Pham‌‌1 

‌ ‌

Thu‌‌Thao‌‌Thi‌‌Pham‌  ‌

Professor‌‌   ‌

English‌‌100‌  ‌

21‌‌July‌‌2021‌  ‌

Rejecting‌‌the‌‌Ideal‌‌Man‌  ‌

The‌‌ideal‌‌man‌‌is‌‌tough,‌‌assertive,‌‌and‌‌independent.‌‌He‌‌possesses‌‌courage‌‌and‌‌can‌‌lead‌‌
 

others‌‌when‌‌needed.‌‌The‌‌ideal‌‌man‌‌is‌‌also‌‌emotionally‌‌resilient‌‌and‌‌enjoys‌‌engaging‌‌in‌‌physical‌‌ 

activities‌‌like‌‌sports‌‌and‌‌sex.‌‌These‌‌are‌‌the‌‌qualities‌‌that‌‌men‌‌should‌‌comply‌‌with‌‌according‌‌to‌‌ 

society,‌‌yet‌‌there‌‌are‌‌men‌‌who‌‌choose‌‌to‌‌reject‌‌being‌‌an‌‌ideal‌‌man.‌‌In‌‌Justin‌‌Baldoni’s‌‌TED‌‌talk,‌‌ 

“Why‌‌I’m‌‌done‌‌trying‌‌to‌‌be‌‌‘man‌‌enough’”,‌‌Baldoni‌‌argues‌‌that‌‌society‌‌should‌‌redefine‌‌
 

masculinity‌‌and‌‌he‌‌encourages‌‌people‌‌to‌‌not‌‌only‌‌be‌‌good‌‌men‌‌but‌‌also‌‌good‌‌humans.‌‌He‌‌
 

recounts‌‌stories‌‌from‌‌his‌‌upbringing‌‌and‌‌from‌‌his‌‌experience‌‌as‌‌an‌‌actor‌‌to‌‌show‌‌how‌‌society‌‌has‌‌
 

defined‌‌traditional‌‌masculinity:‌‌tough,‌‌strong,‌‌and‌‌confident.‌‌Traditional‌‌masculinity‌‌also‌‌ 

extends‌‌to‌‌the‌‌everyday‌‌actions‌‌of‌‌men‌‌by‌‌defining‌‌acceptable‌‌hobbies,‌‌behaviors,‌‌and‌‌mindsets.‌‌ 

Although‌‌there‌‌are‌‌many‌‌positive‌‌traits‌‌that‌‌masculine‌‌men‌‌hold,‌‌Justin‌‌argues‌‌that‌‌those‌‌who‌‌ 

strictly‌‌abide‌‌by‌‌the‌‌rules‌‌of‌‌traditional‌‌masculinity‌‌miss‌‌out‌‌on‌‌other‌‌important‌‌qualities‌‌such‌‌as‌‌ 

vulnerability,‌‌sorrow,‌‌and‌‌lovingness‌‌which‌‌make‌‌for‌‌a‌‌happier‌‌life‌‌and‌‌better‌‌human‌‌beings.‌‌
 

Despite‌‌Baldoni’s‌‌lack‌‌of‌‌logical‌‌appeal,‌‌he‌‌is‌‌able‌‌to‌‌effectively‌‌convey‌‌his‌‌message‌‌by‌‌using‌‌ 

ethos‌‌and‌‌pathos‌‌to‌‌appeal‌‌to‌‌his‌‌audience.‌  ‌

In‌‌Baldoni’s‌‌TED‌‌talk,‌‌he‌‌explains‌‌how‌‌traditional‌‌masculinity‌‌is‌‌defined.‌‌He‌‌suggests‌‌ 

that‌‌certain‌‌qualities‌‌are‌‌central‌‌to‌‌being‌‌traditionally‌‌masculine‌‌based‌‌on‌‌his‌‌personal‌‌ 

experience.‌‌In‌‌his‌‌experience‌‌as‌‌an‌‌actor,‌‌Baldoni‌‌has‌‌“had‌‌the‌‌great‌‌honor‌‌playing‌‌some‌‌of‌‌the‌‌ 

greatest‌‌male‌‌role‌‌models‌‌ever‌‌represented‌‌on‌‌television”‌‌(0:26-0:32)‌‌and‌‌states‌‌that‌‌“most‌‌of‌‌the‌‌
 
 Pham‌‌2 ‌ ‌

men‌‌I‌‌play‌‌ooze‌‌machismo,‌‌charisma‌‌and‌‌power”‌‌(1:23-1:26).‌‌He‌‌further‌‌supports‌‌his‌‌perception‌‌ 

of‌‌traditional‌‌masculinity‌‌by‌‌telling‌‌how‌‌he‌‌was‌‌influenced‌‌in‌‌his‌‌childhood‌‌to‌‌also‌‌reject‌‌
 

femininity:‌  ‌

“As‌‌a‌‌boy,‌‌all‌‌I‌‌wanted‌‌was‌‌to‌‌be‌‌accepted‌‌and‌‌liked‌‌by‌‌the‌‌other‌‌boys,‌‌but‌‌that‌‌ 

acceptance‌‌meant‌‌I‌‌had‌‌to‌‌acquire‌‌this‌‌almost‌‌disgusted‌‌view‌‌of‌‌the‌‌feminine,‌‌and‌‌since‌‌
 

we‌‌were‌‌told‌‌that‌‌feminine‌‌is‌‌the‌‌opposite‌‌of‌‌masculine,‌‌I‌‌either‌‌had‌‌to‌‌reject‌‌embodying‌‌
 

any‌‌of‌‌these‌‌qualities‌‌or‌‌face‌‌rejection‌‌myself.”‌‌(2:23-2:40)‌  ‌

Baldoni‌‌finally‌‌asserts‌‌that‌‌attempting‌‌to‌‌conform‌‌to‌‌the‌‌traditional‌‌masculine‌‌standard‌‌is‌‌
 

ultimately‌‌“toxic”‌‌and‌‌that‌‌there‌‌is‌‌much‌‌more‌‌to‌‌be‌‌gained‌‌emotionally‌‌if‌‌men‌‌acted‌‌beyond‌‌ 

what‌‌society‌‌expects‌‌of‌‌them.‌‌He‌‌supports‌‌his‌‌thesis‌‌by‌‌revealing‌‌how‌‌he‌‌has‌‌emotionally‌‌
 

benefitted‌‌from‌‌challenging‌‌his‌‌social‌‌role‌‌as‌‌a‌‌man‌‌and‌‌by‌‌showing‌‌how‌‌vulnerability,‌‌ 

expressing‌‌love,‌‌and‌‌being‌‌more‌‌emotional‌‌overall‌‌can‌‌lead‌‌to‌‌positive‌‌outcomes.‌  ‌

Baldoni‌‌starts‌‌off‌‌his‌‌TED‌‌talk‌‌by‌‌talking‌‌about‌‌his‌‌experience‌‌as‌‌an‌‌actor‌‌who‌‌has‌‌
 

played‌‌various‌‌“masculine”‌‌roles‌‌such‌‌as‌‌a‌‌male‌‌escort,‌‌shirtless‌‌date‌‌rapist,‌‌shirtless‌‌ 

steroid-using‌‌con‌‌man,‌‌playboy,‌‌and‌‌others.‌‌Baldoni’s‌‌introduction‌‌appeals‌‌to‌‌the‌‌audience’s‌‌ 

sense‌‌of‌‌ethos‌‌because‌‌his‌‌experience‌‌playing‌‌these‌‌roles‌‌tells‌‌viewers‌‌that‌‌he‌‌understands‌‌how‌‌ 

Hollywood‌‌and‌‌society‌‌perceives‌‌masculinity.‌‌Baldoni‌‌emphasizes‌‌this‌‌point‌‌by‌‌listing‌‌out‌‌ 

several‌‌of‌‌the‌‌roles‌‌that‌‌he‌‌has‌‌played‌‌and‌‌by‌‌showing‌‌corresponding‌‌photos‌‌of‌‌his‌‌characters‌‌ 

who‌‌appear‌‌muscular,‌‌confident,‌‌and‌‌sexual‌‌--all‌‌qualities‌‌that‌‌align‌‌with‌‌how‌‌traditional‌‌
 

masculinity‌‌is‌‌viewed.‌‌This‌‌establishes‌‌Baldoni’s‌‌credibility‌‌as‌‌someone‌‌who‌‌understands‌‌what‌‌it‌‌
 

means‌‌to‌‌be‌‌“masculine”.‌‌Further,‌‌Baldoni‌‌establishes‌‌basic‌‌ethical‌‌appeal‌‌through‌‌his‌‌sincere‌‌
 

tone‌‌and‌‌appropriate‌‌language‌‌which‌‌always‌‌help‌‌in‌‌convincing‌‌audiences‌‌that‌‌someone‌‌is‌‌
 

honest‌‌and‌‌knowledgeable.‌‌
   ‌
 Pham‌‌3 ‌ ‌

Finally,‌‌Baldoni‌‌supports‌‌his‌‌argument‌‌primarily‌‌with‌‌pathos,‌‌which‌‌is‌‌an‌‌emotional‌‌ 

appeal‌‌through‌‌words,‌‌passages,‌‌or‌‌any‌‌other‌‌means‌‌that‌‌elicits‌‌an‌‌emotional‌‌response‌‌from‌‌the‌‌ 

audience.‌‌He‌‌accomplishes‌‌this‌‌by‌‌using‌‌vivid‌‌descriptions‌‌and‌‌images‌‌which‌‌lead‌‌viewers‌‌to‌‌ 

imagine‌‌positive‌‌emotions.‌‌For‌‌example,‌‌when‌‌Baldoni‌‌shows‌‌an‌‌Instagram‌‌post‌‌of‌‌him‌‌and‌‌his‌‌
 

wife‌‌kissing,‌‌viewers‌‌can‌‌empathize‌‌with‌‌feelings‌‌of‌‌love‌‌and‌‌happiness‌‌and‌‌thereby‌‌associate‌‌ 

masculine‌‌nonconformity‌‌to‌‌these‌‌positive‌‌emotions‌‌as‌‌well.‌‌Furthermore,‌‌Baldoni‌‌uses‌‌an‌‌ 

incident‌‌from‌‌that‌‌same‌‌Instagram‌‌post‌‌where‌‌someone‌‌had‌‌commented,‌‌“Pls‌‌stop‌‌tagging‌‌me‌‌in‌‌ 

gay‌‌shit‌‌thx”‌‌to‌‌showcase‌‌the‌‌pointlessness‌‌of‌‌rejecting‌‌traditional‌‌“femininity”‌‌as‌‌a‌‌man‌‌
 

(8:55-9:10).‌‌He‌‌accomplishes‌‌this‌‌by‌‌shortly‌‌saying‌‌“thanks”‌‌in‌‌a‌‌sarcastic‌‌tone‌‌after‌‌reading‌‌the‌‌ 

strong‌‌comment‌‌in‌‌order‌‌to‌‌juxtapose‌‌the‌‌two‌‌parts‌‌and‌‌create‌‌humor.‌‌Placing‌‌humor‌‌onto‌‌ 

something‌‌is‌‌often‌‌a‌‌way‌‌to‌‌belittle‌‌it.‌‌Then‌‌after‌‌belittling‌‌the‌‌comment,‌‌he‌‌then‌‌continues‌‌ 

narrating‌‌this‌‌Instagram‌‌anecdote‌‌by‌‌telling‌‌how‌‌the‌‌commenter‌‌and‌‌he‌‌had‌‌messaged‌‌each‌‌other.‌‌
 

In‌‌their‌‌direct‌‌messages,‌‌the‌‌commenter‌‌expresses‌‌his‌‌sincere‌‌emotions‌‌toward‌‌his‌‌girlfriend.‌‌ 

Baldoni‌‌believes‌‌the‌‌commenter:‌‌   ‌

“...‌‌was‌‌just‌‌playing‌‌his‌‌role,‌‌rejecting‌‌the‌‌feminine,‌‌right?‌‌But‌‌secretly‌‌he‌‌was‌‌waiting‌‌for‌‌ 

permission‌‌to‌‌express‌‌himself,‌‌to‌‌be‌‌seen,‌‌to‌‌be‌‌heard,‌‌and‌‌all‌‌he‌‌needed‌‌was‌‌another‌‌man‌‌ 

holding‌‌him‌‌accountable‌‌and‌‌creating‌‌a‌‌safe‌‌space‌‌for‌‌him‌‌to‌‌feel,‌‌and‌‌the‌‌transformation‌ 

was‌‌instant.”‌‌(10:29-10:44)‌  ‌

Afterwards,‌‌Baldoni‌‌shows‌‌another‌‌emotional‌‌photo‌‌of‌‌the‌‌commenter‌‌happily‌‌proposing‌‌to‌‌his‌ 

girlfriend‌‌in‌‌public.‌‌Again,‌‌Baldoni‌‌employs‌‌the‌‌same‌‌tactic‌‌of‌‌first‌‌showing‌‌men‌‌breaking‌‌free‌‌
 

from‌‌traditional‌‌masculinity‌‌and‌‌then‌‌showing‌‌the‌‌positive‌‌results‌‌of‌‌more‌‌emotional‌‌men‌‌who‌‌ 

achieve‌‌love.‌‌By‌‌showcasing‌‌these‌‌two‌‌events‌‌in‌‌a‌‌cause-and-effect‌‌relationship,‌‌Baldoni‌‌implies‌‌ 
 Pham‌‌4 ‌ ‌

that‌‌some‌‌positive‌‌results‌‌such‌‌as‌‌love‌‌can‌‌only‌‌occur‌‌if‌‌men‌‌can‌‌learn‌‌to‌‌adopt‌‌more‌‌“feminine”‌‌ 

qualities.‌‌   ‌

Additionally,‌‌Baldoni‌‌is‌‌a‌‌masterful‌‌speaker‌‌with‌‌his‌‌use‌‌of‌‌different‌‌tones.‌‌In‌‌many‌‌ 

instances,‌‌he‌‌uses‌‌a‌‌dejected‌‌and‌‌honest‌‌tone‌‌when‌‌speaking‌‌about‌‌the‌‌hidden‌‌struggles‌‌of‌‌being‌‌
 

a‌‌man‌‌which‌‌shows‌‌how‌‌traditional‌‌masculinity‌‌can‌‌be‌‌hurtful.‌‌Throughout‌‌his‌‌talk,‌‌Baldoni‌‌
 

often‌‌pauses‌‌between‌‌sentences‌‌to‌‌draw‌‌emphasis‌‌on‌‌what‌‌he‌‌had‌‌just‌‌said.‌‌By‌‌increasing‌‌
 

emphasis,‌‌Baldoni‌‌can‌‌highlight‌‌the‌‌seriousness‌‌of‌‌this‌‌issue.‌‌Finally,‌‌he‌‌often‌‌poses‌‌playful‌‌ 

rhetorical‌‌questions‌‌and‌‌uses‌‌sarcastic‌‌tones‌‌to‌‌create‌‌humor‌‌in‌‌order‌‌to‌‌keep‌‌audiences‌‌engaged.‌  ‌

Overall,‌‌Baldoni‌‌presents‌‌a‌‌well-versed‌‌call‌‌to‌‌action‌‌for‌‌men‌‌to‌‌reject‌‌traditional‌‌
 

masculinity‌‌and‌‌to‌‌aim‌‌to‌‌become‌‌better‌‌humans‌‌overall.‌‌Baldoni‌‌believes‌‌that‌‌men‌‌should‌‌learn‌‌ 

to‌‌adopt‌‌more‌‌“feminine”‌‌traits‌‌and‌‌to‌‌become‌‌more‌‌outwardly‌‌emotional.‌‌He‌‌supports‌‌his‌‌ 

beliefs‌‌with‌‌ethos‌‌and‌‌pathos‌‌through‌‌recounting‌‌his‌‌past‌‌experiences‌‌and‌‌how‌‌they‌‌have‌‌affected‌‌ 

his‌‌life.‌‌Although‌‌Baldoni‌‌lacks‌‌any‌‌logical‌‌appeal,‌‌his‌‌appeal‌‌to‌‌credibility‌‌and‌‌emotions‌‌is‌‌ 

enough‌‌to‌‌convince‌‌audiences‌‌towards‌‌his‌‌argument.‌  ‌

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 Pham‌‌5 ‌ ‌

Works‌‌Cited‌  ‌

Boldani,‌‌Justin.‌‌“Why‌‌I’m‌‌Done‌‌Trying‌‌to‌‌Be‌‌‘Man‌‌Enough.’”‌Y
‌ ouTube‌,‌‌uploaded‌‌by‌‌TED,‌‌3 ‌‌

Jan.‌‌2018,‌‌www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cetg4gu0oQQ&t=19s.‌  ‌

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