Jokes in red colour are sent by SMS

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best
when she is at her worst.  

What's "68"?
You do me and I owe you one.

Why are cowgirls bowlegged?

Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

What's the definition of a vagina?

The box a penis comes in.

Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palms day.

What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?

They are both used as substitutes for meat.

Why is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.

Can you say three two-letter words that mean small?

”Is it in?”

What do you call a smiling man with pubic hair between his teeth?
Glad-eater!

Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me!

What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?

About three inches.
 
 
 
  
This farmer had really bad sexual perversions that always got him into
trouble . He loved to fuck chickens .His first wife said to him , "Do
you feel like chicken tonight?" ...
"How did you find out that I fuck chickens?" She ended the marriage.

He then started secretly fucking Cows and remarried . His second wife said ,
"Do you feel like steak tonight?" "How did you find out that I've been
fucking the cows?" She left him.

He decides he's getting older and he's always getting caught he'd better get
more domestic . He moves to the city and starts secretly fucking a household
cat. He remarries for a 3rd time and his wife says , "Honey , do you feel
like eating my pussy tonight? " He said , "You're sick!"

A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce. She answered, "Your Honor, he
knew   I'm a vegetarian n yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth."
 
2.      Woman:   Dr. An ant entered my vagina, please   take  it out.

       Doctor removes her panties and start making    love .

       Woman: What are you doing?

       Doctor: This is the only way to drown the bastard!

3.Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

   Ans: YOUR SALARY. It comes once a month last 3 –4 days & if it doesn't   come you are
in deep trouble!

4.A lady visited her doctor again, Dr. said: U look more sick & exhausted then b 4.

Are u having 3 meals a day as I advised?

Lady: WHAT? I thought u said 3 MALES a day!!!! 

 
5.Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty. GOD Said" No way; Now As It Is,The Penis
is so ugly & U still Suck It. If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up!!  
 

6. A nun went 4 a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she     waz
pregnant,she cried n said," Shit,we can't even trust cucumber anymore.!

7.   A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl & asked" Do U have this? " The girl lifted
up her skirt & said," My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!"

8. Schoolgirl: I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION. Class Teacher: Why not?
Schoolgirl: Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!"

9. Mother asks daughter, how is married life? Daughter shyly says like BRITISH
AIRWAYS. Mother reads the ad & is shocked " 7 DAYS A WEEK,TWICE   A
DAY,BOTH WAYS!

10. What is the STRONGEST muscle? TONGUE- It can raise a woman's hip with just one
lick!. The lightest   muscle? PENIS! It can be raised by a woman's tongue!

11. Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: Name? Park Yu.

The 0fficer become angry & shouted back: FUCK YOU! Now what's your full name?
Korean replied: PARK YU TOO!!

12. Man to wife: Business is bad if u learn 2 cook we can remove servant. Wife:

 ASSHOLE! If u learn how to fuck we can remove driver, gardener & watchman..

13. COCK say to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to a party. BALLS said:
You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE!
 

14. A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like? Mama dog reply: How I know. Your
papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his face" !

15.What's the difference between stress, tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is    pregnant, PANIC is when both are pregnan

t!