Fear Of Public
Speaking, According To Michelle Obama's Speechwriter. Okay?
Lindsay: Interesting.
Michelle: So, what do you think about Michelle Obama's public speaking skills?

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I mean, I know, I know she's a great speaker. I mean, she's also
very, very smart. She is a lawyer, I think. Did you ever see that movie
about how Michelle Obama and Barack Obama met?
Michelle: No. You saw it?
Lindsay: Yeah, like, it's a great movie.
Michelle: I'm going to watch it.
Lindsay: Like, they met in Chicago when she was in a law firm and he just came in
as, like, an internal, like, an entry-level person. And she was quite far
above him and he was kind of pestering her for a date and all this stuff.
But yeah (yes), I mean the two of them, both of them really, have great
speaking skills and amazing professional presence. Absolutely. And I'm
excited, actually, they were talking about Michelle Obama today.
Michelle: Yeah (yes).
Lindsay: Because the typical thing would be to talk about Barack Obama and that's
great, he's great, but let's talk about Michelle.
Michelle: [laughter] Yes. Besides sharing a name with him, I love Michelle Obama,
and I always have. I think she's just so elegant and just, like, really, just
really someone that people can look up to, and I love her public speaking
skills. She really is very inspiring, I think.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I agree. Let's get into it. I mean, so, she has a speechwriter, or
had one. Maybe still has one. This article, we're going to, like, share some
highlights and then comment on them, what we think.
Michelle: Definitely, definitely. So, we're not going to... It has a ton of tips and we'll
give you guys the link. So, this is why Sarah Hurwitz, I mean, this is her
speechwriter's name, and she was giving tips at the 2018 Teen Vogue
summit, it looks like. So, these are more about, you know, how to improve
your public speaking skills, how to be a better public speaker, but I think
that this goes into the fear. Right? Just, if you're better at it, you're not
going to be as, you know, scared. So, we're going to go through some of
the tips that I thought were the best, and like I said, we'll give you the

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links, and hopefully, you know, as you continue to improve that fear will
go down a little bit.
Lindsay: Definitely. So, I think our listeners are going to be ready for this, because
I'm sure some of you guys are having to give speeches in English, and it's
terrifying. I mean, when you bring it into your non-native language, your
second language, that's really scary, but we're going to help you guys out
today.
Michelle: Yes, yes, yes. Okay, great. So, Lindsay, what is the first tip that we're
going to talk about?
Lindsay: Okay, so the first tip from Sarah is, right, to be heard, not read.
Michelle: Right, to be heard, not read. So, this one, it makes me think of being in
class. Because I think it's really easy to focus on writing out a speech word
for word and thinking of it as more of writing a paper. Right?
Lindsay: Right.
Michelle: So, they talk about how, like, you can get stuck, right? If you're going to
write for someone to read it, you're going to be thinking about grammar
and punctuation. And it talks about here how writing and speaking are
different, so you should be writing with the idea that you are speaking,
and not that someone is just going to read this. And I think it's important
to remember that. And I've had this with students a lot, where people are
so focused on, you know, all the nitty gritty of, you know, the writing, and
it's not going to sound the same as if you're writing to speak something.
What do you think, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Ohh, yeah (yes). Michelle, I think you're right. I mean, we've all been in
the room when someone is giving a speech and it's stiff and it literally has
the tone of reading a book.
Michelle: Right, right.
Lindsay: And it's painful, you know? It's painful for the audience, it's painful for the
presenter, it's just not the way you want to go. I mean, who's going to
read your notes? No one but you. This is a speech, so we're focusing on

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verbal expression, not writing everything out correctly and then reading it
back as if you were reading a book or reading a novel or something.
[laughter]
Michelle: Right, right, right. I mean, for my students, I always say it's, like, kind of
my, I don't know why, I always say this to students, that with their
speeches, when they're practicing, if it's a speaking class that I'm teaching.
I want to grade your speeching. Your speeching. Ohh my God, what is
wrong with me today? Your speaking. I'm not looking to grade your
writing. Right? I want to hear how your speaking is. Right? And I
personally think it's good to use bullet points, like, so as not to sound
robotic and also you have to practice to sound natural.
Lindsay: Mhh hmm, totally. That's a big piece of it. Right? Is practicing, because
it's going to be impossible to sound natural as a spoken speech if you're
not practicing.
Michelle: Right, right, yeah (yes), that's so true. So yeah (yes), I think this is a really
good tip. What's the next one, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Okay, so she says, "Think about what you want the people to leave the
room knowing." It's, like, what's the point, right? What's the point?
That's the only thing that matters.
Michelle: Right, yeah (yes), I love this one. Because, you know, basically that talks
about how you have to keep your focus on the main takeaways. Right? So
your audience leaves knowing what they listened to and why. And then if
you keep these in mind, it's going to shape the way you write your speech.
And that's the same way for me for teaching, you know. I always have to
think, "Well, what do I want my students know by the end of class?" And
Lindsay, what do you think about this for how we plan our episodes?
Lindsay: For sure. I mean, you guys know that we always have a takeaway. We
usually have a takeaway and we try to make that very clear. We go back
and we think, "Okay, what is the one thing or two things that we want to
come away with?" All the rest is details, but what do we want, what kind

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of impact do we want to make on you guys? What do we want you to feel

or know or understand to connect better?
Michelle: Right, right, exactly. Because if you leave thinking, like, "What did I just
listen to?" Like, we haven't really done you, you know, any service. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Exactly, Michelle.
Michelle: Right, right, exactly. So, I think this is really important for when you're
planning a speech. Just to keep these things in mind. Because that's going
to keep your audience listening more when they're thinking, "Ohh, I really
want to know. I want to get to the main idea; I want to get to the
takeaways."
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Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I love that, I love that. Okay. Cool. What's next?
Michelle: Alright. Now, we had a couple that were kind of similar that I like. One is
"talk like a human being and use your own voice". Okay? So, this kind of
talks, is a little bit about the writing, but it says, you know, basically, you
know, try and be yourself. Don't be, like, too flowery with your language
or formal, and I hate to bring this up, but it makes me think of Donald
Trump. And that's a good thing, but a lot of Trump supporters say that
they like the way he talks because it's not like a politician.
Lindsay: I mean, he's a branding professional. Right? He's a marketing

professional, that's kind of why he does what he's always done. Right?
So, in that sense, he's very smart. Like, he understands how to talk to an
audience. That's what politicians, when they succeed, what they do well. I

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mean, Obama did the same thing in some ways, but he elevated the
conversation a lot more. Right? But he connected with his audience. But
I think Trump especially really uses specific language that triggers that
base, a very specific kind of person.
Michelle: Ohh, for sure.
Lindsay: That's another topic.
Michelle: I'm not saying that you should try and speak like Donald Trump. Actually,
quite the opposite.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). [laughter]
Michelle: Because that's really going to not sound good. But I think, though, that
yeah (yes), he is certainly not too formal. You know, just keeping in mind
that you don't want to sound robotic, that you don't want to sound like
you're, you know... It also depends on the audience, of course, to keep
that in mind. Is this really formal? Then, of course, you're going to up it
up, you're going to, like, increase the, you know, well, you're going to
change your language for that. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Like, it actually makes me think. I even remember Obama
when he was speaking, when he spoke in the South, I think I remember he
would, like, trail off by dropping his the -ing. Like "comin'". Like, I'd hear
instead of "coming here", "comin' here". Like, I would hear that
sometimes, and I think, "Wow, where is he speaking? What is he doing?
He's trying to sound like a local person a little bit."
Michelle: Right.
Lindsay: Did you ever notice that in his speeches?
Michelle: Yeah (yes), I guess. You know, I should... I love the way he speaks. I
should listen to [00:12:51], but it also makes me think of the word "folks",
that politicians use this word, "folks", which I hate because, you know, I
hear it all the time, but they do it to try and connect with, like, the average
person.

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes), that's interesting. Wow, there's a lot here. I mean, there's a
bunch of episodes we could do.
Michelle: Ohh yeah (yes).
Lindsay: We can take this in a bunch of different directions, but I think from this
point, I mean, using your own voice. Right?
Michelle: Yes, that's the key.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). What is your voice? I mean, politicians have to change their
voice based on where they are. Are they in the American South? Are they
in the Northeast? Different group of people, right? But you want to be
authentic. I mean, we use our own voices on this show quite a bit. Right?
Michelle: Yeah (yes), exactly, exactly. And I think, you know, hopefully, that's
effective, and you know, it makes, you know, definitely connects us to our
audience because they realize that we're real people. You know?
Lindsay: Exactly. You got it, Michelle.
Michelle: Okay. And the last two, I really, I think these ones are kind of cool and
unique. What is this next one, Lindsay?
Lindsay: So, she says, "Utilize the top half of the page only." What the heck does
that mean?
Michelle: This is really cool, and I never thought about this. She says to only write
on the top half or the top two thirds so that you don't... If you only write
on the top, if you write, like, all the way to the bottom of the page, you are
going to have to bend your neck more to look down at the bottom of the
page. And if you look down, it makes it harder for people to see your face,
and it's harder for you to speak.
Lindsay: So, you're talking about here, Michelle, we're standing at a podium, right,
with the page down on the podium? Is that right?
Michelle: Yeah (yes). Or, I mean, I guess if you're using index cards, I mean, that's a
little bit different, but if you are using a piece of paper, I'm not sure what
she would say in that situation, but basically just trying not to... If you are

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reading something, try and, you know, make it so that you're as

comfortable as possible. I guess that's the main part. Where people can
see you.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I mean, keeping the head up. There's something about body
language, and we have done episodes, like, Amy Cuddy had a TED talk that
I think we talked about on the show, actually, way back when, about the
importance of, like, having the right body language, and that's part of this
too. Having your chin up, your shoulders back, so whatever you can do to
get your body aligned in that direction will actually elevate your voice and
make you sound more confident.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), right, exactly. Sound and look more confident, and yeah (yes),
that's part of, you know, fake it ‘til you make it, that's what we say. Even if
you're nervous, if you look, you know, confident and get comfortable in
that kind of position with your body, then you're going to give off a
different impression than if you're kind of, like, you know, looking down
and, you know, not making eye contact, that type of thing.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), and that's a real hack for our listeners, right? That's a real
shortcut, because we're not going to be perfect, right? Connection NOT
Perfection, but how does that actually work in a speech? You guys, we
know not everything is going to be perfect in that speech, but the one
thing you can control is your body language and the confidence that you
convey, despite making all those mistakes.
Michelle: Right, right, right. So, yes, so, that's a little bit of a hack. I mean, you
know, I'm not encouraging you to go out and waste a ton of paper, but it
might help you in this situation. So, we’ve got one more for our listeners,
Lindsay. What's this last one?
Lindsay: So, Sarah says, "You cannot rely on the audience." Interesting. Yeah (yes).
Michelle: This I think is very important because I think part of the fear is worrying so
much about what the audience thinks and, of course, of course that's
natural, and you want to do a good job and it's, you know, you have to
think about them a little bit. But, basically, Sarah talks about how it's really

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hard to impress an audience, and if you get up there and you don't feel a
real connection with the audience, don't worry. Don't, like, "Ohh my gosh,
it's over." Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes).
Michelle: The key is, in that moment, to be excited about, you know, the topic, to be
excited about what you're talking about, have passion, and that will really
drive your speech. What do you think, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I mean, connect with the topic. If the audience doesn't
connect with the topic, it may not be about you, it might be about the
topic itself. Right? They're just not interested. [laughter]
Michelle: Right.
Lindsay: And yeah (yes), I mean, I think the best we can do is just show up, try to be
strong, connect with the material, and try to engage the audience, but
you can't control other people. You just can't control what they do. Right,
guys? So, don't let that be an automatic indication of how well you did in
the speech. It might have a lot more to do with, like, okay, what happened
that morning to the audience member? Did they, like, spill their coffee on
their lap or something and then their leg hurts or something? I don't
know.
Michelle: Right. So, don't let that make it, like, like Lindsay said, don't make that the
whole reason you feel successful or unsuccessful in your speech, and
especially while you're making it. You know? Just take the pressure off of
yourself, focus on the content and how you feel about it. Right? And you
should feel, you know, passionate about what you're talking about,
hopefully. I know it's not always going to be that way, but just focus on
the content. The rest will follow. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I love that, I love that. So, Michelle, what's the takeaway
today? What do we want to leave our listeners with?
Michelle: Well, guys, if you want to, if you need to give a speech or you want to give
a speech, maybe this is a part of, you know, work for you or whatever it

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may be, you know, there are a lot of tips on how you can improve. If you
follow these tips and really practice it and take it to heart, I think that your
fear will start to diminish. I mean, it's always going to be there a little bit, I
think. So, basically, I think that the most important one is basically to be
yourself, be comfortable, speak naturally and take away the pressure.
That's what I think. Lindsay, any other ideas?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I mean, just, if you know you're afraid of speaking in public,
don't procrastinate until the day before then try to practice, take a
proactive role. Right? Like, maybe join Toastmasters. If you know you
have a speech coming up, let's say in a month, join Toastmasters and
actually attack what you feel is a weakness. Like, actually approach it with,
like, your shoulders back. That's a good gesture in life, right? If we have a
challenge, something we don't feel we're good at, we're going to get
better at it. We're not going to shy away and then panic the night before.
We're going to take it on. Take on the challenge.
Michelle: Exactly, exactly, guys. So, you know, we'll leave you guys the link to this
article so you can see all of the tips. And yeah (yes), any final thoughts,
Lindsay, or are we good to go?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I mean, I want to go back and watch some of the speeches by
Michelle Obama, Barack Obama. I mean, anyone who is a good speaker.
Also model them, watch them. You know, watch their great speeches.
Michelle: Right. Try and find someone that you connect with and that you want to
kind of, yeah (yes), to be your role model for giving speeches.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), so cool, so cool. Alright. Well, thanks for bringing this article
today, very interesting and very useful for our listeners who might be
giving any speeches this summer in English. Good luck, guys.
Michelle: For sure, thanks guys, thanks for listening and have a good one.
Lindsay: Alright, bye.
Michelle: Bye.

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AEE Episode 987: Mark’s Tips on How to Raise Multilingual Children
Announcer: This is an All Ears English podcast Episode 987: “Mark’s Tips on How to
Raise Multilingual Children”
[Instrumental]
York City, U.S.A.
[Instrumental]

[Instrumental]
Announcer: Are you raising your children to be multilingual? On today's episode, get
italki teacher Mark's advice on how to incorporate different languages as
your children are growing up.
[Instrumental]
Announcer: Hey guys, today you're going to meet Mark. He's going to share valuable
information on how to raise multilingual children. But if you want to work
on your fluency with this excellent teacher, go to AllEarsEnglish.com/italki

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and register there as a new user to get $10 off your second lesson. Again,
that's AllEarsEnglish.com/ITALKI.
[Instrumental]
Michelle: Hey there, Mark. How are you doing?
Mark: I'm very good, thank you. And yourself?
Michelle: I'm doing well, I'm doing well. We're excited to have you on the show
today. You are a teacher over at italki. Is that right?
Mark: That's correct, yes.
Michelle: Okay, great. You're based in Spain, right?
Mark: Yeah (yes), in the very South, in Andalusia.
Michelle: Ohh, wow. Okay. So, what's the weather like there?
Mark: Actually, surprisingly, it's only got hot today. We've got the worst
weather, just being rainy. I was actually wondering what country I was in
for a lot of time, to be honest.
Michelle: Really? Okay. So, it's a bit unusual right now.
Mark: Basically, yeah (yes). But today it's really started to get hot. Summer's
finally arrived.
Michelle: Okay, okay. Yeah (yes), that's kind of how it is over where I am, too. It's
getting hotter. But yeah (yes), and you are from Wales?
Mark: That's the one, yes. I live in a hot country, but I'm originally from a cold
country. Maybe not cold, but at least wet.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), right, right, right. Okay. I was in Wales once, it was beautiful. I
went horseback riding there, actually.
Mark: Wow. I presume it rained.
Michelle: I think it did. All my pictures... I mean, this was, like, ten years ago, but all
my pictures are, like, very cloudy, but it was beautiful, still.

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Mark: Yeah (yes), it's quite cool, as in temperature-wise, but yeah (yes), as we
say in Wales, if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes.
Michelle: [laughter] That's funny, I like that. And I wanted to know if you were
getting any sleep because you, congratulations, just had a second child. Is
that right?
Mark: Yes, second. I know. You think I'd learn from my mistakes, but no, I went
for a second child.
Michelle: [laughter]
Mark: Yeah (yes), I miss sleep so much. It's such a beautiful thing.
Michelle: And from the first one, do you know, like, when does that kind of start to
get better? Or does it never get better?
Mark: It definitely does get easier. For me, I thought after four months I seem to
relax a little bit more. It's very different to have a second child. You know,
the first child, you kind of, you're scared of every single noise. If they're
sleeping too much, like, "Why are they sleeping too much?", if they don't
sleep, "Why aren't they sleeping?" It's bit worrying. This time I'm a bit
more relaxed.
Michelle: Right, right, right. Okay, well, that's good, that's good. Okay. And the
baby is good, I'm sure she's adorable.
Mark: Yeah (yes), she's very cute. She takes after her mother, so she's quite
lucky that way.
Michelle: Ohh, that's so sweet. That's interesting. So, you said, you were telling me
that you were going to stay in Spain. That's where you're set.
Mark: Yes. I absolutely love it. Now that the weather has just turned and it's
nice and hot.
Mark: Actually, for me it's one of the best countries to bring up a family. Like, it's
very family-oriented here.

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Michelle: Yeah (yes)? Ohh wow, that's great, that's great. So, is that something that
you... Like, when you first moved to Spain, were you are thinking about
that at all or did it just kind of work out?
Mark: It kind of worked out, to be honest. I moved for, well, to be honest, for
the weather and for the culture.
Mark: But then, yeah (yes), just everyone is so open and nice. Yeah (yes). Since
having my second daughter, everyone likes to speak to, they stop you on
the streets, ask you how you are. Mainly how your children are, but yeah
(yes), so sweet like that.
Michelle: That's so nice. So, what language will your daughters learn? I guess
they're going to be really multilingual?
Mark: Well yeah (yes). I'm Welsh, so I speak a little bit of Welsh. Of course I
speak English. I hope I speak English.
Michelle: [laughter] You sound good.
Mark: For now it's okay, yeah (yes). I live in Spain; so, of course, she's going to
have Spanish. And my wife and her family are from Hong Kong. So, she
speaks Cantonese as well.
Michelle: Ohh wow, ohh wow. These girls are so lucky; they're going to have a ton
of different languages to use in their lives.
Mark: Yeah (yes). So much. And then, I think once you've learned, or you know
bases for one or two languages, you can kind of take on and learn more.
Kind of know the way languages work. I think that growing up bilingual,
it's going to be amazing for her. Or them, sorry.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), that's wonderful. So, how many languages do you... So, you
have Welsh, English, and so you speak Spanish then?
Mark: Yeah (yes).
Michelle: And then do you also speak Cantonese, you said?

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Mark: Not really, no. You know, of course, you know, with my mother-in-law I
have to thank her for the food.
Michelle: [laughter]
Mark: The food's amazing, it's so good. So yeah (yes), I know, you know, "please"
and "thank you” and all kind of basics. Yeah (yes), not so much.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Okay, interesting. So, I know today that you were
going to give some tips for our listeners about raising children who are
multilingual. Is that right?
Mark: They're kind of my tips. I wouldn't say they were fully researched. It's
more of a trial and error that I personally, me and my wife, have gone
through.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), well, I mean, what better way to learn how to do something?
Guys, I just want direct you to, because this is not the first time that Mark
has been on our show, he was also on for Episode 528. So, if you want to
take a listen to that one, that one was about aviation tactics and learning
English. So, that's episode 528. So, let's get into it. What advice do you
have? So, what's the first thing that you would tell someone who's going
to raise a multilingual child?
Mark: I think the first thing is only use your native language when speaking to
your child. I just found, you know, if I'm going to speak Spanish, my
Spanish is okay, it's quite good. But I think my accent is still very much
British. I'm not going to be able to change a lot of the pronunciations, and
you know, she's in, I'm quite lucky that she's in a Spanish environment.
When she leaves the house she listens to Spanish and the way it should be
spoken. It's a very Andalus accent, Andalus from Andalusia, but it's a local
dialect. I kind of like that, to be honest. I like to pick up the local accent.
Michelle: That's interesting. My mother, her parents, their native language was
German. It's interesting because, I guess, yeah (yes), they spoke to her
only in English, but they would speak to my grandmother and grandfather,
would speak to each other in German. And my mother tells a story that,
you know, she never realized that they had an accent when they were

20
speaking English, because they didn't speak German to her. Right? So,
they mostly spoke English. So, not their native language. When she went
to sleep away camp when she was a teenager, she was away for, like, six
weeks and when she came back she said, "Ohh my gosh, I never realized
you had an accent."
Mark: Wow, okay. Obviously, kids, of course, kids, that's all they do, is copy.
Michelle: Right, right.
Mark: Everything you say, they just copy it. That's not just the vocabulary and
grammar, that's the actual pronunciation and intonation and everything.
Michelle: Right, right. So, I never thought about it in that way, but I guess, yes,
speaking your native language would be the best way to make sure that,
you know, that they can pick up the local dialect, the pronunciation, and
all of that. So that's a really, really good, unique tip, I like that. Alright.
So, you're going to be speaking... Well, you're going to be speaking Welsh
to them, are you?
Mark: Kind of. In Wales we have the language of Welsh.
Michelle: Right.
Mark: Only twenty percent of the country actually speaks the language, but
there's a lot of integration between, you know, when people speak English
they kind of, like, Welsh words have creeped in. So, it's a Welsh word, but
even if you speak, you know, you don't speak Welsh, you still use this
word. To give an example, there's a word that I absolutely love, which all
of Welsh people love. It's called "cwtch".
Michelle: Cwtch.
Mark: Yeah (yes), cwtch. It means to hug.
Michelle: Aww.
Mark: But we use it in all sorts of ways. We can all say, you know, something it's
quite small and nice, "Ohh, it's very cwtch." It's, like, cozy almost.

21
Michelle: Ohh, that's cool. I like that. Okay. So, kind of like a little bit of, like, the
slang, like, mixed in with English. So, that's what you'll be speaking to her?
Mark: Basically, yeah (yes). When I say goodnight to her, I say "nos da", which is
"goodnight" in Welsh. Actually, her grandparents, this is where it gets
really confusing. Because my parents are Welsh, so we call them "mam-
gu" and "dad-cu". Which is, you know, "grandma" and "grandpa". But on
the other side, because they're Cantonese, it's "poh poh" and "gung gung".
She already has this kind of separation between kind of what are
grandparents.
Michelle: Really interesting.
Mark: And also, you know, when she's here in Spain, when we first tried to
explain to her friends, it's like, "That's her grandmother." She's like,
"What's a grandmother?" So, it was mam-gu or poh poh.
Michelle: Ohh, that's interesting, that's interesting. Okay. So, different names for
everybody.
Mark: Exactly, and it gets kind of confusing. Yeah (yes). Okay, awesome. So,
very interesting tip. What's the second thing that you would tell our
listeners that are raising multilingual children?
[Instrumental]
Announcer: Mark's schedule is filling up for the summer. So, if you want to get quality
lessons with this effective teacher, go right now to
AllEarsEnglish.com/italki. Then go to Mark's profile, which we'll announce
at the end of the episode today. That's AllEarsEnglish.com/ITALKI.
[Instrumental]
Mark: Well, this is actually where this, you know, this comes into play a little bit.
Don't introduce too many languages too early on. Okay? My eldest
daughter, she's now four, so she went to nursery, because we wanted her
to have that kind of integration. At first she did really struggle with the
two languages. You know, I felt if I pushed kind of Welsh or Cantonese as
well, I think that would really confuse her, because, you know, she took a

22
long time to actually speak. Because, you know, she comes home to kind
of an English-speaking environment. She goes to nursery and it's one-
hundred percent Spanish environment. So, you know, she got confused.
Yeah (yes), her speech was actually quite delayed. I'm not saying that's
going to happen with every child, but you know, for my child that's what
kind of happened.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). You think just, like, kind of taking, you know,
smaller steps and then maybe introducing more, you know, later on? Yeah
(yes), because it's... Gosh, I mean learning, it can take a while. I mean,
children, of course, like, you know, they say that children can learn so
much easily when they're young, but I guess, like, you just have to make
sure that you find a good balance.
Mark: Exactly, exactly, yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Kids are sponges, they soak up
everything.
Michelle: Right, right, right.
Mark: Even the bad things you say, so you got to be careful there.
Michelle: [laughter] That's right, that's right. Okay, okay. So, don't introduce too
much too soon, or else it could be, you know, be kind of like information
overload.
Mark: Yeah (yes). Because, actually, my daughter's four now, and I think now,
now she can kind of count to ten in four languages already. Quite
impressive. I can't do that, but she can.
Michelle: No, I can't too, that's amazing. Okay, so, like, yeah (yes), that's really
impressive. So yeah (yes), it's about finding that right balance and not
making sure that you just say, "Okay, all the languages right away."
Mark: Exactly, yeah (yes), yeah (yes). When they want some milk, what language
do they use?
Michelle: Right, right, right, exactly. Okay, excellent, okay. And so you have another
tip for how to, you know, raise these children. What is it?

23
Mark: When you're teaching a language, you have to teach the culture that
comes with the language. Language is not just words. It's a culture.
Actually, I have this quote from Nelson Mandela, one of the greatest
people of all time. He said, "If you talk to a man in a language he
understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language that
goes to his heart." I think it's true, you know. When you speak to
someone in their native language, they communicate better, they can
express themselves better.
Mark: Yeah (yes), you've got to gain interest.
Michelle: Right.
Mark: If you just teach in English, they might resent English. Like, "I don't like
English, it's difficult for me." If you start to teach it with, you know, a bit of
culture, you know, how you do things or different TV programs that they
might like in that language, then it's like, "I like it." It's a fun thing to do.
Michelle: Right, yeah (yes). Especially for kids. You got to make it fun. I mean, for
adults, too. I mean, I know that, you know, for our listeners and for
students that I have as well, you know, you have to make it fun and
interesting, and part of that is just really explaining the culture, I think.
Mark: Yeah (yes), absolutely. There are some languages that you probably won't
to know how the language works until you realize, you know, how the
culture works.
Mark: To give an example, when I lived in South Korea for a year, and when I
asked them, "How do you say 'hello'?" They're like, "Well it's ‘annyeong
hashimnikka or 'annyeonghaseyo'". "What? Why is there two?" It's so
confusing. Which one do I use?
Michelle: Right.

24
Mark: But I was then told it was, like, a hierarchy between people. You know,
you've got, like, to respect your elders and, you know, who's kind of higher
up the ladder, the corporate ladder, and all these types of things. I was
like, "Okay, so I have to learn the culture of Korea before I actually say
hello."
Michelle: Right, right, right, that's so, what a great point. Okay, wonderful. Okay.
So, just to review, you know, the tips are only use your native language
when speaking to your child, don't introduce too many languages too early
on, and integrate the culture. Is there anything you wanted to add, any
other advice you have for parents of children who they are hoping to be
multilingual?
Mark: Just basically, you know, don't expect anything to happen overnight. It's
really difficult to learn a language, so don't expect your children on the
first day of going to, you know, to English class or whatever language class
when they come home, "They don't really speak anything." You know,
that comes later. They're going to absorb the language before they can
kind of reproduce it. So yeah (yes), just patience for that. I did find my
daughter did take a while to speak in either language, not just English.
And Spanish as well. And I was kind of, "What's wrong? Why can't she
speak?" But yeah (yes), it's difficult, you know? She's learning double the
amount of language that a monolingual child would learn.
Michelle:
: Right, right. Okay, well, this has been really, really valuable information.
I'm sure that our listeners can get a lot out of it. So, before we go, I
wanted to talk about how our listeners can book a lesson with you,
because you have a lot of really valuable information to share. I know you
teach different kinds of lessons and so I just wanted to direct our listeners.
So, what you should do if you want to book a lesson with a Mark? You
should go to AllEarsEnglish.com/italki. That's AllEarsEnglish.com/ITALKI.
And there you are going to get our special deal, so you must register there
first to get $10 in free credits after you book one lesson, so it will be for

25
then the second lesson. Okay? And then after you do that, you can go to
Mark's profile. Mark, can you read your url out for our listeners?
Mark: Yes, it's www.italki.com/user/2936685.
Michelle: Okay, great. Okay. You want to read it one more time for us?
Mark: Yes, of course, that's www.italki.com/user/2936685. Or you could actually

look for my full name, which is David Mark Evans, because I use my second
name, so that's even more complicated.
Michelle: [laughter] Okay, awesome. But guys, remember, to book that lesson first
you got to go to AllEarsEnglish.com/italki to get the special deal. Okay?
So, you got to register there first and then go to find Mark. So, this has
been wonderful. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us
today, and yeah (yes), I can't wait to hear how everything goes and
definitely keep in touch.
Mark: Yeah (yes), thank you. It's been a pleasure.
Michelle: Thank you, Mark. Have a great day and good luck with your little girls.
Mark: Thank you. Hopefully, I'll get some sleep some day.
Michelle: I hope so too. Have a good day.
Mark: Okay, thank you, bye.
Michelle: Thanks, bye.
[Instrumental]

26
AEE Episode 988: How to Connect With a Friend Who Has Lost
Someone in English
Announcer: This is an All Ears English podcast Episode 988: “How to Connect With a
Friend Who Has Lost Someone in English”
[Instrumental]
York City, U.S.A.
[Instrumental]

[Instrumental]
Announcer: What should you say when your friend has lost someone in their life?
Today, we review an article that critiques common ways to offer support
and we offer our own opinion on which ones will lead to better
connections in English.
[Instrumental]

27
Michelle: Hey (hi) Lindsay, how are you doing?
Lindsay: Hey (hi) Michelle, not too bad, hanging in there.
Michelle: Okay, awesome. So, today, we're going to talk about something a little bit
sad.
Michelle: What is it, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Well, we're going to talk a little bit about loss and death and we might
touch on suicide a little bit here. Because there's some things, well, first of
all, there are some things that have been happening the last few weeks in
American culture. There have been a couple of high-profile suicides,
actually.
Lindsay: A couple of big names have killed themselves, and when this came out I
was shocked to see this particular statistic saying that suicide in the U.S.
has risen by more than thirty percent in twenty-five states across the U.S.
since '99.
Michelle: Ohh my goodness.
Lindsay: That's huge, Michelle, thirty percent.
Michelle: Wow.
Lindsay: So, I've seen this, I got this statistic today from Business Insider, but I had
seen this quote, this statistic, when these news stories came out a few
weeks ago.
Michelle: So, who was it that, just to tell our listeners, who was that killed
themselves?
Lindsay: Well, two people. So, the first one, it was in the same week, too, which is
crazy. But Kate Spade, who you guys might know the name Kate Spade
because she created the bags, Kate Spade bags. She was a huge fashion

28
icon, created this massive brand that people love, and then later in the
week it was who, Michelle?
Michelle: Anthony Bourdain.
Michelle: Yeah (yes). He hosts a show, a travel show, but more than just, like, "Ohh
this is this spot, this is that spot." Like, very, like, cultural show, focused
on food and people and a really great show. Two people that I actually
admired. I don't even really know much about fashion or designers, but
that is the one person that I knew I could spot her stuff and I'd be like,
"Ohh, it's adorable."
Michelle: That's really the only person, and then Anthony Bourdain, I just loved his
show.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), they were both...
Michelle: It was sad.
Lindsay: Both of them in their own domains were very relatable people. Like, the
art that they produced was very much for, like, your everyday person, not
so much for, like, super wealthy people. Right? Kate Spade created a bag
that, yeah (yes), it was upscale, but not, like, out of this world expensive, I
think. I didn't have any of her bags, but I think she tried to create
something that was available for most people, I think. Anyways, yeah
(yes), crazy.
Michelle: Yeah (yes). That was hard, that week. We do have a listener question
dealing with death. So sorry to kind of take it here today, but guys, we did
have a question, and it is a good question. So yeah (yes). Let's get into it.
So, we have talked about this topic before. On Episode 845 we spoke
about America's obsession with death. So, if you want to go over and
listen to that one... I am sorry to sound so gloomy and our voices are
changing and everything, but you know, it's... You know, we can't avoid it.
And then on Episode 608 we talked about how to talk to a friend who's

29
lost someone. So guys, those are two episodes that you might want to
check out. So, but today, we do have a listener question about this topic.
So, Lindsay, do you want to read it?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), so I'll dive in. So, here we go. So, the person says, "Hello,
Lindsay and Michelle, this is Yuki from Japan. I listen to All Ears English
while commuting, while I'm walking my dog, while I'm eating with my
headphones on because my family watches TV, of course in Japanese, and
I'm pretty much not interested in any programs. I know it's not good
manners, though. I feel like listening to All Ears English, especially after I
get tired of listening to the news, so that I can relax and learn at the same
time." Hey, that's awesome, Yuki. That's great.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), thank you.
Lindsay: That's our goal, right? There you go.
Michelle: That's right.
Lindsay: She says, here we go. I think Yuki's a guy's name. Sorry, I got confused.
Sometimes it's hard for me to remember male or female names, so I
apologize. So anyways, "Here's my question. I was watching another
English podcast and they featured a phrase that you can use in a funeral,
which was 'I'm sorry for your loss', and an American teacher commented
that you can say that to colleagues or acquaintances, but not to friends or
someone close. I thought I could say that to anybody, including friends. I
know other phrases like 'my condolences', 'my thoughts are with you',
'you're in my thoughts'. Are there other phrases that you can say to
comfort someone, especially friends? I haven't thought that I would ask
you guys any questions. I'm kind of nervous thinking if you'll pick my
question and read my e-mail on All Ears English." We did.
Michelle: We did.
Lindsay: Anyway, "Thank you so much for your time and for reading ‘til the end.
Hope you had a nice weekend." Okay. Cool, Yuki, awesome. Good
question.

30
Michelle: Thank you. It is a good question. You know, Yuki, we definitely want to
direct you to Episode 608 on what to say to someone in English who's
grieving. But just, you know, to really quickly answer this and then we're
going to get into something else that's really very relevant to Yuki's
question. So basically, "I'm sorry for your loss", so that's the typical thing
to say. Do you think it's good for friends, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Well, I think it's a little bit distant.
Lindsay: I think maybe this teacher that told Yuki that is correct in a sense, it's not
the worst thing, but it puts a little bit of, like, a distance between you and
the person, a little bit unfamiliar, that feeling of that's all you're going to
say. Like yeah (yes), I would say for a good friend, just saying "I'm sorry for
your loss" would feel kind of cold.
Michelle: Yeah (yes). I think so too, I think so too. I think you would really probably
take it in another direction. You might say that, like, to their parent or if
they're, you know, if they have a relative that you don't know that well.
But to them you would just say, "Ohh my gosh, I'm so sorry." You know,
we'll get into a little bit more. But yeah (yes), "my thoughts are with you",
that's good but, I think it's the same. And also "you're in my thoughts",
also fine.
Lindsay: Are we saying it's fine, those two last phrases are fine for friends or not
fine for friends?
Michelle: I think that they're similar to the first one, which is "I'm sorry for your loss"
or "my condolences". I think those are a little bit, put some more distance
to it. Right?
Michelle: You know, we're going to talk more about this as we go through the
episode.
Lindsay: Okay.

31
Michelle: So yeah (yes), I mean, I'm not sure. So, one thing that this made me think
of, I'm not sure where my husband heard this from, but he told me once
that he heard somewhere that you should say to someone, if you didn't
know the person who they lost very well, that you should really ask them
about the person. Right? Like, what was he like or what was she like?
Because this lets them tell you what the person meant to them. Right?
And maybe share some stories. And that's, like... If they want, if they
want. What do you think about that, Lindsay?
Lindsay: I think that's great, and I mean, I don't have a ton of experience with, you
know, close people losing people close. I mean, obviously, people have
passed away, but I don't have a ton of experience with these
conversations. But yeah (yes), I think generally people just want to be
heard. Like, they want to be listened to. They just want an ear, especially
if they are close friends, so saying something like "what was he like",
"what was she like", and then just being quiet and really listening, and just
being there, maybe holding their hand or something if it's a close person.
Lindsay: Then that's fine, like, that's more than enough.
Michelle: Right, right, right, yeah (yes). I agree. So guys, today, actually, I found this
article that I felt would go with this well. It's from Prevention.com. It's by
Julie Halpert, written on March 16th, 2017, so a little bit back, but I think
it's really relevant to this question. So, it's about what not to say to your
friend who is grieving. Okay? So, we're going to kind of come at this
question from this angle.
Michelle: So, we're going to go through a few of them and share our thoughts of
what you shouldn't say. This is what the article says what you shouldn't
say and what you should say. This is straight from the article and we'll get
to our thoughts as well. So, we'll go through a few of them, and we'll
leave you guys a link. So, the first one is... So, what's something you
should not say, Lindsay?

32
Lindsay: Okay. So, you shouldn't say "I know how you feel".
Michelle: Okay. Instead you should say?
Lindsay: You could say "I can't imagine what you're going through." And why is
that, you know, people, you shouldn't say, "I know how you feel"?
Michelle: Right. Because, the article talks about how, you know, most people,
unfortunately, have lost someone, but you didn't lose this specific person
in the way that your friend did.
Michelle: Right? Yeah (yes), you can have, you know, sympathy and feel that you
have, like, empathy as well, and you do, of course, but just to say that kind
of sounds like, "Well, you didn't lose this person in the same way that I
had." Unless it is a person that you both were, you know... But it's, but
this is more about, like, comforting a friend. It sounds more like we're
talking about somebody who maybe we didn't have that relationship with.
So, like, yes, you know how maybe death feels, how it feels to lose
somebody, but you don't want to emphasize that right now. It's about this
person and their loss.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I mean, it could belittle their experience. It could, like, take
away, could make them feel like you're not acknowledging, your just
saying, "It feels the same for everyone, I've been through it too. I can
understand." But you really can't, because you don't... Exactly. As you
said, Michelle. I agree with that. Do you agree?
Michelle: Yeah (yes). I think that this is a really interesting tip, you know, not
something that people would think of necessarily. I mean, you know, this
is not like a teaching English article. Right? So, what I'm trying to say is
that this is for something that native speakers may say and not realize that
it could give off the wrong vibe. Right?
Lindsay: Exactly. So, today we're critiquing native English. [laughter] Right?
Michelle: Exactly.

33
Lindsay: So, we are showing you... All these phrases or phrases the natives do say.
Right?
Lindsay: But which ones are better and which ones will help you really connect in
such a crucial moment. Right?
Michelle: Ohh, yeah (yes).
Lindsay: Because it's such... For a friendship, like, that could determine the future
of your friendship with that person, how well you support them or don't
support them.
Michelle: Ohh, yeah (yes).
Lindsay: This is connection. Right?
Michelle: Ohh, yes.
Lindsay: Just because it's in another language doesn't mean you have an excuse.
Right? If this person is a good friend of yours and maybe they're a native
English speaker and you're not, you still want to try to step up and offer
the right support. So guys, yeah (yes).
Michelle: Mhh hmm, mhh hmm. Right, right, right. So alright, yeah (yes), good
point, Lindsay. So, what's the next one? What's something you should not
say?
[Instrumental]
Announcer: Hey, guys. If you feel like you are listening to this podcast all of the time
but you're still not able to connect, then there are Seven Simple Secrets
that you should know about so that you can really build those connections
that you want and you can get these seven secrets in a free video. Go to
AllEarsEnglish.com/secrets to get your video today.
AllEarsEnglish.com/secrets
[Instrumental]
Lindsay: Okay. So, this is kind of a cliché. "Don't say he's in a better place."

34
Michelle: Okay. And it says to say, and this is, you know, we can talk about this, it
says to say, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Okay, so this one, it talks about
how this gets into religion, "He's in a better place".
Lindsay: Ohh.
Michelle: Right.
Lindsay: Right.
Michelle: Which, maybe your friend doesn't, you know, like, everybody has a
different feeling about what happens to them after you die. So, just saying
that to someone, especially if you don't know how they feel about that.
Michelle: And also it doesn't mention, this article talks about how it doesn't say
anything about your friend and their personal loss. Right? It's just saying
like, "Ohh, they're in a better place." Like, "Great, I'm also hurting." You
know?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).
Michelle: It's not really talking to their pain.
Lindsay: Okay. So then the alternative, the better option is actually speaking more
directly to them, that person, your friend.
Michelle: Right.
Lindsay: Right? By saying, this is what they suggest, they suggest, "I'm so sorry for
your loss." Right. Yeah (yes).
Michelle: I mean, you know, and talking about that phrase, I mean I still think it
sounds a little bit formal, like "I'm so sorry for your loss". I think adding
"so" actually makes it a little bit more, a little bit better. I don't know, but
"I'm so sorry for your loss", and then continuing. I don't know, that's that's
how I feel about that phrase.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I think you're right. Saying "so" makes it more improvised.

35
Lindsay: It makes it more spontaneous, that's what it does to that.
Michelle: Right, right, right, right, right.
Lindsay: So, instead of taking that sound bite that you copied from a textbook, "I'm
sorry for your loss", "I'm so sorry for your loss", right? "I'm so sorry for
your loss. What can I do? How can I help?" You know, that kind of thing.
Okay?
Michelle: Right, right, right. Okay, let's move on to the next one, we have a couple
more. So, what is this, what should you not say, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Okay. So, another cliché, these are all clichés, I guess, but we've talked
about clichés in the last couple of weeks, guys. Go back and type in the
search bar "cliché" and see what comes up. You can do that now if you're
on the iOS app too, by the way. Alright, so, here it is, "he or she lived a full
life".
Michelle: So, it says not to say that. But what should you say instead?
Lindsay: You could say, "What did you love most about him or her?" So, that's kind
of along the lines of "What was he like?"
Michelle: Right, like my husband said. Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). So, Lindsay, why
shouldn't you say "he or she lived a full life", like, according to the article?
Lindsay: I mean, maybe it's kind of dismissing and saying, like, it's okay that they're
gone because they lived well.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), exactly. I mean, they talk about how, okay, even if the person
was one hundred, I mean, it still hurts. Right? And, like, yes, like, of
course, okay, if they lived a long life or they lived a good life, like, great. Of
course that's wonderful, but there's no need to point that out as, like, a
source of comfort. You're still missing that person, there's no point in
saying it. You know, the article talks about that, and, like, that kind of goes
for what you should say about what did you love most, like I said, what
Dan, my husband, said. It goes back to seeing if the person wants to talk

36
about their loved one, rather than just be, like, "Ohh yeah (yes), they had a
full life."
Lindsay: That's true. Yeah (yes), that's true. I mean, this is really, guys, getting into
the nuances of native English. Right? I mean, just take it slow, write down
some of these phrases, and don't worry too much. I mean, this is going to
push you to the next level for these kinds of situations.
Michelle: Ohh, yeah (yes). I mean, I think that this is really key for connection and
such a, like you said, a crucial time in somebody's life. Okay, let's do one
more.
Lindsay: Okay.
Michelle: So, the last one is, don't say "call me if you need anything". Okay? That
sounds funny. So, what should you say, Lindsay?
Lindsay: You should say, "I'll be by at noon and take you to lunch."
Michelle: Okay, that's a little bit of exaggeration, and I think you're not going to, like,
just tell them exactly, you know. But what do you think about this one,
Lindsay?
Lindsay: Well, just the theme of it. I mean, maybe the phrases we could adjust, but
the theme of it is that you're asking them to take the... Kind of take the
lead in contacting you, but instead you think of things you could do for the
person and do that. Like, maybe you just come over with dinner cooked,
and well, if they don't want it, then you leave it for them. If they want
space, you go home, but you take the action. Don't ask them to take the
action.
Michelle: Right, because it talks about how, like... If you say, you know, "If you need
something." Like, your friend may feel like you're not really giving them an
invitation. Right? Of course they need someone. Right? Everybody deals
with it in their different way. Some people want someone to talk to,
maybe some people don't. But if you offer to be there at a more specific
time or you just take the lead, see if they're interested, like Lindsay said.
And you know, I think also it's important, it helps people, some people, to

37
keep busy. So, if you give them some sort of structure, say, you know, "I'd
like to bring you dinner Tuesday night." Or you know, it shows them that
your offer is sincere. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes), I like that. Cool. Okay, so, this is good.
Wow. This is a very advanced episode today.
Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Well, I mean, I think it's, you know...
Personally, like, from my experience and things I've read and whatever, I
think it's very important to be there for someone and not to pretend that
it didn't happen.
Michelle: Right? I think that that's kind of key, you know. It's easy to want to avoid
the topic, and I think we talked about this a little bit in our other episodes.
So, you can go ahead, listen to that, you can compare. You know, what do
you think, Lindsay? You think it's something you should talk about?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I mean, we don't want to minimize something, someone's

experience. You never want to minimize, and the key to connection is
letting someone be heard. I was having a conversation with someone
close to me in my life last night, not about death, but about... The person
did something in a conversation where I didn't feel heard, and I called her
out on it. Like, I said, "Hey, I've seen you do this a lot and I don't like it
because I don't feel heard. This is how it feels to me." So, there's
something very deep in us as humans needing to be heard and listened to.
And so this really applies when it comes to death. So, guys, a key action
here. Today has been a challenging episode because we've been critiquing
native English. Right? We're not going from non-native English to native
English, we're going from native, like, maybe improper native English to
better native English, or, like, poorly prepared native English. So, we're
showing you guys how to connect here. So yeah (yes), I agree, Michelle,
don't minimize people's experience in any situation. Yeah (yes).
Michelle: Yeah (yes), for sure. So you know, guys, the takeaway is, you know, we
gave you different ideas of what to say, so we did teach you, you know,

38
some phrases that go along with this, and you know, really going into
what's appropriate and what's not appropriate. You know, don't deny the
topic, and you know, really be specific about the ways that you would like
to help your friend.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I love this, I love this. So good. Okay. Such a great episode.
Thank you to our listener. Was it Yuki? Thank you to Yuki for asking this.
Michelle: Thank you. And sorry to keep it kind of serious today, guys, but you know,
this is real life.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). It's part of life, it's part of life and that's okay. We're talking
about life here.
Lindsay: And guys, just one quick tip. If you are taking the IELTS exam this year,
then go over and subscribe to the IELTS Energy podcast. We have some
really good episodes over there for you guys to get your seven or higher.
Just search for IELTS Energy in your podcast player. Okay? Cool. Alright,
Michelle, I will see you soon. Take care.
Michelle: Alright. Okay, bye, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Bye, bye.
[instrumental]

39
AEE Episode 989: Homesick? How to Feel Better in your New Country
Announcer: This is an All Ears English podcast Episode 989: “Homesick? How to Feel
Better in your New Country”
[Instrumental]
York City, U.S.A.
[Instrumental]

[Instrumental]
Announcer: Are you living abroad or living in a new place? Today, we give you top tips
on what to do when you're missing home and how to make sure that you
can maximize your time living abroad and connect.
[Instrumental]
Michelle: Hey (hi) Lindsay, how's it going?

40
Lindsay: Hey (hi) Michelle, I'm feeling good. I just came back from my vacation. I
took a road trip around the Southern U.S. It was great, it was so fun.
Michelle: That's right, that's right. Ohh my gosh, that sounds like a great time. So,
what kinds of things did you do?
Lindsay: Ohh, we did so much actually. We went to this cool city called Asheville,
North Carolina, which is in the Blue Ridge Mountains, in the Great Smoky
Mountains. And these mountains are beautiful. They're not as dramatic as
what you see in the West, but they have that, like, very nice, just beautiful,
smooth ridges and things, and we did some hiking out there. We ate fried
green tomatoes, Southern food, biscuits and grits, shrimp and grits,
oysters. We just did the whole Southern thing. [laughter]
Michelle: That's so cool, that's so cool. Wow. Okay. Well, was it what you, like, had
you spent that much time in the South before?
Lindsay: I had spent a little bit of time, a few trips here and there, and I had been to
Charleston before, and we did that again, but it was my first time in
Asheville. We also went to a place on the Outer Banks where there were
wild horses on this island where you could take a ferry out to this island
and there were just wild horses kind of roaming around the island and it
was new, it was all new for me. You know what I mean? And yeah (yes), I
just feel good, I feel refreshed and I have that optimism that you feel after
you've been travelling. Such a good feeling.
Michelle: Ohh yeah (yes), for sure. I'm jealous, that's awesome. I'm glad you had
fun.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), for sure, for sure. How was your Fourth of July, by
the way?
Michelle: It was really fun, yeah (yes). I went, just for a night, to the Poconos and I
saw my brother and his family, so that was fun. Just for a night, but it was
still nice to get away. So yeah (yes), I had a nice time.
Lindsay: That's awesome, that's awesome. It's good to get out, good to travel,
good to see family and enjoy the summer time.

41
Michelle: Definitely. Well, when you were away, like, were you all ready to come
home? Like, were you were homesick at all for Boston, or were you kind
of, like, just living it up in the South?
Lindsay: I was just getting my groove, you know what I mean? I was just kind of,
like... Because I really like the lifestyle of travel and, you know, staying in
one place each night. I love that kind of, like, wandering lifestyle. I feel like
it brings me closer to myself as a person. I was not missing home at all.
Although, I have to say, when I got into my bed last night I was, like, "It
feels good to be back in my own bed." I had a little bit of a feeling, you
know, but mostly I just, was just getting my step in terms of the travel,
really. Unfortunately, then it ended after just ten days.
Michelle: I know. Not enough time to be really, really homesick, I don't think.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), no, definitely not. Not the same as when people live abroad,
right, and then they start to really miss home.
Michelle: Right, sure, yeah (yes), right. So, I'm glad that we're talking about this,
Lindsay. We're going to go more into this topic today of homesickness,
but first we want to thank our reviewers.
Lindsay: Yes, guys, we have some great, really great reviews from you guys this
week. So, I want to go ahead and say thank you to _____ from Thailand,
_____ from Thailand, _____ from USA, _____ from Japan, someone from
Taiwan, I can't read your name, I'm sorry, 768661, someone from Korea on
July 6th, thank you to _____ from the U.S. and thank you to Mina0321
from the U.S. Guys, these are awesome reviews this week, and thank you.
Looks like, Michelle, like we have some new listeners here who have just
found the podcast and they are super excited to get started.
Michelle: That's great. Okay, well, welcome to the new listeners and hello again to
the people who have been listening this whole time. So glad to have you
and thank you so much for your reviews.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Thanks, guys. Remember, if you have not left your review, go
ahead and leave it and we'll read your name out loud on the show so you
can be famous. [laughter]

42
Michelle: Fantastic. Okay, great. So, Lindsay, as I mentioned, we are going to be

talking about homesickness today.
Michelle: And it's something that I've definitely dealt with in my personal life and I'm
sure that we have listeners who have dealt with this or who are who are
dealing with this. I mean, you know, and it's something that I think a lot of
people can identify with. And if you can't, then wow. If you've never felt
homesick.
Lindsay: Well, if you haven't traveled. Right? If you haven't felt homesick yet, you
probably haven't gone abroad or haven't traveled. Right? Yeah (yes).
Michelle: Sure. I mean, maybe not necessarily abroad, but definitely abroad is a
huge one, because you have things like culture shock and all things like
that. Right?
Michelle: But people can feel homesick about going short distances away, as I have
in my life.
Lindsay: You're right, Michelle.
Michelle: But we'll get to that.
Lindsay: Exactly.
Michelle: So, I happened to stumble across a really good article. It's called “What
Happens To Your Mind And Body When You Feel Homesick.” So, this is
from HuffingtonPost.com and it's written by Caroline Bologna from June
27th, 2018.
Lindsay: Okay.
Michelle: So, we will put this link up, and I think that it might be really helpful for our
listeners who are maybe feeling homesick right now. Guys, this is really
important, and also it's important to learn how to kind of get over this
situation, and we'll talk about that as we get into this article. But I'm

43
definitely going to share some, you know, personal stories about being
homesick and things like that. So, I don't know if you've ever dealt with
homesick, Lindsay, homesickness, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Ohh my gosh. Ohh, of course, of course. Especially when I lived abroad,
when I studied abroad in Paris, or when I lived in Japan. Ohh my gosh, my
first couple of months, first six months there, honestly, were... I was
homesick, it was sad times. But yeah (yes), this is so important today,
guys, because we know a lot of you guys are living in another country or
maybe just another part of your own country, and the reason you're living
there is to do something. Right? Maybe you're working, you're trying to
contribute in some way, and we want you to be able to give your best self
to the world.
Michelle: Ohh, right.
Lindsay: Right. So, that's why we're talking about this today.
Michelle: Absolutely. Well, just for our listeners who may not know, this word
"homesick". What is it? What does it mean to be homesick, Lindsay?
Lindsay: Good question, because we're not talking about, like, being physically sick
at your home, although that could include being physically sick, I suppose,
but we're not talking about that. Right? We're talking about missing our
home, Right? Being sick for home. Feeling like you want to be back at
home and not feeling good in the new place where you are.
Michelle: Right, right, right, yeah (yes), that feeling of just like, "Ohh my gosh, I need
to be home right now. I need to be, you know, in my area and I can't take
this new change." You know, it can happen to anybody. So, basically, this
article identifies, you know, homesickness and explains why and how it
happens and, you know, and what strategies you can use to, you know,
get rid of homesickness, or at least try to. How to cope with it. Right?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), this is so good, this is so good. I feel like homesickness tends to
occur, in my experience, the most when something, like, really big
happens at home. Like, I remember when I was living in Guatemala,
actually, in 2008, my grandmother died. That was hard. Like, it's very hard

44
when there's the death either of a pet or a family member when you are
abroad.
Michelle: Ohh yeah (yes), yeah (yes), for sure.
[Instrumental]
Announcer: As we get closer to Episode 1000, let's make sure as many people know
about All Ears English as we can. Go ahead and tell one friend today about
the show. Show them how to subscribe and make sure that they listen in
four days a week to get the best tips on how to connect in English. Thanks
for sharing the show.
[Instrumental]
Michelle: So I want... If you wouldn't mind, Lindsay, reading one of my favorite

quotes from the article. So, it's by psychologist Tamar Chansky.
Lindsay: Okay.
Michelle: I really like how she talks about homesickness. So, if you won't mind
reading it for us, that would be great.
Lindsay: Here we go. "It's a transition between two worlds. The analogy I always
use is a swimming pool. It doesn't feel good when we get in at first,” she
said. “If we immediately got out, we'd think 'Why do people like swimming
pools? This feels awful.' but if you stay in and you see that you do adjust
and then you feel good." Yeah (yes).
Michelle: I like that because it makes me think, because I always, whenever I jump
into a swimming pool, it takes me an hour to get in if the water's cold.
Lindsay: An hour? [laughter]
Michelle: I would baby about it. Really, it's, like, one toe at a time.
Lindsay: It's like ripping off a Band-Aid.

45
Michelle: Exactly, exactly. I just can't. Like, usually, like, my husband is standing
there, like, "Just go, just go, come on, go, go, go." And I'm, like, "I can't do
it." Yeah (yes), of course, when you first jump and it's miserable, but I like
what, you know, this -- this person says is that, like, yeah (yes), if that's
how we lived our lives, if we got into uncomfortable situations and then
reacted like we were in a freezing cold swimming pool and ran out, we'd
never get anywhere. You know?
Lindsay: So true, so important, though. I like this analogy. I think it's very true.
Michelle: Me too, me too.
Lindsay: You can't just run away from the things that aren't perfect at first. Right?
Because that is, like, a quality life when we actually take chances, we take
risks, and maybe things are uncomfortable at times, but we get through it.
So, that's why we're here on this topic today.
Michelle: Absolutely, absolutely. So yeah (yes), so the article, you know, it explains
how when you're homesick you're looking for things that are familiar to
you. You know, maybe it's, like, a favorite food or a person that you miss
or whatever it is. You're looking, you know, everything is so new and
unfamiliar, and, like, I just think about our listeners and living abroad and,
like, and the new language and the new culture and maybe you're at a
new workplace and so many things are new, and you just might be
thinking, "I want to have my, you know, home cooked meal from my mom
or my wife or my husband." or whatever it is. You know?
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Sure. That's so true. Or when it happens that, you know, let's
say, for example, we're working in a new place and there are some kind of,
and it's not our native language, and there's an inside joke that happens at
the office and everyone laughs and you're the one who's on the outside.
That's when homesickness can really strike, can really hit a nerve. Right? I
mean, in my experience at least, yeah (yes).
Michelle: Yeah (yes), for sure. When you feel like everyone's in on the joke... Like,
at home, I mean, you're maybe, like, a really funny person or you're this

46
really outgoing person, but you know, once you're in these situations, and
especially with a new language, this can happen.
Lindsay: Yes.
Michelle: You know that you can't really, you know, kind of... It's hard to, like, find
yourself in these moments and be yourself, especially if it's a different
language, I think.
Lindsay: You got it, Michelle. [laughter]
Lindsay: Do you have any stories of homesickness yourself? I mean...
Michelle: Well, you know what's funny, is when I went abroad, I actually felt more
free. And I felt less homesick being further away than when I'd be close.
So, like, for example, I went to college forty-five minutes away from my
house. The start of college was just terrible for me. Just, like, that first
semester was very hard. And I just remember my mother, she said to me,
there was a really nice girl who lived across the hall, and she said, you
know, you need a routine. You need to ask this girl who seems to want to
be your friend to go to dinner, like, every single night, and make it so that
it's a routine, so it's unusual if you don't go to dinner with her. Right? So I
did, and then we went every single night, and that actually really did help,
because I knew, "Who am I going to get dinner with? Am I going to be
lonely?" You know, things like that. And that was where... I do think that
that was some really good advice because I needed some structure.
Right?
Lindsay: Yes. I love that, Michelle. You figured that out, that makes a lot of sense.
I mean, something that's unique about our culture is that we do go away,
sometimes far away, and sometimes not as far, but we go away for
college, and it's a big transition. Like, that's a really good example of
homesickness.
Michelle: Right. So, it may not be moving abroad, but it's a big life change. Right?
Lindsay: Huge.

47
Michelle: So, maybe I wasn't homesick for, you know, necessarily that I was so far
away, or that I was dealing with a different culture of a different country,
but it's a different culture, just college.
Lindsay: Totally. Ohh yeah (yes), totally different.
Michelle: Huge culture shock.
Lindsay: Huge.
Michelle: Huge culture shock to be away from home and just, like, the implications
of what that means and growing up and being away from your parents,
and that I think was what was the hardest for me, not so much the
distance.
Lindsay: That's a huge step that we go through, at least in American culture, is that
step of moving into the freshman dorm. So, it's probably one of the
biggest moments of your life, because it really means that, like, you are
now kind of an adult. Not exactly an adult, but you're never... The
assumption is that you're not going home again. Like, you're probably not
going to live at home again, hopefully, right? And that's kind of how it
goes, and then you kind of, it doesn't quite hit home until you actually get
there, your freshman dorm, and you're setting up your stuff and then
there's your roommate and you're, like, "Ohh my God, I live in a dorm now
and I'm not going home again. Like, my childhood is over." It's a major
turning point in our lives here in the U.S.
Michelle: For sure, for sure, definitely. And it also talks, I think this is interesting
how, in the article mentioned that people deal with homesickness in
different ways. So, like, some people get anxious, you know, they just feel,
like, extreme anxiety about it, where some people just are sad, and they
grieve. I would say that I was, like, in a mixture of the two. I wouldn't say
that I fell into one or the other, but I don't know. Do you feel like you fall,
like, when you've gotten homesick, Lindsay, do you feel like you're more
anxious or more sad?
Lindsay: Probably more sad, to be honest. Well, I remember my freshman year in

college that was also very hard for me, my first semester.

48
Lindsay: Luckily, my structure was tennis. I was on the tennis team, so I had to go to
practice every day at three and I had that routine, thank goodness, so I
had tennis. But yeah (yes), I mean, in the past when I've lived abroad, I
think I've tended more towards being a little sad, like, a little melancholy.
You know, kind of walking in the streets and listening to music and feeling
just confused and lost at times.
Michelle: Ohh, I'm imagining Lindsay at college. Yeah (yes). But there are things
that you can do; I think it's important to get in this mindset of, like, "What
can I do to change this feeling?" So, we're going to talk about some of the
tips the article gives today, and you know, just share, you know, more
about what's helped us.
Michelle: So, the first thing that, you know, would be a good tip is to know that
nothing is abnormal about the way you're feeling. Right? It's completely
normal to be homesick. As you can see, I was pretty sure Lindsay would
have stories about being homesick, because I think most everyone does. I
think it's just so normal. And also it goes away over time, but it can return.
Right? So, you can get, like, totally accustomed to a place and then, I think
it mentioned something about, like, once you realize how long you're
going to be somewhere, so if you're there for a while and it's, like, "Whoa.
I'm here for a while and I'm not going home still." then it can kind of
return. Just to know, like, "Okay, this is normal. So many people have felt
this way." You know, I think just acknowledging that is a good thing and
can actually help you. What do you think, Lindsay?
Lindsay: I think that's really good. Like, it can return, like, setbacks are a thing.
Right?
Lindsay: I mean, I remember when I moved to Japan it was hard in the beginning
and then I got into it. I got to know my colleagues, my neighborhood, and
then my parents came to visit around, I guess it was actually, was only

49
about four months after I had moved there first, but I was already feeling
good, and then when they left, they came for a week and then they left, I
was like, "Ohh my gosh. I can't do this. Like, I can't live here in Japan by
myself. What am I doing? I miss home so much." It was a setback. But to
anticipate that, I mean that's the key. That's normal. Yeah (yes).
Michelle: Yes, yes, yes, for sure. And another thing, so in the article, this guy, he's a
psychologist and an associate professor. His name is Joshua Klapow. He
has this quote, he said, "Instead of the proverbial 'stay busy', I say 'stay
engaged' -- whether that's with school, your job, other people, the gym,
your church or synagogue." So, I like this one because, yes, we need
structure and we need to be busy, but to be engaged is different than
being busy. Right? To get to know your surroundings is so key, so I feel
like I've had that a lot with being abroad, and I feel like that's super
important for our listeners and that's what we try and do on this show is
to find ways to get you engaged.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes). This is one thing about American culture that I'm not a huge
fan about, how common this phrase is, "Ohh, just stay busy." Right? "Stay
busy, stay busy." And I prefer the phrase "stay engaged", because it's
completely different. We're a culture that thinks that we can cover up
any, like, issues we're having by just, like, doing things, doing, doing, doing.
But here you're saying "stay engaged", meaning go deep with things, like,
stay connected with people. Right? Things like that, stay connected with
your activities, your goals, your missions, the things you want to do, your
vision in life. I love that.
Michelle: Right, right, right. And you know, when I first moved to New York, I had an
internship in college and I remember my first night I was, like, freaking out,
"Ohh my gosh, I can't do this, I can't do this." And some people had
invited me to hang out and I said to my brother on the phone, I said, "Ohh,
but people are inviting me to do things and I'm too homesick." He said,
"What are you doing? Go. Go with the people." And you know what? I
did and those were my friends the whole summer.
Lindsay: Ohh my gosh.

50
Michelle: So, I engaged. And then the last two, so one is to, you know, make your
situation what you want. So, find ways to be happier. So, what would
make you happy? Would it be making friends, would it be, you know,
finding a way to talk with your family more? What would it be that would
make you happier and go out and try and find that for yourself.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I love that, Michelle. Yeah (yes), that's good, exactly, connect
with people. Yeah (yes). Anything else?
Michelle: And then, finally, just don't, you know, you don't have to be shy, you can
tell people how you're feeling. Because, like I said, this may be a way to
connect. Right? So, we could do a follow-up episode on, like, how could
we express this, what words can we say and what phrases can we say to
connect with people over this emotion? So, I'd like to do a follow-up on
that.
Lindsay: Yeah (yes), Michelle. We should write that down as an episode idea once
we get beyond Episode 1000, because we are approaching 1000.
Lindsay: We can do an episode on how to communicate that maybe you're feeling

a little homesick and how to reach out to people, guys. Because we know
a lot of you guys are living in different countries, maybe in the U.K., the
U.S., maybe Australia, and you need these phrases. Right? So, let us know
if you need these, and maybe send us a very specific question to
Lindsay@AllEarsEnglish.com and we can address that on the podcast for
you guys.
Michelle: Alright, awesome, we would love that. So, Lindsay, this episode is getting
a little long, but what's the takeaway for today?
Lindsay: Well, I mean, this is important. Like, you guys, you know, if you've moved
abroad, maybe you've moved within your own country, it's just important
to understand that if you feel homesick, it's real. We've both felt it, we've
told you guys about living in Tokyo, moving to New York, or moving to, but
just make sure you, as we've said, follow today's tips, and you know... I
think especially for our listeners who are taking the IELTS exam, maybe

51
you had to take the IELTS exam, and then you were so busy preparing for
the exam, then you passed it, then you got your visa, and then you ended
up in this new country, and now you're here, you're there, and you're
saying, "Whoa, what happened? I didn't prepare for this. Now I feel
homesick and I want to go back." Right? But just follow today's episode
and just, you know, take advice, keep listening to the podcast and to be
able to really connect. Alright, guys, love that.
Michelle: Definitely. Well said, Lindsay. Well, thanks, guys, for listening, and yeah
(yes), we'll definitely do a follow-up on this one. I think it's an interesting
topic that, you know, no matter where you're from, you've probably had
this feeling.
Lindsay: Exactly. I agree. And speaking of IELTS, guys, if you are not on the other
side of the exam, if you still do need to take it, then go and subscribe to
our IELTS Energy podcast so that you can get the tips that you need. And
Michelle, thank you for bringing up this topic, very important one, and
kind of a fun opportunity to reflect, too, on our college days.
Michelle: For sure, for sure. Ohh, I have more stories about homesickness, I'll tell
them another time.
Lindsay: Ohh, she's got stories. [laughter] Alright, Michelle, talk to you soon.
Michelle: Okay. Thanks for listening. Bye, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Bye.
[Instrumental]

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AEE Episode 986: How to Deliver a Speech like Michelle Obama

Announcer: And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to

Announcer: Do you have a presentation or speech coming up soon? In today's episode

Michelle: Hey (hi) Lindsay, how's it going?

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Michelle: Ohh no. I hope you feel better, Lindsay.

Michelle: So, I have a question for you.

Lindsay: Alright, I'm ready.

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes), me too.

Lindsay: That's awesome.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). That's great, though. That's so good, Michelle.

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Michelle: No. You saw it?

Lindsay: Yeah, like, it's a great movie.

Michelle: I'm going to watch it.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

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Michelle: Right, right.

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of impact do we want to make on you guys? What do we want you to feel

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Exactly, Michelle.

Lindsay: I mean, he's a branding professional. Right? He's a marketing

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Michelle: Ohh, for sure.

Lindsay: That's another topic.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). [laughter]

Lindsay: Did you ever notice that in his speeches?

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Michelle: Ohh yeah (yes).

Michelle: Yes, that's the key.

Lindsay: Exactly. You got it, Michelle.

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reading something, try and, you know, make it so that you're as

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

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Lindsay: Alright, bye.

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AEE Episode 987: Mark’s Tips on How to Raise Multilingual Children

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Michelle: Hey there, Mark. How are you doing?

Mark: I'm very good, thank you. And yourself?

Mark: That's correct, yes.

Michelle: Okay, great. You're based in Spain, right?

Mark: Yeah (yes), in the very South, in Andalusia.

Michelle: Really? Okay. So, it's a bit unusual right now.

Mark: Wow. I presume it rained.

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Michelle: Yeah (yes).

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Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: [laughter] You sound good.

Mark: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: And then do you also speak Cantonese, you said?

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Michelle: Right, right.

Mark: Kind of. In Wales we have the language of Welsh.