CNEI Journal Submission- 2

By: Sakshi Padwal

Roll no. 2016232

CNEI as a subject was an exposure to introspection. It not only made me aware of the techniques
prevalent to conduct counseling but also helped in making an informed decision towards my
relationships with my peers. The skills suggested that I became more self-aware of my thoughts and
ideas, which further gave me the confidence to maintain the relationships in my future workplace.
Without knowing my own self, it would have been difficult to accept people and their problems,
around me. The various skills helped me in building stronger relationships with my peers, the small
changes in my attitude has made my thoughts open such that I can accept the way people are with
ease and comfort. Truly, CNEI is a subject that I would like to dwell on in the future as well.

Contents
Session 7 and 8......................................................................................................................................1
Session 9 and 10....................................................................................................................................2
Session 11..............................................................................................................................................2
Session 12..............................................................................................................................................3
Session 13..............................................................................................................................................4
Session 14..............................................................................................................................................5
Session 15 and 16..................................................................................................................................6

Session 7 and 8
“People don’t always need an advice, sometimes they need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen and a
heart to understand them.”

- Pete

Today’s class was a way to take the basic counselling skills ahead. The class began with the
importance of identifying the key messages. The ways to do so lied in the questions- main points in
the conversation, experiences and actions of utmost importance, themes coming through, client’s
point of view, client’s proposition to do something, etc. While I went through these parameters in
the key message, I tried to link it to my practise of considering the ‘Three Whys.’ It’s very essential to
understand the implicit as well as the explicit motive in a conversation with the client. While the key
message identification parameters helped in understanding either of the motives, my technique of
‘Three Whys,’ helped me connect the same internally. Each ‘Why’ posed to the parameter can then
be used to bring in more clarity to the theme of discussion.

Amidst everything, the concept that struck me the most was that of small rewards. While
active listening in terms of being receptive and reactive is important, the small rewards too play a

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major role. During my summer internship at Wipro, there were a lot of issues going around me,
related to office politics. I had no idea on whom to share my issues with. One day, I happen to meet
a senior colleague in the refreshments area. She generally asked me how my project was going and I
replied back to her with simple general answers. She started asking me more open ended questions.
With everything I shared, she nodded to it and responded actively. Within no time, I was attached to
her and I shared everything I could pertaining to the situations around me. Finally, she consoled me
saying that this was the part and parcel of the journey and that I had to fight it alone. Neither did I
expect any advice nor and suggestion, however I just wanted a person who could help me open my
heart out. She rightly did it and what helped her the most in making the conversation comfortable
enough was her constant rewarding nature. Indeed, sometimes those are the small rewards that
bind the conversation from inception to conclusion, in an effective way.

CNEI as a subject exposed me to the habit of practising active listening. As part of the same, I
responded well to the peers around and got enough insights on their thought processes. This
concept of small rewards has strengthened the momentum of active listening. Connecting the
effectiveness of the above incident (small rewards) with the concept of active listening, I have now
able to have longer conversations with my peer. The very gesture of nodding or repeating their last
words has started giving them confidence in me, leading up to opening of more incidents from their
lives, which they otherwise wouldn’t have talked about.

Thus, today’s session was majorly on the basic counselling skills used in barefoot counselling.
While, as a counsellor, it is expected that we facilitate the conversation, this class clearly
distinguished between advising and enabling techniques by the counsellor. Thus, small rewards are
not a way to advice the client, but a way to enable them to speak more about their experiences. The
‘Whys’ techniques then is a way to dwell into one of the important aspects brought into concern by
the client.

Session 9 and 10
“Our emotional selves are children. And they never grow up. We just learn how to parent our
emotional selves better.”

- Teal Scott

Session 9 was a continuation of the skills practised in the prior session. The basic stage 1
skills of Paraphrasing, Reflecting and Summarising were the cues one could give while responding.
The use of each skill had its own unique impact to the way the conversation moved ahead. While the
skills kept the conversation going, they even made sure that the right touch point was considered
while getting more from the client’s end.

Amidst this session, the concept that struck me the most was that of reflecting. While
paraphrasing and summarising largely are fact based and passive in nature, reflection is active and
involves a personal discretion. The emotional word used to encompass the client’s feelings in one
expression involved a lot of personal opinion. The degree of the emotion attached with the client’s
story too varied. Thus, while practising reflection, it was really important for me to keep my biases
aside and take the client’s story on a clean slate. While I practised the idea of scribbling down my
thoughts to become more self-aware, I came across my attitude of overrating others’ problems. I
generally tend to over empathise when other people are made fun of or laughed at. In many of the

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cases, such people don’t really care of the way they get treated or even take it sportingly, however I
do feel sad seeing them in such a situation. Reflection is that one skill where one should not over
empathise with someone that they end up suggesting a higher degree of emotion for the client’s
story. The connect of the right expression with the appropriate degree of emotion is what reflection
looks at.

To practise reflection, I tried listening to the friends’ stories and reflected upon them. While
they felt my behaviour to be odd, they still liked it. One of them came up to me the next day and
told me how he was worried about the workplace he was to join and other such things. Truly,
reflection helps one in making the conversation healthier. The expression used in reflection helps to
show the client that the counsellor understands his feelings and that he can lay conviction in the
counsellor, in the conversations ahead.

This session truly was a re analysis of self-awareness. It basically suggested that one must
not over burden the thoughts with others’ stories, but keep each conversation simple and easy
enough to reflect upon, paraphrase at each stage and summarise at each turning point.

Session 11
“Knowing how to question will help you in your life.”

- Warren Berger

This session was a step ahead of the basic counselling skills moving towards riskier
counselling skills. While moving towards the same, we learnt the basics of stage 2- The stage of
clarifying and problem solving. While being alert and active in the conversations is important for a
counsellor, it is even important that the counsellor empathises with the client to minimise the risk of
clients’ feelings being inappropriately judged. Today’s class therefore was a way to problem solving
by restricting to the norms of counselling.

As the class moved ahead, we were given a small exercise. The exercise expected us to use
questions to explore and clarify issues. Me and my partner took up the roles of a listener and a teller
and reversed it later. While I spoke about my tenure at GIM and the way I would feel on leaving
college, my partner reflected on it. That was the point when I felt all the more connected with her.
She then asked me about specific incidents that made me feel so, being comfortable enough, I
narrated her all my memorable moments. Though this was a class exercise, towards the end of it I
felt happy and elated. When I became the listener, she told me the story of her health. With
reference to all the habits that I practised previously, I controlled my emotions and over empathising
and tried rightly to reflect to her feeling of being stressed about her health. I then asked her if she
had any plans of maintaining her diet plans in the days to come. She, happily started telling me
about what all she’s been doing and the way she has planned her schedule. This was the time that I
realised that one doesn’t need an advice but needs a facilitation to the way they come up with their
solutions.

Thus, in every conversation that I make, I would try my best to be an active listener, who not
only observes the respondent but also attends to consciously. I’d try my best to question and reflect
as and when required. This can then help me with better conversations and insights to work on.

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 Today’s session was mainly on questioning skills. It in indeed the effect of these questions
that paves a path to bring the right pain point in the conversation and enables the use of riskier
skills, to solve the same.

Session 12
“We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.”

- Pete

Today’s session was more concentrated towards the use of riskier skills. The riskier skills are
majorly used to keep the theme in line of the conversation. The skills used prevent avoidance of a
topic of discussion, avoid prevention of speaking on a discrete subject, clarify the thoughts, resolve
the discrepancies, etc. Each skill had a use of its own and no skill could replace another one for the
same results. Hence to get an effective outcome, the usage of a particular skill from that of
redirecting, confronting and challenging is expected to be used.

The concept that struck me the most was that of Confrontation skill. After coming to GIM, I
have seen a lot of peers changing due to pressures around. To be someone who you are not leads to
gaps and discrepancies of various kinds. One of my peers was nearly a diabetic but she loved eating
sweets. She would tell me how yummy the food was to how tasty the chocolates were, without
acknowledging her physical conditions. Prior to learning confrontation, I would react to her
suggesting that she was not supposed to eat it. With the way my reactions were, she would perceive
me negatively as someone keeping her away from something that she really liked. This did create a
friction between us.

However, after learning the confrontation skill, I decided to use it on her. After the class, I
approached her and she started telling me of the new chocolate that she had tasted. I replied to her
saying that I knew what it meant to her to eat sweets and try different chocolates. Once the support
was established, I brought into consideration the main issue. I asked her about her next medical
check up and what the doctors had told her the previous time. She, felt sad after listening to this, but
then accepted that it was wrong on her part to ignore the physical condition. Post that incident, to
my belief she has limited her consumption of sweets and chocolates.

Today’s session thus taught me to control my reactions. Though the message stayed the
same, the way it was projected changed. In situations which are critical and need the use of riskier
skills, it is important that issue is handled with sensitivity and utmost care.

Session 13
“If we confront or challenge someone, we should have one goal in mind, restoration and not
embarrassment.”

- Chuck Swindoll

Did you feel that he/ she responded with empathy to the situation(s) you presented?

Yes. I presented to my partner a situation where I was diabetic and that I still ended up consuming
sweets. This thought by me had a serious negative outcome. Hence, it was required to be dealt with
care and love. She reverted to me with the use of the confrontation skill. She supported the
argument and then brought the topic of diabetes. As in the last session when I used the same

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technique with another friend of mine, I wanted to understand how others would look at a situation
like this.

What was your overall assessment of this person’s skill? (0- 10)

My assessment was 9. My partner considered the sensitivity of the topic and used the right skill.
Sometimes, using the skill is the problem and no empathising, she took no time to judge what skill to
use. The only place I feel she could have done better was while asking me about the current
situation of diabetes. She asked me everything from the past, but nothing about my plans ahead or
so.

What did she/ he do well w.r.t the task assigned?

She chose the right skill to solve the problem. She then made sure to use the right frame to being
the support with. Her confrontation technique had a right mixture of the supportive statement and
the problem statement. She kept question open ended while asking me how my past has been with
diabetes.

What could he/ she have done better?

She could have done better in considering my current situation. She focussed on my habits and the
way diabetes had increased. She failed to ask me if I have any plans of my own to curb diabetes. I
then didn’t talk about anything pertaining to improving my fitness or health in the future.

What skills should he/ she work to improve?

While I narrated the incidents to her, she actively listened to them. She even gave me small rewards
while responding to my story. However, what she can improve at is her body language. She
constantly fiddled with her phone and failed to lean in front while listening to me. Since she was my
classmate, I could tell her to stop fidgeting with her phone. This being an involuntary action, comes
to her naturally. Hence, she can work on the same to be an effective counsellor.

Session 14
“If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. Once you know what works, do more of it. If not working, do
something else.”

- Shazer and Berg

Today’s session was about the Solution Focussed Approach to Counselling. To give a solution
to the problem, it is important to understand the problem in depth. This approach begins with
problem exploration. In this stage, the problem is either split into a Choice problem or a Change
problem, depending upon the client’s narrative. Change problems involve a history dealing with the
way the client functions, to further try doing something new. Choice problem on the other hand
involves making a decision. The next stage was that of Goal Setting. Series of questions that talk of
possibilities of doing something new, something different, unusual, etc are talked about to decipher
a goal to deal with. The goals formed can then be like- Improving my appearance, getting fit, etc.
Selecting the strategies in solving the problem is the next stage. These strategies can then be divided
as per the ones for choice or change problems.

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 The concept that struck me the most was that of the solution strategy for Change Problem.
Change problem by its inherent nature is a problem that the client has to resolve by himself. If the
client feels that he can’t quit smoking, then he himself has to make up a mind to quit smoking. The
solution strategy then involves systematic self-monitoring or self-observation, enabling the client to
become more aware of his thoughts, feelings and actions. The interventions to such a strategy act as
a way of reminder, motivator and progress checker. One of the methods of the systematic self-
monitoring strategy was that of Stimulus, response and consequences logs. As part of this log, the
client has to add entries to three tabs- Stimulus (What happened), Response (How I acted) and
Consequences (What resulted). This can help the client is becoming self-aware. The very fact that
one knows his behavioural instinct and jots it down, suggests the accountability he takes to work on
it. Hence, I liked this form of method the most.

To understand the effectiveness of this method, I myself tried to make a note of my

behaviour. It becomes very difficult for me to handle opposite opinions by people on things that I
know in depth of. I have worked with different departments as being in the Placement Team, hence
do I know the way to handle the same. However, when I have people teaching me my work and are
not remotely associated with the teams I have functioned with, I can’t take it. To curb the same, I
practised the Stimulus, Response, Consequence Approach. Every time that I was angry, I noted it
down, the response and the consequence. After the 3 rd entry, I realised that people were perceiving
me in a wrong way. Hence, I decided to let people have their own opinions till the time it didn’t
come my way. Thus, ignoring them and accepting the way they were I moved on.

Through this session, a lot of other ways of dealing with the change problem are brought
into highlight. Though time consuming, these activities make one self-aware of their actions and
reciprocations, thereby improving their lives and thought processes.

Session 15 and 16
“Where you stand determines what you see and what you do not see and what you don’t see.”

- Shazer

Session 15 and 16 were a conclusion to the skills practised. The next step in the process was
about the implementation of the strategies. The strategy could then be as basic as saying a hi to
sitting next to a new colleague at lunch. The idea then is to resolve the problem in the most effective
way.

The concept that struck me the most was that of the decision making process. In a choice
problem, it is important that all the choices are well evaluated to consider the possible outcomes.
The structured approach to problem solving then makes the evaluation of the success worth it.
Scaling the success measures can let the counsellor know the frame of mind of the client and
evaluate it accordingly.

It is rightly said that one must manage the termination well than the inception. It’s the
recency effect which marks the well-being of the relationship and the management of the emotions.
To manage the same, the counsellor must use techniques like summarizing, appropriate questioning,
etc. The well planning of the closing sessions can lead to management of doorknob disclosures and
give the client enough space to end the counselling cycle.

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 To top it all, irrespective of what session it is, a counsellor must create an environment of
compassion and solve the potential issues at the earliest, such that these issues are not talked of in
the closing of the sessions. All these things are then possible when the counsellor is self-aware and
curious towards his practises. Thus, each step by the counsellor marks the beginning of the pathway
for the client.

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