UNDERSTANDING THE SELF

PART 5: UNPACKING THE SELF: THE SEXUAL SELF

THE SEXUAL SELF

It refers to how one thinks about themself as a sexual individual. It speaks of your sexual
health, sexual orientation, gender identity, and expression and values around your sexuality.

Sex
Sex is biological. It is classified as male, female, or intersex where there are reproductive
differences based on genitalia, chromosomes, and hormones. It is a person’s identity based
on their physical characteristics, genes, and hormones.

Gender
It is a term that refers to social or cultural distinctions associated with a given sex. It is
generally considered to be a socially constructed concept.

Gender Identity
Gender identity is what is inside us; it’s how we feel about our own gender. We may have
been taught that male and female are the only gender identities. This is the ‘binary’ view of
gender. But actually, there are many different understandings of gender. If you don’t
identify exclusively with being a male or a female, and instead feel like you fit somewhere
between the two, you might identify with being ‘non-binary’. Many cultures have broader
ideas around gender than just ‘male’ or ‘female’, and have done so for a very long time.

How much do you feel like a man, a woman, or something else? This is your gender identity.
This is a spectrum, because you could feel a little like a man, a lot like a woman, and maybe
also a bit like something else. Or you could feel like none of these. That would make you
agender, meaning that you don’t feel any of these gender identities fit you. That’s okay, too!

Cisgender
It is used to describe a person whose gender identity and gender expression align with sex
assigned at birth.

Transgender
This is the umbrella term used to describe the full range of people whose gender identity
and/or gender role do not conform to what is typically associated with their sexassigned at
birth. This includes persons who do not feel they fit into a dichotomous sex structure
through which they are identified as male or female. Individuals in this category may feel as
if they are in the wrong gender, but this perception may or may not correlate with a desire
for surgical or hormonal reassignment.
• Transwoman - a person who was naturally born or physically assigned as male at
birth but feels that this is not an accurate and complete description of him and
identifies as female
• Transman - a person who was naturally born or physically assigned as female at
birth, but who feels that this is not an accurate or complete description of her and
consequently identifies as a male
Sex vs Gender
Our sex, which is physical – male or female – is distinct from our gender, which is
psychological and social. What this means is that some of us have a gender which is
different from our sex. We may be male physically, but identify or feel more comfortable
thinking of ourselves as a female.

Sexual Diversity
Sex and gender are often thought of as binary categories: that is, we can be either male or
female, or feminine or masculine. This is a false assumption.

Although sex can be quantified by DNA and genetic testing, sometimes the results are
difficult to makes sense of with regard to their social implications.

Sexuality
Your sexuality is about who you are attracted to, sexually and romantically. Human sexuality
refers to people’s sexual interest in and attraction to others, as well as their capacity to
respond to sexual stimuli. This is also called your sexual orientation where one’s physical
attraction and emotional attraction overlap.

Physical attraction refers to the characteristics of a person that might make you physically
or sexually attracted to them. Physical attraction can come from a variety of factors,
including someone’s gender identity, gender expression, or the sex they were assigned at
birth.

Emotional attraction relates to the characteristics of a person that might make you
emotionally or romantically attracted to them. This can also come from a variety of factors,
including gender identity, gender expression, or the sex they were assigned at birth.

Both physical and emotional attraction can also come from a lot of other places, like
someone’s personality or even the things you have in common.

Some people might be attracted to the same gender as them (gay people and lesbians), and
others might be attracted to people of the opposite gender to themselves (straight people).
Attraction is presented as a spectrum because some people (like bisexual or pansexual
people) are attracted to multiple genders, and could be attracted to different genders in
different ways, or to one gender more than another.

Many people find that these labels don’t fully explain their attractions. Some of these
people might call themselves ‘queer’. Thinking of attraction as a spectrum allows us to fully
explore our attractions without boxing them into a category that might not feel quite right.

Some people don’t feel any kind of physical attraction to other people, and that’s called
being asexual. Similarly, aromantic describes those who don’t feel emotional attraction to
people.
Types of Sexual Orientations:

There are a lot of recognized sexual orientations. Some may be familiar, some may sound
foreign to us, regardless of what gender or sexual orientation you identify as, it is important
to take into account that not everyone identifies the same as us, that each of these are valid
and that we should respect each and every individual who identifies differently as others.

• Straight or Heterosexual - attracted mostly to people of the opposite sex or gender

• Homosexual - Attracted mostly to people of the same sex or gender (gay or lesbian)
• Bisexual - attracted to both men or women

The Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale, is used in
research to describe a person's sexual orientation based on one’s experience or response at
a given time. If you would like to take the test, visit: http://vistriai.com/kinseyscaletest/

Gender Equality
Gender equality is achieved when women and men enjoy the same rights and opportunities
across all sectors of society, including economic participation and decision-making, and
when the different behaviors, aspirations and needs of women and men are equally valued
and favoured.

FREUD’S STAGES OF PSYCHOSEXUAL DEVELOPMENT

Freud proposed that personality development in childhood takes place during five
psychosexual stages, which are the oral, anal, phallic, latency, and genital stages. During
each stage sexual energy (libido) is expressed in different ways and through different parts
of the body.

These are called psychosexual stages because each stage represents the fixation of libido
(roughly translated as sexual drives or instincts) on a different area of the body. As a person
grows physically certain areas of their body become important as sources of potential
frustration (erogenous zones), pleasure or both.

Oral Stage (Birth to 1 year)

In the first stage of psychosexual development, the libido is centered in a baby's mouth.
During the oral stages, the baby gets much satisfaction from putting all sorts of things in its
mouth to satisfy the libido, and thus its id demands. Which at this stage in life are oral, or
mouth orientated, such as sucking, biting, and breastfeeding.

Freud said oral stimulation could lead to an oral fixation in later life. We see oral
personalities all around us such as smokers, nail-biters, finger-chewers, and thumb
suckers. Oral personalities engage in such oral behaviors, particularly when under stress.

Anal Stage (1 to 3 years)

During the anal stage of psychosexual development, the libido becomes focused on the
anus, and the child derives great pleasure from defecating. The child is now fully aware that
they are a person in their own right and that their wishes can bring them into conflict with
the demands of the outside world (i.e., their ego has developed).

Freud believed that this type of conflict tends to come to a head in potty training, in which
adults impose restrictions on when and where the child can defecate. The nature of this
first conflict with authority can determine the child's future relationship with all forms of
authority.

Early or harsh potty training can lead to the child becoming an anal-retentive personality
who hates mess, is obsessively tidy, punctual and respectful of authority. They can be
stubborn and tight-fisted with their cash and possessions.
This is all related to pleasure got from holding on to their faeces when toddlers, and their
mum's then insisting that they get rid of it by placing them on the potty until they perform!
Not as daft as it sounds. The anal expulsive, on the other hand, underwent a liberal toilet-
training regime during the anal stage.

In adulthood, the anal expulsive is the person who wants to share things with you. They like
giving things away. In essence, they are 'sharing their s**t'!' An anal-expulsive personality
is also messy, disorganized and rebellious.

Phallic Stage (3 to 6 years)

The phallic stage is the third stage of psychosexual development, spanning the ages of three
to six years, wherein the infant's libido (desire) centers upon their genitalia as the
erogenous zone.
The child becomes aware of anatomical sex differences, which sets in motion the conflict
between erotic attraction, resentment, rivalry, jealousy and fear which Freud called the
Oedipus complex (in boys) and the Electra complex (in girls).

This is resolved through the process of identification, which involves the child adopting the
characteristics of the same sex parent.

Latency Stage (6 years to puberty)

The latency stage is the fourth stage of psychosexual development, spanning the period of
six years to puberty. During this stage the libido is dormant and no further psychosexual
development takes place (latent means hidden).

Freud thought that most sexual impulses are repressed during the latent stage, and sexual
energy can be sublimated towards school work, hobbies, and friendships.

Much of the child's energy is channelled into developing new skills and acquiring new
knowledge, and play becomes largely confined to other children of the same gender.

Genital Stage (puberty to adult)

The genital stage is the last stage of Freud's psychosexual theory of personality
development, and begins in puberty. It is a time of adolescent sexual experimentation, the
successful resolution of which is settling down in a loving one-to-one relationship with
another person in our 20's.

Sexual instinct is directed to heterosexual pleasure, rather than self-pleasure like during the
phallic stage.

For Freud, the proper outlet of the sexual instinct in adults was through heterosexual
intercourse. Fixation and conflict may prevent this with the consequence that sexual
perversions may develop.

For example, fixation at the oral stage may result in a person gaining sexual pleasure
primarily from kissing and oral sex, rather than sexual intercourse.
Critical Evaluation
Is Freudian psychology supported by evidence? Freud's theory is good at explaining but not
at predicting behavior (which is one of the goals of science).

For this reason, Freud's theory is unfalsifiable - it can neither be proved true or refuted. For
example, the libido is difficult to test and measure objectively. Overall, Freud's theory is
highly unscientific.

Freud may also have shown research bias in his interpretations - he may have only paid
attention to information which supported his theories, and ignored information and other
explanations that did not fit them.

THE CHEMISTRY OF LOVE, LUST, AND ATTACHMENT

Lust - this is a phase which is driven by sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen, in both
men and women
Attraction - this phase is said to be one of the beautiful moments of life. This is the phase
when a person actually starts to feel the love
Attachment - is a bond helping the couple to take their relationship to advanced levels. It
instigates the feeling of bearing children and falling in love with them wholeheartedly

Emotional Self - is the ability to respond to the ongoing demands of experience with the
range of emotions in a manner that is socially tolerable and sufficiently flexible to permit
spontaneous reactions as well as the ability to delay spontaneous reactions as needed

Emotional Regulation - is a complex process that involves initiating, inhabiting, or

modulating one’s state or behavior in a given situation

Classification of Emotions:
1. That emotions are discrete and fundamentally different constructs
2. That emotions can be characterized on a dimensional basis in groupings

Emotional Expressions - are observable verbal and nonverbal behaviors that communicate
an internal emotional or affective state

Modal Model of Emotion:

1. Situation - the sequence begins with a situation (real or imagined) that is emotionally
relevant
2. Attention - is directed towards the emotional situation
3. Appraisal - the emotional situation is evaluated and interpreted
4. Response - an emotional response is generated, giving rise to loosely coordinated
changes in experiential, behavioral and physiological response systems

Emotional Intelligence - the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions,
and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically

Emotional Granularity - an individual’s ability to differentiate between the specificity of

their emotions
 LUST ATTRACTION ATTACHMENT

Testosterone, Estrogen Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Serotonin Oxytocin, Vasopressin

Where does the brain love?

Attraction
While we can certainly lust for someone we are attracted to, and vice versa, one can happen
without the other. Attraction involves the brain pathways that control “reward” behavior
which partly explains why the first few weeks or months of a relationship can be so
exhilarating and even all-consuming.

The hypothalamus releases Dopamine and Norepinephrine (Noradrenaline), hormones that

are released when we do things that feel good to us.

Attachment
Attachment is the predominant factor in long-term relationships. While lust and attraction
are pretty much exclusive to romantic entanglements, attachment mediates friendships,
parent-infant bonding, social cordiality, and many other intimacies as well.