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Personal Paradigm

Bailey Blacker

Professional Development Paper

CHILD325

Brigham Young University- Idaho

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Personal Paradigm

There are things that we experience, learn, and do throughout our life that shape who we

are. These things essentially make up our person and effect the way we think, feel, speak, and

react. Throughout my twenty-four years of living, I have gathered information and knowledge

that has changed and shaped the way I see the world. These are personal paradigms, of sorts, or

individual understandings of how I interpret the world and how it works. One of the aspects I

have enjoyed from most of my college courses is the opportunity I have had to study many

theories and ideas of intellectual people throughout history. I appreciate being able to take a

glimpse into how other’s think and understand. Many theories that I have studied through the

recent years have resonated with me and have affected my personal paradigm. Throughout this

paper, I will discuss a few of the most influential theories I have connected with.

The Attachment Theory

John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory is an idea that I almost immediately connected to. It is

a very popular and well-known theory, especially in the child development world. When I first

learned about the Attachment Theory, and then had an opportunity to study the information,

research, and studies, it just made complete sense to me. Bowlby had discovered that a child’s

home life, and especially the presence of an involved mother, was detrimental to their emotional

development and success. Though it has now been shown that a child is able to form a secure

attachment with simply an involved parent, rather than specifically a mother, the idea is that a

child will be able to handle new situations, stress, and challenges better when they had

experienced a more secure relationship (Fleming, 2008). I was lucky enough to have a mom who

was able to stay at home throughout my childhood. My dad’s job provided enough, so we had

the blessing of having mom home all the time. When I was little, I didn’t realize what a blessing
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and abnormality that really was, so I often took it for granted. Now as an adult, I am so grateful

that my mom was home with me and my five younger siblings, that she was involved, present,

and always there. I know that a secure attachment can be achieved even with a working mother

or parent, though it can be more challenging. I have also been able to experience a little of the

other side, by working at a daycare with children, ages four to eight, whose parents worked long

hours every day. It was a different experience with them and through observation I could tell that

many of the children had a very different relationship than the one I had with my mother at that

age. Because of these experiences, I have a desire to be a stay at home mom, or work as little as

possible, so that I am able to be there for my children and nurture that relationship to provide a

strong attachment.

Parenting Styles and Theory

Last semester I took a parenting course where we learned a lot about Baumrind’s

Parenting Styles and Theory. I had learned about this theory previously, but I was able to really

dive into because of this class. Baumrind separated parenting styles into three categories:

authoritarian, the controlling parent, permissive, the parent that constantly gives in, and

authoritative, the healthy medium between the two extremes (Kuppens & Ceulemans, 2019).

This course and theory made me really reflect on my childhood and the way my parents raised

me. I am the oldest child, so though my parents were learning and charting undiscovered

territory, they fell into the category of authoritative parents. They were strict when it was

necessary, but I knew they also had my best interest in mind. My dad always said, “I just want

you to be better than I ever was or could be”. My parents expected me to rise to my potential but

they were also willing to help me get there, especially through love, understanding, and patience.
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I am grateful for the way they parented me, though sometimes I was stubborn or upset because I

didn’t understand at the time what I know now.

Emotion Coaching and Theory

A theory and idea that I have learned about recently but have connected with deeply is

John Gottman’s theory of Emotion Coaching. Emotion coaching is the idea that we can teach our

children about their feelings and help them learn healthy ways to deal with emotions such as

anger, frustration, and sadness, so that they are better prepared to navigate emotional situations.

It has been proven that emotion coaching helps a child to self-regulate emotions, deal with strong

feelings in a healthy way, and ultimately learn to manage stress (Gus et al., 2015). For the last

couple of years, I have worked at a daycare facility and many of the children come from difficult

backgrounds of abandonment and abuse. Many of these children are angry and upset, they

haven’t been taught how to deal with these strong emotions and so they act out in violence,

tantrums, bullying, and screaming. I had a difficult time knowing how to help these children but

after I learned about emotion coaching, I decided to put it to the test. It was truly amazing, and

dare I say life-changing, to watch these children change as we taught them how to work through

the feelings they had and find other ways to get those emotions out. I am a firm believer that

emotion coaching is beneficial to a child’s success and I hope to use it as a future mother and

professional involved with children.

Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is another theory that I have adopted into my own personal

paradigm. Abraham Maslow believed that there were five tiers of needs that motivate us as

humans: physiological, safety, love and belongingness, esteem, and self-actualization. In order

for a person to be comfortable, satisfied, and develop the tiers must be fulfilled from bottom to
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top, starting with physiological. It has been shown that the success of fulfilling the higher levels

of the hierarchy of needs correlates with how well the lower levels were satisfied (Taormina &

Gao, 2013). A well-rounded individual usually has successfully fulfilled the bottom tiers of the

hierarchy and is working to or has already achieved the top tiers. I learned about this theory way

back in high school and I remember that it just seemed to click. From then on, I have constantly

gone back to reflect how the hierarchy looks in my own life and also in other’s lives to see how I

can help myself grow and also encourage the people around me. It has been really helpful

through the years as I have become an adult and have set many goals to help myself become

independent and a more balanced individual. I often keep the tiers of the hierarchy in mind as I

set these goals, so that I am able to transition and change in way that provides me with feelings

of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Conclusion

This paper has been a great reminder and time of reflection for me to think about the

things I have learned, recently and in previous years, that have truly shaped my way of

thinking and experiencing the world. Many of these theories have made me who I am.

They have impacted my way of thinking, my relationships, my mannerisms, even my

emotions and character. I truly believe that I would be a different person if I hadn’t

learned and connected with these ideas at the times I did throughout my life. I am grateful

for these ideas and theories that have become a part of my own personal paradigm and I

am excited to see how my paradigm shifts and morphs as I continue to deepen my

knowledge and acquire new experiences.

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References

Fleming, T. (2008). A Secure Base for Adult Learning: Attachment Theory and Adult

Education. Adult Learner: The Irish Journal of Adult and Community Education, 33–53.

Gus, L., Rose, J., & Gilbert, L. (2015). Emotion Coaching: A universal strategy for supporting

and promoting sustainable emotional and behavioural well-being. Educational & Child

Psychology, 32(1), 31–41. 

Kuppens, S., & Ceulemans, E. (2019). Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known

Concept. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 28(1), 168–181.

https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x

TAORMINA, R. J., & GAO, J. H. (2013). Maslow and the Motivation Hierarchy: Measuring

Satisfaction of the Needs. American Journal of Psychology, 126(2), 155.

https://doi.org/10.5406/amerjpsyc.126.2.0155