Professional Documents
Culture Documents
The
ideas
shared
in
this
program
are
simply
ideas,
beliefs
and
practices
designed
to
bring
out
more
sexual
connection
and
pleasure.
Because
every
individual
different,
some
of
the
concepts,
exercises
or
techniques
may
offend,
challenge
or
surprise
you.
You
are
free
to
choose
what
works
for
you
and
integrate
it
into
your
own
personal
life
and
sexual
or
erotic
practice.
If
you
have
any
questions
or
concerns
regarding
your
mental
or
physical
health,
please
consult
a
professional.
This
work
is
meant
ONLY
for
consenting
and
empowered
adults.
The
author
and
publisher
are
not
responsible
for
any
effects
this
material
may
have
on
the
reader
or
the
readers’
partners.
All
users
of
this
information
are
beseeched
to
apply
it
from
a
standpoint
of
love
and
nurturance,
profound
respect
for
yourself
and
for
any
partners
you
may
encounter.
Please
use
all
physical
and
emotional
precautions
to
magnify
love
and
pleasure
and
safety
in
applying
this
information
to
your
life
and
the
lives
of
others.
INTRODUCTION
Nearly
everybody
has
sexual
desires
beyond
what
they
get
to
experience
in
their
lifetime
–
which
is…
tragic.
And
the
main
reason
they
don’t
get
what
they
want
is
that
so
few
people
ask
for
what
they
want.
In
this
program,
I
will
show
you
not
only
how
to
ask
for
what
you
want,
but
also
how
to
cultivate
yourself
AND
your
lover(s)
so
that
they…
All of which should open up whole new dimensions for you.
By
your
learning
how
to
do
these
things
in
this
book
–
your
lover(s)
will
be
on
the
path
to
become
the
best
lover
they
can
be
for
you.
And
–
bonus
here
–
you
will
grow
into
becoming
the
best
lover
they
have
ever
experienced.
This
is
not
a
program
for
the
timid,
nor
for
the
piggishly
sel4ish.
It
is
not
a
book
for
revenge
nor
is
it
for
damaging,
wounding
or
hurting
your
lover(s).
You
can
apply
what
I
offer
here
for
your
multiple
lovers,
if
that
is
your
life,
or
for
your
one
beloved.
There
is
no
judgment
in
this
program
for
your
preferences,
your
kinks,
your
true
desires
–
as
long
as
your
sexual
interactions
remain
between
two
consenting
and
empowered
adults
–
and
you
come
from
your
best
place
of
love
rather
than
cruelty.
Because
what
you
have
before
you
is
not
merely
a
manual
for
sexuality;
it
is
a
guide
for
living
in
erotic
immersion,
profound
minute-‐by-‐minute-‐
gratitude
and,
really,
human
grace.
What
most
people
don’t
admit
–
or
are
afraid
to
admit
-‐
is
how
the
realm
of
sexual
desire
is
where
we
get
unmasked.
And
the
happy
surprise
is
that,
beneath
the
fear,
we
all
yearn
to
be
unmasked.
This
is
where
your
advancement
into
a
true
connoisseurship
of
erotic
and
sexual
mastery
really
begins.
With
this
knowledge…
We
all
want
desperately
to
live
our
truths
and
be
seen
–
and
wholly
accepted
–
in
our
truth.
This
goes
for
you
and
for
your
lover(s).
But,
in
our
workaday,
family
and
even
marriage
worlds
–
we
slap
on
our
social
masks.
Sometimes
they
protect
us
-‐
especially
for
women,
who
are
rightfully
cautious
about
seeming
too
openly
or
availably
sexual
in
public.
Sometimes
they
suffocate
us.
…
and
open
yourself
to
a
whole
new
kind
of
erotic
language,
a
new
vulnerability,
a
recovered,
unmasked
openness
–
so
that
your
partner
can
connect
with
the
masked
truths
of
who
and
what
you
most
beautifully,
genuinely,
achingly
are.
And
what
you
are
–
at
core
–
is
the
desire
to
just
4inally
love
and
be
loved,
without
fear,
without
holding
back,
without
limit.
You
can
accomplish
this
with
your
lover(s)
only
in
an
ecosystem
that
you
create…
of
safety.
As
the
man
who
evinces
natural
masculine
authority,
the
man
she
looks
to
for
leadership,
in
order
to
cultivate
the
best
lover
in
her
–
you’ve
got
to
help
her
drop
her
masks
so
she
can
let
go
and
offer
you
those
hidden
primal
parts
of
herself.
Parts
of
herself,
by
the
way,
that
although
she
often
won’t
admit
in
polite
company
–
she
is
dying
to
express
and
experience
with
a
man
she
can
trust.
When
I
say,
“trust”
–
I
mean
trust
that
you
take
her
physical
and
emotional
safety
seriously,
and
will
not
damage
her
willingly
or
unconsciously,
to
your
best
ability.
And
when
I
say,
“dying
to
express,”
I
do
mean
dying.
Most
people
in
our
repressed,
constricted,
work-‐obsessed
society,
with
all
the
religious
shame
that
has
been
vomited
over
our
heads
–
are
dying
inside.
Dying
because
they
are
not
living
their
sexual
truths.
Dying
because
they
know
that
there
are
people
having
great
and
exciting
and
even
profound
erotic
experience,
but
for
lack
of
courage,
or
lack
of
self-‐love,
or
foully
induced
religious
shame,
are
sitting
on
the
sidelines
as
their
precious
lives
tick
by.
I
don’t
want
you
to
be
one
of
those
people.
There
are
enough
miserable,
frustrated
people
on
this
planet.
And
they
cause
trouble
for
others
as
well
as
themselves.
I
want
you
to
be
one
of
the
elect
few
–
men
who
respect
themselves
enough
to
ask
for
and
to
go
for
extraordinary
experiences
in
this
lifetime
–
and
that
includes,
often
right
at
the
core
–
awesome
sex.
This
manual
is
speci4ically
about
how
to
turn
your
woman
(women)
into
your
best
lover
ever,
your
“fantasy
lover.”
Almost
everyone
has
securities.
Yes,
even
beautiful
women
–
especially
beautiful
women
because
they
know,
deep
inside,
that
their
attention,
popularity
and
success
has
been
hinging
on
a
diminishing
asset
–
their
looks.
So
a
woman
often
wants
to
prove
to
you
that
she
is
a
capable
and
imaginative
lover,
that
she
“knows
what
she’s
doing.”
You
will
probably
4ind,
especially
among
young
women
in
their
early
20’s
that
they
will
do
things
to
you
that
are
daring
and
edgy.
They
will
swallow
you
whole
and
still
4ind
room
to
lick
your
undercarriage
clean,
while
holding
a
mouthful.
They
will
be
more
aggressive
with
anal
pleasure,
with
crazy
positions
and
with
verbal
cries
and
dirty
talk.
Second,
they
have
probably
learned
about
sex
mostly
from
porn.
And
while
this
has
its
advantages
in
terms
of
giving
them
inventive
ideas
and
making
them
more
adventurous
and
willing
to
try
new
things,
there
are
also
great
disadvantages.
Because
porn
is
so
“outer-‐”
or
“show”
focused,
younger
women
will
often
be
disconnected
during
sex.
Not
only
disconnected
from
you
as
they
thrash
and
scream
as
they
have
witnessed
online…
And
it
is
your
opportunity
–
your
privilege
really
–
to
bring
them
back
into
their
bodies,
to
bring
them
present
–
to
make
them
present
to
their
true
bodies
and
desires
as
well
as
to
you
during
sex.
If
you’ve
been
with
enough
women,
disconnected
sex
can
get
pretty
dispiriting.
The
real
joy
of
sex
is
in
the
dance
of
two
awake
consciousnesses
exploring,
thrusting,
retreating,
daring,
connecting,
playing,
communicating,
nibbling,
tasting,
guiding,
surrendering
and
in
all
ways
discovering
each
other.
Two
bodies
“getting
off”
with
each
other
is
nice,
sure,
like
a
fast-‐food
meal
when
you’re
hungry.
There is so much more waiting for you -‐ as well as for her.
But this book is not about you waiting for things to happen to you.
It’s
about
you
taking
the
lead
–
the
enlightened
lead,
the
nurturing
lead,
and
often
the
dominant
lead
–
to
help
cultivate
the
most
generous,
adventurous,
trusting
lover
from
the
women
in
your
life
and
bedroom.
You
can
not
only
teach
her
about
the
physicality
of
sex,
you
can
teach
her
how
to
receive
pleasure,
cherishment
and
love
–
feelings
that
are
far
deeper
and
far
more
satisfying
than
mere
touch
and
physical
sensation.
Note:
if
you
want
your
lover
to
grow
more
and
more
devoted
to
your
pleasure,
to
making
your
erotic
dreams
come
true
–
then
what
I
have
just
said
may
be
the
most
important
instruction
you
will
get
in
this
entire
program.
You
are
with
her
not
merely
to
fuck
her.
You
have
to
opportunity
to
“fuck
her
open”
–
that
means,
very
seriously
–
through
your
caring,
aware,
informed
and
sure,
guiding
hand,
you
can
open
her
to
whole
new
experiences
of
self-‐
acceptance,
self-‐love,
healing
and
connection
not
merely
to
you,
but
to
love
itself.
To life itself.
To
4inally
feel
that
she
“belongs”
here
on
Earth
and,
if
only
for
the
moment,
feels
to
be
part
of
the
love
that
is
available.
This may be the noblest gift you ever give in your lifetime.
To
not
only
enjoy
women
–
which
I
wholly
encourage
and
embrace
–
but
also
to
heal
women.
They
carry
a
lot
of
pain,
and
the
more
you
can
help
them
release
painful
memories
and
fear,
and
then
replace
that
with
cherishment
and
new
levels
of
pleasure,
the
happier
your
world
will
be.
I
strongly
believe
that
you
–
as
you
cultivate
the
practices
that
you
will
4ind
in
this
program
and
all
its
accompanying
bonus
reports
and
guides,
that
you
can
live
an
entirely
new
life…
…
your
life
as
an
erotic
continuum,
in
the
bedroom
and
out.
…
your
life
as
a
giver
and
receiver
in
the
bedroom
of
the
most
exquisite
sexual
pleasure,
lived
by
you
as
openness,
authenticity,
daring,
trust,
4iercely
true
communications
and,
yes,
love.
Love
in
all
its
variations.
From
simply
cherishing
the
exquisite
creature
before
you
and
wanting
to
give
her
a
one-‐
time
experience
that
she
will
always
treasure
–
to
lifelong
devotional
love.
1. Foreplay
–
which
in
my
world
is
a
delicious
24
hour
game
to
play
with
your
lover(s)
2. Sex
–
where
you
will
learn
to
both
lead
and
submit,
and
to
draw
out
your
and
her
desires
with
both
a
sense
of
4ierce
daring
and
trustable
safety
(the
magical
combination),
and
3. Afterplay
–
wherein
you
integrate
your
lover(s)
back
into
the
non-‐
sexual
but
lovingly
erotic
everyday
world
so
that
you
keep
the
4ire
burning….
Master
these
three
areas
as
laid
out
in
this
book
and
you
will
not
only
be
the
greatest
lover
she
has
ever
had,
but
you
will
guide
her
into
being
the
generous,
adventurous
fantasy
lover
you
have
always
dreamed
of.
I
often
write
that
romantic
or
erotic
love
is
a
mere
“slice”
of
the
pie,
not
the
pie
itself.
And
erotic
and
sexual
joy
that
you
will
learn
how
to
create
in
this
program,
it
is
my
hope,
will
inform
your
entire
life.
Will
deepen
your
heart,
your
ability
to
enjoy
this
world
and
share
your
joy
with
others.
Not
only
in
the
bedroom
–
but
also
in
all
areas
of
your
life.
Enjoy this journey and email me your discoveries and success stories…
Adam
Gilad
Foreplay
The
Foreplay
That
Never
Ends
I
hate
the
term,
“sex
life.”
I don’t believe you have a “sex life” that is separate from your “life-‐life.”
The
term
“sex-‐life”
and
the
4ixation
on
sex
in
our
culture
is
a
symptom
of
a
larger
disease.
And
this
disease
is
that
almost
everybody
is
dissociated
from
his
or
her
body.
This
is
the
beginning
of
shame.
And
shame,
to
me,
is
as
destructive
as
any
hatred
–
worse
even
because
it
is
taught
hatred
of
herself.
It
starts
with
our
inherited
mainstream
Western
religious
traditions,
and
the
damnable
division
between
4lesh
and
spirit
that
it
has
been
foisted
upon
us.
It’s
a
crime.
By
contrast,
goddess
worship
and
sacred
sexuality
traditions
such
as
Tantra
and
Taoism
understand
(its
freaking
obvious
to
them)
that
we
are
one
integral
unit
–
call
it
“mind-‐body,”
“incarnated
spirit,”
“embodied
soul.”
We
live
in
our
bodies,
we
dream
in
our
bodies,
we
experience
consciousness
in
our
bodies
and
we
love
in
our
bodies.
So
let’s
stop
shitting
on
the
body
and
saying
that
it’s
something
different
or
“other”
than
soul
or
spirit.
Each
feeds
the
other
in
a
never-‐ending
Mobius
strip.
Hormones
affect
emotion.
Glands
affect
insight.
Motion
jogs
creative
revelations.
And
yeah,
the
brain,
by
the
way
is
a
physical
blobbly
“thing.”
Body
and
spirit
are
intertwined
inextricably,
two
expressions
of
one
life
living
itself.
To
believe
otherwise
is
an
illusion.
To
curse
one
while
aggrandizing
the
other
is
not
only
stupid,
but
injures
your
expression
of
both
you
body
and
your
soul.
When
we
stop
a
moment
on
the
street,
close
our
eyes
and
listen
to
humanity
around
us.
In
feeling
the
materials
that
touch
our
skin,
the
sweet
and
tangy
food
that
passes
slowly
over
our
tongues,
the
4loral
and
feminine
aromas
we
pass.
Eros
is
everywhere.
It
is
the
immersion
and
feeling
of
the
sensual
fullness
of
being
part
of
the
4low
of
life.
My
friend,
Marc
Gafni,
the
extraordinary
mystic,
teacher,
renegade
rabbi
and
PhD
philosopher
writes
that
in
our
culture,
the
erotic
“is
exiled
into
the
sexual.”
By
that
he
means
that
people
have
taken
all
the
glorious
possibilities
of
living
erotically
alive
moment-‐to-‐moment
and
reduced
it
to
-‐
and
imprisoned
it
in
-‐
the
bedroom.
What
a
waste!
In
this
book,
you
are
going
to
liberate
Eros
from
the
bedroom
and
learn
how
to
suffuse
your
lovers’
life
with
pleasure360
–
which
will
liberate
her
to
be
the
most
erotic
and
generous
lover
you
have
ever
experienced.
And
not
just
in
the
bedroom…
Gafni
also
wisely
says
that
“the
sexual
models
the
erotic,
but
it
doesn’t
exhaust
the
erotic.”
I want you to really get the depth of this statement…
By
this
he
is
saying
that
yes,
in
the
throes
of
sex,
we
get
to
FEEL
the
pleasure
that
is
available
to
us
but
also
the
connectedness
to
the
life
force
that
we
can
feel
every
single
moment
of
our
lives.
That
sense
of
belongingness
I
talk
about
elsewhere
in
this
program.
Some
people
call
it
“connecting
to
the
divine.”
Others
call
it
“fucking
ourselves
open
to
God”
(see
the
writer
David
Deida
for
that.).
Others
call
it
“spiritual
sex.”
Whatever
you
want
to
call
it
–
it’s
a
connection
to
something
bigger
and
more
inclusive
than
our
mere
little
personalities
and
egos.
It’s
why
people
scream
out
during
sex
“Oh
God!”
and
not
“Oh
reason!”
or
“Oh
ego!”
And
by
the
way
–
here’s
a
thought
that
will
blow
your
mind
–
and
the
mind
of
your
lover…
The
other
thing
people
scream
out
during
sex
is
the
name
of
their
lover
(hopefully
your
name
while
you’re
in
bed
with
her).
And
the
deepest
truth
of
sex
is
that
in
this
moment
of
bliss
and
abandon
–
“Oh
God!”
and
“Your
Name
Here”
are
one
and
the
same.
In other words…
Through
your
individual
body
and
being,
she
is
tasting
the
allness,
the
fullness
of
her
body
and
being
and
the
universal
4low
of
life.
Both
you
and
“the
divine”
are,
in
this
moment,
one
and
the
same.
For
that
one
exquisite,
sustained
moment
–
her
tiny
worries
disappear
and
she
feels
dissolved
into
oneness
with
everything,
complete,
free
and
liberated.
[note:
I
really
don’t
like
the
word,
“God”
–
it
has
so
many
meanings
and
so
much
cultural
baggage
and
awful
associations,
but
I
will
trust
you
know
what
I
mean:
whatever
that
animating
force
is
that
drives
the
Mlower,
that
blooms
the
Mields,
that
animates
life
and
connection
and
wonder
and
love.
I
don’t
think
it
has
a
name
that
we
know.
And
I’m
pretty
damned
sure
it’s
the
“God”
that
most
people
talk
about.
Maybe
the
best
word
is
“Source,”
plain
and
simple,
which
I
get
into
later
in
this
book].
The
key
point
here
is
that
you
can
cultivate
yourself
to
be
an
alive
and
awake
erotic
being
24
hours
a
day
–
and
by
doing
that
–
cultivate
your
lover
to
be
the
same.
No,
I
don’t
mean
diddling
yourself.
Not
at
all.
I
am
going
to
open
up
your
idea
of
foreplay.
Remember,
as
we
just
learned,
“sex
does
not
exhaust
the
erotic.”
Neither
does
sexual
foreplay
exhaust
erotic
foreplay.
I
mean
erotic
foreplay
as
a
continual
opening
of
your
senses
and
the
expansion
of
your
emotional
capacity
to
give
and
receive
pleasure
and
love.
This
is
a
practice.
Daily.
Hourly.
Moment-‐by-‐moment
if
you
want
to
excel.
And
for
now,
it’s
just
for
you.
So
that
you
become
a
connoisseur
of
these
things:
giving
and
receiving
pleasure
and
love.
Do
it
and
you
will
become
a
better
lover.
You
will
be
more
sensitive,
more
aware
of
sensations
during
sex
–
and
better
able
to
awaken
your
lover
to
the
sensations
she
may
be
missing
if
she
“checks
out”
or
thrashes-‐by-‐rote
to
impress.
And part two of this process is that foreplay with her is also a 24-‐hour activity.
In
this
program,
we
will
explore
all
the
ways
you
can
cultivate
a
sense
of
connection
with
her
–
even
when
you
are
not
in
the
bedroom.
You
can
do
this
playfully,
sexually
and
protectively.
You
can
even
do
it
by
HOW
you
are
not
connecting
with
her
at
a
given
moment.
By
this
I
mean
your
absence
from
her
can
be
felt
by
her
as
your
failure,
as
your
unconsciousness
or
distraction
or
laziness.
Or
by
contract,
if
you
carve
out
your
absence
from
her
by
establishing
clearly
intended
boundaries
that
serve
your
higher
purposes
–
your
need
to
work
undistracted,
your
devotion
to
helping
your
family,
your
community
or
to
pursue
your
own
personal
joy,
adventures
or
development
–
then
if
she
is
not
hopelessly
needy,
she
will
feel
your
absence
as
an
“erotic
absence.”
Where
her
man
is
doing
something
noble
and
necessary.
Which
is
sexy
to
her,
even
if
she
wants
you
close.
Throughout
this
program
–
before,
during
and
after
sex
–
I
will
give
you
practices
to
hone
your
erotic
animal
–
so
that
you
are
able
to
lead
your
women
with
a
sure
touch
and
authority.
Physically,
emotionally
and
spiritually.
In
many
ways,
you
will
discover
that
your
“sexing”
will
be
a
doorway
to
a
whole
new
kind
of
erotic
continuum
and
reintegration
in
your
own
life.
This
disease
of
“sexual”
dissociation
is
really
part
of
a
bigger
cultural
disease.
People
split
up
their
lives
into
sex-‐life,
work-‐life,
home-‐life,
social-‐life
and,
most
painfully,
fantasy-‐life
–
and
don’t
connect
them
together.
If
you
do
this,
it
is
not
your
fault.
Our
society
compartmentalizes
people.
It
wants
to
make
you
a
“productive
worker”
and
a
“consumer.”
In
the
Jeffersonian
days,
it
wanted
to
make
you
a
“citizen-‐scholar”
on
the
idealized
Greek
model.
These
are
useful
goals.
But
never
–
ever
–
has
our
normative
society
wanted
to
make
you
an
integrated,
24
hour
erotic
being
moving
through
all
your
various
responsibilities
yet
never
losing
your
erotic
center
(there
are
notable
exceptions,
as
in
much
post-‐feminist
writing
and
in
the
60’s,
through
the
work
of
Norman
O.
Brown
among
others).
One
4inal
note,
before
we
get
into
cultivating
a
connoisseurship
of
bodily
pleasure.
Every
way
in
which
you
or
your
lover(s)
will
be
held-‐back,
constricted,
limited
and
frustrated
in
your
pleasure
is
precisely
the
shape
and
presence
of
unlove
in
and
for
your
bodies.
In
other
words,
exactly
how
and
as
much
as
you
or
she
does
not
love
her
body
is
exactly
how
the
extent
to
which
you
will
cripple
your
ability
to
dive
deep
together
and
experience
the
heights
and
depths
of
sexual
pleasure,
fantasy
and
connection
that
you
are
about
to
learn
in
this
book.
Now,
I
understand
that
all
of
us
demean
and
judge
our
own
bodies
and
wish
this
thing
were
bigger,
that
thing
were
smaller,
the
other
thing
was
4irmer
or
rounder
or
more
sculpted.
But
the
only
way
forward
is
to
love
your
imperfections
as
merely
a
vehicle
of
your
ability
to
offer
and
feel
love
–
REAL
love
-‐
as
a
human
being.
And
in
that
context,
yes,
of
course,
eat
healthier,
work
out
more
and
smarter.
Get
leaner
and
more
vital.
But
do
that
within
the
frame
of
love.
Loving
the
gift
of
your
body
–
wholly
apart
from
any
perceived
“imperfections”
-‐
as
a
vehicle
of
in4inite
pleasure
and
in4inite
love.
I’m
not
saying
it’s
easy
and
you
can
4lip
a
switch
and
do
it
now.
But
I
am
saying
that
you
can
cultivate
this
way
of
being.
Be
aware
of
your
self-‐denigration
as
soon
as
you
hear
those
thoughts
arising
within
you
–
and
replace
them
with
the
thoughts
above,
and
the
thoughts
you
will
hear
and
absorb
throughout
this
work.
You
also
see
it
by
the
way,
in
how
poets
have
been
lionized
in
the
past,
and
rock
stars
now.
For
these
people,
it’s
just
obvious
that
music,
the
poetry
of
language,
food,
drink,
sex,
laughter
are
all
one
possible
continuum.
Now,
it
has
to
be
said
that
the
“disease”
of
dissociation
makes
the
“rock-‐star”
version
of
this
dangerous
and
self-‐destructive.
Maybe
because
feeling
free
to
live
an
erotic
24-‐hour
life
is
such
an
anomaly
in
our
culture
that
they
feel
so
“strange”
among
the
rest
of
us,
and
their
lives
often
take
a
dark
turn.
Intoxication,
destruction,
overdosing,
numbing,
fury
(Jimi,
Morrison,
Hutchins,
Winehouse,
Cobain)
–
these
represent
the
shadow
side
of
Eros
–
and
not
what
we
are
after
here.
I
point
this
out
because
for
a
man
in
our
culture,
to
pursue
the
excellence
of
becoming
an
erotic
connoisseur
may
be
seen
with
suspicion.
Men
who
are
REALLY
dissociated
from
their
erotic
bodies,
who
are
caught
up
in
anti-‐erotic
ideologies
or
who
are
afraid
of
their
own
sexuality
–
will
consider
it
“feminine”
or
“suspicious.”
So
that
you’re
not
merely
thinking
about
being
an
erotic
connoisseur,
or
fantasizing
about
it.
You’re
feeling
it
–
and
if
you’re
not
feeling
it
–
you
can
“turn
it
on”
–
you
can
feel
it
in
any
moment
–
in
a
second
-‐
if
you
so
choose.
How much more sexy, by the way, do you think women will 4ind you then?
Along
with
a
group
of
writer
friends,
she
was
engaged
to
write
erotica
for
an
unknown
collector.”
But
this
anonymous
collector
kept
sending
her
instructions
to
reduce
the
“poetry”
of
her
erotic
stories
and
just
write
about
the
sex
act.
“Why
would
you
do
that,”
she
asked…
…
if
you
have
closed
your
senses
to
silk,
light,
color,
odor,
character,
temperament,
you
must
be
by
now
completely
shriveled
up.
There
are
so
many
minor
senses,
all
running
like
tributaries
into
the
mainstream
of
sex,
nourishing
it….”
God,
I
love
that
woman.
Not
only
can
she
feel
the
world
erotically
as
well
as
anyone,
but
her
writing
is
powerful,
sensual
and
inspiring.
So
in
this
section,
we
are
going
to
take
a
cue
from
Ms.
Nin
–
and
cultivate
both
the
minor
and
major
sensual
“tributaries”
into
sex.
Before
we
even
get
to
“making”
your
lover
into
your
fantasy
lover,
let’s
focus
4irst
on
cultivating
your
erotic
awareness.
Both,
so
you
can
feel
pleasure
and
be
more
responsive
to
your
lovers
and
also
so
you
can
teach,
lead
and
open
her
into
the
kind
of
experiences
that
you
most
desire.
Oh
yeah
–
one
third
advantage
of
these
“sensual
connoisseur”
practices
–
you
actually
get
to
be
a
more
erotic
being
and
enjoy
the
pleasures
that
this
gorgeous
world
offers
you!
And that, frankly, is the both the root and the ultimate prize.
Cultivating Sight
Of
all
the
senses,
sight
most
drenches
you
in
constant,
conscious
information.
Every
time
you
open
your
eyes,
thousands
of
bits
of
data
shoot
through
your
irises
and
get
parsed
by
your
brain.
You
have
evolved
to
seek
usable
information.
Namely
–
danger,
nourishment,
advantage,
sex.
You
know,
the
basics.
Here are some practices to move beyond scanning for the basics…
To
become
the
lover
you
want
to
be
and
to
lead
your
lover
into
being
the
lover
you
want
her
to
be,
take
three
long
slow
breaths,
relax
your
entire
body
and
then
soften
your
gaze.
Almost
like
putting
Vaseline
on
the
lens
like
they
used
to
do
for
movie
starlets
in
the
old
days.
Open
your
vision
so
that
you
are
feeling
your
peripheral
vision
as
just
as
central
as
that
which
is
directly
in
front
of
you.
Now,
instead
of
scanning
for
usable
data,
as
we
habitually
do,
“feel”
for
textures,
for
the
play
of
light
and
shadow,
for
the
subtleties
of
color.
Do
you
see
the
shimmering
of
the
underleaves
on
that
tree?
The
play
of
shadow
on
the
sidewalk?
Wake
up
to
life
around
you
–
whether
it’s
the
sparkling
happy
eyes
of
a
passing
dog,
the
grain
of
wood
on
a
table
in
front
of
you,
the
shapes
of
buildings
one
against
another,
and
of
course
–
the
in4inite
play
of
light
and
bulk
in
the
clouds
above
you.
Now
practice
softening
your
gaze
as
you
“feel”
some
random
women.
Can
you
take
in
and
“feel”
the
swooshing
motion
of
that
woman’s
skirts
against
her
thighs?
Can
you
see
the
golden
hairs
on
her
legs,
barely
visible,
catching
the
light
of
the
sun
like
a
spider’s
web?
What
about
her
hair?
Can
you
see
the
way
it
has
sheen
here,
and
not
there?
Can
you
see
the
modulations
of
color,
strands
that
are
hi-‐lit,
and
strands
that
are
darker?
Can
you
see
the
way
her
hair
tapers
at
the
end,
because
she’s
got
a
great
hairdresser?
What
about
all
the
subtle
color
variations
of
just
her
naked
lips?
The
pinks,
the
whites,
the
blushes
of
deeper
red?
The
shadows
of
the
tiny
creases?
Every
day
–
as
often
as
you
can
–
immerse
yourself
in
visual
stimuli
and
feel
the
subtlest
shifts
and
variations
both
as
you
gaze
as
women
and
as
you
simply
drink
in
the
world.
Then,
when
you
come
to
your
lover,
you
will
see
so
much
more,
you
will
notice
so
much
more,
you
will
cherish
the
visual
wonderland
of
her
body
so
much
more
–
and
because
you
see
more,
you
will
be
able
to
SHOW
your
lover
how
in4initely
beautiful
she
is
in
ways
no
other
man
has
ever
shown
her.
You
will
be
able
to
run
your
4inger
along
her
collarbone
and
reveal
to
her
how
sexy
are
the
soft
shadows
of
the
hollows
above
them
are.
You
will
reveal
to
her
the
subtle
colors
within
her
eyes,
the
curve
of
her
neck
beneath
her
hair,
the
complex
allure
of
her
lips.
Shallow lovers go right for the tits and the pussy.
A
great
lover
lingers
on
the
beauty
of
all
of
her,
slowly,
slowly
drinking
her
in,
opening
her
up,
turning
her
on
by
revealing
just
what
a
miracle
of
beauty
every
inch
of
her
is
When
you
open
her
up
this
way,
her
sexual
energy
will
build
and
build
and
build…
…
and
you
will
never
be
stuck
with
a
“dead-‐4ish”
lover
again.
This
is
how
by
awakening
your
eyes
and
awakening
her
eyes,
you
awaken
the
untapped
sexuality
of
your
lover.
Tip:
consider
taking
an
oil
painting
class.
You
will
discover
and
“feel”
how
color
and
texture
mix
and
blend,
bleed
and
vanish
–
and
its
all
created
right
at
the
end
of
your
Mingertips.
Or,
whenever
you
can,
take
a
guided
tour
of
museums.
If
the
paid
guides
go
on
too
much
about
history
or
inMluences
–
hire
yourself
an
artist!
Go
on
Craigslist
or
wherever
else
artists
hang
out
-‐
art
schools,
I
guess,
art
classes
–
and
pay
an
artist
whose
work
you
feel
is
sensually
alive
to
give
you
a
private
tour
of
a
museum
or
of
art
galleries
–
with
the
sole
purpose
of
awakening
your
eyes
and
your
ability
to
see!
Oh,
and
if
this
artist
happens
to
be
a
scorchingly
beautiful
and
sensually
alive
woman,
well,
I’m
certainly
not
going
to
blame
you
for
hiring
her.
Cultivating Taste
Have you heard of the slow-‐food movement? It’s been catching on. Google it.
Another
disease
of
modern
life
–
and
one
that
bleeds
our
natural
and
happy
erotic
birthright
-‐
is
the
awfulness
of
most
of
the
food
we
are
given.
Let’s
start
with
fast
food
–
by
de4inition,
something
that
serves
speed,
and
not
sensual
pleasure
(or
nutrition
for
that
matter).
I
once
did
a
creative
consultation
for
McDonalds,
and
part
of
my
job
was
to
taste
their
burgers
and
all
their
competitors
–
and
do
a
full
assessment
of
the
entire
experience.
I
dragged
my
kids
with
me
to
get
their
input
and
they
were
disgusted
at
some
of
what
people
eat
every
day.
Listen,
when
you
eat
fresh,
grass
fed
beef
–
you
will
come
to
wretch
at
a
Burger
King
Burger!
When
you
pick
blackberries
on
the
Vancouver
Island
coast
and
feel
them
explode
in
your
mouth,
you
will
cry
over
the
bland
and
bitter
facsimiles
you
buy
at
the
supermarket.
This
goes
10x
for
strawberries
–
I
mean
it
is
absolutely
criminal
to
taste
what
has
been
lost
from
natural,
organic
explosively
juicy
strawberries
(my
grandmother
had
a
farm,
so
I
take
this
one
personally)!
Next,
lets
look
at
all
the
processed
foods
we
are
given.
Cereals,
mixes,
processed
juices,
breads
riven
through
with
chemical
preservatives.
These
kill
pleasure.
They
satisfy
the
stomach,
they
make
you
feel
full
–
that’s
how
they
are
engineered
–
to
make
you
feel
fat
and
happy
and
sleepy.
In
order
to
cultivate
your
taste
as
much
as
possible
–
return
to
natural,
fresh
organic
fruits
and
vegetables,
the
highest
quality
organic
meats,
fresh
seafood.
And
don’t
just
eat
these
things
–
savor
them!
The
very
word
savor
comes
from
the
root,
“to
taste.”
Slow
down!
Take
4ive
minutes
to
eat
a
strawberry
and
let
all
its
complex
tastes
4ill
your
mouth
(I
will
show
you
how
to
do
this
with
your
lover
in
the
next
section).
And
wine!
Without
falling
for
the
“show”
of
wine-‐tasting
–
4ind
yourself
a
wine
bar
or
go
to
wine
country
and
slowly,
with
exquisite
sensitivity
to
the
shifts
of
4lavor
and
texture
in
your
mouth,
taste
the
glory
that
is
Barolo
or
Bordeaux
or
a
rich
red
Zin.
As
a
matter
of
fact,
it
was
a
St
Francis
’97
zin
that
heralded
the
end
of
my
then
marriage.
It
woke
me
up
to
how
unhappy
my
body
and
soul
had
been.
We
were
at
the
house
of
a
music
director
here
in
Hollywood
for
some
family
oriented
party
–
with
lots
of
kids
running
around.
He
is
a
great
wine
expert
and
showed
me
this
bottle
(only
17
bucks
by
the
way
–
I
went
out
and
bought
a
case
then
next
day.)
When
I
touched
it
to
my
lips,
my
whole
body
4illed
with
the
most
full,
robust
warmth
and
pleasure.
I
was
amazed.
Awed.
I
asked
him
if
I
could
take
the
bottle
and
I
settled
into
his
dark
library
and
for
the
next
hour,
I
made
love
with
that
bottle!
I
just
sipped
and
savored
and
rolled
it
in
my
mouth,
feeling
how
now
my
tongue,
now
my
inner
cheeks,
now
my
lips
were
caressed
by
the
shifts
in
4lavor
and
texture.
This
was
a
new
experience
for
me.
A
surprising
and
erotic
experience.
I
had
never
really
thought
much
about
wine.
When
my
then
wife
found
me
sitting
in
the
dark,
she
yelled
at
me
for
being
anti-‐social.
All
I
could
do
in
my
bliss
state
was
cry
out…
“But…
I’m
happy!”
And
that
was
the
beginning
of
the
end.
I
realized
right
then
how
unhappy
I
had
been
in
my
body
all
these
years
with
her.
But
that
one
bottle
of
wine
was
also
the
beginning
of
an
entirely
new
life
of
erotic
pleasure
for
me
–
on
every
level.
The
same
goes
for
true
gourmet
chocolates!
Don’t
waste
your
time
with
Hersheys
and
garbage
chocolate.
Find
a
chocolatier
and
savor
–
and
share
with
your
lovers
–
exquisite
truf4les
that
explode
pleasure
into
your
mouth.
One
of
my
happiest
recent
memories
was
spending
3
days
in
bed
over
the
course
of
my
birthday
with
a
young
lover
–
and
every
day
we
went
out
–
mostly
to
buy
a
new
bag
of
Godiva
truf4les.
J
A
couple
of
4inal
notes:
too
much
sugary
sweetness
can
desensitize
your
palette.
So
much
so
that
when
you
encounter
a
genuinely
exquisite
sweet
dessert
(and
I’ll
show
you
how
to
put
these
to
use
in
the
bedroom),
you
won’t
appreciate
it
as
deeply.
So
try
to
cut
back
on
junk
sweets.
Store-‐bought
cookies,
sugary
soft
drinks
and
pseudo-‐juices.
Bring
your
mouth
back
to
neutral
–
so
that
when
you
DO
have
an
amazing
gelato
or
red
velvet
cake
–
your
whole
being
will
glow
in
full-‐
body
pleasure.
Also,
by
the
way,
I
have
read
that
coffee
has
more
complex
4lavors
than
even
the
best
red
wine.
Great
coffee
is
as
far
from
regular
coffee
as
making
love
with
Paris’s
leading
courtesan
would
be
from
whacking
off
over
an
old
copy
of
National
Geographic.
Spend
the
little
extra
on
gourmet
coffee
that
4loats
your
boat.
The
brilliant
Steve
Asprey
at
BulletproofExec.com
has
been
talking
about
his
super-‐deluxe
coffee
which,
believe
it
or
not,
is
brewed
with
butter
–
and
is
apparently
a
whole
new
level
of
awesome.
I
don’t
know
because
I
haven’t
tried
it
yet,
but
it’s
on
my
list
of
to-‐dos.
Cultivating Smell
Have
you
noticed
that
their
hair,
if
they
take
care,
can
smell
like
strands
of
an
erotic
dream?
I
mean,
I
can
remember
speci4ic
moments
in
7th
grade
when
I
would
get
a
nose-‐full
of
the
cherry-‐scented
shampoo
of
Lisa
Shapiro
on
the
camp
bus.
I
remember
exactly
the
moment
and
how
I
felt
as
if
I
wanted
to
take
her
right
there
in
the
bus
seat.
Except
I
didn’t
know
how
to
do
that.
As
you
probably
know,
smell
is
the
sense
that
is
the
most
immediately
processed
by
the
brain.
Take
a
draught
of
a
dozen
roses,
or
a
sweet
pussy,
or
a
beautifully
cooked
meal
and
your
whole
mental
state
can
shift!
In
the
bedroom,
you
want
to
bring
olfactory
experiences
to
your
lover
(4irst
and
foremost
you
want
to
shower
and
not
stink
although
some
women
love
the
musk
of
a
man
–
go
4igure)
in
the
bedroom.
But,
as
with
all
the
senses,
you
want
to
cultivate
your
own
“nose”
ahead
of
time.
See
the
movie
“Perfume”
and
read
the
book.
You
will
discover,
just
as
I
did,
how
dull
an
olfactory
erotic
life
we
lead.
Literally
stop
and
smell
the
roses.
That’s
one
of
the
best
pieces
of
advice
ever
given
–
it
should
be
one
of
the
ten
commandments!
It's
a
way
of
saying
–
enjoy
your
erotic
life
–
live
an
erotically
awakened
life!
Make
a
practice
of
4lower-‐smelling.
Women
will
4ind
you
charming,
although
most
men
–
jealous
inside
because
they
will
sense
that
they
are
missing
out
on
an
erotic
experience
even
if
they
can’t
articulate
–
will
be
perplexed
and
challenged.
In
a
public
garden,
close
your
eyes
and
inhale
each
4lower.
Allow
yourself
to
sense
how
each
one
is
different.
There
are
amazing
variations
of
sweetness
and
pungency.
(by
the
way,
while
you’re
at
it,
if
you
can
touch
4lower
petals,
particularly
rose
petals
to
your
lips
without
getting
arrested,
do
that,
too).
Then
see
if
you
can
put
words
on
the
variations
of
aroma.
Whatever
feels
right
to
you.
See
if
you
can
identify
them
with
your
eyes
closed
or
blindfolded
(you
will
see
how
this
little
exercise
comes
in
handy
in
the
bedroom
in
the
next
part
of
this
program).
Here’s
another
practice.
Go
to
your
local
upscale
department
store
-‐
Nordstroms,
Bloomingdales,
whatever
–
and
head
for
the
perfume
and
the
cologne
counters.
Ask
the
nice
young
lady
to
help
you
test
different
aromas
so
that
you
can
4igure
out
what
appeals
most
to
you.
Ask
her
what
her
favorites
are
and
try
to
feel
what
she
feels
when
you
inhale
this
perfume
and
the
next.
Take
this
practice
into
the
world
with
you.
Ever
since
that
7th
grade
moment,
believe
me,
I
inhale
beautiful
women
as
they
pass
by.
I
want
a
full
inhale
of
their
perfume,
their
shampoo,
their
creams
and
oils
and
ointments
–
the
whole
bouquet
of
them.
Imagine
how
seductive
it
is
when
you
can
comment
on
how
she
has
affected
you,
just
by
her
perfume,
and
how
you
can
identify
what
it
is
(by
scent
or
by
sensual
impression,
I
don’t
mean
by
brand
name)
Any
woman
who
knows
her
beans,
wants
a
man
who
is
erotically
alive
and
awake
and
who
notices
the
little
things.
Another
note:
want
more
ways
to
awaken
your
erotic
olfactory
experience
of
the
world.
Throw
out
your
store-‐bought
mass-‐market
soaps,
shampoos
and
body-‐
washes
and
replace
them
with
handmade
or
artisinal
soaps.
Fill
your
bathroom
and
salve
your
body
in
eucalyptus
and
lavender,
musk
and
cinnamon.
Not
only
will
you
feel
more
sensual
and
awakened,
when
women
inhale
you
or
visit
your
restroom,
they
will
be
sensually
affected
and
attracted
to
you,
you
connoisseur
of
the
nose,
you.
Cultivating Hearing
You can probably guess what I am going to say by now…
That
there
is
so
much
crap
music
in
the
world,
we
have
lost
our
ability
to
hear
the
subtleties
of
the
glory
of
great
music.
If you guessed I was going to say that – you are a smart guy.
Another
thing
–
the
white
noise
of
our
industrial
digital
environment
–
it’s
awful,
it
4ills
our
heads
with
unerotic
blather
and
roars.
So
much
so,
that
I
urge
you
to
reclaim
your
ears.
In
fact,
right
now,
as
I
tap
out
these
words,
I
am
sitting
in
the
airport
in
Medellin,
Columbia.
And
though
while
I
am
savoring
a
cold
beer,
gazing
at
the
lush,
cultivated
jungle
hills
in
the
distance,
taking
in
eyefuls
of
the
sexy
paisas
(local
girls)
as
they
strut
by
on
their
long
legs
and
sporting
their
enhanced
breasts
and
full
Latina
lips
–
yes,
even
though
I
am
immersed
in
the
sensual
stew
all
around
me,
I
am
irked
by
the
roar
of
jet
engines
just
outside
(not
great
insulation
here)
and
even
more
so
by
the
blaring
TVs
looming
over
every
seating
area.
What
happened
to
“silence
is
golden?”
It’s too often swallowed up in the static of electronic white noise culture.
So here are some practices to train your ears into connoisseurship…
For
one
week,
I
was
lucky
enough
to
spend
whole
days
with
John
Cage.
Cage,
who
died
recently,
was
one
of
the
most
profound
and
famous
composers
of
the
20th
Century.
Not
because
he
wrong
lush
orchestral
pieces,
but
because
he
put
muf4ling
boxes
and
strange
doo-‐dads
inside
pianos
to
alter
sound,
welcomed
“chance”
into
any
live
concert
and
was
exquisitely
alive
to
the
reality
that
“everything
is
music”
and
also
for
his
avid
mushroom
collecting.
Drawing
on
his
deep
Buddhist
practice,
he
would
create
spaces
for
music
to
happen.
Most
famous
is
his
piece
4’33
seconds
–
which
consists
of
the
pianist
sitting
down
on
his
bench
and
doing
nothing
for
exactly
that
period
of
time.
What
happens?
You
start
hearing
all
the
noises
that
occur
around
you
that
you
never
notice!
This
hilarious
and
revelatory
piece
literally
wakes
you
up
to
your
ability
to
hear
again.
That
is
what
you
must
do.
Close
your
eyes
from
time
to
time
and
let
all
the
myriad
of
sounds
around
you
4lit
and
4ilter
through
your
head.
Hear
it
ALL.
Don’t
block
it
out,
just
feel
all
the
sounds
as
they
rise
and
fall.
Become
a
connoisseur
of
sound
in
all
its
forms.
The
voices.
The
baby
crying.
The
brakes
screeching.
The
birds
tweeting.
A
distant
dog
barking.
Your
own
heartbeat.
Unidenti4iable
machine
hums
and
growls.
The
rustling
of
leaves.
The
wind
in
your
ears.
All
of
it
is
music.
Wake
up
to
it.
As
you
cultivate
your
ability
to
hear
the
chance
of
the
world
–
also
cultivate
an
ear
to
hear
the
subtleties
of
the
greatest
music
ever
made.
Yeah,
yeah,
I
know,
it’s
a
matter
of
taste,
but
try
to
“feel”
something
when
you
sit
and
close
your
eyes,
and
let
these
pieces
of
music
4ill
your
body
and
soul.
I
have
chosen
these
for
their
subtlety..
all
the
slight
changes
and
nuances.
A
long
way
from
the
Black
Eyed
Peas
(who
I
also
love,
by
the
way,
just
not
as
a
trainer
of
my
hearing
connoisseurship).
Do
you
want
to
get
an
idea
of
other
great
music?
Here’s
a
nifty
trick.
When
you
see
a
pro4ile
of
a
beautiful
woman
online
who
you
4ind
sensual
and
intriguing,
the
kind
of
woman
you
want
to
meet
–
check
out
her
list
of
favorite
music.
Then
go
listen
to
it.
Eyes
closed.
Undistracted.
Not
merely
with
your
ears,
but
with
your
whole
being.
Let
the
music
4ill
your
body.
This
is
a
practice
that
opens
up
your
whole
body
as
an
ampli4ier.
Think
that
might
come
in
handy
in
the
bedroom?
Think
that
might
be
something
you
can
teach
a
woman
to
do
–
and
have
her
be
grateful
and
turned
on
by
your
lead?
3. Isolation Tanks
Have
you
ever
been
in
absolute
silence?
Can
you
imagine
taking
the
chunky
sound-‐soup
around
you
back
to
zero?
It’s
not
so
easy.
Even
in
your
bedroom,
your
electronics
might
be
humming
annoyingly.
When
I
hiked
the
Himalaya,
I
didn’t
hear
an
engine
for
6
full
weeks.
All
I
heard
were
the
voices
and
the
crunching
footsteps
of
my
co-‐trekkers
-‐
and
my
own
of
course.
There
weren’t
really
birds
that
I
remember.
Sometimes
we’d
hear
masses
of
snow
break
off
and
crash
into
canyons.
Sometimes,
we’d
hear
water
running
beneath
the
snow
and
ice.
And
we
would
hike
along
rushing
green
glacial
rivers.
And
only
when
we
returned
to
civilization
(a
mere
village)
I
found
that
I
was
awake
to
the
fact
that
there
was
chatter,
and
cooking
sounds
and
small
engines
and
motorcycles
–
noise!
Being in silence woke me up to hearing noise anew.
I
recommend
you
4ind
a
place
of
absolute
silence
in
your
life
–an
d
practice
savoring
it.
Maybe
it’s
the
woods
or
the
mountains
near
you.
Maybe
it’s
an
empty
church.
Maybe
it’s
a
room
in
your
house.
All
good.
This
is
practice
for
the
bedroom
-‐
which
I’ll
explain
in
Part
II
of
this
book
But
for
an
experience
unlike
any
other
–
4ind
a
sensory
deprivation
chamber
in
your
area.
There,
you
will
4loat
in
salinated
water
that
is
the
exact
temperature
of
your
body.
In
absolute
darkness.
In
absolute
silence.
Do
it.
I
won’t
say
anything
else
about
it
–
it
is
to
be
felt,
not
described.
But
it
is
an
extraordinary
experience.
Cultivating Touch
I
discovered
the
importance
of
touch
really
when
I
started
dating.
One
of
my
4irst
girlfriends
was
a
true
fashionista.
She
said
to
me
after
a
month
or
so,
“Adam,
you’re
a
great
guy
–
but
you
have
no
idea
how
to
dress.”
I
didn’t
argue.
I
was
a
full
time
L.A.
writer
and
father
of
young
kids.
I
spent
most
of
my
time
in
shorts
and
sweats.
She
taught
me
and
she
taught
me
good.
I
discovered
the
pleasures
of
handcrafted
Italian
shoes,
cashmere
(which
is
surprisingly
affordable
now)
and
600+
Egyptian
Cotton
sheets.
The
towels
in
her
house
made
mine
seem
like
sandpaper.
Her
pillows.
Her
carpets,
her
sofas,
everything
was
carefully
chosen
for
aesthetic
immersion.
But
you
and
I
don’t
have
to
be.
Did
you
ever
see
the
movie
or
play
“Sweeney
Todd?”
Sweeney,
who
was
a
master
barber,
sang
of
all
the
variations
of
women’s
blond
hair
–
“
When you learn the subtleties of variation – you see, feel, hear so much.
I
want
you
to
be
able
to
distinguish
the
difference
between
a
light,
medium
and
intense
scratch.
And
between
a
4inger-‐brush
and
light
press
all
the
way
through
a
sudden,
shocking
squeeze.
And
in
your
kisses
–
between
the
lightest
brush,
a
resting
of
lips
on
lips
and
a
penetrating
“claiming”
kiss.
The
more
you
know
how
to
sense
and
control
your
touch,
the
more
exquisite
pleasures
you
can
bring
out
in
your
women
–
as
well
as
elicit
exactly
the
kinds
of
touch
you
want
from
them.
Here
are
a
series
of
practices
to
wake
up
your
sense
of
touch
even
if
you
are
a
graduate
student.
Practice
#1:
Become
familiar
with
your
body
weight
(comes
in
handy
when
you’re
heavy
on
a
woman’s
arm
in
bed).
Simply,
become
conscious
of
how
your
body
and
gravity
are
dancing
with
each
other.
Be
body
aware,
like
a
kung-‐fu
master,
like
a
gymnast.
This
is
something
you
can
practice
right
now
and
any
time
during
the
day.
Just
right
now.
Read
this
and
feel
your
weight
in
your
chair.
What
parts
of
your
legs
are
touching
it.
What
about
your
feet”
What
are
they
up
to?
Are
they
on
the
4loor?
Folded
up?
How
is
your
weight
distributed?
And
the
parts
of
your
body.
What’s
your
tongue
doing?
What
does
it
feel
like?
What
about
your
genitals?
Can
you
feel
them
right
now?
Feel
how
your
body
touches
everything
and
anything
around
it.
Practice #2: Be aware of the touch and feel of your clothes.
Where
can
you
feel
your
clothing
touching
your
skin?
Is
it
pulling
anywhere?
Is
it
tight
anywhere?
Are
there
hard
buttons
touching
your
skin?
I
am
always
amazed
at
how
deeply
the
texture
of
clothes
affect
women’s
sensual
state.
If
you
can
have
a
polar
bear-‐style
rug
in
front
of
your
4ireplace
–
do
that!
Who
doesn't
to
feel
that
fur
on
their
4lame-‐warmed
skin?
Get
chamois
throw
blankets
that
are
just
so
cozy
to
cuddle
up
inside.
Check
the
feel
of
your
bedding.
Is
it
soft,
cozy
and
inviting?
Or
starchy,
stiff,
and
not
so
great
against
the
skin.
Oh
–
and
for
god-‐sakes,
know
how
to
touch
a
woman
–
4irmly
but
at
the
same
time,
as
if
you’re
cupping
a
fragile
egg.
I’ll
talk
more
about
touch
in
the
“during
sex”
section
but
for
now,
in
preparation
–
if
you
want
to
make
her
your
devoted
love
slave
–
learn
how
to
give
an
erotic
massage.
Find
someone
local
who
is
really
good
–
and
have
her
teach
you.
Note
on
clothes:
wear
cashmere
when
you
go
on
Mirst
dates.
It’s
not
expensive
anymore.
Women
are
naturally
allured
to
materials
like
this,
and
they
will
stroke
your
arms
and
chest.
Almost
like
they
can’t
help
it.
Like
you’re
a
pet.
Amazing
sex,
connected
sex,
the
kind
of
sex
where
you
two
(or
three
or
more)
take
a
journey
together
into
deeper
vulnerability,
edge-‐play,
self-‐
and
mutual-‐
knowledge,
that
requires
the
rest
of
your
integrated
life.
Speci4ically,
it
means
increasing
her
arousal
–
and
teaching
how
to
increase
yours
by
bringing
to
bear
(1)
your
emotional,
(2)
your
mental
and
(3)
your
spiritual
lives.
Let’s
look
now
into
how
you
can
prepare
her
in
these
three
ways
for
the
most
exciting
and
satisfying
sexual
encounters
possible.
A: Emotional Foreplay
Safety…
Ø We
all
have
core
fears.
For
men,
our
core
fear
is
status
and
the
loss
of
status
triggers
shame.
For
women,
the
core
fear
is
physical
and
emotional
safety.
And
the
loss
of
physical
safety
causes
anxiety
of
isolation
which
causes
withdrawal
and
anxiety.
And
that
doesn’t
bode
well
for
sexuality.
Ø Try
to
make
your
woman
feel
safe
in
all
possible
ways.
Let
her
know
that
you
are
in
safe
hands.
Talk
about
your
family,
your
brothers
and
sisters,
your
parents
–
so
she
can
feel
that
you
are
whole
man,
and
not
just
a
predator.
Have
her
look
at
your
Facebook
page
or
ask
her
to
google
or
linkedin
you
so
you
are
not
just
some
random
stranger.
Ø Let
her
know
that
she
is
safe
with
you
in
speci4ic
ways.
When
I
meet
a
girl
online
and
we
are
to
meet
in
a
city
far
from
my
home
and
she
has
to
travel
–
I
tell
her
I’ll
get
two
beds
and
I’ll
honor
her
space
if
she
wants
to
sleep
in
her
own.
And
I
do
honor
that.
Ø If
you
meet
online,
give
you're
your
number
4irst,
be
open
and
transparent.
Tell
her
that
you
will
meet
in
a
public
place
and
that
you
take
women’s
safety
concerns
seriously.
Make
it
easy
for
her
to
trust
you
(and
never
break
that
trust
–
you
can
scar
a
person
for
life)
Ø Prioritize
curiosity
over
her
breasts.
Unskilled
men
will
text
women
about
how
hot
they
are
and
talk
about
their
body
parts
thinking
that
turns
them
on.
Instead,
connect
her
physical
beauty
to
her
personhood.
“I
can’t
wait
to
see
that
naughty
gleam
you
get
in
your
eye
when
you
think
of
a
great
new
adventure.”
Ø Use
the
word
“respect.”
Women
will
be
more
open
to
you
when
they
know
you
respect
her
opinions,
her
taste,
her
choices,
her
relationships,
her
creativity,
her
art.
Especially
attractive
women
who
rightfully
suspect
guys
are
hitting
on
them
to
bolster
their
egos.
So
make
a
real
point
of
honoring
and
respecting
these
things
I
just
mentioned.
Pay
particular
attention
to
any
challenges
she’s
overcome
or
dif4icult
decisions
she’s
made.
Show
her
that
you
honor
the
person
she
is,
and
she
will
relax
into
your
embrace.
Cherishment
Ø Let
her
know
in
texts
and
emails
and
phone
calls
what
you
cherish
about
her.
“I
can’t
stop
thinking
about
the
way
you
girlishly
giggle
when
you’re
turned
on.”
“I
was
just
thinking
of
the
way
you
were
talking
to
that
little
old
lady
at
lunch
yesterday
–
you
are
a
fountain
of
love.”
Ø Start
a
text…
“You
know
what
I
adore
about
you…?”
Then
wait
and
don’t
answer
until
she
responds.
You
can
keep
the
tension
going.
which
raises
the
foreplay
level.
You
can
say
in
response,
“Hmmmmm….
where
do
I
start?”
When
she
gets
restless
and
tells
you
just
to
start,
then
you
can
say,
“The
third
most
important
thing
I
cherish
about
you
is…”
Then
tell
her.
She
will
of
course
ask
for
#2
and
#1.
Use
words
like
cherish
and
adore
instead
of
love.
And
remember,
holding
sexual
tension
without
letting
it
resolve
too
soon
is
one
of
the
most
powerful
techniques
you
can
employ
–
in
bed,
or
before.
Ø Linger
over
her
words,
her
art,
her
insights
the
way
you
might
linger
over
her
nipples.
Stay
with
it,
roll
it
around.
Give
her
the
gift
of
your
savoring
attention
around
her
emotional
and
creative
reality
the
same
way
you
would
her
body.
So
few
men
do
this.
Ask
deeper
questions.
Lead
her
deeper
into
expressing
her
emotional
truths.
As
she
does,
never
make
fun.
Express
deeper
and
deeper
appreciation
of
her
story
and
how
she
has
been
navigating
it
until
now.
Ø Let
her
know
how
she
impacts
you
emotionally.
Tell
her
that
since
last
night,
you’ve
had
this
beautiful
quiet
joy
in
your
body.
And
it’s
so
strong
you’re
worried
that
your
colleagues
will
notice
(this
creates
a
nice
“secret”
between
the
two
of
you.).
Ø Help
her
emotionally
love
her
body.
Most
women
4ind
fault
with
their
bodies.
And
the
more
you
can
help
her
love
her
body,
the
more
she
will
desire
to
show
it
to
and
share
it
with
you.
So
start
that
process
early.
You
can
never
tell
a
woman
she’s
beautiful
too
many
times.
§ “Does
this
make
me
look
fat?”
“You
look
perfect!
Beautiful!”
§ “Do
you
like
this
dress?”
“You
look
perfect!
Beautiful!”
Ø If
you
are
together,
stop
for
a
moment
and
totally
drink
her
in.
Stare
adoringly.
She
will
ask
“what”?
And
you
will
say,
“I
was
just
struck
by
how
exquisitely
beautiful
you
are.”
Ø Admire
parts
of
her
other
men
have
missed.
Most
guys
will
complement
a
woman’s
smile,
eyes,
her
“4igure.”
And
yeah,
sometimes
that
works.
But
REAL
foreplay
is
grounded
in
your
being
a
scholar
of
her
body
and
life
story.
So
pick
out
unusual
things
about
her
body.
Her
breastbone.
The
hollow
of
her
neck
(run
the
back
of
your
4ingernails
or
your
lips
along
that).
The
curvature
of
her
belly
into
her
hip.
Her
long,
sinuous
4ingers.
Your
very
paying
attention
to
the
less
commented-‐upon
parts
of
her
body
wakes
her
up
to
the
fact
that
you
are
different.
That
you
are
more
of
a
connoisseur,
that
you
really
appreciate
her
in
new
ways.
Emotionally
you
are
helping
her
discover
her
beauty
anew.
Ø Similarly-‐
cherish
parts
of
her
life
story
that
others
may
not.
The
4irst
task
here
is
to
actually
remember
what
she’s
told
you!
The
second
task
is
to
pay
close
attention
–
and
feel
into
what
makes
HER
feel
great
about
herself.
In
my
book
on
online
dating,
Deep
Online
Attraction,
I
call
this
“singing
to
her
idealized
self.”
That
means
reading
her
pro4ile,
or
listening
closely
–
and
then
singing
praise
more
or
less,
cherishing,
adoring
what
she
most
loves
about
herself.
It
is
a
powerful
way
to
create
deep
rapport
with
her.
B: Mental Foreplay
You
do
know
that
a
woman’s
most
powerful
sexual
organ
is
her
imagination,
right?
That
men
love
porno
with
some
guy
pounding
some
chick.
But
women
love
romance
novels,
with
imagery
and
atmosphere,
and
passion
and
ardor
slowly
building
creating
all
the
arousal
they
need.
Well at least enough to make the vibrator in her other hand do the trick.
Ø “rehearse”
what
you
are
going
to
do
with
her…
what
she
will
feel
–
tell
her
on
the
phone
or
in
person,
or
open
a
long
“add
an
adventure
story
over
text
all
day
long
this
gets
her
focuses
Ø
give
her
mini
vacations
–
this
gets
her
sensually
fantasizing
–
and
it’s
a
damn
sight
better
than
school,
or
work
or
the
daily
struggle.
Ø Be
sure,
when
you
spin
out
fantasy
vacations
or
any
kind
of
future
planning
that
it’s
not
unearned
for
her.
You
can’t
be
a
doomat.
One
of
my
favorite
ways
of
framing
the
future
is
with
a
clear
dominant
yet
gentle
mode:
“Here’s
what
we’re
going
to
do.”
But
then
add
quali4ication
to
the
mix:
“if
you’re
good/
if
you’re
very,
very
good/
if
you’re
very
naughty/
if
I
decide
you’ve
earned
it”
etc…
C: Spiritual Foreplay
Well,
it’s
all
spiritual
foreplay,
really,
because
you
are
waking
up
her
yearning
to
connect
with
something
larger
than
herself.
But
there
is
spiritual
and
there
is
spiritual!
One
of
my
favorite
writers
and
teachers
is
Michael
Mirdad.
In
his
Introduction
to
Tantra
and
Sacred
Sex,
he
makes
a
valuable
distinction
between
the
“heights”
and
the
“depths”
of
sex.
Both
are
fantastic
–
but
its
important
for
you
–
and
your
lover
–
to
know
in
which
4ield
you
are
playing
so
that
you
connect
more
directly
and
without
misunderstanding
and
disappointment.
The
“heights”
of
sex,
as
he
describes
it,
is
often
described
as
“great”
sex
–
and
often
occurs
with
a
stranger,
or
a
new
lover
or
someone
“bad”
or
“naughty”
or
beyond
your
usual
boundaries.
As
he
writes…
Because
Mirdad’s
work
is
focused
on
creating
sacred
sex,
he
is
very
aware
of
the
limitations
of
this
kind
of
sexing.
However,
he
also
recognizes
that
there
is
a
place
for
it,
and
that
this
energy
can
be
brought
into
even
the
deepest
or
sacred
sex.
The
truth
is,
sometimes,
we
all
want
this
kind
of
sex.
Sometimes
we
don’t
have
the
energy
or
patience
to
go
deep
with
our
lovers.
And
honestly,
sometimes
they
don’t
want
it
either!
Let’s
be
real.
One
young
lover
of
mine
told
me
about
a
guy
she
had
been
with
who
had
been
getting
deep
into
Tantra,
which
began
to
drive
her
crazy.
One
day
she
yelled
at
him,
“Stop
staring
into
my
god-‐damned
eyes
and
just
fuck
me
already!”
I
tell
you
this
story
because
I
don't
you
to
feel
that
you
have
to
judge
yourself
because
you
are
not
having
sacred
sex
all
the
time.
What
I
DO
want
for
you
is
that
you
and
your
lover
are
on
the
same
page,
so
that
one
or
other
of
you
doesn’t
feel
heart-‐devastated
when
you
4inish
your
sexing
and
you
both
look
back
at
what
just
happened
between
you.
If
you
one
of
you
wants
deep
connection
and
the
other
is
checked
out,
that
is
painful.
Don’t
check
out.
Stay
connected
and
let
each
other
know
what
you
want.
Now, a relationship focusing on the depths of sex, on the other hand…
“…accesses
the
soul
of
both
partners.
It
is
known
as
“making
love,”
and
is
referred
to
in
yogic
traditions
as
sattva,
or
sex
that
is
wholistic.
The
depths
of
sex
encourage
both
partners
to
make
use
of
their
bodies,
minds,
and
souls
to
access
each
other’s
heart.
This
type
of
interaction
between
partners
provides
the
safety
to
explore
the
darker
issues
and
inhibitions
that
may
arise
during
a
truly
intimate
sexual
experience.”
This
is
where
your
–
and
her
-‐
true
unmasking
begins,
as
I
discussed
in
the
introduction
to
this
book.
Ancient
Hebrew
is
a
fascinating
and
profound
spiritual
language.
You
will
note
that
in
Genesis,
it
does
not
say
that
“Adam
banged
Eve.”
It
says
and
“Adam
knew
Eve.”
To
know
someone
through
her
masks,
through
her
veils,
through
all
the
little
lies
she
may
be
telling
the
world
and
telling
herself
–
this
is
what
Mirdad
is
referring
to
by
the
“depths”
of
sex.
You
are
penetrating
beyond
the
surface
and
revealing
both
your
authentic,
unguarded,
naked
selves.
This
is
important:
you
may
not
want
to
reveal
your
deepest
authentic
unmasked
self
to
everyone
you
have
sex
with!
Not
everyone
is
trustable.
Not
everyone
is
someone
who
you
want
to
share
that
with.
I
just
want
you
to
have
the
tools
to
play
in
both
arenas,
and
bring
the
best
of
each
to
your
lover,
as
need
be.
Also,
remember,
you
can
blend
the
two.
I,
and
one
of
my
favorite
lovers,
like
to
use
the
term
“love-‐banging”
for
what
we
leap
into.
Both
deeply
connected
and
raucously
fun
and
feral
–
playful,
forceful
-‐
but
also
deeply
cherishing.
The
only
limit
to
the
range
of
your
lovemaking
is
how
much
you
limit
your
creativity
and
the
openness
of
your
heart.
I
want
to
say
a
few
more
words
about
“sacred
sexuality”
since
it
is
not
usually
taught
well
in
popular
culture.
It
is
often
ridiculed
or
considered
something
foreign.
It
is
not.
It
is,
I
believe,
your
truest
desire,
beneath
all
your
fears
and
self-‐
doubts.
It
may
lie
just
beyond
your
current
habits,
or
your
history
–
but
it
is
available
to
you,
with
practice,
with
focus
and
with
the
desire…
Without
getting
too
deep
into
Tantra
and
the
origins
and
practices
of
sacred
sex,
lets
just
say
that
sacred
or
“spiritual”
sex
involves
not
just
your
bodies
being
connected
to
each
other,
but
both
of
you
also
being
connected
to
the
life
force
that
drives
all
motion,
all
animate
being
and
that
grows
us
and
4lows
through
us
and
of
which
we
are
all
an
inextricable
part.
Some
call
life
force,
“God”
–
you
know
how
I
feel
about
that
word.
It’s
a
word
so
overused
and
fraught
with
nonsense,
I
consider
it
useless.
Some
call
it
“Divinity”
or
“oneness”
which
is
a
little
better.
At
least
that
doesn’t
have
a
beard
and
take
glee
in
killing
goats
and
birds
for
sacri4ices.
I
don’t
care
what
your
religious
beliefs
are,
the
truth
is
that
we,
as
human
animals,
are
part
of
a
continuum
of
a
life
that
includes
paramecia,
donkeys,
sword4ish,
grass
–
all
of
it.
There
is
some
force
causes
us
all
to
grow,
evolve,
procreate.
We,
as
humans,
just
seem
to
be
the
most
conscious
of
life
as
we
know
it.
In
fact,
a
cool
idea
that
moves
me
is
that
we,
as
human
beings,
are
the
universe,
or
the
life
force
becoming
conscious
of
itself.
Although I believe that we are just at the birth of that process.
One
of
my
favorite
expressions
where
you
can
FEEL
the
power
of
this
life
force
is
in
the
opening
lines
of
Dylan
Thomas’s
poem,
named
for
it’s
4irst
line…
The
force
that
through
the
green
fuse
drives
the
Mlower
Drives
my
green
age;
that
blasts
the
roots
of
trees
Is
my
destroyer.
And
I
am
dumb
to
tell
the
crooked
rose
My
youth
is
bent
by
the
same
wintry
fever.
[note:
how
sensitive
you
can
become
to
the
very
“sound”
of
words
–
it’s
useful
when
you
are
romancing
a
woman,
or
fantasy-‐talking
her
during
sex]
I
am
not
separate
from
all
the
life
blooming,
gnashing
and
fornicating
around
me.
I am not creating my physical life. It is done through me.
And
THAT’s
the
part
of
“spiritual”
sex
I
want
you
to
connect
to
–
so
you
can
bring
your
partner
into
that
experience,
if
she’s
not
doing
it
naturally.
To
drop
the
social
self,
the
mental
self,
and
join
the
raw,
physical
4low
of
life
–
brutal,
gentle,
beautiful,
chaotic,
soothing,
nourishing,
birthing,
dying…
all
of
it.
It
is
an
exquisite
pleasure
when
you
can
let
go
of
your
thoughts
and
dissolve
into
the
thrumming
of
life
all
around
you.
[Admittedly
it’s
not
always
so
easy
to
do.
Sometimes
you
need
help.
There
are
kinds
of
meditation
that
will
get
you
there.
There
is
holotropic
breathing.
And
there
are
“medicines”
–
from
psilocybin
mushrooms
to
Ayahuasca
–
powerful
natural
consciousness
expanders
that
open
you
to
just
how
much
feeling
and
perception
is
available
to
you.]
I
learned
another
metaphor
from
Michael
Mirdad
in
a
dialogue
I
did
with
him
for
Evolver
Learning
Labs.
I
highly
suggest
you
go
and
download
this
series,
by
the
way
–
I
interviewed
several
profound
teachers
of
advanced
sexuality.
Go
here:
http://evolverlearninglab.com/
There
is
a
sun
and
a
million
rays
of
light
shooting
out
into
darkness.
Where
do
we
4it
in?
We
are
those
rays
of
light
–
currently
conscious
on
the
outmost
tip
of
our
own
personal
ray
–
eyes
forward,
staring
out
into
darkness.
We
can
freak
out
over
the
fact
that
we
are
hurtling
into
darkness!
And
we
often
do.
Or
we
can
try
to
cling
to
the
ray
next
to
us
for
perceived
security
(gangs,
marriages,
nations,
allegiances
of
all
kinds)
–
but
the
fact
is
that
we’re
still
shooting
out
into
darkness,
into
the
unknown
and
death.
It’s okay – here’s another way to feel where we are in the universe…
We
can
stare
outward,
or,
from
time
to
time,
we
can
turn
around
and
gaze
upon
the
brilliance
of
the
light,
of
our
common
origin
and
source.
Whatever
the
heck
it
is
that
gives
vitality
to
all
life
-‐
that
force,
that
source
that
connects
us
all
is
an
always-‐available
place
where
we
can
ground
ourselves
–
even
and
especially
during
sexual
encounters.
And that, my friend, can change everything, and in an instant.
Suddenly,
we
are
not
two
separate
bodies
thrashing
around
in
some
bed
sheets.
Instead,
we
are
two
parts
of
a
mysterious,
loving,
vital
whole,
rejoining
for
the
moment,
intertwining,
but
not
separate.
Two
faces
of
an
in4inite
coin.
Two
4lumes
of
water
in
an
in4inite
stream
–
not
two
cymbals
clapping
against
each
other.
“Sacred”
sex,
for
our
purposes
here,
is
a
practice
where
you
can
bring
your
lover
into
the
awareness
that
you
are
not
separate,
that
you
are
equally
beautiful
and
tender
and
raw
and
hungry
–
and
parts
of
the
same
whole.
Age
means
nothing,
status
means
nothing.
The
outside
world
of
getting
and
spending
means
nothing.
You
are
two
expressions
of
the
godhead,
of
the
headwaters
of
life
expressing
itself
through
your
bodies
and
minds.
There
are
ways
of
playing
with
this,
by
the
way,
verbally,
as
you
get
deeper
and
deeper
into
this
level
of
sex.
Rather
than
the
kind
of
dirty
talk
you
see
in
porn,
“oh,
yeah,
I’m
gonna
fuck
you,
you
slut!”
–
you
can
open
her
up
to
whole
new
visions
of
life
4lowing
through
her
gorgeous
body.
This
may
take
practice,
but
experiment
and
let
the
poetry
4low
through
you.
Here
are
some
starters…
You
are
like
a
lush,
fertile
Mield,
and
I
am
a
warm
geyser,
exploding
up
into
you….
Driving
you
upward,
upward,
Milling
you…
raising
you…
You
are
a
cave
of
soft
stone
and
I
am
Milling
you
like
a
rushing
river…
can
you
feel
your
soft
walls
expanding
as
I
Mill
you
with
the
force
of
a
thousand
rivers
Mlowing
into
you….
Your
legs
are
like
two
streams,
wholly
open
and
spread
at
the
bottom
of
a
booming
waterfall
–
feel
me,
feel
this
as
I
Mill
you
like
the
unrelenting
rush
of
a
mighty
waterfall…
Yes,
I
know
this
is
not
usual
day-‐to-‐day
language.
There
is
poetry
and
imagination
in
it.
It
may
sound
weird
to
you
now,
not
in
the
throes
of
passion.
But
play
with
this
as
she
is
opening
to
you
in
the
bedroom.
I
have
experimented
with
nature
imagery
like
this
–
on
one
occasion,
4illing
her
with
my
body
while
narrating
how
my
body
was
like
thick
tree
roots
penetrating
in
through
her
womb,
growing,
enlarging
–
and
even
pushing
out
through
her
other
ori4ices
and
even
her
pores…
…
and
we
found
three
notes
on
her
apartment
door
in
the
morning,
asking
us
to
keep
it
down
during
the
night.
So yeah, does this kind of sacred verbal play have an impact?
Much has been written about the masculine and the feminine.
In
work
culture,
it
gets
very
confusing
because
we
should
all
be
equals
and
treat
each
other
with
the
respect
earned
by
merit.
But it’s very different in the bedroom. It’s very different around sexuality.
Women
generally
yearn
to
surrender
to
a
trustable,
strong
man
who
can
lead
them
in
an
enlightened
way.
Yes,
plenty
of
low-‐esteem
women
just
want
to
be
dominated
and
they
don’t
care
so
much
about
respect
–
they
just
need
the
attention
of
a
man
–
and
surrendering
their
bodies
get
them
that.
But
when
we
talk
about
the
really
cool
women,
women
who
are
more
conscious
and
experimental,
in
touch
with
their
inner
worlds
and
how
have
higher
self
esteem
–
well,
they
ALSO
want
to
surrender.
But
not
just
to
anybody.
Because
they
have
developed
a
more
self-‐reliant
character
“in
the
world”
–
you’ve
got
out
masculine
their
own
“masculine”
traits.
You’ve
got
to
demonstrate
–
by
the
con4idence
with
which
you
carry
yourself,
by
the
ways
in
which
you
boldly
stand
for
the
principles
that
motivate
you,
by
your
unshakeability
and
“paternal”
equilibrium
–
that
you
are
more
“man”
than
she
is.
Don’t
underestimate
this!
Young
women
in
NY
complain
to
me
that
men
don’t
“take
the
lead.”
All
they
ask
to
do
is
“hang
out”
sometime,
to
“chill.”
Women
can’t
surrender
to
you
unless
you
take
the
lead!
And
in
LA,
it’s
the
same.
I
met
with
one
incredibly
sexy
Latina
women
who
loved
strong
men
but
found
that
men
there
were
less
motivated
than
her,
less
persistent,
didn’t
get
shit
done
and
in
general
were
“waiting”
for
fortune
to
shine
on
them
rather
than
kicking
fortune’s
ass
and
making
it
get
in
line.
“What
you’re
telling
me,”
I
said,
“is
that
you’re
looking
for
a
man
with
a
bigger
cock
than
you.”
Women
can’t
surrender,
they
can’t
take
the
feminine
role
if
you
don’t
take
the
masculine
role.
The
more
you
play
the
nice
guy,
the
guy
who
doesn’t
embody
sexuality
early
and
naturally,
the
guy
who
allows
her
to
take
the
lead
setting
plans
or
taking
care
of
business
–
the
less
sexuallly
polarized
she
will
be.
What
is
polarization?
Think
of
a
magnetic
pole.
If
one
end
is
highly
charged
(masculine)
the
other
end
will
be
highly
charged
(feminine).
If
you
abdicate
your
masculine
role
and
sink
down
to
the
un-‐sexually
charged
middle
–
the
realm
of
the
nice
guy,
the
asexual
of4ice
type
relationship
–
then
she
will
also
slip
there.
Too
many
men,
confused
by
how
assertive
is
socially
acceptable,
never
“make
their
move.”
They
remain
in
the
famous,
dreaded
“Friend
zone.”
You
MUST
let
women
know
that
you
are
sexually
interested
in
them
–
not
in
a
gross,
salivating
way,
but
in
a
con4ident
“this
is
my
will”
way.
As
David
Deida
wisely
says,
women
can
sense
how
you
might
be
in
the
bedroom
by
how
you
assert
your
will
in
the
world,
how
you
achieve
your
success,
how
you
make
things
happen.
In
his
words,
“how
you
penetrate
the
world
is
how
you
penetrate
women”
–
and
the
other
way
around.
Practice
making
your
will
felt
–
not
in
a
bullying,
domineering
way,
but
in
clean
intent,
expressed
without
apology
or
neediness.
A
couple
of
years
ago,
I
met
a
gorgeous
23
year
old
at
a
conference.
Her
name
sounded
familiar.
She
was
whip-‐smart
and
I
was
4lirting
and
joking
with
her
when
she
said…
I didn’t hesitate. I held her eyes and said, “you’re really more my age range.”
This highly con4ident young women suddenly got 4lustered and blushed.
I wasn’t weird about it. I simply stated my truth, openly and honestly.
I
could
have
then
quali4ied,
“but
only
if
you,
as
a
young
woman,
possess
a
sense
of
wisdom,
free-‐spiritedness
an
adventurous
beyond
your
years.
Are
you
that
kind
of
woman?”
Hard
for
a
girl
to
say
no
to
that!
Even
if
they
have
no
interest
in
dating
older
men.
As
it
turns
out,
when
I
asked
her
her
moms’
name,
I
discovered
I
DID
date
her
mom!
Back
when
she
was
in
her
late
thirties.
One
of
the
4irst
women
I
met
online.
You
polarize
a
woman
sexually
by
inhabiting
your
sexual
self.
Not
in
a
needy
or
creepy
way,
but
in
a
calm,
I-‐deserve-‐the-‐best,
no
pretention
kind
of
way.
I
expect
the
best
in
my
life.
It’s
just
natural.
The “friend zone” only happens if you let it happen!
When
you
meet
a
woman,
hold
her
gaze.
Touch
her
lightly
upon
the
arm
or
knee
or
lower
back.
Push
her
hair
out
of
her
mouth
and
in
general,
treat
her
like
your
4iancée.
Take
care
of
her
without
hesitation,
as
if
you’ve
already
been
going
out
for
a
year!
The
working
principle
here
is
act
as
if
you
are
already
a
sexually
involved
couple.
Assume
the
role
naturally.
This
is
how
you
accelerate
the
feeling
of
intimacy
and
allow
women
to
relax
into
your
care.
Let’s
now
look
at
a
few
ways
that
you
can
POLARIZE
her
early
and
often
into
her
feminine
by
taking
the
more
masculine
role.
Women
notice
–viscerally
–
if
you
are
leaning
over
full
of
neediness
and
crippled
by
the
desire
for
approval
just
by
the
way
you
stand.
They
notice
if
you
4idget.
If
you
chew
gum
nervously.
If
you
shake
your
leg.
If
you
cross
your
arms
over
your
chest
protectively.
If
you
put
your
hands
in
and
out
of
your
pockets
nervously.
If
you
nod
too
much.
If
your
head
is
tilted
when
you
listen
like
a
submissive
puppy
rather
than
straight,
upward
and
proud,
like
a
powerful
man.
Here’s
what
you
do…
You
want
to
stand
solid.
You
want
to
keep
your
hips
square
and
forward,
not
with
weight
on
one
leg,
like
a
dancer
(although
there
are
times
when
that
sensual,
almost
feminine
quality
about
you
can
be
seductive
to
women).
You
want
to
keep
your
hands
still
and
un4idgety,
by
your
side.
You
want
to
keep
your
spine
straight,
your
head
as
if
there
were
an
invisible
string
at
your
crown
pulling
your
neck
and
spine
straight
up
toward
the
heavens
-‐
and
your
energy
solid
and
contained
and
still.
In
addition,
a
solid
presence
indicates
your
ability
to
lead.
To
claim
a
woman.
To
allow
her
to
relax
in
your
arms
so
she
can
relax
into
bliss.
Remember,
foreplay
is
not
merely
how
you
directly
interact
with
her,
it’s
allowing
her
to
feel
who
you
are.
So
how
to
you
practice
masculine
solidity?
First,
practice
stillness
in
social
situations.
Don’t
nod.
Give
little
reaction,
without
being
weird
about
it.
Listen
intently
and
with
no
motion.
Move
as
little
as
possible.
When
you
do
move,
move
as
if
you
are
under
water.
Slowly,
deliberately.
And
when
it
comes
to
breath
–
breathe
deeply
and
slowly,
drawing
air
all
the
way
down
to
the
base
of
your
belly
and
your
balls.
You
may
not
see
the
difference,
but
women
feel
it.
They
are
put
at
easy
by
a
man
who
breathes
deeply
–
and
put
on
edge
by
a
man
who
breathes
quickly
and
shallowly
to
the
top
of
his
lungs.
These
practices
may
feel
strange
at
4irst,
but
you
will
discover
that
you
possess
a
sexy,
polarizing
masculine
energy
that
you
may
have
been
missing
out
on
all
these
years.
With
practice,
they
will
become
more
natural
to
you,
and
you
will
start
to
notice
that
women
treat
you
differently.
The
truth
is
this:
the
more
masculine
you
are
in
your
body
(still,
solid,
strong,
conserving
your
energy
almost
as
an
echo
of
saving
yourself
for
the
sudden
strike
of
a
hunter),
the
more
feminine
she
will
be.
Watch
it
happen:
she
will
move
more,
4low
more,
dance
around
your
stillness
more.
She
will
show
submissive
signs
to
create
rapport
with
you,
laugh
more,
touch
you
more,
sway
more.
When
you
are
not
physically
around
women,
you
can
cultivate
your
masculine
by
practicing
masculine
sports
–
boxing,
cross-‐4it,
MMA.
These
put
you
in
the
habit
of
honing
energy
conservations,
explosiveness,
awareness,
readiness.
They
increase
body
coordination
and
reduce
stress
and
4idgetiness.
Do
them.
Remember
–
your
body
is
your
resume.
She
will
read
it
in
an
instant
if
it
is
sexually
masculine
or
sexually
neutral.
One
enhances
foreplay,
the
other
ends
it
Polarization
Practice
#2:
Quiet
Competence
Men
in
our
sanitized
culture
have
become
wimps.
They
get
grossed-‐
out
by
shit
stains,
menstrual
stains,
female
sweat,
leg
hair
–
by
our
actual
feral,
primal
bodies.
There
is
a
sexuality
in
the
perfectly
waxed
beauty,
yes,
absolutely.
But
the
more
you
can
embrace
all
of
reality
and
maintain
your
center,
the
more
powerful
and
sexier
you
are
as
a
man.
If
you’re
too
“metrosexual,”
how
is
she
going
to
sense
that
when
you
hit
the
mattress,
you’re
not
going
to
be
the
guy
who
can
drive
her
into
1000
orgasms
by
devouring
her
pussy,
or
by
4lipping
her
over
and
pounding
her
silly,
as
well
as
clutching
her
sweaty
body
close
and
sucking
all
that
sweat
off
her
skin
without
fear
or
the
“ew”
factor.
Most
women
want
you
to
ravish
them,
not
merely
wine-‐and-‐dine
them.
So
lick
her
tears.
Never
wince
at
blood
or
snot.
Embrace
your
body,
her
body
and
the
wildness
of
our
physical
world
without
fear
or
retraction.
Your
welcoming
of
the
natural,
messy,
wild,
erotic
spectrum
of
existence
is
a
signal
to
her
than
you
can
play
that
whole
spectrum
in
bed
–
and
with
her
body.
And
the
more
you
accept
her
in
her
wholeness,
the
more
she
will
relax
and
offer
you
her
wholeness,
in
all
its
raw
and
un-‐restrained
fullness.
(Remember,
no
matter
how
beautiful
and
“perfect”
her
body
may
be,
she’s
likely
to
be
self-‐conscious
about
her
smells,
her
stains,
her
farts
etc.
When
air
comes
out
of
her
after
sex,
and
she’s
embarrassed,
just
kiss
her
even
more
deeply
and
tell
her
“all
of
you
is
sexy.
I
want
all
of
you.”
These
are
magic
words
to
a
woman,
because
they
allow
her
to
relax.
Which
allows
her
to
surrender
to
you
even
more
deeply.)
Women
generally
want
you
to
take
the
lead.
They
hate
the
old
“I
don’t
know,
what
do
you
want
to
do
tonight?”
back
and
forth.
They
want
to
feel
that
you
can
take
the
lead
socially
–
which
indicates
to
them
that
you
can
take
the
lead
sexually
in
the
bedroom
“I’m picking you up at 7. Wear something slinky. Heels.”
Or
“Here’s
your
homework.
Pack
a
bag.
All
you
need
is
a
bikini
and
something
to
wear
to
the
pool.
Plus
one
outMit
for
an
outdoor
dinner
–
something
so
everyone
there
knows
I’ve
got
the
sexiest
girl
in
the
place.
Beyond
that,
you
can
relax.
I’ve
got
it
all
taken
care
of.”
With
all
the
advances
of
feminism,
with
all
the
lionizing
of
self-‐reliance
–
there
is
still
nothing
sexier
for
a
woman
than
a
man
who
can
take
the
lead
and
let
them
relax.
As
in
the
world,
so
in
the
bedroom.
This
is
why
I
say:
“state
the
date.”
If
you
have
the
tendency
to
be
too
deferential,
then
work
hard
to
get
out
of
“asking
permission”
mode.
And
into
“enlightened
leader”
mode.
Note,
when
I
talk
about
sexually
charged
leadership
,
I’m
not
taking
about
being
a
bully
or
being
bossy.
Rather,
leading
her
means
thinking
of
her
good,
her
pleasure
her
opening
-‐
and
taking
the
lead.
If
she
doesn't
want
it,
or
has
issues
about
it
or
isn’t
ready
for
it
–
you
can
raise
the
question
and
tease
out
why
she
resists
masculine
leadership
(remember,
there
could
be
abuse
or
abandonment
in
her
background)
-‐
or,
you
are
free
to
move
on.
But
if
you
are
too
deferential
and
let
her
take
the
lead
–
you
will
NEVER
meet
date
and
enjoy
the
women
you
most
desire.
The
bottom
line
of
sexual
polarity,
as
I
have
stated
in
20
different
ways,
is
to
strip
yourself
of
any
neediness.
You
want
to
be
–
you
have
to
be
-‐
the
ride
she
wants
to
take.
You
want
to
invite
her
up
into
your
more
interesting
life.
Your
life
doesn’t
have
to
be
perfect.
It
doesn’t
have
to
be
ideal.
It
doesn’t
have
to
be
laden
with
wealth.
But
in
all
ways,
“invite
her
up.”
Invite
her
into
activities
and
passions
that
you
are
already
planning
on
doing,
in
which
you
already
are
indulging,
which
you
already
enjoy.
Invite
her
up
into
fun.
Up
into
new
experiences
and
crowds.
Up
into
learning
and
excitement.
If
you
have
a
history
of
being
more
submissive
and
not
assertive,
you
want
an
extra
sexual
edge,
so
I
suggest
that
you
“pre-‐frame”
her
by
telling
her
in
different
ways
that
what
makes
her
different
is
that
she
is
“adventurous”
and
“spontaneous”
and
“free-‐spirited.”
There
is
a
principle
called
“consistency”
described
well
in
the
book
In4luence,
by
Professor
Robert
Cialdini
–
where
people,
when
they
accept
a
de4inition
of
themselves,
feel
a
subconscious
compulsion
to
stay
consistent
with
that
de4inition.
So
if
you
let
her
know
that
you
love
her
open,
free-‐spirited
nature
she
will
try
to
live
up
to
that.
You
are
polarizing
her.
Is
that
manipulative?
Well,
if
you’re
trying
to
“do”
something
to
her,
to
get
something
from
her
and
then
quickly
dump
her,
yes.
But
if
you
genuinely
care
about
opening
her
to
new
experience,
to
feeling
new
parts
of
herself,
to
delight,
to
the
adventure
of
living,
then
no.
You
are
doing
both
yourself
and
her
a
favor.
These
are
reliable
guidelines
to
inspire
her
desire
for
you.
In
the
last
15
years
there
have
been
more
and
more
studies
on
the
“science”
of
desire.
Here
are
some
conclusions
drawn
from
studies
conducted
by
University
of
Texas
at
Austin
professors,
Cindy
M.
Meston,
Ph.D.
and
David
M.
Buss,
Ph.D.,
coauthors
of
the
provocative
book,
Why
Women
Have
Sex:
Understanding
Sexual
Motivations
from
Adventure
to
Revenge
(and
Everything
in
Between),
For
a
better
understanding
of
how
to
get
her
in
the
mood,
consider
the
following
seven
factors
that
Meston
and
Buss
say
affects
a
woman’s
libido:
According
to
Meston
and
Buss,
women
are
turned
on
by
a
man’s
face,
body
and
movement,
more
so
than
by
rippling
abs
and
bulging
biceps.
Men
create
those
that
to
impress
other
men!
“Sexually,
women
are
attracted
to
men
with
masculine
features,
although
not
too
masculine,”
they
explain.
“A
little
light
stubble
is
usually
a
turn-‐on
for
women
if
it’s
clean
and
well-‐kept.
Body-‐wise,
women
generally
4ind
men
with
a
V-‐shaped
torso
or
a
high
shoulder-‐to-‐hip
ratio
sexually
attractive.
Which
is
why
I
recommend
The
Adonis
Effect
so
strongly.
It’s
a
program
designed
by
brilliant
4itness
scientists
to
give
you
the
ideal
V-‐shaped
proportions,
no
matter
your
body
type.
As
mentioned
above,
how
you
move
your
body
is
important,
too,
as
women
4ind
athletic
prowess
and
agility
to
be
sexual
turn-‐ons.”
So
a
little
swagger
in
your
walk,
a
little
swing
in
your
shoulders
and
physical
cockiness
doesn’t
hurt.
Not
does
the
ability
to
dance
well
–
especially
sexy
things
like
salsa
or
tango.
And
of
course,
sorry,
you
gotta
lose
that
body
fat.
Body
fat
around
the
waist
is
an
evolutionary
signal
that
your
testosterone
levels
have
dropped.
Not
attractive
to
women.
Or
that
you
just
don’t
value
yourself
enough
to
take
care
of
your
body,
to
feed
it
nutritiously
and
get
exercise.
Also
not
attractive.
As
of
this
writing,
I’m
thinking
about
Chris
Christie,
governor
of
New
Jersey.
I’m
a
democrat,
but
like
a
lot
of
democrats
who
value
social
freedom
and
4iscal
responsibility,
I
like
the
guy!
But
I
have
to
say,
when
you
look
at
him,
it’s
hard
to
believe
that
he’s
“responsible”
because
of
how
Jabba-‐like
he’s
allowed
his
body
to
become.
I
believe
that
if
he
lost
the
weight,
he’d
be
a
shoe-‐in
for
President
one
day.
But
if
he
doesn’t,
there’s
a
lack
of
trust
in
his
judgment
that
would
get
in
his
way.
Certainly
for
me.
My
two
cents.
So
–
cut
out
the
crappy
foods.
The
processed
foods.
The
4iller
and
comfort
foods.
Stick
with
lean
meats,
veggies,
a
bit
of
fruit,
nuts,
4ish
-‐
and
watch
the
pounds
leave.
Don’t
consume
calories
in
drinks
–
substitute
water
for
juices
and
cut
out
sodas
as
much
as
possible.
For
your
body,
they
are
the
devil.
And
–
of
course,
work
out,
do
your
cardio,
maintain
and
grow
your
physical
stamina
–
these
can
only
work
to
your
advantage
with
women.
This
program
is
scripted
by
one
of
the
leading
scientists
of
the
4itness
world
and
what
is
unique
about
him
is
that
this
program
will
get
you
to
the
ideal
“attraction
proportions”
that
women
sexually
respond
to,
no
matter
what
kind
of
natural
frame
you
have
–
with
as
little
work
as
possible.
Simply
the
smartest
program
created
to
date
for
men
over
35
to
reach
maximum
4itness
and
musculature.
Do
you
know
that
after
35,
you
lose
1
pound
of
muscle
a
year,
unless
you
put
these
practices
to
work.
The
author
is
a
great
friend
of
mine,
a
certi4ied
genius
in
several
4ields,
and
at
48
–
ripped.
Meston
says
everyone’s
got
their
unique
tastes
but,
“in
general,
women
want
to
have
sex
when
they
feel
their
best
—
when
they
have
energy,
feel
connected
to
their
partners,
aren’t
distracted
by
work
or
stressful
daily
events,
and
when
they
feel
sexy
—
and
that
may
or
may
not
be
at
night.”
So,
to
be
smart,
pay
attention
to
when
she
seems
the
most
energized
and/or
chilled
out.
Maybe
it’s
after
her
yoga
class
or
morning
run.
Maybe
it’s
after
a
delicious
meal.
Maybe
it’s
out
in
nature.
You
get
to
increase
the
pleasure
of
her
non-‐stressed
out
moments
by
leading
her
into
the
pleasure
of
lovemaking
at
these
times.
3. Sensual Environment
Meston
and
Buss
explain
that,
for
women,
sense
of
smell
is
far
more
important
than
it
is
to
men
when
it
comes
to
sexual
attraction.
Simply
put:
if
a
woman
doesn’t
like
the
way
a
man
smells,
it’s
often
a
deal-‐
breaker
—
whether
she
consciously
realizes
it
or
not.
You
can’t
take
this
personally
–
this
is
so
far
below
conscious
control
its
crazy.
I’ve
had
women
walk
past
me,
inhale
and
tell
me
“your
B.O.
is
sexy”
and
I’ve
had
women
make
me
go
wash
my
pits
during
sweaty
sex.
Pheromones
-‐
—
tiny
airborne
molecules
that
humans
emit
from
various
glands
in
their
body
–
operate
far
beneath
the
surface.
You
may,
by
the
way,
have
seen
those
blind
studies
of
women
smelling
undershirts
and
being
turned
off
by
the
body
odor
of
men
they
were
related
to.
Nature
builds
in
repulsion
to
prevent
incest
and
thereby
narrowing
genetic
4lexibility
and
strength.
Wily,
that
nature
is.
It
gets
deeper,
according
to
Meston:
“Olfactory
signals
provide
a
woman
with
a
wealth
of
information
about
a
man’s
health,
hygiene,
and
even
his
genetic
makeup.”
Male
pheromones
have
been
shown
to
provide
information
on
a
man’s
symmetry,
which
is
an
indicator
of
genetic
4itness
and
ultimately
can
determine
whether
a
man
is
genetically
compatible
with
a
woman.
“For
many
women,”
she
says,
“whether
they
realize
it
or
not
scent
can
play
an
important
role
in
determining
her
willingness
to
have
sex
with
a
man,
given
her
‘sense’
of
whether
they
can
produce
genetically
healthy,
strong
children
together.”
Tricky
business,
ay?
So
–
stay
clean
in
general,
and
a
dash
of
light
cologne
rarely
hurts.
But
pheromones
operate
at
a
primal
level,
so
never
get
offended
–
and
don’t
turn
down
your
luck
of
the
draw.
Incidentally,
the
worst
turn
off
women
mention
in
studies
is
bad
breath,
says
Buss.
So
you
know
what
to
do
here.
Brush.
Floss.
Look
into
tongue
scrapers
at
your
local
pharmacy
if
you
don’t
know
about
those
–
most
smelly
bacteria
(those
that
aren’t
grime
between
your
unbrushed
teeth)
live
on
the
back
of
the
tongue).
Mouthwash
is
your
friend
–
as
well
as
some
breath
mints,
as
a
last
resort,
in
your
car
or
in
your
pocket
at
all
times.
This
part
should
be
obvious
to
you
-‐-‐
what
a
man
says
is
often
more
important
than
what
he
does
when
he’s
trying
to
get
a
woman
in
the
mood.
For
as
long
as
we
have
recorded
history,
we
know
of
poets
and
troubadours
seducing
women,
of
men
“wooing”
women
with
romantic
tributes
to
their
beauty.
For
a
refresher
–
revisit
Cyrano
deBourgerac
or
just
watch
the
Steve
Martin
movie,
Roxanne.
And,
sure
enough,
the
tradition
continues.
“Offering
compliments
is
usually
a
sure-‐4ire
way
of
making
someone
want
to
get
closer…
although,
if
the
compliments
come
across
as
insincere,
they
will
actually
turn
her
off,”
says
Meston.
She
adds
that
–
authentically
–making
references
to
future
activities
you’d
like
to
do
together
shows
commitment
–
and
can
often
be
sexually
alluring
to
women
[p.s.
that’s
why
I
show
you
how
to
build
in
“mini-‐vacations”
into
your
online
pro4ile
in
my
program
-‐
Deep
Online
Attraction.]
Buss
also
explains
why
a
sense
of
humor
is
also
a
sexual
turn-‐on
for
the
ladies:
“If
a
man
can
make
a
woman
laugh,
it
relaxes
her
and
makes
her
feel
that
he
‘gets’
her,”
he
says,
adding
that
a
good
sense
of
humor
also
conveys
some
key
qualities
women
want
in
a
mate:
intelligence
(it’s
hard
to
be
witty
if
you’re
not
too
bright),
the
ability
to
gauge
her
emotional
and
social
perspective
(a.k.a.
having
the
mind-‐reading
skills
to
know
what
she
will
4ind
amusing),
and
social
verve
or
con4idence.
In
addition,
it’s
an
indication
that
he
can
handle
pressure
and
not
get
too
caught
up
in
his
own
ego.
It’s
why
James
Bond
cracks
jokes
in
the
face
of
death.
He
keeps
his
cool,
his
“wits”
about
him.
In
their
research,
Meston
and
Buss
found
that
many
women
had
“revenge
sex”
with
someone
other
than
their
most
recent
dating
partner
to
get
back
at
a
cheating
partner
or
to
“even
the
score,”
as
some
women
put
it.
So,
theoretically,
you
could
appeal
to
a
woman’s
desire
to
‘get
back”
at
her
man,
her
previous
man,
her
religion,
her
culture,
etc.
According
to
Meston,
“some
women
hoped
their
ex
would
4ind
out
about
it
and
feel
angry
or
hurt,
and
other
women
said
they
didn’t
care
if
they
found
out
or
not
—
they
felt
better
just
knowing
they
had
gotten
revenge.”
Why
is
the
need
for
revenge
such
a
turn-‐on
for
women?
Clearly,
it’s
a
con4irmation
of
their
worth
–
and
by
the
way,
I
think
this
applies
to
men,
too.
Coming
out
of
a
sexless
marriage,
the
4irst
thing
most
men
do
is
indulge
in
as
much
random
sex
as
they
can
4ind.
But
“revenge
sex”
can
serve
two
basic
functions,”
Buss
explains.
The
4irst
is
deterrence:
just
as
bullies
stop
picking
on
victims
who
retaliate,
cheating
partners
sometimes
stop
their
partner
retaliates
in
kind.
The
second
function
of
revenge
is
“reputation
management,”
says
Buss.
“Women
who
are
scorned
sometimes
suffer
damage
to
their
social
reputation,
whether
they
are
cheated
on
or
dumped.
Having
sex
—
especially
if
it
is
with
someone
who
is
relatively
high
in
‘mate
value’
—
can
sometimes
help
to
restore
a
woman’s
reputation,”
he
explains.
And
again,
it
could
be
her
reputation
to
others
or
really,
just
to
herself.
That
she
is
attractive
and
worthy.
Now,
I
don’t
think
being
the
recipient
of
someone
else’s
revenge
sex
is
the
ideal
way
to
connect
with
another
human
being.
I
just
want
you
to
understand
the
psychology.
If
a
woman
is
feeling
angry
about
her
controlling
parents
or
ex
or
boyfriend,
you
are
getting
into
some
serious
stew.
Your
responsibility,
as
a
man
of
experience
is,
if
you
decide
to
hook
up
with
her,
is
to
pay
special
attention
to
con4irming
her
inner
worth,
her
inner
qualities,
and
not
just
her
body.
In
this
way
–
you
can
help
her
to
heal,
and
not
just
take
advantage
of
her
vulnerability.
Sex
–
protected
sex
–
is
healthy
and
good
for
you.
Meston
explains
that
“during
orgasm,
opiates
—
the
body’s
natural
painkillers
—
are
released,
which
can
help
decrease
all
sorts
of
aches
and
pains
for
women.”
Additionally,
sex
can
also
help
maintain
the
body’s
4lexibility
and
cardiovascular
health,
decrease
anxiety,
and
enhance
overall
mood.
Women
instinctively
know
that
sex
is
healthy,
a
workout,
a
great
release
of
happy
hormones.
So
on
the
physical
level,
they
are
all
in.
Your
task
–
actually
your
privilege
-‐
as
a
man
is
to
make
the
experience
–
before,
during
and
after
–
a
profound
con4irmation
of
her
desirability
and
her
wholeness
as
a
human
being.
Again,
and
I
can’t
stress
this
enough
–
your
desire
to
delight
and
pleasure
her,
your
desire
to
have
sexual
encounters
leave
women
feeling
cherished,
valued
and
safe
–
even
for
a
single
encounter
-‐
is
a
service
not
only
to
them,
but
to
yourself
and
to
our
human
community.
As
much
as
humanly
possible,
prevent
yourself
from
lying
or
false
commitments.
Be
as
truthful
as
possible
about
your
intentions
up
front.
This,
for
a
man
of
experience
who
by
now
should
have
relatively
advanced
empathy
skills
for
the
feelings
of
others,
should
be
a
given.
In
their
research,
Meston
and
Buss
found
that,
for
some
women,
having
sex
is
more
about
competition
and
winning
–
it’s
adolescent
really.
Who
is
dating
the
quarterback?
The
captain
of
the
basketball
team?
For
women
that
do
this
to
compete
with
others
and
also
raise
their
social
standing,
her
target’s
social
status
is
a
key
to
raising
her
libido.
You
see
it
around
rock
groups,
certain
millionaires,
pro
athletes
and
even
political
“rock
stars.”
Monica
Lewinsky
is
a
perfect
example.
Buss
goes
on
to
explain
that,
for
women
who
have
sex
to
raise
their
self-‐
esteem,
the
motivating
factor
is
usually
the
need
to
feel
sexually
desirable.
“Some
women
suffer
from
low
self-‐esteem
and
feel
bad
about
their
bodies.”
For
many
women
these
days,
they
more
often
feel
bad
about
their
prospects,
or
their
social
circles.
They
are
often
not
stupid.
Many
a
“sugar
baby”
knows
that
her
most
obvious
asset,
her
looks
is
going
to
be
her
ticket
out
of
her
dead,
pick-‐up,
Bud-‐drinking,
meth-‐addled
hometown.
So
too
young
women
in
the
big
city,
whose
social
circle
includes
young
guys
working
at
Starbucks
or
shitty
jobs.
They
know
that
they
have
more
to
offer
the
world,
and
want
to
experience
life
in
a
more
exciting
and
expansive
way
than
their
upbringing
and
(often
lack
of)
formal
education
will
allow
them.
I
don’t
blame
these
young
women
for
wanting
to
align
with
accomplished
men
who
can
show
them
the
world,
better
meals,
nicer
homes,
more
interesting
people.
In
fact,
no
matter
how
old
she
is,
your
life
should
be
more
interesting
than
hers,
if
you
want
to
keep
sexual
polarity.
I
write
about
this
in
other
parts
of
this
program,
but
you
should
cultivate
a
life
that
is
“a
ride
she
wants
to
get
on.”
That
means
in
as
many
realms
as
you
can
hone:
physically,
in
adventure,
intellectually,
spiritually,
socially,
4inancially
–
all
of
it!
Your
life
in
motion
is
a
turn
on
to
women.
End
stop.
Your
life
as
much
as
it’s
going
nowhere,
not
growing,
not
expanding,
not
deepening
will
bore
them.
If
you
have
money,
you
may
keep
a
hot
woman
for
a
while,
but
she
will
use
you
and
leave
you
when
she
wants
–
or
can.
Better
to
attract
your
woman
for
the
man
you
are.
And
are
becoming.
It’s
much
sexier
to
them.
And
far
more
powerful
for
you.
V:
Preparing
the
Room
Where
are
you
going
to
make
love?
On
the
kitchen
4loor?
On
the
beach?
In
a
restaurant
bathroom?
At
her
apartment?
In
yours?
At
a
hotel
by
the
beach
during
your
weekend
escape?
Wherever you do, you want to create an ecosystem of luxuriance.
We
have
gone
through
how
to
prepare
yourself
and
her
physically,
emotionally,
mentally,
spiritually.
In
a
way,
as
scriptors
of
your
erotic
life,
we
have
been
bringing
the
characters
to
life.
When
it
comes
to
sex,
an
emotionally
healthy
woman
wants
her
body
to
relax,
to
open
in
every
possible
way
–
not
just
between
her
legs,
but
her
heart,
her
arms,
her
eyes
–
she
becomes
your
most
sensual
and
welcoming
and
“alive”
lover
when
she
can
relax
in
trust
to
the
moment.
The
4irst
element
of
this
relaxation
is
relaxing
into
the
trust
of
you.
That
you
will
“take
care
of
her”
in
all
meanings
of
that
word.
That
you
won’t
hurt
her,
abuse
her
trust
or
body,
that
you
will
cradle
her,
even
in
the
most
“pounding”
moments
of
sexual
passion.
Beneath
the
pinching
and
scratching
and
biting
and
punching
and
piledriving
–
beneath
any
of
the
excitement
that
may
come
with
sexing
–
she
needs
to
know
that
you
are
holding
her
well-‐being
4irmly.
The
second
element
of
relaxation
is
relaxing
into
the
beauty
of
her
surroundings.
Sure,
you
can
bang
in
a
Motel
6.
But
watch
her
reaction
when
she
comes
out
of
the
bathroom
after
she
showers
to
discover
that
you
have
lit
incense,
arranged
soft-‐candle-‐light,
spread
a
red
satin
sheet
over
the
gross
brown
(and
probably
semen
pre-‐stained)
bedcover
and
have
a
bottle
of
chilled
champagne
open
and
ready
at
the
bedside.
Oh,
and
lets
not
forget
the
two
dark-‐chocolate
cherry
truf4les
you’ve
places
on
the
pillows.
Tell
me
something,
my
good
man,
what
kind
of
generous
lover
do
you
think
she
is
going
to
be
now?
Compared
to
the
girl
who
walks
out
into
the
tasteless,
drab,
harsh
4luorescent
blandness
of
a
bare
motel
room?
[by
the
way
–
the
scene
I
just
described,
I
have
executed.
My
advice
is
tested.
It’s
a
tough
job
but….]
Let’s
run
down
how
to
set
an
erotically
delicious
scene
for
your
lover,
so
that
she
may
open
to
all
her
senses
and
be
the
generous
and
welcoming
lover
you
so
ardently
desire…
Ø Everything
enters
our
eyes
as
plays
of
light.
I
advise
you
to
replace
all
your
light
switches
with
dimmers.
When
you
leave
your
house
before
a
date,
set
the
lights
on
low,
so
you
enter
a
home
that
is
already
lit
for
love.
Ø Where
you
make
love,
set
out
candles
–
so
you
can
see
the
play
of
light
and
shadow
over
each
other’s
bodies.
Be
careful
not
to
just
light
one
–
you
want
to
see
each
other!
That’s
part
of
the
erotic
play.
Try
not
to
put
them
right
next
to
your
pillows
on
the
nightstand
–
things
get
kicked
over
and
4ires
ensue.
It’s
happened
to
me.
The
other
advantage
of
candles
is
that
it
allows
your
lover
to
relax
because
any
self-‐perceived
4laws
in
her
body
will
be
dimmed
out.
Which
is
actually
pretty
useful
too
for
you,
Jabba.
Ø Mirrors
–
I
learned
this
from
my
lovers.
Buy
a
large
–
LARGE
–
standing
mirror
and
lean
it
against
the
wall
on
the
side
of
your
bed.
You
will
see
wonders
while
you
make
love,
and
she
will
get
turned
on
watching
your
bodies
intertwine.
Hang
a
long
horizontal
mirror
over
your
headstand.
Hang
one
opposite
the
foot
of
your
bed
if
the
wall
is
not
too
far.
Hell,
put
one
on
the
ceiling.
It
may
sound
cheesy
but
few
things
are
more
erotic
or
beautiful
than
lying
back
and
watching
your
lover
please
you
(and
that
goes
either
way).
If
you
have
a
long
mirror
over
a
long,
low
dresser
or
table
to
the
side
of
the
bed
–
then
artfully
line
up
candles
at
its
base.
This
creates
a
kind
of
“footlights”
to
the
show
that
takes
place
in
the
mirror
above.
Ø Textures.
Silk.
Satin.
Flannel
in
the
winter.
Furs,
especially
furs
(and
you
can
buy
soft
fake
fur
throws
for
pennies
these
days).
Make
sure
your
bed
is
a
sensually
welcoming
place
–
and
with
variety.
With
one
love,
we
bought
these
99$
blankets
from
Bed,
Bath
and
Beyond
that
have
fur
on
the
inside!
When
we
crawl
between
the
sheets,
it’s
like
being
cuddled
by
a
loving
mother
bear…
so
comforting
and
relaxing
and
cozy.
Become
a
connoisseur
of
textures…
Ø Sweet
incense…
I’m
gonna
get
biblical
on
your
ass
here,
not
because
I
believe
in
any
of
the
biblical
assumptions,
but
because
the
Song
of
Songs,
where
two
beloved
lovers
chase
each
other
through
the
streets
of
Jerusalem.
How
it
made
its
way
into
the
Bible
is
a
wonder
and
a
mystery,
but
I’m
glad
it
did
–
because
it
is
gorgeous
and
it
is
hot!
Check
this
out…
“Who
is
this
coming
up
from
the
wilderness
like
a
column
of
smoke,
perfumed
with
myrrh
and
incense
made
from
all
the
spices
of
the
merchant?”
Can
you
feel
the
sensuality
of
that?
With
what
natural
scents
can
you
clothe
your
body,
your
bedroom,
your
home?
Wouldn’t
you
like
to
have
her
feel
you
sweeping
into
her
presence
like
that?
Here’s
some
more…
Your
lips
drop
sweetness
as
the
honeycomb,
my
bride;
milk
and
honey
are
under
your
tongue.
By
the
way
–
that’s
the
Lebanon
of
old,
of
cedar
wood
and
cedar
oils,
not
the
Hamas
Lebanon
of
now,
although
a
Lebanese
girlfriend
showed
me
photos
of
just
how
beautiful
that
war-‐torn
country
still
is.
12
You
are
a
garden
locked
up,
my
sister,
my
bride;
you
are
a
spring
enclosed,
a
sealed
fountain.
13
Your
plants
are
an
orchard
of
pomegranates
Yes,
her
“plants”
are
just
like
that.
In
this
exquisitely
erotic
love
poem,
you
can
see
how
central
aromas
are.
Bring
this
kind
of
sensitivity
to
your
love
life.
Even
when
it
comes
to
detergent
–
seek
out
clothes
detergent
that
scents
your
clothes
with
delicious
lavender.
Use
body
wash
and
shampoos
that
are
not
replete
with
arti4icial
soaps
and
chemicals.
Take
your
clue
from
this
poem
–
natural
sexy
spices…
4ind
them
in
your
city
–
or
order
them
online.
As
essential
oils,
as
cleaners,
as
incense,
as
candles.
Create
a
garden
of
aromatic
delight
for
your
lover,
and
you
will
4ind
a
sensually
enthralled
woman
in
your
arms.
Note:
if
you
are
not
familiar
with
“essential
oils”
–
get
familiar!
They
are
highly
potent
love-‐arrows
right
to
the
brain.
A
dab
under
her
nose
while
you
are
making
love,
or
just
before
of
cinnamon
or
of
peppermint
or
of
lavender
–
these
will
color
your
entire
experience.
They
wake
you
and
her
up.
Go
into
Whole
Foods
and
ask
for
a
demonstration
–or
Mind
a
local
distributor.
Ø Music
–
Shakespeare
said
it
best,
as
he
usually
does,
this
time
in
Twelfth
Night…
“if
music
be
the
food
of
love,
play
on!”
Music
is
the
food
of
love.
It
is
the
appetizer,
the
wine,
the
table
and
the
tablecloth.
In
an
ideal
world
–
and
if
you
are
a
tech
geek
out
there
working
for
Apple,
maybe
you
can
create
this
–
music
would
adjust
to
the
rhythms
and
pace
of
your
lovemaking
through
some
kind
of
sensor.
Ø But
short
of
that,
have
music
available,
cued
and
ready
to
go
when
you
enter
your
lovemaking
room.
Try
different
palettes
for
different
moods.
If
you
like
slow
jazz,
try
classical.
If
you
love
Gregorian
chants,
try
electronica.
Try
out
classical
Indian
music!
That’s
is
amazingly
sexy.
Try
religious
oratorios,
huge
immersive
Bach
chorales
or
fugues.
Hip
hop.
Reggaeton.
Or
Bob
Marley.
I
tend
to
prefer
music
that
doesn’t
have
words,
because
the
words
distract
me,
but
you
should
try
out
all
the
4lavors
–
and
observe
how
the
music
sets
the
pace
and
tone
of
your
lovemaking.
Vary
it.
Ø Necessary
equipment.
Have
water
next
to
the
bed
so
you
can
each
stop
and
get
refreshed.
Have
massage
oil
ready
–
in
whatever
scents
turn
her
on.
Have
lube
(a
new
tube
for
each
girl,
please)
only
a
reach
away,
so
you
don’t
have
to
go
loping
into
your
bedroom
to
4ind
it.
If
you
like
toys
the
penetrate
or
buzz
or
squeeze
or
clamp
or
clasp
–
keep
them
right
next
the
bed,
too.
Ø Décor
–
every
aspect
of
your
bedroom
should
suggest
the
erotic.
So
remove
any
photos
of
dear
old
granny
or
even
your
kids,
staring
out
at
her
from
your
bedside.
I
know
you
love
them.
Love
them
in
your
living
room.
Ø Think
in
twos.
Every
Feng
Shui
expert
knows
that
you
create
a
subconscious
feeling
of
“couplehood”
and
togetherness
by
creating
a
symmetry
of
twos.
On
either
side
of
the
bed
–
two
matching
bed-‐stands,
two
matching
lamps,
two
matching
candles.
If
there
is
a
painting
above
your
bed,
see
if
you
can
make
it
a
painting
of
lovers,
or
some
other
kind
of
double
symmetry.
There
is
a
peace
to
twos
in
a
bedroom.
Create
it.
Now,
just
for
fun
(okay,
not
merely
for
fun),
lets
extend
the
de4inition
of
“room”
in
preparing
the
room.
Your
bodies
are
also
your
room.
Take
care
of
it
before
you
come
to
her
–
and
likewise.
Make
it
a
ritual.
Go
the
bathroom,
empty
your
bladder,
your
colon,
4loss,
mouthwash,
make
sure
your
sweaty
parts
are
clean
and
ready
for
action.
As
you
undress,
you
can
take
the
Tantric
point
of
view
and
symbolically
disrobe
each
other
of
your
defenses,
anxieties,
masks
and
withholds.
Try
this:
as
she
takes
of
each
article
of
clothing,
tell
her
“with
this
shirt,
I
let
go
of
ego…
with
this
belt,
I
let
of
any
heart
constriction….
With
these
pants,
I
let
go
of
expectation,
of
“going
anywhere.”
Be
creative.
Be
playful
with
it.
Be
symbolic.
Or
be
as
serious
as
fuck.
But
stay
conscious
of
what
you
are
offering
to
each
other.
It’s
a
beautiful
thing.
You
can
make
cleansing
each
other
part
of
your
foreplay
ritual.
Use
warm
and
soft
washcloths
-‐
and
if
they
are
dipped
in
aromatic
water
(you
can
dilute
essential
oils
into
a
vat
to
wondrous
effects)
–
and
undressing
each
other,
then
slowly
and
tenderly
swabbing
each
other’s
bodies
–
well
that’s
pretty
much
sex
already!
Prepare
her
“emotional”
room
by
sweetly
and
emphatically
(but
without
hunger
or
need)
praise
the
beauty
of
her
body
as
you
clean
it.
Sex
The
sensual
pleasure
women
provide,
the
joy
of
wine,
the
taste
of
meat:
it
is
the
undoing
of
fools,
but
for
the
wise,
the
pathway
to
salvation.
—Kalarnava
Tantra
You
don’t
need
a
lot
of
insight
on
how
to
have
a
hard,
fast,
fun,
pounding
quickie.
I’ll
throw
in
a
few
notes
in
this
section,
but
what
we
are
after
here
is
to
explore
the
breadths
and
depths
of
“slowies”
–
of
connecting
so
deeply
with
our
own
bodies,
each
other
bodies
and
the
outer
reaches
of
possible
bliss,
that
our
whole
lives
are
altered.
In
this
section,
where
we
go
into
how
to
cull
your
greatest
lover
from
your
woman,
we
begin
with
the
idea
of
play.
Sex
is
also
play.
Not
in
the
meaning
that
it’s
not
serious,
but
in
the
meaning
of
“in4inite
play”
–
an
alert,
erotic
engagement
whose
reward
is
the
aliveness
and
delight
of
the
moment
–
not
the
end
game
or
keeping
score.
To
play
well,
and
to
train
her
to
play
well,
you
must
bring
your
most
alert
and
awake
self
to
the
bed,
so
that
you
can
read
the
nuances
of
her
waves
of
pleasure
and
engagement.
So
many
men
head
into
sex
like
a
“job.”
They
think
a
woman
has
to
be
pounded
incessantly
for
15
minutes.
Or
cuddled
and
sweetly
“made
love
to”
without
any
4ierce
passion,
because
that
would
be
violent.
Or
that
you
have
to
touch
this,
rub
that,
circle
that
other
thing
and
press
here
–
to
get
the
magic
gumball
to
appear.
In
fact,
as
an
alert
player
–
you
will
be
called
upon
to
do
all
of
these
things-‐
but
not
as
a
preplanned
and
robotic
game
plan.
You
must,
must,
must
stay
connected
to
her
–
her
eyes,
her
pace
of
breathing,
the
writing
of
her
body,
the
juiciness
of
her
sweet
fruit
–
so
you
can
navigate
what
feels
amazing
to
her
and
what
is
leaving
her
disengaged.
The
play
is
the
thing!
Not
the
plan.
There
is
no
formula
to
being
her
best
lover
other
than
your
attentiveness
to
her
moment
by
moment.
And
guess
what
–
that’s
exactly
what
you
want
from
her
in
order
to
be
your
dream
lover.
You
will
be
training
her
by
your
example.
You
can
even
vocalize
it
as
you
go
along.
Tell
her
what
GREAT.
Tell
her
what’s
she’s
doing
right.
Tell
her
if
he
needs
to
press
harder
or
back
off
or
whatever.
You
can
tell
her
gently
or
you
can
scream
it
at
her
if
the
temperature
is
high
and
that
will
kick
up
the
hot
sexuality
of
the
moment
even
higher.
Remember,
there
are
no
rules
except
(1)
you
want
to
leave
her
happier
and
more
whole
and
respected
and
ful4illed
at
the
end
of
your
session
and
(2)
improvise,
communicate,
play
according
to
whatever
arises
in
the
moment.
If
she
gets
nasty
and
naughty
–
amplify
it.
If
you
sense
she
needs
more
safety
and
cuddling
–
slow
down
and
give
her
that.
Because
we
spent
the
4irst
third
of
this
program
honing
our
own
senses
and
awareness….
You
now
have
more
skills,
more
levels
of
awareness
and
offering
to
bring
to
her.
Use
what
you
learned!
Practice
infusing
the
rest
of
your
(erotic)
life
outside
the
bedroom
with
whatever
energies
you
share
with
your
lover.
If
you
feel
wonder-‐
bring
that
wonder.
If
you
feel
gratitude
–
bring
that
gratitude
to
the
rest
of
your
life.
If
you
feel
mind-‐blowing
crazy
passion
and
the
thrill
of
being
alive
–
bring
that
to
the
rest
of
your
life.
Don’t
leave
what
you
experience
and
learn
in
the
bedroom
between
the
sheets.
Because
the
erotic
experience
never
stops.
What
happens
in
and
out
of
the
bedroom
should
FEED
each
other
for
you
so
that
you
become
ever
and
ever
a
more
erotically
aware
and
sensate
lover.
In
this
chapter,
we
will
focus
on
making
the
actual
bedroom
experience
as
mind-‐blowing,
as
body-‐shivering,
as
explosive
and
as
simmeringly
lush
and
slow
and
gorgeous
as
possible.
Trust
The
house
of
sexuality
is
built
on
the
foundation
of
trust.
In
order
to
jump
high,
you
need
to
4irst
have
your
feet
on
the
ground.
More
to
the
point,
the
more
that
your
woman
trusts
that
“you’ve
got
her
back”
even
as
you
are
kissing
her
down
her
front,
the
more
she
will
open
to
you
and
the
more
generous
and
available
she
will
be.
The
best
lovers
genuinely
care
about
(even
if
not
necessarily
deeply
for)
their
lovers.
This
does
not
mean
that
you
have
to
be
“in
love.”
You
don’t
have
to
love
this
woman.
But
you
do
need
to
love
women
–
and
she
is
part
of
that
tribe.
As
you
will
learn
in
the
Bonus
Report
on
the
7
Types
of
Sexing
–
you
can
move
together
through
all
kinds
of
connected
sex.
Some
of
it
connected
at
a
body
level,
others
at
the
common,
personality
level
–
and
you
can
also
intertwine
with
each
other
as
avatars
of
the
eternal
masculine
and
feminine
in
a
deeply
spiritual,
celebratory
dance
of
lovemaking.
What
will
make
her
trust
you?
Well,
how
about
we
start
with
this?
–
you
are
trustworthy
That
means
you
follow
through
on
your
word.
You
are
awake
to
her
fears
and
resistances
and
“check
in”
with
her
during
sex
–
even
during
the
heat
of
sex
to
see
that
she
feels
safe
and
that
she
is
getting
what
she
wants.
You
hold
yourself
back
from
hurting
her
and
respect
her
requests
or
cries
to
“stop
doing
that!”
whatever
that
may
be.
Sometimes,
it’s
good
to
tell
a
woman
straight
out
that
she
is
safe
with
you.
That
her
well
being
and
your
care
for
her
are
primary.
Once,
I
was
with
a
striking
young
beauty
well
over
20
years
younger
than
me.
She
was
far
smarter
than
her
peers
and
we
had
a
fascinating
and
worldly
discussion
over
dinner.
It
was
all
very
sweet
and
connected.
But
as
I
was
laying
her
down
into
the
bed,
she
looked
me
in
the
eyes
and
said,
“I
feel
as
if
I’m
being
seduced
by
a
professional.”
I
responded,
keeping
eye
contact,
“You
are.
But
that
doesn’t
mean
that
everything
I
said
tonight
wasn’t
absolutely
authentic.”
So the 4inal way to have your lover feel that you are trustable: tell the truth.
So
when
it
comes
to
cultivating
your
dream
love
from
your
women,
you
want
to
4irst,
as
best
you
can,
give
her
all
the
pleasure
she
can
absorb.
Here
are
some
tips
on
making
sure
that
she
is
experiencing
maximum
pleasure…
So
many
people
get
caught
up
in
a
predictable
progression
when
it
comes
to
lovemaking.
You
kiss.
You
lick
a
nipple.
You
give
oral.
You
penetrate.
You
come.
You
see
what’s
in
the
fridge.
Lovemaking,
bringing
out
her
erotic
best,
is
a
process
of
continual
discovery
–
and
the
interplay
of
connection.
Fierce
eye
gazing
as
you
drive
into
her,
and
pulling
away
your
attention
to
play
on
her
body
like
a
light
rain
over
a
landscape.
There
is
play
in
the
variations
of
connection
and
pulling
away.
Think
of
a
cat
playing
with
a
mouse.
Think
of
two
lovers
chasing
each
other
through
the
forest
–
now
revealing
themselves,
now
dissolving
into
the
foliage.
And
what
women
often
complain
about
is
that
they
feel
as
if
you
are
just
masturbating
using
their
bodies
as
your
tool.
So
be
sure
re-‐connect
with
her
from
time
to
time
–
and
stay
connected
for
as
long
as
it
serves
her
opening.
Stop
and
stroke
her
wet
hair
as
you
gaze
into
her
eyes
and
tell
her
how
beautiful
she
is,
how
much
you
cherish
her,
how
happy
you
are
right
now
in
this
moment.
Ask
her
what
would
make
her
happiest?
Don’t
just
“rub.”
The
ancient
tantric
teachers
instructed
you
to
vary
your
touching
and
indulge
in
at
least
6
kinds
of
physical
touch…
Ø Stroke
her…
Ø Pinch
her…
(it
doesn't
have
to
hurt)
Ø Scratch
her…
Ø Spank
or
slap
her
–
go
for
the
sensation
of
a
sharp
“snap”
of
a
slap
-‐
to
wake
up
her
skin.
Don’t
punch
or
follow
through
as
you
would
with
a
genuine
strike.
Ø Tap
her…
(I
spoke
with
a
sexual
trauma
specialist
and
she
said
that
slapping
or
spanking
can
be
traumatic
if
you
don’t
know
a
woman’s
sexual
history
–
so
replace
that
with
gentle
tapping
all
over
her
body)
Ø Squeeze
her…
as
you
hold
her
arms,
give
a
4irm
little
squeeze
to
let
her
know
you
are
“claiming”
her,
or
like
shackles
on
her
wrists
–
that
you
she
is
your
prisoner
or
sex-‐slave
for
the
moment.
Squeeze
her
feet.
Give
her
hands
a
squeeze.
For
edge
play,
you
can
squeeze
her
neck,
but
obviously
–
careful
there.
Stop
the
pounding
and
gently
kiss
her
and
admire
her
face,
her
neck,
her
shoulders,
her
lips…
And
don’t
merely
“kiss”
–
palpably
“inhale”
her
as
you
go,
widening
your
intake
of
breath
the
way
you
widen
your
eyes
as
you
behold
wonder.
Let
her
feel
as
if
you
are
breathing
in
her
sweetness
all
over
her
body.
Let
her
feel
as
if
you
are
“drinking
her
in”
–
especially
down
below.
Tell
her
you
can’t
wait
to
“drink
her
in.”
Not
only
will
this
help
you
to
pace
yourself
but
she'll
also
be
pleasantly
surprised
that
you're
making
love
to
her
–
and
not
just
to
her
body.
Note:
speaking
of
pacing
yourself,
if
you
are
a
decade
or
more
older
than
you’re
lover,
few
things
are
more
embarrassing
than
getting
breathless
or
having
your
calves
lock
up
on
you.
So
practice
–
as
an
erotic
practice,
not
merely
as
a
self-‐
preservational
one
–
modulating
your
pace
with
her
right
from
the
beginning.
If
you
tend
to
be
a
bulldog
in
bed,
modulate
your
pace
from
the
Mirst
time
you
are
together
–
so
she
senses
this
is
your
style,
not
your
attempt
to
prevent
a
heart
attack.
You
want
to
teach
your
lover
to
pleasure
you,
to
pleasure
and
awaken
all
your
senses.
So
you
teach
her
this
by
demonstration.
Awaken
her
pleasure
centers
one
by
one…
sense-‐by-‐sense…
When
you
make
noise
or
give
a
compliment,
especially
if
it's
out
of
your
usual
character,
with
enthusiasm
or
from
a
place
of
deep
gratitude
–
she’ll
feel
as
if
she's
really
pleasing
you.
It
boosts
her
con4idence
in
her
sex
skills
and
encourages
her
to
initiate
that
feel-‐good
move
for
you
in
the
future.
Which
is
your
goal.
Again,
try
not
to
be
predictable.
Use
the
whole
symphony
of
your
voice
to
give
her
feedback.
Here
are
some
beautiful
sounds
you
can
deploy…
Ø ”Mmmmmmm”
–
a
nice
throaty
mmmmm
sound
can
let
her
now
that
you
are
pleased
–
and
that
she
should
do
more
of
the
same
Ø Growl
–
I
discovered
this
by
mistake
–
but
some
women
get
hugely
turned
on
when
you
look
them
in
the
eye,
or
at
their
pussy
before
you
nibble
or
lick
and
just
growl
deep
in
your
throat
like
a
predator.
Low.
Growly.
Throaty.
It
wakes
up
something
feral.
Ø Ahhhhh
–
this
is
a
great
sound
of
discovery.
You
could
breathe
it
when
she
reveals
her
breasts,
when
she
turns
over
–
at
any
moment
when
something
is
revealed
and
you
can
let
her
know
that
you
are
appreciative
of
her
beauty.
Ø Inhale
deeply
through
the
nose
–
yes,
there’s
a
sound
to
that.
Breathe
in
her
skin.
Breathe
in
her
“essence”
and
let
her
feel
how
much
you
are
savoring
her.
At
the
same
time,
listen
to
the
slightest
variations
of
the
sounds
she
makes.
Her
breath
may
quicken
or
deepen.
She
may
moan
ever
so
slightly.
As
she
indicates
pleasure
with
motion
or
sound,
lean
into
her
pleasure.
There
is
no
science
to
this.
There
is,
however,
sensitivity
and
response.
Pay
close
attention
to
her
and
respond
accordingly.
We lick each other’s bodies and taste the salt of our sweat.
But there is so much more you can bring to the feast.
You can pour honey over her honey pot and go all Winnie the Pooh on her.
You
can
buy
body
chocolate
and
paint
her
nipples
and
her
belly
and
slowly
lick
your
way
down.
You
can
squeeze
fresh
fruit
between
her
legs
or
over
her
lips
and
drink
lusciously.
You
can
decorate
her
body
with
tiny
delectables
–
chocolate
nibs
or
blue
berries
and
just
nibble
your
way
all
around
her
body.
You
can
put
an
overripe
plum
between
your
two
mouths
and
4ind
your
way
to
each
other
without
using
your
hands.
Juices
will
drip
down
your
chins
and
onto
your
body
(don’t
choke
on
the
pit).
You
can
feed
her
super-‐ripe
farm-‐fresh
organic
strawberries
ever….
so……
slowwwwwwwlllyyyyyyyy…
Don’t
just
eat
these
delicious
things
–
savor
them!
The
very
word
savor
comes
from
the
root,
“to
taste.”
Slow
down!
Take
4ive
minutes
to
eat
that
strawberry
and
let
all
its
complex
tastes
4ill
your
mouth.
For
this,
it’s
fun
to
play
a
blindfold
game.
Have
a
series
of
fresh
fruit,
little
jars
of
spices
or
essential
oils
hidden
nearby.
Then,
whispering,
ask
her
which
each
one
is
as
you
hold
it
just
under
her
nose.
When
she
gets
it
right,
dab
some
on
her
lips,
let
it
stay
there
a
moment
and
then
slowly
kiss,
lick
or
nibble
it
off.
Give
good
long
attention
to
her
upper
lip,
as
many
say
that
the
nerves
connected
to
her
upper
lip
are
connected
to
the
same
brain
center
as
those
connected
to
her
clitoris.
Take
your
sweeeeet
time
with
this
game
until
she
can’t
stand
it
any
longer
and
pushes
you
back
and
ravishes
you.
Women
appreciate
it
when
you
awaken
them
to
the
beauty
and
sensitivity
of
their
bodies.
Don’t go right for the breasts as if they are two cantaloupes.
You
can
drag
your
4ingernails
gently
along
her
forearm
especially
over
the
wrist
and
the
inside
the
elbow
where
her
feeling
is
most
sensitive.
You
can
do
the
same
across
her
armpits.
You
can
up
the
pressure
and
“scratch”
slightly
all
over
her
body,
especially
on
her
back
and
on
her
scalp
(where
there
are
a
maximum
number
of
nerve
endings).
You
can
kiss
or
nibble
or
slightly
bite
her
all
over
body,
awaking
every
inch
of
her.
And
then
of
course
you
can
get
creative.
I
grow
anise
in
my
yard
for
the
bulbs,
but
one
day
discovered
that
the
feathery
fronds
made
for
a
great
sex
toy.
If
you
buy
roses
or
pick
them
–
gently
run
them
along
her
body,
lay
them
there,
brush
their
velvety
softness
on
her
lips
[Caution
–
if
you
end
up
making
love
on
the
petals,
you
can
kiss
those
sheet
good
bye.
Those
stains
don't
come
out!]
You
can
buy
a
special
wax
candle
that
drips
wax
onto
each
others’
bodies
for
an
extra
hot
sensation.
Test
out
different
kinds
of
condoms,
from
ribbed
to
“4ire
and
ice.”
Yes,
I’m
not
kidding.
There
are
condoms
that
give
extra
heat
and
cold
sensations.
It’s
the
Wild
West
out
there,
folks.
You can use feathers and back scratchers, vibrators and massagers.
Go
to
the
local
sex
toy
store
and
ask
to
see
what’s
there.
There
are
vibrators
that
clamp
over
her
clitoris
while
you
penetrate.
There
are
cock
rings
that
vibrate
and
stimulate
her
while
you
are
fully
inserted.
There
are
eggs
you
can
insert
and
control
by
remote
control.
Apple
isn’t
the
only
one
out
there
advancing
technology!
The
sex
toy
industry
has
been
busy.
Bring
your
girl
to
the
shop
and
ask
for
help
from
the
shop
girl.
Have
her
show
you
all
the
signs
and
wonders.
The
toucher
touches
the
receiver.
In
any
way,
anywhere.
The
receiver
keeps
a
steady
measure
of
how
good
the
touching
feels.
2
is
not
so
great.
9
is
exquisite.
10
can’t
get
any
better.
The
receiver
should
not
wait
for
a
sensation
but
just
give
steady
feedback…
2…..2…..2….5….7….3…..9…..9….!!!
In
this
way,
the
toucher
can
adapt
and
experiment
and
learn
what
actually
feels
good
for
the
receiver.
It
is
crucial
that
the
spell
is
not
broken
and
absolutely
no
other
words
are
said
by
either
party.
Set a clock with an alarm for 3 minutes, or 5 or 10 or beyond.
Then
switch.
Opening
yourself
to
the
4low
of
feeling,
emotion
passing
through
you,
as
well
as
opening
to
the
full
reality
of
your
partner.
It
means
opening
your
partner
to
her
own
full
experience
of
her
body
as
a
luscious
vehicle
of
love
-‐-‐
and
to
her
self-‐love
and
self-‐acceptance.
The
reality
is,
however,
that
when
you
bring
a
lover
to
bed,
you
are
not
encountering
a
blank
slate.
She
has
a
history
and
that
history
may
not
be
a
pretty
one.
About
1/3
of
women
have
experienced
sexual
abuse
as
children
or
rape
as
a
child
or
adult.
The
pain
that
so
many
women
carry
around
the
vulnerability
of
their
bodies,
though
often
not
admitted
up-‐front,
runs
deep
–
and
will
emerge
as
she
opens
more
and
more
to
you.
She
may
cry.
She
may
curl
up
and
hug
her
knees.
She
may
merely
just
check
out
and
let
you
have
your
way
with
her,
the
same
way
she
“disembodied”
when
that
damnable
uncle
or
neighbor
raped
her.
Stay
awake
to
these
things.
Now,
I
am
fully
aware
that
as
a
man,
you
may
not
want
to
have
to
deal
with
this.
You
might
think,
“Hey,
I
didn’t
abuse
her,
why
should
I
have
to
deal
with
this?
Why
can’t
we
just
have
sex.”
Especially
when
you’ve
got
her
naked
right
there
in
bed
with
you.
You
may
not
want
to
have
to
bring
in
her
whole
painful
history.
You
just
want
to
have
a
good
time.
I
get
it.
And
I
don’t
judge
you
for
having
that
instinct.
I’ve
been
there,
and
I’m
sure
I’ll
be
there
again.
However…
It
is
your
humane
gift,
as
a
man,
as
a
man
of
experience,
to
help
women
heal.
That
is
my
belief.
To
me
it
is
a
privilege
to
heal
others,
to
make
their
lives
better
and
not
merely
to
use
their
bodies
for
my
pleasure.
So
I
urge
you
to
consider
your
role
as
a
sexual
healer
for
her,
and
your
role
as
a
man,
protective
and
cherishing
of
woman.
You
will
not
only
like
yourself
better,
but
you
will,
as
a
bonus,
earn
the
respect,
connection
and
devotion
of
your
lover
in
ways
that
most
men
will
never
experience.
That
said,
you
are
not
a
trained
sexual
healer.
Your
woman
may
need
therapy.
She
may
need
touch
therapy
to
release
the
stored
pain
memories
in
her
pelvis.
She
may
need
trauma
therapy
if
the
abuse
was
bad
enough.
So
you
can’t
be
expected
to
be
the
one
and
only
vehicle
of
her
healing.
But
if
you
encounter
deep
shame
or
deep
pain
welling
up
in
her
from
her
past,
there
are
a
few
things
you
can
do…
1:
You
can
immediately
halt
any
“neediness”
4lowing
from
you
and
switch
into
servant
of
her
healing.
That
means
you
may
want
to
stop
penetration
and
focus
on
cradling
her,
stroking
her
hair,
telling
how
much
you
cherish,
adore,
value
or
love
her
(depending
on
the
truth),
and
allow
her
to
talk,
tell
you
her
story,
or
cry.
2:
You
can
accept
her
in
her
totality
without
any
reserve.
She
needs
this
so
much
right
now,
because
she
is
not
accepting
herself.
She
may
feel
that
there
is
something
wrong
or
shameful
about
who
she
is
because
of
what
was
done
to
her.
There
is
a
sickness
in
our
culture
that
blames
women
for
causing
rape,
molestation,
abuse.
You
want
to
be
as
far
from
that
voice
as
possible,
reaf4irm
that
she
is
innocent,
that
she
is
beautiful,
that
she
is
perfect.
That
shit
happens,
but
that
doesn’t
change
that
she
is
perfect
and
lovely
in
all
ways.
That
her
value
is
who
she
is,
not
what
“happened”
to
her
sometime
in
the
past.
3:
If
there
is
a
speci4ic
memory,
you
can
try
physically
“replacing”
the
pain
with
love.
You
can
do
this
by
telling
her
that
is
what
you
are
doing,
by
massaging
the
wounded
area
of
her
body
with
a
slow,
light,
healing
touch,
telling
her
that
you
are
putting
all
of
your
affection
or
love
(whatever
is
true
in
the
speci4ic
case)
into
that
area.
Tell
her
all
you
want
her
to
do
is
to
breathe
in
your
touch,
breath
in
your
love
and
cherishment.
As
best
as
you
are
able,
stay
present
with
her,
keep
her
present
with
you,
talking
to
her,
guiding
her
to
recieve
more
and
more
love,
telling
her
that
she
is
fully
accepted,
that
she
is
fully
good,
that
she
is
fully
perfect,
that
she
is
fully
loved.
She
may
weep
or
lash
out
because
she
doesn't’
believe
it,
but
stay
with
her,
with
soft
murmurings
and
reassurance
that
she
is
good,
perfect,
loved.
Until
she
can
4inally
hear
and
receive
this
message.
Ahhhhh.
What
a
gift
this
is
you
can
give.
And
seriously,
bless
you
if
you
can
do
this
for
a
woman.
3:
Try,
as
best
you
can
to
bring
her
into
the
realms
of
sacred
rather
than
ego-‐
centric
sexuality
right
now.
That
means
releasing
the
search
for
your
or
even
her
pleasure.
It
means
releasing
need.
Releasing
lack.
Releasing
all
judgment.
All
possessiveness.
All
goals.
It
means,
as
best
as
you
can,
4illing
yourself
with,
4loating
in,
and
expressing
unconditional
love.
So
that
she
may
–
perhaps
for
the
4irst
time
in
her
life
–
express
her
true
heart,
fully,
with
all
its
tears,
all
its
truths,
all
its
shame
and
all
its
human
beauty.
Be
her
divine
and
in4inite
unjudging,
unneeding
container
and
receiver.
4:
And
remember,
at
the
deepest
spiritual
reality,
at
the
level
of
Source,
we
are
all
mirrors
of
each
other,
part
of
each
other,
puzzle
pieces
of
one
reality.
The
love
that
you
give
to
her
in
this
moment
may
alter
and
heal
and
change
her
life
forever.
The
more
healing
you
can
bring
your
woman,
the
more
open
and
present
and
vulnerable
and
surrendered
she
can
be
with
you.
You
are
not
only
healing
her,
you
are
creating,
by
virtue
of
your
steady,
skilled
hand
and
loving
heart
–
your
dream
lover.
Let’s
do
focus
4irst
because
it’s
simpler.
Some
women
will
4ind
that
their
minds
wander
during
sex.
They
may
be
anxious
about
something,
including
the
sex!
They
may
start
checking
out
because
they
are
not
comfortable
or
have
some
trauma
left
over
from
their
past
(I
deal
with
this
elsewhere
in
this
book.
“I’m here”
or
or
“You’re safe”
or
Or
you
can
tap,
spank
or
gently
slap
her
to
bring
her
back.
Fantasies
are
a
whole
other
realm…
Feel
free
to
play-‐act
together.
You
never
know
how
imaginative
she
is
until
you
open
that
door.
You
can
lead,
or
start
the
fantasies,
or
she
can
start.
But
here’s
the
thing
–
once
she
starts,
don't
contradict
or
“interrupt
her
fantasy.
If
you
want
to
build
on
it,
do
it
by
asking…
“And
is
anyone
watching
us?”
rather
than
“And
there’s
a
buxom
blonde
maid
watching
us
through
the
window.”
You
will
ruin
the
spell
she
is
creating
for
herself
with
your
clumsy
additions.
So in this case, follow her lead, because she will get herself aroused…
There
is
an
improve
acting
game
called
“yes…
and.”
Meaning
you
never
contradict
or
change
directions…
you
merely
add
on
in
the
direction
she
is
creating.
Let
her
choose….
unless
she
wants
you
to
choose.
This
allows
her
to
relax
into
her
fantasies…
And
make
her
more
generous
and
enthusiastic
in
ful4illing
yours
when
it’s
your
turn.
“Let’s play… what fantasies do you have? Who do you want me to be?”
If
she
has
trouble
coming
up
with
something
for
whatever
reason,
offer
her
some
scenarios…
Did
she
ever
want
to
sleep
with
her
brother’s
friends?
Did
she
ever
want
to
sleep
with
her
son’s
friends?
Did
she
ever
want
to
sleep
with
her
father’s
friend?
Did
she
ever
want
to
sleep
with
her
minister,
priest
rabbi?
Has
she
ever
wanted
to
be
penetrated
by
2
or
3
or
more
men
at
once?
Is
there
a
racial
fantasy
she
has?
Is
there
a
location
she
fantasizes
about?
In
a
crowded
room?
A
beach,
a
bathroom
in
a
fancy
restaurant.
Once
she
picks
a
story
or
a
location
or
a
couple
of
characters,
then
ask
her
sensual
details…
Ask
her
what
does
she
see?
What
are
the
materials
in
the
room?
What’s
the
light
like?
How
is
she
dressed?
What
does
her
clothing
feel
like
against
her
skin?
What
does
she
hear?
Is
there
music
playing?
Are
there
voices?
Whose
voices?
Might
you
be
discovered?
Is
there
danger?
What
does
she
feel?
Is
she
nervous?
Is
anything
pressing
against
her?
Is
she
self
lubricating?
Use all the sensual awakening skills you learned in part 1 of this book.
When she offers, and if she’s any kind of lover, she will, ask for what you want.
If
you’re
nervous
about
freaking
her
out
–
preface
it
by
saying,
“remember
-‐
no
judgment”
while
you
also
reassure
her
that
she
is
“safe”
with
you.
Again,
this
allows
her
to
relax.
Safety is the foundation of all bodily opening with women.
ORAL WONDERS
The
thing
about
giving
oral
pleasure
to
women
is
that
most
“guides”
focus
on
the
mechanics.
Where
to
put
your
tongue,
your
lips,
your
4ingers.
They
often
forget
that
in
many
cases,
women
orgasm
more
reliably
from
cunnilingus
than
they
do
from
intercourse,
and
it
should
be
treated
with
all
the
honor
of
being
“the
main
event.”
With that in mind, let’s review what you “need” to know…
Ø Ask.
Start
by
asking
her
what
she
loves,
what
she
doesn't,
what
she’s
curious
about
trying.
Every
woman
is
different.
Ask
her
to
guide
you
as
you
go,
using
the
numbers
game
I
have
given
you
just
above.
Ø Variety.
In
many
ways,
variation
is
the
rule
until
you
hit
a
stride
and
she
starts
digging
it.
Stop
variation
when
she
grabs
your
ears
and
pulls
you
down
–
and
keep
doing
whatever
it
is
that
she
is
loving.
Ø Enthusiasm.
Most
women
–
not
all
–
are
self
conscious
about
the
taste
and
aroma
of
their
honeypot
(not
to
mention
the
euphemisms
we
use!)
–
so
your
demonstration
of
enthusiasm
and
approval
will
go
a
long
way
to
relax
her
into
orgasmic
readiness.
Ø Make
some
good,
slurpy,
joyful
noises,
like
you
are
eating
the
most
delicious
meal
you
have
ever
had.
Do
or
say
absolutely
nothing
to
reinforce
her
paranoia
about
taste
or
smell
-‐-‐
or
you
may
get
banished
forever.
Make
it
clear
that
she
smells
like
4lowers
to
you.
Breathe
deep
draughts
of
her
in.
Tell
her
how
beautiful
her
pussy
is.
How
delicious.
Tell
her
how
you
have
been
thinking
about
tasting
and
licking
her
all
day.
Tell
her
that
she
tastes
like
a
garden,
like
a
goddess,
like
springtime
(and
not
springtime
in
Trenton).
Tell
her
you
want
to
drink
her
down,
that
her
pussy
is
like
the
elixir
of
youth.
Ø Variety.
In
many
ways,
variation
is
the
rule
until
you
hit
a
stride
and
she
starts
digging
it.
Stop
variation
when
she
grabs
your
ears
and
pulls
you
down
–
and
keep
doing
whatever
it
is
that
she
is
loving.
Ø Don't
stop,
slow
down,
don't
do
it
too
much
harder
or
softer,
just
repeat
it...
get
her
excited
through
variation,
bring
her
to
orgasm
through
repetition.
It’s
in
the
Bible.
Or
should
be.
Ø Did
I
mention
variety?
Vary
the
style,
speed,
and
pressure
with
which
you
perform
oral
upon
her.
Vary
how
you
hook
your
elbows
around
her
thighs
or
lift
her
up,
or
gently
raise
the
hood
over
the
clitoris.
You
are
a
whole
body
–
use
it!
Ø More
variety!
Don’t
just
get
a
lickin’!
Breathe
over
her.
Run
you
lips
up
her
thighs.
Murmur
your
lips
over
her
labia.
Kiss
around
the
bullseye.
Suckle
her
thigh
just
below
the
smile.
Don’t
miss
those
soft
tender
hollows
of
her
hipbone
on
either
side
of
her
mound
of
Venus
(I
do
love
euphemisms!).
Lick
and
tease
the
area
above
her
clitoris
before
you
dive
in.
Make
her
wait.
Exquisite
anticipation…
Ø When
you've
teased
her
to
the
point
where
she's
squirming
and
moaning,
or
telling
you
to
start
licking
the
pussy
itself
already,
then
move
your
head
right
between
her
legs,
look
her
in
the
eye,
give
her
a
“you’re
going
to
really
get
it
now”
look,
place
your
lips
and
tongue
directly
over
her
clitoris
(if
she
hasn't
already
pushed
your
head
down
there),
place
your
lips
all
along
her
lips
like
a
lippy
Tupperware
and…
Ø At
4irst
lick
the
clitoris
softly
(make
sure
your
mouth
is
wet)
and
slowly,
without
much
pressure
-‐-‐
delicately.
Then
treat
her
pussy
as
you
would
an
exquisite
mouth.
Kiss
it.
Kiss
it
passionately.
Play
with
the
lips.
Touch
your
tongue
on
her
“tongue.”
Ø Whoa!
More
variety!
Once
you
have
begun,
don’t
get
too
focused.
Flow
lovingly
from
kissing
and
licking
her
labia,
her
clitoris,
her
upper
thighs.
Fill
her
opening
with
your
tongue.
If
she
likes
that,
slide
your
tongue
in
and
out
of
her
hole,
like
it's
your
penis.
Ø If
you’re
into
it
–
vary
it
up
some
more
and
touch
your
tongue
to
her
ass
(you
begin
to
see
why
I’m
such
a
big
fan
of
a
nice
bath
or
hot
tub
before
making
love.
For
you
farmers
out
there,
I
often
say
it
is
my
equivalent
of
a
sheep
dip)
Lick
around
her
rim,
dart
your
tongue
and
treat
it
like
Venetian
glass.
Nothing
gets
rammed
in
there,
even
your
tongue.
Ø As
Ian
Kerner
writes
so
clearly
in
his
book,
The
Cliterate
Male,
you
should
never
assume
your
partner
is
as
excited
as
you
are.
Even
if
she's
wet
down
there,
her
physical
arousal
may
not
be
indicative
of
the
psychological
arousal
she
is
-‐-‐
or
isn't
-‐-‐
feeling.
Instead,
he
advises,
focus
on
these
other
signs…
Ø As
she
begins
to
climax
or
moan
more,
enjoy
it,
keep
a
rhythm
of
licking
her,
whatever
she
is
enjoying
(or
telling
you
to
do).
Avoid
the
common
mistake
of
speeding
up
or
licking
HARDER
now,
thinking
that
will
bring
her
to
orgasm.
Slow
and
steady
–
and
SAME.
Ø Its
called
giving
head
because
you
can
use
your
whole
head!
(not
really)
In
any
case,
project
your
enthusiasm
by
engaging
the
muscles
in
your
neck
and
shoulders.
Your
whole
head,
your
whole
body
really
can
echo
your
tongue
-‐
sweeping,
repeating,
constant
motion,
with
your
tongue
and
lips
still
swirling
and
stimulating
her
clit
over
and
over
until
she
starts
to
shudder.
Ø At
this
point…
keep
doing
the
EXACT
same
thing,
unless
she
positions
you
differently
or
gives
you
instructions.
DON'T
STOP
until
they're
done
coming.
Then,
once
they've
collapsed
and
are
exhausted..
well,
this
is
the
beauty
of
being
a
woman
–
you
can
start
all
over
again.
Ø Give
her
the
4inger.
Just
as
you
should
use
your
entire
body,
so
too
should
you
apply
your
4inger.
Some
women
like
when
you
rub
your
(lubed
or
pre-‐wetted)
4inger
along
her
labia.
Some
don’t
like
you
to
insert
it
–
they
are
rightfully
aware
of
infections
and
want
to
know
where
your
4inger
has
been
of
late.
Try
putting
the
tips
of
your
4ingers
into
her
vagina,
instead,
while
still
using
your
mouth,
and
play
with
the
entrance.
Do
not
rush
to
push
your
4ingers
in
deep.
There
are
far
more
nerve
endings
at
the
entrance
of
the
vagina
than
anywhere
else
and
you
should
make
good
use
of
every
single
one!
Ø
If
you
do
insert,
one
of
the
most
reliable
stimulating
practices
is
to
suckle
or
lick
her
clitoris
while
you
do
the
famous
“come
here”
motion
with
your
fore4inger
on
her
g-‐spot
just
above
the
opening
on
the
front
interior
wall
of
her
vagina.
But
you
knew
that
already,
didn’t
you?
Ø Even
if
you
know
it
all,
here’s
some
more
detail
because
this
shit
is
important!
First,
make
sure
your
nails
are
clipped
and
not
sharp-‐edged.
You
will
4ind
her
g-‐spot
as
a
slightly
rough
patch
on
the
FRONT
INNER
WALL
of
her
vaginal
room,
above
the
hole
itself.
So,
in,
up,
and
back
towards
the
entrance.
Start
with
one
4inger,
then
if
she
is
not
too
tight,
two
4ingers.
With
the
“come
here”
movement,
pull
the
pads
of
your
4ingertips
over
that
spot,
with
some
good
pressure.
You
can
stroke
it
steadily
or
tease
it.
Feel
what
she
loves
most.
Ø If
you’re
dong
it
right,
you'll
start
to
hear
squooshy,
sponge-‐like
sounds.
The
g-‐spot
is
actually
quite
like
a
sponge,
it
contains
a
lot
of
liquid..
Keep
pressing
your
4ingers
against
it,
over
and
over,
rhythmically,
with
the
same
kind
of
rhythm
as
if
you
were
penetrating
her
with
your
penis.
As
she
starts
to
get
wetter,
and
enjoy
it
more,
you
can
increase
the
force
–
you
can
really
“4ingerbang”
her
hard
against
that
g-‐spot
even,
slamming
her
with
your
4ingers
while
being
careful
of
her
outer
labia.
Ø If
she
says
it
hurts,
slow
down
or
stop.
If
she’s
not
wet,
add
lube
or
give
her
big
wet
slurpy
kisses.
Ø Consider
placing
a
pillow
or
two
beneath
her
pelvis.
It
will
make
her
hot
spots
easier
to
access
and
more
exposed.
Ø Explore.
Go
all
Lewis
and
Clark
on
the
girl!
Try
different
things,
different
numbers
of
4ingers,
different
parts
of
her
pussy
and
ass.
Finger
her
as
you
kiss
her.
Finger
her
as
you
go
down
on
her.
Try
all
variations.
And
continually
pay
attention.
Ø The
Elusive
Female
Ejaculation.
See
under
“Amrita.”
Look,
I
tend
not
to
promote
the
“achievement”
of
sexuality,
so
I
don’t
ant
to
make
a
big
deal
about
female
ejaculation.
In
short,
some
women
do
it
all
the
time.
I
have
gotten
drenched
–
as
if
a
bucket
of
water
is
being
thrown
in
my
face.
Some
women
gush.
Some
squirt.
But
most
have
never
had
this
experience
–
and
some
don’t
even
know
about
it
at
all!
Ø Without
getting
into
the
mysterious
science
of
it,
women,
when
you
stimulate
them
as
described
above,
will
suddenly
feel
the
need
to
pee.
You
may
need
to
reassure
her
that
it’s
not
pee,
that
she
should
just
relax
and
you
keep
on
doing
what
you’ve
been
doing.
You
might
even
get
into
a
wrestling
match
as
she
tries
to
close
her
legs
or
pull
away
–
but
do
not
let
up!
Ø If
she
is
a
girl
who
can
or
tends
to
ejaculate
“amrita”
4luid,
about
10-‐40
seconds
after
the
pee
sensation
begins,
she
will
start
to
cum.
When
she
does,
still
DON'T
STOP!
Just
keep
your
pressure
and
rhythm
going,
even
harder
and
harder
and
harder,
pressuring
the
g-‐spot
upwards
all
the
while.
Ø Now
she
should
start
to
ejaculate.
She'll
scream,
and
her
pussy
will
start
shooting
clear
(transparent),
odorless
liquid
all
over
the
place.
There
could
be
a
lot
of
it,
it
might
soak
you
completely
and
soak
the
sheets
and
everything
around
her,
so
make
sure
you're
prepared.
Wear
galoshes.
Ø If
she’s
never
had
one
before,
the
squirting
orgasm
will
likely
be
the
best
orgasm
of
her
life.
Most
women
CAN
squirt
–
although
it
is
rare
that
a
man
knows
what
he
is
doing
enough
to
make
it
happen.
(If
it’s
available
still,
check
out
Steve
P’s
White
Tantra
DVD
series.
Get
visual
instruction
on
this
one).
Ø
If
you
want
her
to
ejaculate
in
dousing
volumes,
and
if
she
loved
the
experience,
make
sure
she
drinks
great
huge
glasses
of
water
before
you
have
sex
again.
Ø
If
she’s
hydrated,
she
should
be
able
to
orgasm
and
squirt
again
within
5-‐10
minutes
later.
Usually,
you
have
to
do
it
harder
each
time
as
her
sensitivity
will
grown
course.
If
she
does
in
fact
have
multiple
ejaculations
of
4luid
–
she
will
likely
pass
out
from
exhaustion.
Make
her
drink
water
before
she
vanishes
with
the
sandman.
Ø Don’t
Forget
To
Enjoy
the
fruits
of
your
efforts.
As
you
bring
her
to
mind-‐blowing
climax,
watch
–
if
you
can
–
her
face
contort
with
that
delicious
agony.
Stay
with
her
through
the
entire
process.
See
if
she
looks
down
and
greet
her
eyes
with
your
determined
eyes
–
right
until
the
end.
And
beyond.
You’re
aloud
to
feel
proud
of
yourself
now.
Let
her
know
you
know
you
are
“the
man.”
But
the
fun
is
not
over…
Ø After
she
has
come,
wait
a
few
minutes.
Let
her
breathing
return.
Gently
kiss
her
belly,
her
wrists,
her
breasts.
Really,
anything
but
her
clit.
Then
–
ever
so
slowly
–
like
a
coming
storm,
work
yourself
back
down
to
your
4ield
of
triumph….
Ø Let
her
remember
who
you
are
and
what
you
can
do.
Gently
kiss
her
pussy
a
few
times,
gently
licks.
She
will
either
warm
up
more
quickly
since
she
is
“pre-‐owned”
or
she
might
be
so
sensitive
she
is
now
done!
If
she
moans,
with
a
4lat
tongue,
start
her
up
again
–
and
her
next
orgasm
will
likely
be
not
that
far
away.
Ø This
one
skill
above
all
others
will
earn
you
gratitude
points
in
droves.
Enjoy
the
process.
And
the
rewards.
For
more
detail
on
arousing
women
–
more
detail
than
most
men
will
ever
get
to
put
into
effect
(!)
check
out,
She
Comes
First:
The
Thinking
Man's
Guide
to
Pleasuring
a
Woman
–
by
Ian
Kerner
as
well
as
his
other
book
I
mentioned
above
–
The
Cliterate
Male.
If
you’re
going
to
be
expert
in
something
in
your
life,
why
not
this?
J
INTERCOURSE
But
many
others,
myself
included,
4ind
that
it
is
something
to
be
integrated,
to
4low
into
a
whole
intertwining
of
oral,
manual
and
verbal
play,
one
moving
smoothly
or
suddenly
into
the
next.
There
are
few
important
things
to
say
about
intercourse
when
it
comes
to
bringing
out
the
dream
lover
in
your
partner…
Ø no
one
is
the
same,
so
some
women
may
love
to
get
pounded
and
some
may
love
slow
sweet
lovemaking.
Pay
attention
to
her
breathing
and
her
response…
and
ask!
Ø Whether
you
are
on
top,
below
or
behind
–
play
with
the
angle
of
penetration
–
so
that
your
penis
may
hit
her
back
inside
toward
the
anus,
in
front
along
her
g-‐spot
or
even
high
up
inside
at
her
cervix,
where
enough
stimulation
can
evoke
a
“uterine
orgasm”
–
so
different
and
so
much
more
internal
than
her
usual
clitoral
orgasms.
Ø I
know
you
want
to
impress
your
lover
with
your
vitality
and
youthful
force
and
stamina
–
but
drop
that
early.
Your
attention
to
the
ebb
and
4low
of
her
excitation
will
likely
have
a
far
more
profound
affect
on
her
pleasure.
Ø Vary
it
up,
cowboy!
Unless
she
grabs
you
and
keeps
you
“in
position”
so
she
can
orgasm
against
you
with
you
“right
there”
–
4low
from
position
to
position,
angle
to
angle,
intercourse
to
oral,
4inger
to
penis,
or
both
and/or
in
both
holes
down
below
Ø Note:
I
don’t
care
what
porno’s
show
about
“ass
to
mouth”
or
ass
to
anything
–
there
are
nasty
germs
up
there
and
any
time
you
enter
it
with
your
4inger,
your
lips,
your
cock
or
any
kind
of
toy
–
wash
that
shit
right
away
and
disinfect.
You
owe
it
to
yourself
AND
to
her.
Ø There
has
been
so
much
written
about
“positions”
–
the
truth
is
that
she
will
enjoy
different
positions
and
at
different
times.
Some
women
will
only
come
on
top
and
some
only
in
doggie.
Over
time,
you
can
experiment,
but
in
the
beginning,
go
with
her
4low
–
and
expand
slightly
on
angles,
speeds,
circular
motions,
shifting
your
weight
or
pressing
your
hips
into
her
at
different
angles.
Play.
Discover.
Learn.
Bene4it.
Ø Don’t
forget
lying
side
by
side,
moving
in
and
out
of
her,
gazing
into
those
gorgeous
peepers
of
her.
Guys
often
forget
this
one,
in
favor
of
the
Olympiad.
The
Kama
Sutra,
if
you
didn’t
know,
offered
sexual
positions
that
are
basically
yoga
postures
adapted
to
the
art
of
lovemaking.
These
positions
each
evoke
different
health,
connection
and
healing
energies
–
literally
creating
energetic
circuits
between
you
and
your
lover.
The
most
connected
circuit
of
course
is
when
you
are
moving
in
and
out
of
her
and
kissing
her
at
the
same
time.
What
the
Tantrics
call
the
“upper”
and
“lower”
gates.
ORGASM
It
is
called
“the
little
death”
in
French,
because
our
bodies,
well,
our
male
bodies
anyway,
release
hormones
that
put
us
to
sleep.
But
also
something
dies
in
us
–
thought,
consciousness,
the
chattering
of
our
minds.
For
an
extended
moment,
we
get
to
escape
our
everyday
world
of
pressures,
status,
bills,
need,
anxiety.
We
die
to
our
little
selves.
For
starters,
we
are
born
into
full-‐body
pleasure,
which
is
something
men
rarely
get
to
experience.
We
rarely
allow
ourselves
to
experience
it.
I
suggest
that
you
make
the
most
of
it
and
see
just
how
powerful
an
experience
you
can
create
from
your
orgasm.
Before
you
come,
as
you
feel
the
heat
rising
inside
the
shaft
of
your
penis,
gather,
as
if
on
streams
of
light
or
heat
–
all
the
energy
available
in
your
body
–
from
the
crown
of
your
head,
from
the
tips
of
your
4inger
and
toes,
from
the
depths
of
your
most
powerful
sinews
–
suck
it
all
up
like
a
vacuum
drawing
might
and
energy
and
light
and
consciousness
from
your
ENTIRE
body
–
and
then,
storing
it
up
building
it
up
in
the
base
of
your
penis,
hold
it
back
until
you're
the
Hoover
Dam
x
1000
–
and
then
4ire
all
your
collected
power
into
your
lover
–
eyes
locked
hers
if
the
angle
allows
it.
You
might
4ind
that
you
scream
at
the
top
of
your
lungs.
Go
for
it.
You
might
4ind
that
you
are
so
spiritually
locked
into
her
or
into
the
force
that
drives
the
green
fuse
that
you
are
4loating
in
awed
silence
even
as
shoot
the
force
of
entire
Amazon
river
basin
into
her.
Also
4ine.
[By
the
way
–
you
have
more
resources
to
draw
from
for
your
orgasm.
Here’s
another
practice:
try
drawing
power,
not
merely
from
the
depth
and
extremities
of
your
body
–
but
from
the
burning
core
of
the
Earth,
from
the
heat
of
volcanoes,
from
the
balls
of
4ire
that
are
the
stars,
from
the
warmth
of
sun-‐drenched
4ields,
the
starkness
of
glaciers,
the
blood
of
beasts,
the
might
of
granite
cliffs
and
peaks.
You
are
one
with
them
anyway
–
so
draw
them
into
your
body
and
4low
the
power
that
the
physical
universe
offers
you
and
drive
them
into
the
body
of
your
woman
so
that
she
can
feel
as
much
as
she
is
able
to
receive.
Women
are
often
exquisitely
sensitive
and
will
feel
the
difference.
Not
always,
but
often,
and
that’s
okay
too.
Your
task
is
to
offer
your
best.]
There
is
no
right
and
no
wrong
way
to
orgasm.
Every
person
is
unique
and
every
orgasm
is
unique.
There
are
so
many
factors
going
into
your
and
her
orgasms…
location,
time,
context,
physical,
energetic,
emotional
and
mental
conditions.
The
4irst
gift
I
can
give
to
you
and
your
lover
is
to
enjoy
your
orgasms.
That
may
sound
obvious
to
you
but
there
is
a
secret
hidden
within.
And
that
is
to
let
go
of
all
judgments
around
your
orgasms.
In
some
ways,
they
are
visitors
to
your
body.
Yes,
you
can
guide
them,
visualize
them,
but
with
all
the
physiological
and
emotional
factors
4lowing
into
your
moments
of
orgasm,
they
often
arrive
with
surprises.
Maybe
your
“load”
is
huge,
or
maybe
it’s
small.
Maybe
it
shoots
over
head
and
hits
the
wall.
Or
maybe
it
plops
out
in
a
little
pool,
like
a
burp.
The
point
is
that
none
of
these
things
have
metaphorical
signi4icance
or
re4lect
upon
you
as
a
man.
Enjoy your orgasm, feel it as a gift as is arrives, as it comes, and as it passes.
Also,
“feel”
without
judgment
the
natural
ebbs
and
4lows
of
your
orgasm.
Yes,
there
are
climax
or
“peak”
moments,
heights
of
excitation
and
“goal”
oriented
ejaculation.
But
there
is
also
what
is
known
as
the
“valley”
moments
of
orgasm,
where
you
slow
down
and
feel
the
moment
more
deeply.
Where
there
is
no
goal,
but
only
the
fullness
of
the
moment,
the
fullness
of
your
body
alive
and
aglow.
As
you
develop
more
consciousness
and
more
control
over
your
orgasm,
you
will
4ind
that
you
experience
longer
periods
of
actually
“being
orgasmic”
–
of
being
in
peak
state
over
a
duration,
rather
than
just
peaking
in
a
splat
of
ejaculation
when
you
get
excited.
How
do
you
develop
these
skills?
There
are
many
resources
on
this,
and
the
classic
work
is
Mantak
Chia’s
Taoist
masterpiece…
The
Multi-‐Orgasmic
Man:
Sexual
Secrets
Every
Man
Should
Know
I
want
to
give
you
the
basics
and
make
it
easy
for
you.
I
4ind
that
in
many
resources
on
Tantra
or
Taoist
sexuality,
there
is
dif4icult
terminology
that
just
makes
everything
distant
and
“mystical.”
Here
is
your
basic
guide
to
Tantric
or
Taoist
orgasm”
which
has
many
bene4its,
including
giving
you
more
energy,
helping
you
last
WAY
longer
in
bed,
and
yes,
on
the
ego
level,
impressing
your
lover
with
your
cool,
mystical
ninja
sex
skills.
1:
Orgasm
is
believed
to
“drain”
your
body
energy,
not
just
physically
but
spiritually.
So…
2:
It
is
recommended
that
you
limit
your
ejaculations.
This
does
not
mean
that
you
limit
your
orgasms.
You
can
orgasm
without
ejaculating,
thereby
experiencing
bliss
and
communion
with
your
lover
and
the
divine,
but
not
losing
any
bit
of
your
life
force.
3:
To
feel
and
enjoy
your
orgasm
fully
without
ejaculation,
do
this
practice
when
you
masturbate.
Bring
yourself
to
orgasm,
but
when
you
feel
the
heat
collecting
in
the
shaft
of
your
penis,
while
you
are
still
touching
yourself,
focus
and
draw
that
heat
up
back
into
abdomen
and
with
a
powerful,
deep
breath
–
BREATHE
it
up
your
spine
slowly,
feeling
it
rise,
vertebra
by
vertebra…
breathe
it
right
up
throught
the
straight
column
of
your
neck
and
up
and
out
the
crown
of
your
head…
where
you
can
watch
it
dissipate
into
a
cool
umbrella
of
cool
energy
falling
all
around
you
slowly
and
gently
and
lovingly
and
protectively.
Feel
enveloped
in
that
energy.
Now
breathe
out
slowly
and
you
are
free
to
return
to
your
stimulated
penis.
You
will
4ind,
as
you
practice
this,
that
you
will
experience
the
most
exquisite
orgasmic
heat
and
release
throughout
your
body
rather
than
ejaculating.
Yes it’s a neat trick. But it does take practice. The rewards are great.
4:
Another
practice
you
can
use
is
when
you
urinate
to
contract
your
“pc”
muscle
which
located
between
your
testicles
and
your
anus.
That
area
so
charmingly
called
your
“taint”
(‘tain’t
your
balls,
‘taint
your
ass).
This
muscle
can
put
sudden
pressure
on
your
urethra
–
and
cause
your
stream
of
urine
to
halt.
It
can
also
put
pressure
on
the
tubes
that
deliver
your
ejaculate
–
and
can
cause
it
to
get
bottled
up.
Of
course
if
you
are
too
late,
you
can
hold
back
a
few
seconds,
but
it
will
shoot
forth.
Your
practice
is
to
halt
your
urine
4low
at
least
7
times
every
time
you
pee.
This
will
make
your
muscle
literally
stronger
and
give
you
more
control
over
your
orgasm.
However,
I
4ind
that
the
meditation
practice
mentioned
above
is
far
more
satisfying
and
less
“force”
oriented.
You
will
discover
that
when
you
make
these
two
practices
work
together,
you
will
have
a
kind
of
control
that
you’ve
never
experienced
before.
And
it
is
something
most
women
rarely
witness.
They
tend
to
4ind
your
ability
to
discipline
yourself
highly
masculine
and
sexy.
Although
some
women,
untrained
and
narrowly
educated,
will
still
believe
that
if
you
don’t
ejaculate,
she
has
not
“performed”
suf4iciently.
It
is
your
opportunity
to
introduce
to
this
deeper
kind
of
non-‐goal-‐obsessed
sex.
5:
These
spiritual
traditions
can
be
pretty
fervent
in
recommending
not
ejaculating.
They
say
you
live
longer
and
healthier
because
you
are
preserving
your
“chi.”
Yes,
maybe.
I’m
no
doctor.
But
I
can
tell
you
something
with
absolute
certainty…
When
you
do
have
the
ability
to
orgasm
without
ejaculating,
when
you
jump
off
the
treadmill
of
“sexual
display”
or
“sexual
goals”
and
stay
in
a
pleasant
orgasmic
state
for
longer
and
longer
periods
of
time
as
you
are
pleasuring
your
partner,
then
you
lost
that
edge
of
“neediness”
that
women
feel
is
deeply
un-‐masculine.
When
you
don’t
“need”
to
come,
you
can
enjoy
the
dance
of
Eros
with
your
lover.
You
will
feel
nothing
like
the
grunting,
snortling,
1-‐
minute-‐wonder
she
might
be
used
to.
I
believe
that
our
culture
of
achievement
has
created
a
fetish
around
orgasms.
Yes,
orgasms
are
wonderful.
Orgasms
can
cause
a
woman
to
shudder,
to
transform,
to
release
years
of
anxiety
and
tension.
“…is
a
state
where
your
body
is
no
longer
felt
as
matter;
it
vibrates
like
energy,
electricity.
It
vibrates
so
deeply,
from
the
very
foundation,
that
you
completely
forget
that
it
is
a
material
thing.
In
orgasm,
you
come
to
this
deepest
layer
of
your
body
where
matter
no
longer
exists,
just
energy
waves;
you
become
a
dancing
energy,
vibrating.”
Orgasm
together
is
one
of
the
most
exquisite
experiences
you
can
have
with
a
partner
–
the
deepest
moment
of
“beyond-‐personality”
bonding
you
can
ever
have.
[In
fact,
I
often
say
that
“simultaneous
orgasm”
and
“passive
income”
are
my
two
favorite
compound
terms
in
the
English
language.]
But
the
drive
for
orgasm
as
“proof”
that
a
sexual
encounter
was
a
“success”
makes
the
horrible
crime
against
sex
of
mistaking
the
destination
for
the
journey.
Your
woman
may
believe,
because
she’s
watched
so
much
more
porn
in
her
formative
years,
that
orgasm
is
necessary.
It’s not.
What is necessary is honesty and clarity around the issue.
Therefore,
I
highly
suggest
to
you
to
open
a
discussion
BEFORE
you
have
sex
around
orgasm.
Tell
her
that
you
want
to
deeply
connect
with
her,
or
have
a
great
time,
or
whatever
is
true
for
you.
And
tell
her
a
lot
of
people
worry
about
orgasms,
but
“it’s
about
the
journey
not
the
destination.”
Ask
her
if
has
trouble
orgasming
or
ask
her
how
she
usually
orgasms.
Ask her not to fake an orgasm if you don’t want her too.
Ask
her
during
sex
if
that
was
an
orgasm
(it’s
not
always
so
clear)!
You
can
often
tell
if
she
screams,
or
if
the
pace
of
her
breath
changes,
or
you
can
feel
that
slight
change
of
viscosity
on
her
labia.
Can you spot the key word in all the above?
Keep
the
pressure
off.
In
recent
studies,
it
was
shown
that
only
30%
of
women
report
reaching
orgasm
during
sexual
intercourse,
but
over
80%
reach
orgasm
during
masturbation.
So
keep
the
lines
of
communication
open
around
orgasm
so
there
are
no
unmet
expectations
or
shame
or
miscommunications.
Everybody
should
get
what
he
or
she
wants
–
but
they
won’t
if
they
don’t
clearly
ASK
for
it!
So…
Sometimes,
women
will
tell
you
they
may
have
never
orgasmed
before
in
their
lives.
This
is
a
perfect
opportunity
for
you
to
turn
what
would
otherwise
be
mere
sexual
contact
into
genuine
sexual
healing.
This
requires
some
extra
understanding,
effort
and
patience
from
you.
Orgasm
is,
at
its
core,
an
absolutely
natural
and
universal
spasm
–
a
release
of
pent
up
energy.
In
this
way,
it
is
not
unrelated
to
laughing
and
crying.
But
whereas
those
two
have
an
involuntary
element
to
them,
two
things
usually
block
a
woman’s
ability
to
sexually
orgasm:
namely
she
needs
to
These
don’t
happen
with
a
“special
move.”
They
require
patience
on
your
part
and
a
combination
of
both
mental
and
physical
opening.
Follow
the
following
steps.
And,
release
any
expectation
of
success.
You
might
do
“everything
right”
and
still
not
be
able
to
help
her
experience
orgasm.
That’s
got
to
be
ok
for
you
–
and
for
her.
The
more
pressure
you
put
on
yourself
and
on
her,
the
more
you
are
defeating
your
own
purpose.
“Achievement”
needs
to
not
be
the
context,
but
rather
a
very
patient
healing
process
should
be
the
context
–
where
the
connection
during
the
journey
is
foremost,
not
the
“goal.”
With
that…
here
are
the
steps
to
consider
to
help
her
relax
into
orgasm.
1:
Start
with
gentle,
non-‐sexual
energy
massage.
With
this,
all
you
want
to
do
is
make
her
feel
cherished
and
adored.
You
want
her
to
slowly
release
tension
in
her
arms
and
legs,
her
back,
her
4ingers
and
toes.
All
while
whispering
kind
words
–
complimenting
her
on
her
beauty
and
her
gradual
relaxation.
2.
Then,
slowly
move
into
entire
body
stimulation
with
touch,
kisses,
and
massage,
so
she
can
feel
her
whole
body
being
accepted
and
loved
by
you.
This
phase
can
progress
to
playful
genital
contact,
but
without
any
pressure
to
move
into
“sex.”
3.
Pay
attention
to
any
fears
or
inhibitions
that
might
arise
–
if
she
clenches
or
tenses
in
any
way.
She
might
experience
a
tensing
of
muscles,
a
desire
become
suddenly
“elsewhere”
in
her
mind
or
not
present,
feelings
of
fear,
and/or
physical
discomfort.
When
these
things
come
up,
there
is
probably
an
unconscious
or
even
conscious
memory
of
abuse
or
fear
or
shame
–
so
remind
her
of
how
beautiful
she
is,
how
beautiful
that
part
of
her
body
is.
You
are
“re-‐programming”
her
fear
and
shame
in
this
case.
If
she
is
self-‐conscious
about
the
shape
or
smell
or
“shame”
of
her
vagina,
kiss
it
gently,
even
make
out
with
it
like
it
was
the
most
delicious
lover.
Make
noises
of
pleasure
and
tell
her
how
beautiful
she
is
there.
Something
in
her
mind
is
unconsciously
overriding
her
natural
the
orgasmic
re4lex.
Almost
always,
it
is
not
a
body
problem,
but
a
mental
block
or
tension
that
is
shutting
down
the
body’s
response.
Where
you
can
be
extra
helpful
is
the
stay
alert
–
and
sensitive
–
not
only
to
any
tension
in
her
body
blocking
orgasm
–
but
also
to
little
signs
that
she
is
relaxing
or
having
small
“pre-‐orgasmic”
reactions.
Your
job
here
is
to
gently
and
encouragingly
coax
out
these
sensations,
making
it
safe
for
them
to
come
out.
After
Sex,
Postplay,
AfterGlow
“For
a
woman,
intimacy
afterwards
means
being
accepted.
She
experienced
rejection
from
her
father
often
enough
as
a
child.
She
cannot
and
will
not
longer
accept
this
kind
of
treatment.
Bodily
union
is
for
the
man
often
only
a
short
excursion,
for
the
woman
it
is
home.
As
long
as
she
doesn’t
get
it,
she
will
either
rebel
or
despair.
But
when
she
gets
it
she
will
understand
and
forgive.”
-‐
Dieter
Duhm,
Eros
Unleashed
Did you get that – for “the woman it is home.”
Men
love
to
make
fun
of
the
afterglow
of
sex,
because,
lets
face
it,
our
bodies
really
do
tell
us
–
go
to
sleep,
get
a
sandwich,
wander
back
onto
the
savannah
and
enjoy
the
happy
hormone
4lood
throughout
our
bodies.
But
sadly,
women
feel
pretty
much
the
opposite.
I
love
this
quote
from
an
article
I
recently
read,
because
it
so
freaking
obvious.
Really?
Do
we
need
“studies”
to
“show”
this?
Studies
or
no
studies,
if
we
want
our
women
to
feel
loved,
cherished,
special
–
and
we
want
them
to
offer
themselves
up
again
with
fullness
and
enthusiasm
next
time,
it’s
worth
the
extra
effort
to
become
a
connoisseur
of
afterplay.
As
Duhm
says
elsewhere,
“tenderness
is
the
continuation
of
sexuality
by
other
means.”
In
other
words,
what
happens
after
everyone
comes
(or
not)
and
collapses,
is
not
something
“other”
than
the
sex
act
–
it
is
simply
the
closeness,
intimacy
and
vulnerability
of
sex
moving
into
the
next
phase.
You
want
her
to
snuggle
into
the
“home”
of
your
strong,
caring
masculine
protection,
which
is
why
I
begin
the
quick,
life-‐altering
master-‐list
of
afterplay
techniques
with
snuggling…
1:
Cuddle
That
Girl
If
you’re
a
man
and
if
you’ve
just
come,
and
if
you’ve
expended
a
lot
of
energy
in
pleasuring
her
–
and
especially
if
you’re
a
bit
older
than
her
–
she’s
going
to
expect
you
to
4lop
over
like
a
beached
manatee
and
plummet
into
sleep.
So
imagine
how
shocked
and
pleased
she'll
be
if
you
snuggle
up
against
her
after
the
act.
The
fact
that
she
knows
it’s
an
effort
for
you,
makes
your
effort
all
the
more
appreciated
and
endearing.
If
she’s
young,
she’s
probably
used
to
younger
guys
jumping
up
to
check
their
texts
and
to
shower,
leaving
her
cold
and
ignored.
So
rule
number
one:
cuddle
her
close.
Spoon
her.
Kiss
the
back
of
her
neck.
Nibble
her
ears.
Interlace
your
4ingers
with
hers
and
admire
them.
Kiss
her
4ingertips.
Tell
her
how
beautiful
she
is.
In
fact,
if
you
are
doing
your
job,
she
will
feel
more
beautiful
now
–
without
makeup,
hair-‐tangled,
sex-‐4lushed,
covered
in
sweat
and
juices
–
than
she
does
when
she
joins
you
for
a
fancy
dinner.
If
she
does,
then
she
will
feel
more
and
more
comfortable
being
her
“real”
self
and
letting
loose
in
bed.
Which
is
a
big
win
for
everybody.
2: Stay Connected
Cuddling
is
only
the
physical
part
of
staying
connected.
Your
sweet
murmurings
into
her
ear
is
the
verbal
part.
But
you
have
an
opportunity
to
take
her
deeper
into
her
sensuality
and
devotion
to
you.
I
want
you
to
feel
where
her
heart
is.
Does
she
feel
ashamed
at
all?
Is
she
pulling
away?
Did
she
let
it
happen
too
quickly?
Did
she
do
something
that
was
edgy
or
uncomfortable?
Or
is
she
feeling
awesome
and
all
powerful?
Is
she
feeling
the
fullness
of
her
sexual
potency?
Is
she
feeling
that
she
has
reached
a
new
peak
of
womanly
ful4illment?
Read
into
her.
And
then
appreciate,
praise
and
reward
exactly
what
you
feel
are
her
most
delicious,
self-‐loving
thoughts.
If
you
feel
she
might
be
feeling
a
bit
embarrassed
or
shy,
tell
her
how
beautiful
she
is.
How
you
admire
her
self-‐expression,
her
freedom.
And
of
course
how
much
you
cherish
her,
how
it
makes
you
sad
that
everyone
on
earth
can’t
experience
this
moment
right
now,
how
beautiful
and
connected
you
feel
to
her.
And
by
the
way
–
be
sincere.
If
you
don't
feel
it,
don’t
say
it.
It
only
digs
you
deeper
into
being
inauthentic,
which
only
creates
a
deeper
wound.
If,
by
the
way,
she
feels
awesome
and
free
already,
you
can
kick
up
your
enthusiasm
many
notches,
slap
her
on
her
ass,
and
tell
her
that
she
is,
as
a
young
woman
once
exclaimed
to
me,
“fucking
fantastic
and
fantastic
fuck!”
Because
it
was
a
fun,
sexy
encounter
in
a
hotel
while
I
was
traveling
(I
met
her
in
the
lobby)
–
there
is
no
need
to
get
into
all
the
sweet,
connected
intimacy
that
I
mentioned
above.
Remember:
know
the
level
of
sexing
in
which
you
are
participating.
Is
it
fun
and
primal,
is
it
personality
meeting
personality,
is
it
healing,
is
it
tantric,
etc.
Be
sure
to
read
the
accompanying
report
to
this
program
on
the
7
levels
of
sexing!
It
will
give
you
a
guide
to
how
to
act
before
during
and
after
your
encounters.
So
–
staying
connected
is
not
merely
cuddling
or
sweet
nothings.
It’s
staying
connected
to
her
internal
state
–
and
raising
her
self-‐love
and
pride
in
her
body,
her
openness,
her
ability
to
connect
with
and
pleasure
you.
p.s.
sometimes
women
like
to
jump
up
and
shower.
Offer
your
care
and
connection,
but
if
this
is
her
habit
or
need,
don’t
force
her
to
stay.
She
may
need
a
few
weeks
or
months
to
love
herself
enough
to
be
cuddled
after
sex.
As
I
said,
you
will
surprise
your
woman
if
you
merely
cuddle
her
and
stay
with
her
emotionally
and
energetically
for
a
short
while.
But
here
is
something
else
you
should
consider.
As
you
stroke
her
body,
stay
focused
on
her
non-‐
sexual
parts
at
4irst.
Let
her
feel
your
cherishment
of
her
“wholeness”
not
her
“holeness.”
Then,
slowly
start
including
her
erogenous
zones,
but
making
no
special
attention
to
them
–
include
them
merely
as
part
of
her
whole
beauty.
It
may
be
5
or
10
or
15
minutes
later
but
guess
what
–
she
may
be
so
turned
on,
she’ll
want
to
start
up
again.
Women,
sexually
speaking,
are
like
crock-‐pots.
She
may
take
longer
than
you,
but
once
you
get
them
heated
up
–
they
stay
heated!
4:
What
To
Say
Have
you
ever
wondered
why
it’s
called
whispering
“sweet
nothings”?
Why
“nothings”?
Because
in
many
ways,
the
content
of
what
you
say
is
not
as
important
as
the
energy
and
tone
with
which
you
say
it.
If
your
voice
is
soft
and
loving,
cherishing
and
praising,
appreciative
and
admiring,
that
is
what
she
will
hear.
Say
"I
love
you”
and
how
beautiful
she
is
in
as
many
different
ways
as
you
can
imagine.
All
you
need
to
do
now
is
to
reassure
her,
with
your
words
and
your
tone
that
this
was
amazing,
that
she
is
beautiful
–
and
set
yourself
up
for
next
time.
You
tell
her
what
she
did
that
was
amazing
for
you.
You
tell
her
that
she
is
an
amazing
lover.
If
you
loved
her
screams
and
you
want
that
again,
tell
her
how
much
you
loved
her
screams.
If
you
loved
the
way
she
opened
to
you
and
trusted
to
you,
tell
her
that.
If
you
loved
they
way
she
kept
her
mouth
clamped
on
your
while
you
came
and
she
didn’t
let
the
pressure
off,
tell
her
how
much
you
loved
that.
If
you
loved
her
4ingernails
on
your
back,
tell
her
how
sexy
that
was
–
“who
knew
you’d
have
so
much
4ire
in
you?”
When
you
put
it
that
way,
you’ll
get
double
the
4lames
next
time.
The
rule
for
words
in
the
immediate
afterglow
is:
af4irmation
of
what
you
loved,
appreciation,
awe,
cherishment,
support,
gratitude.
Shower
or
bathe
together.
If
you
play
this
right,
it
really
is
about
the
sexiest
thing
you
can
do.
I
mean
really
–
hot,
wet,
nude
bodies
sliding
against
each
other.
Does
life
get
better?
Its
not
only
emotional
–
it’s
physiological
–-‐
the
hot
water
stimulates
blood
4low
and
circulation,
which
keeps
your
body
feeling
aroused
and
sensually
alive.
The
steam
of
course
makes
everything
look
romantic,
blurring
as
it
does
the
rough
or
imperfect
edges
of
your
bodies.
Running
a
soft
sponge
along
her
body.
Washing
her
hair
for
her.
Soaping
up
her
torso
while
you
start
to
lick
and
nibble
her
lovely
bits.
It’s
about
as
erotic
as
life
gets.
Note:
this
is
another
reason
to
buy
pure-‐ingredient
artisanal
soaps
and
shampoos
–
without
all
the
chemicals
in
them.
This
way,
neither
of
you
will
mind
if
you
get
some
in
your
mouth.
There
is
a
primal
element
to
all
of
this.
You
do
realize
that
“grooming”
is
a
long
established
primate
way
of
showing
affection.
That’s
why
women
fall
in
love
with
their
hairdressers,
even
if
they
are
gay.
Bring
all
the
erotic
self-‐
training
you
learned
in
the
4irst
section
of
this
book
to
this
moment.
Slowly
run
your
hands
through
hair.
A
bath
is
great
too.
Have
soft
sponges
handy.
Have
more
slightly
abrasive
body
scrubbers.
The
variety
of
touch
is
a
sensual
and
care-‐taking
turn
on
for
her.
Tip:
If
you
have
a
nice
deep
tub
that
Mits
two
–
Mill
it
half-‐way
with
boiling
hot
water
before
you
two
hit
the
sack.
Then
when
you
emerge,
you
just
have
to
add
some
more
water
to
adjust
the
temperature
and
Mill
the
tub
–
and
you
don’t
have
to
wait
as
long
to
get
in.
I
am
a
huge
lover
of
tubs
and
have
long
had
a
free-‐
standing
clawfoot
tub
at
the
base
of
a
window
that
looks
out
over
mountains.
You
can
put
one
in
your
yard
if
you
want.
Or
if
you
can
get
a
hot-‐tub
–
well,
lets
just
say
that
was
the
best
investment
I’ve
ever
made.
Long,
languorous
holding
and
cuddling,
stroking,
foreplay
and
afterplay
(I
have
a
personal
rule
against
actual
sex
in
the
hot-‐tub.
That
thing
is
s
bitch
to
empty
and
Mill!)
Tip:
create
an
erotic
immersion
for
her.
Have
these
things
handy
for
your
afterglow
bath:
aromatic
or
healing
bath
salts,
sensual
shower
gel,
aromatherapy
candles,
chilled
champagne
or
prosecco,
brandy
or
port.
You
will
be
her
favorite
lover
ever.
Listen,
I’m
guilty
of
it,
so
I’m
not
speaking
from
on
high
here.
I’ve
grabbed
my
phone
to
check
messages
probably
within
a
minute
of
coming.
In
fact,
a
recent
survey
reported
that
over
60%
of
people
have
checked
their
phone
DURING
sex!
Do
yourself
a
favor.
Let
it
go.
It
cheapens
her
and
it
cheapens
you.
And
even
more
importantly,
it
cheapens
Eros.
It
cuts
you
off
from
the
fullness
and
joy
of
the
moment
and
throws
you
back
into
productive
or
work
mode.
Don’t
you
want
more
of
a
vacation
from
that
part
of
yourself
anyway?
Similarly,
don’t
turn
on
the
TV
or
any
electronics,
unless
it’s
her
vibrator
and
you’re
applying
it
to
her.
Just
because
the
sex
is
over
doesn't
mean
it's
hands-‐off.
Massage
is
a
great
way
to
maintain
connection
and
show
appreciation,
while
prolonging
her
glow
(and
reigniting
it).
Stay
away
from
her
pussy,
as
it
might
(if
you’ve
done
your
job,
soldier)
be
extra
tender
for
the
moment.
Trace
light
circles
on
her
back
or
tummy.
Starting
at
the
chest,
move
around
the
navel,
skim
the
pelvic
bone
and
continue
back.
Or
gently
stroke
your
4ingertips
or
4ingernails
from
just
under
her
chin,
along
the
vulnerable
soft
her
neck,
down
between
her
collarbone
and
breasts,
circle
her
nipples
but
don’t
stop
and
obsess
there
,
and
continue
down
to
the
hollows
of
her
hips
above
her
pubis
and
down
to
her
thighs.
Then
slowly,
right
back
up
again.
Life
is
grand,
ain’t
it?
Do
use
this
intimate
time
to
admit
personal
–
even
vulnerable
-‐
sexual
feelings,
thoughts,
and
desires
that
you've
not
previously
shared.
Try
not
to
talk
about
other
women
and
how
they
failed
you.
Even
if
you
think
that
will
make
her
feel
better,
you
don't
want
to
bring
other
women
into
the
bed
at
this
time.
Well,
at
least
not
those
women.
10.
Stay
in
the
Moment
Resist
defaulting
to
talking
about
workaday
or
any
“unromantic”
problems
with
your
job,
your
4inances,
your
future
or
your
children.
Or
your
mother.
Especially
your
mother.
And
don’t
jump
up
to
wash
off.
If
you
like
to
get
clean
quickly
–
get
two
hot
washcloths
and
make
cleaning
each
other
a
ritual,
part
of
your
erotic
encounter.
11. Don’t be Rigid or Have False or Set Unrealistic Expectations.
Look,
sometimes
one
of
you
WILL
want
to
just
roll
over
and
disappear
into
sleep.
If
that’s
you
from
time
to
time,
transition
to
that
by
saying
something
like,
“that
was
delicious,
now
I’m
going
to
dream
about
you…”
It’s
okay
to
vary
things
up
and
be
forgiving
from
time
to
time.
If
she
didn’t
orgasm
–
and
you
may
feel
a
bit
bad
about
that
–
don’t
turn
away
or
disappear.
Often
women
report
that
they
feel
that
your
stroking
and
attention
after
your
orgasm
is
a
generous
and
thoughtful
“consolation
prize.”
What’s
more,
if
you
keep
her
aroused,
she
may
return
the
favor
and
“round
2”
may
come
sooner
than
you
think.
CONCLUSION
Being
her
best
lover,
cultivating
her
to
be
your
best
lover,
as
you
now
see
is
not
merely
a
technical
question
of
knowing
what
to
press,
twist,
nibble,
push,
stretch,
Bill,
Blick
or
anything
else.
It's
a
magniBicent
opportunity
to
cultivate
yourself
and
her
to
be
a
living,
breathing
erotic
being,
exquisitely
awake
and
aware
to
all
the
pleasures
and
emotional
nuances
that
around
you,
24-‐7.
The
deep
and
powerful
teacher
of
Sacred
Sexuality,
Michaal
Mirdad,
puts
it
this
way,
in
his
book,
An
Introduction
to
Tantra
and
Sacred
Sexuality…
It’s
ultimately
about
living
bliss,
not
just
feeling
it.
In
practicing
sacred
sexuality,
we
learn
to
live
within
the
material
world
while
integrating
an
experience
and
vibration
beyond
this
world—one
that
feels
ecstatic
and
almost
uncontainable.
This
vibration
translates
into
consistently
feeling
unconditional
love
for
all
people
and
things,
which
is
why
it
is
called
“the
path
of
living
bliss.”
FURTHER
READING
Allman,
Alex,
Revolutionary
Sex
Chia,
Mantak
The
Multi-‐Orgasmic
Man
Cialdini,
Robert
Inhluence
Deida,
David
Intimate
Communion
Finding
God
Through
Sex
The
Way
of
the
Superior
Man
Blue
Truth
Ford, Debbie
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers
Kerner,
Ian
She
Comes
First
The
Cliterate
Male
Mirdad,
Michael
An
Introduction
to
Tantra
and
Sacred
Sexuality
Osho
Pretty
much
anything!
Perel, Esther
Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic.
Ryan, Christopher and Jetha, Cacilda
Sex At Dawn