HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

5 Ways to Love Your Spouse Better

By: Cassandra Soars

Long-term committed relationships can be challenging. In the midst of busy schedules and
crazy work lives and our kids’ school and sports, it can be all too easy to take your spouse
for granted. Or when he hurts you, it can be hard to recognize that there’s unresolved
bitterness blocking you from really showing that you love your spouse. When my husband
and I hit the two-year mark of our marriage, we realized we hadn’t been spending enough
time being intentional with one another. We weren’t getting much out of our relationship
because we weren’t putting much into it. This led us to build an app for couples
called iHeartUs to strengthen their relationships.

You don’t necessarily have to build an app to love your spouse better; in fact, sometimes all
it takes is some initiative. Here are 5 ways to love your husband better.

1. Take one action step each day.

If you know your spouse’s love languages, make a concerted effort to do one thing each
day to speak your spouse’s love language. If his love language is words of affirmation, slip
a note into his pocket before he leaves for work, or send him a text. Or just tell him one
thing you love about him before bed each night. Set a reminder on your phone each day at
the same time reminding you to do one practical thing to let him know you value him.

If you know your spouse’s love languages,

make a concerted effort to do one thing
each day to speak your spouse’s love
language.
Click To Tweet

2. Be mindful of your partner’s wants and feelings (not just me,

me, me).

In our society, it’s so easy to become self-absorbed. I realize it the minute I set foot in a
developing country how used to having what I want when I want it I am. And in those
situations where I’m serving those in need, it’s really good for me to learn more patience
and to intentionally focus on others. Ask yourself: What does he want? What does he need?
How can you help him? How can you see things a little more from his perspective?

3. Tell him what you need.

As women, it’s especially easy for us to become caretakers and give too much. Sometimes
we don’t even know what we need because we focus too much on taking care of everyone
else. Ask yourself what you need. What do you really need? Then be brave, and use your
voice.

4. Feel the feeling but do the right thing.

Don’t react out of emotion or anger. (Be the person you want to be in your relationship).
 5. Say thank you.

There are so many things we can say thank you for each day. Find one of them, and be
intentional. The difference between a great relationship and an okay one is so often just
intentionality.

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

10 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband

By: Susan Merrill

Do you remember the first days of your relationship with your spouse? If you were like me,
your heart would flutter at a meaningful glance, flirtatious comment, or in my case, the
handsomest guy I had ever met knocking on my door holding Belgian chocolate chip ice
cream and asking if he could pray with me! After years of marriage, kids, demanding jobs,
and hectic schedules, those fluttery feelings are distant memories. That doesn’t mean
we can’t be romantic; it just means in our distraction we put it down and we need to pick it
up where we left off.

One night as my husband, Mark, and I were driving home, I was feeling a little romantic.
He was driving which gave me total music control, so I decided to play him a Tony Bennett
song that we love. So crazy how one little switch on a playlist can change a boring car ride
into a fun (or funny if you could see us singing) and romantic sing along serenade.

I’ve come to realize that one of the best parts of being married is always having someone to
flirt with because at the end of the day, flirting is simply turning the ordinary moments into
extraordinary moments. Unfortunately, we can forget that in the middle of our busy,
distracted lives.

So here are 10 ways to flirt with your husband and make the ordinary moments in your life
together extraordinary. {Tweet This}

1. Play a love song in the car.

Nothing beats turning a boring car ride into a chance for romance! Even better, pair a sappy
song with an unexpected kiss at the next red light.

2. Text him when you’re in the same room.

Why wait until you’re apart to text him a little something sweet? This works especially well
when at a social gathering with lots of people around.  You know the kind where you are
huddled up with your friends and he is across the room with his friends. Here are 10 Texts
to Send Your Husband that he will love.

3. Wear his favorite outfit.

If you know he loves the way you look in that little black dress, then maybe it’s time to take
it out from the back of your closet, even if the occasion is simply to dress up for him.
Worried it doesn’t fit? Mark’s favorite outfit is no outfit! Try it, your husband may like it
too.
4. Ask him on a date.

Surprise your husband by asking him on a date! I am not particularly good at this one so
give me some date ideas in the comments below.  It would be appreciated!

5. Laugh at his cheesy jokes.

Laughing with your man is a great way to affirm him. That includes the joke you’ve heard a
million times. My kids tease Mark about this all the time, he makes the same one-
liners over and over. I just laugh anyway.

6. Write him a love note.

Never forget that this is the most classic way to show affection to your husband. Leave
little notes where he’s sure to find them, and know that you will brighten his day.

7. Cozy up next to him.

Instead of staying on your side of the bed tonight, cuddle up beside your man. Every night!

8. Dance around the kitchen.

Leave the dirty dishes in the sink and pull him in close for a spontaneous slow dance. Here
is where that Tony Bennett playlist is handy again.

9. Whisper something sweet.

Instead of the same old conversation after a long day of work, lean over and whisper
something sweet (or saucy!) into his ear. Be prepared to follow up with the favorite no
outfit.

10. Kiss him.

The most obvious way to flirt with your husband? KISS HIM ALREADY! iMOM has a 14
Day Kiss Your Husband Challenge that can help!
 Of course, there are many more ways to flirt with your man, but this is a good start! Flirting
can rekindle the spark in your relationship and remind you both of the things you first loved
about each other.

Do you still flirt with your husband? Share your favorite flirtation tips in the
comments below!

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

5 Habits of Happily Married Couples

By: Cassandra Soars

Research shows in order to have a happy marriage, you must do 5 nice things for every
negative one. 5 to 1! This morning my husband and I had a negative interaction. Because he
didn’t sleep well, he was tired and stressed, and I didn’t respond well to his grouchiness.
We didn’t argue; we just didn’t have a positive experience with one another. This simple
negative interaction is probably a common occurrence for many couples.
I had no idea that it would take us both being intentional to make sure we had 5 positive
interactions to make up for this 1 negative one. Healthy habits are a powerful tool in a
relationship. Want to be happily married for a long time? Try making these 5 things a habit.

1. Make small gestures often.

I can’t tell you how many times my husband and I just get busy and forget to do nice things
for one another. Make an effort, even if it’s small, to be nice to your spouse. {Tweet This}
You’ll be amazed at the huge difference these little things make. And once they become a
habit, you will continually reap the rewards for these small gestures of affection.

2. Consistently encourage.

It’s amazing how much it affects me when my husband encourages me. When he
compliments me on something, I feel loved and seen by him and valued. It helps me value
him in return, and reminds me to encourage him, which turns into a positive cycle for us.

3. Kiss and touch.

In all the busyness of life, it can be easy to forget to show physical affection or touch to
your partner. It’s easy for us to walk out the door in the morning without even saying
goodbye to each other because we’ve already started doing our separate routines. But it
doesn’t take much for me to intentionally kiss my husband before we go our separate ways.
Or for him to greet me affectionately at the end of the day. We could easily make this
a positive habit that will strengthen our relationship.

4. Express gratitude.

My husband cleaned the house the other day, and I made sure to thank him and tell him
how much I appreciated it. Taking the time to express gratitude for the little things will
build a much stronger connection.

5. Talk often.
 Couples in strong relationships want to share everything with each other. They enjoy telling
their partner about their day, what’s going on in their heart and other relationships, etc. and
they equally enjoy listening to their spouse share. Use our Q & U app to ask even more
questions to your spouse.

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

15 Reasons My Marriage Has Lasted 15

Years
By: Teri Claassen

Fifteen years is a long time to be married. When I think about the roller coaster of highs
and lows my husband and I have shared, I see all the great times that led to deeper
connection and all the struggles that led to growth and to our lasting marriage.

Marriage is not easy and it is not a fairy tale as many would like to think. But it is an
experience that will bring you joy, pain, growth, and teach you more than you can imagine.
As a therapist, I’ve worked hard to practice what I preach.  These 15 values have been the
foundation of why my husband and I have a healthy marriage and have persevered through
all the hard times:

#1 We serve each other

Part of marriage is sacrifice. It can’t always be about you. Serving each other helps your
spouse feel valued, loved, and important.

#2 We forgive

No one is perfect. If you choose to love someone, then you must be willing to forgive. Here
are some ways to forgive even when it’s hard.

#3 We dropped fairy tale expectations

The little girl dream of living happily ever after had to be let go of. I had to set realistic
expectations that part of marriage is accepting the awesome times and the difficult ones.

#4 We share our faith

Our faith is the foundation of who we are and what we do as individuals, so having it at the
center of our marriage gives us common perspective, goals, and connection.

#5 We are on the same team and cheer each other on

Teamwork is vital for a healthy unified partnership and everyone needs some affirmation
and encouragement along the way.

#6 We love deep conversation

 These moments are precious to us. We get vulnerable
and share what we really think and feel. We have the safety to be totally open and get to an
emotionally intimate place together. These are the times we really “know” each other the
most. Here’s some conversation starters to get things going!

#7 We empathize

As a married couple, it is important to ‘feel’ together. When one of you is going through a
hard time, you have to climb into the struggle with him. Doing this helps him feel like he’s
not alone in the struggle and that his feelings are understood and validated.

#8 We say thank you

Everyone needs to feel appreciated! If you need some help on this one, here’s 99 reasons to
be thankful for your husband.

#9 We ask for honest feedback and give it

Doing this gives us a place to share things on our hearts about an issue that needs to change
and also affirm areas that have improved.

#10 We have fun

Sharing life together should include having fun and laughing together. Here’s a few fun
date night ideas.

#11 We respect each other

This is a must for a healthy relationship. We share often how proud we are of each other
and what God is doing in our lives.

#12 We allowed the hard times to make us grow

Many struggle thinking about hard times like this, but it is important to see that our difficult
moments are an opportunity for us to sort through issues and make changes. Many life
lessons are learned in the middle of hard times {Tweet This}.

#13 We don’t sweep things under the rug

Resentment is a wall that divides relationships. When you let things build up over time, it
becomes toxic to your relationship.

#14 We share our needs and expectations

We can’t read minds so it is important to be open and honest with each other about what we
need.

#15 We pray for each other

Life is full of challenges. A way to support each other through the hard times is to spend
time praying for God’s strength to help make it through.

I am so thankful for how far our marriage has come these 15 years, and look forward to the
years ahead.

Do you need to work on any of these areas in your marriage?

Please share your thoughts and comments: 0 Comments

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

The 8 Secrets to Lasting Love

From the Book, Lucky In Love by Catherine Johnson:

1. Happy couples felt at home with each other from the start. Most of the couples felt a
rapport almost immediately.  Sometimes it was shared values, physical attraction, or
emotional connection.  The rapport includes a delicate balance of friendship, which is based
in sameness, and passion, which is based in difference.
 2. Happy couples share routines and dreams. Routines in and of themselves do not
produce happiness, but they instill confidence and trust in the natural existence of the
marriage.  Working together to make a dream come true makes a couple glow.

3. Happy couples don’t hold a grudge.  When a conflict arises, they become angry, storm
about–and then move on.

4. Happy couples look for the best. Couples thrive when spouses focus on what is good
and true in the other. Positive expectations exert a tremendous force.

5. Happy couples learn to change. Most couples said they had changed a great deal
throughout their marriages.  A surprisingly large number of the very happy couples had
experienced a crisis in their relationship.  The marriages survived – and
flourished – because one or both partners changed whatever it was about himself or herself
that was causing conflict in the relationship.

6. Happy couples understand the importance of sex. There is often a strong and vibrant
sexuality.

7. Happy couples do not struggle for the upper hand. Regardless of the contributions
made, the efforts of each were viewed as equally important within the household.  Without
exception, every happy couple reported that the money was theirs not his or hers.

8. Happy couples usually describe their mate as their best friend. These husbands and
wives simply liked each other above all others.

Please share yo

SEX & INTIMACY

How to Make Your Husband Feel Like a Man

By: Dana Hall McCain

You know that feeling you get when you get dressed in something decidedly feminine and
you can feel your husband’s eyes do a double take? When he responds to your femininity
by treating you like someone really special—way more special than all the other women in
the world? It can get the butterflies fluttering again! Your husband gets the same charge out
of having you recognize and appreciate his masculinity, notice his sex appeal, and tell him
about it. You’ll both be winners if you learn how to make your husband feel like a man!

In this post-women’s lib world, we sometimes forget the value of playing up what makes us
different. Sure, we ladies can run the boardroom and the carpool with equal aplomb, but
only your man has strong, broad shoulders to put your head on and melts you when he
walks through the house in the morning in a sharp suit and smelling all aftershave-y. Or
maybe it’s the way he looks with a little five o’clock shadow and his rugged, outdoorsy
clothes on. All those things that made you want him in the beginning are still there,
girl! Here’s how to celebrate your manly-man and make your marriage even better.

1. Contrast is everything.

One way to make your husband feel like a man is to act like a woman. {Tweet This} It’s
easy in the grind of everyday life to go for the jeans and sweats a lot. But when you make
the effort to play up your femininity, it brings back into focus for both of you that you’re
very much a woman and he’s very much a man. So even in your casual attire, look for
things that flatter your shape and remind him that you’re not just one of the guys.

2. Recognize his physical strength.

We know that not every guy is a jock or a powerlifter. But even the average fellow is a little
stronger than the average woman. When you need his help to move the sofa, tell him how
nice it is to have someone strong around the house. If you’re feeling extra flirty, give those
biceps of his a squeeze and throw in a wink. He may roll his eyes, but he’ll love it.

3. Let him lead.

Men are hardwired to want to lead and protect. So get out of your husband’s way
sometimes and let him do it! Ask him about things you don’t understand as well as he does
—it could be something as benign as football or as important as financial planning—and
really listen. (And yes, we understand that there are some things you’re the expert on. But
that’s not the point.) Thank him for the knowledge and the skills he brings to the table in
your family.

4. When he looks good, tell him!

Most of us have a favorite “look” for our husband. It might be his sharpest suit or that
rugged look he gets after working hard or playing hard outdoors. Whatever it is that turns
your head, let him know you love it.

5. Flirt.
 It’s as simple as that, girls. We hear from our men friends all the time that they want their
wives to desire them physically and sexually. We tend to be pretty good at communicating
that we’re attracted when we’re dating or newly married—and then we forget how to flirt!
It’s the playful touching, the hug that lingers just a bit longer than necessary, the wink. Get
a little touchy under the table at dinner or at the movies. Snuggle up close on the sofa.
Nothing in the world will make your husband feel more like a man than knowing that you
still want him. Period. Check out these 41 Ways to Romance Your Husband for some
inspiration!

6. Teach your kids to admire him.

Point out to your children that Daddy has traits that you really appreciate and they should
too! Celebrate his masculinity in their presence, brag on his strength, talk about how he
makes you feel safe and protected. He will love it and the kids will too.

Want to hear more tips from a man’s point of view? Check out Dr. Greg Smalley’s How to
Treat Your Husband Like a Man: 10 Ways.

© 2014 iMOM. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute
with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

25 Characteristics of a Wife Who Truly

Loves Her Husband
By: Susan Merrill
Until a year ago, my husband, Mark, lived in a “forever young” bubble. He looks great,
works out regularly, and never gets sick. Another Saturday moving day came (a regular
occurrence with 5 young adults in our family) because my daughter was moving into a new
apartment. In the rush to get it done, only one son was available and my undaunted husband
figured that was enough. The apartment was on the second floor. It is unclear which piece
of furniture did the damage but by 7:00 that night he couldn’t walk. The lasting back pain
continues to impact his patience levels. My girls were home during the holidays and
noticed the change in him. What ensued was a discussion about marriage. When we vow to
love in sickness and in health we vow to intimately walk in understanding and compassion
with our husband.

Mark overestimated the strength of his back. Yet, if I fail to love him through his pain then
I have overestimated the strength of my love for him. We all are susceptible to
overestimating, whether it is our physical strength or the strength of our love and
commitment to marriage. The remedy is to work out. If you want to be physically strong,
you have to build muscle. If you want your marriage to be strong, you have to build up the
characteristics of a wife who truly loves her husband. These are 25 characteristics of a wife
who truly loves that came to my mind. Feel free to add more in the comments for the
mutual benefit of us who desire to love well!
1. Manages emotions in the home and anticipates pressure points.

2. Encourages relationships between her husband and children.

3. Is faithful to him emotionally in her heart and physically with her body.

4. Uses kind words and guards her tongue.

5. Will continually love through sickness and in health.

6. Always loves for richer and for poorer.

7. Loves for better and for worse.

8. Loves God first, and husband, as the closest neighbor, second.

9. Shows respect and understanding.

10. Strives for likemindedness in financial decisions.

11. Always strives for likemindedness in parenting decisions.

12. Strives for likemindedness in extended family relationships.

13. Aims for likemindedness in career moves.

14. Strives for likemindedness in household responsibilities.

15. Sacrifices for marriage when necessary.

16. Shares vision for the future.

17. Forgives injustices readily.

18. Fights pride, resentment, and bitterness.

19. Never keeps secrets.

20. Sees husband as number one confidant.

21. Follows through with commitments she has made to him.

22. Patiently, confidently weathers difficult seasons in life with him.

23. Frequently tells him that she loves him.

24. Praises him and prays with him, daily.

25. Thanks God for His provision of the man she chose to marry.
 For 25 characteristics of a husband who truly loves his wife, see this article on our All Pro
Dad site.

What is one characteristic you would add to the list?

When we vow to love in sickness and in health

we vow to intimately walk in understanding and
compassion with our spouse.

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

5 Ways to Make Your Marriage Exciting

Again
By: Cassandra Soars
When my husband and I were first dating, we had no problem making time for one another.
We spent hours on the phone every evening, and it didn’t matter if we woke up tired the
next day. But something happened when things became familiar. Maybe you’ve heard or
even believe that all couples go through the newly-in-love stage only to eventually settle
down into a comfortable routine with one another in the best case, and a miserable fall-out-
of-love, in the worst case. Many people struggle with how to get the spark back in their
marriage. But what if it’s possible to keep your relationship exciting?

Here are 5 ways to make your marriage exciting again.

1. Talk about meaningful things.

Dr. John Gottman talks about the importance of having open-ended conversations. These
are the types of conversations you used to have when you were dating when you asked one
another about your hopes and dreams. Talk about the things that are most important to you.

2. Go on a vacation together or take an entire day getaway

together.

Sometimes it’s a fresh place that gives us a new perspective on our relationship and
reinvigorates the romance as we take time to be refreshed and get away from the daily grind
and everyday stresses.

3. Spend time apart cultivating your individual hobbies or

passions.

When you come back together, you’ll have new energy and excitement to share with your
partner. Doing something you love will infuse new joy into your life, new joy which you’ll
get to share with your partner.

4. Be intentional in hugging, kissing and cuddling.

Physical touch produces feel-good hormones, which will bring you closer together and
maybe even contribute to spicing up your romance.
 5. Don’t harbor anger or bitterness.

(Are you seeing your partner through a negative or critical lens because of built-up
resentments?) When we feel able to talk about the things that annoy, irritate or hurt us, we
can more easily let them go, which will help us feel genuinely closer to our
spouse. Becoming honest leads to a vulnerability which leads to greater intimacy.

Becoming honest leads to a vulnerability

which leads to greater intimacy.
Click To Tweet

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

Studies Show How Couples Stay In Love

By: Cassandra Soars
Rory was a pediatrician whom everyone loved. Though he was reserved, he was warm,
humorous and charming, but his wife, Lisa, hardly ever saw him. Rory didn’t know the
name of the family dog or even where the back door of their house was located, because he
was hardly home enough to ever use it. This is one of the couples that Dr. John Gottman
interviewed during his research on marriage.

With 91% accuracy, Dr. John Gottman can predict if a couple is going to divorce. Gottman
has been researching what makes marriage work since 1972. That’s longer than I’ve been
alive. He has found 7 principles that, if followed, guarantee you will stay in love and have a
thriving marriage.

1. Make your emotional love map stronger.

According to Gottman, an emotional love map describes the details you know about your
spouse’s inner and outer world, their dreams, the details of their day, what colleague is
annoying them at work, the most traumatic thing that’s happened to them, etc. And you
keep updating this as they grow and change. If you don’t really know someone, how can
you truly love them? 

2. Cultivate fondness and admiration for one another.

Fondness and admiration is the basis for a strong relationship. Sometimes the stresses of
life and marriage have gotten in the way of even being able to feel fondly toward one
another. Gottman suggests talking about the early days of your relationship and how you
met and fell in love to see if you can unearth those original feelings. My husband and I love
sharing the story of how we met in Africa even though we grew up three hours away from
each other in the same state. We always come away feeling a bit more in love after sharing
the story of how we fell in love.

Fondness and admiration is the basis for a

strong relationship.
 Click To Tweet

3. Turn toward one another instead of away.

When living with someone and sharing so much, it is easy to offend and hurt your spouse.
But when we make “repair” attempts to fix the something or even when nothing is wrong,
but just to be close, it’s essential that we accept the partner’s desire to be close. Turn
toward them instead of away.

4. Let your partner influence you.

How much do you let your partner influence you? How much does your partner let you
influence him? Learning to yield to one another and compromise is key. The other day my
husband and I were with a friend who was lending us their truck to move a piece of
furniture. I gave my husband a few pieces of practical input into the details and logistics of
the next few hours.  And my friend turned to me and said, “Wow, he actually listens to your
input.” Apparently, her husband didn’t listen to her.

5. Solve problems well.

Instead of focusing on the problems that have always been an issue between you, focus on
the solvable ones. You can do this by making sure you start the conversation softly instead
of harshly; know when you or your partner need to take a break if you’re overwhelmed by
the discussion, learn to compromise and become more accepting of each other’s weakness.

6. Honor each other’s desires and dreams.

Helping each other realize their dreams is one of the goals of marriage. Sometimes there’s a
dream at the root of conflict, and it’s not evident and needs to be unearthed and realized by
both parties. This will often help when working through a gridlocked problem. For
example, a gridlocked problem could be very different comfort levels with expressing
emotions. The dream or value in this for her is that it’s part of her identity and part of what
 gives meaning to her life. For him, he sees being emotional as weakness. They can be
flexible and honor each other by accepting their spouse cannot change a basic personality
trait.

7. Create shared meaning together.

What things do you agree on that form the core of your identity or purpose in life? Maybe
your spiritual faith is deeply important to you both. Maybe it’s serving the homeless or
elderly or maybe you work hard to create certain family traditions and moments that give
you shared meaning and purpose. Whatever it is, these things will strengthen your bond. 

Need more inspiration? Read this.

Readers, tell us: which one of these do you need most, and why?

Please share your thoughts and comments: 0 Comments

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

6 Things that Keep an Emotional Connection

in Marriage
By: Susan Merrill
It’s important to keep an emotional connection as a couple, and Mark and I have learned
some ways to make that happen. I say make  that happen because if you don’t put your mind
to staying connected to your husband, a thousand other things will get in the way of doing
it. Or, in my case, 5 children — even though I loved them —  had a habit of getting in the
way.

These 6 things will help you stay connected to your husband.

1. Be courteous and kind to each other.

Much of courtesy begins with the words we say to our husband. There’s a really fine line
between words that build up and words that don’t. There’s also the words we say
and how we say them. And, of course, remember the basics — please and thank you go a
long way.

2. Talk about issues before they get out of hand.

I’m the worst at this because I’m a camel that can handle a lot of straw, but there comes
that one piece that pushes me over my limit and then I’m a flood of “justified” anger.
That’s the wrong way to do things because at that point I am coming from a place of rage.
If I address things earlier, my frustration wouldn’t have grown to such a magnitude. Make
sure to address this by answering the right questions using our Q & U app.

3. Support each other.

This is super important. If you don’t support each other and learn about each other’s dreams
and aspirations then you will become disconnected. When you support each other and you
enter into each other’s world, you can become the cheerleader. We want our husband to
share his feelings with us, not with someone else.

If you don’t support each other and learn

about each other’s dreams and aspirations
then you will become disconnected.
Click To Tweet

4. Date regularly.
Create a bucket a list and when you check something off you’ll make your
connection with your husband stronger. No pressure here—they can be simple
things you do together that will bring you closer together!

5. Live in a “we” world.

Whenever I find myself saying “I, I, I,” I know that I’m in the wrong mindset.
I’m acting like I do everything, or I do everything alone, whether it’s raising the
kids or work. Instead, have a mentality of teamwork — these are our kids, our
home, our family. This is our life together and we have to go down the same
path.

6. Be physically intimate.
 It’s no surprise that this is important to most men — including Mark! I have
never heard anyone say, I wish I were less affectionate with my husband. Life is
short. We don’t want to say at the end of our life, I wish I had hugged my
husband more. I wish I had held my husband’s  hand more. With my heart issues
I often think, “Ok, this might be the last time…” So we need to drill down and
laser focus on what’s really important in life. It is loving well, and that’s what
staying connected to our husband is all about. 

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

7 Marriage Secrets of Successful Couples

By: Cassandra Soars

Most people know a couple who have a marriage to admire. My husband and I met a lovely
Dutch couple in Toronto at a conference almost seven years ago. Fedde and Ria have been
married for over 30 years, and they make marriage look easy and beautiful.
They were able to share some of their wisdom with me and my husband during a tough
season in our marriage, and they spent a significant amount of time helping us get to the
other side of our challenges. Want to know their secrets of a successful marriage? Here are
7 of them.

1. Successful couples are positive about each other.

They don’t speak negatively of their spouse to anyone, and they encourage one another
rather than criticize. {Tweet This}

2. Successful couples apologize as soon as possible and bounce

back from disagreements quickly.

One of my friends told me that his mentor taught him early on in marriage that the stronger
person apologizes first, even if they are only 1% wrong. This secret helps disarm the
conflict almost immediately.

3. They grow and try new things together.

It’s easy to grow apart if you’re not growing together. Learning something new together
will often bring new joys and new ways of connecting. Now that their four kids are grown,
Fedde and Ria have begun traveling and exploring new horizons together. 

4. Each person in a successful relationship takes care of

themselves.

They are proactive in dealing with their own emotional baggage, past hurt and anything that
would limit them from being a healthy person. They don’t let their stuff get in the
way. Before he retired, Fedde was a veterinarian surgeon, which often kept him up all hours
of the night helping farm animals deliver their young. When he had a physical burnout, Ria
took care of the demands of the family, and Fedde made sure he took time to fully recover
from the toll of his career, so he could also be healthy again and able to give to Ria and the
kids.
 5. Successful couples try to see things from each other’s point of
view.

They don’t become defensive, but they practice empathy. When Fedde and Ria don’t
understand the other’s point of view, they spend hours sitting together and gently
discussing the situations and their respective feelings in order to come to a place of
empathy. They actively show one another they care by trying to see things from the other’s
point of view.

6. They commit to forever.

They never threaten to leave because they don’t consider leaving an option. Opening the
door to divorce mentally has an immediate negative impact on a marriage. It weakens your
resolve to stay. Love is an act of the will, and resolve is essential.

7. They make each other a priority and don’t take each other for
granted.

They put in effort, and they never stop dating. This takes intentionality and effort, but it is
effort that produces great results in the relationship. Couples that do this will never be
lonely in their marriage.

What is one of your secrets of 

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

5 Powerful Ways to Make a Marriage

Healthy
By: Cassandra Soars
My husband and I have had the privilege of counseling couples in different seasons of their
relationships. We’ve done premarital counseling as well as counseled couples who have
been together a long time, some of whom had established some pretty unhealthy patterns.

As individuals, we are always learning and growing, and our relationships aren’t any
different. If two people are committed to growth, then no matter how unhealthy a marriage
is, there is hope. {Tweet This}

Want to know how to have a healthy relationship? Here are 5 powerful ways to make a
marriage healthy:

1. Retain separate identities.

Many couples falsely interpret “the two becoming one.” What this idea really means
is being in unity with another person and committed to their good as equally as you are to
your own. But balance is necessary because this concept can easily become skewed. I know
some older couples where this is especially true, and the woman has lost her own identity
because she thought she should. When friends of mine got married, their pastor officiating
the ceremony told them not to blow out their individual candles after lighting the unity
candle, because it’s crucial each partner retain and develop their separate identities. It’s
equally important that each partner takes responsibility and is willing to work on his/her
own issues.

2. Show empathy for your partner.

Empathy means that you listen for the sake of understanding your partner. Become
interested in how your spouse is feeling, and then validate how your spouse is feeling.
Don’t try to fix it. Empathy is putting aside your own desires for them and offering your
unconditional love and support.

3. Share your feelings.

If you feel that your partner has empathy for you and validates your feelings, it will be
easier to share your feelings. Often couples in unhealthy patterns stop opening up to one
another about their emotions and needs. Distance and lack of intimacy are the natural
results of not sharing. In a healthy marriage, you should feel safe to express any emotion.

4. Give each other freedom.

When you value the other person for who they are and encourage them to grow in their
individual identity apart from you, validate their feelings, and share your own, equality is a
natural result. You give each other freedom, and you feel freedom from your partner to
make your own choices and to grow. You don’t try to control one another through your
emotions or otherwise.

5. Have fun together.

Being childlike and making room in your life to play and share simple joys together is a
powerful tool to make a marriage healthy. We don’t have to take everything seriously, and
sometimes we just need to play together to find our connection restored. It’s not always
through hard work or striving that we will make our marriage stronger; play is so simple
that it’s something we all knew how to do naturally as children and that we did easily when
 we were first dating. Try setting aside time to do something playful together that you both
enjoy.

Here are some other ways to improve your marriage.

What are some other ways to make a marriage hea

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

10 Texts to Send Your Husband in the Next

10 Days
By: Mark W. Merrill

It’s really sad when reading your husband’s blog is what convicts you about what you need
to do in your own marriage! And that’s exactly what happened the other day. My husband
did a blog about texts wives could send their husbands. I don’t know if he was giving me a
subtle hint, but it worked—I got the message!
And he’s onto something with this texting idea. Our husbands could probably use a little
extra encouragement every day, and we could use a reminder to do nice things for them.
Thankfully, texting is a fast and easy way to show them we love them.

So here’s what my husband says would be 10 great texts husbands would like to receive.

I recently challenged husbands with 10 texts for husbands to send to their wives in the next
10 days. Today’s challenge is to the ladies.

1. Just wanted you to know that you are on my mind today. I’m your #1 fan and
cheering you on. Go get ‘em!

2. We have made some great memories together. Thinking of them and thankful for
you today.

3. I appreciate your hard work and tenacity even though I may not say it often enough.

4. If there were more men like you in this world, it would be a better place. Glad we
are on the same team in life.

5. If you feel really burdened today, remember that I want to help you. Let me know
how.

6. I’m looking forward to having some time alone with you soon. Let’s plan on
something!

7. You are really skilled at ___________. I’m honored to be married to you and I
believe in you.

8. If you asked me again today, even after all we’ve been through, I’d still say, “I do!”

9. I appreciate that you try to show me you love me in different ways. Thanks for
________ which I know means you love me.

10. The day’s been rough, the week’s been long, but I’m still so glad we’re in this
adventure together. I love you.

And tell me, what’s the best text you ever sent your husband?
 My husband, by the way, is Mark Merill, the president of Family First. His blog is
here. You can also check out 10 Texts to Send Your Kids or Grandkids in the Next 10
Days.

HAPPY MARRIAGE TIPS

41 Ways to Romance Your Husband

By: Nancy Jergins

Tags: valentines day

Is your husband an artist, a sports fan, or a tech guru? Is he a meat and potatoes man or a
carb-avoiding fitness- focused fellow? There are many types of husbands, and many varied
preferences when it comes to the kind of romance men like. So when you’re thinking of
romantic ideas for him, it helps to think about his particular likes and dislikes.
There are many types of husbands, with
varied preferences when it comes to the
kind of romance men like.
Click To Tweet

We can always use another good romantic idea. Here are 41 ways to romance your husband
you might not have thought of.

1. Hide a love note in his wallet.

2. Send a sweet text message for no reason at all.

3. Send a sexy text message for a very good reason.

4. Invite him on a date for a change.

5. Let him talk without interrupting.

6. Cook his favorite dinner.

7. Make sure his favorite clothes are clean and ready to wear.

8. Show interest in his work.

9. Watch the whole game with him.

10. Wear perfume.

11. Laugh at his jokes, even the bad ones.

12. Tell him he looks extra handsome.

13. Let him enjoy his hobby guilt-free.

14. Play songs you both loved when you were dating.

15. Praise him in front of the kids.

16. Praise him in front of his friends.

17. Kiss him when he walks in the door.

18. Kiss him when he walks out the door.

 19. Kiss him when he gets anywhere near the door.

20. Let the kids eat in front of the TV one night and have a nice, adults only dinner.

21. Let him make the call on parenting decisions without second guessing.

22. Bring him breakfast in bed.

23. Choose the pretty nightgown over the flannel PJ’s—even if it’s cold.

24. Choose your birthday suit over the pretty nightgown.

25. When you tell him you’ll do something, follow through.

26. Offer a massage.

27. Meet him at the door so that you can greet him before the children pile on.

28. Send a text with just one word… “When?”

29. Have supper going so the house smells great when he walks in.

30. Light a candle in the bedroom.

31. Buy him his favorite snack or beverage.

32. Fix up a travel mug of coffee just the way he likes it before he heads out the door.

33. Act like you’ve never heard his story before—even when you have.

34. Tell him how proud he makes you.

35. Hold his hand when he least expects it.

36. Sit on his lap.

37. Encourage him to do something with his friends.

38. Let him roughhouse with the kids without scolding.

39. Feel his muscles.

40. Wink at him.

41. Say, “Yes.”

Wondering what men think about romance? Find out here.

Want more ideas? Try out these 9 ideas for the best summer romance!

Then tell us, how do you romance your husband?

Please share your thoughts and comments: 23 Comments

Build Love Maps (este es de otra página web)

Zach Brittle, LMHC  //  March 11, 2015

You know that moment at a wedding when the DJ invites all the married people onto the
dance floor for a slow dance. Then he says something like, “If you’ve been married less
than 1 year, please leave the floor.” A few moments later, “If you’ve been married less than
3 years, please leave the floor.”

Then 5 years. Then 10. 15. 20. 30. 40. 50. Eventually there are just one or two couples left,
someone’s grandparents or even great-grandparents.

Then there’s just the one couple. Married 62 years or something. Their dance is creaky and
off-balance, but still, everyone applauds. We cheer and say something like, “Wow! That’s
unbelievable.”

Why do we do that? Why do are we impressed with these folks? What makes them special?
More importantly, what’s their secret? How did they manage to stay together so long?
Surely some of these long-term marriages are the result of endurance and stubbornness. But
I suspect most of them survive on the basis of a strong marital friendship.

The marital friendship is the foundation of Dr. Gottman’s Sound Relationship

House theory. It’s the thing that sustains a relationship. The couple married for 62 years
didn’t stay married because of the absence of conflict, or their enthusiastic sex life, or their
good luck. They stayed married because they liked each other. They knew each other.

This is the primary task of the new couple just starting out. Get to know your partner. I
promise you, there is, and always will be, more that you don’t know about your partner
than you do. Another way of saying this is you can always get to know your partner better.
Make it a priority over the lifetime of your relationship.

Dr. Gottman’s term for getting to know your partner’s world is called Build Love Maps.
Think of it this way: When you choose to spend your life with someone, you hand them a
map to your inner world. Your inner world is, of course, quite complex including the
memories of your past, the details of your present, your hopes for the future. It includes
your deepest fears and your grandest dreams. But the map you hand your partner is a pencil
sketch.
The task for new couples is to intentionally be adding details to that map. It needs scale,
direction, a legend. Over the course of a lifetime, you will be constantly adding landmarks,
texture, color. A detailed Love Map brings perspective to the twists and turns that
inevitably enter a marriage. It’s critical that you prioritize this effort early. Dr. Gottman
notes in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that “if you don’t start off with a
deep knowledge of each other, it’s easy for your marriage to lose its way when your lives
shift so suddenly and dramatically.”

Your lives will shift suddenly and dramatically. In fact it probably already has. As a first
step toward building Love Maps for your relationship, I’d encourage you to draw one of
your own about your life before this commitment. Think back through the twists and turns
in your story. Write them down. Or perhaps draw an actual map. What has the journey to
this point been like for you. Where were the smooth roads? Where were the steep climbs or
the dry deserts? My personal bias is that there is no substitute for knowing your own story
thoroughly and well. A trained therapist can help you with this, but so can the discipline of
journalling. It almost doesn’t matter how you get there, but it’s important that you don’t
expect your new partner to be the answer to all the questions you’ve been asking –
consciously or unconsciously – throughout your life. Indeed, the best way to ensure a
healthy marital friendship is to keep asking questions.

For new couples, The Gottman Institute has created a created a card deck called 52
Questions Before Marriage or Moving In. The goal of the deck is to give couples the
opportunity to explore areas that might not be top of mind when they’re in the early stages
of young love, or worse, the traumatic stages of wedding planning. Questions from the deck
include:

 In what ways do you operate well as a team? In what ways could you improve?
 How is this relationship different than those that have not worked out?
 What are your main strategies for coping with tough financial times?
 How will you decide who is responsible for which chores?

You might not even know the answers to these types of questions unless and until you have
been asked. Make question asking a habit. These open ended questions are important, but
even the detail oriented questions can lead to storytelling and discovery:

 Who was your best friend in childhood?

 What was your favorite vacation?
 What kind of books do you most like to read?
 Do you have a secret ambition? What is it?

Asking questions and telling stories adds detail to primitive pencil sketch map that you’ve
been handed. As you add detail to your maps you gain clarity about the journey that you’re
embarking on together. Early in a relationship it’s easy to lose sight of the longer journey
because now feels so good. Creating the discipline of getting to know each other should be
a top priority.
Go ahead and buy the 52 Questions deck. Or consider this or this or even this. Whatever
you do, commit to a strong marital friendship in the hopes that one day – maybe 62 years
from now – you’ll be that couple everyone is cheering for on the dance floor.