1

00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:07,674

Hey, Michael?
Yeah?

2
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,384
Contractions are coming
every 10 minutes.

3
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,386
Okay, just remember
to keep breathing.

4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:14,180
My cervix is ripening.
Okay, good.

5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,016
Jan is about to have a baby
with a sperm donor,

6
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:21,688
and Michael is preparing for the
birth of a watermelon with Dwight.

7
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,316
Now this baby will be related
to Michael through...

8
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,403
Delusion.

9
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:29,821
Michael!
Yeah?

10
00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:32,198
My water's breaking!
Okay. Okay.

11
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:34,200
What do you do?
What do you do?

12
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,202
I get a call from Jan, and I
meet her at the hospital.
13
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,079
Right. Highways
or surface roads?

14
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,539
I take Quincy Ave to Gibson.

15
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,040
No. Gibson is covered
in potholes.

16
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,208
Your car breaks down.
Adapt.

17
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,876
I checked the route.
There are no potholes.

18
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,837
It's about adapting
to the circumstances.

19
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:48,131
Andy, would you like to have my baby?
Yes! Yeah.

20
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,424
No. Okay, no.

21
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:52,677
I'm crowning. I'm crowning!
All right. Come on. Sorry.

22
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,303
Here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.

23
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,471
- The pressure!
- Do it!

24
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,224
The pressure! Scream. Scream it out!
Scream it out!

25
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,145
Babies are one of my
many areas of expertise.

26
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,397
Growing up, I performed
my own circumcision.

27
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:05,648
Just keep pushing.
Hold me.

28
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,692
I'm right here. I'm right here.
Cradle my head!

29
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,569
I'm right here. I'm screaming.
I'm screaming!

30
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,362
I'm screaming!
All right. Dwight.

31
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,740
Just push and breathe. Numb me up.
I want anesthesia.

32
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,283
No, you can't have it.
It's too late.

33
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:16,659
No, I don't want natural.

34
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,661
No, you have to just push it out.
Okay.

35
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,747
Keep simulating. Okay.

36
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,582
Do you have the Sharpie?
Keep simulating.

37
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,083
Do you have the Sharpie?
Yes, I do.

38
00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:27,920
Okay! When the baby emerges, mark
it secretly in a kind of a mark

39
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,548
that only you could recognize and
no baby snatcher could ever copy.

40
00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,008
Okay. Yes.
Ready?

41
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,927
Okay. Coming!
Here we go!

42
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,680
God. Wow,
what was on that?

43
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,016
Butter. Newborns
are slippery.

44
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,059
Nice touch. Good.
Let's try that again.

45
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,774
This is going to be
the happiest day of my life.

46
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,469
Hello, ladies.
How is my shower going?

47
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,847
Phyllis, did you get
the live storks? No.

48
00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:22,225
Damn it, Phyllis.
I'm sorry.

49
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:26,896
Damn it, Phyllis, it was hard
enough to convince Jan to come.

50
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,775
So are we set
for refreshments?

51
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,653
Per your instructions
we have the personalized M&M's

52
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:38,032
with the baby names. This is your
boy bowl with the name Chevy.

53
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,158
That was me.

54
00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:43,204
And this is the girl bowl with
M&M's with the name Astird.

55
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:46,415
That can't be right.
Michael wrote down "Astird."

56
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:50,002
She said it is the name
of a Viking princess, so...

57
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:53,256
Astird.
I know. I know.

58
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,093
It is beautiful. No, thank you.
Is this it?

59
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:01,305
I mean, is this... Two bowls
of M&M's and some balloons?

60
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,724
You know what, Phyllis? I
think you need to step it up.

61
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,184
I think you need
to get the lead out,

62
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:08,604
because if I'm not mistaken, we
gave you your wedding shower here.

63
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:12,441
We all came into this room
and gave you a golden shower.

64
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,945
Well, you know what, where's
my golden shower, Phyllis?

65
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:20,575
It does not matter to me at all whether
this baby is biologically mine.

66
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:26,080
I'm going to love it. It's like
when the dog nurses the tiger cub.

67
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,165
Have you seen that video?

68
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:34,547
It is... It's so bizarre
and unnatural,

69
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:38,843
but it happens.

70
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,471
Okay, I'm collecting
for the baby shower.

71
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,891
But, Phyllis,
it's not his baby.

72
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,893
I know, Kevin. Why do
we have to pay money

73
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,771
to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's
unborn sperm-bank baby?

74
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:54,650
Look at it as if you're paying for
the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.

75
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,820
I do enjoy being the head of
the Party Planning Committee.

76
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:01,741
I'm no longer under Angela's heel, and
her little grape head is under mine.

77
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,452
Hey. Hey. What are you doing?
Don't talk to them.

78
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,245
I'm sorry.
Make the party.

79
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:09,165
Don't... Make the party,
please, Phyllis.

80
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,509
Pump it!

81
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,970
So you know Stacy, right?

82
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,388
Right.
The one from England.

83
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:26,807
There's no one from England, Jim.
Katie studied in Ireland.

84
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:29,769
This is Stacy. The one who does
the Murakami-style collages.

85
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,520
Right. That style.
86
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,565
So Stacy and Eric get to Foner's
G-tech half an hour early

87
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,901
so they don't have to
sit on the slab. Okay.

88
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,153
Anyway, Foner's TA
Sarikaya comes in.

89
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,489
Wait,
who's Sarikaya Komzin?

90
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,701
No, Sarikaya comes in. Don't interrupt.
I have, like, 30 seconds to finish this

91
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,453
and get to Digi Crit.
Okay. Okay.

92
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,373
So Sarikaya says to Eric, "No
way, you can't reserve seats."

93
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,541
And then Stacy
gets all up in her face,

94
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,418
and Sarikaya picks up
Stacy's Mi-Teintes pad

95
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,796
and throws it
at the light box.

96
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,881
No way.
Yes!

97
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,552
That's hilarious.
No, it was horrible.

98
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,389
Jim, she might get arrested.
Who? Stacy?

99
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,265
No, Stacy is a boy.

100
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,686
This is so frustrating. Why can't
you just be in art class with me?

101
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,064
Wait, I gotta go.
Class is starting.

102
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,733
Okay, I'll...
I'll talk to you later.

103
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,114
That was a good story.

104
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,366
Who's Sarikaya Komzin?

105
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:33,374
Yo, got the "Nard" puppy for you.
What's going on here?

106
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:37,336
It's a baby game where you
guess whose picture is whose.

107
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,006
Check it out.

108
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:45,344
Who would have thought that this little
baby would be marrying that little baby?

109
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,471
That's Phyllis.

110
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,725
Well...
Yeah, it is.

111
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:54,103
So I hope you two are very
happy together. Pervert.

112
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,605
Wait, why does that
make me a pervert? I...

113
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,399
Well, it does.
That's me.

114
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,192
That's not you.
Yes, it is.

115
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,570
That's mean,
come on. That's...

116
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,329
Ahoy, matey!
Ahoy!

117
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:18,461
Ahoy. So, how are you doing?
Good.

118
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,716
Listen, Jan Levinson
is coming in today,

119
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:28,763
and she is in the terminal
stages of her pregnancy.

120
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:33,100
A child of which
I have a vested interest.

121
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,353
It's all kind of weird.

122
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:42,777
Anyway, she is incredibly fat
and enormous right now,

123
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,822
extremely unattractive, and
you are, on the other hand,

124
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:50,659
one of the more attractive
people in the office,

125
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:56,123
so while she's here I am going to
be acting kind of cold to you,

126
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,919
and I am doing this

127
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:05,633
to pay respect to her
bloated feelings.

128
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:09,887
And I'm treating Ryan the same way.
Of course. Yeah.

129
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,268
I do not like pregnant
women in my workspace.

130
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,437
They're always complaining.

131
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:23,442
I have varicose veins, too. I have
swollen ankles. I'm constantly hungry.

132
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,653
Do you think my nipples
don't get sore, too?

133
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,447
Do you think I don't need to know
the fastest way to the hospital?

134
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,041
- Jan.
- Hi, Jim.

135
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,503
What do we have here?
This is my baby.

136
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,046
Really?

137
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,508
Oh, no.

138
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:55,933
Jan had the baby, and Michael
wasn't there to mark it.

139
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,186
So the baby could be
anybody's, except Michael's.

140
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,484
So this is Astird?
Astrid.

141
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:06,735
Oh! Oh.

142
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,779
Okay.
Why didn't you call me?

143
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:13,242
Well, you know, labor just kind
of started very suddenly...

144
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,619
I could have helped... and
the birth instructor thought

145
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:16,996
it wasn't a good idea
for you to be there...

146
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,539
You listened to that guy?
...so I just...
147
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:21,917
He had no sense of humor, and I
proved him wrong in so many ways.

148
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,961
Michael, you don't have any
idea what I've been through.

149
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,839
No, I don't.
So, I just... I'm sorry.

150
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:30,968
I thought today at the baby shower would
be a good time for the two of you to meet.

151
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,553
Can I hold her?

152
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,388
Yes. Yes, you can.

153
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,647
You know, I think just
leave her in the car seat.

154
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,982
Just... Yeah.

155
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,110
Okay. All right.

156
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,615
Okay.

157
00:08:56,369 --> 00:09:01,790
I love babies. I think they are beautiful
in all sorts of different ways.

158
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:07,630
I try to pick up and hold a baby every
day, if possible, because it nourishes me.

159
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:11,258
It feeds my soul.
Babies are drawn to me,
160
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,803
and I think it's because
they see me as one of them.

161
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:19,350
But cooler, and with my life
put together a little bit.

162
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:24,063
If a baby were president, there would
be no taxes. There would be no war.

163
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,609
There would be
no government,

164
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,739
and things
could get terrible.

165
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,157
It actually, probably...

166
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,285
It would be a better screenplay
idea than a serious suggestion.

167
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:44,041
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege
and honor to present for the first time

168
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:47,336
in her life and in the office, As...
Trid.

169
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:52,883
...trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid,
this is everybody, look.

170
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:57,388
This is your family. You're going to
know them for the rest of your life.

171
00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:01,892
Well... Well, he may not be here.
Say hello.
172
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:06,105
Okay. Here we go. Lion King.
Michael, Michael, Michael!

173
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,357
That's... That's too high.
I'll take that.

174
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,151
Okay! Come on.
Let's get our shower on.

175
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:14,071
Conference room.
Choppity, chip, chop.

176
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,365
Are you okay?
You seem kind of...

177
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,660
I'm fine, weirdo.

178
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:25,374
Such an HR weirdo. Try not to suck all
the air out of there when you walk in.

179
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,548
Ready to play some games?
Let's do it!

180
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,550
Michael, the baby's
already been born.

181
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,051
Yeah, duh.

182
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,638
So we had games planned, but
the baby ruins all of them.

183
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:42,891
No, the baby doesn't
ruin anything, Kevin, okay?
184
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:47,563
The baby multiplies the fun. Let's
just do what you were going to do.

185
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:52,901
Okay. Who wants to guess
when the baby will be born?

186
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:58,198
All right, how about some presents?
I want to see some presents.

187
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,701
I got this so I can write
down for thank you notes.

188
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,078
Thank you. That's very sweet, thank you.
What do we got?

189
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,415
We all chipped in
and got you this stroller.

190
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:08,751
Oh!

191
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,836
Thank you.
She already has a stroller.

192
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,213
And this is way worse than
the stroller she came with.

193
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,966
She's got an Orbit.
That's a $1,200 stroller.

194
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,927
$1,200 for a stroller?

195
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,264
Okay, what else?

196
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,934
$1,200 is what I spent
on my whole bomb shelter.

197
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:31,523
For that kind of money, this
stroller should be indestructible.

198
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:39,573
Being good isn't always easy
No matter how hard I try

199
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:42,242
When he started
sweet-talking to me

200
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:45,079
He'd come and tell me
everything is all right

201
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:48,457
He'd kiss and tell me
everything is all right

202
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,959
And can I get away
again tonight

203
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,127
The only one...

204
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,129
- Hey, you.
- Hey, you busy?

205
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,507
Not even. I'm doing laundry for
the first time in, like, a month.

206
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:59,134
Okay, okay. You got to hear this. So,
Jan's shower's going on right now,

207
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:01,136
and she's singing
Son of a Preacher Man.

208
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,554
I can't hear anything.
There's like...

209
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,764
Everyone's just
staring at her like...

210
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,224
There's, like,
machines going.

211
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,601
...the song is about losing your
virginity next to a church,

212
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:10,687
and guess what? She's been
singing for the last 20 minutes.

213
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,648
I can't hear anything.

214
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:16,735
Okay, well, you know what,
just call me later.

215
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:17,986
Okay.

216
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,907
I'm not frustrated.
Even if I were in Scranton,

217
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,534
Jim and I would
have days like this.

218
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:28,330
We're just a little out of sync.
You know, that's all.

219
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:30,749
Oh!

220
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,210
Great, I...
I washed my lipstick.
221
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:40,926
How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes

222
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,887
Stealing kisses from me
on the sly

223
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,722
Taking time to make time

224
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,934
Telling me
that he's all mine

225
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,770
Learning from
each other's knowing

226
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,857
Looking to see how much
we've grown And the only...

227
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,985
Don't hit the fence!
Oh, no, my child!

228
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,238
Don't get stuck
on the barbed wire!

229
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,534
Playtime is over!

230
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:10,622
So, Jan, tell my intended about
the miracle of childbirth.

231
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:14,918
Well, actually I... I had a tub birth,
and it was really, really quite amazing.

232
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,545
You gave birth in a tub?

233
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,715
Yeah, it's a really nice
transition from womb to world.

234
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,300
You know, kind of
like a big womb.

235
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,427
So you're in the tub
with everything?

236
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,970
Yeah, the afterbirth floats.
Yeah.

237
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,139
Must be like the tide
at Omaha Beach.

238
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,766
No, it's actually
really hygienic, Creed.

239
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,059
After the birth, you get out...
I'm done.

240
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,853
Me, too... and you
deliver the afterbirth.

241
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:37,316
Hey, hey, no, no, no, no, no. No.
No. This is the birth story.

242
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,068
It was beautiful.
It was beautiful.

243
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,945
This is a once-in-a-lifetime
experience,

244
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:46,241
and I should have been there. I should
have been there to witness this.
245
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,702
I could have helped. You're
upset about this. I know that,

246
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:54,458
and I wish that I... But would it help if
you held Astrid for just a little bit?

247
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,505
Yeah.
Okay. All right.

248
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,675
I'm just going to lie down for a
couple of minutes. I'm exhausted.

249
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:08,388
So, remind me to talk to you about
Astrid's 529. Wake me in 20.

250
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,107
I usually love babies,
but when I held Astrid

251
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,401
I just felt...

252
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:25,948
Shortchanged.

253
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,742
Phyllis?

254
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,456
Could you take...
Sure.

255
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,500
Just for a second.

256
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,001
Okay.

257
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,838
Sweetheart.
258
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,679
Hey, guys.
What's up, Mike?

259
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,600
I need some advice from one
baby-daddy to another.

260
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,562
You a baby-daddy?
Yeah, I a baby-daddy.

261
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,692
When you first
became a baby-daddy,

262
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:05,445
did you have an immediate
connection with that baby?

263
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:10,200
Like, the first time that you held it,
did you find that with your baby baby?

264
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,578
Hell, yeah.
You know why?

265
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,497
'Cause that was my baby.

266
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,416
I just thought
as a baby-daddy...

267
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,919
You should stop calling
yourself "baby-daddy."

268
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:24,631
Why, Darryl? Because I'm quote
"white" quote, unquote?

269
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:28,802
Because you're not a daddy,
and it's not your baby.
270
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,597
Well... You feel connected
to his baby over there?

271
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,474
It's... That's different.
You feel connected to this?

272
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,103
That's not a baby. You want
to hold me, see how you feel?

273
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,232
Could I?
No.

274
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,536
Oh.

275
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,706
I was just catching up
on my sleep.

276
00:15:57,999 --> 00:15:59,541
I can imagine.

277
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:05,547
Where's Astrid? I think
she's on a sales call.

278
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:09,509
On a what?
"Wah, more paper. Wah."

279
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:16,975
No, she's just on her coffee break.
That's funny.

280
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,228
She's with Angela.

281
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,485
That's good.
Now I need you to...

282
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,654
I need it to look up here.
Get the baby to look...

283
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:29,905
Okay.
...up here. Ready?

284
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:34,368
Yeah. Look at my finger.
Look. Look.

285
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:37,496
No. Come on, up here.
Look up here.

286
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,790
Your hand's in it.
What? Sorry.

287
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,500
What are you doing? Yeah,
that was a good one.

288
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:42,918
What's going on?
Excuse me.

289
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,045
We're taking a picture.
Honey, there you are.

290
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,090
She's nature's bounty. You don't
flash around a newborn baby.

291
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,758
Don't you know that?
What?

292
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:58,475
Michael, I need your help.
I was just going to...

293
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:02,771
I was going to talk to
Holly about her hygiene.

294
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:08,276
She smells like
old tomatoes and dirt.

295
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,572
Come on.

296
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,248
I like to call this
the bumper test.

297
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,942
Sure you can't stay
a little longer?

298
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,235
No, Michael,
you know what,

299
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,404
I really have to go.
Okay.

300
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:57,033
All right, everybody, they're leaving.
Jan and Astrid are leaving.

301
00:17:57,702 --> 00:18:01,288
You know what, where is the
stroller that I came in with?

302
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:05,333
I took the liberty of putting it
in your trunk. Thanks, Dwight.

303
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:12,215
Okay. You know what, there is... There is
one more thing that you can do for me.

304
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,843
Okay.
Don't date Holly.

305
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:19,097
That's... I hate her.

306
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,059
Why? God, why would
you even ask me to...

307
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:30,484
I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I
don't, but... Okay. All right. Fine.

308
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:36,114
Thanks for the baby shower. It was great.
And I'll... I'll see you soon.

309
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,866
All right.
Okay.

310
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,220
You still going
to be mean to me?

311
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,246
Want to go out?

312
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,000
Yes.

313
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:35,632
I didn't feel much when I held Astrid,
but I got a good feeling from Holly.

314
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:44,266
Hey, it's Jim. Leave a message.
Hi.

315
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:50,939
Hey, this is Pam. Leave a message.
Hey. It's me. It is 5:03.

316
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,483
I figured I'd catch you
walking to your car, but...

317
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:56,653
Guess you must be out or something.
I'll leave a message.

318
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,990
Is it me or are we
just a little off today?

319
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:02,284
I guess this is just
one of those days.

320
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,661
It'll get better.

321
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,914
Hope you didn't have
any major laundry issues.

322
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:11,126
I finished my laundry.
Got all my socks.

323
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,379
Nothing like that time
that crazy guy pushed you.

324
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:18,466
Hey, do you remember that time
that I helped you do your laundry

325
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,886
and that crazy guy came in
and started yelling at you?

326
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:24,180
And then remember we went shopping the
next day to buy me a washer-dryer?

327
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:26,558
And yet, here you are,
back in a Laundromat.

328
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,728
You know, I'm just trying to
help you, Beesly. Be safe.

329
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,731
You're probably upset that I'm
even at a Laundromat right now,

330
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:37,027
but don't worry, I'm being
safe, and I'm headed home.

331
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,989
I'm headed to my dorm.
Not home.

332
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,867
Wish you were home.

333
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,829
Anyway...
Anyway,

334
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:52,125
I miss you.
I miss you.