Reprters: Cachuela, Abegail Survey of Philippine Literature │TTh 2:30-4:00 PM

Laurentino, Ma. Keneth Course Facilitator: Dr. Michael Naidas

Autumn Li August 29, 2021

I. Poem

Closet Quivers
By: J. Neil Garcia
My life hangs
like a garment
in the dark:
I am skin
no ghost
will live in.
Boneless, my arms
sag to my knees,
my feet in the gully
of my buttocks
are tucked.
Shut, my eyes
nest like birds
on my belly.
I am torn
between my heart
and my gut.
The wings of truth
are tired, but I too
shall be free
of myself.
Before me
the door quivers
like a butterfly.
I will burst
it apart, it will fly
from its hinges, redeemed.
Outside,
I will open all things
and sing.
Doors, shaken and shocked
shall slam
on my wings.
 II. Context (Background of the author and the poem)

J. Neil C. Garcia earned his A.B. Journalism, magna cum laude, from the University of Santo

Tomas in 1990; M.A. in Comparative Literature in 1995, and Ph.D. in English Studies: Creative
Writing in 2003 from the University of the Philippines Diliman. He is currently a Professor
of English, Creative Writing, and Comparative Literature at the College of Arts and
Letters, University of the Philippines Diliman, where he also serves as an Associate for
Poetry at the Likhaan: U.P. Institute of Creative Writing (Villanueva, 2004).

J. Neil C. Garcia together with Danton Remoto are the ones who started the genre in Gay
Literature. They are the two of the first published and have emerged as two of the most
outstanding gay poets and essayists in the Philippines. Remoto’s Skin, Voices, Faces
appeared in 1991, and Garcia’s Closet Quivers was published in 1992 by Kalikasan
Press in Manila. In 1994, Remoto and Garcia teamed up to edit Ladlad: An Anthology of
Philippine Gay Writing. It was a great move for this genre and literary critics in the
Philippines began to take notice. As an editor of the famous Ladlad series
of Filipino gay writing, Garcia also edited for the Likhaan, the following anthologies: The
Likhaan Book of Philippine Criticism (1992-1997) and The Likhaan Book of Poetry and Fiction
(1998 and 2000) (Shane, 2009).

 Moreover, he is a renowned queer writer, known for his poetry and critical essays. Through
anthologies like Ladlad and Aura, and essay collections such as Bright Sign, Bright Age and
Myth and Writing, and more, he continues to enrich the discourse on writing and queerness.
He is also one of the fellows of the Likhaan UP Institute of Creative Writing and is the current
director of the UP Press (Likhaan: University of the Philippines Institute of Creative Writing,
2021).

The poem Closet Quivers by J. Neil Garcia was written in a 1st person perspective and written
in a free verse manner. It contains a total of 33 lines. We can find such a literary device called
simile in the lines “My life hangs like a garment in the dark:”, “Shut, my eyes nest like birds
on my belly.”, and “Before me, the door quivers like a butterfly.” As well as metaphors such
as “skin no ghost will live in, boneless, buttocks are tucked, butterfly, and wings of truth.
Also, Imagery, like skin, boneless, tucked, and eyes.

III. Themes

1. Fear of being true to oneself- The persona speaking in the poem depicted the fear of
being true to itself wherein he/she is hiding its true self or identity in a (closet).
He/she has no courage to show off him/herself and this can be seen in the following
lines “My life hangs like a garment in the dark: I am skin no ghost will live in.
Boneless, my arms sag to my knees, my feet in the gully of my buttocks are
tucked.” Often, the reason why a person hides his/her identity or true self is because
 of familial, social, and moral issues that could have consistently pressured them
(Wright, 2017).
2. Accepting oneself and embracing change- In the first part of the poem the speaker
describes how he/she hides his/her true self and explains that he has no courage, but
on the next following lines the poem depicted that the speaker realizes that he/she
must be free, he has to undergo certain changes to fully redeemed and get his/her
true happiness. This is supported by the lines of the poem “I am torn between my
heart and my gut. The wings of truth are tired, but I too shall be free of myself.
Before me, the door quivers like a butterfly. I will burst it apart, it will fly from its
hinges, redeemed.” And in the last 6 lines of the poem, it depicted that the speaker
will now start to be open and free to express him/herself to everyone even to
his/herself. “Outside, I will open all things and sing. Doors, shaken and shocked shall
slam on my wings.” Ackerman (2021) stated that true self-acceptance is embracing
who you are, without any qualifications, conditions, or exceptions. Also, “[Self-
acceptance is] an individual’s acceptance of all of his/her attributes, positive or negative
(Morgado, 2014).  This definition emphasizes the importance of accepting all facets of
the self. It’s not enough to simply embrace the good, valuable, or positive about
yourself; to embody true self-acceptance, you must also embrace the less desirable,
the negative, and the ugly parts of yourself. 
 
 
IV. Symbolisms
 Closet- a person’s haven where the truth might emerge. It could be merely a method
by which a person can multiply personalities.
 Skin- symbolizes limitation, and a person cannot change what a man/woman has of
him/herself.
 Butterfly- it symbolizes change and freedom or freeing oneself. Change must happen
to enable to be fully free.
 Wings- symbolizes freedom

 
V. Criticism/Analysis of the piece grounded upon a literary approach or theory.
Psychoanalysis Criticism & Gender and Queer theory
To analyzed and interpret the poem we used psychoanalysis criticism and gender and queer
theory. Psychoanalytic criticism is the method of "reading" used by Freud and following
theorists to interpret texts. It claims that literary texts, like dreams, reveal the author's
hidden aspirations and fears, and that a literary work is an expression of his or her fears and
anxieties (Delahoyde, 2011).
In the first three lines of the poem “My life hangs like a garment in the dark:”, the speaker
started describing his/her life that hangs like a garment in the dark, meaning it is not seen or
noticed by anyone, and he/she is hiding him/herself in a closet (a person’s haven where the
truth might emerge) everyone. Followed with the lines “I am skin no ghost will live in” the
skin there represents a person’s limitation to change him/herself. In 1923, Sigmund Freud
proposed that the Ego is formed by bodily sensations encountered since birth, particularly
by what happens on the body, i.e., what happens on the skin, which contributes to
establishing a psychic I (Frued,1923). 
Galias and Galias (2018) stated that the skin reflects who we are and how we feel. Between
the "I" and the "other," skin and mentality serve as barriers. The skin establishes and
differentiates the "psyche" (our "inner world") from the exterior world, just as the psyche
establishes and differentiates the "psyche" (our "inner world") from the external world.
Both the skin and the mentality serve to remind us that we are individual human beings. This
means that the speaker depicts that he/she has her own inner world or other personality
living inside his/her body aside from the external world or the self he/she is portraying
outside. “Boneless, my arms sag to my knees, my feet in the gully of my buttocks are
tucked.” “Boneless” means he/she is lacking strength, courage, or foundation to show off
him/her true self (Definition, 2021). And “tucked” means hide, in other words, the speaker
hides/holds his life/self in a place where few or only him/herself knew. “I am torn between
my heart and my gut” this means that the speaker is in the situation wherein he/she is in
the middle of “I want” VS. “I know I need”. It could be I want to be true to myself and to
others without hiding, I want to be happy, I want to be free, or I know I need to keep my self
behave to avoid conflict, I know I need to follow what society dictates me to do, I know I
need to do this for my family to be proud of, etc. 
“The wings of truth are tired, but I to shall be free of myself”. In these particular lines, the
speaker admits that he/she is tired of juggling between doing and choosing the right thing or
choosing what he/she wants or loves to do. That’s when the time he decided that he/she
wanted him/herself to be free. “Before me, the door quivers like a butterfly I will burst
apart, it will fly from its hinges, redeemed.” Butterfly represents or symbolizes change,
meaning the speaker is now ready to undergo certain changes and be free from where
he/she is hiding (closet). “I will burst apart” it could mean he/she is willing to destroy his
outside appearance enable for him/her true self-identity to come out or show up. This could
be the time that the speaker doesn’t care anymore what would be society would say or
his/her family’s opinions. The speaker saved him/herself from the place where he hides
him/herself. This is where the ID enters, in which the speakers decided to be free, and not to
hide/themselves anymore. To satisfy his/her desire. The following last lines, “I will open all
things and sing. Doors, shaken and shock shall slam on my wings.” This is the time wherein
the speaker is not afraid anymore, he/she has the confidence to present him/herself to the
everyone. He/she is now proud to everybody that this is him regardless of whatever people
will say He will show off his true color or identity. 

Using the Gender & queer theory, knowing that J. Neil Garcia is a renowned queer writer,
known for his poetry and critical essays that reflects also in his poem “Closet Quivers”.

Gender studies and queer theory explore issues of sexuality, power, and marginalized
populations (woman as other) in literature and culture. It is a cultural definition of sexuality
and what it means to be male, and female is in flux: "...the distinction between "masculine"
and "feminine".
Niven (2020) stated that the Filipino gay’s psychological-behavioral displays vary. They are
remarkably secretive, ashamed, embarrassed, or sometimes loud and proud. The gay’s
secrecy and feelings of shame and embarrassments result from his being “closeted”. As a
closeted person, he usually keeps quiet and chooses to be unnoticed by others. When
directly asked about something, his answers are usually precise so as not to reveal his
thoughts that might expose or give a hint about his true self. Also, he is keen, aware of, and
very careful of the details of his action (Niven, 2020). This is shown in the poem wherein the
speaker is hiding him/herself and is lacking the courage to show his/her true self.

The poem also depicted two phases of Fassinger and McCarn's Model of Gay
(Lesbian)Identity Development and that is.

1. Awareness: This phase commences with the realization that he/she may have desires
or feelings that are “different from the heterosexual norm and therefore from the
predicted self” (McCarn & Fassinger, 2014). The lines “I am torn between my heart
and my gut. The wings of truth are tired, but I too shall be free of myself.” The poem
supported this claim wherein the speaker knows he/she is a gay/lesbian, yet he/she is
hiding and don’t dare to present themselves.
2. Internalization/Synthesis: In this phase, “a woman (or a gay man) experiences fuller
self-acceptance of desire/love for him/self and co-species as a part of her overall
identity” (McCarn & Fassinger, 2014). This phase can be seen in the last part of the
poem, “Before me the door quivers like a butterfly I will burst apart, it will fly from
its hinges, redeemed. I will open all things and sing. Doors, shaken and shock shall
slam on my wings.” Here the speaker fully accepted him/herself and shows to other
people his/her true self.

References:

Ackerman, E. (2021). What is self-acceptance? 25 excercises and Qoutes.

https://positivepsychology.com/self-acceptance/
Fassinger, R. E. & McCarn, S.R. (2014). Revisioning Sexual Minority Identity Formation: A
New Model of Lesbian Identity and Its Implications for Counsel.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/247736781

Galias & Galias. (2018). The Skin we are, the skin we feel Skin- Symbol- Conciousness.
http://pepsic.bvsalud.org/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0103-
08252018000200005&lng=pt&nrm=iso&tlng=en&fbclid=IwAR1GY8Vpmu4bEl99ErjgtCD
T5oBY8PkpDLjaz-GdDkXk9EXWXBM1mnU8sw8

Garcia, J.N. (2013). J. Neil Garcia Biography. https://criimeflick.wordpress.com/2013/01/06/j-

neil-garcia/

Garcia, J.N. (2015). Closet Quivers. https://poem-locker.tumblr.com/post/128923491500/j-neil-

garcia-closet-quivers

Nevins. J. (2020). Gay Literature Is Out of the Closet. So Why Is Deception a Big Theme?
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/26/books/review/gay-literature-closet-garth-
greenwell-cleanness-james-baldwin.html

Shyne. (2009). Heterosexual and Gay Love Stories in the Philippine Literature.

https://shyne17.wordpress.com/2009/05/31/heterosexual-and-gay-love-stories-in-the-
philippine-literature/

Villanueva, J. (2004). Closet Quivers. https://crackpotsgalore.blogspot.com/2004/12/closet-

quivers.html

Wright, C.Y. (2017). Skeletons in the Closets: Gay Themes in Philippine Fictions in English.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/319292323

Wright, YC.Y. (2016). The Queer Queen Quivers: The Gays in Selected Philippine Prose in
English. https://rupkatha.com/V8/n4/v8n418.pdf