Are you difficult to Love?

That idea that one is in many ways an extremely difficult person to be in

a relationship with may sound rather improbable and even at points
offensive. Yet fally understanding and readdyand graciously admitting
to this possibility might be the surest way of making sure one in a
endurable proposition over the long-term. There are few people more
deeply insufferable than there who don’t, at regular tn tervals, suspect
they might be so. We are, all of us, in variably hugely tricky
propositions. We don’t need to know any one in particular to know this
about everyone. We have all in some way or another-been inadequately
parented, we have a panoply of anfortunate psychological traits, we are
be set by bad habits, we are anxious, jealous, ill-tempered and vain. We
are bringing an awesome amount of trouble into someone else’s life by
agreeing to be their partner. We tend to be shielded from this
unwelcome news prior to a big ralationship through a mixture of
sentimentality and neglect. Our parents loved us too much to tell us: our
friends don’t want to get bogged down in detailed critiques of our
personalities; a pleasant occosional meals is all they want from us. And
our exes were to keen to escape from us to offer up a helpfully detailed
critique of our personalities. They simply told us they needed a little
more space- or needed to take a long trip to India. Furthermore, when
we’re on our own, we just don’t notice from annoying we might well be
in the eyes of others. Perhaps we were in a sulk for the whole of a
Sunday, but no one was there to be diven crazy by our self-poty and our
passive fary. We may have tendecies to use our work as an escape from
intimacy, but so long as we are not permanently with someone, we can
pass off our eccentric hours without comment. Our peculiar eating
habits won’t be real until there is another person across table to register
our challenging chewing sounds and inggredient combinations.
Eventually, a partner will call us out on these traits. It fells like a
horrible personal attack which a nicer person would not put us through.
But it is no such thing. It is an inevitable response to our failings-which
anyone would need eventually to bringup. Our partner is not really
doing anything odd. They are merely holding up a mirror. Every one,
seen close up, has a appalling, amount wrong with their character. It’s
not us –it’s the human condition. The specifics varyhugdy, if course;
people are nightmarish in different ways. But the basic point is to share.
Whatever we think or feel about ourselves, we will be revealed as sorely
defective upon close-up, prolonged inspection. Sadly, it’s not that our
partner is being too critical or unusually demanding. They are the barer
of an invitable nows: that we are a nightmare. Being asked to
acknowledge ones flows isn’t a request to admid something very
strange-what would be strange would be to think that one was with out
major defects. Of course we have some delight fall qualities as well, but
it does mean that we are unavoidably might be slightly crazey of
desperate answer to the followings question,” How are you difficult to
live with.” Because our minds may go blank at this point and remember
only tender and beautiful side, we can lean on a set of prompts. For
examble when I’m annoyed I have a tendency to… When I feel hurt I…
Around money I can be a bit difficult because… I guess I worry really
quite a lot about… I suppose I might be a bit of a handful around sex
because… The point of prompting greater awareners of our questionable
patterms of behavour isn’t to feel quilty or as hamed but them. Just to
see how easily they can be confusing, disturbing and annoying to
another person. We need before we conmit ourselves to a relationship to
get fully aquainted with all the ways in which we are going to be a
serious challage to live around.