getAbstract compressed knowledge

Ask the Right Question!

How to Get What You Want Every Time and in Any Situation

by Rupert Eales-White
@ 1998 McGraw-Hill
208 pages

Focus Take-Aways
Leadership • The main reason for poor out-comes in conversations and relationships is failure
Strategy to ask the right questions.
Sales & Marketing
• Our bias is toward questions that provide answers.
Corporate Finance
Human Resources • Ask open-ended questions. They elicit more information and are more productive.
Technology
• Conversations are often ineffective because participants use closed questions,
Production & Logistics
instead of open ones.
Small Business
Economics & Politics • The most effective conversations focus on a single issue.
Industries & Regions
• An effective conversation should lead to agreed-upon action by both participants.
Career Development
Personal Finance • It is better not to have a conversation at all than to have one that doesn’t go well.
Self Improvement • In the long run, it is better to put more effort and energy into a conversation than
Ideas & Trends to have a shorter conversation.
• Have your conversations at an appropriate time and in an appropriate place,
so you can give them the proper attention and focus.

Rating (10 is best)

Overall Applicability Innovation Style

6 8 5 5

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compressed knowledge

Review
Ask the Right Question!
Author Rupert Eales-White emphasizes the importance of using active listening, focus-
ing on a particular subject, and asking good open-ended questions to get productive
results from interviews and conversations. He mixes a few examples with specific how-to
principles outlining ways to structure effective conversations. This generally solid book
has the feel of a textbook. Some readers may find it too structured or basic, since the
author breaks down conversations into sentences with some detail. The book’s approach
may be more appropriate in organizational cultures where people prefer a focused style
of questioning. Those who prefer a more informal, casual conversational style may find
his approach less suitable. getAbstract.com recommends this book to human resource
professionals, to those facing critical interviews, and to those who wish to think strategi-
cally about their conversational, information-gathering, or persuasive skills.

Abstract
The Key to Having an Effective Conversation
The major reason conversations have poor or negative outcomes is a failure to ask the right
questions. Few people have been taught “the art and science of effective questioning.”
“The core reason
for negative or These failures are reflected in a number of key areas – in conversations between employ-
unsatisfactory
outcomes in con-
ees and managers, in interviews with clients, and in meetings that become big time-
versations and wasters. You can learn to have more effective conversations.
relationships is
failure to ‘ask the Often, the workplace prioritizes shorter, rushed conversations, where it is likely that you
right question.’” will not be able to ask enough questions or the right questions. In such cases, a longer
conversation would be more effective. Shorter conversations do not save time. In the long
run, you will spend more time compensating for information you lack that might have
been elicited in a longer conversation. You may also find yourself cutting a conversation
short because the other person is initially unresponsive. When that happens, instead of
backing off, try to open up the conversation with a more open-ended question and with
“The general more responsive listening.
experience is that
meetings are far Conversations are often ineffective because people tend to use closed questions, rather
too numerous, than more productive open questions. Closed questions usually produce ‘yes’ or ‘no’
often wasting
everyone’s time answers, while open queries promote discovery. Open-ended questions begin with words
and forcing the such as what, why, how, where, when, and who. In contrast, closed questions tend to
individual man- end: Is it? Can you? Will he? Have you? Do they? Should he? Thus, you want to use
ager to work
longer hours to
more open-ended questions, particularly when your goal is to gain information from a
catch up or stay conversation.
ahead than would
otherwise be nec-
essary.” Recognizing the Right Context and Approach
Conversations which improve relationships have a purpose, such as resolving an issue,
solving a problem, or taking advantage of an opportunity. On the other hand, a conversa-
tion that is not focused on a particular issue or purpose tends to be aimless or to result
in an outcome the questioner doesn’t want. Even worse, an unfocused conversation can
produce negative results and undermine the relationship. In an unfocused conversation,

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unexpected negative problems or issues can come up, producing negative resolutions.
Thus, if you want to conduct an effective conversation, you should focus it around a
single-issue. This focus is crucial. You have to focus to achieve anything in life. By
focusing on one issue, you will get “optimum results.”
An effective conversation should produce an action that you agree upon with the other
person or people in the conversation. Then, you will need to follow-up to “maintain the
momentum” initiated by your conversation. This follow-up will give the participants a
sense of “shared achievement.”
“We have an inev-
itable bias toward
questions that The right attitude and approach are also critical components of a good conversation. You
provide answers.” should be in the right frame of mind to ask the right questions and to listen well to the
answers you receive. Additionally, you need to choose deliberately to focus on the person
with whom you are speaking. Be selective about the people with whom you have these
intense, deliberate conversations. It is too exhausting to have conversations at this depth
with a lot of people. You want to limit such conversations to a few people with whom you
have important business or personal relationships.
Schedule key conversations for the appropriate time and place. You want to give them
proper attention and focus. Otherwise, it is better not to have the conversation at all,
since bad timing or location creates a greater risk that the conversation will go badly.
“Few of us are
taught about The Importance of Effective Listening
open questions, Now you have set the proper stage and assumed the right attitude for asking open-ended
and, for that questions. Next, you need to be an effective listener. Such listening is difficult for many
matter, the full
range and types people, because most of us grow up seeing that talkers are rewarded. Ask yourself if
of questions.” you are a good listener. Several human tendencies can make you, inadvertently, a bad
listener:
• The tendency to feel more important or more knowledgeable than the other person.
• The tendency to hold unquestioned beliefs, assumptions, attitudes, and opinions.
• The tendency to listen to yourself, more than to others.
• The tendency to fill in the spaces in conversations with distracting thoughts that
pull you away from listening. This occurs because a listener can think faster than a
speaker can talk.
Thus, many people are poor listeners. Poor listening can take several forms:
“Effective con-
versations are • Aggressive listening – This happens when someone doesn’t want to listen, but is
single-issue
forced to pay attention. The listener feels resentful and that resentment is obvious.
conversations....If
we focus on one • Passive listening – This happens when the listener doesn’t feel like conversing, is
issue, we get opti- uninterested in the speaker, and drifts off.
mum results.” • Logical listening – This occurs when the listener doesn’t hear with the heart and acts
detached.
• Arrogant listening – This happens when the listener feels as if he already knows
better than the speaker.
• Nervous listening – This occurs when the listener feels uncomfortable because she
is in an awkward situation, such as talking to a difficult boss or client.
In all these cases, the listener’s body language, non-verbal signals, or gestures often
show that he is not listening well. To avoid these problems with listening, keep the follow-

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ing key principles in mind. When you are listening, you should be committed and objec-
tive. You should suspend judgment and check to be sure you understand. For example,
use an open question to suggest that you may have missed something. An open ques-
tion also invites the other person to fill you in with more information. Use positive body
“If we ask our- language that reflects your interest. You can also use encouraging, little verbal noises,
selves and others such as “Hmmm,” or make comments such as, “You don’t say,” to show that you are
to do too much, paying attention. Finally, you should “appreciate silence.” Do not rush to fill the pauses
to commit to a
number of actions
in a conversation or the gaps that can happen naturally after you have asked a question
by trying to deal and are waiting for the other person to respond.
with more than
one issue, the
probability is high
Knowing the Right Questions to Ask
(with the lack of To ask effective open-ended questions, be aware that there are two types or clusters of
focus and all the such questions. One cluster is made up of the “why, what, and how” questions that are
other pressures
the “discovery kings.” These should be used, primarily, at the beginning and middle of
on our time) that
either one or both the conversation. The other cluster consists of the “who, when, and where” questions that
parties will fail to are the “action-planning queens.” Use these mainly at the end of the conversation.
do what was
promised, thus The “what” questions are good for identifying issues and probing for more information.
reducing the qual-
A “what” question can be completely open-ended. Use it at the beginning of a conversa-
ity of the relation-
ship and tion, when you are trying to find the core issue. It is also useful in the middle or end of
achieving the a conversation, to help you determine if you have missed or omitted anything. A “what”
entirely wrong question – such as “What do you mean, precisely?” – can encourage the other person to
result.”
think more deeply or reveal more facts.
Bring in the “who, when, and where” questions after you have clarified the issue and
want to move toward concluding the conversation and determining a follow-up action.
To make your questions even more effective, use these tips:
“We must
consciously and
• Think before you speak, using pauses to help you control the questions you ask.
deliberately • If you know the time, place, and purpose of the conversation, plan your questions in
choose to focus advance.
on the other • Remind yourself to ask open questions.
person so that we
ask the right • Avoid leading questions, in which your question suggests a right answer. For example,
question, and we don’t indicate that your CEO has a certain opinion before you ask the person to give
must also decide you his own.
with whom to
have ‘conversa-
• Avoid loaded questions that imply your opinion. Don’t ask, “Don’t you agree that
tions with a pur- .....?”
pose,’ and how • Avoid logical closed alternatives, where the person has to choose between two preset
often.” choices.
• Keep your questions simple. Ask for only one answer at a time.
• Engage in perceptive probing. This means you should ask questions that pick up on
the other person’s key phrases or sentences, so you can reach a deeper understanding.
• While you are asking good questions, you should also be prepared to answer ques-
“It is better to tions responsively.
have no con- • Practice these skills. Usually, asking effective questions doesn’t come naturally.
versation at all
than one that is
guaranteed to go Developing Key Skills
badly.” You can develop the skill of asking better questions. You can learn to be more assertive,
creative, and persuasive so you can conduct better interviews and meetings. To be more

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effectively assertive, you need to stand up for your own rights, while recognizing and
standing up for the rights of the other person. Enter interactions with an attitude of
mutual respect. Use questioning and listening to achieve mutual goals.
Encourage creativity, both in yourself and others. Use your questions to promote more
useful ideas. For example, use “how” questions creatively by focusing on the end action
and encouraging people to explore alternatives. For example, you could ask, “What are
all the possible actions we could take?”
“Effective conver- To be more persuasive, adopt a positive, enthusiastic approach. Emphasize the positive
sations last longer
than ineffective in your conversation. Have your goals and agenda planned in advance, but remain flex-
ones.” ible enough to keep an open mind. Be ready to change your initial mindset or objective
if necessary.
These conversational skills will help you when you conduct meetings or hold interviews.
In leading a meeting, start with an agenda, but don’t try to exercise too much control or
do too much talking yourself. Instead, encourage others to talk. Listen to them carefully.
Similarly, when you are interviewing someone, follow the 80/20 rule. This means you
“Unless we can
should speak twenty percent of the time and listen eighty percent of the time. Use good
listen actively and questions to get the other person to talk. Use your knowledge of structure to control the
effectively, all our interview. Construct “what” and “why” questions to get information from the person
good questions
you are interviewing.
will be ineffective,
and so will the
relationship!”
Apply these skills in your key working relationships, with your boss, subordinates, and
clients. Promote discovery in your questions and then actively listen to their responses.
By asking good questions, you do a better job of finding out what they want. Then you
can achieve your mutual objectives in an atmosphere of clear understanding and commu-
nication

About The Author

Rupert Eales-White is a management consultant with PA Consulting’s Sundridge Park
Executive Development Centre in the United Kingdom. He is the author of several books
including Creating Growth from Change: How to React, Develop, and Grow. He focuses
on helping managers and executives develop better leadership, strategic thinking, team-
work, and change management skills.

Buzz-Words
Action-planning queens / Active listening / Closed alternatives / Closed questions / Dis-
covery kings / Effective conversations / Eighty-twenty rule / Loaded questions / Non-
verbal signals / Open-ended questions / Positive body language / The right questions

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