I'd Rather Eat Flies

(Sunday School)

Teacher: Good Morning Boys and Girls-

Fred: No Way! No Way! I'm not going to Sunday School
Teacher: Fred, we're not going to Sunday School.
Fred: No Way! No Way! I'd rather eat flies.
Teacher: Fred, We're not going to Sunday School
Fred: No Way! No Way! Just put me back in the suitcase, I don't want to go to
Sunday School
Teacher: Fred, calm down, just listen. We are not going to Sunday School. Just
settle down.
Fred: Are you sure we're not going to Sunday School? There's all the
Sunday school kids. No way I wanna go to Sunday School, I'd rather
get bit by a snake and die of thirst in the outback than go to Sunday
School.
Teacher: Fred, we're not going to Sunday School. Why are you so uptight about
Sunday School anyway?
Fred: Because it's just like, it's got that word.. I can't even say the horrible S
word.
Teacher: What Sunday? What's wrong with Sunday?
Fred: Not Sunday. Sunday means ice cream which is good and church which
is even better. The other S word
Teacher: You mean school?
Fred: No Way! No Way I'm going to Sunday School. I'd rather get put into the
clothes drier by mistake and shrink and shrivel up until I was a useless
finger puppet.
Teacher: Fred, we're not going to Sunday School. Tell me what's wrong with
school.
Fred: Well it's horrible.
Teacher: But what's wrong with it?
Fred: There's all that multiplification, Librianism, Tribes Tables, writing lines,
picking up papers, detention, social silence, Modern hysterics and
ancient hysterics, personal derailment and the three R's, rioting, reeling
and rheumatic. It's just awful. And to have to do all that on a Sunday
as well is unbearable. No Way. I'd rather swallow a pair of scissors
and set off smoke detectors at airports for the rest of my life than go to
School again on a Sunday. I hate all that learning.
Teacher: But there's nothing wrong with learning.
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Fred: Exams, Essays, Failed, Dunce. There's everything wrong with learning.
Teacher: That's not the only type of learning there is.
Here, what's this?
Fred: Cool, who's got their L's
Teacher: I borrowed this off Greg, do you know what it means?
Fred: It means you're a loser.
Teacher: No Fred, it means you are a learner, Greg is learning to drive, that's
pretty cool.
Fred: Yeah but that's a different kind of learning.
Teacher: I know. That's my point. So what's this?
Fred: It’s a footy, is it for me?
Teacher: No I borrowed it from Jack.
Fred: What's that got to do with Sunday school?
Teacher: Well, can Jack kick the ball very well?
Fred: Course he can, he could kick it on the roof if he wanted.
Teacher: Don't give him ideas Fred. Do you think Jack could kick a ball when he
was two?
Fred: Probably.
Teacher: What about when he was one?
Fred: Na, probably not.
Teacher: So, how come he can kick a ball now?
Fred: Practice.
Teacher: You mean he learnt how to kick and play footie by doing it often.
Fred: Yeah alright, I get the point, not all learning is bad, but I'm still not going
to Sunday School. I'd rather get donated to Vinnies and sold for a
dollar to some baby who chewed my arms off and dribbled all over me.
Teacher: Well, this is my last one Fred, Do you know what this is?
Fred: It's a trolley thing.
Teacher: No it's not it's a walker.
Fred: I know, you pinched that off James.
Teacher: No I borrowed it. Do you know what it's for?
Fred: Yep, you put blocks in it then you charge around the house ramming
people in the ankles.
Teacher: No, it's for learning to walk.
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It helps babies to learn how to walk, it stops them falling down so much
and helps them to take more steps and stops them landing on their
faces, most of the time.
Fred: What’s that got to do with Sunday school.
Teacher: Sunday school is just like a walker for Kids, it's like football practice and
driving lessons.
Fred: Is not. It's like school, which is just like prison, which is just like being
buried alive. How can Sunday School be like a walker for kids?
Teacher: Well, a walker helps kids learn to walk and Sunday School helps kids
learn how to walk with Jesus.
Fred: How does that work?
Teacher: Well, you know that we are supposed to walk with Jesus?
Fred: Yep.
Teacher: Well, what does that mean?
Fred: Ummm, we have to follow him and obey him.
Teacher: Exactly. Do you know what the Bible calls someone who follows and
obey Jesus.
Fred: A bicycle?
Teacher: Close.
Fred: Dishwiper?
Teacher: I think you're being silly.
Fred: OK, it’s disciple.
Teacher: Do you know what disciple means?
Fred: It means follower,
Teacher: Exactly, but it also means learner.
Fred: Learner, Yuck, I'm not going to school, I'd rather get my mouth sewn
shut and my seams split open and lose all my stuffing.
Teacher: Remember Fred, not all learning is bad.
Fred: Learning footie can be fun, learning to ride a bike is fun, learning to
drive isn't fun but it's really cool.
Maybe learning about Jesus wouldn't be so bad, he was pretty cool too.
Teacher: He was better than cool, but he said we have to follow and obey him,
that means being his friend, and obeying him, but it also means
learning about him in the Bible.
Let's read it:
John chapter 8, verses 31 and 32.
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"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free."
Fred: Wow, you need to know Jesus, and follow him and do what he said,
and then you will be free. That's even better than getting your drivers
license. But how could you know everything Jesus taught and did?
Teacher: How do you think?
Fred: In the Bible, and at Sunday school.
I suppose I could put up with a bit of rhematic and multplification to find
out more about Jesus. I'll go to Sunday school.
Teacher: That's excellent Fred. But just two things before we go. One,
remember you can learn about Jesus any time by reading your Bible,
Sunday school is just one way to find out more about Jesus. But the
other thing is that Sunday school is all about learning about Jesus,
there's no tribes tables or social silence or any of those other things you
mentioned.
Fred: Hey cool, sign me up. I want to follow Jesus. I wanna go to Sunday
School. I wanna go to Sunday School. No way I wanna miss Sunday
School, I'd rather get eaten by a giant silverfish than miss Sunday
School. I'd rather swallow a whole carton of fabric softener and…
Teacher: Bye Kids, come on Fred. Let's go and talk to the Sunday School
teachers.
Fred: Bye kids, see you at Sunday School.