The Man Who Was Always At The Cemetery – A Remus Lupin One Shot

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/35827693.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: Other
Fandom: The Marauders Fandom, The Marauder Era - Fandom, Harry Potter - J.
K. Rowling
Relationship: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter
Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin &
James Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Harry
Potter, Remus Lupin & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter
Character: Remus Lupin, Harry Potter, Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon,
James Potter, Lily Evans Potter, Mary Macdonald, Peter Pettigrew,
Sirius Black
Additional Tags: wolfstar, One sht, One Shot, Remus Lupin Raises Harry Potter, Remus
Lupin Needs a Hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, hurt with a happy
ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Deaf Character, Deaf Remus Lupin,
jily, Disabled Character, Disabled Remus Lupin
Stats: Published: 2021-12-20 Words: 2472

The Man Who Was Always At The Cemetery – A Remus

Lupin One Shot
by siriusly_a_jedi

Summary

Remus always went to James and Lily’s grave, always numb and hopeless. Until one day, a
revelation come to Remus that would change his life.

CW - mentions of: death, betrayal, feelings of hopelessness and self-inflicted bodily harm.

Notes
See the end of the work for notes

The man could always be found at the cemetery on the 31 st of each month. He would stare at the
same headstone and say not a single word. His routine was robotic at this point. He would pick up
the old, dead flowers and put them in the nearby bin, then he would pull out a fresh bouquet or
wreath and lay it down in front of the grave. He used to have to tidy up any gifts that’d been left
there, they had stopped coming in a few years ago. After the new flowers were down, sometimes
the man would stand, other times he would sit and stare at the grave. The residents of Godric’s
Hollow were convinced that this man could draw a perfect image the gravestone blindfolded and in
the dark the amount of time he would stare at it, each visit could last a few minutes, or a few hours.
But one thing was for sure, the man could always be found at the cemetery. The man always had
his hood up, or was wearing some sort of hat, no one knew why. No one knew who he was or why
he always visited the grave of James and Lily Potter.

The cemetery didn’t stretch that far, a small village didn’t require a large burial ground. But it’s
size was under-representative of the amount of pain it contained for Remus Lupin. He would stare
at the grave of the two people who were his true friends and feel nothing. Everything that had
happened to him had made him numb. His closest friends were dead, one betrayed them all and
doomed Remus to eternal loneliness, his only surviving friend, Mary MacDonald, was too painful
to visit. He was alone.

Remus knew that all the residents of Godric’s Hollow stared at him as he walked the same path
to the grave every month, if he could muster the strength to do so following a full moon. He
grabbed the metal gate to the graveyard on the same spike each time and snaked between the same
graves, the names forever emblazoned into his memory, Peverell, Abbot, Dumbledore, Bagshot.
Every time he walked past them, he wondered how often these graves are visited, did anyone care
enough to tend to them, lay flowers, reminisce. Did their families even continue past them? He
knew Ariana Dumbledore’s brother was still alive, he is sitting quite comfortable in his success in
Hogwarts, a byproduct of his war campaign that severed Remus from everything and everyone he
loved. He wouldn’t put it past Albus Dumbledore to forget about one young life.

Remus would always come to tidy up the grave, clean it and lay more flowers, lilies of course,
because no one ever did anymore, not even Mary who now preferred to keep as far away from her
old life as much as possible, Remus gathered that was her way of coping. Remus didn’t know why
he always came to do this, but he did. Maybe it was his way of mourning, maybe it was a sense of
duty because no one else would it, maybe he just enjoyed the numbness. Whenever he visited, he
would remain perfectly silent, like he was in an exam and the invigilator was standing right over
him, he saw no need to talk, who would hear him anyway? The residents of the village who would
probably make fun of him for bursting into tears beside the stone? James and Lily who were six
feet beneath where his feet landed every time he visited? He said anything he wanted to in his
head, which wasn’t ever much, but that was the only place his words were safe. They couldn’t
create bait for any one if they stayed in his head, they couldn’t put a target on his back, they
couldn’t confess Remus’ unconditional love for someone who would end up turning around and
stabbing him and everyone in the back. In his head, his words were safe.

He used to visit the grave more often, when people put lots of gifts and letters down for James
and Lily in the following months after their deaths. Remus would go and tidy it all up, he would
never take or throw anything away, he would wait until it disappeared on it’s own accord. He
would ask himself what the point was in people who were perfect strangers to James and Lily
writing letters about how brave they were, how much they will be missed, how sorry they are for
Harry. James and Lily can’t read them, and these people knew jack shit about who they were. Yes,
they were some of the bravest people Remus had ever known. Yes, Remus misses them with all of
his being. Yes, Remus was sorry for Harry, Remus had failed Harry and he doesn’t even know who
his Uncle Moony is. The last time Remus saw Harry, he would’ve been too young to remember his
own parents, let alone his Uncle. But all that aside, why should they get to mourn people they
probably didn’t even knew existed until they were dead?

It had been exactly 5 years since the end of the war and the end of the only good part in Remus’
life so far. He had made probably hundreds of trips to the grave and each time Remus was filled
with that numb, non-feeling emotion, it riddled his mind and imbedded itself firmly into his bones.
It was the same this time as he dragged his feet along the ground, head down and hands in his
pockets.

“Look mummy! It’s the man who’s always in the cemetery!” A little girl’s voice said.
“Shush!” The mother scolded, “I’m sorry about her!” She shouted after Remus, he waved his hand
in a gesture as if to say “Don’t worry about it.”

As Remus walked closer and closer to the gate, he pondered the girl’s words, the man who’s
always in the cemetery, it wasn’t the most concise nickname Remus had ever had, Re, Rem, Remy,
Remu and, perhaps the most painful, Moony. The man who’s always in the cemetery was a good
pseudonym, he remained faceless that way, no one would try and find him in his little, shitty shack
in London that he was forced to call home, Merlin knows it was the only thing he could afford with
the fruitless job search. He and Sirius always planned to use the Black family fortune to get by, but
the traitor had other plans. Just his name burned like a hot knife in Remus’ heart, he truly adored
Sirius but love was a foolish illusion in the end.

Remus kept his hood up to hide not only himself, but also the large scars that ran down and
across his face, a mark of his curse. In a village that was famous for being home to many witches
and wizards, it could be obvious what he was to anyone who passed him and that was a risk Remus
couldn’t face. Especially not tonight, it was Halloween and the streets were filled with children
dressed up and their parents, the frequent shout of “Don’t go too far!” And “But mum!” In response
to a ban on anymore consumption of sweets that night.

Remus swung the gate open and stepped through, passing between the same graves as he did so.
The Abbot grave had flowers by it today, Remus smiled at the fact that they hadn’t been forgotten.
He got to James and Lily’s headstone and grabbed the flowers he put there last time, the autumnal
rain had turned them to mulch and they made an unpleasant splat as they hit the bottom of the bin.
He returned to the grave and waved his wand subtly, just in case there were any muggles close-by,
and a beautiful wreath appeared and settled down onto the grave. In all the excitement happening
around him, Remus managed to find a moment of peace while he stared at the grave, many
unwelcome memories encapsulated his mind as he stayed there. He wanted to leave, and leave the
memories there, do what Mary has done and forget about his old life, but something in him said
“No” and kept his feet firmly stuck in the ground.

Suddenly, for the first time in years, he felt something within him wanting to speak to his
friends. But he felt too uncomfortable to do it here and now, with all these people around, with all
the noise he couldn’t even focus. Muffliato wouldn’t be invisible to any muggle residents of the
village, and Sonorous would just be embarrassing. Then, an idea popped into his head. One of his
more particularly violent transformations had him rip though his ears and Remus had caused
himself to go completely deaf on both sides, he could only hear from a spell that he casted on
himself each morning. He discreetly raised his wand to the side of his head and a yellow light
snaked out of his ears and into his wand, all instantly went silent.

He stood in front of the headstone and stared at it, his eyes followed each line in the stone, the
textures and the words that he would forever remember.

“ The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.”

He stared at the quote and pondered it. It was so perfect for James and Lily yet it is so unfitting.
Why do they need to defeat death when it’s the only inevitable part of life after birth? If you defeat
death, life becomes meaningless. But at the same time, it was perfect because you can’t defeat
death and that is why life has meaning.

“Since you died, the world, my world hasn’t been the same.” Remus started aloud, the village
melting away so that it only felt like it was him and the grave in the world. “Harry was taken to
your sister, Lily, Sirius got locked up and Peter’s dead. Mary doesn’t even want to acknowledge
any of the time we all spent together because it hurts her too much. I have no one and nothing. All
because of Sirius. How did we trust him all those years? How could you trust him with your
location? He was practically your brother, James. I still can’t get my head around it all and its been
years. And the worst part is that I can’t talk to anyone about it, Merlin knows everyone but you
guys hates what I am.” Tears started to roll down Remus’ face, some getting caught in the jagged
edges of his scars, “I just wish we were all back in Hogwarts, it was all so much more simpler back
then. You two would be there, so would Pete and Dorcas, Marls, Sirius and Mary. Death’s
inevitability gives everything we do meaning, but when everyone you know is dead, nothing has a
meaning. Everyone is gone. Everything is just shit right now and I need you. I need you all back
because I don’t know how much longer I can take this!” He exclaimed, his voice increasing by a
surprising amount as he got through his last sentences. Now fully sobbing as his knees buckled, he
continued: “Please I beg you, help me! Give me something, anything to hold on for!”

Remus stayed on his knees, sobbing as he looked at the headstone, the names on there. He could
picture the two people to whom they used to belong to if he shut his eyes tight enough. The picture
of them was failing in his minds eye, but he could make out James’ well sculpted jawline, his
messy hair and round glasses. He could see Lily’s pale yet warm face, her mane of flowing hair
and her green eyes. Another person came into Remus’ mind. Harry. The way that he was just a
perfect combination of his parents. Him, that’s Remus’ reason to hold on. To protect Harry the way
James and Lily did, and not in the way Sirius failed.

“I’ll protect Harry as much as I can, I swear.” Remus sobbed again to the gravestone, “I’ll figure
something out and I’ll try to protect him. He’ll be my life’s purpose. I promise.” Remus pledged.

Remus knelt there for more time, he didn’t know how much time had passed. The cold started to
nip at his fingertips and face, which was reddened from crying. He could hear James’ voice in the
back of his head saying: “Merlin, mate! Any redder and you’d be one of the house banners!”
Remus laughed to himself. He stood up, pressed a kiss to his fingers and placed it on the
headstone.

“I love you both, so much. And I regret not telling you it more when you were still here. I’ll see
you next month.”

With that, Remus walked out of the cemetery and cast the hearing spell again, the screams of
excited children now replaced with the various noises of drunken adults and teenagers. He took his
hood down and let the coldness of the night attack his face as he breathed in the cold chill of the
coming winter. He didn’t care about his scars anymore, many people in Hogwarts believed his lie
of being attacked by a dog, why couldn’t Godric’s Hollow believe the same? For the first time in
years, Remus felt hopeful about the future. He had something, no, someone to make his life
worthwhile.

Even the drunkest of the people wandering the streets were baffled by the man who was always
in the cemetery. His hood was down, he had actually spoke, he had cried and laughed and he was
walking with his back straight and a meaning in each step. Not the hunched over trudge he usually
took through the village. After that night, the man could still always be found at the cemetery on
the 31 st of each month, but he always seemed different.

Remus thought it was funny how the residents of the village gawped at him for the first few
months after he’d visited that Halloween, little did they know what he was planning. He had
everything planned out, even what Harry would do on the full moons. Remus would get Harry,
he’d be the Uncle Harry needed, he’d tell stories about his parents, what they did and what they
died for. Remus would bring him here every month to talk to James and Lily and help clean the
grave and replace the flowers. They would have Christmas feasts and massive birthday parties and
Harry would be given the best childhood Remus could give him. Remus knew he would get Harry,
 no matter what. The man who was always in the cemetery on the 31st of each month wouldn’t be
so lonely anymore.

End Notes

Hello there!

As you may be able to tell, this was partially inspired by that scene in S1E5 of Hawkeye
when Clint takes out his hearing aide and talks to Natasha. Also the little montage in The
Amazing Spider-Man 2 when, spoiler alert, Peter keep visiting and staring at Gwen’s
grave.

Hope you enjoyed and it wasn’t too hurty, I did give it a happy ending so don’t get too mad
lol.

Any feedback wold be greatly appreciated as well as other ideas for future fics!

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!