You chose to have children.

In doing so, you took on the responsibility for raising

them to be polite, caring and cooperative. Our nations schools are filled with
these unruly children, who not having any moral guidance or discipline, simply
carry on as destructively as they do at home. Why not? No ones ever told them
differently.

I’ve had so many young parents ask me how I manage to “control” my children, when
theirs are so completely unruly. Having been in homes where children routinely jump
on furniture, climb on kitchen counters, destroy their toys and disrespect their
parents, I am struck by one thing. There are no boundaries set in these homes. When
a 5 year old smacks Mommy HARD, when thwarted or upset, and Mommy doesn’t react,
there is a serious problem. Children are allowed to fall asleep when they want, eat
what they want, and say what they want, regardless of who they impact with their
behavior. In talking with these parents, they tell me they want to be “friends”
with their children. Many don’t believe discipline is necessary and that children
somehow magically grow up to discipline themselves. My response to this is rubbish!
I’ve seen computers damaged, VCR’s ruined, and furniture broken, all in the name of
this “creative” form of parenting. The extreme self centeredness of these kids is
alarming, If their needs aren’t gratified immediately., everyone within a one block
radius can hear their displeasure. One friend of mine called me crying after her 4
year old daughter slapped her full in the face for refusing to go get her pizza.
Sound extreme? Farfetched? It’s not. It’s been going on in American homes for a
long time. What went wrong and can it be changed? What went wrong is fairly obvious
to most people. Children need defined limits. They require routines, which give
them a sense of safety and security. Above all, they need their primary role models
to act like adults, and not like absent minded bigger kids. Can the behavior in
these homes be changed? Yes. With consistency and hard work. This doesn’t mean
changing from the Good Fairy into the Witch of Endor overnight. It took time to
build this set of responses in your children, and it will take time and patience to
change them.

Starting with smaller things first. I don’t want you jumping on furniture or
climbing on counters. This is not a safe way to play. Why? Because I love you and
don’t want you to get hurt. Two, because this is Mommy and Daddys home and you will
learn to respect it. You must then set a consequence for not respecting these
limits and enforce it consistently. If the child routinely leaves toys strewn
everywhere without picking them up, warn them they will lose them the next time
they’re left out. And do it! If your child damages something of yours, take away
something of hers. Explain that damaging property has consequences, that it must be
paid for. Set boundaries on your personal areas of the home, or personal items.
Explain to
your child that if they want you to respect their property, they must respect
yours. This means purses, wallets and your own grooming items are off limits.
Computers are not a childs personal toy. They are an expensive item still in many
homes, and your children need to be taught to respect that investment. If a young
child has their own computer and abuses it, remove it until they can show some
understanding of why we don’t treat them this way. Same for personal VCRs, radios
and TV’s. I don’t approve of very young children having these items in the first
place. Very often they are simply a baby sitter for their parents.

If your child hits you in anger, you must move swiftly to stop this before it
becomes a habit. The next time a child strikes you in anger, pick them up to eye
level. Tell them firmly that you are their parent and are NOT to be hit ever again.
As with tantrums, remove them from the room and place them in a quiet place. Make
sure there is no form of entertainment available. Even a corner will work. If you
get hit again, remove every toy they own. The important thing is not to strike back
in anger. If the child is kicking and screaming, a swift hard swat to the bottom
before placing in the corner works well. There is an exception to this. If you have
a child that routinely hits out of anger, not only you, but anyone nearby, a
physical and psychological evaluation may be necessary. Establish regular
mealtimes. If the child requests a drink or snack, teach them to say please and
thank you. You get the item, not the child. This sets limits an out of control
child badly needs. Bedtimes need to be established, with an occasional family late
night as a reward for cooperating. An hour before bed, bathe the child. Set a story
telling half hour aside with them, just prior to bed. If they cry and refuse
bedtime, there will be no playtime the next day. Firmly return them to their rooms,
each time they get up. Tell them they lose 15 minutes of playtime for each time you
are disturbed. It took time, as I said, to develop the negative behavior, it will
take time and patience to reverse them. If you are consistent, within a month you
should see some major behavioral changes in your children. If not, intervention
might be required. You chose to have children. In doing so, you took on the
responsibility for raising them to be polite, caring and cooperative. Our nations
schools are filled with these unruly children, who not having any moral guidance or
discipline, simply carry on as destructively as they do at home. Why not? No ones
ever told them differently. As I tell my boys, “I’m your parent, not your friend.”
“I love you.” “And that means that I have to make sure you behave in safe ways,
that you are someone people enjoy having around.” I’ve explained even adults have
rules that we have to live by every day. Being a strong disciplined parent means
having the strength of character to care about how your child will impact society
as they grow. A healthy family is a reflection of life as a whole. Loving,
considerate, respectful of each others feelings and property. Raising happy healthy
children keeps Americas promise of a better future, a stronger society and a better
world.