Professional Documents
Culture Documents
How the H
go to press?
th is a r ti st a nd O K'd
Who hired
?!!!
this project for press
L co p ie s m u st b e destroyed!
AL
o n ly a few copies
I don’t ca r e th a t
too many!
got printed, one is
l fi nd o u t w h o d id this. I
Iw il
n to th e ir sc r e a m in g for a
will list e
very long time.
-Rushing
Welcome to Pentex 4
Use of this Handbook 4 Authority of Security Personnel 12
Defining Head Office 4 Transfers and Promotions 12
A Brief History 5 First Teams 12
Personal Identification 6 Application for First Team 13
Controlling Directors 7 First Team
Subdivision Chiefs 7 Job Duties and Benefits 13
Endron International 30
A Day in the Life of Endron 30 The Four-Year Plan 38
The Drilling Platform 30 Developing Countries 38
The Pipeline 32 Electric Cars 39
The Power Station 34 Alternative Energy Procurement 39
The Supertankers 35 Partners 40
The Gas Station 36 Employee Retention 41
Now, You Work 42
2
Magadon, Incorporated 44
Our Mission Statement 44 Infectious Diseases 51
You’re One of Sales & Marketing 51
Our Building Blocks 44 Pediatrics 52
Magadon Staff Sanatoria 45 Gerontology 53
Building a Better World 46 Women’s Medicine 53
Research & Regulation 46 Genetics 53
Human Drugs Trials 47 Nutritional Health 54
Animal Testing 49 Psychiatric Therapy 55
Reeducation 50 Magadon Medicine
The Arms of Magadon 50 — Good for You 55
RED Network 56
Welcome to RED 56 The Look 63
Overall Goals of the Network 57 Programming Overview 64
Organization of the Network 58 Battle News 64
The Daily Routine 58 RED Consideration 65
Slow News Days 59 Executive Decision 67
Appearance and Conduct 62 RED Fred and Friends 68
Conduct 62 In Closing 69
Sunburst Computers 70
Our Story 70 Production Methods 76
Strategy 70 Outsourced Tech Support 76
Product Catalog 71 Corporate Culture 77
Sunpad 72 Media and Public Relations 79
Solaris 73 Confidentiality 80
Apps 74 Campus Security 80
Information Analysis Categories 74 Closing 81
Tellus Enterprises 82
Our Games 82 Company Culture 88
Biological Warfare 82 Workplace Environment 88
Eden Online 85 Employee Expectations 89
The Clones/Clones Online 86 Employee Benefit Package 90
Closing 93
3
You hold in your hands the 2016 edi- These may include a briefing on handling
tion of the Pentex Employee Handbook. lycanthropes, and the new-employee in-
Through these next 14 pages, you will formation given to members of various
learn the basic directives, practices, and subsidiaries for staff liaising with those
goals of the Head Office. For further detail, companies. The policy regarding security
consult with your local HR department. of the employee handbook applies to all
They have a number of resources for your these materials.
perusal, both in print and video formats.
Defining Head Office
Use of this Handbook This handbook uses the term “Head
This employee handbook is for use Office” throughout. Personnel should
of Pentex Head Office employees only. remember that this terminology is not
As such, your copy is to remain at your limited in use to our central headquar-
desk at all times. It is not permitted to ters in the USA. Rather, it applies to
take photographs, copies, or other fac- that location as well as various satellite
similes of this handbook at any time. The offices placed all over the globe. This
employee handbook is for your use and includes, but is not limited to, national
reference, and may be read during com- or regional headquarters, First Team
pany hours to familiarize yourself with barracks, training facilities, and all
the company’s policies and procedures. other former, current, or future places
of business labeled directly under the
Some employees’ indoctrination pack- Pentex banner. Many have facilities
ages will include additional materials. equivalent to the main corporate facili-
4
We have a very simple mission statement here at Pentex:
“Making the world ours, by any means necessary.”
We use whatever methods and materials we can to achieve
our goals. Money, natural resources, people, or supernatural
assets — nothing is off the table if it pushes the company
closer to our goals. We maintain a crack team of in-house
legal counsel to help us pursue our goals where lesser
companies may have problems with legality.
The worst offense you can commit as
a Pentex employee is not using the
resources available to you.
5
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
GREETINGS FROM
THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
Welcome to Pentex!
Here at Pentex, you will be judged fairly, but you will also be judged harshly.
I and the rest of the Board firmly believe that Pentex is the best corporation
on the planet. A global contender that outclasses the opposition by leaps and
bounds. We can’t do it without our employees — both here at the home office
— and in our many global subsidiaries. Harsh, but fair, judgment is necessary
to not only keep that edge over our competitors, but widen that gap. We
expect only the best, and those who can keep up with us will get the rewards
due them.
Personal Identification
addition, any special permissions allo-
cated to you are noted on your badge,
During the onboarding process, you such as the ability to carry weapons,
will receive your company ID. It is im- access to specific secure locations, and
perative that you keep that ID on you at any dietary, atmospheric, or metabolic
all times. Failure to do this will result requirements.
in disciplinary action. Exceptions are
These labels are a visual confirmation
made only for the Board of Directors,
of your permissions. While your ID
First Team members (while within
card also permits your access through
training grounds), and those with spe-
electronic security measures, the labels
cial dispensation directly from the Ex-
confirm that access to any security per-
ecutive Director.
sonnel checking your badge. Through
Your company ID holds very import- these redundant measures, we help
ant information. First, your name and ensure that only those who are actually
photo are prominently displayed. In permitted in a given location are there.
6
Welcome to Pentex
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
While working at the Head Office, you may come in some contact with the
Board of Directors. It is advised that you do not engage any of the Directors
or Subdirectors in discussion or small talk, as they are always extraordinarily
busy. If they wish to speak to you, answer any questions quickly and efficiently.
Remember, results are paramount and can lead to lucrative promotions!
Controlling Directors
Executive Director: Benjamin Rushing
Subdivision Chiefs
Subdivision Director, Projects Odyssey (OD) and Aeneid (AE): Kiro
Yamazaki
The main entrance holds portraits of the entire Board, as do the employee
break areas. Familiarize yourself with these pictures. Do not photograph,
sketch, or otherwise depict members of the Board without their express
permission. Any interference with the projects, business dealings, or
deadlines of any member of the Board of Directors is strictly prohibited.
Any employees caught violating these basic expectations will face swift
consequences for their actions, including but not limited to: termination, demotion
to “experiment” status, or mandatory promotion to First Team membership.
7
Getting Around the Facility
All employees also enjoy a 10% dis-
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
count at Herrick’s, which carries many
To protect our proprietary infor- favorite brands, including Avalon, Cir-
mation, goods, and services, Pentex cinus, King’s, Rainbow, Vesuvius, and
Corporate facilities are self-contained, Young and Smith. This location also has
and most of our national and regional its own auto center, where corporate
headquarters have not just the same personnel may get their cars maintained
facilities but the same layout. You may at cost. The auto center uses only the fin-
have noticed during your interview est products from Endron International.
process that the facility is quite large.
Corporate personnel also enjoy a 10%
In addition, you likely noticed both the
discount at O’Tolley’s. This restaurant
chain-link fence and the barrier wall
is conveniently located just inside the
encircling the facilities. This can be in-
facility, and within easy walking dis-
timidating to a new employee.
tance of the office buildings. Employees
The first thing you see when arriving can also put in orders through the com-
at the office is the Gatehouse. In order pany intranet, which will be delivered
to keep the entire facility secure, you directly to your desk or office.
must show your company ID card at
For all of your health-related needs,
the gatehouse. Security is authorized
Autumn Health Management Services
to refuse entry or detain employees for
maintains a collection of offices and
reasonable cause, but this almost never
wellness suites here. These are located
happens.
to the west of the Corporate Office.
Once inside the facility, employees re-
The First Team Training Area is lo-
port to the Corporate Office. Comprised
cated north of the Corporate Office,
of three buildings — Central, East, and
and requires its own level of security
West — all of Pentex’s affairs are han-
to enter. This benefit is labeled on your
dled here. Whichever headquarters site
company ID, as well as embedded in
they’re visiting, the Board of Directors
the card’s chip. As access is restricted to
makes high-level decisions at the top of
First Team members, further explana-
Central; the entirety of Central above the
tion is limited to those associates.
third floor is restricted only to the Board
and other approved personnel. East and
West hold the operations associates who Health Benefits
handle the day-to-day business, including
In order to protect our employees
Human Resources, Legal, and the mainte-
and provide for their well-being and
nance and cleaning staff.
productivity, Pentex provides a host
Directly behind the Corporate Office of health benefits. These benefits are
is the company hotel. These rooms provided through the on-site Autumn
are provided free of charge to Head Health Management Services medical
Office employees, and can be used on campus. All full-time employees, upon
an hourly or nightly basis. Sometimes, hire, are immediately enrolled in the
the company’s business requires long company health plan. They may opt for
hours; as Pentex is deeply committed protection for their immediate family
to its employees, these facilities are members (spouse and children) as well.
available so that during down periods, Employees who have family members
people may catch a nap or a full night’s they wish covered under this policy
sleep. Remember, alert and well-rested need to fill out Form MS-245 from
employees make fewer mistakes, and Human Resources. Dependents on the
have better morale! policy will receive their own medical
8
cards, which get them access to the
medical facility and pharmacy.
10
Weapons Policy
security personnel are exempt from
Welcome to Pentex
these rules. They may carry whatever
Individual sovereignty is of para- weapons their supervisors deem fit; as
mount importance to us. As such, in private military contractors, local law
jurisdictions where it is legal, employ- may not necessarily restrict what First
ees are welcome to carry firearms or Teams use in the execution of their
other small weapons for personal de- duty; if law enforcement attempts to
fense. While on company property, all enforce such restrictions please raise
personnel are expected to use proper the matter with your line manager
discretion and decorum in the use of who will bring it to the attention of our
their weapons. Horseplay is strictly legal team. Explosives are still prohib-
prohibited. ited from any area within the facility
outside of specific training areas and
Permitted Weapons times, as approved by the SEC Direc-
tor. These areas are expressly within
In order to ensure equality and con-
the First Team Training Area, and are
formity to all employees, we must place
heavily policed and controlled so as to
some restrictions based on weapon clas-
minimize unintentional death and/or
sification. While we permit weapons, that
destruction.
does not mean that such items should be
brandished about at will. In that regard, Breaches of the weapons policy may
employees may not carry any long arms result in disciplinary action at your line
(rifles, shotguns, etc.) while on company manager’s discretion.
premises. Likewise, neither explosives
nor explosive devices (to include IED’s Unstable Assets
and “dirty bombs”) are permitted at any
Pentex is dedicated to being the
time. Non-standard weapons (including
world’s leading multi-national con-
balefire weapons) must not be used out-
glomerate. As can be expected, this lev-
side of approved testing facilities without
el of success can come with a sizeable
a permit. Concealable small arms are not
amount of stress. Employees who do
to exceed a .45 ACP caliber.
not avail themselves of the company’s
Hand-held weapons are subject to therapy benefits (see Health Bene-
similar restrictions. Acceptable weap- fits, p. 8) may, on occasion, act out in
ons include knives, ceremonial dag- unpredictable and sometimes violent
gers, batons (expandable or otherwise), manners.
brass knuckles, etc. Anything not easily
Armed employees are encouraged
concealable in an office environment
to defend themselves and their teams
is prohibited. Mystic or supernatural
from such personnel, labeled “Unsta-
weapons less than three feet in length
ble Assets.” If acting without direction
may be carried in corporate facilities
from a member of the security team
where they require close contact with
(see Security Assets, below), em-
their assigned wielder; employees must
ployees may engage as they see fit;
carry a permit for the weapon at all
we encourage a “stand-your-ground”
times and must obtain a sheath or cover
take on self-defense. If a security team
marked with hazard symbols appropri-
member is present, all personnel are
ate to the nature of the weapon.
expected to follow their orders at all
In regards to hand-held weapons times. Failure to do so may result in
and firearms, First Team members and disciplinary action.
11
Weapons Training Transfers and Promotions
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
Pentex Head Office offers a compre- Pentex is dedicated to finding the best
hensive Weapons Safety and Self De- and brightest for its many positions.
fense training curriculum. Classes are Employees who show dedication to the
held on Saturdays, through our security company’s ideals and goals are eligible
team. Employees are expected to pro- for transfer or promotion into positions
vide their own weapons, although am- that allow them to better showcase their
munition is available at the class. Any talents.
costs for the course are easily deducted
from your paycheck. If you wish to en- Any employee with twelve (12)
roll in the course, contact your Human months or more of service is eligible for
Resources manager. transfer or promotion. Open positions
are available via the company intranet
Security Associates to all Head Office staff. Management
prefers to promote from within, but
Pentex employees are expected to will engage in outside recruitment
obey any orders given to them by secu- when that better serves the company’s
rity personnel at all times. Members of purposes.
the security team are easily recognized
by their uniforms, consisting of black
pants, combat boots, and black shirts.
First Teams
The shirt fronts have the “Pentex — A First Team is a highly trained, highly
SEC” badge, and the back is blazoned motivated cadre of soldiers, both human
with the word “SECURITY.” and Endowed. They are used for offensive
12
Welcome to Pentex
and defensive operations as needed. First plicants should expect the process to
Teams are the most elite personnel we pos- take all day. Examination dates are as-
sess, and as such, they receive higher com- signed by the Lead Training Physician.
pensation and more encompassing benefits.
Assuming an applicant passes this
Application for First Team examination, said applicant is then
expected to pass a physical fitness test
To become a First Team member, on the following day. Patterned from
applicants are required to fill out the similar tests used by the U.S. military,
following forms: SM-1337, TPS-5335, an applicant must achieve the follow-
and the First Team Application Battery. ing results: at least 52 push-ups in two
These forms may be obtained from Hu- minutes, 62 sit-ups in two minutes, and
man Resources, who will direct you as must run two miles within fourteen
to which sections you should complete minutes and fifty-four seconds. Exit cri-
— some are for the applicant, while oth- teria are higher, and are assigned by the
ers are for physicians, physical fitness Training Staff based on various metrics.
instructors, and interviewers.
14
erate perfectly. Sometimes, personnel discussion with you. This conversation
Welcome to Pentex
will rub each other the wrong way or may happen in your workspace, or in
have down periods. Anyone can be ill, an available office or meeting room,
cranky, possessed, or otherwise not op- whichever is more comfortable for both
erating at their best. Still, we must pro- parties. The supervisor identifies the
vide a standard of expected behavior. errant behavior, explains why it is dis-
This standard also includes disciplinary allowed, and arranges a process to help
procedures for not achieving that goal, you curtail that activity in the future.
explained in the following sections.
Verbal warnings are not tracked in
Your Human Resources coordinator your file; any given individual may
will be happy to answer any questions have an indefinite number of infrac-
you may have regarding disciplinary tions at this tier.
actions or infractions. They will also
provide you with specific literature to Tier One: Written Warning
address any concerns you may have. At this tier, you will have a formal
Disciplinary Actions meeting with your supervisor. The man-
ager will go over the offending incident,
It is an unfortunate inevitability that and what steps you and your manager
someone at some point will require a dis- will go through to resolve the issue. The
ciplinary action. We here at Pentex oper- manager will produce a written action
ate on a “three strikes” rule, with escalat- plan, which you must agree to.
ing tiers. It is important to note that once
an employee has a particular disciplinary Don’t underestimate this tier. It pro-
action on his record, that action remains vides guidance to limit future disci-
for the duration of employment. Pentex plinary actions. Remember the “three
believes in a “harsh but fair” guideline strikes” rule; at this point, you only have
when dealing with infractions. After a two more strikes to go before termina-
suitable period, an employee may appeal tion. It is imperative to your continued
a given infraction to Human Resources, employment at Pentex to realign your
providing evidence of why the infraction behavior with the corporate mindset.
should be reversed. Appeals may not be
made less than five years after the event. Tier Two: Suspension
Employees who reach this tier find
Occasionally, as in the case of discrim- that we are quite serious about keeping
ination toward Endowed employees, a within the expected modes of behavior.
given employee circumvents the three-ti- Your manager is the sole arbiter of the
er system as a natural result of their ac- suspension length, but typical suspen-
tions. Pentex believes this to be an unfor- sions last anywhere from five to thirty
tunate event, but does not consider such days without pay.
actions to occur with enough frequency
to have any noticeably effect on our train- Further, during your suspension
ing, conduct standards, or profits. time, management must create a more
comprehensive action plan to correct
The tiers are described below in great- your behavior. Remember, this is the
er detail, and include potential means last chance you have to properly align
to accrue them. your conduct to the rest of the company
Tier Zero: Verbal Warning before termination.
15
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
INFRACTIONS
Despite a three-tier Disciplinary Action system, some infractions are weighted
more heavily than others. To help codify what is and isn’t permitted within the
office, Pentex employs an infraction grading system.
Class B Infractions are usually more serious, and may call for a written
warning or suspension at your supervisor’s discretion. Examples include
repeated unauthorized absence, possession of contraband at your workstation,
or insubordination.
Class A Infractions are the most serious offenses, and usually result
in immediate termination. Your supervisor may, if circumstances warrant it,
downgrade the offence to a suspension, with prior approval from Human
Resources.
For a more comprehensive list of offenses and their grade, consult the “DA &
Infractions” link on your intranet dashboard.
16
In Conclusion
Worry not; your immediate family
Welcome to Pentex
will be given the best in severance and
accidental-death coverage, so they will We hope that you find your time at
not be financially ruined as a result of Pentex industrious and profitable, both
your termination. In any event, the im- in terms of personal and professional
portant fact remains that even in termi- growth, as well as economic strength.
nation you can pursue the company’s Only the most dedicated come to us
objectives. and prosper, helping us make our Mis-
sion Statement a reality.
The best time to snatch an By following the rules and guidelines
employee. They’re primed to spill in this handbook, you will be able to
the beans with little effort. Get avoid pitfalls and greatly contribute to
them before Medical does. You the aforementioned profits and growth.
do NOT want to accidentally Welcome to Pentex, and good luck on
bring back SOMETHING ELSE your first day. You very well may need
inside your prize. it.
— Robbie MacPherson
17
The Dangers of
us to take our place at the head of the
food chain. We are the hunters. They
Preconceptions are the prey.
One could be forgiven for assuming For too long, Pentex has been commit-
a lupine pack a simple foe. We mistak- ted to combating the shapeshifting threat
enly believed lupines to be naught but on their terms. We’ve allowed the wolf to
beasts and we humans the true pred- come to us, each time equipping our First
ators. What we didn’t expect was for Teams with better weapons and our facil-
the pernicious wolf to insinuate its way ities with great defenses. Research shows
into our society, attempting to force its this tactic works in localized incidents,
backwards, harmful values upon us. but it’s no way to fight a war. Pentex is
Its ways are insidious. It cloaks itself made for assault. Our reactive stance has
in warm words and fiery proclama- left us as a disadvantage.
tions. All the while the lycanthropes
infect humanity, attempting to turn its We’ve started engaging in two new,
misguided allies back to the Stone Age highly-successful tactics against the lu-
through a primal fear of nature. pines. Initial results are promising indeed.
gaged in legitimate activities, our intent panies. They act as bait to lupine packs,
to make a profit and continue in our goal lightly manned by apparently-incom-
of providing to the world products that petent staff, yet representing a great
best furthered our goals. While prof- victory to the wolf, should the facility
itable in the short-term, such facilities be secured or destroyed.
stood the risk of drawing the attention
of crusading lupines. Endron International, Rainbow In-
corporated, Good House International,
Mr. Dragons-Wrath proposed the es- and King Breweries and Distilleries
tablishment of shell companies staffed by leave fantastic “empty houses” that we
uninformed — yet heavily armed — em- can use as bait, given these companies’
ployees. These companies are backed up proclivity for ravaging a territory and
unknowingly by elite units of First Team swiftly moving on. Rather than aban-
members. We lead the lycanthropes to doning a location completely, a compa-
the shell, they think they’ve claimed a ny such as Rainbow stands to greatly
prize for their ridiculous crusade, and gain by leaving a few industrial ovens
then find themselves unable to escape. and plastic forming machines running
At that point, we eliminate the pack. with a skeleton crew. That acts as catnip
to the beasts.
Bait
Factories, logging stations, and lab-
Trap
oratories all pump out chemicals the The fate of the employees of such fa-
lupines perceive to be Earth-damaging. cilities is ultimately negligible. It’s im-
These facilities bear the names of our portant for the lupines to be led by the
subsidiaries, or wholly fabricated com- honey… and into the spiked hive. Mr.
19
Dragons-Wrath has advised the staff
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
to be armed. Their defenses with live We barely got out of one of
ammunition will provoke the lycan- these “BTKs” alive. Almost
thropes into rage-fueled action. Such lost our Ahroun. It looked like
a private prison experimental
uncontrolled creatures have a tendency
lab, but when we got in, the
for rampaging into apparently guarded
and poisonous locations, assured of their
unstoppable ability to deliver carnage. prisoners were all rubber
dummies. Place was rigged with
Awaiting them within the facility is a
Wakshaani. The moral: don’t just
bust in. Scout thoroughly.
cornucopia of machinery to dismantle,
employees to rend, and locations to mark
as their territory. As they tear through
— Cailean Walks-with-Wind
our property we seal the doors, activate
the emergency protocols that react to the
intruders, await the inevitable howls of ther subsidiaries. Every subsidiary pro-
frustration, and watch what follows on duces its fair share of dangerous waste
top-of-the-line monitoring software. products. No lycanthrope desires a bath
in them, so reuse the run-off as a weapon.
Kill
The First Teams arrive and open the fitted
murder holes in the building’s exterior. The
Seek and Destroy
Teams are armed with the best weaponry It’s no secret the wolf is a superlative
Nastrum Enterprises and Herculean Fire- hunter. For years we’ve waited for the
arms Incorporated can provide. They’re were to attack us as we pursue our
loaded up with silver bullets, phosphorus aims. Times change, and where the
grenades, and chemical throwers. But lupine continues to practice its savage
they’re only the clean-up crew. rites, pursue obsolete beliefs, and growl
at its enemies, Pentex has moved ahead
Have your lycanthropes disrupt a of the base quadruped. Our hunt has
pipeline, detonating the explosives we just begun, and our resources are many.
secrete inside. They — and the local
countryside — will find themselves Now we pursue the wolf. The First
showered with flame and corrosive tox- Teams increase in number with an in-
ic waste. Have them stalk into our test jection of specialized, talented, and con-
laboratories, bypassing security and en- trollable Endowed. Critically, the great
tering sealed areas, only to depressur- successes of Project Lycaon have pro-
ize the contained environment. Have vided us an elite squad of War Wolves,
them bust all the security locks in the Samsa, and Anurana, who now supple-
animal testing facility, only for them to ment our First Teams with some of the
be attacked by the hopelessly mutated, same weapons the lycanthropes have
infectious subjects within. historically applied against us. The oc-
casional Black Spiral Dancer acting as
The purifying effects of fire, acid, toxic officer or tactician has given us an edge
waste, lack of oxygen, and nerve agents on the lupines they just don’t expect.
are bountiful. In select Endron, Magadon
Incorporated, Young & Smith Incorpo- Wolf’s Kin
rated, and Good House locations we’ve
Tracing the family of a wolf is often
already installed these weapons, literally
easier than finding their den. Typically,
fitting an arsenal in the sprinkler system.
we must take a hit first. A survivor or
These defenses will soon extend to fur-
recording that we can use to identify
20
the lycanthrope in human form can The aforementioned lab-grown
21
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
“Argentum Rounds —
Herne would hunt with nothing less.”
Herculean Firearms Incorporated Slogan
One of my fellow Directors claims our pride, and fury. Logic and practicality
tactics lack finesse and subtlety. War typically fall by the wayside when they
needs neither of these things. Annihi- fight. There have been instances where
lation doesn’t demand secrecy. A were their shaman castes attempt to mediate,
would be the first to tell you the apoca- their alphas make efforts to lead in a
lypse is here. For them, they couldn’t be concentrated effort, and their tricksters
more accurate. attempt disruption over destruction.
These types of wolf are more dangerous
Lycanthrope by far, but I’m glad to say their methods
rarely meet success. The anger of these
Vulnerabilities creatures is their dominant feature.
Lycanthropes are more vulnerable to The lycanthrope sees itself as a savior
silver than any other mundane metal, of the planet, and we as the harbinger
but don’t be mistaken into thinking it’s of its end. Their ambition is akin to that
their only frailty. Their warrior caste of any other terrorist or fundamentalist.
is surprisingly impervious to even They’re so wrapped up in their cause
a rapid hail of silver, not to mention they’re incapable of moving outside it,
silver weapons are costly to produce. resulting in an exploitable weakness.
Herculean Firearms have experiment- They’re prone to getting drawn into
ed with diluted silver, reducing costs, heated battles at some of our more
while retaining the ammunition’s po- egregious project sites, for the simple
tency. Their trials have shown that only reason they tick all the boxes of the ly-
weaponry composed of at least 80% canthrope’s holy war. This enables us to
pure silver is effective, and this poses a practice our more important operations
problem. in more discreet locales. An unmanned
oil refinery pumping juice into the local
A silver weapon’s impact on a lupine environment can be laden with traps of
is gory and sizeable, unlike wounds many kinds. Raging lupines can’t help
caused by jacketed lead, which heal but trigger them.
rapidly. The photos within this guide
will reveal some of the harm silver can They see us as the enemies of every-
cause to such a beast. With that said, thing they stand for, and they’re cor-
target-shooting a rampaging lupine rect. They wish to preserve the world.
with silver bullets isn’t an easy feat to We wish to advance it in a particular
pull off. Fortunately, we’ve discovered direction. Only one side can win. There
other ways to neuter the lycanthrope can be no mediation, no give-and-take.
without having to constantly resort to a These monsters come for us at our
single base element. places of work. They come for us in
our homes. They attack whenever they
Feed their Rage choose — day or night. They’re without
Lycanthropes are animals first. The mercy and will tear through your chil-
human side is the weaker. They’re dren to get at you.
dominated by feelings of kinship, The alternative to the B.T.K. method
22
is used when they discover somewhere regular Magadon medication. We offer
23
Assessment them down with rifles and night-vision
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
goggles.
At the back of this guide are exam-
ination questions. You’ll be expected Crossbreed lycanthropes are of par-
to complete the test in no more than 30 ticular interest, as they’re treated as
minutes after this guide’s conclusion, at outcasts by their kind. The Black Spi-
which point you will hand them to your ral Dancers tell us other lycanthropes
superior so we can assess your aptitude. cast out these aberrations if they don’t
kill them outright. This results in our
gaining allies disenfranchised with
Understand your Enemy their blood relations. These creatures
It’s apparent the lycanthrope gene are already base and primal, so it’s not
commences its changes on the human, difficult to turn such a monster against
or wolf body, around the age of sexual its own kin.
maturity. Typically, a trauma, an emo- It’s worth noting crossbreeds can be
tional rush, or a period of great stress is single-mindedly childish. Just as one
enough to trigger the first change into a can be turned on its fellows in outrage,
fully-fledged lycanthrope. it can also strive to please mother to the
Pentex keeps careful tabs on the ly- point of imbecility. Its family may never
canthropes we know of, and their kin. love it, but it’ll howl and thrash until its
Not all of their offspring can change. We dying breath, hoping for a semblance
study behaviors, and those most prone of recognition it’ll never receive. This
to fits of emotional pique are provoked makes them dangerous opponents.
into revealing their true nature, either We’ve identified a number of lin-
as a byproduct of proximity to our eages of lycanthropes. This is more by
practices, or more physical prodding sight and recognizable behaviors than
through employees or their contacts. anything scientific. Some have distinct
Such a change is typically lethal to coloration or behaviors; others display
those doing the prodding, but to those differing levels of aggression.
observing it presents a rare opportuni- Discerning a tribe can be difficult. For
ty. If we follow cautiously and wait for this reason, at Pentex we rarely utilize
the time the newly awakened lupine tribal names, instead codifying shape-
cools down, we can be the comforting shifters by common behaviors.
voice. We can take the outcast beast into
our welcoming arms. By being the “un- Nomadic Tribes
derstanding friend” we gain a test sub-
ject. Monitoring teams exist in all major The nomadic tribes are comprised of
subsidiaries, waiting to turn aggrieved individualistic members. They rarely
young lycanthropes against their el- claim assailable territory. Instead we’re
ders, or rescue them from the streets forced into waiting for them to appear.
before their powers can fully develop.
Our chosen method against these
Our experience has shown hu- tribes, the so-called “Silent Striders,”
man-born lycanthropes are easier to “Stargazers,” and “Bone Gnawers”
track and take off the streets. Wolf- among them, is one of counter-attack.
born lycanthropes are trickier, as they We let them manifest, strike a blow, and
rarely stray from their packs. Frankly, then follow one back to its den. Meeting
it’s easier to eliminate an entire wolf a nomad with full force is satisfying,
population through appropriating the but nowhere near as productive as the
land the animals live on than hunting bounties to which these jackals can lead.
24
The Pentex Guide to Lycanthropes
OTHER SHAPESHIFTERS
Lupines aren’t alone. Our encounters with other shapeshifters are few, but
pertinent. Unlike the lycanthropes they seem to be increasing in number. We’ve
decided that monitoring, capture, and interrogation is our procedure for these
beings. We now seek their kin with us much propensity as we do those of the
lupines.
We’re still tentatively examining these breeds, but have identified birds, big
cats, arachnids, and rats, all of whom can change form. Each exhibits wildly-
differing tendencies and behaviors. From what we can glean, the breeds don’t
see eye-to-eye with one another, least of all with their wolf cousins. We can use
this to our advantage.
The Black Spiral Dancers allude to a time when the wolves made war on
their fellow shapeshifters. We must spark this conflict anew. We’re making
sterling progress through Neuro-Dynamic Laboratories’ construction of in-
house breeds, but more work is required to speed the festering distrust between
breeds. Provoking a pogrom aimed at the most dubiously-aligned creatures is a
priority, making the rats and arachnids into our foremost targets.
When we choose to eliminate the no- Once you’ve identified the places of
mad comes down to a question of its importance to the lupine, you take the
use. If we find the lycanthrope commu- approach of legitimate business. Buy
nicating with others, it’s worth follow- out competitors in the area. Leave the
ing it for a time. Tracking the nomad’s block an empty shell, or move our own
kin is profitable, as our research tells us businesses in so the territory the nomad
these tribes are limited in number. We is forced to maintain and protect is also
wish to reduce their numbers even fur- ours. Ruination comes in many forms.
ther by eliminating those carrying the Make the nomad’s travels as arduous
genetic code necessary for producing and painful as you can. Eventually it’ll
these lines. do something stupid in an act of rage.
That’s what you want.
Nomads often stop to visit family as
they pass through your regions. A week Crusader Tribes
or so after they’ve moved on, call in a
First Team to deal with their now un- Crusader tribes are those who ap-
protected kin. pear in pursuit of some agenda beyond
merely saving the planet and its people
The nomads who move around in from our ambitions. “Black Furies,”
urban areas are arguably more trou- “Uktena,” “Red Talons,” and “Children
blesome. They keep their eye on the of Gaia” often fall within this particular
ball, they know when they’re being bracket.
watched, and they make common cause
with other shapeshifters, such as ravens These tribes are among the easiest for
and rats. In these cases, observe their us to target. They tend to make enemies
movements at length. Urban nomads among their own kind due to their
give the impression their movements constant distractions. They’re likewise
are random, but pay attention; wolves a simple target for humiliation and dis-
can’t help but claim territory. enfranchisement.
25
The Black Furies are, for in-
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
stance, a family of female lupines.
Their zealotry in the pursuit of
feminism makes them neglect
their role in lycanthrope society.
This cultural issue is one we find
interesting to manipulate. We
exploit the Black Furies’ desire to
emancipate women and children
by taking ownership of shelters
for women and children who’ve
suffered harm. We’re extending
Magadon’s already successful out-
reach programs via the “At Home
with O’Tolley’s” sponsorships and
Avalon-supported charities. If we
can poison the well from which
these self-righteous Valkyries
drink, we leave them with only
the indignation of the other tribes.
Once they find the Black Furies as-
sisting subjects of our subsidiaries,
they’ll never give the she-wolves
such responsibility again.
26
Crusaders do a good job of destroying the warrior’s overwhelming pride, we
Perhaps the immigrants were all pos- Silver Fangs strive to resemble the
sessed of Banes and they’re now com- most decadent, incestuous royal lineag-
mitting acts of mass murder. Perhaps es of humanity, ignoring the aberrant
the factory is restocked, refitted, and effects such unions can produce. As a
refilled with employees within a day result, they grow increasingly weak
of the Fianna’s great rout. Perhaps the from within. For many decades we’ve
Endowed was the corrupted kinfolk of had agents helping to erode and subvert
a prominent lycanthrope. the Silver Fangs, but truthfully they’re
liable to self-destruct even without our
As the warrior wanders the wild to aid.
meditate on its arrogant, misguided
presumption, we rear our head, open It’s not hard to convince a Silver Fang
our jaws, and bring our teeth togeth- of enemies in every shadow. If you can
er over the wolf’s neck. By playing to get in close to one of these lupines and
27
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
EXAMINATION
Remember: If you fail this examination, 3. Name the three most profitable subsid-
you’ll be redeployed to a role better matching iaries of Pentex today.
your skillset. Providing you’ve read closely,
viewed the video logs, and are familiar 4. Explain in two paragraphs how you
with the history of Pentex, you’ll pass with would drive one of our many subsidiar-
flying colors. Those who pass the Advanced ies to the heights of the big three.
examination with perfect marks will be
contacted for further specialized duties. 5. Name one shapeshifter breed other
than the lycanthrope.
Basic 6. Explain in two paragraphs how you
1. Herculean Firearms have discovered would combat the aforementioned
that ammunition must contain what breed.
ratio of silver to other substances to
create a damaging weapon against ly- 7. Which tribe of lycanthropes do we call
allies?
canthropes?
2. By what name do lycanthropes refer to 8. Name the lycanthrope of this tribe who
holds the position of Senior Partner at
their species?
Circinus.
3. Name three tribes we consider “no-
madic.” 9. Which tribe of lycanthropes have we
designated as Target: Kill?
4. Within which subsidiary does Pentex
pursue the creation of our own version 10. List the five castes of lycanthrope.
of shapeshifters?
Advanced
5. Name three of our in-house breeds.
1. Name three current Pentex directors.
6. Lycanthropes produced of incest are
referred to by what name? 2. Name three retired Pentex directors.
28
lycanthrope families, the Shadow Lords
29
A Day in the Life of Endron
ber that it’s information exclusive to En-
dron employees — so don’t forget the
Endron International operates in over non-disclosure agreement you signed.
170 sovereign states. That’s over two- If at any time you have any queries,
thirds of our world’s countries. Endron please email Human Resources. They’re
exists on every continent and in every the people to talk to whenever you have
ocean. It’s not a hollow boast to admit a question, because they treat humans
we cover the globe with our industry. like the resources they are.
Our green, black, and gold pipelines
add regal crests to local riverbanks. The Drilling Platform
Our warming power stations light up The core of our industry is the pro-
hillsides on the horizon. Our sleek and curement of oil, both on land and at sea.
elegant tankers tame the wild seas. Our Oil’s not always an easy beast to snare,
drilling wells serve up treasures from but we have the boldest and keen-
the heart of the planet. Our friendly gas est geophysicists, explorers, drillers,
station attendants pump Liquid Emer- roughnecks, and roustabouts working
ald into your car as you embark on your for Endron. They will never let a big
family vacations. Endron is all around catch go without a fight, whether hunt-
you and it’s what keeps you going. ing for oil in the baking heat of Saudi
Arabia, seeing off competition from
The many facets of our immense orga-
our rivals in Texas, or sinking a well in
nization expand well beyond this single
Algeria. These boys — and even some
manual. Instead, it’s got a breakdown
girls — live hard and form bonds that
of our most well-known activities, and
can never be broken. Have you ever
some of our future projects. You’ll learn
heard of an Endron engineer quitting?
about our Four-Year Plan, but remem-
30
If you’re reading this handbook, stop immediately and congratulate yourself.
You’ve just joined the most successful and rewarding energy company
existing today! Pat yourself on the back, take a bow, and crack a smile;
you’ve earned it just for getting through the door.
It’s likely you’ve never worked for a company of Endron’s size and power
before today. You’re right to feel intimidated and awed. Just focus
on those words — size and power. Feel reverential, but feel mighty.
You’re now among the ranks of the monumental.
Your time with Endron will change your life. Whatever role you have,
you’ve got the opportunity to experience and effect change around
the world as a result of Endron’s operations.
These guys work for love of the compa- intended. All these locations are subject
ny, the oil, and each other. to our intrusions, as we give them pur-
pose. We love this world so much we
Endron began life in North America, cannot contain our desire to wrest its
but these days our drilling operations insides into our hands.
are everywhere. Few can deny the ex-
hilaration of the cool sea spray in your Drilling alone brings industry and
face while you operate a powerful piece jobs to hundreds of locations across the
of machinery out on the Gulf of Mexico. globe. We typically employ indigenous
Not many can resist the opportunity of peoples so our operations aren’t seen
exploring the beauty of India’s shores as disturbances to local cultures, with
for mineral deposits. It’s a rare man a management staff comprised of En-
who can withhold the temptation to glish-speaking Endron employees. By
sink a shaft into untamed wilderness, combining the two, we create a synergy
just to see what treasures await him. In of old and new, and help to improve
the drilling industry there’s a sense of people in locations such as Mumbai,
risk and danger, but also one of won- Islamabad, Luanda, and Lagos.
der. You get to witness something few
others ever will, a marvel that drives On occasion we find restless natives
lesser men insane. who buy into propaganda decrying our
industry. Some claim we’re ravaging
Endron geophysicists test the earth, the land; others say we’re poisoning the
give the nod, and stand back as one of sea. This is a common cry of the ill-ed-
our drilling teams plunges a well into ucated. It’s our job to inform. We offer
the ground. It’s as if a key has finally tours around our sites, supervised by
found the ancient lock for which it’s temporary safety inspectors. We send
31
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME WHEN…
Elgin 2010 is how it will go down When offered the cream of the profits,
in history. For a brief time Endron Moray Council was quick to accept
was condemned by hypocritical peer our proposal for the commencement
companies and the public at large of new operations, creating a further
for the Menantol drilling that suffered 300 jobs. Atop that, our scientists
several fatalities off the coast of discovered something extraordinary.
Scotland. A pressure pump exploded Where environmentalists first
while under the supervision of a local- bemoaned the loss of a few seagulls,
hire crew. The result was 13 Scots we presented to them 17 new species,
dead and oil flooding the coastline comprised of fish, cephalopods, and
from Nairn to Lossiemouth. cnidarians, including three previously
thought extinct. The environmentalists
You may ask how we can hold to were struck dumb, and since that time
the ideal that we “Leave our location our team has made several exciting
a better place than when we arrived.” forays into understanding these new
The loss of life was terrible, but you species.
may not have heard what came next.
We at Endron always leave our
In the process of dismantling the rig locations a better place than when we
we discovered something fantastic — arrived. Creating life of any kind is a
two vast oil deposits within miles of our wonder sizeable enough to hush any
original site, both richer than the first. naysayer.
liaisons out to meet the local govern- heart of a giant. We’re unafraid of in-
ments and offer sizeable donations to serting a few tubes to extract the ambro-
civic upkeep as thanks for non-interfer- sia we use to fuel the world. Oil is our
ence. One of the mandates of our drill- nectar; the Earth replenishes it and our
ing operations is “Leave your location scientists have proven it will not run out
a better place than when you arrived,” any time soon. The pungent eco-war-
and by Endron’s exacting standards, riors and ill-informed protestors make
we always do. grandiose claims of how we intend to
drain “Mother Earth” dry, but when
The Pipeline we point out they drive to the pipeline
Black gold flows through our pipe- in their pickups fueled by Endron Sap-
lines like blood pumped out from the phire, they don’t have any answers.
Endron International
power civilization and they
cost a lot to sustain. We
wouldn’t pay for the great ex-
pense of providing pipelines if
we were merely a self-serving
drilling operation. At Endron
International we care for the
billions of people we supply
with our precious energy. If
we didn’t, we wouldn’t. It’s as
simple as that.
33
This is what I’ve been telling Fortunately, we never let a customer’s lights
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
you guys! We can’t just blow
go out or switch off a customer’s heating.
34
Endron International
“When I see an old widow looking after herself as best she can, but not
having the coins to scratch together to live someplace warmer in wintertime and
better suiting a woman of her age, I thank God for Endron. They keep the power
on. They keep her warm. They keep her alive.”
The roaring heat energy we produce smokestack. Films about the ludicrous
boils water, which under high pres- fear of nuclear meltdown highlight our
sure becomes steam. The steam spins productivity, as Endron Nuclear teams
bladed, iron-hard turbines, from which put aside containment suits so they
mechanical energy powers generators. can work faster in what we consider
The electromagnetic field generated to be the safest of Endron Power envi-
is the electrical energy we send out in ronments. Our self-assuredness forces
constant pulses around the world. Un- our stock prices up. The buyers love
doubtedly this is a process fraught with a confident energy supplier. We’re so
danger, which is why we only hire the positive of our nuclear plants and the
best men for supervision of these jobs. skills of our teams that we’ve been able
The rate of burns from hot metal and to redeploy over 100 health and safety
steam, electric shocks, and dismember- inspectors with zero fallout. Endron
ments, have gone down nearly 80% in employees have skills they can apply in
the last ten years. Each area is restricted dozens of arenas, and we won’t ever let
to the employees with the fortitude to go of a good employee.
deal with such machinery.
The Supertankers
Such operations require experts in
the fields of engineering, chemistry, Majestic in movement, titanic in size;
and physics. These Endron PowerMen our supertanker fleet is the largest in the
are so vigilant over their fields they’re world and controls every sea in which
practically plugged into the machinery. it courses. If you’re a smaller ship and
A PowerMan would rather die than let you’re in the way of one of our super-
a turbine stop spinning. Fortuna mag- tankers, you’d better move fast!
azine described our PowerMen as “fa- Endron Super is the team who tame
natical about energy,” and we take it as the oceans on board our great vessels.
the highest of compliments. Supers spend arduous months at sea,
We’re not only an oil company. We’re but get a rare chance of mastering go-
an energy company willing and able to liaths containing enough oil to power
take any resource from the world and a country. The life of an Endron Super
put it to good use. Endron Power gas, is hard, yet immensely rewarding. It’s
coal, and nuclear plants increase in freeing to be aboard one of our massive
number even as other energy compa- vessels. They’re an explorer’s haven,
nies leave these markets. Their weak- with hundreds of holds and cubby
ness in the face of public panic is our holes, and no lack of work to be done.
strength; we thrive in the face of mob Just don’t get lost in the corridors, or
pressures. Articles reporting on the you may never be found!
unfounded claims of particulate debris Supers get to see exotic parts of the
and greenhouse gases produced by coal world, handling the most valuable re-
plants are extra publicity for every new source in locales from the Persian Gulf
35
to the Sea of Japan. Our supertankers are catastrophes; the Supers mitigate our
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
fitted with multiple smaller vessels so losses when one strikes. More oil reach-
shore leave is always a possibility. The es us than is leaked, and no great En-
old saying among the Supers is “what dron-caused slicks cover the ocean. A
happens on Super shore leave stays on thin trail of oil across the Mediterranean
Super shore leave.” Imagine the free- is hardly analogous to UK Petroleum’s
dom of being able to dock at a foreign Gulf of Mexico disaster.
shore where nobody knows your name,
where you’ve been, or where you’re go- The transport of fossil fuels via tank-
ing. Some Supers joke that they can get er is less efficient than using pipelines,
away with murder when ashore. but costs less and carries more prestige.
If you’re on a coastline and see one of
At Endron we believe in reverence our tankers on the horizon, you can rest
and repair. Our oldest supertanker was assured that each person in the area
built in 1976, and we have absolutely knows Endron is here and an excess of
no intention of scrapping her. Strength oil will soon hit the land.
of Endron may be lacquered with a
charming beard of iron oxide, may The Gas Station
squeal happily as she bears the strain We’re proud to provide the most
of 400,000 deadweight tonnage (DWT), popular service stations in the USA,
and may even leave beautiful multi-col- India, and Australia. Our station hires,
ored swirls in her wake; but this kind known as Your Friendly Endron Men
of character is what we want. Strength will pump your gas, check your tires,
of Endron is a recognizable sign of our and “Knock the Knocks Right Out of
achievements. No other energy giant Your Car.” 83% of our attendants are
has kept a fleet as old as ours running trained in basic automobile mechanics,
for half as long. It’s a testament to the and our Liquid Emerald gasoline is
abilities of our shipyard crews and known to help cars run more efficiently
those on board. We respect our fleet, and drown out the noise of sticking and
and treat it with the esteem it deserves. grinding parts.
When incidents occur, such as the Star The Endron Men are all given a
of Endron mishap in 1996, we will always book of customer service tips. We
be the first on the scene to rescue en- don’t believe adults need to be told
dangered crew and save the ship before what’s right and wrong; we hire the
it sinks beneath the waves. Only once friendliest-looking faces and most
have we been unable to save a vessel — capable pairs of hands we can find.
the Bravery of Endron — which capsized No training courses for these guys —
in 2014. Only a minor oil spill resulted they’re in charge of the pumps from
from the sinking of our three-decade- day one — facing the roaring traffic.
old ship. We now have Supers diving to It’s a system that separates the men
the depths of the Atlantic in an effort to from the boys, and the Endron Men
identify what sank our vessel, examin- at our stations can wax your hood, fry
ing the hull for possibilities of further oil an egg on your engine, give advice
spillage. That oil belongs to us, and not on your car’s roadworthiness, make
the seabed, so we intend to reclaim it. your kids a slushy, and compliment
The volume of crude oil spilled by your wife’s dress — all in the time it
Endron is actually less than that of our takes for them to fill up your car. It’s
competitors. * We’ve had few major no wonder we’re as popular as we are.
* Crude oil spilled at sea and not later recovered is not measured when taken as an overall
36 volume of total oil spilled per annum.
Endron International
With added popularity comes add- sent Endron Men to meet with the al-
ed risk. Our stations were nationally leged injured parties and not one has
declared as unsafe locations by several since taken us to court. None of our
disreputable media sources due to a men have been involved in such rumor
minor increase in alleged assaults and mongering, or indeed witnessed the
robberies. We’ve confirmed such re- purported crimes. We have however
ports as unsubstantiated smears by our increased recruitment in such areas to
competitors, and none of the apparent provide better monitoring and safety
“victims” have gone on to press charges for both staff and customers. We care
after their five minutes of fame. We’ve about those who purchase our gasoline.
be
We know Chase is behind at least twenty of these attacks! He needs to
s drawing
taught that he can’t just practice his hobby on company property. It’ them
pick
attention we do. Not. Need. If he wants to cut up drifters, he needs to he
tex! If
up and drop them elsewhere — ideally not somewhere linked to Pen
doesn’t start cleaning up his own messes I will be forced to take action.
K. Mollett
37
Liquid Emerald is the newest in our • Transfer our electric car industry to
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
line of high-end gasolines. Cars run for North America.
up to twice as long on Emerald than on
any of our rivals’ products. The way we • Commence hydraulic fracturing
refine Emerald is one of our best-kept and multilateral well operations
secrets, but one thing’s for sure; it’s globally.
getting to be as popular as our Ruby, • Pursue the purchase of partner
Sapphire and Diamond lines. Each is companies.
best-suited to a different member of the
automobile family, with Ruby giving • Improve employee retention.
extra rev to your bike and Diamond is
known to actually decrease the time it These projects all require sizeable
takes for a truck to go from 0 - 60mph. resource and commitment from the
Some argue that trucks — especially Head Office, who have given the go-
our own oil truck fleet — shouldn’t be ahead on each objective providing
travelling that fast, but hell; when the they can be met in the next four years.
freeway stretches ahead of you, you’re Through these aims our ambition is to
going to tear up some asphalt! If you’re truly diversify and become a house-
finding yourself in a recreation of Duel, hold name not just in the USA, but in
it’s likely an Endron Truck coming up every civilized country. The time lim-
behind you, fuelled by unstoppable it is short, but it’s the one They have
Liquid Diamond! set. The world will be a very different
place in four years.
The fuel we dispense from our sta-
tions improves driving performance to Developing Countries
such a degree that some automobiles
Endron is a friend to the pover-
really struggle when going back to infe-
ty-stricken, uneducated masses of the
rior product. The next time you hear of a
Third World. They need help, and
dead tourist family who broke down in
we’ve always been keen to lend a
the middle of the Nevada Desert, you’ll
friendly hand.
be saying, “they should have stuck with
Endron!” Through the expertise of our invest-
ments and banking gurus at Endron
The Four-Year Plan Finance we’ve created fantastic and
manageable loan agreements, already
Endron has found great success in taken out in Argentina and Nigeria’s
the last century. We don’t intend to private sectors. The rate of interest is
cease these operations, nor do we wish high where non-repayment is a possi-
to become complacent in our accom- bility, but Endron Finance has solved
plishments. Embracing the hydraulic the problem of future debt. Through
fracturing market last year was a pro- provision of local labor and their desire
gressive step, as was the manufacture for heating, fuel, electricity, and other
of the Falcon Pathfinder, but Endron oil-based products, we’re provided
will never rest on its laurels. with an able-bodied taskforce of natives
in exchange for our services. These de-
In the last decade, the Head Office has
voted indigents are so in need of what
worked on new areas for Endron to fo-
we provide we can’t help but give it to
cus on. These are our objectives for the
them, in exchange for their presence in
next four years:
our plants. This innovation — among
• Dominate the energy industry in others — is setting up Endron as a force
developing countries. of charity as well as profit.
38
Our activities in the developing world We can’t allow this kind of uncon-
Endron International
are just beginning. Our next objective trolled pollution in Russia just so we can
is one of fostering trust between gov- build an eco-friendly car. Hence, we’re
ernmental and corporate entities. Our in the process of constructing three lith-
goal is to have state support in at least ium smelts and manufactures — all on
a dozen nations, where we will provide major rivers in North America so our
the majority of energy and thus set the cargo can easily reach them. We save
prices paid by the nationals at a level money and the Russian countryside,
agreeable to all parties. building cars here and creating hun-
dreds of American jobs, just by housing
It’s an exciting objective, and to facil- all of this in our own home nation!
itate it we’ve hired an impressive array
of liaisons. Their abilities to speak in Alternative Energy
other tongues have already won over Procurement
functionaries in a swathe of countries.
Hydraulic fracturing is a wildly suc-
Electric Cars cessful method of petroleum and gas
procurement utilized extensively in our
A decade ago you would’ve been country, but one that’s taken years to be
laughed out of an Endron boardroom accepted elsewhere. You may have read
if you seriously proposed our building how the United Kingdom recently re-
an electric car. Their inefficiency aside, pealed their antiquated laws forbidding
we were assured such transport would fracturing. What you may not know is
undercut the sale of gasoline. how integral we were in getting that
Times change. Endron has grown, and ruling overturned: our scientists acted
where demand for the electric car exists, as government consultants on the issue.
we produce. The Falcon Pathfinder was Fracturing worldwide is a stirring ef-
the first model in an upcoming range of fort. Picture it; molten chemicals being
thrilling four-wheeled dynamos. Due to fired into the Earth with enough force
its success, we’ve already begun work to burst free its most hidden reserves.
on our Falcon Pioneer, so named after They spill to the surface like treasures
our brave forefathers who blazed a trail from the deep. The Earth vibrates be-
from the East coast to the West. Accom- low us, enjoying the sensation. We mas-
panying the car are charging points in sage its insides and extract what’s good,
Endron stations from New York City returning the bad. The feeling Endron
to Seattle, all of which are powered by employees describe during the fractur-
Endron-supplied electricity. ing process is a simple one: Pride.
One exhilarating part of this objective The earth quakes as a result of hy-
is the movement of this industry to draulic fracturing enterprises, and our
the USA. While our Falcon Pathfinder exploratory teams are the first on the
was constructed in North America, its ground to find the convulsion fractures.
parts were compiled from manufac- We can find more oil where there’s
turers in Russia and China. The cost of a gap, and they’re always ready to
transporting these elements and having compensate locals for a little property
third-parties produce them was stag- damage when they find territory ripe
gering. Additionally, the Russians cre- for development. Fracturing creates a
ated quite the slick of run-off lithium in cyclical method of energy procurement.
the construction of the batteries, killing We fracture, and in so doing, create
wildlife for miles around. more fractures.
39
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
Endron International
Bobwhites in Virginia was exposed
as a result of Easton action, silencing
even the most vocal supporters of such
energy production. Property values
decreased during the farm’s existence,
and a provable increase in domestic
violence in the last decade is linked to
the maddening distraction of rotating
machinery. Easton had the wind farm
dismantled. We’ve subsequently begun
construction of a coal plant in its place.
41
Harold & Harold’s strip mining operations apparently
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
dug a little too deeply into La Rinconada. The publicity
fiasco surrounding the 42 missing workers, not to mention
the unaccounted-for Quechua locals, was hardly ideal, but
Baptiste’s team has done a good job containing the worst
reports.
Endron’s team tasked with locating the bodies discovered
something of greater importance than missing miners,
however. They found only the word “Vhujunka” smeared in
dibutyl phthalate down a shaft far deeper than the miners
were purported to be. No corpses though.
We have records of these Vhujunka on file. It’s imperative
we find them. We will be reopening the mine, but with First
Team involvement. I also suggest utilizing Dragons-Wrath’s
and Francesco’s Spiral Dancer contacts. A secondary concern is
the whereabouts of Messrs. Harold and Harold. Zettler claims
they’ve disappeared. They must be located and brought to the
Head Office.
Adrian Newberry
like to say. To be reading this handbook now reviewed. Those possessing valu-
you must have passed our tests, and able skills are redeployed to new areas.
that’s no small accomplishment. Those without are re-trained, with their
becoming possessed of inestimable
Any employee in a position of au- traits once a month of conditioning con-
thority will be peer-reviewed every cludes. The end result is a contingent of
year to confirm continual qualification cross-trained, multi-skilled staff; hun-
for their role. Such reviews are carried gry for their next positions. No other
with results published on a curve, the company treats its employees with such
top 10% becoming eligible for bonuses. value. By the end of our Four-Year Plan
This review system has promoted great you will literally not be able to get fired
competition, which we love at Endron. from Endron. We believe everyone has
Whether selling, drilling, or exploring, a use, and we have ways of coaxing out
we have the hardest workers willing an employee’s true value.
to do just about anything to get one-up
on each other. The atmosphere at the
Endron Head Office is as dynamic and Now, You Work
crackling with tension as you’d imagine! So now you know us and what we aim
Historically the bottom 10% every to do. You’ll likely find yourself moving
year would be forced to lose their jobs, between Endron Super, Endron Oil, En-
but we have since re-evaluated the util- dron Power, and all other branches in
ity of this scheme. The bottom 10% are your long time at this company. You’ll
42
report to dozens of managers, work any of the top-tier at Endron. But then
Endron International
with thousands of colleagues, travel to again, if They will it, maybe you’ll be
hundreds of locations, and be the most invited to the next board meeting.
productive you’ve ever been.
Work hard. Serve Endron. Wherev-
Due to our cellular structure, you er you’re deployed — make sure you
may never meet Max Carson or indeed leave Endron’s mark.
em in this guide.
I’ve now found two references to Th or whether someone
s guide
Investigate whether They wrote thi
g all the way to the asshole
knows too much. I’m not travellin
some fucking secretary’s
of the “Head Office” to apologize for
idea of humor.
Adrian Newberry
43
Our Mission Statement
on us, we’ll continue to operate in the same
successful way that’s seen us remain at the
The core of our mission hasn’t altered front of the pharmaceutical race. We only
since our founder, Brigadier General listen to global health care decisions that our
Bryan Vandegrift, set it down in 1946. scientists have researched and shown to be
true. Working with everyone from patients,
Excellent health is fundamental to a use- to health providers, and governments, our
ful, productive life. It’s no longer an option goal is to ensure that anyone who looks to
to wait for sustainable solutions to the most Magadon has access to innovative treatment
pressing healthcare challenges of our world. at a quality only we can provide.
As such, Magadon remains dedicated to
applying cutting-edge science to improve You’re One of
wellbeing throughout every stage of life’s Our Building Blocks
great journey. We strive to provide access to
Each division, every employee, and
trialed, affordable medicines and health care
all products we manufacture are the
services to people from all walks of life.
building blocks constructing a stronger,
We provide leading products supporting longer-lived humanity. You are one
wellness and prevention, treatments for in- of those blocks. You form part of the
fections across a diverse spectrum, and an whole, and at Magadon, we give such
industry-leading conduit of exciting new keystones all the credit they deserve.
products designed to defeat some of the
For the past two decades, Magadon has
most terrifying diseases of our time.
appeared in the top five of the annual 100
So we can continue to deliver to the pa- Best Employers poll run by the presti-
tients, customers, and investors who rely gious Money Mountain Magazine (pub-
44
We build things at Magadon. We build better drugs.
We build better drugs trials. We build better care, palliative a
nd otherwise. We build better technology.
We build better education, for doctors and our workers.
We build better marketing. We build better employees,
and thus, a better company.
We build a better you. That’s been our company slogan since before
I became CEO in 1996 and not once have I had cause to doubt it.
lished by Vesuvius, Inc.) We take our em- Medical conditions provably incurred
ployees seriously, provide self-affirming as a result of your work for Magadon
goals, gift opportunities to the hardest are covered completely by the compa-
workers, and never fail to generate bo- ny. Obviously we hope you’ll never
nuses each year. We believe in investing claim for such an event. Last year we
in people and fostering loyalty. If you’re had zero claims related to work-related
loyal to the company, your rewards aren’t illness, which we believe is proof of our
just limited to sizeable salaries for our sci- sterile working conditions.
ence teams or luxurious commissions for
our sales and marketing gurus. After you’ve been with us for four years,
coverage is extended to your immediate
After working for two years with- family. As a conscientious employer, we
out any sickness-related absence, and recommend you hold off on having off-
logging all claims via your assigned spring for that duration — infant infection
Magadon medical supervisor, you’ll re- rate is high and the cost for treating them
ceive free dental and all of these benefits: can be immense when not covered by the
company. This advice is admittedly can-
• A 40% reduction in costs for did, but we want you to build your family
Magadon medical products in the safest possible environment. Your
• A 30% reduction in costs for science family is our family and the Magadon
degrees at any recognized university tribe all live under the same roof.
46
WARNING: Magaversidin can have serious side effects not limited to hypertension, internal hemorrhaging, abdominal
pain, onset of dissociative personality disorder, aggressive behavior, and anaphylaxis in the presence of canines.
negative results when
Magadon, Incorporated
we could be working
on building drugs is
a waste of time, and
there is no regulatory
requirement to do so.
More often we release
negative results to our
competitors and re-
view their own trials.
If their trials show a
positive outcome, we
leave our results un-
published. This speeds
the process of approv-
al by the FDA. We then
produce our drugs,
either unchanged (as
our negative results
were clearly in error),
or with alterations so
they’re better than
those of our compet-
itors. As long as the
core molecular design
of the drug is the same,
these treatments can be
released without need
for further approval.
Human
Drugs Trials
Drugs trials have
long been called
into question. Law-
suits have been filed
against us on multi-
ple occasions by test
subjects who consider
themselves some-
how wronged by the
side-effects of drugs.
Indeed, some have
attempted to sue due
to the ineffectiveness
of placebos given to
them, when we’ve
been sure of the ac-
tual drugs’ positive
results. Such are the
47
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
Dr. Zettler,
ls
Reboxetine has to its name scores of tria
An available antidepressant called r in ove r
h un ifor mly posi tiv e resu lts. Mil lions of doses are prescribed every yea
wit o
points to a splendid appearance of zer
a hundred countries. The evidence all
side-effects.
hundreds of test subjects were carried
Seven Reboxetine trials comprising ously,
g to those of a placebo. Rather hilari
out comparing the effects of the dru ar pill ! Of
oxetine was no better than a sug
results of six of the trials showed Reb
ed, so all these poor fellows are paying
course, these trials were left unpublish oxetine
tely nothing. Not only this, but Reb
for and taking drugs that do absolu t
n its competitors on the anti-depressan
is known to cause more side-effects tha
market!
le that we can hide whatever
It’s evident from Reboxetine’s examp
ati ve resu lts we lik e. I reco mm end pumping some slow-acting Biological
neg s in
ent Systems into our trial candidate
Augmentation & Neural Enhancem e does
ure , as clea rly nob ody wil l go look ing for our trial failures. If someon
fut e of
s’ anonymity clauses should take car
smell something fishy, our candidate
any problems.
Sir Frederick
risks of running drug trials — some We can’t work from laboratory re-
people are just ungrateful for our dil- search alone, so unfortunately, drug
igence. trials are always required. Figures must
back up the treatment proposition. Bad
We’ve carried out innumerable trials effects, from time to time, are unavoid-
in the last 60 years. Some are resounding able. As an employee, you’ll undoubt-
successes; they see publication and reach edly bear witness to the public backlash
the offices of doctors around the world. when things go wrong, when patients’
When we successfully tested the Alz- health worsens, even when trial sub-
heimer’s drug Magaversidin and it was jects die. You’ll be expected to weather
approved by the FDA, we sent leaflets the attitude towards us, and you, and
to medical practitioners nationwide and stand strong for the company. You
could scarcely keep up with subsequent know what we’re doing is right. People
demand. Other drug trials go less well. die in our trials, so others may live. As
Our testing of the experimental menin- long as they’ve signed a legal waiver
gitis drug, Magafloxacin, resulted in the allowing the tests, your conscience can
child test subjects suffering increased be as free as ours.
hepatotoxicity. Additionally, the scien-
tist responsible for the tests is accused Recent months have seen a boom
of not having obtained parental permis- in unpaid test subjects. Through an
sion before administering the drug. His agreement with the US Citizenship and
actions are still under investigation. Immigration Services (USCIS), we’ve
WARNING: Magafloxacin can have serious side effects not limited to hepatotoxicity, fatigue, jaundice, zonal
48 necrosis, weight loss, vomiting blood, black, tarry stools, polycythemia, diarrhea, and anaphylaxis in the
presence of canines.
begun tests on immigrants attempting what we’d discover by simply testing
Magadon, Incorporated
to enter the USA. Immigrants are given regular subjects in the course of ten. We
scores by the USCIS based on their pro- already possess a license to do this in
fession, education, language, country offshore internment facilities, but to do
of origin, and intent of visit. For many so within national borders would save
immigrants, these scores are quite low. money and provide a greater pool of
Participating in drugs trials as volun- candidates.
teers, thereby aiding our mission — and
that of the US healthcare system — in- Of course, our drug trials for reg-
creases their points across all sections. ular candidates continue in earnest.
Magadon-sponsored trials are known
We’ve just fewer than 150 Immigrant for their exacting selection of patient
Drug Trial Centers (IDTCs) in the US, groups. We only put our drugs in trials
the majority present in Texas, Louisi- run by Magadon doctors, leaving other
ana, and Florida. Our IDTCs are com- pharmaceutical companies to deal with
plexes in which many of our scientists independent parties possessing their
ardently seek out positions, due to the own agendas. Candidates trust the
liberties doctors there are permitted. impartiality that governs our trials —
We believe in the purity of science free they’re exposed to degrees of comfort
from regulation, and here we’ve been matching any spa and receive payment
permitted such by the US government. in the form of Young & Smith food and
At this time, the IDTCs aren’t to the health coupons, at a value higher than
plush standards of modern hospitals, our competitors’ payments. Young &
but they afford the members of the tri- Smith provide among the finest house-
als a place to eat and sleep when they’re hold products, resulting in a happy
not participating in our trials. We afford union between our two companies.
our science teams our absolute confi-
dence. Our in-house trials show a higher
trial-to-production rate than any other
The thought in your mind right now is pharmaceutical company. This degree
one of excitement. We’ve a ready supply of success sets Magadon at the head of
of motivated volunteers and laboratories the pack.
in which to test any range of drugs and
surgical procedures. We’re finding uses Animal Testing
for the thousands of immigrants who Recently there’s been increased fo-
pass our borders, and if they still don’t cus by the media and certain liberal
pass the USCIS test, we can send them groups on the efficacy of animal testing.
back to their home country a fitter and Whether testing a new strain of malaria
healthier specimen of humanity. or a vaccine for that disease on a rhesus
Our next ambition is to commence monkey, or subjecting a rat to one of
trials on prisoners held in private jails. our new ranges of cosmetic face creams,
The approval of our application to do such ignorant groups would place the
so would set us apart from any oth- life of an animal more highly than that
er pharmaceutical corporation, and of the humans we’re trying to save.
would gift us a wealth of freedom in There’s a myth that Magadon employ-
the space of psychiatric care. What we ees sadistically enjoy the process of ani-
could discover by vigorously testing mal testing. This is not the case; we love
the maladjusted members of society in animals and James Graystone even has
the course of a year could be more than a pet Siberian Husky called Margrave.
WARNING: Magafinil can have serious side effects not limited to paranoia, addiction, aggressive behavior, and
anaphylaxis in the presence of canines.
49
We do however understand the need taught is approved by the Board and
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
to test the worst diseases and infections run with their guidance. You too, will
on animals before we can begin testing be instructed the Magadon way.
potential vaccines on humans; it’s an
unpleasant necessity of our work. Our Education aside, the courses provide
cosmetics wouldn’t be nearly as pop- fine opportunities for staff in a variety
ular with the ladies if their PH levels of roles to meet up, discuss the com-
weren’t tested on our furry friends first. pany, and be reappraised on Magadon
objectives. It’s not unknown for James
We keep our test subjects in caged Graystone himself to attend or even
kingdoms. They’re never lonely, as run some of the classes, with delegates
there’s another breed just like them benefiting immensely from the CEO’s
in the cage next door. They’re well- wisdom. If you want to get noticed in
trained, as they fall completely silent your sector, reeducation courses are a
whenever one of our scientists enters fine place in which to shine.
the lab. They obey, because the animal’s
role is to serve humanity. As delegates, you’ll be shown our
laboratories, introduced to some of
Reeducation our keenest minds, and even be given
a complimentary pack of Magafinil to
It’s a terrible truth in our industry that keep you both sharp and alert — almost
medical experts can become qualified everyone would benefit from reeduca-
and subsequently never be required by tion — Magadon style.
law to reeducate themselves in up-to-
date practices or treatments. Imagine
a doctor, trained 40 years ago and still The Arms of Magadon
practicing. Many supervisors in hospi- Our stock may be listed, we may
tals working for pharmaceutical com- sponsor major sporting events, and our
panies fit this description. brands may be in the print on pill pack-
At Magadon we’ve taken a stand ets; but we’re not a household name for
against such ignorance in the medical the common man. Those who see the
profession. Every one of our permanent word Magadon don’t know our com-
staff in a “medically sensitive” role pany is responsible for their ongoing
is strongly encouraged to attend six health. This is going to change.
monthly courses relating to changes in You’ve undoubtedly seen increased
medical practice and public need, the advertising of our services, and in-
first of which commences when you creased promotion of our products. Our
start with Magadon. This keeps the consultants now appear on the RED
minds of our employees healthy, and Network, facilities are being opened in
our customers likewise. our honor, and our ads are on billboards
Courses comprise of our lead scien- along the highway. We still want more.
tists discussing the threats to health to- For a long time, we’ve hidden behind
day, and the treatments we’re creating our brands and subsidiaries, but now
capable of combating them. Each divi- that GlaxoSmithKline and other compet-
sion of Magadon is represented at these itors are proudly embracing their prom-
courses, with even stuffy old Technolo- inence, we’ve decided to follow suit.
gy & Applications delegates learning a Now is a new era for Magadon, and for
thing or two about Women’s Medicine you as an employee. We intend to make
and Sales & Marketing. Everything
WARNING: Magarix can have serious side effects not limited to onset of depression, onset of schizoid behavior,
Magadon, Incorporated
No link wa s fou nd
r, they may have found links
vaccine fools had dug a little deepe
onset of schizoid personality
between Ma garix and depre ssion,
our incorporeal friends?
disorders and, oh, I don’t know...
rewolf packs, the pups
If the se groups are sponsored by we
need to find better allies.
Zettler
our presence known through each one of cides to employ them. When it happens,
our multiple, talented arms. Each has an and it will, we have the finest division of
objective for this coming year, so here’s scientists on hand already devising ways
a few to whet your appetite. to annihilate the enemies of good health.
WARNING: Magaxane can have serious side effects not limited to fatigue, anemia, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, dizziness,
headaches, insomnia, nerve problems, injection site reactions, weight loss, hallucinations, sterility, fat redistribution,
cholesterol increase, decease in bone density, buildup of lactic acidosis, and anaphylaxis in the presence of canines. 51
Pediatrics • Magadon places ads in all the most
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
popular video games and television
We strongly believe in the promise of shows aimed at children. If a child
a healthy childhood. One of the greatest sees their hero picking up a first-aid kit
harms the homeopathic and anti-vacci- marked with our logo, or realizes their
nation movements cause is a widespread favorite superhero gets therapeutic
mistrust in companies such as Magadon. advice from a Magadon psychiatrist,
The misinformation these groups spread then we immediately become more
causes fear. Our customers face this pro- accessible and trustworthy.
paganda every day. The time when a
substantial percentage of children won’t Now, our aim is to get into the class-
be vaccinated against measles, polio, or rooms and teach the children. Trialing
smallpox is now, and the danger is real. across ten cities we’ve created Merry
Maxie Magadon, our pharmaceutical
A parent who doesn’t demand advice clown who visits classrooms for
Magadon treatments for their children children between the ages of five and
is, through neglect, abusing their child. nine. He ridicules the idea that kids
We’re unafraid to call them out on this, shouldn’t get vaccinated because of
with our pediatric drugs now being herd immunity, makes it clear deciding
priced reasonably enough that an in- not to see a doctor is decidedly “un-
ner-city family could afford a round of cool,” and even distributes free Magak-
medication. inerlin lollipops. The children will grow
up seeing medication as acceptable, and
Pediatrics now voices the message even desirable. We’ll build a better gen-
that listening to anyone other than us eration for tomorrow.
is dangerous. Whichever role you’re in
at Magadon — your aim is to get these Reports of Maxie’s appearances and
children onto our products. It’ll save Magakinerlin lollipops filling former-
their lives; they’ll be grateful; you’ll ly listless kids with enough energy to
have done something heroic. keep them doing homework all night is
proof of our stellar effort. Some parents
Similar to the anti-vaccination move- complain their children won’t sleep,
ment, there are adults who foolishly but when surveyed, those same parents
believe children will grow out of psy- say they’d rather their children were
chological imbalances without the aid lively and aggressively confident than
of counseling and medication. Realiz- indolent or hanging from the doorknob
ing this, we’re treating child behavior by a home-made noose. We’re doing
with the seriousness it deserves and everything we can to combat the surge
taking the sting out of medicine, mak-
ing it more accessible for the youth of
Has anyone shown this to Loba
today, and less intimidating for their
guardians.
yet? I think she’d have new
• Magadon now offers counseling antics to teach this clown.
sessions for children with no prov- Really, her underground
Heaven op needs to find a way
en instances of maladjustment.
52
WARNING: Magaxetine can have serious side effects not limited to arrhythmia, hypotension, Raynaud’s phenomenon, onset of
depression, narcolepsy, erectile dysfunction, acne, tics, and anaphylaxis in the presence of canines.
ics are marketing gold. Think
Women’s Medicine’s adoption clin
Magadon, Incorporated
the cast-off children nobody
of what we could do with all s.
. Yes , aspirin g par ent s wil l snatch up the pretty, polite one
wants
They’re First Team cadets.
The ugly, dysfunctional ones?
le) staff of gynecologists
We have our (almost entirely ma
uses alive. They’ve been
keeping supposedly-aborted fet k
which to grow Banes. Get bac
wonderfully malleable vessels in
on wh eth er you thi nk a pac k of werewolves would stop to
to me hin
order to get at the spirits wit
think they’re killing babies in
them.
A.B.
of child depression and attention defi- fuelled by the pinnacles of medicine. Ger-
ciencies, suppressing upcoming threats ontology patients are tested for the effects
before they even arise. of dementia every five years, and those who
pass are then given the opportunity to enroll
Gerontology for drug trials. We don’t consider anyone
At Magadon we revere our elders. too old to stop contributing to the building
The elderly deserve the best treatments, of a better world.
which is why we recently made an in-
vestment in purchasing Autumn Health
Women’s Medicine
Management Systems to increase our Women’s Medicine recently pushed
array of nursing homes. for, and won, the war for 29th week term
abortions in Europe. The triumph in this
Our homes are controlled environ- hard-fought legal battle finally came when
ments. Visitors must be on a pre-ap- Women’s Medicine showed that from 998
proved list; residents are only allowed abortions carried out at our facilities in the
out under supervision. We would not 29th week, less than 20% suffered compli-
wish for anything to happen to them cations. As private operators conscious of
away from our watch. No complaints public opinion, this service is only openly
from our residents have reached the advertised in facilities where popular opinion
press, speaking for the happiness of all would not be a danger to our staff or patients.
within our Magadon Retirement Com-
munities. Reports of our forcing women into giv-
ing birth in the streets outside our spon-
Dementia is a blight on humanity. No- sored hospitals are obviously completely
body wants to die in an imbecilic state. This unfounded, but as a reaction, Women’s
is why Magadon uses elderly patients’ care Medicine is now branching into Magadon
fees — with consent — on the annuitized adoption clinics. We boldly aim to take
prescription of neuroleptics. Magalorazine unwanted babies from the arms of mothers
has been exempt from the recent interna- unable or unwilling to bear the burden.
tional scandal linking similar drugs to the
premature deaths of thousands of patients Genetics
every year.
Of late we’ve been looking into the
The remaining years a patient has can be localization of aberrant genes liable to
WARNING: Magakinerlin can have serious side effects not limited to arrhythmia, hypertension, prolonged erections, stomach
53
pain, insomnia, loss of appetite, nausea, weight loss, excessive grinding of teeth, hallucinations, hyperactivity, loss of bladder
control, aggressive behavior, heart attacks, and anaphylaxis in the presence of canines.
develop mental or physical mutations We can be satisfied that we’re building
at certain ages. Genetics have published better humans through one little injec-
a number of highly-regarded papers tion.
demonstrating that gene treatments
are required before puberty in order to Nutritional Health
have any significant benefit. The coming months are an exciting
In working with Infectious Diseases, time for Nutritional Health, as we com-
Genetics is focused on the implantation mence our first Mr. Apollo’s Nutrition-
of genetic correctors at the same time al Health Athletic Camp (MANHAC).
vaccines are applied. This treatment, We’re opening the doors to 98lb apol-
known as a binary weapon, aims to have ogies and obese embarrassments, with
parents sign a release immediately fol- the aim of turning these weaklings into
lowing birth so the arduous paperwork beings with the strength, energy, and
years later can be waived and injections ferocity of the metaphorical werewolf.
of both vaccination and regulator can The trial run of our MANHAC saw
be applied simultaneously. the first-ever Magadon-sponsored
Test subjects show no visible symp- sprinter winning a medal at the most
toms after receiving both treatments. recent Olympic Games. Our energy
WARNING: Magaloft has no recorded side-effects. May cause anaphylaxis in the presence of canines.
54
drinks, nutritional foods, and well-re- of life these days. In response we’ve
Magadon, Incorporated
ceived Slam-Jo Fitness Programs were constructed a new drug: Magapro.
cited as being the reasons behind our
runner’s victory, which is why we were Magapro has double the effectiveness
saddened to hear of her unexpected of Magaloft. This drug guarantees high
brittle-bone disorder diagnosis a month alertness, attentiveness, and a boost to
ago. Nevertheless, we intend to pro- both mood and activity. We even tested
duce an army of athletes bearing the it on our own security teams with great
Magadon name. Numerous companies success.
want employees who dedicate them- With trials coming to a conclusion and
selves to being at the peak of physical reporting only positive results, Maga-
perfection. We’ll happily provide ref- pro is likely to take up a prominent
erences and recommendations for any space in every drug cabinet. Psychiatric
retiring Magadon-sponsored athletes Therapy has given the drug their back-
who ask. ing, attesting to the medicine’s ability to
With the right blend of natural, stami- remove the need for talk-therapy. The
na-boosting ingredients, a healthy dose drug is looking to be the revolution the
of pure sugar and salt, and just seven workers of America need to get an edge
days — Magadon can make you more on their peers. Magapro drowns out
than human. the voices, quiets the anxieties, and is
guaranteed to give customers a lifetime
Psychiatric Therapy of satisfaction.
WARNING: Magapro can have serious side-effects not limited to confusion, agitation, muscle twitching,
sweating, shivering, fever, seizures, hyperactivity, arrhythmia, psychosis, addiction, aggressive behavior, and
anaphylaxis in the presence of canines. 55
RED NETWORK
Don’t go thinking you can rest easy now, though. The world of hard-hitting
news entertainment is a beast. It breathes down your neck and never lets up.
When you get out of bed, you have to stare it down and let it know that it isn’t
going to break you. If you can do that every single day, you’ll soon be one of
this country’s top broadcasters. You’ll be a household name,
loved by the people who see you on their screens.
Some of you will cover breaking news as and when it happens. Some of you
will bring sports to the masses. Some of you will cover cars, or fashion,
or local news. Some of you will keep the cameras rolling and our stars
looking perfect for their audience. All of you have the most
important job: keeping the world informed.
Flight 1549? The one that hit a flock of If you want to do the same, I’m sure
geese shortly after takeoff and had to you’ll find a home here as well.
make an emergency landing, eventually
ditching into the Hudson River? I cov-
ered that for our local affiliate. I talked
Overall Goals
to the flight crew (including Captain of the Network
Sullenberger), the captains of the rescue
vessels, and anyone else I could find As I’ve said, we report the Truth. In
that was even tangentially related to the fact, the network’s unofficial motto is
incident. For my thoroughness in re- “The Truth Hurts.” A bit cliché, I know,
porting, the RED Network took notice. but it’s also — if you don’t mind me
saying so — true. Often, the undiluted
When I first arrived at RED, I reported truth of the matter is hard to stomach.
for our six o’clock news program. Soon, So I hope that, if you’re planning on be-
though, I was a featured correspondent on ing either a field reporter or an anchor,
Battle News, going overseas countless times. you have the fortitude to continue.
Once I established myself there, I also gar-
nered guest spots on RED Consideration Obviously, we are a 24/7 news net-
and Exclusive Dispatch. This lasted for a few work, so like all of the others we have
years before I landed my current position. to provide content to fill those hours.
Often that means reporting the same
I love it here. It’s empowering to have fact over and over again. For you, the
the ability and the courage to report the field reporter or anchor, that requires
Truth to the American people. Other news you to make that interesting every single
channels aren’t willing to do that, so it’s time. If you’re bored in front of the cam-
gratifying to stand out, to stand above. era, the audience is bored. The result?
57
e’s
Who thought farming this guide out to an anchor was a good idea? Sh
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
be true, but
just admitted that RE D will distort the truth to get ratings! It may ed?
vett
putting it in writing is going too far. When was this Anna Collier last look at
d to
Is she really one of ours? If she won’t come back into the fold, we nee work
would
forcing her hand. I think Magadon was working on an Enticer that
on T V.
K. Mollett
Lower ratings, and a very good chance we report and how we report it. He has
you’ll be out on the street. an Assistant News Director to help him
with tasks as needed, as well as a Di-
So while we are absolutely dedicated rector of Newscast, who assists with the
to reporting the truth, it doesn’t mean actual production side of each of our
that the truth can’t be dressed up some- news programs. They form the front
what to keep people’s interest. But we’ll lines of management that the rank-and-
get to that a bit later. file see on a daily basis. Next position
down on the tree is the Executive Pro-
Organization ducer, who oversees the production of
each show. All of the Producers (one
of the Network per show, although one person may
One way or another, you’re likely produce several shows) as well as the
new to network news. So here I’ll go Anchors, all report directly to the Exec-
over a quick synopsis of how we work, utive Producer.
who you report to, and so on. In turn, the Producers are in charge
Apart from management like the net- of their respective shows. In the case of
work’s Board of Directors, as well as the the news programs, the Reporters, As-
network’s president, the highest local signment Manager, and Photographers
position is the General Manager. He is all report to the Producers. So there you
in charge of all aspects of the network’s have it; just insert yourself at the appro-
day-to-day business, and ultimately priate position, and you’ll know who
reports to the network’s Board. Beneath you need to report to. Each supervisor
him are the News Director, the Sales will detail to his or her staff when they
Manager and her Account Executive, need to report in, and what they need to
who make sure that we don’t acciden- bring to each meeting. But be sure that
tally report lies and slander about our you’ll be attending meetings. In fact,
advertisers, and the Creative Director that’s part of your daily routine.
and his team who come up with the
whizzy infographics that show our The Daily Routine
viewers what the facts actually mean.
When you arrive at the station, the
Focusing specifically on the News first thing you want to do after placing
Director for now, he is in charge of — your personal effects at your worksta-
you guessed it — the news, both what tion is to check your email. The News
58
Director will provide an outline of the you come in — the more eyes out there,
Red Network
reporting day’s goals, what the top sto- looking for news, the more stories we
ries are and how to present them. Our put on the air. Make sure to include a
audience expects a hard-hitting style perspective on the news that will make
from us, so the News Director will put it appeal to our core demographic. No-
tips and suggestions into the outline on body gets excited by bare facts, after
how best to approach any given story to all. One of the other advantages of our
accomplish that goal. sector-based style is how easy it is to
get attention from across the spectrum.
Make sure you’ve gone through the If some Bay Area champagne socialist
outline before the day’s news meet- tweets our story, it doesn’t matter how
ing, specifically the part of the outline angry the readers are: they still read the
labeled “Complaints.” This section is news we want them to read. Outrage
exactly what it sounds like, complaints can be a good thing.
against the network. The News Direc-
tor picks out a few choice grievances
to share with the group. You’ll want to Slow News Days
check this portion thoroughly; its length Sometimes we just have a day with
affects the News Director’s mood ac- no interesting news. When that hap-
cordingly. Complaints about “media pens, we simply take one of the burn-
bias” or “distorting the truth” are the ing questions of the day and turn them
bleating of liberal patsies; they mean into something our viewers want to see.
we’re doing our jobs and giving people After all, it is irresponsible to only react
the truth as hard as we can. Complaints to events. We need to be proactive; ask
from our core viewers can affect the questions, get people thinking about
News Director’s mood accordingly. things that threaten their way of life.
On a bad day his reactions might range We ask the questions our viewers are
from what one ex-director termed “vi- asking, about our government’s plans
olent sexual imagery” all the way to for the Confederate flag, taking away
physically reprimanding members of our Second Amendment rights, and
the staff who caused the complaints. limiting our rights to free speech in the
Don’t worry, though, our makeup art- name of “political correctness.” It is our
ists can cover any physical signs of the responsibility as journalists to keep our
News Director’s mood. viewers abreast of potential threats to
This meeting is where you can make their freedoms, even — especially — if
yourself known, as you have the oppor- that comes from their own leaders.
tunity to provide feedback from the out- No doubt you’ve heard the protesters
line directly to the News Director. Make and critics who claim that we simply
sure you read it and take notes so that invent the news. That could not be
you can use those during the meeting. further from the truth. We report on
You may want to stay quiet during your what’s happening now, what’s in the
first couple of meetings to gauge what’s public consciousness. Just because a
likely to set the News Director off. kidnapping isn’t occurring right this
Also during the meeting, you have very second doesn’t mean that parents
the opportunity to bring up anything don’t need to know about the horrors
you think is particularly newsworthy an abducted child might face. Terrorists
that may have otherwise escaped no- are everywhere, and it’s extremely im-
tice. The News Director is responsible portant for the public to report any and
for the big picture, but can’t always all suspicious activity. Some citizens
notice every small detail. That’s where will take justice into their own hands
59
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
and remove domestic terrorists from situations that might happen to them at
their neighborhoods on their own. This any time.
isn’t a bad thing! We engage in what we
call “preventative news,” stories that Of course, not all situations come
hit upon the public’s need to know and along neatly and on-schedule. Some-
show them how to handle a variety of times we have to massage things a
60
little. Part — in fact, I’d say a majority
Red Network
— of a journalist’s job is to inform the
public. Which is exactly what we do,
day in and day out. Even in the event
that we have to present a reconstruc-
tion of an event or situation, it’s done
so that viewers know the dangers. It’s
simply an unfortunate but sometimes
unavoidable danger that things go
further than planned. However, some-
times you have to make sacrifices to
achieve your goals.
Red Network
We have a particular look here at
the RED Network, and if you don’t
fit that image, then you aren’t go-
ing to be on television. It really is
that simple, and it’s for a very good
reason. Our viewers have certain
expectations of what television
hosts should look like, and we do
a very good job of meeting those
expectations.
63
male viewers have different rules. examination before you get a position of
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
Your skirt must hang above the knee. responsibility. Any such viewing must be
You must show cleavage; the show’s done outside of work hours.
producer will determine the exact
amount. Your clothes should comple- That said, the following sections cover
ment the color of your skin. Your hair our top programs, with notes for both
must still be blonde, but can fall up to the talent — reporters — and crew.
nine inches below the shoulder. Such
dress is not garish, it’s a requirement Battle News
of the program. It is all part of the cor- Terrorists, both foreign and domestic,
porate image. Follow the rules, and threaten America on a daily basis. We
keep your job. happily point out those who would harm
our home, and celebrate the heroes who
For both male and female anchors, the defend us. We share our country’s for-
makeup department has a set of guide- eign aid, military advisory, and acts of
lines to keep their workload down, and liberation from across the globe. We at
an exclusive range of Magadon prod- the RED Network are proud to have both
ucts with which to work their magic. veterans and active-duty military person-
They will be the only ones applying any nel amongst our most avid viewers.
and all makeup to anyone on-camera.
Do not apply any makeup, base, pow- This does mean that, if you are part
der, or any other cosmetic to any ex- of the show’s talent, you will be going
posed skin; likewise, do not apply any into combat with your soldiers. In fact,
products to your hair (including facial you’ll follow them everywhere. Whether
hair). Doing so is grounds for immedi- they’re on patrol, spending hours doing
ate disciplinary action. nothing in their bunk areas, or hunkered
down in a firefight, you’ll be right there,
We have an exciting new opportunity bringing the reality of war to the public.
for some staff who wish to become an-
chors but have trouble maintaining the A lot of your time won’t involve dodg-
discipline and self-confidence required ing bullets, though. When I was the
to master the look. Ask your General featured correspondent on this show,
Manager about participating in the we saw very little fighting. Instead, I
Glamour Program. focused on the soldiers and their fam-
ilies. Who their family members were,
Programming Overview their backstories, and how often they
heard from “back home.” I very quickly
We at the RED Network have a num- discovered — and you will, too — that
ber of award-winning programs on mail call ranks highly on any soldier’s
our schedule. We take great pride in list of favorite activities.
performing straight, hard-hitting jour-
nalism, as well as offering numerous With that said, however, you will get
opinion shows. yourself into combat at some point. Your
soldiers will keep you equipped with ar-
For the new employee, you need to be mor and otherwise keep you and your
familiar with at least our top four shows. crew as safe as possible. Still, “safe” is a
Of course, it’s best to have a good familiar- relative term in those situations, as the
ity with our entire lineup. New employees enemy won’t be firing blanks in your
who don’t have such an understanding direction. Fortunately, you’ll be packing
will be give exclusive access to our ar- the finest arms our private military con-
chives in order to familiarize themselves tractors can provide; and returning fire
as soon as possible; you’ll need to pass an is always good for ratings.
64
The crew actually has it worse than I’m here to tell you that those accusations
Red Network
you, but they’re there to support you are false. It’s true that the footage is edited af-
and signed on for it, so I wouldn’t (and ter review. It’s also true that we don’t show
didn’t) feel bad about it. Crew mem- the worst excesses of war. But those are
bers, you’ll be doing everything that for solid reasons. The average viewer isn’t
the talent does, except being on camera. ready for the excessive violence, the blood
The difference is the fifty pounds’ worth and gore of actual combat. They aren’t a sol-
of equipment that you’ll carry with you dier, haven’t gone through the appropriate
that the reporter won’t. You’ll also be training, and will react poorly. It’s for their
responsible for keeping those items in own protection. It’s also for the soldiers’
good working order, and getting the protection, so we don’t give away their
shot right the first time. The enemies positions, reveal any secrets (equipment or
won’t return to their original positions otherwise), or in any way compromise their
and give you another take. The position missions. We have to get across the nature
requires many of the same qualities that of the conflict in a way that people on the
a soldier needs: steady nerves, a calm other side of the screen can understand.
demeanor, and the willingness to go
into a war zone in just the same way. We also have had some accusations
levelled at us that Battle News desen-
So if you want to be a part of this sitizes viewers to violence, and actively
show, whether as the reporter or a promotes racial violence against groups
member of the crew, I suggest hitting who are ethnic minorities in the USA.
the gym often. It’s the most difficult We at RED Network deny those claims,
and physically demanding position at and if a few misguided individuals do
the network, so you would behoove not understand the purpose of Battle
yourself to prepare for it. News then it’s hardly our fault.
, and
Nobody got a photograph of the bodies in O’Hannigan’s trunk
them to
by the time the cops found the bodies nobody could match
we sued
the dead prostitutes. That all worked in our favor when
won’t
for libel, but someone needs to remind “Iron Will” that we
keep him out of jail if he doesn’t learn some damn subtlety.
A.B.
66
Red Network
Executive Decision day, election results, and Congressional
resignations or retirements all fit here.
The most popular news show in its In addition, Bob has an interview por-
time slot, Executive Decision rakes in tion with a lawmaker, influential lob-
more than two million viewers every byist, or pundits, discussing these news
evening. Current host, Bob Brier brings stories to make them more accessible to
those viewers the day’s events with no the average viewer.
fear. He’ll tackle anything, from the
dirtiest controversy to the most minor The second segment is called “The
of political news. This reinforces our RED Table,” where Bob has three to five
mandate to bring the public the news, political reporters from the network on
unfiltered and unafraid. They deserve the show. The individuals vary, but
to know what corruption exists within the roster is more or less set to a list of
the government, the FBI, CIA, and oth- twenty or so. I’m proud to be on that
er so-called “alphabet agencies,” and all list, and have sat in on the show often,
of the major corporations. providing my own take on the major
stories of the day. Despite not being the
The hour-long show is divided into longest section of the show, our surveys
three basic segments. The first segment indicate that this is the most popular
is called “Top Cuts,” and focuses on the segment. While other networks orga-
most important news stories of the day. nize “Astroturf” complaints about our
Major legislation on the Hill, what Ex- only left-wing pundit being a shallow
ecutive Orders the President made that straw-man for us to shout over, that’s
67
entirely false. Most of them only last a rorist attacks, to Benghazi, to Hurricane
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
month before moving on, that’s true, Katrina, to the Ebola outbreak, to airline
but it’s because they understand our disasters. The hosts have no boundaries
position. One has even returned as a to what they discuss, and Fred has been
pundit for the winning side! very involved in the show’s content for
years now.
The shortest and final segment is
called “Parting Shot,” and features a One of the most important portions
bit from the previous evening’s late- of the show in my opinion is allowing
night entertainment. Usually comedic, the viewers to call in and comment.
Parting Shot showcases a stand-up or Called the “Shoot-Back” section of the
monologue section from one of those program, the panel takes calls from
other shows, and is always political in anywhere the RED Network reaches.
nature. It never takes up more than a We value our viewers’ opinions, which,
few minutes of Executive Decision, but to be honest, align very closely with
we’ve found that it’s a good way to end ours. The reaffirmation of the hosts’
the show. Political news can often be points makes them feel better about
depressing because it reveals, if you’ll their jobs, and in turn makes them even
pardon the expression, “the way the more energetic and lively. Allowing the
sausage is made.” By giving the view- viewership this connection gives them
ers a chuckle at the end of the program, a feeling of contribution. Thus, they
pointing out the idiocy of the govern- stick with the network and trust us to
ment, the corruption of the young, or give them the news they want to see
the idiocy of “political correctness,” we and hear.
leave them on a high note. Going by rat-
ings and surveys, it works. The viewers To address one final point: yes, RED
keep coming back for more, which is Fred and Friends has come under attack
exactly what we want them to do. in recent years. Some critics blame the
show for airing misleading news sto-
RED Fred and Friends ries, providing false presentation, or in
at least one case, creating news whole-
In the world of early-morning news sale that was later shown to be false.
programs, RED Fred and Friends is far For example, we recently aired a story
and away the most popular. The view- about a Middle Eastern king personally
ing average shows that over 1 million leading a squadron of fighter-bombers
people tune in daily. Fred Morris is against terrorist targets. We compared
the primary host, but five others — his and contrasted the king with our cur-
friends, obviously — round out the rent President, who has not yet got his
hosting duties. Those hosts are Ellen hands dirty in the War on Terror. It was
Duchamps, Michael Rook, Steven Ma- obviously hyperbole; only people with-
lina, Henry Schmidt, and meteorologist out humor would take that as an attack
Greg Church. on a sitting President.
The two-hour-long show provides What critics fail to realize is that the
commentary from the hosts about the program is as much entertainment as it
top news stories over the previous day, is strict news. Of course there are going
or any developing or ongoing news that to be stories that generate extreme opin-
is currently important or popular. While ions. It’s sad that critics out there don’t
the focus is on the political spectrum, get what we’re trying to do here, and
any newsworthy story can and has been I personally hope they come around to
discussed. The team has handled a va- our way of thinking, for the betterment
riety of reports, from the Sept. 11th ter- of the country. If they only watched
68
with something rather more
Since we replaced the water
Red Network
gone on to be our most valuable
useful, Executive Decision has a
ers are swayed to put across
segment. The round-table report The
but that’s a neat side-effect.
more Pentex-aligned message,
drinking it at the top of the
real benefit is when politicians t
in the back of their head tha
show end up with a little voice
to hear.
whispers what we want them
e gone so far as to bring their
On that note, two Senators hav eone
es on the show. Looks like som
own water for their appearanc y
eal ing tra de sec ret s. Fin d them, and make sure that the
is rev ons.
eable consequences of their acti
experience the entirely forese
A.B.
more RED Fred and Friends, maybe your position. The Human Resources
they’d achiever a better understanding department will cover all of that with
of the show’s purpose. you during your formal orientation,
which takes a couple of days. Be sure to
In Closing pay close attention to everything they
tell you, as it will help you maneuver
This handbook should give you a through any potential pitfalls during
much better idea of what it’s like to be your time here.
a part of the RED Network team. Specif-
ics, such as health plans, other benefits, With that all said, welcome to the
and compensation, all vary based on RED Network! Go forth and spread the
truth!
69
SUNBURST COMPUTERS
Our Story
while still maximizing the company’s
reputation and profit margins, to which
Beginning as a powerhouse at the we are entitled as shareholders.
dawn of the technological age, we have
We make the most of every asset we
remained a juggernaut that leads the
can muster. Our ruthless determination
pack. Our technology provides tools
includes what our opponents call “child
that serve as a base upon which other
labor,” “blackmail,” and “extortion.” We
companies can build new, exciting
have successfully fought these spurious
technologies. Our constant ability to
claims in the courts and the press, all
stay forward-thinking and profitable
while keeping a sterling reputation as
even during the global financial crisis
a leader in information technology and
has allowed other industry leaders
electronics. This ingenuity has allowed
to avoid catastrophic losses and stay
Sunburst to serve as a strong founda-
competitive in business while carrying
tional pillar of the technology sector.
out their own mission and visions. We
continue to lead the way into the future Sunburst Computers is a key compo-
with powerful and innovative solutions nent in myriad other businesses. This
to arising technological issues. is in large part due to our product line,
which functions at peak efficiency with
Strategy below-average hardware issues for
We are the benchmark that the uni- internal customers. Beyond our own
verse measures itself against. To remain goals, we serve as an information hub
the industry standard, we must do that others can draw from in order to
whatever is necessary to disseminate fuel their own campaigns and strategic
cutting-edge benefits to our customers, initiatives. Our extensive data-mining
70
Sunburst Computers hires some of the most brilliant minds in diverse fields,
such as computer science, electrical and mechanical engineering, and project
management in order to ensure that we provide the highest quality products
for our targeted demographics. By providing access to the technology that
people use every day, we become a key component of their lives, and learn
how to better meet the needs and wants of our customers. By working
with our corporate partners, as well as capitalizing on the creativity of our
employees, Sunburst computers can and will be a name synonymous
with the leading edge of technological innovation.
operations seamlessly integrate with nects them to the internet and applies
advertisers and select partner-compa- any pending updates. As with any tech-
nies that can best make use of the in- nological device, this sometimes does
formation we gather. We offer a secure not always go as smoothly as it could,
and stable platform upon which both but our hardworking team of technical
personal and business users can build a support agents are driven to help ensure
better tomorrow. the customer receives any necessary
workaround or fix. More often than
Product Catalog not, once people have worked with our
Sunburst Computers continues to of- support technicians they feel a renewed
fer the most powerful machines on the affinity for Sunburst as a company.
market for the lowest prices. We aggres- We are also a valued part of the
sively price both our laptop and desk- business community, with Sunburst
top models to ensure that every single computers and smartphones delivering
home has the opportunity to join us in the ultimate user experience to keep ev-
exploring the vast new horizon that the erything from small-business users to
Information Age has unlocked. Taking Fortune 500 companies on the cutting
that one-step further, we produce the edge. Our upgrade and renewal service
Sunpad and the Solaris range of smart- contracts allow our business customers
phones, allowing our customers to take to remain confident they have the latest
all the power of our products with them technology while not having to worry
everywhere they go. about the removal of the older mod-
Our home and personal computers are els. Participation in this program also
ready to go the moment the user con- passes significant savings onto the con-
71
sumer, with each
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
returned item re-
ducing the price of
the upgraded pur-
chases. During this
process our teams
will thoroughly
scan the depreciated
devices to ensure no
loss of critical data
can occur, while
maintaining the
strictest measures
of confidentiality to
our corporate part-
ners. While some of
our smaller clients
have claimed every
few generations
of computer have
their processors and
memory limited so
we can “upgrade”
them for zero cost,
they’ve not been activate the webcam in invisible mode,
able to prove this in court. allowing the user or the authorities to
see what is happening on the device
Sunpad without alerting the thief. All record-
As a tablet PC, the Sunpad is unpar- ings are remotely stored on the secure
alleled. The low sticker-price combined cloud servers of Sunburst, allowing
with the state-of-the-art hardware blows us to assist law-enforcement officials
away any other possible competition. It quickly and with the most complete
has become a staple in the industry and information possible. We can also ac-
makes it into more homes every day. tivate the webcam and microphone if
With its robust battery and ultra-fast the user can’t log in to the web portal.
charging capability, it is always ready to Our cloud backups also save the us-
meet the needs of the user. From games er’s settings, photos, and documents,
and videos to bookkeeping and office so if anything happens to the Sunpad
software, the Sunpad allows a user to he can simply restore from a backup.
meet their needs, while still being porta- While some privacy advocates com-
ble enough to take with them anywhere. plain about us holding a copy of all a
user’s data, most people are glad when
One of the biggest draws of the Sun- they can get all their photos back. Our
pad, beyond the impressive computing information-analysis team can also help
power in such a portable device, is the users find documents or passwords that
security measures we install in each one they may have misplaced or forgotten.
we produce. The Sunpad continuously
records the GPS location of the device Blending the power of a desktop with
and the activities that take place on it. the portability of a laptop, the Sunpad
This feature ensures that if the device is is the cost-effective mobile solution to
stolen, the user can track it. He can also everyday technological challenges.
72
Solaris
Sunburst Computers
When we first en-
visioned the Solaris
smartphone, our prima-
ry goal was to create a
device that offered the
power and versatility
of our cutting-edge
technology to the elite
consumer. We want
this device to be not just
a phone, but a status
symbol. As more and
more celebrities, busi-
ness tycoons, and media
personalities embraced
the newest technology,
we were determined
to provide the perfect
solution: the Solaris.
When our employees
I was tracked across a
consider their innova-
ure out
continent and couldn’t fig
tions to suggest for our
phones. we want them
laris
to consider what would appeal to the how until I ditched the So
ep
technophile while offering the ease-of- my Kin had given me to ke
your
use that even the least of the tech-savvy in touch with. Throw out
ers
could operate. smartphones — use burn
to see
Few people can remember what life only. I haven’t been back
probably
was like without a smartphone. The up- my Kin yet. Somebody’s
swing of social media has turned what still watching.
was once a luxury into a necessity. We
want our developers to focus on creat- — Travels-With-The-Wind
ing exclusively-designed apps for So-
laris users, while our engineers work to
make it smaller, faster, and even more deemable for a wide array of exclusive
powerful with each generation. features. These are all stored on our
cloud servers, allowing owners to look
One of our more successful exam- back on what they have done, as well as
ples of innovation allows Solaris users share their successes with their friends.
to compete with each other for special
achievements and benefits such as invi- Solaris also includes the same secu-
tations to beta test the next phone gener- rity and cloud backup features of the
ation, or give direct input and feedback Sunpad. We can find your phone when
to our developers on things they would someone steals it, record their conversa-
like to see. Users snap photos, check-in tions, and take photos and video of the
at their favorite locations, and tag other thief without them knowing. The recent
Solaris users who are with them. Doing leak of confidential documents claiming
this grants the user points, which are re- that we share all of this information with
73
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
that dumped our internal
We found the pack of monkeywrenchers
that they’d also stuck a bunch of
documents on the web. We didn’t realize
rs’ dat a out the re. Bap tist e wor ked his balls off to cover it, but even
our use
under the bus.
then, tech news sites threw Sunburst
a payload into most of the user-
Fortunately, we’ve managed to sneak
n, anyone who steals our data is
data torrents. Fuck tracking them dow
ting a high -d ose of “ta ilore d con tam ination,” the same trick Endron use
get
this mess, let them clean it up.
on the Pathfinder. Gaia’s bitches caused
on those monkeywrenching pricks.
I’m going to work off some frustration
Dragon’s-Wrath
our advertising partners is quite true, but department for proper handling. As such
neither it, nor the multi-terabyte torrent a strong leader in the technology field,
file of unencrypted user data has lost us we often receive more than our fair share
any of our loyal customer base. of blame for the security weaknesses of
third-party sites and applications. While
Apps we wish we could ensure the safety of
While we have our own smartphone in our customers, even we can’t handle se-
the Solaris, we also have a team of avid app curity for the entire internet.
developers for other platforms. Coming
primarily from our employees’ open-choice Information
project work, these apps have a level of in-
novation that can only come from Sunburst. Analysis Categories
One of the primary goals of our infor-
One of our most popular is our password
mation analysis team is to prepare the
manager, Combination. No longer do users
information that we gather for sale to our
have to worry about forgetting their pass-
carefully-selected corporate partners.
words or managing the myriad different
Purchasing history, product searches,
logins for their interests. Just install the app
television and movie streaming, pass-
and all of the information is stored securely
words, and search history all falls into
on our cloud servers, allowing users access
this category, as does a range of ground-
to other sites and apps with the touch of
breaking data gathering methods. Us-
a button. The best part is that if they ever
ing voice recognition to find out what
need to change passwords, merely press
people are talking about, and knowing
a button and Combination will handle the
what patterns our users take when they
change and verification. Recovering from a
walk around all helps build a range of
crash or purchasing a new device? Merely
telemetry. This allows for increasing-
login to our app store and download Com-
ly escalated targeted advertising. The
bination to have everything installed and
data analysis of who is watching which
ready once more.
actors, what shows, and buying what
While some people claim that this products allows us to let our partners
grants Sunburst the ability to misuse user know how to best target future products
passwords, we remind employees to re- and sales towards those markets far
port any such libelous claims to our legal more accurately than mere focus groups
74
Sunburst Computers
would allow. Select actors can appear in security with the most exact information
advertisements to better penetrate our available to allow them more accurately
target audience, while promoting the perform their job. Through our govern-
type of behavior we want to encourage. ment contracts, we assist in monitoring
criminals and their activities to provide
Another responsibility of this team is to relevant data to those best-equipped to
help assist law enforcement and private deal with them. Using the Sunpad and
75
Solaris GPS features allows our analysts stamina of the younger boys keeps
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
to locate targets and feed that information them competitive in the workplace.
to security with uncanny precision. Em-
ployees lucky enough to be a part of this Each of our manufacturing plants has
team are just as much on the front lines trained medical staff on hand at all times
as those who hunt and apprehend these to help handle any workplace incidents.
criminal elements. At Sunburst, we take While some minor health issues have
this commitment very seriously, only the arisen, allegedly due to chemical residue,
most trusted and vetted employees are we are confident that it is far more likely
chosen to work for IA. that the living conditions in the coun-
try itself are the primary contributors
Our corporate partners rely on us to to any health problems or birth defects
have accurate information and the tech- reported. We take safety very seriously
nology to make use of it. At Sunburst, at Sunburst, and at our own expense,
it is our responsibility to ensure that ensure that our workers do not need to
our devices meet the expectations of go to local hospitals. Instead, they report
our clients. As an employee, it is your to our medical staff for a swift diagnosis
responsibility to anticipate and deliver and treatment plan to get them back to
on the future. work providing for themselves and their
families as quickly as possible.
Production Methods Supervisors and managers on the
While most of our software needs are manufacturing teams confirm that ev-
handled in-house, we outsource our ery product that passes through our
hardware manufacturing to developing plants and into our products is of the
nations with governments amenable to highest quality and manufacture. To
our needs. In our manufacturing facili- sustain our workforce, we have found
ties we bring jobs and money into strug- that workers who have survived long
gling economies and provide an oppor- enough to age out of manufacturing are
tunity for a better way of life for those more than willing to give any children
in our employ. We operate a number they may have the same opportuni-
of supplemental facilities — unknown ties that they had; and we’ll provide
to any government or humanitarian corporate housing near their former
oversight agencies — that allow us to worksites. The more children they are
pay workers without governments tak- able to commit to manufacturing, the
ing their cut of the taxes or enforcing more luxurious an abode we can pro-
expensive safety standards. Thanks to vide, with amenities including running
those facilities, we regularly come out water and indoor plumbing. It is the
ahead when sustainable-technology goal of many young manufacturers to
watchdogs investigate our manufac- live in homes better than their forebears.
turing chain. Our ability to lower costs
and sell our products so cheaply lies in Outsourced Tech Support
one of the Earth’s most renewable of
resources: children. Our smallest and Along with our factory work, the other
most delicate hardware is carefully major service that we outsource is our
crafted by the nimble and tiny hands technical support services. We under-
of enterprising young workers in areas stand that computers can be complicated
where children can start work from as and confusing devices and we want to
young as six-years-old. We’ve found guarantee that our users get the most out
that while the girls tend to be swifter of their device by having friendly and
and have a longer attention span, the knowledgeable staff ready to assist them
76
with any problems they may have. Our of product and we want to reward those
Sunburst Computers
data shows that having an international who are truly dedicated to the success of
staff allows the most successful service Sunburst Computers.
for any of our users around the globe.
We also recently introduced a compa-
All call center staffers are held to rig- ny-wide massage program. Professionally
orous standards after graduating from trained masseurs will provide free ser-
our training programs, to help ensure vices by appointment to help relieve the
that every customer receives the lev- stress and tension that can accrue after a
el of service they deserve. Sunburst is 120-hour week. We also provide corporate
proud to say that our employees lead apartments on campus, available on an
the industry in average call duration — hourly, nightly, or even weekend basis for
just thirty-three seconds — call volume, when a staffer needs to relax without hav-
and email answers per hour. While lo- ing to leave the office. If you don’t have an
cal news has tried to brand our policy active social life, the concierge can arrange
of preventing bathroom breaks for be- any company you want to help you relax;
low-average workers as inhumane, it is just let him know your needs.
not against local employment law and
provides an incentive to increase our We understand that our employees
standards. Dedicated members of these have different outlooks on life. If you’re
teams often put in hours of unpaid over- dedicated to your family, we have parks
time and skip breaks just to be sure that and green spaces on campus with great
no customer issue remains unresolved Wi-Fi where your partner and kids can
within the allotted time. With the sheer enjoy a fun day at work. For develop-
amount of highly-educated and mo- ers with an active social life — “bro-
tivated people seeking employment grammers” — we have bars and clubs
within our company, those without a on-campus with significant employee
sincere desire to handle our customer discounts, and our concierge service
issues will quickly find themselves re- can arrange entertainment for the whole
placed by someone who does. group. Those who prefer a less social
working space can use our quiet areas,
where the only sound is the clicking of a
Corporate Culture keyboard, the “ping” of new email, and
At Sunburst, we want to create an speaking is strictly forbidden.
overall environment that encourages Sunburst also has a daycare center
our employees to enjoy the time they that specializes in after-school care
spend at work. By offering services and and entertainment for kids. We can
benefits that make your life easier, we coordinate shuttles from surroundings
can raise productivity and morale at the schools direct to the center. Our staff
same time. We are more than just a cor- will message you when your child ar-
poration. We are a family, and we want rives at the center so you can be sure
our employees to embrace that mentality. that your kids are safe without leaving
Within our corporate campus we provide your desks. Daycare staff are trained
numerous amenities for your use, includ- educators, fully certified to keep your
ing dry cleaners, convenient ATMs, and a children entertained and stimulated.
concierge service to handle minor chores
and errands. Our on-site restaurants cater One of our most popular programs is
meetings and deliver food directly to an the Free Time Initiative. Ten percent of
office or cubicle. We know that you work each week is set aside for our employ-
hard, putting in overtime, and working ees to explore their own ideas outside
through meals to deliver the highest level of their team goals and projects. This
77
lets you work on innovative ideas and by name or financially, that’d just make
inventions, giving back to the company our other developers feel bad that their
that has given you so much. We have ideas haven’t yet come to anything.
found that employees truly feel inspired
when they see Sunburst roll out a new One of our beta test programs going
product or service inspired by the work on right now is the Friday afternoon
they developed on their own time. No happy hour. This has dramatically in-
other recognition could possibly equal creased both morale and productivity,
the sense of accomplishment that comes even in the early stages. We host informal
from seeing these ideas take form and team-building events and provide free
knowing you had a hand in its creation. drinks to help encourage our employees
The Free Time Initiative is where we got to get to know each other and foster a
some of our most popular platforms. collaborative atmosphere. These socials
A few disgruntled ex-employees have have already born fruit in a number of
complained that their names aren’t part innovative ideas being developed in this
of the software that they claim to have free time, or gathered from the observa-
developed and that they haven’t seen tion teams assigned to monitor the events
any additional money from launching during the beta test phase. We have also
a major revenue-generating service. found that having our senior managers
They’re right; it’s all a part of the Sun- and supervisors encourage employees at
burst family of hardware and software. these meetings helps them realize how
If we recognized specific people, either vital they are to our teams’ successes.
78
Media and
best and the brightest from across the
Sunburst Computers
technology sector into the fold.
Public Relations Company employees are completely
Reputation is everything in these days forbidden from discussing anything
of 24-hour news coverage and internet with the press unless they have express
media sites. We at Sunburst Computers permission granted by the Media and
are committed to always improving on Public Relations Office. Obviously, we
the already-high bar setting us above always want to be in complete control
our competition. Our internal public of the message that we are releasing to
relations team is on call 24/7/365 to en- the public at large. With the operations
sure that any possible negative mention we have in place it would be easy to
can be spun into something positive, or have such situations blow up in our
buried so far deep that it will never see face if the wrong words were to reach
the light of day. Our team also holds the wrong ears. After all, a lot of what
our competitors to very rigorous stan- we’re doing may look “wrong” on the
dards of legality and morality. When a face of it. The wrong phrasing might
competitor slips up, we can hand over make our security and backup features
everything the relevant authorities look like ways we can spy on our us-
need to bring a case. Our aggressive ers, harvest their passwords, and read
recruitment strategy also targets devel- through all of their data. Likewise,
opers and engineers who used to work they may question how many of our
for our competition and who might employees put in long work weeks vol-
have a grudge to settle. With our crack untarily. Don’t forget the social media
legal staff guaranteeing that only our explosion a couple of years ago when a
non-compete agreements are enforce- couple of our developers were enjoying
able under the law, we can bring the a company-funded team-building ses-
I know that Lamont had a hand in that. I bet he even started up the
hashtag just to piss me off. Well, it worked. Sunburst’s stock tanked. At least
we kept the partially-eaten corpses out of the media. I can just imagine how
bad S“ oftware Cannibal Orgy” would look on the nightly news. I have no
problem with our employees doing what they will, as long as they’re not stupid
enough to do it on camera!
I’ve seconded the idiots involved to Project Iliad with extreme prejudice;
Francesco said something about wanting “Endowed on the app store.” Lamont
might whine that I was too forceful in their reassignment, but I don’t know
anyone who needs their dick to type.
K. Mollett
79
sion at a conference that was spun into encouraged to speak with both legal
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
a “bacchanalian orgy of sex and drugs.” and management to certify that they
It took dedicated work from all of our understand what information they pre-
media experts to bring the #Sunburst- viously possessed that would constitute
Orgy hashtag under control. proprietary information.
80
that acts as a security badge, as well as work. The security on such buildings
Sunburst Computers
authentication for any-and-all Sunburst is all computer-controlled, with armed
resources to which employees have ac- guards as backup where applicable.
cess, including any personal Sunburst Employees who attempt to enter an
devices. This ensures no employee ac- area for which they are not cleared will
cidentally forgets or loses their badge begin to feel their microchip begin to
and becomes subject to Security’s itch. Remaining in the area for more
identity confirmation process and the than five minutes will trigger the fail-
subsequent medical leave that is often safe mechanism.
required. While the program is current-
ly only in the volunteer stage of rollout, All guards on campus are ex-law-en-
our goal is to provide enough incentives forcement or ex-military, many of
to garner more volunteers until we are whom have gone through extra train-
comfortable with the inherent failure ing and physical therapy provided by
rate and side-effects. our partnership with Magadon Phar-
maceuticals. Sunburst employs a team
The microchip can be pinged with a of analysts specifically to monitor all
wireless signal that destroys the chip our security personnel to confirm that
to prevent independent removal and they are carrying out their duties in a
examination by our competitors. Loss courteous and polite manner, and only
of signal without pre-approved notifi- use force when appropriate.
cation will cause the device to activate a
timer, which at expiration, will activate
the failsafe. Sadly, the failsafe mecha-
Closing
nism still has a few bugs to work out. As an ever-expanding company, we
Should your failsafe trigger without at Sunburst demand a lot from our em-
good reason remain calm and contact ployees. In exchange for the hard work,
the Sunburst medical team. Don’t wor- determination, and drive we expect, we
ry — the pain and nerve damage will also offer an opportunity unparalleled
fade over the following month. with any other company: a chance to
develop the cutting-edge of business
The microchip can also enhance cre- and consumer technology. Joining the
ativity and increase productivity through Sunburst family is a chance given to
electrical nerve-stimulation. A small seg- only the best and brightest, and we are
ment of volunteers has shown side effects proud to have you join our mission to
such as reduced attention span, gastro- provide technological excellence.
intestinal distress, violent mood swings,
loss of teeth, loss of hair, and teratoma We hope that this has given you a firm
formation. In rare cases, the stimulation understanding of how we work here
targets the muscles instead, leading to a at Sunburst Computers. If you have
violent increase in muscle mass. Overuse further questions or comments, please
of the electrical nerve-stimulation can submit them to the HR department and
corrode reasoning skills. they will get back to you. Security is
available on request to help ensure that
Throughout campus, many buildings your account and passwords are set up
are dedicated to higher-level teams or correctly and to our standards.
code-word classified secret projects.
Each unique employee badge or chip We are extremely confident that you
ensures they have access to only the will be an asset to the company and a
facilities that they require for their synergistic member of your team.
81
TELLUS ENTERPRISES
Our Games
and perks as well as increased respon-
sibility.
We always want to encourage our
employees to remain creative and to Biological Warfare
come up with new ideas and concepts Time to get Locked, Cocked,
for future product launches. In the cut- and Ready to Rock.
throat gaming world, Tellus Enterprises
keeps ahead of trends to maintain our Our strongest franchise, and one of
competitive edge. Games like Biological the most intense FPS games to date,
Warfare and Eden Online came from the Biological Warfare team members
the minds of our talented game devel- are going the extra mile to create a fun
opers, and your fellow Tellus co-work- and visceral experience for everyone
ers. We’re now looking at you to help who plays. With the newest iterations
us create the next blockbuster. of the game, we want to ensure that
the single-player campaign mode has a
Below you’ll find the vision behind gritty realism that uses the sheer power
our core lines to give insight into how of our physics engine to grab our play-
we expect employees to perform when ers. That said, the multi-player content
they are a part of those teams. While an is arguably the strongest motivator for
employee may begin work on one of the a large section of our fanbase. As such,
many quality games that Tellus creates we work hard to create and release new
and distributes, those with talent and maps, additional game-mode options,
ambition strive to become a member of and enhance the cast of characters to
one of our Core Teams. Joining one of allow everyone to continue to get as
these teams comes with added benefits much out of each copy of the game they
82
Tellus Enterprises is the industry leader in cutting-edge video games.
We take only the best, so congratulations! You’ve proven that you are one of
the select few with the drive, passion, and skills to join our crusade to push
the envelope and create multi-dimensional games.
Now that you’ve gotten your foot in the door, you’re about to step into a
whole new world of creativity, much like the worlds we offer to our fans.
We work hard; driving ourselves beyond the point of exhaustion in order to
meet our deadlines and goals. We also play hard, competing against
each other within the game worlds we create. Some of our biggest fans
are right here in this building, helping to design and assertively implement
innovative gaming experiences to the next generation of players.
purchase. Our staff members have to certain that every bloody detail is per-
push themselves both physically and fectly recreated in the game. The facility
creatively in order to meet the demands can also be used to test the reactions to
of our ravenous fanbase. biological agents. New concepts for bi-
ological and chemical mutations should
Our artists must undertake radical re- be submitted to the testing facility for
search to guarantee that everything in the testing and documentation. Our experts
game environment is true to real life. This can also provide samples of new sub-
involves extensive modeling for the charac- stances that can then be tweaked and
ter skins to accurately reflect damage taken rolled into our games as combat stimu-
from bullets, grenades, or chainsaws. The lants and perks.
weapon skins themselves also change as
damage is accrued with a specific weapon. Please remember that any contrib-
Scratches on the barrels of a gun, and nicks uting material that you provide must
in blades are a great way for a player to re- be documented with your name, de-
member an exceptional session of gaming. tailed photographs, as well as written
accounts and any pertinent subject
To facilitate our unparalleled level information. If you require assistance
of accuracy, we have created a reen- with subject waivers or the next-of-kin
actment department so staff can create notification, please inform your HR
a live display of any given scenario representative immediately. We can-
using real weapons and models taken not be held responsible for any prob-
from real-world casualties of war. This lems that arise due to incomplete or
hands-on method, combined with our late documentation.
large research library, should help make
83
teers (and some particu-
larly rabid fans) who have
donated their bodies to the
betterment of the Biological
Warfare experience.
g environment is a glorious
The whole Biological Warfare testin
option. On the one hand,
place to spend time if you have the
a perk of employment and a
framing it as somewhere between
uirem ent for de tai l do es rob it of some fun. On the other, we’ve
req
gged lycanthrope s, Kinfolk,
“volunteered ” a large number of dru
ough the testing facilities.
and other obstacles to our plans thr
for our biowar output in this
They’re the finest testing-grounds
realm.
Zettler
84
are map specific, so that Little Johnny It is an undertaking that definitely puts
tellus enterprises
can put down his friends in the Grocery the “massive” in “massively multi-
Store, then massacre corrupt games player.” While realism isn’t as much of
journalists on the Schoolyard map. With a necessity as it may be in games like
a quick click of the phone and upload to Biological Warfare, plausibility is key
the cloud, anyone can enjoy vicarious- to this franchise’s success. Combining
ly spraying their boss, ex-girlfriend, or virtual reality with innovation, we give
parents with weapons outlawed under our players a cutting-edge experience
the Geneva Convention — or watch they cannot find anywhere else.
their target horribly mutate into a skin-
less meat puppet. Another way things stay exciting
within Eden Online is our specifical-
Eden Online ly-timed-and-released events. Some of
the rarest items and crafting materials
Where your only limit is time, are available only through key instanc-
and we’re working on that one! es that only appear in game for a short
Eden Online is a massively multi- time. We use these events to encourage
player online adventure with a loyal constant participation by our players.
and dedicated following that’s second- Being inactive for five minutes during
to-none. More than any other product one of these will automatically remove
line, Eden team members must be will- a player from the scenario. While scare
ing to give their all to keep that ideal. stories in the press claim that our longer
Even as our players are exploring new events cause dehydration, starvation,
worlds, subduing hostile creatures and and even hallucinations due to sleep
environments, and gathering resources, deprivation, no one has produced con-
we are creating new worlds to reach clusive proof. Even if they did, we feel
with new challenges to overcome. It is a that the joy the player receives from ob-
race to ensure that our content is always taining that rare ore more than makes
fresh, exciting and provides a continu- up for it.
ing new experience for the whole range One of the greatest features that keeps
of players. players flocking to Eden Online in re-
Our team members on Eden work cord numbers is that every member of
80+ hour work weeks, designing and our team also serves as a GM inside the
testing each new region that we add game during® non-work hours. Players
to our ever-expanding universe. Each who have questions or need assistance
area must have differing environments, can receive it from the same people
creatures, and available resources. Con- who actually create and maintain the
tent engineers are also responsible for game itself. During work hours, team
quests, NPCs, and instanced content. members have secondary machines
logged in to the game throughout their
86
ations navigate an experi-
tellus enterprises
ence almost like life itself.
Clones Online takes this to
the next level; players all
over the world join togeth-
er and weave their own
creations in with those of
the other players. They can
then watch and manipu-
late the results to the enjoy-
ment of all involved.
87
es merchandise and
The sympathetic link between Clon
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
us pinpoint areas of off-
the manufacturing facilities help
to earn points for these
realm activity when people go out
use them as remote
“wilderness achievements.” We can
hotspots. The more off-
sensing points to locate off-realm
ard. Whoever came up
realm activity, the greater their rew discovery.
ern
with this, successfully gamified Ca
that it works or
I don’t know whether to be stunned t. Either way,
it firs
insulted that I didn’t come up with
they’re due a promotion.
Adrian Newberry
88
work. We realize this and we want to brackets for at least six months after
tellus enterprises
give you the tools you need to keep release. Your play is ranked according
producing your best work no matter to success in such goals as most kills,
how tired you might be. All Tellus highest kill/death/assist ratio, great-
facilities have well-stocked lounges, est amount of resources gathered, and
complete with energy drinks, protein most planets explored. High ranks in
bars, and meal-replacement beverages, the tournaments will unlock perks and
all completely free and available to use benefits within the company, as well as
in order to make sure you keep yourself having an impact on your promotion
topped off and ready to go. Many of and continuing employment reviews.
our offices also have Knock Out rooms, Participation is mandatory; even mem-
where you can grab a quick power nap bers of the Clones content-development
to help recharge your batteries. You’ll team have to learn to cripple their foes
find some comfortable dorm-style beds if they want to play with the big boys —
with headphones to help block out the though several members of the Biolog-
noise of the rest of the team working. ical Warfare testing team plummeted
They also provide a company-moni- down the ranks when we included met-
tored alarm to ensure you get back to rics from Clones Online in the brackets!
your desk in a timely fashion. Showers You’ve got to play all our games if you
are available so that you are refreshed want to make them.
and ready to return to crafting the best
player experiences money can buy. Em- The tournament brackets are judged
ployees are also welcome to customize quarterly. Eden Online tournament re-
their work spaces including things such sults are viewable throughout the quar-
as mini-fridges and other amenities ter via the company intranet, with the
that will help bring a bit of comfort and final results being tallied at the posted
personality to their workspace to make deadline. The highest-ranked players on
your desk feel even more like home. the Biological Warfare servers take part
We understand the value of family, and in a round-robin tournament held over
provide free time-limited video-calling the week before the deadline, so that
facilities so you can see your loved ones nobody can be quite sure of the tourna-
whenever you want. ment results until the very last minute.
Overall winners as well as category
Employee Expectations and achievement winners will be post-
® their rewards, and those
ed along with
We aren’t just creators, we’re also who place lowest will be notified so that
players. In keeping with that, we want they have a chance to up their rankings
to guarantee that our employees never before performance review time. Pre-
lose touch with the games that we cre- vious rewards have included Falcon
ate, so we have a new spin on evalua- automobiles, vacations to Thailand, and
tions and employee reviews. A manda- exclusive Eden Online cosmetic items —
tory requirement for all our employees all guaranteed to make you the envy of
is participation in our company-wide your co-workers. The prizes are secret
tournament evaluation project. Going until the results are made available. That
hand-in-hand with your work evalu- way, you have to give your best each
ation, each employee at Tellus partici- and every time. No slacking!
pates in tournament brackets, measur-
ing your familiarity and ability with our You must spend 10% of your con-
games. While both Biological Warfare tracted hours each week on the tour-
and Eden Online are staple games, each nament brackets, no matter your other
AAA release features in the tournament responsibilities. This incentivizes good
89
time management and reinforces our ings, and many carry commensurate
identity as gamers. If you can’t meet rewards to placing high in the brackets.
the punishing deadlines involved in While the eventual
shipping a new game or content pack
while giving over just one afternoon to Remember that your activities reflect
playing our games, ask yourself if you on us all. Report any negative attention
really deserve to be here. At Tellus, we associated with your role at Tellus to
don’t have time for fake gamers. your HR representative, who can then
work with you to best resolve your sit-
Employees are also reviewed on the uation. Doing so will levy a penalty to
level of commitment and attention they your tournament rankings, but that’s
bring to their work. Whether that’s only to be expected; what you get up to
discovering particularly creative new in the real world reflects on how you do
ways to kill people for inclusion in Bi- in the game. If you mess up, it’s on you
ological Warfare, arranging a partner- to both work and play your way out of
ship with a fashion house to bring their the hole.
latest couture to the Clones, or running
a GM-led encounter in Eden Online Employee Benefit Package
while successfully completing a code While you’ll spend many hours
sprint, we recognize all contributions. working hard here at Tellus, our avail-
All of them provide protection from the able benefits package more than com-
consequence of low tournament rank-
90
Tellus’ use of “family activity packa ges” has been succe ssful
tellus enterprises
as a means of indoctrinating employees’ loved ones into the
mysteries of the Trinity. While it is a slow project, it results in the
employee coming home and receiving the message of conversion
from family so that the company itself does not need to push the
matter.
The sad fate of the Pleasant Lake group should not serve as
a reason to stop the program. While the introduction of Black
Spiral Dancer Kinfolk was an intere sting plan, it was only a
matter of time before their encouragement to infidelity to spread
their tainted line attracted the lycanthropes’ attention. Patience
is a watchword.
Zettler
pensates our employees for the extra you to get your family involved, and
time and effort you spend crafting our introduce them to the myriad opportu-
products. Tellus provides our employ- nities to share what you do now with
ees with full medical, dental, and vision those you care about. Imagine the joy on
care through our hand-selected net- their faces when they get a chance to sit
work of physicians. Our key partner- down and explore a game you helped
ship with Magadon Pharmaceuticals to create. Entry-level employees are
means that you will always have access encouraged to explore and try out these
to the finest medications, supplements, programs. Management and higher
and stimulants, not just for personal positions have a minimum required at-
use, but for your family as well. We tendance rate; details are available from
have deals with a number of therapists your HR representative.
who specialize in stress and relation-
ship counseling that we offer to your For those®of our employees with chil-
family to ensure that your home life is dren, we want you to know that we un-
serene and relaxing without having to derstand that it can be rough balancing
deal with complaints of long hours or family life and work. We want to help,
lack of attention. so we provide a full-service daycare fa-
cility. Inside you’ll find a friendly staff
Just as you are now a part of the Tel- that is happy to be both caregiver and
lus family, we want to be a part of yours educator. We have plenty of comput-
as well. We sponsor a wide variety of ers set up to give children educational
groups, clubs, and activities for signif- activities to do while they are with us,
icant others of our employees. When as well as snacks and meals to give you
work is busy we know that you want to plenty of time to work without having
make sure that your family isn’t miss- to worry. Our staff is also fully trained
ing you too badly, so we help them get in handling discipline issues that may
together and have fun, knowing their arise so you have obedient and com-
loved ones are working hard to provide plaint children when you finally get
for them. We also want to encourage home.
91
Dragon’s-Wrath really needs to do something to rein these idiots in.
PENTEX EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK 2017 EDITION
ed
I had to step in when I saw plans for this year’s picnic had requisition
actual
some “special use” items, including corrosive paintballs, tear gas, and
games,
mutagens. I know that Tellus likes to push hard on the realism of its t it
ugh
but slaughtering half your employees is so bone-headed I honestly tho
was a plot by our competitors.
or
I don’t know if Riegel’s picking up the bad habits of his subordinates
ence,
his proximity to Bane-integrated video games is sapping his intellig
but it needs to stop.
K. Mollett
As part of our commitment to caring portal with real-time updates. Bio-
for your family, your children can also logical Warfare participants who find
get in on the action here at Tellus! Our themselves scoring poorly are invited
daycare facility includes computers to work out in the company gym in or-
that are fully-equipped to run Biologi- der to improve their physical condition
cal Warfare, Eden Online, and Clones. for the company picnic.
While waiting for you, your children
can actually be a part of the game, The company picnic is legendary
gathering resources and items in-game among our staff as a chance to spend
that can be sold through our game’s mi- time with both family and colleagues
crotransaction economy for real-world in a relaxed environment. We lay on a
money. Then, they can spend their great spread to get everyone ready for
earnings on acquiring new in-game a range of ®team-building and trust-en-
items at a generous discount. Best of all, forcing exercises, culminating with a
Tellus gives you a portion of your chil- live-action Biological Warfare death-
dren’s proceeds directly to your pay- match! While previously we have used
check. All activities of this nature are Avalon foam-dart weapons, last year’s
labeled under your ID number as well, event got more realistic than ever as we
so you don’t need to worry about filling turned the game into a paintball free-
out any paperwork for your children’s for-all. Employees who ranked high in
contribution. Better yet, your family’s the tournament brackets got first choice
achievement in our games can contrib- of weapons, and a number of special
ute to your rankings in the tournament goodies not available to most people,
brackets. It’s a win-win! including “mutation grenades” that left
some people choking with laughter and
If at any time you wish to review your others with humorously-colored skin
standings in the tournament brackets, for weeks after. It goes to show that if
please remember that they are acces- you get ahead in the game, you’ll get
sible through the company’s intranet ahead in life.
92
Closing
standing the expectations of our players
tellus enterprises
and then going beyond them. Just as we
We hope that this overview of life learn from our players, we hope to also
here at Tellus has given you a better be an example to them. We all share
understanding of our company goals. something important: we’re gamers to
We are a company committed to under- the core.
93
®
Credits
Interior Art: Steve Ellis with Tomek Tworek, Aaron Acevedo, Borja Puig Lin-
ares, and John Bridges
The mention of or reference to any company or product in these pages is not a challenge to the trademark or
copyright concerned.
This book uses the supernatural for settings, characters and themes. All mystical and supernatural elements are
fiction and intended for entertainment purposes only. This book contains mature content. Reader discretion is
advised.
95
POLICIES AND PROCEDURES
The Pentex Employee Indoctrination Handbook is the gold-standard
corporate guidebook for employees of the world’s finest multi-na-
tional corporation and many of their subsidiary companies. This vol-
ume contains the main Pentex handbook, along with the Guide to
Werewolves, and this year’s round of updated corporate handbooks
for our subsidiaries.
MONKEYWRENCHED!
lete with
This is the unredacted version, rep
a lot to get
notes from the higher-ups! It took
nce to go
this information out, so it’s had a cha
ds before
through some monkeywrenchers’ han
going to you. Make good use of it!
• A guide to working for Pentex itself, along with the Guide to Were-
wolves given to certain staff.