'Tiger Mother' strikes a defensive nerve

Updated: 2011-02-04 11:34

By Kelly Chung Dawson (China Daily USA)

Amy Chua (center) with her daughters Lulu (left) and Sophia Chua-
Rubenfeld at her home in New Haven, Connecticut, the United States,
on Dec 20. [Lorenzo Ciniglio/Polaris]
NEW YORK - Some American parenting experts have reacted defensively to Yale law professor Amy Chua's ideas of strict Chinese parenting,

while others say her views have struck a nerve.

Chua, who made the cover of Time magazine, provoked heated discussion when she argued in her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, that

strict parenting would better prepare children for harsh future competition.

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it,"Chua wrote.

"To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences."

Inevitably, responses from American audiences have been intensely defensive.

Some experts denounced Chua for her cruelty, and pointed to high suicide rates among Asian American women between the ages of 15 and 24.

One article, "Parents like Amy Chua are the reason Asian Americans like me are in therapy", labeled Chua as "a narrow-minded, joyless bigot".

Others drew larger parallels about China's tendency to excel in technical areas while floundering in areas requiring creativity and innovation.

"Her invocation of what she describes as traditional 'Chinese parenting' has hit hard at a national sore spot: Our fears about losing ground to

China and other rising powers and about adequately preparing our children to survive in the global economy," wrote Annie Murphy Paul in Time.
Excerpts of the book were first published by The Wall Street Journal, with hundreds of responses posted on the Internet and disseminated by

various media outlets.

In the excerpt, Chua describes a heavy-handed parenting style that "would seem unimaginable - even legally actionable - to Westerners".

Her list of banned activities is long: No sleepovers, no TV, no sports, no play dates. But what seemed to provoke readers most was her

recollection of an incident, in which she stood screaming over her 7-year-old daughter Lulu, denying her food or rest until she could demonstrate

mastery of a French piano piece.

On another occasion, she echoed her own immigrant father, calling her daughter "garbage" in public.

Chua cited studies that reported 70 percent of Western mothers polled felt that "stressing academic success is not good for children". In

complete opposition, none of Chinese mothers polled agreed.

Implied but not overtly stated was the larger conclusion that America's seeming slide from global eminence is the result of such relaxed, ego-

coddling parenting techniques.

However, there were dozens of responses reflecting the very personal, individual nerves that Chua had struck among various cross-sections of

American society.

"Parenting is so personal," Robyn Silverman, a child development specialist who has appeared on Good Morning America and Nightline, told

China Daily.

"When you hear such a strong and opposing opinion, your attention tends to turn toward your own parenting, and makes you question, am I

doing this right?

"Maybe this person is doing something better than I am. The way the article was written, made it sound like she was saying that her Chinese

work ethic would make her children excel beyond anyone else's."

Bourree Lam, raised in Hong Kong and Canada by Chinese immigrants, pointed to the twist Chua presented on the traditional image of Chinese

"Tiger Mothers" being uneducated and of low socioeconomic background.

Chua has consciously chosen to take the Eastern parenting path. And her daughters are seemingly well-adjusted - Sophia, her older daughter,

also a piano player, recently debuted at Carnegie Hall.

In subsequent interviews, Chua appears to have softened her stance considerably. The excerpt was taken out of context, she said, and does

not include her later realization in the book that a more moderate approach was necessary to repair her relationship with Lulu.

Chua also argued that she was making fun of herself, and the piece was meant to be humorous. Even so, in an appearance on The Today

Show, she reiterated her disgust with Western parenting, listing "how much time Westerners allow their kids to waste, with hours on Facebook

and computer games, and in some ways, how poorly they prepare them for the future".

"It's a tough world out there."

Annie Messing, a mother of two raised in the US by a Chinese mother and an American father, said she saw shades of Chua's parenting in her

own mother.

"For people who don't understand the Chinese way of presenting the best, of saving face and pushing hard to be the absolute best you can be,

it's really hard to understand in just a few words," Messing said.

"My parents pushed my younger sister really hard with her piano, too, and sometimes she'll be reduced to tears, but she's gotten to where she's

gotten because they've pushed her so hard."

Susan Newman, a parenting expert and the author of The Book of No, believes Chua's book is in some ways a reaction to a pervasive American

"Culture of Yes".

"We don't know how to say 'no' to our children, we don't want them to be unhappy for a single second," Newman told China Daily.

"Chua takes a longer view on happiness. If they're successful, they will be happy. She's giving them the tools to be happy."

Silverman believes there is value in the Asian parenting style, but thinks it may squash individuality. "There's no room for abuse, ever, but what

Western parents do need to learn is that some children need a stronger push, and others need a lighter tough.

"Perhaps on the continuum of the Eastern-Western views, there's a need to meet in the middle."

Lam believes Chua is simply a master provocateur. After all,the uproar has propelled Chua's book into The New York Times Best-Seller's List

Top 5. "I think it got such heated reaction because it offended people in the right way," she said.

"It reinforces stereotypes, but also transforms them."

China Daily