Personality Development

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UNIT 3 MOTIVATIONS AND EMOTIONS

Module 8 – Emotional Aspect of Personality

"When we hate our enemies, we give them power over us-power over our sleep, our appetites and our
happiness. They would dance with joy if they knew how much they were worrying us. Our hate is not
hurting them at all, but it is turning our own days and nights into hellish turmoil."
- Dale Carnegie -

LEARNING OBJECTIVES:

At the end of this module, you should be able to:

 Enumerate Maslow’s hierarchy of needs;

 Explain anger management; and
 Develop sense of humor.

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Discussion Proper

Why do you want to be successful? Why do you want to be a singer, an actress, a doctor, a lawyer,
and so on? The motives are definitely not biological. New motives, learned by interacting with other
people account for the complexity of these needs.

These are called psychological motives and are distinguished from physiological needs. Abraham
Maslow, a leader in the development of humanistic psychology, classified motives and constructed a
hierarchy of needs, ascending from the basic biological needs to the most complex psychological motives.

Motivation and emotion are closely related. Feelings determine our actions, and conversely, our
behavior often determines how we feel.

 Self-actualization needs: needs to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential

 Aesthetic needs: symmetry, order, and beauty
 Cognitive needs: to know, understand, and explore
 Esteem needs: to achieve, be competent, and gain approval and recognition
 Belongingness and love needs: to affiliate with others, be accepted, and belong
 Safety needs: to feel secure and safe, out of danger
 Physiological needs: hunger, thirst, and so forth

There are two basic theories of motivation:

1. Freud's psychoanalytic theory tells that our actions are determined by inner forces and impulses that
often operate at an unconscious level.
2. Social learning theory maintains that our behavior is learned through interaction with and observation
of the environment.

Emotions result from the satisfaction or non-satisfaction of a motive. Emotions are strong feelings of
some kind accompanied by highly complex changes in the body itself, like, weakness in the knees
trembling and 'funny feelings.' Emotions are reactions to either frustrations or satisfactions. If you are hungry
and cannot find food, you get angry. When satisfied, however, you are happy. Man inherits his physical
equipment for emotional expression, but learns the kind of emotional behavior that he demonstrates.

Emotions are spontaneous responses to certain stimuli. It involves an effect with in one's overall well-
being. It is a natural and random reaction to given situations which may either cause anger, sadness,
happiness and fear. Emotions are caused by certain stimulus that affects us either positively or negatively.

Such may considerably bring an impact that may affect us not only emotionally but also
psychologically-(memory); yet our emotions interact with all these mental functions. Others regard the term
'affect' as synonymous with emotion which is experienced consciously.

Most scientists agree that emotions are different from rational thought (cognition), from formation
known through our senses (perception), and from the storing of information (memory); yet our emotions
interact with all these mental functions. Others regard the term 'affect' as synonymous with emotion which
is experienced consciously.

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There are actually six emotions that are noteworthy as found in most studies around the world. There
is a universal expression of happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, disgust and fear. They show our experience
and label our emotions as evident in our facial expressions.

Our emotions are not only communicated through facial expressions but through physiological
reactions as well. Such is controlled by our nervous system specifically by the autonomic nervous system
which controls involuntary, biological functions such as heart rate and digestion.

Among the specific changes that occur are the following:

 Rate and depth of breathing increase.
 Heart rate increases, pumping more blood through the circulatory system and causing the face to
flush.
 The pupils of the eyes open wider, allowing more light to enter and thereby increasing visual
sensitivity.
 The mouth becomes dry as the salivary glands and the rest of the digestive system stop functioning.
 Intestines tighten giving 'butterflies'.
 The sweat glands increase their activity to allow a reduction in the increased body temperature.
 Hair all over the body stands on end as the muscles under the skin contract. (Feldman, 1999) This
gives a crawly feeling or 'goosebumps'.

KINDS OF EMOTIONS

There are pleasant emotions, such as love, feelings of accomplishment, and affection; there are also
unpleasant emotions, as fear, anxiety, and anger.

Love and affection are emotional responses which, if expressed in a positive way form the basis for
many of man's greatest achievements. Love builds tolerance, self-sacrifice, friendliness, and many other
pleasant experiences. If love is used negatively, it can result in vanity, selfishness, and deteriorate into hate
and jealousy.

Handling Emotions

Emotions can either be beneficial or not although all of them are inevitable. In our lifetime, we all will
undergo all of the emotions through the ups and downs of life. However, how we handle those emotions
would largely depend on how well we have understood ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses, our
needs, our interests and our shortcomings.

We do not want our emotions to rule our lives or else we become slaves of our sentiments until we
fall into the pit of depression. Though it is normal to be emotional, extreme emotions can actually lead us to
obsession, fits of rage and insanity. Hence, one should learn to handle his emotions well to keep him 'in
control'.

Below are some ways to get hold' of ourselves and develop skills to handle basic emotions in a healthy
manner at certain points in our lives:

 Calmly and clearly communicate how you feel to let others know how you feel and think.

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 Plan ahead so you do not have to be anxious when you present your work or output.
 Learn to laugh at yourself.
 Use relaxation techniques.
 Understand and accept that 'nobody is indeed perfect, no matter how you try.'
 When angry, be calm and think on how you can resolve those things that made you angry.
 Think of the precise words that can express what you feel because wrong words may just aggravate
the situation.
 Improve your sense of well-being by feeling good about yourself
 Love and be loved.
 Try to channel your energy to more productive activities.
 Divert your attention to good things and memories.
 Avoid those that make you highly emotional.
 Learn to forgive and forget.... to err is human, to forgive divine'.
 Be reminded that you are the 'Master of your soul, the captain of your ship'.
 Pray and seek for peace of mind.
 Improve self-esteem...physically and psychologically.
 Listen to your favorite music, read books, watch a film, chat on-line.
 Be positive about the learning we derive from life.
 Interact with others
 Have a make-over...change your looks, 'get-up' and rearrange your room.

HOW TO HANDLE YOUR HURT?

Disappointment in love causes hurt feelings. Everyone is vulnerable at one time or another, no one
can avoid all hurt. If you live life to its fullest, you're bound encounter disappointment and rejection. On the
other hand, getting burned can help you grow into a more sensitive, caring person.

Most people associate vulnerability - the capacity to be hurt by others - with weakness or inadequacy.
But there's nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable, and there's no reason to fight the pain. (In fact, realizing
that everyone experiences hurt is likely to help you learn to deal with it better, so that what might once have
been an excruciating jab becomes more like just an unpleasant pinprick.) "Vulnerability is not a bizarre state
of affairs, it is universal.”

It's difficult for anyone to handle hurt especially for those who are susceptible. During adolescence,
"there are great stresses because teens' personalities and bodies are just in the process of forming, since
teens haven't formed an identity they feel comfortable with, they're open to hurt."

You're vulnerable every time you become deeply involved with other people. Teens often experience
this kind of vulnerability for the first time around the ages of fourteen and fifteen, when peers begin to
abandon their long friendships with the same sex to explore relationships with the opposite sex. This may
cause tremendous pain for the loyal confidant who's left behind. Or a girl may feel devastated when a boy
suddenly dismisses her shortly after he has professed his love. Since teens don't really know themselves fully,
many of them tend to establish tentative relationships. This often means rejection for the person seeking a
more permanent attachment.

Even understanding that the relationship isn't likely to last forever won't pass over. What can help is
being forced to confront your emotions, analyze your expectations, and probe into the reasons for being
rejected. Reviewing the relationship may help you avoid repeating the same mistakes, especially if you felt
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responsible for those. The worst part of getting hurt is the realization that both you and your friend are
fallible. Sometimes we dream that everything is perfect, and getting hurt shakes us back to reality.

Once we touch down, we may land hard. Being vulnerable can take its toll physically. Some teens
experience body sensations that may vary like nausea and diarrhea. Many people experience tightness in
chest, insomnia, and cramps. Some have specific areas of their body that react to emotional stress,
gastrointestinal, urinary, respiratory, or muscular disorders may flare up briefly or persist until they become
chronic.

In some cases, vulnerability may produce psychological disorders. It is normal to feel anxious,
apprehensive, or frightened after being rejected, but sometimes self-confidence and self acceptance can be
undermined that self-doubt and self-hatred are created or feelings of undesirability and inferiority of falsely
believing there is something wrong with you may arise.

What is more likely to happen is that a feeling of vulnerability may make you avoid becoming involved
in new relationships. The thought of starting all over after being rejected is terrifying because there is always
the fear of being hurt again. Your pride may be so shattered that you vow never to get involved with anyone
again. But you should. And you almost always do.

Accompanying these thoughts of inadequacy are frustration and anger. Such feelings are normal and
should be expressed, rather than suppressed. If you deny your hurt and bury your feelings, you may be in
for big trouble. Ulcers, headaches, colitis, and allergies sometimes occur when you fail to deal with emotional
conflicts. Not liking yourself is a bad feeling, and over a long period, it can manifest itself in physical
symptoms.

Even if you don't experience physical symptoms, it will probably take you longer to overcome your
pain if you stifle your dismay and disappointment. Also, you are more likely to explode at the wrong time
and for the wrong reasons when you have failed to come to terms with your feelings.

Some teens react to rejection by trying to make everyone else seem responsible for their
hurt everyone except themselves. But if they are at fault, they are likely to repeat their faulty behavior in
subsequent relationships. Others use rejection as an excuse to indulge in self-pity especially when it brings
them attention. Some teens end up suspicious of others and relate only on a superficial level.

HOW TO HANDLE YOUR ANGER?

When social motives are not satisfied, anger results. Some social motives are the need to succeed,
to be the best, etc.

Learning modifies the way that anger is expressed; one time he may fight and in another he may use
ugly language, or he may just leave the room. Anger causes a person to "lose his temper".

What is anger? Anger is the flash of rage you feel when a child defies you or a lover betrays a trust.
It's the slow burn at injustice, at violent crime or venal politicians. Anger may look like a sulk, a burst
of temper, the merest flicker of a frown. Or it may be scarily visible: the remark not made and the hand not
raised, but the face unnaturally pale.

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Can I control my anger? The answer is a resounding yes and a resounding no. Yes, it's possible
to control showing your anger, and a good thing too. Most of us do not chew out the policeman as he's
writing us a ticket, or talk back to the boss unless we have a job offer elsewhere. We learn to mask anger at
an early age and get good at it, often without even being aware that we are doing it. But we can't control
our feelings.

Feelings come and go; the patterns they make, which are evident in our behavior, conscious
and unconscious, illustrate who we are. Although you can't eliminate your feelings, you can temper them
through acceptance. Recognizing and understanding why you feel what you feel is the first step toward
mastering unruly emotion. I was once jealous and angry when a dear friend married.

In an ideal world our awareness of anger would slip easily in and out of our experience. It would
remind us where we draw our idiosyncratic lines, give us a push, warn us away from dangers, fire us up for
action. Feelings would ebb and flow. Nervously I stand before an audience, speaking calmly, until a heckler
interrupts from the back of the room. In a flash I lose my stage fright and glare him down. Anger has rushed
to my defense; I feel a ripple of relief, and break the tension with a joke. The audience laughs with me,
and with pleasure heightened by the tingle of nervous tension, I return to the subject of my speech. I sit
down to the applause. Loose-limbed, I relax. I am myself - a thinking, person feeling, sensing,

Of all our feelings, anger is perhaps the quickest, the least likely to mesh with how we'd like to see
ourselves, how we'd like to appear. The roots of anger, the measure of its intensity, go back to
childhood, when we were doubtless punished for it, or believed we should or might be.

CONTROL YOUR TEMPER

A temper that's allowed to burst out in the wrong way at the wrong time and before the wrong people
can make the difference between a happy life and a thoroughly miserable one. In the process, you destroy
friendships, lose boyfriends, wreck relationships with teachers, and make life with parents at home more of
a hassle than it normally is. And that can be just the beginning.

Unless anger is understood and managed properly, it can accumulate inside and cause a wide range
of ailments. Feelings of suppressed anger can not only play havoc on our nervous system but produce certain
chemical changes in the body. Then we become candidates for such physical and emotional problems as
severe headaches, stomach disorders, skin eruptions, exhaustion, nervous upsets, and depression.

Often, repressed rage will worsen existing problems such backache and colitis, a
common inflammation of the large intestine. In extreme cases, when enough hidden anger is stored up, an
individual may become so acutely depressed that suicide is a possibility.

THE KEYS TO CONTROL

1) Watch your personal pressure gauge to make sure steam isn't building up inside.
Are you accumulating a good hate against anyone or anything when you become aware tensions are
piling up? One way is to talk the problem out with a close friend, teacher, anybody you trust. But it's much
better to go right to the source. A discussion with parents, bosses, or friends, where you explain what's

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bothering you and in tum listen to their side, can help ease the friction and even remove it entirely long
before the flash point is reached.
Talking-out sessions are especially important in the home, where parents and young people, feeling
themselves unable to bridge an ever-widening chasm, remain silent, permitting frustrations to reach danger
levels. Candid discussions before emotion has overcome reason can help both sides see each other's
viewpoints more clearly.

2). Avoid situations that irritate you, that you feel could lead to an explosion,
When you are faced with a scene simply walk away. Make a quick excuse, say anything, but leave
the field of potential combat.
If you can't leave physically, withdraw figuratively. If you feel the anger rising, turn your thoughts
elsewhere for at least ten seconds. Think of a sunset, a child on a skateboard, a second hand moving on a
clock anything that's as different as possible from the situation.

3) If you're already mad and getting madder, siphon off the rage harmlessly.
Anger is like dynamite - useful but dangerous. Knowing how to keep it where it belongs, using it
properly, and releasing it harmlessly, when necessary, can save you woe you neither need nor want.

CONFLICT AND STRESS

Our motives are not easily satisfied, obstacles must be overcome, choices must be made, and
disappointments tolerated. Each of us develops characteristic ways of responding to attempts to block our
goals. These blockages are referred to as frustration or stress.

Frustration occurs when progress toward a desired goal is blocked or delayed. Our present-day traffic
jams, crowded lines at the market, economic crises, natural calamities such as floods and typhoons - these
are obstacles or restrictions in the environment imposed upon people. Sometimes these barriers stem from
our own limitations, such as physical handicaps, lack of abilities, or goals that are too far beyond the scope
of the ability of a person.

Conflict

When two motives conflict, the satisfaction of one leads to the frustration of the other. Most conflicts
involve goals that are simultaneously desirable and undesirable both positive and negative. Candy is delicious
but fattening. Going to the movie is fun, but losing study time can produce low grades. A person confronted
with a goal that is at once attractive produce low grades. A person confronted with a goal that is at once
attractive and dangerous may hesitate trying to decide what to do.

Approach and avoidance conflicts while this type indicates that the two motives operate
somewhat differently. The closer you get to an attractive object, the stronger your tendency is to
approach it: the closer you get to something unpleasant or fearful, the stronger your urge is to run away.
This happens with couples who break up. Away from each other, negative feelings are reduced; close to
each other, negative feelings drive them apart. Once the ambivalence is recognized, their attempts at
reconciliation become understandable.

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Stress

Stress is defined as a state of extreme difficulty, pressure or strain. More so, it is understood as
physical response to change and basically considered as a normal part of being alive. According to Gatchel &
Baum (1983) stress is the process by which the individual responds to environmental and
psychological events that are perceived as threatening or challenging.

Types of Stress

• Eustress refers to the stress that is induced from events that are perceived to be good or
positive (also referred to as the “good stress”). Examples include starting college, getting
married, or having a baby

• Distress refers to stress that is induced from events that are perceived to be bad or negative
(also referred to as “bad stress”). Examples include failing an exam, fighting with a friend, or
getting a speeding ticket.

• Hypostress refers to the stress that is induced from lack of stimulation or boredom, which may
not have any consequential effect.

Typical Symptoms of Stress

What Causes Stress?

Although we tend to think of stress as caused by external events, it is the way in which we interpret
and react to events that makes them stressful. People differ dramatically in the type of events they interpret
as stressful and the way in which they respond to such stress. For example, speaking in public can be stressful

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for some people, and not for others. Also the type and severity of stress response varies from one individual
to another, according to their personality, experience, motivation and the support they receive from
managers, colleagues, family and friends.

Change is stressful

Stress is often caused by a major life event. It might be divorce, a child leaving home, getting
pregnant, moving to a new home, changing jobs, finding out we are ill, moving school, going to college and
so on. When change happens quickly, it is likely to be more stressful. If you have many changes to cope with
at the same time, more stress is experienced.

COPING WITH STRESS

Change your perceptions. Consider failures and stressors as a beginning of something new.
Perceive it as a reawakening experience and a way towards more opportunities;

Alter your behavior. Leave or let go of the stressor. If there is a need to change the nature of your
work or daily routine, so be it; try something new that is challenging and rejuvenating.

Exercise or engage in sports. It may do well for your resistance than a week-long vacation.

Have a quiet time with yourself. Take a walk along the beach or a park.
Search for more information and learning. Knowledge gives you more understanding of
the situation you are in. Learning more about a situation can reduce the stress it produces.

Relax - to control your physiological reactions to stress. Reversing the physiological reactions of
stress may reduce stress itself. There is a need to attempt to take control of the body's physiological
reactions. Such can actually be done through Meditation to concentrate so thoroughly on the stimulus
that you become unaware of outside stimulation, focusing entirely on the inner experience. Following
about twenty minutes of meditation. People typically feel refreshed, relaxed and less-stressed
(Feldman, 1999).

Turn to others - Social support or the knowledge that there are the 'significant others who care
and enable you to experience lower levels of stress and to be better able to cope with the stress you
undergo.

Think away stress - meeting expectations and always trying to comply with these level of
competence increases your usual stress. Learning to deal with stress implies acceptance and learning
to deal constructively and reasonably with stress. Here you get to control yourself a lot better.

Utilize some defense mechanisms - these are unconscious strategies people use to cope
by concealing stress and anxiety from themselves and others. This is a way to protect yourself from
the threatening effects of stressors, defense mechanisms are as follows:

Repression - Pushing stressful, anxiety- producing thoughts or impulses out of

conscious awareness;
Suppression - Voluntarily attempting to push unpleasant thoughts out of
one's consciousness;
Displacement - Discharging negative feelings or thoughts regarding a more
threatening, powerful person onto a weaker one;
Projection - Attributing one's unacceptable ideas or thoughts to others or blaming others;

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Rationalization - Distorting reality through justification of events; Regression - Retreating
to an earlier stage of development;
Denial – Refusing to accept or perceive reality; and
Fantasy - Gratifying one's desires by imagining satisfying events and achievements.
Source: Feldman, 1999

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the confidence and pride you have in yourself. Self-concept is tied to one's self-esteem,
how you regard yourself is crucial to the development of a stable and dynamic emotional well-being. People
with high self-esteem individuality and uniqueness. We may not be contented with what we have but we
should be happy that we have the abilities and the qualities that are distinctly ours alone.

"Emotional hang- ups' often are brought about by the inability of an individual to appreciate his
existence and therefore fail to see the meaning in this life. However, if a person can identify himself as
somebody who significantly contributes something to this earthly life, then he can clearly determine that he
is important and his existence actually serves a purpose. Such leads to the acceptance of greater challenges
and development of a stronger and confident personality, unaffected by fits of extreme emotions.

Certain behaviors indicate self-esteem. These can determine whether we possess a high or low self-
esteem which may directly or indirectly affect our sensitivity to the 'real' events and challenges that we get
to meet everyday.

Behaviors That Indicate Self-Esteem

 You trust your own reactions

 You accept yourself as you are
 You take responsibility for your actions
 You feel competent in some areas
 You are willing to try new things even if you sometimes fail.
 You admit mistakes.
 You trust the reactions of other people more than your own
 You let others make decisions for you.
 You avoid new challenges.
 You worry a lot about what you consider to be your faults
 You basically do not like or respect yourself.
 You take risks to try to gain recognition.

Source: Merki, 1999

According to Erikson, Freud and other behavioral scientists, there is a direct relationship between
childhood go through our childhood and adulthood. There are certain needs that has to be satisfied and are
said to be the five A's needed for healthy development. These are the following: experiences and self-
concept.

 ACCEPTANCE - Their theory suggests that as we being accepted without any conditions regardless
of our flaws, imperfections and idiosyncrasies;

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 APPRECIATION- being valued or given importance and being respected. Through this we gain our
self- esteem and dignity;

 APPROVAL - being recognized for our accomplishments so that we do not doubt our capabilities
and instead we are motivated to work and achieve more;

 AFFIRMATION - being accepted for our individuality and uniqueness from all the others;
 AFFECTION - being loved and cherished. Such is manifested verbally and especially through actions.

DO YOU KNOW?

Is the heart the seat of emotions? Poetry, song, and folklore have long portrayed the
heart as the province of the emotions, while making rational thought the business of the brain.
Actually such emotions as fear, love, hate, anger, elation, greed, lust, envy, and shame have
not one cause or source but several, beginning with the internal or external event that provokes
them. Although emotions often involve a quicker heartbeat and other "heartfelt" effects, the
heart is just one part of a complex story.

Each conscious emotion is the result of a welter of signals traveling back and forth on
nerve and brain pathways. If there is any one control center for all this activity, it is the limbic
system, the collective name (from Latin limbus, meaning "border") for several interconnected
structures that lie near the brain's core. Enveloping the top of the brain stem, they form
a borderland between the "lower" or "animal" parts of the brain (mainly involved with instincts,
drives, and automatic regulation of body processes) and the higher, uniquely human brain
areas, associated with the cerebral cortex, which permit advanced reasoning and planning.

In this strategic spot, a kind of crossroads where visceral feelings, cognition, and
memory meet, the limbic system helps shape the basic motivations and emotions of our lives.

Source: Reader's Digest, 2005

ABC's of the Human Mind, 2005

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Self-Assessment Questionnaire

THOUGHT QUESTIONS…

Justify your answers to the following questions.

1. Can you really define emotions? How?

2. How do you think self-esteem affect one’s emotional well-being?
3. Have you felt the following emotions in your life? If yes, cite the reason for this and describe
how it felt.
a. Happiness
b. Disgust
c. Sadness
d. Fear
e. Rage
4. Search for any blog or forum that discusses about the negative effects of extreme emotions
on a person. Attach the URL and create/write a comment related to what is being discussed.

Summary

1. Focus on happy, beautiful thoughts.

2. Cultivate a positive attitude.
3. Develop the spiritual side of your nature.
4. Reserve some time for quiet meditation.
5. Develop relaxation skills.
6. Recognize that physical health affects mental health - be sure to provide your body with
adequate nutrition, exercise, and rest.
7. Seek professional counseling if your problems are too much for you to handle alone.

Reference

 Santos, Amparo E. Personality for Today’s Young Professional Third Edition

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