CONNECTING QUESTIONS

Affair Proofing
 Affair Proofing

It can begin so innocently. You find yourself losing the connection with your spouse, so
you turn to someone else to listen to you. You talk about the events of the day, your
interests, and share funny stories. As the connection is reciprocated, you start discuss-
ing the passions of your heart, issues in your marriage, and confide in each other. Lunch
appointments move to dinner and drinks and recreational activities. What began as an
innocent friendship with someone of the opposite sex has now moved into the territory
of an emotional affair. What follows typically is a physical affair. We are bombarded with
temptations and messages that put thoughts in our heads that life mig 

Affairs are rarely spur of the moment mistakes, but rather gradual emotional bonds
that are made with someone outside the marriage. Boundaries help set up clear lines
that should never be crossed. If you see the line, start walking backwards until you
cannot see the line anymore. Keep in mind that boundaries are about prioritizing and
protecting your marriage. It’s setting ground rules before an issue arises so that you’re
both equipped to handle the situation and make the best choices. Here are 5 rules that
you need to know regarding the opposite sex in order to protect your relationship. 

Rule #1- Do not be friends with anyone your spouse does not feel comfortable with. 
Rule #2- Don’t be alone with anyone of the opposite sex outside of work. 
Rule #3- Don’t share intimate details of your marriage with friends of the opposite sex. 
Rule #4- Don’t be a shoulder for someone of the opposite sex to cry on. 
Rule #5- There can be no secrets. 
 Connecting Questions
1 When there is an issue in our marriage, do we run away from each other and turn
towards a friend/co-worker, or do we face our problems head on? 

2 Do we confide in each other often? 

3 What need of yours have I not been able to satisfy? 

4 What can I do this week to make our marriage better? 

5 What are your deepest desires, hopes and dreams? 

6 What’s your view about pornography? 

7 Do you consider watching pornography cheating? 

8 What are healthy boundaries we need to put into play on having friends of the
opposite sex? 

9 Is there anyone in my life of the opposite sex that makes you feel uncomfortable? 
 ACTION PLAN
Find a couple who can mentor you. Meaning that they will walk you through any
issues you face, support and pray for you and also to learn from. 

If pornography has been a struggle for you, invest in an internet blocker. We

prefer SafeEyes but there are tons of options out there and they are worth every
penny. 

It’s time to start scheduling sex. Talk about how many times per week you both
prefer and put it on your calendar. We use the word “N.A.P.” which stands for
Naughty And Playful just in case our kids see it. We don’t want to freak them
out! 

Start going on more date nights and asking each other openended questions.
These can be in home dates where you play a card game, take a walk, and make
dinner together. Make your spouse your top priority. Talk about problems and
concerns and work through them. 

Get joint counseling or couples coaching if necessary. If your spouse won’t go, go
by yourself. They will see the changes in you, and your spouse might soften.