Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Immaculate Recovery
the true story
© 2010 Rick Laham
All Rights Reserved.
ISBN: 978-160844-533-2
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Preface
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CHAPTER 1
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Chapter 1
about the car, she told me that it was just some city worker
who had come to watch her dance at Club Exposure that
night. I knew she was a little shady, but figured I could trust
her enough to get high and hang out with her.
Back then in the dope game, a lot of the girls who used
drugs had been busted and talked to the cops to stay out of
jail. We had spent time together over the last year and were a
little closer than just using buddies. I thought I knew her. Bad
assumption.
After getting high until sun-up, Kat let it slip out that
“they” were going to serve me arrest warrants for being the
leader of a drug and prostitution ring. Though it didn’t really
come as a surprise, it really got my attention and sobered me
up real quick.
I had been living out of hotels for the past year or so, and
had already been arrested three or four times and had out-
standing warrants for not showing up for my court dates. I
would be arrested and go to jail seven times in a period of
about 18 months.
It started when my wife, and the love of my life for
almost 20 years, told me she no longer loved me and wanted
a divorce. I started using hard drugs, progressing from mari-
juana to crack cocaine. I was self-medicating to mask the
pain. Before long I was addicted and didn’t even realize it.
The addiction would lead me to staying out late into the
night, looking for and doing drugs. Before long, I was not
even coming home at all. I would never check into the dives I
was staying in under my real name. Checking into a hotel
without the use of an I.D. was tough. Lots of times the cops
would roll through the cheap hotels and look for people who
were wanted. I would check in as Joe Birch, Johnny Law, Rick
Lane and other aliases. Everyone just knew me as Joe.
The night before, I had rented a room and started to
spend the night at the hotel across the highway, only to get out
of the shower and look through the peephole in my hotel door
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Chapter 1
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all running and they all had their parking lights on. I guess so
they could easily recognize each other once the chase started.
I was scared to death as I got into my car and took off. I
figured I was barely a step ahead of the cops. The unmarked
cars all started moving as soon as I did. No one was going too
fast. The roads were a sheet of ice. I knew the area really well
and was moving just a little faster than the unmarked cars. I
was able to get a half mile or so ahead of them. It was time to
get out of Wichita, if I could.
I was out of cash and headed to my office a few miles away.
I had a Payday loan company and figured I could print some
checks, go by the bank, and head out of town. I made it to my
office and seemed to have lost them. I didn’t figure I had much
time. They knew where I worked. I used to go there to party
before I started hanging out in the hotels. I made it to the bank
drive-thru before any of the unmarked cars showed up again.
It was a little old lady; she made a pretty good under-
cover. She was laid down in the front seat of a late model
Thunderbird. No one would suspect her of being a cop. I
pulled out of the bank drive-thru and was watching her in my
review mirror as she popped up and took off behind me. I was
in my neighborhood, and it didn’t take much effort to lose her.
I took some back roads and caught the highway headed out of
town.
The car I was driving was a rental and had some prob-
lems. Almost out of town, it quit running. I didn’t really know
at that point if they were still on me. It was freezing out, but I
had no choice; I had to keep moving. I wasn’t going to just
stop and let them arrest me. I got out and started walking.
Not long after, three guys in a pick-up stopped and let me
jump in the back of their truck.
I made it back to my Payday loan company where my
oldest son, Bobby, was. I told him I needed to borrow his car,
and I was on my way to Texas.
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CHAPTER 2
Back at Sedgwick County Jail
After being in the county jail for almost three months, I was
desperate to get out. I hoped to salvage my business, family
and life. It didn’t turn out that way.
When my name came across the loud speaker, I was
“rolled to go” in no time and standing by my cell door. All I
had were a few letters from my kids, some pictures I had
drawn, and a Gideon Bible. The Bible occupied most of my
time in jail.
While the other inmates were in the big day room, play-
ing cards and chess, or watching TV or in the gym playing
basketball, I used my time in county jail to read the complete
New Testament front to back, three times.
It’s funny how God works. I was an altar boy for eigh-
teen years, but never really read the Bible or got close to God
until I ended up losing everything and going to jail. I think
diving into the New Testament, inside my cell, was the only
thing that saved my sanity. It gave me hope in a hopeless situ-
ation.
As it would turn out, going to jail was my saving Grace.
It stopped me from dying in my addiction. Had I not gone to
jail, become an addict, went bankrupt and became homeless,
I would have also missed some of the miracles that I was to
experience. The only thing I wanted since I got put in jail, was
to get out of jail.
The guard would be right there as soon as a name was
called. I ended up in jail after Judge Martin found me guilty
of possession in the last of several court proceedings the pre-
vious December. Ever since my ex told me she no longer loved
me, got a restraining order against me, so I couldn’t go home
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Chapter 2
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CHAPTER 3
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Chapter 3
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Chapter 3
That was the way it turned out. Funny part was I had
already given a confession, claiming the drugs were mine, on
the drug case where, at trial, I was found “not guilty”. My
attorney, whom I had paid over twenty thousand dollars,
earned his money, getting me off on that charge with a “not
guilty” verdict, when I had confessed that the drugs were mine
to the arresting cops.
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CHAPTER 4
“Laham, roll to go.” Boy, was I ready. The way I felt about
being in jail was quite a contrast to that of some of the other
inmates who were in jail with me. Many of them seemed to
actually enjoy it and even liked being there. It was probably
one of the cleanest, nicest places many of them had ever lived.
Certainly, it was the safest. There were no bugs; it was cool in
the summer and warm in the winter. There were three meals
every day, almost no crime or violence, clean clothes, and a
private cell to live in.
During the day, the inmates were allowed to go to the
recreation room called the “day room” and watch TV, play
basketball, chess, cards, visit with each other and eat snacks.
It was funny that we could even get away with gambling while
playing poker.
Jolly ranchers were used for chips; the different colors
represented denominations. Reds were worth 5, greens 10,
orange 15, and yellow 20. Once in a while, one of the guards
would catch on and the game would be broken up.
Many of the inmates seemed to have been friends on the
outside. Some were in the same gangs, some were neighbors,
some were even related. Some of the inmates I knew from the
street. A few were dope dealers and others were drug users. Jail
is really an unavoidable part of where drugs always take those
who are involved with them: jails, institutions and death.
About every three hours, all inmates were to go into their
cells for a head count. Head count is just what it sounds like.
Each inmate would stand inside his cell with his head in the
door at a small window and be counted.
The air inside a jail gets very stale, and once a week, or
so we would be able to go out to a cement walled area with a
chain-link roof and actually get some sunshine and fresh air.
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from the doctor, take my u.a. and pass it. That would be the
last time I would use for the next two and a half years during
my probation.
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bond on my head. The bond was absurd. But that was Judge
Martin’s way of trying to make sure that if I was apprehended
by law enforcement, I would be held for Kansas to come and
get me.
I had a license to sell phone service in Texas and had
invited an old friend, John, to go into the phone business in
San Antonio with me. John was a friend for twenty years and
was more like a mentor. I had met him in 1978 in Wichita. At
that time, I had just turned eighteen and John was thirty-five
and very successful. Through working for John, I would get to
know his wife and kids, and they would become like a second
family to me.
John and his partner, Don, had just bought their first
Unimart franchise. Unimart was a “wholesale club”. At that
time at Unimart, we would sell a membership for over five
hundred dollars for people to come shopping in our catalogue
store. We would sell around two hundred memberships a
month. John and Don were each making over ten thousand
dollars a week. Back in the late 1970’s, that was an awful lot
of money.
Unimart was similar to Direct Buy. We had a telemar-
keting room that would call people up and offer a free gift for
coming in and seeing our new store. That was before the gov-
ernment’s No Call List. We had a saying in the phone room:
“Buy, die or disconnect.” We would call people over and over
until they finally came in, sometimes to just get us to quit call-
ing.
Once at the office, they were given a high-pressure sales
presentation that would last until they either bought the mem-
bership or got up and walked out. As sales people, we were
trained not to take “no” for an answer. I would eventually
assist John and Don in opening several “Wholesale Clubs”,
helping them both become millionaires.
Don was a real interesting guy and quite the business-
man, as well as being a self-made millionaire. Don had opened
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CHAPTER 6
The first stop I made when I ran from Kansas to Texas was to
get off the highway in the low-rent district in Dallas. I was out
of dope and had enough nerve, cravings, or stupidity to ask a
guy who looked like a gang banger, walking in what looked
like the “hood”, if he knew where I could score some rock,
i.e., crack. Turned out, he was familiar with “the game”, the
dope game.
Most of the time if you were to try to approach someone
you didn’t know and tried to get some drugs, and if you gave
that person your money, there was better than a fifty-fifty
chance that you would never see that person or your money
again. That may sound like a crazy thing to do, and it really
is, but when you’re craving drugs real bad, that’s just the
chance you take.
You may get robbed, mugged, your car stolen, or worse.
You may come up missing, never be seen again, or be found
dead. My new buddy got in the car, and we were off to the
dope house. My new “friend” and I hung out for a day or
two, scoring and smoking some dope, and checking out some
of the women who were hanging around in the crack alley
motel I had checked into.
He needed me because I had some money, and I needed
him because he knew where to get the dope, in a town I had
never scored in before. It was a mutually beneficial relation-
ship for a few days. He didn’t have any money, and I didn’t
have any dope, and we were both addicts.
I was still paranoid about running from Wichita, so I left
Dallas, and my new buddy, after staying up and getting high
for a few days, and headed to Houston.
It just so happened that when I checked into my hotel in
Houston, I thought I spotted some familiar cars in the parking
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Chapter 6
lot. They looked like the unmarked cars that were tailing me
the day I left Wichita.
There was a sheriff in the parking lot that night record-
ing the tag numbers of the cars that looked like the unmarked
cars I had eluded back in Wichita. I figured that they must
have been DEA and the cars that the Feds used looked alike in
every state. I would spend the next couple of weeks in the “big
city.” Houston was the biggest city I had ever been in, and I
fell in love with it. One of my favorite things about Houston
was at night when the sun was going down, and it was begin-
ning to cool off, the crisp clean smell of the ocean would drift
in. I loved the ocean and even the smell of it would give me a
little sense of serenity. Houston, what a great place!
My first order of business when I got to Houston was to
try to score some dope. There was usually dope in the strip
clubs. I found one called the Wild Zebra. It wasn’t all that
wild, but I did strike up a conversation with one of the
dancers who turned out to have a boyfriend who was a
dealer. He came through and I scored an hour or so later. I
headed for the hotel to feed my addiction. I was getting high
all the time. That was all I was doing. It was the only thing
that I could do to make the pain and fear subside.
I was self medicating. I couldn’t deal with the feelings of
losing my wife, kids, business, and being on the run as a fugi-
tive all at the same time. That would be the only time he
would score for me. Before long, I was out of dope and
searching all over for someone to buy from. I wasn’t having
any luck, and after a couple of days I was craving pretty bad.
For the non addict, the cravings would be similar to not eat-
ing for several days and starving.
The addiction started back in Wichita when I couldn’t
go home. I started staying out all night and getting pretty
heavy into smoking crack, although I didn’t realize I was
becoming addicted. I started hanging out in bars, looking
for love and companionship. I really didn’t have any luck
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Chapter 6
got in his truck and left. I figured it was safe enough at that
point, so I went inside.
We talked for a short while, then she asked if I smoked
crack and told me that was what she wanted to do. I told her
I did. She made some calls, and we headed out to score some
dope. Stephanie and I would spend the next two or three
weeks together.
Towards the end, of our using days together, we had
been up a few days straight, and I would end up passing out.
It was like sleeping, but more commonly referred to as a
“crack coma” when after the drug keeps you up several days
straight, the addict would succumb to sleep deprivation and
go into a very deep sleep, or possibly overdose and die.
Stephanie had outlasted me, stayed up longer, wanted more
dope, and ended up loaning my rental car to a drug dealer. He
never brought it back.
That was pretty common in the game. Lots of dope deal-
ers didn’t even have cars. The addict would run out of dope,
then loan their car to a dealer with the promise of the dealer
coming back with the car and some dope to give to the addict
as payment for use of the car. Lots of times the addict
wouldn’t see their car for days or even weeks, or maybe never
again.
It was the car I had left Wichita in and it eventually
turned up abandoned. It was a car that my oldest son, Bobby,
had rented. The car would end up being found abandoned by
the side of the highway. When the police had it towed, and
they found out who it belonged to, they called the local
Wichita rental company to tell them where their car was at.
The rental company must have been pretty surprised to learn
their car was in Houston. That really sucked. Now I was
homeless and carless, and ended up walking again for a few
days.
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CHAPTER 7
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Chapter 7
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CHAPTER 8
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Chapter 8
think I’d ever return from. The dope was the only thing that
made me feel me better.
Dying would have put an end to the pain of what I was
going through. It would also have freed me from active addic-
tion. Being dead, I’d no longer need the drugs to self-medicate
and make the excruciating pain of a shattered heart go away.
They ended up stopping before they killed me and called in an
ambulance. I demanded a police supervisor. I was screaming
and yelling, and people were starting to notice. A supervisor
showed up and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. The
ambulance driver suggested that I needed stitches.
I told the police supervisor, I wanted to file police bru-
tality charges against the cops for beating on me and bloody-
ing me up. He said that the cops told him that I had tripped
over a bush when I ran from them. What a bunch of lies. Too
bad I had no witnesses. I told him to forget it. He said he
would get me stitched up when I got to jail. I should have
gone to the hospital, but turned down his offer, and away I
went to jail. All they had was an outstanding warrant for me
for missing court in Kansas. That led to a search of the car,
thanks to Jimmy, I’m sure. They found a crack pipe I had
stashed under my seat. That eventually led to a felony posses-
sion charge.
The Harris County Jail in Houston was the most segre-
gated place I had ever seen. There were three floors. The bot-
tom floor where they took me to get stitched up was made up
of all African Americans. There was one Pakistani doctor
who took care of me. He was really nice and apologized for
the cops. He gave me an orange and some extra time to rest
before he called the cops to take me to get processed. After
getting stitched up, they took me up one floor to get
processed.
Next floor, all Hispanics; no Blacks, no whites, nothing
else, just Hispanics. I thought that was really weird. After get-
ting mug shots taken and being fingerprinted, they took an x-
ray. That was different. I had been in the Wichita jail several
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times but never x-rayed. It turned out that they took an x-ray
to look for swallowed evidence. After processing me through
the system, it was time to get a cell. I was almost looking for-
ward to it. I had been up for a couple of days and had been
through a lot in the last several hours. Final step through pro-
cessing was the top floor. Top floor; all white deputies. Really
weird how it was so segregated.
I got processed through to a cell and went to sleep. A
couple of hours later I was woken up to go to 2:00 a.m. night
court. That seemed strange, but there is so much crime in the
big city that they keep the justice system going around the
clock. Waiting my turn to go before the judge, I kept thinking
about God creating an earthquake and breaking the chains
and opening the cell door to release the Apostle Peter when he
was in jail. I was praying he would do something similar for
me.
I knew that Judge Martin, back in Kansas, had set a mil-
lion-dollar bond on me. I knew I wasn’t going to try to come
up with the 10%, or a hundred thousand dollars, to bond out.
I remember looking at the judge and noticing his eyes getting
bigger and bigger as he read the charges against me. He scrib-
bled something on my paperwork and set my bond at ten
thousand dollars.
My prayers had again been answered. I figured the Texas
judge must have thought there was an error in my Kansas
bond. After all, it was just for missing court.
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CHAPTER 9
I ended up bonding out the next day and left Houston for San
Antonio. I got a room once I made it to San Antonio and
headed for the nearest strip club, not far from my hotel, and
set out to score some dope. There was always dope in the
strip clubs. That’s why the girls danced. They couldn’t hold a
regular job due to the addictions, so they would dance at strip
clubs. There would be dealers hanging out at the clubs to sell
dope to the dancers.
There I ended up meeting an older, skinny Mexican man
with long hair and a mustache. He was sitting by himself and
appeared a little drunk, but I figured he would know where to
get some dope at. I struck up a conversation with him. His
name was Heimy. He was friendly enough. I bought him a
couple of beers and we talked. After some small talk, I got
around to what I wanted.
I told him I was ready to smoke some rock and asked
him if he cared to join me. That was my way of checking him
out to see what he would say. I knew if he said “no,” I would
move on, and if he said “yes” I would see if I could get him to
score for us. He said, “Sure.” Boy was I happy. I had been out
of dope for a couple of days and was really craving. We ended
up going a few blocks from the bar to his son-in-law, Ray’s
house.
It was about two in the morning at that time. We ended
up staying all night and going back to Ray’s at sunup for more
dope. Ray would end up being my number one connection
for the time I would spend in San Antonio. A couple of
months after I met him. I had to end up dropping the dime on
Ray. It was a necessary evil and was for his own good, but I
could never convince Ray of that.
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Chapter 9
was and couldn’t see him, but the guy in the cell next to mine
rolled an orange over to me. Oranges seemed to be the snack
of choice, or availability, in Texas jails. I remember being
thankful and thinking how somewhere inside this “prisoner”
there was a good person who had just got caught up in a bad
situation, and now he was in jail. All I knew was that he had
just done me, a total stranger, a good deed.
Heimi, his son Jesse, and I would spend the next couple
of months in cheap hotels, bars, and dope houses in San Anto-
nio. I would meet several girls along the way. Vanessa and
Rita were my favorites. Rita was a heroin addict, and Vanessa
went from smoking crack to shooting up. I never used a nee-
dle and didn’t like being around anyone who did. Probably,
one of the sickest things I had ever seen, was a guy named
Dale that was shooting up and couldn’t hit his vein.
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CHAPTER 11
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Chapter 11
aneurysm, go into a coma, and a week later they take you off
life support and, not long after that, they pronounce you
dead.
That is what is called “partying”. Some party, huh? You
start out doing it because others around you are doing it. Peer
pressure. You become addicted, not even realizing you can’t
stop. Some end up dying. Dying is a side effect of “partying”.
The dope accelerates your heartbeat. It would make it beat
faster and faster, one hit of dope after another, then in a lot of
cases your heart explodes, and you die that way.
After knowing Vanessa for a month or so, I decided I
wanted to go to Houston to try and open an office for my
almost defunct phone company. Vanessa, her mom, and I
were on our way to Houston in Calvin’s cab. I had been fool-
ish enough to trust Calvin. He took me everywhere, from
hotel to hotel every few days when I would move, even to
Ray’s dope house at all hours of the night and wee hours of
the morning.
Calvin would end up working for me and managing my
office in San Antonio. At one point, I gave him power of
attorney. Boy was that stupid. Worse than that, he was telling
me about a friend that he had who wanted some dope and
wanted me to turn him on to Ray. I didn’t, but should have
picked up on him being a nark at that point. Calvin would
just happen to be driving me the last two times, I got busted
in Texas.
We were on the highway to Houston, or so I thought.
Calvin just kept running his mouth, talking about nothing.
That wasn’t like him. He was usually pretty quiet. I should
have known something was wrong.
It turned out, he was just trying to keep my attention.
Next thing I knew, Vanessa was freaking out about a sheriff
car being right behind us. It didn’t really concern me. After all,
we were with Calvin in his cab. I still didn’t know Calvin was
a nark at this point though. Vanessa was a little smarter than
me. We ended up getting pulled over.
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I was really craving some weed and that was about the
only time in my life there seemed to be none to be found.
Maybe it was around but Jeff was really running me around
because he was trying to find what he was looking for and
had no other transportation except for me. I would drive and
he would go inside. He kept coming back empty handed and
just telling me there was no weed where we were going. Drug
addiction and lies go hand in hand.
I didn’t realize it then, but looking back now, that was
probably the first time that I was feeling the effects of addic-
tion. I thought I just wanted to get high really bad, but it was
really my addiction that kept pushing me to drive around and
keep looking for it. Jeff would eventually have me take him
home. He had probably scored some dope he was looking for
and just used me for a ride to get what he was after. He prob-
ably could have gotten me some pot all along.
A couple of weeks after that day, Jeff would die from his
disease. Unfortunately, his would not be the only death he
would cause. His friend and using buddy, Brad G., had been
in inpatient drug treatment and recently got out when Jeff had
Brad take him to get some dope for himself and Brad. Brad
would end up overdosing and dying. Brad’s family was
wealthy, and rumor had it that they blamed Jeff for Brad’s
overdose. They were going to try to have Jeff put in prison for
the rest of his life. No one could really blame them.
Jeff was poor and lived in his grandmother’s garage that
she had turned into a room for him to live in. I remember
going over there and seeing syringes sticking in the ceiling like
darts. That always gave me the creeps.
After Brad overdosed, Jeff was scared and freaked out,
thinking he was going to jail forever. Jeff was really using
heavy, and no one really knows for sure if it was suicide, but
Jeff would be found dead, bleeding from his eyes, nose, mouth
and ears from a drug overdose. He probably couldn’t face
what he had done, getting his friend the dope that had killed
him, or the fear of going to jail. He would use to try to escape
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Chapter 11
the reality of where the drugs had led and ended up killing
himself.
Over 30 years later there is still an active recovery home
for people wanting to get off of drugs and change their lives
named after Brad G. For Jeff, I imagine this will be the only
memory of him. God rest his soul.
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Chapter 12
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Chapter 12
that was a skit all about drugs. That would have been in the
early 70’s and drugs were just starting to come into the Mid-
west. The setting for our skit was at radio station T.O.K.E. At
the time, taking a “toke” meant smoking pot. Our toke radio
station skit had announcers with names like Bennie Barbitu-
rate, Ronnie Roach, and Valerie Valium. It was all set around
drugs and doing drugs. We would act like we were doing the
weather and say things like, “In the weather today, the highs
are going to get us really high, and the lows are going to be
taking some good downers.”
Most all the kids at that time were smoking pot before
school. When you would see another stoner in the hall, you
would say “hi” and they would say “gh” if they were a little
high or “lb”, like they had just smoked a pound of pot, if they
were really stoned.
That was back when it was pretty unheard of for such
young people, especially in conservative Kansas, to be that
knowledgeable about drugs. I was hanging out with the kids
who were using, but was still clean myself. I wouldn’t do
drugs until a few years later, but found it all very interesting
and entertaining. For a kid, getting away with something they
shouldn’t be doing, or at least being around people who were,
was half the fun.
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The peer pressure caught up with me, like most everyone else
who starts doing drugs. Now all my friends were doing it, so
I eventually started also. Had I changed the people I was
around, I may have never started. It is kind of like hanging
around a barber shop. If you hang out at the barber shop long
enough, eventually you’re going to get a haircut. By the time I
got started, it seemed like everyone was smoking weed.
This brings up an important point. The most critical
thing for a person who wants to get clean and sober and stay
that way is to disassociate and avoid at all costs, people,
places, and things that are, or were, associated with their
addiction—their old using friends, places, and anything and
everything else associated with their addition. In recovery, we
have a saying, “the only thing an addict has to change, to stay
clean is everything.”
Surprisingly enough, the Hispanic security guard at
school had the best weed. It was called “Vietnamese blue.”
The stuff would make you hallucinate. Then there was
African, Mexican, Ti stick, Buddha stick, Acapulco Gold, Red
Bud, Gold Bud and Rainbow Colombian, Afghanistan,
Jamaican—just all kinds of different weed, seemingly from all
over the world. Back then it was a lot easier to smuggle it into
America. I smoked pot almost every day for the next twenty
years with no real degree of problem, or so I thought.
I got hooked on it and didn’t feel “normal” unless I was
high. I was an addict and didn’t even realize it. Of course, as
it so often does, over time, the weed eventually led to the
harder drugs. That led to police, gangs, and all kinds of prob-
lems. Gang life in Wichita would introduce me to the Bloods,
Crips, Junior Boys, Folks, and Second Streeters. Many of
them were disadvantaged African-American kids who had
grown up together in the same neighborhoods and become
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Lots of the poorest parts of Wichita were just one drug shack
after another. I could go hang out and get high at one of these
dope houses, and the dope just seemed to show up. One day
there were what seemed to be a lot of dealers, maybe seven or
eight, who came by the back door of one of the dope houses
in the hood that I was hanging out in.
The next day “T” showed up to sell some dope, kind of
went crazy, pulled out a 9mm and started pointing it at every-
one in the room. T said if anyone wanted any dope that they
were to buy it from him and no one else, or else! T lived
behind the dope house I was hanging out at and could see
what was going on. I guess he figured this was “his” hood and
no one else was going to get “his money”. You would go to
his house, and he would have a table set up with lots of little
baggies filled with crack or pot.
It was his display table, you might say. I would buy the
dope and turn on the person at whoever’s house I was at. I
was about the only white guy in an all-black neighborhood.
That just happened to be where the dope was, and a few white
girls wanting to get high. Next time I saw T, he had brought
me some dope to a hotel I was staying at. After he left, the
cops rolled slowly by. That was the last time I saw T.
I ended up in the “hood” via a little dive in Wichita on
south Broadway named Billy’s. I had been to Billy’s years
before with a kid who worked for me by the name of Kevin
Paulley. Kevin worked for me as a furniture salesman in a
place called Bargain Time. Most of the Bargain Time stores
would be bought out by what is now Big Lots.
Bargain Time was a company that was owned by
Mechum Riklis. Riklis was known for marrying Pia Zadora,
also known as the “unknown actress.” Riklis was a billionaire
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was a smoker. Sometimes the sellers, like Jim, were also the
informants.
Jim was my first real connection. He would end up
narking on me more than once. He helped get me hooked by
selling me the dope, and then got me busted for using
it! Billy’s, what a place. They would occasionally find one of
their customers dead outside of the bar. Thank God I was
never much of a drinker. Alcoholism is a horrible addiction.
Alcohol is the “liquid drug,” no question about it.
I think I had fallen in love with Star. I met her about the
time my wife left me. Star was a really cute, petite blond with
pretty blue eyes. She always wanted to get out on her own, get
a job, get away from Jim, and clean up her life.
That is what a lot of addicts wanted—to get clean. A lot
of conversations among addicts are that they know they
should quit, and how they are going to. Problem is, they are
addicted and in most cases don’t understand or realize that
they have the disease of addiction. Or worse yet, are in denial.
They know they are addicted and say they could quit anytime
they wanted to. They just never do. The cravings from the
drug controls everything they do, their whole lives: looking
for drugs, using drugs, and finding ways and means to get
more drugs.
Addicts hardly ever quit on their own. They usually end
up dying from an overdose, or if they get lucky, they go to jail
instead of dying. That’s how they stop. Then they get out of jail,
use more, and then die or go back to jail. It’s really almost an
impossible situation. It is a vicious cycle, and a disease that too
often kills its victims, just like the disease of cancer. Like cancer,
addiction can be put into remission, but the addict will always
carry his or her disease. Sobriety is the addict’s only medication.
Prayer and finding a belief in a Higher Power is an immense
benefit to the addict and those that love and care about the
addict. If the addict finds a twelve-step group, gets clean, and
stays in recovery, there is still the chance for a better life than
the addict has ever known.
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I told Star I would help her get out on her own. I wanted to,
but things didn’t work out. Things got out of sorts between
Jim and I when he found out Star was having a romantic rela-
tionship with one of my occasional live-in girlfriends, Victo-
ria. I had never met anyone like Victoria. She would be the
first woman I would spend the entire night, and until sunup,
partying with. My wife had not let me live at home for over a
year, and I had nowhere else to go so I was just living out of
wherever I could. Usually sleazy hotel rooms. It was nice to
have some company, even if it was just another addict.
My wife, Cindy, and I had been together for 17 years. I
loved her with my entire heart, mind, and soul and did not
want to lose her. We fought almost the entire time we were
together, but I would have never left her. After she told me
every day for a couple of years that she did not love me, no
longer wanted to be with me, and wanted a divorce, I finally
gave up. When she got a restraining order against me, I could
not live at home or even see my kids. I was really lost and
lonely. Losing her and my kids drove me to use more and
more, trying to stay high continually, not wanting to come
down and face the reality of my family no longer being there.
Victoria was beautiful, and lived with a gorgeous strip-
per named Kristy. They were big time crack addicts. I met the
two of them through an old junior high friend from the
orchard, Theresa Casey. I hadn’t seen Theresa in 10 years, but
ran into her in a bar over by the orchard after Cindy kicked
me out of our home. Theresa liked smoking crack and intro-
duced me to her dealer Kristy. Kristy and Victoria were more
than “roommates,” they were lovers.
One night shortly after I met the two of them, I went by
their home and Victoria was standing outside yelling at Kristy
to let her in. It was Kristy’s home and she had kicked Victoria
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out that night. Lover’s quarrel. I took advantage and told Vic-
toria she could come to my hotel room, get high, and hang out
with me. She was happy to hear the offer and take me up on
it when she knew I had plenty of dope.
Kristy was dating an attorney and he would give her lots
of money, so she always had lots of dope and she would use it
to control Victoria. Kristy and Victoria could both make the
front cover of any men’s magazine. They were real show stop-
pers. They were both knockouts on their own, but when they
were side by side, there were no heads that they would not
turn.
They would get dressed up real sexy and I would take
them to their favorite gay, bar so they could dance together.
The gays and the straights would all stop, watch, and drool
over them. They loved the attention and got a lot of it. I am
sure they could have been very successful at whatever, they
wanted to do in life. It was too bad all they wanted to do was
smoke crack. Too bad they were addicts.
That is the problem with addiction, it ruins people’s
lives; many times very intelligent, talented, beautiful people.
Kristy ended up doing some serious prison time and having a
child by one of her dope dealers. Her attorney boyfriend got
hooked on crack as well, and lost his law license.
Not sure what became of Victoria. At one point, I had
gotten Victoria a little house on Volutsia in Wichita where she
could get out from under Kristy’s control. We would later find
out that the house was either where the infamous serial killer
B.T.K. killed one of his victims, or the house right next door
to it. Victoria moved out not long after we found that out and
that would be about the last time I would see her.
One night while we still had the house on Volutsia, Vic-
toria and Star were in the bathtub together and “Pops” came
by. Pops, a.k.a. Gary Washington, was a 70-year-old black
man who I had met when I first got in the game. Pops was a
really nice guy, and a great cook. He’d cook once in a while
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and invite me over to his house. I would get him high, he’d
feed me, and we would hang out for a while. He came by Vic-
toria’s and I told him to go and check out what was in the tub.
Victoria and Star were in the tub together. He came out
and told me that he had never seen anything like that and
could not believe his eyes and almost fainted.
It was really sad—Pops would end up getting killed, tak-
ing a bullet from some young gang banger who had just got-
ten out of prison. Pops was selling him some dope and I’m not
sure what exactly happened, but the young punk tried to steal
Pops’s dope. Pops went to wrestling with him and the punk
shot him. I guess Pops pretty much died on the spot. What a
sad end to the life of a really nice guy. That is life, and death,
in the game. The dope game always has a bad end: jails, insti-
tutions or death.
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customer should join, even though they did not want to. We
were trained to change the customer’s mind.
The two-hour presentation could take another two hours
of the salesman trying to talk the customer into finally say
yes. That would lead to a lot of customers regretting it the
next day. Some of those presentations would later turn into
complaints of “high pressure” at the local Better Business
Bureau, District Attorney’s office or maybe even the Attorney
General. The customer would sign a “non-cancelable” con-
tract and at times, the next day they would want to cancel but
were told they couldn’t. That would usually cause problems.
The B.B.B. has always had plenty of bad things to say about
these kind of wholesale clubs.
A couple of months after we opened in Omaha, I was
done one Saturday night at 9:30 or so, and went across the
street for something to eat and a drink. That night I had a
drug called a “downer”. Downer was the street name; it was
actually a prescription drug called a “Quaalude”. Taking a
Quaalude was similar to the feeling a person would get if they
just downed a twelve-pack of beer. If you were already feel-
ing happy, it would make you even happier. If you were sad
and took a Quaalude, you might start crying. For me, that
night, I was somewhere in between.
I had a good day and made around three hundred dollars
in commissions on the memberships I had sold. We would get
paid sixty dollars per membership. I had sold all five of my
appointments that day. On average, a good salesman would
sell 40% of his appointments each month. Everything was
great, but I was missing my girlfriend, Susie. When I moved to
Omaha, Susie and I decided we would stay together, even
though she was in Wichita and I was in Omaha.
Bad idea. Long-distance relationships between girlfriend
and boyfriend rarely, if ever, work out, especially back then. I
was still really just a kid exploring the world, looking to have
fun and looking at other girls. I think Susie was much more
dedicated than myself. We were close in age, but I have dis-
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covered that women seem to mature much faster than men do,
and possibly are more loyal in general.
I had a year-old 1979 Corvette. It was red with black T-
tops. It was a really hot and fast car for that time. I had taken
the Quaalude, had a drink, which enhanced the effect of the
drug. I was ready to go for a ride and smoke a joint in the
country. We were close to a highway that led out to the mid-
dle of nowhere. I could take the Corvette out and really get
my foot into it. I would drive it kind of stupid fast and am
lucky to be alive.
There was not much traffic where I was going, so I was
pretty surprised when far behind me I noticed flashing red
lights. In my intoxicated state of mind, I decide to floor it and
make a run for it. Before I stopped, I had gone through
Omaha, Douglas and Sarpy counties. There were around 40
cop cars when they finally caught up to me.
I had a pretty good lead on them, but noticed they were
no longer in my rearview mirrors and were not coming after
me. Something just did not seem right, so I just stopped and
before long they were all over me. I asked one, as he was
putting me in a squad car, why they had quit chasing me and
he told me that I was coming up on a curve and as fast as I
was going, they wanted to see if I would live through the
wreck I was about to have.
That would be the first time I would find myself behind
bars. The next morning I called Doug and let him know what
had happened, and asked if he would come and bail me out.
While waiting on Doug to get there I had breakfast with about
50 other inmates. It seemed like they were all giving me dirty
looks.
It was just the beginning of the Iran Hostage crisis in
1979. Anyone who looked different, especially Arab, at that
time was a bit of a target for abuse. I was thankful to have a
guard come for me right after breakfast. A few months later
I would go to court to face the charges. It would turn out that
a guy driving a red Corvette like mine had assaulted some girl
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in the area. Her boyfriend was looking for the guy and mis-
took me for him. He would get involved in the police chase.
He was arrested along with me. Turned out he had a 45 cal-
iber revolver in his car when the police stopped him right
before stopping me. Good thing the cops got to him before he
got to me.
I had hired an attorney and asked him what he would
charge to go to court and take care of the ticket for me. He
said it should be no problem and that he would look at it the
morning of the court date. He gave me a price and I paid him.
I think it was $150 back then. He said he would just see me
in court.
I didn’t see him again until the morning of court. I was in
the courtroom, and when he saw me, he looked a little dis-
gusted and motioned for me to go outside with him. He was
a little excited when he asked me about the six police road-
blocks I had run.
Thinking back now, I can still see them. The roadblocks
the police set were two white saw horses with a couple of
orange stripes on each one. They seemed to set them apart
with just enough room to swerve in between. That was the
way they did it 30 years ago when you ran from the cops.
Nowadays they lay down road spikes, and might even shoot
you.
Thank God, for me it was a little different world at that
time. By the time I quit running, I had driven through three
Nebraska counties. As one of the cops was putting me in a
squad car, I figured I might try to get out of going to jail and
asked him if we could talk about it. He almost acted like we
might, but then kind of snapped to, looked surprised and
strapped me in. I doubt they had many Arab looking,
Corvette driving, arrest resisters out in that part of the farm-
ing community in Sarpey County, Nebraska in 1979. That
would be the first, and last night I would spend in jail for a
long time.
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Doug came and paid the $300 that it took to pay the
10% of the $3,000 bond to get me out the next morning. John
had sent him down to the jail with the cash to make sure I got
out. It wasn’t that John was so concerned that I was in jail, as
he was that I was one of his best salesmen, and he didn’t want
to lose out on any sales I could be making for him. John was
already a millionaire at that time and was real good at mak-
ing money, and even better at saving it. I guess that is how rich
people get that way. John was generous in his own way. He
would often offer to buy me dinner, but we would end up
splitting a meal.
I thought John was tight, until I met his father. In the
late 90s, John and I were going into the phone business in
Texas. John’s dad lived just outside of Houston, so we were
spending the week with him. John’s dad, Al, was around 95 at
the time. One night Al was making us dinner, and I was boil-
ing some vegetables. When the vegetables were done I was
going to strain them, and pour the water down the drain in
the kitchen sink. Al stopped me and said, “Oh, Rick, don’t do
that. We can save that water and rinse the dishes with it.” It
became obvious where John got his frugal ways. Really nice
people, like family to me, but really conservative.
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into the path of an oncoming semi truck and had been killed.
I was told by a mutual friend that the police were looking for
Wendy. She and her mom were arguing before her mother
was killed, probably over some dope, and there was
a question of whether or not Wendy had maybe pushed her
mom in front of the oncoming semi. That was just one of the
mother/daughter using buddies I had. There was Tandy and
Julie, Vanessa and her mom, then there was the very nice
Mary. God rest her soul.
Mary had three very lovely daughters. Jeney, Janey and
Joney. Really a very nice family, except for the disease of
addiction. Jeney and Joney were addicts like their mom; Janey
would basically never use drugs, except to sell. Jeney and
Janey both “dated” professionally and had kids at a fairly
early age. Mary was a good grandma and helped the girls with
her grandchildren. If you met them and did not know they
were addicts, you would just think they were a nice family.
I “dated” Mary and her daughters Jeney, and Joney over
the period of about ten years, and was close to all of
them. Sadly, Mary died from a brain aneurysm a couple of
years ago. It was due to the disease. She was smoking crack,
got a bad headache, went to the hospital, went into a coma,
and never woke up. It was from the accelerated heart rate
weakening one of the capillaries in her brain, and it breaking
from the expanding blood flow of the cocaine making her
heart beat faster and faster with every hit off the pipe.
I am sure Mary is in God’s hands. She was such a sweet-
heart and a very nice person to everybody she came in contact
with. She and her daughters believed in God, as many addicts
do, and tried to function as a family. They were just involved
in and hooked on drugs. Mary had told me that her husband
had died from a big shot of cocaine when the dope made his
heart explode.
I don’t really believe in coincidences, but as I am writing
this tonight, December 16, 2008, my mother invited me over
for dinner. She showed me an article in the newspaper; it was
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for the attempted getaway. The other criminal this time hap-
pened to be me. I was clueless as to what Jeney was up to, or
that she was involving me in her boosting scheme. I am certain
she was trying to get me busted again. It would turn out that
Jeney was a top police informant. That would have been the
second time she got me busted, had she succeeded.
When she came running out of the store with her arms
full of clothes, I freaked out and just kind of sat there, look-
ing at her with my jaw dropped. She jumped in the car and
started screaming at me to take off, trying to tell me which
way to go to get away. I had a strong suspicion she was trying
to set me up, and went the opposite way of where she wanted
me to. She got really mad and started yelling at me to turn
around and go out the other mall exit. I knew then this was
another set-up. I took my own way out of the mall and got
away without falling into her scheme to get me arrested again.
It would turn out she worked with the cops a lot.
The first time she got me busted was one night when
Jeney and I had left the Wichita Host where her and Nathan
were staying. We had all been getting high, and Jeney for no
apparent reason started crying. She wouldn’t tell me why, just
something about Nathan. She asked me to take her to another
roach motel on Broadway a few miles away. I thought it was
unusual, but agreed. I was pretty new in the game at the time.
About a couple of blocks from where we had left the
Wichita Host, I noticed some headlights pretty far behind me,
but seemed to be coming up on us really fast. It was a Sunday
night and there was not much traffic on the road. We got to
the motel and started getting high when there was a knock at
the door.
“Police, open the door!”
That would be the first time I would hear that. I imme-
diately told Jeney to get away from the door and headed to the
bathroom to flush some dope and a pipe. No sooner had I
done that than Jeney was opening the door for them. That
night would be the first time I would be arrested for
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CHAPTER 22
The worst thing about being in jail was that I had no control
over my life. The guard told you when to get up, when to go
to bed, when to eat, when to take a shower, when to change
your clothes, when to make your bed, everything. Being in jail
I had no control over anything. Previously I had been in con-
trol over everything in my life, all my life. Being self employed
most of my life, I never had to answer to anyone and always
did what I wanted, when I wanted, the way I wanted, right or
wrong.
Now being in jail, it worried me sick how my family was
doing without me. I was a control freak all my life and espe-
cially when it came to my wife and kids. It was for a good
cause. I felt totally responsible for the success or failure of my
family. I wanted the best for my wife and kids and would do
whatever it took to try and give them the best life I could.
Before becoming an addict, for years I had worked 60 to 80
hours a week, enjoyed it, and didn’t think twice about it.
Life and business were different compared to the way
they are today. There was a lot of opportunity for a person to
find success in America from about the time I started working
in 1975 to about 1995. Starting with the end of the Viet Nam
War. A lot of people do not realize it, but that war was the
longest war that the USA ever fought, lasting from 1957 until
1975.
After it was finally over, there seemed to be a new opti-
mism, a good economy, and things were looking good for just
about everyone in America. The economy would slow a little
in the 80s but then into the 90s the personal computer and the
Internet would come into their own, and the dot com boom
would erupt, creating new wealth and opportunity.
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not sure how guilty they were. All I knew was that the Feds
didn’t seem to care about breaking the law, tampering with a
witness, and trying to scare me into delivering their false tes-
timony under oath for them.
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very close, as close as son and father could get. Being self
employed and having other people work for me, I had spent
most of every single day with him and his younger brother
Donny all of their lives as they were growing up.
I was really blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with
my kids. We would go fishing, hit golf balls, go to the park
and feed the ducks, play on the swings, and just have a really
good time. I really wanted to be a good dad. Biggest problem
was, I was always high on weed and kind of childish myself.
The addict does not think he or she is hurting anyone by
using drugs. That could not be further from the truth. As
addicts, we might not intend to, but we do great harm to our
husbands, wives, children, parents and friends when our
addiction takes us away from them, especially when it comes
to children. They are always the most innocent victims of the
addict. We do not mean to hurt them, but we do. As the old
saying goes, “We always hurt the ones we love.” What kids
really need most is our love, time and attention.
Most of what you are about to read comes directly out of
the pages of the diary I kept everyday while I was in jail and
will give you a good sense of daily life and the misery of being
behind bars.
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She told me that she just kind of lost it, and was out of
her mind for the next three or four years. She said one day she
lay down, and was crying, and remembered going into a
dream-like state. Just like Manuel had described to me, she
said that God brought her son to her.
God told her that everything was going to be okay, that
her son was with Him and that her son was happy in Heaven,
and everything was all right. I asked her what God looked
like.
She told me the only way she could describe God was
that there was an incredible white, bright “Light”. It was the
exact description Manuel had given me of his deceased son,
Tony, walking with the “Light”.
I had heard somewhere before in my life that God is the
Light of the world and that His face Lights up all of Heaven.
Now I had just heard, for the second time, a first-hand
account of it; from Niki several months ago, and now in jail
on Christmas Day from Manuel. Two totally different people
who didn’t know each other telling identical stories of God
and the mysterious “Light” that had come to comfort them at
the loss of their children.
As I am writing this seven years later in 2007, it was
recently on the news that the Mexican authorities had caught
the shooter who killed Manuel’s son and that they were work-
ing on getting him back to America for prosecution. Thank
God.
As it would turn out, a couple of years later, at the final
editing and preparation for publishing of Part 1 of Immacu-
late Recovery, now in 2009, I would hear the third description
of the Light. Again from someone who knew nothing of the
first two events or people who had described their experience
with the Light to me.
This time it was from my cousin Anna, and her account
of seeing her dad and my dear Uncle George. Uncle George
had gone to be with the Lord a couple of years ago. Anna had
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just sold her dad’s home and was having a hard time letting
go.
Anna told me the account of how she found herself
involved in a vision, where she felt like she could see her dad
on a small flight of three stairs and that he was ascending up
the stairs into a Light. As he ascended into the Light, she could
see that he was happy and at that moment a feeling of peace
and serenity finally came over her, and she felt like she could
move on with her life. May we all someday see the “Light”.
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deputy why and she told me that they had someone coming in
that was on suicide watch and he would be put in cell #30.
Wondered if they had had me on suicide watch.
Thank God, that was one thing I would never do. I
always believed it was the only unforgivable sin. Scripture
says that all things are possible through God. So if you know
the Scripture, as I did, to kill myself would have been blas-
phemy, saying God did not exist and that there was no hope,
not even in Him. I was hopelessly addicted, bankrupt, in jail,
but I still had hope in Him. As it turned out, He would never
let me down.
Growing older, I came to believe that when a person,
especially a young person, takes their own life, that God may
have redemption for that person, especially if that person
loved God. It is just so heartbreaking that the person that
takes their own life does not understand that there are people
who love and care about them, and that things can and will
get better. God willing, someone reading this right now will
realize this and change their mind, and also think about how
bad it would hurt the people that are left behind.
On “suicide watch,” they would put you in a cell with
nothing but a paper jumpsuit. That way, it would be next to
impossible to do harm to yourself. I wasn’t suicidal and was
happy to move. There was an advantage to being in cell# 20,
up. The AM radio stations came in better. Spending all my
time in my cell, having a radio to listen to was a big deal.
There were many nights where late-night radio put me to
sleep.
I always tried to make sure I had good back-up batteries
for my radio. They could be ordered from Commissary. One
thing I did learn while I was in jail, was that if the batteries
were dead they could be revived by putting them in hot water
for a while, maybe 20 to 30 minutes, and interestingly
enough, that would bring a dead battery back for an hour or
two. Something about the old saying, “necessity is the mother
of all invention”.
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4:00 P.M. Back from court. Jan 23rd new sentencing date.
More waiting, lots of waiting in jail. The Texas fugitive war-
rant that Governor George W. Bush finally got around to sign-
ing, was in. My first appearance in court on that was at the
same time, only it was in video court.
In video court, there might be eight or ten other inmates
in one room, similar to an enlarged cell. Each inmate would
wait their turn to step in front of the video camera and talk to
the judge about what they were charged with. I was charged
with possession of cocaine.
What was really bizarre to me was that in the same room
with me was one of the two Carr brothers. No handcuffs or
shackles, just in there with me and a dozen other inmates in
the same holding cell. The Carr brothers had just been picked
up and brought in on murder charges.
Carr was sitting on the floor a couple of feet away from
me. I thought about going over and kicking his face into the
wall really hard. A couple of months before, four people were
murdered, two men and two women. It was the Carr brothers
who did it, and as of this writing, both of the Carr brothers
are sitting on death row awaiting execution. Thank God their
fifth victim, another woman, survived and lived to identify
them.
There I was in the same room with one of the Carr
brothers for video court. How messed up was that. I was a
drug addict. Carr had killed four innocent people, attempted
to murder another, and Carr and I were being treated as
equals.
Kyle, my attorney, was in the courtroom with the judge
and when I came in front of the camera, he put in a not guilty
plea for me on the Texas charge. I called his office at 5:00 P.M.
to see where the Texas case would go from there. Both of my
parents were at his office.
Turns out things were moving in the direction of me get-
ting probation in Kansas. My lawyer was making a big deal
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few days or many years to live, life really goes by pretty fast,
and it really is not that long at all. As we grow older and the
years begin to fly by, we realize that we too, like time, will be
gone. Perhaps at some point, we all begin to wonder what the
meaning of our life really is.
Maybe God gives us time on this earth to see what we
will do while we are here. We experience the happiest times,
as well as the most excruciating pains of life. Maybe a preview
of how we could spend eternity, Heaven or hell, depending on
what we do while we are here.
There was a man that worked for me as a salesman at
one of the wholesale clubs that I owned in the small town of
Mineola, Texas. His name was Phil Carroll. Phil told me that
his name meant “Song of Love.” Phil explained that there was
a language in which his first name, “Phil,” meant “love” and
his last name, “Carroll,” meant “song.” Out of the hundreds
of salesmen that I had ever employed, Phil was probably
about the best. Phil had medical problems, and told me that
he thought he was dying from AIDS.
He told me that he thought that we all had already died
and gone to hell. He felt nothing could be worse than the
emotional pain that we experience in our lives here on earth.
Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a relationship gone bad,
or some other devastating event that we all experience at some
point in our lives. Phil thought that this was as bad as it could
ever get, and could not imagine anything worse.
One of the most amazing things that I had ever seen, in
my entire life, happened when Phil took me to a large old
abandoned Victorian-style house in Mineola. It was built in
the late 1800s by then-Texas Governor Jim Hogg. There was
a joke about Hogg having two daughters, one named Ima
Hogg and one named Ura Hogg. He did have a daughter
named Ima Hogg. As for Ura Hogg, I think that was just folk-
lore.
Phil told me that Governor Hogg’s old house was in bad
need of repair, and was for sale. He said that in front of the
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old house grew the second largest Magnolia tree in the state of
Texas. Phil had a plan that if we bought the home, we could
get a historical grant from the government for $50,000 to fix
the place up, and turn it into a bed and breakfast inn.
His plan never developed, but while we were there look-
ing the place over, something amazing happened. There was
an upstairs room where the windows were all broken out. On
one of the windowsills, there appeared to be two birds sitting
on the ledge. On the floor a couple of feet below the win-
dow sat a cat. Upon closer examination, we discovered that
the two birds were dead.
The cat had eaten everything except for the top half of
the birds and had left the heads, necks, rib cages, wings, and
feathers intact, and had actually perched the birds’ dead bod-
ies on the windowsill, creating perfect “decoys.” The cat was
crouched down on the floor below the windowsill, waiting for
another bird to come, and land with the decoy birds so the cat
could reach up, and snatch the unsuspecting live bird, and
have it for lunch. Incredibly smart cat.
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The time I was spending in jail seemed like the biggest waste
of time to me. All I could do was worry for my family, who I
loved and cared for more than anything. I had always been in
a hurry, trying to work harder and faster to make more
money, and do good to provide for my family. I was always in
sales of some sort. The more sales I made, and the faster I
made them, the more money I could make, at times working
12 to 14 hours a day.
I decided while being stuck in jail, the one thing that was
much more important than money was time, and at the end of
life, we would not want more money, but more time. Maybe
time to try to change some of the things we had done in our
lives. Time to do some things we never did, or time to finish
some things we started. Time to tell someone something we
felt we should tell them. Time to make amends with a loved
one or just tell them how much we loved and cared for them.
Time is truly the coin of our lives; we should consider care-
fully how we should spend it.
01-09-2001 10 A.M. Tuesday, Chapel day. Get out of my cell
and go to Chapel. Always a nice break from the monotony of
being in jail, doing nothing.
2 P.M. waiting to see a psychologist to see if he can give me a
recommendation to go to impatient treatment. Lots of waiting
in jail. If you don’t have patience, go to jail and you learn
some.
In treatment they would teach that all addiction ends in
three places: jails, institutions and death. Thank God I was
still alive. I ended up in jail and that was bad enough, but
there were worse ends that drugs lead to. The worst one that
drugs and addiction lead to, which there is no hope of recov-
ery from is death.
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phone lines for the last hundred years, they would make a deal
with the government that if the government would let S.W.B.
back in the long distance market, that S.W.B. would open
their local residential and business markets up to competition.
That is what brought about companies like MCI, Birch, Sage
and others that got into the local phone service. Supposedly
by 2001, Bell was no longer a monopoly, and they were
allowed back into the long distance market since they had
“opened” their local markets to competition. Nothing was
further from the truth. I knew first hand. In 1998, I had
become an owner of one of the companies that they were now
falsely claiming that they were inviting competition from.
My journal that night read “Need to sue SBC.”
Several months earlier, S.B.C. had turned down a
$180,000 payment on a $350,000 bill that my little “compet-
ing” company owed them. They didn’t want or care about the
money. All they cared about was putting my company, and
every company like it, including big companies like MCI, out
of business and regaining their monopoly status.
6:45 P.M. Commissary came. Having a “good day” in jail.
Got Commissary, kids coming to visit. God was still blessing
me. Sometimes we are moving so fast in this life that God is
blessing us and we fail to realize it, and see the small miracles
that happen in our lives.
10:30 P.M. Cindy, Johnny, Donny and my mom came to visit.
Mom cried. Parents do that when they see their kids in jail.
Pretty hard on them. Kids looked good. I hope them seeing me
here would keep them on the straight and narrow, so they never
end up in this situation. Cindy said Detective Marek was want-
ing to question her over the collapse of our Payday Loan Com-
pany. Our ex-partner, Ed, seems to think we embezzled money.
Funny, it was our money. I imagine Ed is just trying to figure out
what happened with me. He wasn’t aware I had got into drugs,
and the divorce between Cindy and I.
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8:00 Back from Chapel. Guard says I haven’t been called for
family visit? Wonder if the guard is right, or just being stupid
as usual.
9:00 Kids came to visit. Johnny has spiked his hair! Told him
I did not care for it, he did not like hearing that. Almost 13
years old and definitely has a mind of his own.
9:15 Listening to radio. Freebird and then Big Pimpin!
02-01-2001 3:45 A.M. Having a hard time sleeping. Worried
about Johnny. All F’s on his report card?! Spiked hair?! Nail
polish?! Poor boy, Cindy must really be neglecting him. She
thinks by destroying everything I love that she is somehow
hurting me, what a fool. Poor Donny, Bobby and her. Won-
dering about getting an apartment, house, money, lawyer
being a crook, hungry. Trying to see the future. Need to leave
it in God’s hands.
10:00 A.M. Went to court to waive jury trail on other dope
case. I think the judges look favorably on that. That way they
do not have to go through all of the trouble of calling and
picking jurors. They may give a little leniency for those who
waive their right to a jury trail, as not to put anymore pressure
on the legal system than already exists. Maybe it is because
my lawyer has to do less? Lawyer says doctor be in to see me
(this week?) other dope case set for 22 or 23 of this month.
Texas case got continued until cases here in Kansas finished.
2:30 went out of cell at noon played cards with Cecil and
Alanzo, then basketball. I was really down and upset after see-
ing lawyer, finding out Texas case was not dismissed.
02-02-2001 7:00 A.M. Started Old Testament. It’s Friday.
Linens day. Stayed up to turn in linens, clean room, might take
a shower. Getting over Cindy. What a disaster, God help her
and the boys. Thank God for their Grandma and Grandpa!
Please get me through this Lord, Amen.
2:30 Called lawyer, finally got through to him. Told him I was
very unhappy with him. Told me I could fire him any time.
Course now he had all my money, jerk.
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9:15, 9:30, 10:00, 10:15 never took my call. Very cold and
snowy out. Please God, take care of my loved ones, amen.
6:30 Talked to Mom at 5:30. Mom talked to Dr Harrell. Gave
Harell half the money he wanted and he is taking the rest in
payments over 4 months. Had to pay the thief to give me an
evaluation I should have had from the State for free. Theif.
Dad wrote him a check. This is all such a scam! Johnny and
Donny looking for my baseball cards for Bobby to put on the
Internet for sale to raise some money. Need to write Bobby.
8:30 Cleaned room, wrote Bobby, no envelope, great.
10:30 Been out trying to hustle up an envelope, finally traded
a bag of BBQ chips for one. Cecil grabbed the empty cup I had
with me and poured me half of his cup of coffee. Nice of him.
1200 midnight, Mike Marler, never talked to me before, (2
months) watched a little golf with me, told me a joke, went
something like this. “Moses, Jesus and this ‘other guy’ were
playing golf. Moses tees off, hits a hook and goes to the left,
lands in a river, Moses parts the water and hits his ball up on the
green right by the hole! Jesus tees off, hits a slice to the right. His
ball lands on a log in a pond, He walks on the water, hits his ball
and it lands on the green right by the hole! The other guy gets
up, hits his ball, his ball hits the club house, bounces off a car,
goes in the lake, lands on a frog sitting on a lily pad. The frog
jumps up, an eagle sees it, swoops down and grabs the frog, car-
ries the frog and the ball up in the air, the ball falls off, lands on
the green, bounces up, hits the flag and drops in the hole! Jesus
turns to Moses and says, ‘There goes Dad showing off again!”
Best golf joke I ever heard. God bless us help us, and pro-
tect us all, amen. Marler also told me under the new law, if
you go to the penitentiary, they cut your time in half and take
15% off for good time!
2-10-2001 Slept from breakfast until lunch.
12:15 P.M. called and talked to Mom. Some guy at church
had problems similar to mine. Said he got his time cut in half.
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Strange I just heard that from Marler the day before, must be
some truth to it. Mom was doing fine, thank God!
Another day in jail. Saturday. Golf on TV. Monday Dr Harell
should be here. Hope to go home shortly there after. Texas
warrants???
6:45 Been out, watched golf, ate. Thursday, February 15 will
be 2 months in here, what a bunch of crap! It’s been an edu-
cation.
10:30 Been watching XFL first overtime in the new XFL
league history. Might go back out for late nights. Monday is a
holiday, no mail, Presidents Day. Dr Harrell better show up.
Wondering how much longer I’ll be here. Then go to trial in
Texas? Hope kids and folks ok.
11:25 went out for late nights. Worried about Johnny. No
school Monday. He has been suspended for a week. Can’t
believe they can keep kicking him out like this, poor boy, God
help him. Amen.
02-11-2001 1 P.M. Had breakfast, slept until lunch. Back in
room after lunch, waiting until 2 or 3, golf on then, read Old
Testament, listen to radio, trying to wait it out!
6:30 Watched Phil Mickelson beat Frank Likliter with a dou-
ble bogey! Probably the only time ever a double bogey won a
PGA play off! Saw a little history?
02-12-2001 6:40 A.M. Up for breakfast. Boiled egg and some
sort of flesh (ham??) gave it away. Ate a little cereal and milk.
Need out! God bless and protect my family this week, Amen.
1:15 Been waiting on Harrell. Had lunch, have headache, just
waiting, Harrell probably won’t show. Tried Kyle- call not
accepted.
3:30 Harrell showed about 2:15. Said I’d probably be put in
some sort of half way house or rehab program. Will type
report and get with Kyle tomorrow.
6:00 Had dinner sucked. In room just waiting until whenever
to get out of here. Read, listen to radio, rest.
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10:30 Been out in big room. Talked with Dank, Outlaw, and
Cecil. Knew Dank from the Second Street set of the Junior
Boys.
Tuesday 02-13-01 640 A.M. Been out to breakfast. ½ a bis-
cuit, oatmeal, yuck. Listened to Outlaw “preach”. Linens day.
Need to stay up to turn in linens, Church at 9:30 . Shower?
2:30 P.M. Stayed out after lunch. Talked to Outlaw and Psy-
cho. Tried Kyle. Outlaw seems to think giving Johnny a gun
broke the law. Uh oh.
6:30 Called Kyle, didn’t accept call. Talked to Mom, got my
letter, hasn’t heard from Kyle or Harrell. Talked to Donny. In
trouble at school for not “co-operating”?!?? Johnny doing ok,
Bobby ok, Cindy still hasn’t done anything to try to sell my
baseball cards.
10:30 went down and watched news. Trying to keep my mind
off things. Being in jail. Hungry. How sad. God give me
strength, amen.
02-14-2001 615 a.m. Valentines Day. Ordered Commissary.
Been up since 430 a.m. or so, worried about boys, folks, God
help them, amen.
2:00 P.M. Got up, went out for lunch. Back in room waiting
for Commissary. Officer Conklin gave me a “friendly
reminder” to make my bed. Instead of 24 hour lock down.
Guess he thinks he is being a nice guy. Very upset I am still
here. Cecil and St Louis left yesterday.
6:30 P.M. Talked to Mom, she talked to Sherri at Kyle’s
office. Kyle talked to Harrell and Kyle wants Harell to make
some changes in his report. Trying to get child endangerment
case dismissed.
02-15-2001 640 A.M. Cold in here. Talked to Johnny and
Donny last night. Donny eating brisket, so he was happy.
Johnny told Cindy to shut up, when she was talking ugly to
me on the phone. She practically threw the phone at him, and
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told him he would “regret” telling her to shut up. Poor boy.
God help her, she is really sick.
Court tomorrow for child endangerment.
02-16-2001 11: 30 A.M. Court was a disaster, found guilty on
2 counts of child endangerment. Now found guilty on the pre-
vious dope felony and this misdemeanor. Kyle said something
about appealing it. Cindy wasn’t even in court. Had Bobby
bring Johnny and Donny. How sad.
3:30 Not doing great. Wrote Bobby, Johnny, Donny, told
them thanks for going to court and they did great. God help
me. Wrote Kyle also.
6:30 Tried Kyle at 4:40, didn’t accept call. Mom not home,
this sucks and really have to wonder about Kyle.
12:00 midnight. Been out for late nights. Cold in here. Trying
to keep my faith. God help me, protect my family, amen.
02-17-2001 12:00 noon Had lunch. Got copy of USA Today.
Came to room to read. God help my family, amen.
1:00 Called and talked to Mom, she sounded good, said Dad
was better. She tried Kyle and Texas attorney Bill Stradley, no
answer.
2:30 Back in room. Talked to Cindy. She going to SRS to
apply for welfare and help with the bills.
9:00 P.M. Been out since 4ish, had shake down at 7:30 this
morning. 3 or 4 extra guards. Inmates went to gym and
guards went through all rooms. I had a “trash sack,” “altered
radio,” “unauthorized container with snack trail,” guards
should have taken all, they didn’t take any! Seemed like they
ate some of my snack trail though!!!? Weirdoes. Probably felt
guilty after they did that, so they left my stuff alone, have
some scriptures an pictures of Church on walls. Thwarted off
their evil spirits. Tonight watched Steve Martin movie Trains,
Planes and Automobiles. Never laughed so hard in a long
time. Thank you Lord.
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6:30 A.M. Back from breakfast at 6:15. Guard said it was too
noisy. Great. Gotta stay up till 7:00 for head count. This really
Sucks!!!
830 Shaved, took shower, turned in linens.
9:00 tried Kyle’s, didn’t take call
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9:30 Tried Kyle’s. Didn’t take call. Going to Chapel. Lord pro-
tect my loved ones, amen.
11:00 Back from Chapel, nothing too exciting, feel a little bet-
ter, wait on lunch, linens, call Kyle later.
12:00 Had lunch, cold in here, waiting for linens to come
back.
1:55 Tried Kyle’s, 2 times didn’t accept.
2:00 Tried Kyle’s, 2 times didn’t accept.
2:15 Couple of “brothers” say they gonna beat me up if I
don’t pay Rockey’s store bill to them. Let Taylor (guard)
know. Tried Kyle. Really need to talk to Kyle or Sherri. Didn’t
accept.
3:30 Tried Kyle, didn’t accept call.
6:00 Called Mom at 4:45 . She’s feeling better, Dad throwing
up yesterday. God help him. Talked to Donny, he not feeling
well, stayed home from school. Johnny suspended again,
Cindy out till 4:00 A.M. Saturday night. God help my boys,
Lord please get me out of here!!! Amen.
7:30 Tried Kyle at home, didn’t accept. Called Mom, had her
call, talked to him, sounds like he has some plans. Maybe he’s
trying to cover his butt from me suing him?! Had her call
Cindy. She is being obnoxious. Johnny didn’t go to school, she
said “he didn’t have a ride”! Idiot.
9:30 P.M. Got through to Johnny and Donny. Johnny asked
about what they’ll do to me cause I lost in court. Told him it
would be ok. Donny had not been feeling well. Cindy spouted
off, “Yes, you were, you just didn’t want to go to school.” She
hurt his feelings. WITCH. God help me get out of here to save
those kids!!! Please. Amen.
02-21-2001 640 A.M. Court on dope case tomorrow. I pray
everything turns out ok. Amen.
6:30 P.M. Didn’t realize the day had gone by. Talked to Mom
at 4:40. Donny didn’t go to school, again! No ride??? Tried
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Kyle, didn’t accept call. Mom tried Kyle and Sherrie. Wouldn’t
take call.
8:45 Back from visit. Johnny and Donny look good! Cindy
looks like she has a beer belly or pregnant or just gaining
weight. Johnny and Donny are going to help me sell baseball
cards. Talked about court tomorrow. God help me get out of
here for them! Amen.
02-22-2001 7:40 A.M. Guard called me for court.
4:00 P.M. THANK THE LORD!!! NOT GUILTY!!! TRIAL
9:00 A.M.- 4: P.M. !!! THANK YOU JESUS. Psalm 70, turns
out they got some lab specialist, another cop, and they even
had the cop who arrested me who was off the force and had
moved to California, come back to testify against me. They all
became confused!!! Evidence bags mislabeled etc!!! Psalm 70!
Thank you Lord!
That was a dope case where I had already confessed to
the drugs being mine. About a quarter ounce of crack cocaine.
Angel and Trichell and I had been at Angel’s home in Plain-
view. Plainview was one of the lowest rent districts in Wichita.
It was built during World War II, and was military housing at
that time. For the past 50 years, it was about the cheapest
place to rent a home, so it attracted a lot of lower income
recipients, unemployed and drug dealers.
Trichell, Angel and I had planned on going and getting a
room that night, and doing some partying. Angel took an
hour to get ready and I should have known something was up
then. It would turn out that Angel was an informant. Once we
left Angel’s house, and got a block or two away, a police car
got behind me. We went for about a mile and every turn I
made, the cop car followed. After three or four turns, it was
red lights and sirens right behind me. When I got out of the
Durango I was driving, the cop grabbed me, pushed me
against the car, and went to searching me. He started to reach
in my pocket, and I took off running. I needed time to toss the
dope I had on me. The cop ran after me, and eventually I came
to a fence I couldn’t get over. He caught up, hit me with his
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billy club, and we went back to his squad car. On the way
back to his squad car, he found the dope he saw me toss.
When we got to the police station, I confessed to the dope
being mine. It was a miracle to hear the judge announce me
“not guilty,” when I had already confessed, and claimed the
dope that the cop had found.
9:30 P.M. God bless Judge Vinning. Judge told prosecutors
that he thought they could have proved their case, but did not,
so he was finding me not guilty! Thank God!
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5:00 Tried Mom. Phone in jail not on, will go out and try
again.
6:15 Back in room. Tried Kyle’s, didn’t take call. Still can’t get
through to Mom. Had dinner. Yech. Wonder if kids coming
for visitation. Streets slick.
7:00 Not going to Chapel, wait to see if kids come. Not sure
exactly what time it is, clock not working.
Kids, Mom, Cindy just left. Kind of got into it with
Cindy. Being a witch. Mom got my $10k from bonding com-
pany. Thank You Lord! Amen. Please God let them have a
safe trip home. Cindy says she has to move to Memphis, no
money. Says her mom will support her if she moves (sure!)
Told her I’d give her $2000, she said that should work. Said
she makes too much money to get welfare SRS told her. Have
to get out of here! Need to help support her and kids.
03-01-2001 9:00 A.M. Went to video court on city case. Set
for March 20, going back to sleep.
2:00 P.M. Been out, everything I hear says I have to be
allowed probation.
10:30 P.M. Been out since 4. Hanging out w/ Outlaw. He’s
leaving Sat, so been hanging out with him, he really likes that.
He is a big, muscle-bound, older black guy. Did several years
in federal pen for breaking his cousin out of jail! Mellowed
now he says. Talked to Mom, she’s good, Dad so so, talked to
Johnny and Donny, doing good. Thank you Lord, please help
dad, watch over mom, boys, Loretta, Ron, their boys and
Cindy. Help me get out of here ASAP amen.
03-02-2001 6:30 A.M. after breakfast, yech! Working on flyer
for wholesale club I want to try to get back into to make some
money when I get out of here.
11:30 Been sleeping, getting up and around.
2:30 P.M. Back in room. Been out working on flyer w/Outlaw.
Showing it around creating much excitement. Looking real
good! Tried Kyle 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, 2:30 didn’t take calls
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7:00 Talked to Mom, have not heard from Kyle. Tried Kyle at
home 4:30 and 7:00 at home, not talked to him.
9:00 P.M. Been talking to Deputy Gradine, Jewish guy, about
the Bible for 1 hour. Thank you Lord, I needed that!
10:30 Outlaws last night. I probably won’t be out much after
tonight. No one here I really want to talk to.
03-03-2001 Sister’s birthday, Happy birthday Loretta, God
bless you! Amen.
12:00 A.M. Been out for late nights Friday, Outlaw made
soup, “last supper”. We laughed about Dr. Harrell’s crazy
report, visited about Everett Lee, the other inmate Outlaw and
I were hanging with until Everett left.
8:30 A.M. Outlaw woke me up at 7:30, he supposed to leave
at 8 or 8:15 . Told him he better check what was going on, he
didn’t seem too concerned. Seems like he likes it here, weird!
I guess that is what they mean when they say a person
becomes institutionalized. They get to where they actually like
being in here. How sad.
12:30 Had lunch, yech. Outlaw still here. I’d be raising hell,
he is pretty cool about it?!
2:30 Talked to Mom. She ok, Dad ok. Going to look at new
cars. Left message on Kyle’s office recorder, his home phone
still busy. Called Cindy, she hung up on me, mom wouldn’t
call her back, hung up on Mom.
5:40 Going out for chow.
10:30 Outlaw still here. He thinks maybe he lost some good
time.
Thinking what to do about Cindy, God help her. Amen.
She’s so hateful to me. How could she, why would she. Some-
thing seriously wrong w/her. Said she’s too busy to call Kyle
during day. Guess her $8.00 hour job is worth more than me,
unbelievable. She says money’s is not important. She sure is
miserable without it though. God help the kids, forgive me for
hanging up on Mom. God bless my loved ones, amen.
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03-04-01 7:00 P.M. Been in and out all day. Outlaw still here.
Walked in the gym for 30-45 minutes. Sort of have a
headache. So sick of this place! Not much happening today,
Sunday. Will try to get Kyle to answer tomorrow.
10:30 P.M. Went out for news, world getting crazy, lots of
fires, had a cup of coffee and a piece of a doughnut I had
saved from breakfast. God bless my loved ones. Amen.
03-05-01 5:45 A.M. It sucks when breakfast comes on time (
5:30 ) have to wait up until 7:00 for headcount. This place is
so full there were almost no chairs, what a joke! God help my
loved ones, keep them safe, bless them and get me out of here!
Amen.
12:00 Slept from breakfast to lunch. Back in room right after
lunch. Beginning to wonder if Kyle is doing anything.
2:45 Left message for Kyle to try for a retrial on the dope case
I lost.
4:00 P.M. Called down to get out of room, idiot guard said I
called too late, now can’t get out of cell until 5:00.
7:00 Called and talked to Mom, SBC left message on her
recorder that I owe 33K for office in Texas, going to collec-
tion.
8:00 Been working on ides for stuff to sell on internet. Will
pay SBC in Texas . Will make millions on Internet. WILL
COME BACK FROM THIS. GLORY TO GOD. GOD BE
WITH ME.
03-06-01 9:45 A.M. Took shower, forgot to shave, too late to
get razor now.
God help my loved ones. Amen.
2:00 Came up to use phone, Guard Conklin coming up stairs,
asked him to let me in my room (toilet won’t quit running
since 12:00 told him that). He lets me in, sees pictures and
scriptures on metal shelf, locks me down till shift change with
toilet running full blast. Requested Grievance form and to
speak to Sgt.
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2:15 Said he’d tell 2nd shift to let me out early, if I behave.
Told him I wanted to speak to Sgt, he said Sgt knows about
the toilet. I told him Sgt doesn’t know about me being locked
in here with the toilet running!
2:35 Conklin turned off water?
6:30 God takes such good care of me. Out of coffee, Terrance
(black store man in a wheel chair) (nice guy) gave me couple
of cups, out of food, traded Outlaw potato salad (Yech) for
Brownie! Tried Mom 4:40-5:15 no answer, probably with
Uncle Mike and Debbie. Tried Kyle 4:50 didn’t accept.
8:30 Talked to Cindy. Johnny at friends, said hi to Donny, he
had friend over, Bobby at work, he’s behind on truck pay-
ment, bank closed his checking account, sounds like his
credit’s getting all messed up, great. Told Cindy that is bad
news, she says nothing she can do, tried talking to him. I’ll
talk to him tomorrow. Deville (attorney) called house today,
told her to call him, told her I’d give her 7500 if we get
money and what to tell attorney. Told her to check with Dad
on “talking” watches to sell on internet and to get me cata-
logue, she said she would. Now that she has cost us every-
thing, she’s ready to cooperate, great. God help to save this
family. Amen.
03-07-01 1:30 P.M. Been out since lunch, walked in gym, guy
in there smoking. Turns out he is Mike Phillips (dope dealer)
Phil’s cousin. Small world.
6:30 Talked to Mom, called SBC lady, not there, talked to
Donny, nothing on baseball cards yet, got Commissary, called
and left message at Kyle’s. Computer shows sentencing on Fri-
day on case I lost on only. This sucks. God please get me out,
Amen.
8:40 Kids and Cindy came at 7:30. Cindy did zero so far, no
Deville, no Dad, nothing, no book on baseball cards, zero!
Witch. Looks like she wants me to stay here and stay broke.
God forgive her and heal her, Amen. Kids look good, Lord
keep a close eye on them, Amen.
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8:30 Called kids. Got baseball card book. Wrong one. Bobby
tells me he has not made his car payment! Now he’ll ruin his
credit and probably Cindy’s too, she co-signed. Hope she’s
happy, divorced me, turned her back on me, the only time I
ever needed her in 17 years. Hope she’s happy she ruined all
our lives. What a fool! God forgive her. Amen
03-10-01 6 :15 A.M. Well had a jailhouse experience today. At
breakfast, went to grab a chair, big dumb white guy jumps up
and says, “Someone sitting there.” I grab the chair and start to
take it and told him no one’s sitting there, he jumps up. Val
(black guy I had played pool with sometimes on the street)
jumps up and gets ready to slap him. I let go of chair and told
Val not to worry about it. Didn’t want to jack him with the
chair in the face and catch a case or get locked down. Going
back to sleep now. God watch over my loved ones today, amen.
2:30 Been out, walked in gym, been working on some ideas to
make some money when I get out. Wholesale club, sell mem-
berships, don’t cost hardly anything to get started. Talked to
Mom, sounds like her asthma is acting up. Oh God Dear Lord
heal her, I pray totally, Amen.
*** As of this writing in 2008, my mother has been
healed of her asthma since about that time. Pray for each
other, it works.
Mom and Dad getting ready to get new car. Dad feeling
better. Tried Cindy’s, no answer. In room getting ready to
work on presentation for wholesale club pitch book.
3:40 Have come up with a real nice pitch book, gave 3 pages
to Val to look at.
9:40 Tried Cindy 8, 8:30, 9, 9:30, no answer. Wonder
what’s up. She has “company”, kids say she has been having
different guys over, great. No telling. God forgive her and pro-
tect the kids, Amen.
11:50 Late nights over, been in working on wholesale club.
Thinking and worrying about kids, folks, future. God forgive
and help me, protect and watch over my loved ones.
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tickets. What a bunch of bull, putting him in jail for that long
because he didn’t have the money to pay his traffic tickets.
Wow, I’ll be here 90 days as of tomorrow.
5:00 P.M. Talked to Mom, she got her new car. Black Max-
ima. Sounds real nice.
6:15 Had dinner (yech), waiting for kids to come see me.
10:15 P.M. kids came. Donny not feeling real well, Johnny ok.
Asked Cindy if I could move in when I got out. She got real
hateful. Gave her all the money I had to my name yesterday,
and she can’t give me the time of day today. Johnny asked
about me getting out. He is having to do some emotional test
at school, poor boy, it must be really hard on him, and Donny
for me to be here. For 12 and 11 they are really going through
a lot. God help them, amen. Told him not to worry, that I
would take care of everything when I got out.
03-15-01 11:00 A.M. 90 days today. Yesterday Donny told
me he was hitting the golf ball 150! Johnny and I were talking
about me being found guilty on the last case and which Bible
verse I had credited for the not guilty verdict that I had been
praying, Psalm 70! Thank God for those boys, protect them,
keep them, bless them, Amen.
11:45 Lunch was so bad I didn’t eat it! Carla McClinton is on
guard duty. What a tragedy, I used to loan her money at Pay-
day Loan co and now she “guards” over me.
6:30 Talked to Ed, said, they were looking for me, asked him
who, cops? He says that he filed embezzlement charges. He
says Cindy wrote out two checks to me for 20k and 35k!!!!
But even if that is true and she did, he got 35k from the bank
account. So we were 60/40 partners, about even I’d think. He
may be interested in recovering licenses for Payday loans.
7:15 Got hold of Cindy. Said she never wrote checks for 20k
or 35k???
03-16-2001 Back in from breakfast. Jelly sandwich. Talked to
Val about HUD Housing. Remodeling run down houses, and
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get paid. Get Ed to invest with me, let Val fix them up and rent
them out to HUD. God help my loved ones today, Amen.
9:15 Took shower, tried Ed at 9, no answer.
12:00 Talked to Ed. He called Officer Marek, he’s supposed to
come talk to me, told Ed he was silly, he owes Cindy and I if
anything!!! Told him to drop charges, we did nothing wrong.
12:15 Called Cindy, told her what was up with Ed, she said
he’s crazy! Said she never wrote no checks for 20 and 35k.
1:30 Linens are here. Need coffee, think Terrance switched
mugs with me.
8:30 Just in room thinking about things, what a life! This is a
joke, charges call for probation, here I am 90 days later.
Maybe getting closer to being over. God help me, amen. Need
to take care of my family like all of my life until Cindy “took
over” three years ago, what a tragedy! Now she’s regretting
everything she’s messed up, just like I knew she would. God
forgive her, Amen. Tried Kyle at 4:50, didn’t take call.
10:30 It was just on the radio that the Bible is the most
banned book in the world, and is one of the only books that
cannot be read in the schools in America! SO stupid. Our
country was built on the Bible and now it can’t even be read
in schools. No wonder there are so many problems in schools.
03-17-2001 12:40 Called Cindy. She’s going to Memphis
where her mom is. Asked her about the checks she wrote for
55K. She started acting crazy, said checks were made out to
my dad! Called Mom, she called Cindy, asked her why she
said they were Local Phone checks, told her she was going to
jail, she hung up, told mom to call Ed, she wouldn’t, I hung
up. Tried Ed, he wouldn’t accept call, tried again wouldn’t
accept call.
9:30 P.M. Called Mom back, Donny going to Memphis
tomorrow, told mom that’s not a good idea, tried Cindy, no
answer. Walked in the gym for almost an hour, trying to walk
off some stress. Not much I can do. Calling trying to reach out
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could get out, he said a week! I said really?! He said yes! We’ll
see. Talked to Mom at 4:45 told her about Bobby being in jail,
she’s very concerned.
8:20 Talked to Cindy, Johnny asleep, not coming up to see me
tonight. Tried to talk to her about putting our family back
together, says she “didn’t know, too much on her mind”.
Bobby got out of jail, went to court in Emporia. God help
Bobby and help me in court tomorrow. Amen
03-22-01 12:00 midnight. I’m up eating chips and listening
to radio! Thanks Mom and Dad. Up listening to Art Bell
late night talk radio. Wondering about sentencing court
tomorrow. Radio talking about some sheep imported from
Belgium??? Why would the USA at this point in time with
foot and mouth disease and Mad Cow disease let anything,
much less sheep, come in from over seas?!? They think these
200 sheep have something like Mad Cow disease. Never
heard of sheep being imported from Belgium? Food getting
ready to go way up, stock market crashing, no energy, it’s
all phony. World could be ending. God help me tomorrow,
amen.
12:15 A.M. Wow, this is weird. Art Bell talking about a rail-
road crossing where a bus load of little kids got killed when
their bus stalled on the tracks, and years later another car
stalled on the tracks with a train coming and the ghosts of the
little kids pushed the car across the tracks and later the cops
found little fingerprints on the back of that car. Here’s the
weird part. The train that runs by the jail just blew its horn as
it was going by and as Art Bell was talking about the train
that killed the little kids! How strange.
03-22-01 GLORY TO GOD- 36 months probation. Proba-
tion on dope and child endangerment! Dr Harrell’s report
calls for me to go to inpatient drug treatment, hope we can get
that changed. Kyle and Judge Martin pretty tight it seems.
Judge Martin talked about how they could “work” Texas
case. Kyle looked like he couldn’t care less what happened to
me in Texas. Looks like Judge Martin really is a good guy and
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relieving the guilt he was feeling. I was all but certain that he
and Cindy had an affair.
6:30 Been out for dinner (yech), waiting for 7:00 P.M. for in
and outs to call Mom. Hope kids coming up.
9:00 P.M. Cindy, the kids and Mom came up! Everyone
looked great! Don’t know what is up with Cindy. Says she is
getting part time job. Says she stays home with the kids, but
tomorrow she is “going to dinner to learn how to do some
business contacts”. Sure, what a liar. Donny had on a back-
wards hat. Johnny had carved a little something on his wrist.
Begged him not to do that anymore! God help and bless them
all, thank you, Lord, amen.
03-29-01 8:00 P.M. Talked to Mom at 4:30, talked to Dan at
Kyle’s office, he thought Kyle had done dictation for Texas
case and that Kyle was planning to do motions for retrials,
sounds good, could be a bunch of B.S. Tried Bill Stradley, not
in office. Talked to Donny, got suspended today, fighting with
another kid. Asked Donny if the kid was smaller or bigger.
Biggest kid in the class! God love that boy, amen. Johnny
walking to Tim’s, called him on his cell, Bless him Lord, amen.
Mom sounded good. Walked for an hour in gym, just waiting
to get out of here, God help me, amen.
03-30-01 6:30 A.M. Dear Folks: Please forgive me for the
many awful things that I’ve said. I guess I just wasn’t in my
right mind, and am very, very sorry. Neither one of you
deserved the way I have been towards you. You’ve shown me
nothing but love and kindness, and I’m forever grateful for the
two of you. God willing, I’ll be able to make it up to you, and
everything will be wonderful in the end. May God richly
shower you with all of His love and glory now and forever, on
earth and in Heaven, for all you have done for me, the kids
and everyone. With all my respect, appreciation, admiration,
love and devotion. Forever grateful, your son, Rick. I love you
both with all my heart and soul.
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OUT OF JAIL, FOR NOW…
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