May 2020

tamasha zindagi ka hua or kalakaar sab apne nikle

hum thehre rehe whaan.. aane wale jane kaha nikle..

Hass padti hun ye ke kis mazzil pe aa pahuche..

Roz jeeti hun unhe soch k jis zaalim se ye gum nikle..

kho gaye the unme kahi… tammana-e- dil ke bana ke

firaaq-e-yaar hoker tere gher se ye kadam nikle

Dhondtee hu aajbhi shayad kuch khayalo main..

Bikhra hua ye ahsaas bas ek bharam nikle…

Full moon night is shining bright..its tiny fragment spreading light..

Outside my window and into my room…as I lay ill-fated to my doom

How this can possibly be..you are not close to me.

The memories of the past take me over ….i will have to stay like this forever

It’s a day and it’s a night ..yeah I count those moment right…

I close my eyes…to feel you here; My heart ponds out as it care..

The dream ends up …..xxxxxx ..hoping you are still there..

Prologue 14th Oct 2018

………….It has been 2 years, 5 months and 11 days… but it feels like just yesterday. I still remember each and every
moment we lived together…still feel the warmth of it. The way I used to tease him in kitchen..the way he holds me
from back.. and the way I used to get melt by his touch. It used to take my breath away… It has been two years five
months and eleven days…

We met by chance and get parted by choice; a choice which was most difficult decision of my life. A decision which
was in favour of none but had to be taken…

When you take a tuff decision in life you put all your soul into it. You gather all your emotions , courage, together..
you promise never to look back but then all of those emotions start questioning to you.. You try harder to convince
but it never hears you…

It has been two years five months and eleven days.

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Samajh nahi aata ki kyun main apni kahani likhu or agar likh bhi dungi to kya kisi ka isse koi lena dena hoga. Kyun koi
meri kahani ko padega kya kyun kisi ko isme intrest hoga. Per main isse likhna chahti hun bahut si aisi baatein hain
jinhe batana chahti hun jinse shaayad log jaankar bhi anjaan hain ya shaayad sahi me anjaan hain.

Today is 14th October 2018, aaj fourth Navratri he kal se Durga puja shuru ho jaegi first day of Durga Puja. Last to
late last year 2015 was fine for me and as far as last year is concerned it was also fine or hota kyun nahi divorce case
ko file hue sirf 6 months he hue the na … arre haan divorece case se yaad aaya ki main ye to batana he bhul gae ki
aaj mujhey mere husband Kanchan Bhattacharya (Babu) se alag hue pure  2 years 5 months 11 days ho gae which
means 77241600 seconds, 1287360 minutes, 21456 hours 894 days 127 weeks and 5 days. Soch rahe honge na ki jab
divorce chal raha he to itna hisaab kitaab kyun?

Starting ke years me ye sab ajeeb nahi lagta tha gussa jo tha har baat ka, pata nahi galti uski jyaada thi ki meri? Par jo
bhi thi zindagi kharaab agar kisi ki hue to wo tha Banku

Banku humara beta Shaayon Bhattacharya accha naam he na or shaayd unique bhi pata he kya matlab he iska it
means Triangle of light with power. Ab soch rahe honge ki ye itna unique naam dimaag me aaya kaise so isme
mujhey jyaada mehnat nahi karni padi ye kaam kiya tha Banku ke Peeka (Fufa ji) ne yaani Subhsis Haldar he is the
one jo banku ko shaayad hone se pehle se he bahut chahte the …. Or as being a fufaji unhone apna saara laad pyaar
banku par hamesha lutaya he or aaj bhi dil or jaan se chahtey hain .. banku to jaan he unki, Banku ki pini yaani
Pobitra haldar wo bhi banku se bahut pyaar karti hain but shaayad peeka jitna na kar pae kabhi.

Meri iss story me bahut jyaada to nahi but haan kuch charecters to hain jaise Maa yaani Banku ki dadi Mita
Bhattacharya. Ek aurat jisne aajtak sirf or sirf apne liye he socha kismat itni acchi ki jaisa chaha life vesi he chalti rahi
or chal rahi he aajtak. Main character or can say vamp of my story.

Baba yaani banku ke dada ji Swapan Kumar Bhattacharya apni jawani ke time ke sabse bigde hue insaan but aaj
shaayad opposite he apni jawani se … shant wo kabhi reh nahi sakte but haan still jab se drink chodi he shaayad
better ho gae hain … shaayad isiliy kyunki jab tak main wahan thi tab tak to unhone kabhi drink chodi nahi thi but
aajkal banku ne bola ki wo nahi petey …inka banku ki taraf pyaar aap tol nahi saktey pata nahi chalega ki pika ka
pyaar jyaada he ki dadu ka… but still banku ke favourite insaan hain dono he aaj ki date me.

Dada Didi yaani Pranjol Haldar and Shattika Haldar Banku ki pisi ke bacchey.

Jab meri shaadi hui thi tab dada tha 5 yrs ka or didi this 2 and half yrs ki … aaj bhi yaad he mujhey ki jab main night
duty ke baad sokar uthti thi to dada didi ko hamesha he apne ghar me paati thi unki mummy tab private school me
job karti thi so wo dono unke aane tak apni nani ke yahan he rehtey the yaani humare yahan or jahan tak baat he ki
main in dono ki maami thi to dono he mujhey bahut pyaare the haan dada thoda shuru se he badtameez tha but didi
itni choti thi ki kai baar to wo mujhey he apni mummy bana deti thi … kab maami boltey boltey mummy bolna shuru
kar deti thi pata he nahi chalta tha or mujhey acche bhi bahut lagta tha mujhey chotey bacchon se hamesha he pyaar
raha he so I was happy.

Ye introduction to hua mere in-laws ka chalo ab milati hun apne gharwalon se … main ek bahut he badi family se hun
.. jahan hum log 5 bhai behen mummy papa 2 Bhabhiya or unke 6 bacche (3 each 😊) … Papa ji (Shri Madan Lal) apne
time ke business tycoon, mummy ji (Vidhya Devi) kabhi school nahi gae but papa ki har safalta me inka bada he
yogdaan raha. Dono ki shaadi bahut choti age me ho gae thi papa shaayad 12 years ke the or mummy shaayad 8 ya 9
ki …. Jab mummy ji 12 years kit hi tab unke pehli beti hui fir dobara se do or betiyan

Mummy papa un khushnaseeb logon me se ek the jinki pehli santaan beti hoti he …. Inke yahan jaise jaise betiyan ae
waise waise he papa ji ne tarakii ki kai seediyan chadhi papa ji ke father, papa ki mother ke rehtey he kisi or lady ke
saath ghar se bhaag gae the unka naam tha Shanti devi kyunki wo low cast se belong karti thi so papa ke dada ji Late
shri Kalyaan Singh Ji ne unse sab ristey khatam kr diye the or iss sab se dukhi hokar papa ki mummy ji ki bhi death ho
gae ….. accha khasa business the namak (salt) ka alwar me but wahan hue ek accident ke chaltey dada ji papa ji or
Maya bua ko lekar delhi aa gae 200 rupeey or 4 bartano ke saath. Yahan aatey he unhone sadar bazar me ek 100 gaj
ka plot khareed liya100 rupeey me or fir papa or dada ji lag gae wahan majdoori or theela kheechne me … kharcha
chalane ke liye din me majdoori kartey or raat ko kabiley (butcher house) ki dhulai … sab chal raha tha papa ne bojha
uthatey uthatey Lacchi uncle jo ki papa ki he umar ke the unse dosti kar li or Lacchi uncle ke suggestions ke saath
shuru hua papa ji ka wire cutting ka kaam… jab betiyan hui to thodi or tarakki hue or in sabme meri mummy ji har
step per papa ji ke saath khadi rahi…

Unki life acchi he chal rahi thi ki kuch time baad papa ke dada ji ki tabiyat kharaab ho gae or papa ke papa yaani mere
dada ji bhi apni dusri wife ko lekar yahan aa gae … papa mummy ne unki haalaat per taras kha kar unhe saath he
rakh liya … per papa kabhi apni second mother ko mummy ne bol pae boltey bhi kaise unse choti jo thi … to wo
hamesh unhe shaanti he kehtey the or hum log unhe amma ji boltey the papa ke dada ji ki bimari ke chatey me hi
papa ki sabse badi beti Sarita ki death ho gae lakwa hone se… fir dada jiki bhi death ho gae … kuch time shanti se
nikla or second daughter saroj ki bhi death ho gae brain fever ke chaltey ab bus reh gae Nutan third daughter so she
was quite healthy and chubby dubby with very jolly nature but unka bhi ant bahut bura likha tha ek din wo ek gaane
per dance kar rahi thi or chulhe per garam ho rahe paani ke bade pateeley me gir gae choti thi isiliye 90% tak jal gae
or aakhir kaar hospital me mar gae … papa mummy ji ki chooti si duniyan in teeno  ke saath khatam ho gae …. Fir
papa mummy ne maya bua ki shaadi kar di or apne parivaar me fir se lag gae …. But ab jahan papa ki second mother
ko bacche hotey wahin mummy ko bhi hotey jaise sabse bade chacha ji humare bade bhaiya ke barabar ke the
chotey chacha ji chotey bhai ke or rest bhi sabhi aise he the so at the end dadi ji ke the 8 bacche or mummy papa ke
the 4 bacchey sab chal raha tha zindagi apne andaaz me chale ja rahi thi fir finally 1982 mummy ji ne may me papa ji
ko bataya ki she is pregnant again papa was normal no happiness no sadness bus ek or bhagwaan ka faisla soch ke
sab taiyaar but after 2 months or pregnancy mummy ji stairs se slip ho gae or unki butts bone me fracture ho gaya
tab doctors ne salah di ki ya to abortion kara lo warna back kharaab ho jaegi coz pregnancy ke chaltey wo plaster
nahi kar paenge … but mummy ji ko ye manjor nahi tha ki wo abortion karaye so they decided to keep that child or
wo child thi main

I know soch rahe honge na ki kitna kasht diya maine apne parents ko but ye sab mere haath me nahi thi ye wo
vidhaan tha jo bhagwaan ne likh diya tha ab to bus unska prasaran ho raha tha. In 9 months ki pregnancy ne meri
mummy ka chalna firna band kara diya wo mushkil  se beth paati thi or finally on 19th December 1982 jab ghar me
koi bhi nahi tha tab mummy ne ghar me he mujhey janam de diya … papa tab gae the DDA ke lucky draw me and wo
bahut khush the ki unka HIG nikla Rampura me but jab papa ji ae to unhone mere rone ki awaaz suni tab dekha ki
bacha to ho gaya or mummy behosh thi tab dono ko hospital le jaya gaya or finally dono theek the bus uske baad se
mummy ji bedridden ho gae thi …mera janam papa ki zindagi me ek alag change le ke aaya pehli baar unka draw
nikla and he was very happy…

mujhe to yaad bhi nahi ki mummy ne kab tak hum logo ko bachpan me dekha kynki jab 3-4 saal ki thi tab se sirf bade
bhaiya ko hi ek maa banker sab karte hue paya mummy hamesha sirf behoshi me bistar per hoti thi. Samajh nahi
aata tha tab ki wo kyun soi rehti hain. Per fir bhi main bol sakti hun ki tabse ab tak bhaiya har ek roop me bilkul
perfect rahe. Per jahan bhaiya itne caring or acche the wahin satinder yaani ki chota bhai unse bilkul opposite tha.
Meri to iccha kabhi ussey bhai kehne ki bhi nahi hue wo meri life ka pehla aisa insaan tha jiski wajah se bachpan
bahut dardnaak raha jaise ki maine bataya ki main accidental child to mere me or baaki sab me bahut age gap tha if I
remember correctly main tab 4 saal ki thi jab mujhey pehli baar ye ehsaas hona shuru ho gaya tha ki kuch to galat ho
raha he jiske chaltey sirf dard he dard hota tha … but kisi ko kuch keh nahi paati thi kyunki mummy to behosh rehti
thi papa apne kaam me busy or bhaiya itne bade the ki kabhi bolne ki himmat he nahi hui ya bolo ki pata he nahi tha
ki kya baolun. Tab mujhey akele soney me akle rehne me bahut darr lagta tha hamesha yahi tension rehti thi ki pata
nahi kab chota wala bhai aa jaega or wo pata nahi kis kis tarah se meri body ko hurt karega …. Kai baar roti thi but
itni choti thi ki kisi ko kuch bola he nahi mere se badi behen Annu ko bola tha maine ki Satinder neeche kuch karta he
per usne kabhi saath nahi diya mera kyun pata nahi. Ho sakta he usne bhi yahi saha ho ya fir ho sakta he ki ussey koi
fark nahi padta tha meri kisi taqleef se jab bhi satinder aa jata to wo mujhey chodkar bhaag jaati per usne kabhi ye
nahi bataya ke agar main wahan se bhaag jaun to shaayad mujhey ye dard na jhelna pade.

Satinder mere se almost 8-10 saal bada tha or means ki yahi koi 15 -16 ka hoga wo galat sangat me padh gaya tha or
jiske chaltey wo har tarah ki gandi harqat karta tha …jaise chori karna, jhut bolna, gaaliyan dena or Jab main akele
hoti to wo kabhi mere gaalon ko bite karta or kabhi uska haat mere underwear me kuch na kuch karta rehta choti thi
isiliye lagta bahut tha or hamesha dard rehta per kuch kar pana or samajh pana mushkil tha … jab kabhi bade bhaiya
dopahar me sulakar jati to thodi der me he achanak se aankh khul jati muh per satinder ka kaala ganda haath muh
band kiye hota or pairon ke beech me uska private part … shaayad ussey ye pata tha ki agar andar kuch kiya to
shaayad accha na ho isiliye hamesha bahar se wo badi taqleef deta main roti per koi sunene wala nahi hota or lastly
jab wo jata to meri underwear hamesha gili rehti jiski wajah se mujhe bhaiya se daant pad jaati ki maine underwear
me susu kar diya but nobody notice ki wo susu nahi tha or satinder hamesha wahan se jaatey hue mujhey dhamki de
jaata ki agar kisi ko bataya to isse jyaada dard dega or main darr jaati shaayad 4 saal ke bacche ke liye ye extreme he
tha … finally jab main 5 saal ki hue to bhaiya ki shaadi kar di gae bhaiya 20 years ke the … meri taqleefon ka thoda sa
ant hua per pura nahi… per haan Bhabhi ke aane se kum se kum ab ghar me hum logo ko acche se khana milta tha
per jab kabhi Bhabhi apne maayke jaati to satinder ka wahi roop fir jhelna padta. Mujhey jaise nafrat ho gae thi ussey
jo aajtak he mana ki virginity nahi harm kar paya wo per usne mera bachpan harm kar diya … jahan bacchon ki khatti
meethi yaadein hoti hain wahan usne bade dard diye aise dard jinko kisi ko bol pana bhi mushkil tha or jinko bhul
pana to namumkeen tha.

Agar zindagi ke in paloon ko nikaal de to meri zindagi badi he acchi thi … theek waisi he jaise ghar ke chotey ladley
bacche ki hoti he… next year me he Bhabhi bhaiya ki pehli santaan hue ek pyaari si beti uska naam rakha gaya
Kanchan or hum behne dekhte dekhte he bua ban gae… hahahahah choti si bua … Kanchan ke aane se hum saari
behno ko ek khilona mil gaya jisko hum Gudiya ki tarah sajatey sawartey the … jab bhi kabhi satinder ussey apne
haathon me leta jaise mera khoon khaul jata or hamesha main ussey uske haathon se cheen leti taaki ussey wo sab
dard na jhelne pad jae jo uss kuttey ne mujhey diye.