NEWS 

• BLOGS • SUBSCRIBE • DONATE
Previous PostNext Post

The Difference Between Forbearance and Patience

Posted by Susanna Spencer on Thursday Nov 10th, 2016 at 9:28 PM

Learning to forbear is learning to be merciful.

About six months ago I took it upon myself to organize and host a women’s
Bible study in my home. I emailed a large group of women whom I thought
might be interested and received a very positive response. Since we started
meeting, we have had many spiritually fruitful discussions. One that I found to
be particularly helpful was the hour we spent discussing the difference
between forbearance and patience as presented in Saint Paul’s Letter to the
Romans.

It all started with a footnote in the New Testament Ignatius Catholic Study Bible on
Romans 2:4. The verse states: “Or do you presume upon the riches of his
kindness and forbearance and patience? Do you not know that God’s
kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” The footnote differentiated
between forbearance and patience. The distinction between the two is
significant, yet subtle, and one could say that forbearance is a kind of
patience. God forbears with us when he bears with our faults done out of
weakness, such as our habitual sins or those which we do without thinking.
Often we do not even realize that we are doing these things until we do a
thorough examination of conscience. We are not deliberately wronging God,
but our failings are still offences against him. Though when we become aware
of these acts done in weakness, we must repent, try to change, and ask for
the grace to not do them anymore.

God is patient when he bears with the wrongs that we purposefully do, those
deliberate and often serious sins that we are perfectly aware of committing.
These too, God endures out of his love for us desiring to lead us to
repentance. Our negligent acts and our purposeful acts are both those that
must be born through, but the offense they give is different.

We could also look at this differentiation on the level of human relationships.

One of the things I realized while studying this text was that I very often fail to
distinguish between others’ purposeful faults and the faults that they do out of
weakness, and I react to both in a very impatient manner. What should my
reaction be when I am the one who left the vase of flowers on a table which I
knew my toddler could easily reach? Or when a child asks one more time for a
glass of milk when she sees that I have my hands full and I have already
asked her to wait? Or when the other children yell in the hallway and wake the
napping toddler? Or when we are just trying to get out the door in jackets,
shoes, and with a snack for a long morning out? The chaos that happens in a
home with small children often drives me to angry outbursts as I attempt to
reign it all in. But I forget that the things for which I take offense are not my
children purposefully defying me, but they do them because they are children
who cannot do differently, due to their own weaknesses.

The same thing happens with other adults in my life. I take offense at things
that they may not even realize they are doing. The dish rag left in the wrong
spot or the dishwasher loaded the wrong way might be enough to make me
upset. Or maybe it is something that seems more purposeful, like not taking
their fair turn at a stop sign. Learning to forbear with these small offenses,
which are not even purposeful is a way in which I can mortify my own sinful
inclinations.

When we pray in the “Our Father” for God to “forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass against us,” we need to look at how we forgive the
small, unthinking faults of others as well as the larger ones. The truth of the
matter is that God also forgives the deliberate sins, if we repent and ask for
his forgiveness. If I cannot forbear calmly with my child when I ask her for the
umpteenth time to put her toys away, how can I have the grace to forgive her
the purposeful acts of disobedience she commits. But I need to ask God for
the grace to do both, and practice both in my heart and my actions everyday.

As I reflect on my own inability to forbear and have patience with others, I

realize that I am like the Unmerciful Servant in the parable (Matthew 18:23-35)
who upon receiving forgiveness from his master for a very large debt went out
and demanded of a fellow servant a much smaller sum that was owed to him.
When the fellow servant was unable to pay, the Unmerciful Servant had him
thrown into prison. When the master heard what had happened he found the
Unmerciful Servant and said:

`You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you besought
me;

and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had
mercy on you?'

And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his
debt.

So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not

forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:32-35).

I am like the one who looks at the speck in my neighbor’s eye, ignoring the
plank in my own. I spend so much time being impatient with others, losing my
temper with others, that I overlook my own weaknesses and deliberately sinful
acts. If I were to focus more on overcoming my own weaknesses, I would not
be so impatient with others. If I were to even take a moment to reflect on how
God, in his great mercy, shows us kindness, forbears with us, has patience
with us, and if I were to actually take the opportunity to repent, I would be
doing so much better than wallowing in my impatient weakness. Learning to
forbear is learning to be merciful. I want to learn to be merciful towards every
little weakness I notice in those around me. The Year of Mercy is coming to an
end and I am still learning this lesson of mercy, which I am still such a novice
in. It is a great thing that I have such a patient teacher, who in his steady
workings of grace has not given up on me yet.

Previous PostNext Post

7

Go Back | Go Home

Mobile | Desktop
© 2020 National Catholic Register

We've updated our privacy policy. You can see the details here.
Close this notice (we will save a setting in your browser to keep it from
showing again).