®

110
J
PA AM
C
ZA KED
PA
NY
GE
S!!

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 ®

Credits
Interior Artists: Jolly Blackburn, Steven Cummings, Brendon Fraim,
Brian Fraim, Mark Kidwell, Ed Northcott, George Vrbanic, Jim Wampler
Production Manager: Jolly R. Blackburn & Barbara Blackburn
Questions, Comments, Product Orders? Phone: (847) 508-2317
Kenzer and Company Fax: What the hell is a Fax...? How many hitpoints?
808 Endicott Rd., Email: Jollybgood@me.com
Highwood, IL 60040 Visit our website: www.kenzerco.com
© Copyright 2020 Kenzer and Company. All Rights Reserved.
Knights of the Dinner Table and HackMaster are registered trademarks of Kenzer and Company.
 DEFEATING THE QUARANTINE BLUES...
I
don’t know about you, but, since I’ve been in self-
isolation, I’ve been looking for ways to fill my time.
One of those ways has been coloring.
Here at Kenzer and Company, we thought of a way that
we could help people pass the time in quarantine KODT-
style.
Through the years, we have worked with so many super
fantastic artists who have agreed to share their work here
with you. This has been a labor of love from a lot of peo-
ple, because when we can’t be together in person with
you, we at least want to reach out in some tangible way
and let you know that we care. We hope you stay safe. We
hope you stay well, and we hope you enjoy spending time
with the line art and activities provided here. May it help
your days be just a little bit brighter.
Thank you, to these talented artists for allowing us to
share with all of those who enjoy KODT art and coloring.
Thank you to the D-Team for their enthusiasm in making
it a free product so that everyone can enjoy it.
I cannot wait to get out my pencils, markers and gel
pens to begin adding some color to this cool art. I’ve
always been into coloring, since the first time my mom
colored with me as a child. It’s a great activity to do
together with someone you love. This book also gives you
4
another way to get your gaming fix, in a relaxing way.
So, color your blues away and take a break from the
world for awhile. We will get through this, hopefully with
all of our hit points, sanity and humor in tact.
Until we meet again face to face around a gaming table,
may these pages send you a virtual hug, smile and laugh
from us to you.
May all your hits be crits, and may we all get beaucoup
experience points from this entire long adventure. From
Dave Kenzer, Jolly, Brian Jelke, and myself, best wishes
and happy coloring!
(PS - our artists are also struggling through tough eco-
nomic times right now, so if you see an ad from one, or
you get the hankering for some new art for your walls at
home, consider purchasing something from them.
Thanks.)
Barbara Blackburn
April something or other, 2020
5
6
STUMPED...?!! what do
you want...? PITY??
9
10
By Steven Cummings
When the Sheet Hits the Fan* by jolly blackburn

THE FELTON RESIDENCE: it’s what’s the

THURSDAY NIGHT and the KNIGHTS HOLD UP, bob? WOW — \
have gathered together to still can’t
we’re ready
TOSS DICE and face anything and believe
to start.
everything the GAMEMASTER it, dude — one of us
can THROW at them.
FINALLY made
it — THIRD
for the past few months, B.A.
LEVEL!
has been running a fast and
furious, HACKNOIA CAMPAIGN. yeah, yeah -
hold your
tonight is a HISTORICAL NIGHT — horses.
for one of the PLAYERS has FINALLY
broken the “CEILING OF DEATH” and \’m just amen — you
has SURVIVED to see THIRD LEVEL. FINISHING should be
up here. PROUD, bob.
the FIRST at the table to do so...

\ can HARDLY yeah —\ thought SURE he

believe it myself —
LUGAR KRINGE THE III
nearly BOUGHT IT a
dozen times over.
\ KNEW he
was a KEEPER.
was a GONER when VINCE ONE in a THOUSAND apparently. \ KNEW HUMLEY
HUMLEY threw that was playin’
GRENADE at him last week. LUGAR has CERTAINLY had BOTH SIDES.
a STREAK of GOOD LUCK.
| CALLED IT...
dude FUMBLED and tossed a
DUD — what’re the ODDS?
REMEMBER?

-s
c
-s ribb
cr
ibb le-
le-

“LUCK”...?!! luck didn’t have anything

well c’mon, dude — \’m ITCHIN’ to play.
to do with it — LUGAR earned every
E-PEE he’s SCRATCHED AND CLAWED for.
with a little luck \ might make it to THIRD LEVEL
myself — \ just need a few hundred points.
the man spent sorry - \
FIVE WEEKS in a wasn’t tryin’ \’m almost done —
HOSPITAL clingin’ to take any- um. new sheet?
you sayin’ \ just have to
to LIFE after a thing away
he DIDN’T? TRANSFER my
HEAD SHOT, sara. from him, bob. WEAPONS and
personal items
to the new sheet.

* The next 11 pages of strips were slated for the Men That Hack trade paperback which was just
released. Ultimately, I went over the alloted page count and this material was pulled. It
stands well as a one-off however and is presented here. Enjoy! — Jolly
 yeah —\ picked his OLD SHEET was
up one of those whoah - whoah WHOAH — bob...?!! all GRUBBED UP.
PREMIUM hacknoia
CHARACTER DOSSIERS am \ to understand you just TRANSFERRED your
down at pete’s shop. character to a NEW SHEET...? please tell me you didn’t. besides — \ picked
up a SLEW of
new skills
you know — oh - bad when \ LEVELED.
to CELEBRATE. yeah. so...? idea, bob. dude -
what
what’s the uht oh... a VERY the HELL \ needed more room.
LUGAR BIG deal? bad idea. were you
earned it. THINKIN’?

“what’s the BIG DEAL”...?!!! sorry, bob — it’s the same regardless
of GENRE. some things you don’t do.
bob — you just signed oh — that
lugar’s DEATH WARRANT — old rule yep. same as
PAINTIN’
seriously...? you NEVER transfer that’s only up a mini
to a NEW sheet...! EVER! FANTASY RPGS. it is considered SPECIAL —
says
who...? bad practice. to represent
it doesn’t apply your character.
to MODERN ERA.
it’s the KISS
yer just INVITING
OF DEATH. fate to SCREW with ya.

PALEEZE - that’s just

an old TABLE TALE. alright guys — whatta ya say we get things rolling..?

something GROGNARDS
love to go on and on about.
the ADMINISTRATOR has an IMPORTANT okay. your funeral.
follow-up mission for you to tackle.
we all LIVE and
LUGAR’S special. DIE by the DICE.
let’s do it.
it’s going frickin’ A. just saying.
he deserves a
to be a \’m ready.
sheet worthy of
lonG night.
CHRONICLING
his LEGACY.

^ “\ thought this game was called hackmaster not ‘let’s

see-how-we-can-get-out-of-a-cesspool master.’”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #38, Overcoming Disabilities

15
Bargain Bin Skills* by steve johansson
and jolly blackburn

LATER THAT SAME NIGHT...

darn — \ TUCK and bob — you FIRE and the
TUMBLE and take AGENT quickly ducks.
SARA — you cover behind the
attempt to LEAP WATER COOLER!
over the service FIVE OR SIX
counter and THREE shots strike the
shots are CABINET — but
fired at you. the FAT FOLDERS
filled with
BUREAUCRATIC
they were WILD stay down, RED TAPE and
and UNAIMED — sara. \’ll forms prevent
but one RICOCHETS give ya some them from
off a ROLODEX — COVER FIRE.
b.a. \ EMPTY a PENETRATING.
you’re hit for TWO
points by PLASTIC magazine at the
SHARDS. GOON hunkered
behind the FILING
CABINETS!!

unfortunately for YOU — AGENT HUMLEY has CIRCLED around

on you —through the SUPPLY CLOSET and LEAPS out at you. FRICK — where the HELL
did this GUY come from...?
HUMLEY...¿¡¡ that RAT BASTARD OOOOO —
“GOING TO MAKE COPIES” MY ASS. GET ‘IM \ thought
BOB!! you had EYES HELLO — \ got
slappin’ in another CLIP and LIGHTING HIM UP! on the WAYLAID by the
HALLWAY...? CLEANING WOMAN.

sorry —

he’s too
CLOSE
and TOO
fast.

this MISSION is a BUST, guys. \ knew this PLAN wouldn’t work.

she tried to GARROT me
with a pair of PANTY HOSE.
ended up in a
KNIFE FIGHT.
\ STRONGLY advise we WITHDRAW before its too late.
yeah — if that um yeah. that CLEANING
hey - POSING as a CLEANING LADY LADY caught you ROCKING
VINYL SIDING SALES hadn’t STUCK her the VENDING MACHINES —
TEAM was a GREAT idea. nose into things trying to SHAKE LOOSE
— we would’ve a bag of FUNYUNS.
PULLED it off.
CRITS HAPPEN —
that’s all.
WITHDRAW...?!!

* This strip is a reimagined/expanded version of a two page strip written by Steve Johansson
which appeared in KODT #89. While giving it the ‘treatment’ for inclusion in the Men That Hack
trade paper back it took on a life of its own. The following two strips are the result. —
Jolly
 oh no — NO WAY! not on MY WATCH. bob — AGENT HUMLEY is on you like
a BRUISE on MIKE TYSON’S face.
\ PROMISED the ADMINISTRATOR we’d take out the
MAIN COM LINK on this facility — and \ AIM to do it. he CLOCKS you with a RIGHT for
SIX POINTS of CONTUSION DAMAGE.
hey — \ FED that brian — if we’re
CAPTURED — we they don’t hand oh - okay.
machine a BUCK FIFTY out E-PEES or a satisfied
in CANADIAN NICKLES EXPOSE the
ENTIRE agency. story awards SMILE so he wants to
for RUNNIN’ sweeps his go OLD SCHOOL,
- it ripped me off. away, agent dawn. dimpled does he...?

FINE! \’ll
punch that
ticket.

oh wow — kewl beans, dude. the COSTS per move

were INSANELY low...
it just so hell yeah — lay some MARTIAL
happens \ have a ARTS SMACK DOWN on this guy. \ grabbed a BUTTLOAD
MASTERY in TAI CHI. of ‘em. check it out.
98%
um... “TAI CHI” you say? PERCENT? parting the horse’s
mane, repel the monkey,
yep - to the oh this cloud hands left and right,
heh - \’m tune of 98%. guy is step up to seven stars,
about to TOAST. bend bow to shoot the
KICK this \ took ALL kinds of tiger, grab the bird’s tail...
guy’s ass. MOVES when \ LEVELED up.

“REPEL THE how the HELL did you AFFORD ‘em all...? oh, um — well okay, bob.
MONKEY”...?
after buying CRACK SHOT when \ made 2nd LEVEL
— \ was suckin’ fumes on BUILDING POINTS.
damn — this should prove
that DOES tai chi...? oh but, bob. VERY interesting.
sound wicked. that’s just it. the
MOVES were only
tai chi isn’t a.... note to
1-2 points per.
self — next
sara - hush.
heh - \’m character
\ BLEW 25 points and this will be lookin’ take TAI CHI.
GRABBED ‘em all. HILARIOUS. FORWARD
to this.

e
bl
rib le
sc ribb
sc

^ “ummmm… they made the BIBLE into a HACKMASTER SUPPLEMENT?”

s —B.A. Felton, KODT Issue #78, You Say it’s your Birthday…

17
 dude - look at B.A.’s face — HAAA — he’s so RATTLED. TAI CHI is an ANCIENT
MEDITATIVE ART — not something
he TOTALLY didn’t see it coming! out of a JACKIE CHAN movie.

it just so happens, b.a. isn’t the ONLY what are you

HUMLEY is a BLACK one who didn’t see TALKIN’ about?
TRAITOR has
BELT in TAEKWONDO it comin’. -snicker-
this comin’.
‘fraid
guess we’ll see everyone not, guys.
it’s a
how he STACKS up my money’s knows
bob... COMBAT
against your skills. on bob! THAT, sara.
aaah - SKILL!
wait... don’t spoil
whatever. isn’t it, sara.
gonna save im.

its ORIGINS may be rooted huh...? just a SIMPLE meditative

in the MARTIAL ARTS but it’s what about “BEND move designed to release
best known for its HEALTH BOW TO SHOOT energy, guys. sorry.
BENEFITS and reducing STRESS. THE TIGER”...?
a-are you
SCREWIN’ \ took a TAI
with me...? that sounds CHI class in
BAD ASS. HIGH SCHOOL.
granted —you sara’s
might LOOK right, bob.
good doing
it — but \’m
afraid you
won’t be
dealing out a
lot of damage.

this BLOWS.
not going to be much use in HAND TO
HAND. see...? — this is what happens no wonder
are you frickin’ \ marked
when you don’t pay ATTENTION those classes
KIDDING ME...? off RAP
spending your BUILDING POINTS. at the “Y” are
BRAWLING
and STREET filled with
CRED to take OLD PEOPLE.
the COST should’ve
been a TIP OFF. these MOVES.

it’s ONE-TENTH the

B-PEE BUILD to
learn as KARATE.

^ “PIN WORMS MY ASS! those little BASTARDS ate a HOLE through my SMALL INTESTINE and
KILLED four HENCHMEN before dave was able to DOUSE them with FLAMING OIL and TORCH them.”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #41, One-Two Punches

18
 HUMLEY grins a DEVILISH GRIN as he unbuttons
YO - stop right there. | GOT
his suit jacket and drops it to the ground.
THIS — you hear? stay out of it.

eh — pay it no mind, dude. he’s just

tryin’ to SCREW with your head. what the hell’s good call, bob.
WRONG with you?
loosening his TIE
and untucking his STALL FOR TIME. once \ backin’ down from
\’m no SLOUCH!! a mano-y-mano
shirt he SQUARES LOW CRAWL a few feet, \
off with you. can get a BEAD on this CLOWN. engagement is
\’ve got a a -7 HONOR hit.
SIXTEEN
strength
do \ look and a 15 dex sorry.
my BAD. you don’t want
SCARED? after all. that ANCHOR.

maybe this guy okay, b.a. — \ do some POSTURING as well.

doesn’t know
what TAI CHI is. the whole LOOSENING the tie routine. the CRIT-EATING GRIN.

\’m gonna BLUFF ‘im. \ shrug off his punch and say, “THAT ALL YOU GOT, PUFFED WHEAT”...?!!

execute a series
then \, um, \ do that “PARTING the HORSE’S that should \ should
of moves to show
MANE” thing - and \ throw in a couple of make an say so.
him how SPRY
“HAND STRUM OF THE LUTE” moves. IMPRESSION.
on my feet \ am.

oh. okay.

three rounds later…

HUMLEY’s kick sends you backwards — you FLIP over the COUNTER and
SMASH head first into a MAGAZINE RACK. copies of NEWSWEEK, VOGUE,
GQ and SUBSCRIPTION INSERTS go sliding across the FLOOR along with you. tai chi
NOT useful...
that’s good
dude - don’t do that hmmm — interesting mix to know.
at the SAME time you are
“STEP BACK AND RIDE of TAEKWONDO and
BEANED in the back of
THE TIGER move again DIRTY FIGHTING humley
the SKULL with a HURLED
— it REALLY seems has going on there.
paper weight used as
an IMPROVISED WEAPON. to PISS him off.

so my PANDA
YAWNS move
had no EFFECT? ch
-
at e-
cr
-s eras
-

^ “well, when FIRE BLOSSOM first joined the group STEVIL wasn’t too FOND of her. he dipped her
in HONEY while she was sleeping and tossed her on a FIRE ANT HILL! \ barely escaped with my life!”
—Gordo Sheckberry, KODT Issue #41, One-Two Punches

19
The Crack Shot by steve johansson
and jolly blackburn

several rounds later still...

the AGILE agent does a HANDSPRING over the desk delivering an EXPERT double-kneed
DROP KICK on your spine. the IMPACT smashes your FACE into the TILED floor chipping a t0oth.

GAAAA...¡¡¡ damn - he’s this is BRUTAL. poor

HUMLEY then falls back \-\ try to BEATING you like bob. he hasn’t gotten
into a READIED position RETRIEVE my a RED HEADED a SINGLE blow in.
step child, dude. yeah - this is
and MOTIONS for you BELT BUCKLE
tough to watch.
to get on your feet. KNIFE again!
hey — you got
any more of
those MINTS?

a bit later... HUMLEY sweeps your knee, bob — you go

DOWN and he’s on you like a CAT on a MOUSE.
HUMLEY savagely grabs your right hand
and violently WRENCHES it backwards he executes a series of RABBIT-JABS to your THROAT!
SNAPPING YOUR WRIST as you DROP the knife. dude — say
sara — you the word!
darn — \
at the same time try makin’ it
\-\ COUNTER with DIVE for cover!
he brings his across the \’m in
“SNAKE CREEPS DOWN
KNEE down with room and position to
LEFT” and “WHITE CRANE
a CRASHING BLOW immediately execute a
SPREADS ITS WINGS”...! dammit. \ can’t
into the SMALL of draw fire. MERCY SHOT!
watch anymore.
your already
BRUISED back. -firp- “cloud
hands going left” — we’ve got
“CLOUD HANDS to INTERVENE.
GOING LEFT”...!!!

fun’s fun but any more of this ABUSE

and LUGAR won’t be MISSION CAPABLE. but \ have PARTIAL
LINE OF SIGHT — \’m
we NEED his SECURITY ENGINEERING gonna take a CHANCE —
skills to take out that DISH.
and FIRE INTO MELEE.
WHOAH — WHAT...?!!!
FIRE INTO MELEE..?!!!
are you NUTS...?!!

if you mean he’ll be DEAD,

\ agree — but what can we well - that NEVER
do? we’re all PINNED down. goes well, dude.
it goes
against
my RULE...

^ “no! after WITNESSING you getting your BUTT kicked by a bunch of GNOMES and then CROAKING
after drinking a GUT BRUISER he didn’t think you’d have the SAND to challenge him to a fight.”
—B.A. Felton, KODT Issue #46, Erik of the Twelve Scars
 you’ll hit ME — you hear? this isn’t the CRAP SHOOT you think it is —
there are a few MODIFIERS \ can STACK.
don’t do it, BIG GUY — \’m tellin’ ya.
first off — the contrast between
but, dude — he’s our MATTE BLACK AGENCY ISSUE
MOPPIN’ the FLOOR bob — we need
SUITS and this guy’s WHITE SHIRT...
with your FACE! to PULL OUT.
that’s gotta be worth a +1 — EASY.
look — \ only need and we can’t
ONE lucky punch. leave you behind.
AND — \’m lying PRONE under a desk — now
sure —
besides — it’s nobody’s firing from a PRONE POSITION is another +2.
but your
NON LETHAL damage. DIGNITY pullin’ out.
also, \’m what...? 30 - 40 feet away? that’s still
won’t.
\ can now hear CLOSE RANGE — so no NEGATIVE modifiers there.
SURVIVE this. me out, bob.

sure — FUMBLES HAPPEN. um — minus FOUR -sputter-

\’ll grant you that. for firing into a HAND-
that’s ALWAYS a risk on the table. TO-HAND BRAWL, brian. TOO THIN, BRIAN.

but — with my MARKSMANSHIP score? or did you FORGET that? TOO THIN!!
\ should have an OVERALL +4.
so it’s don’t RISK
a WASH. it — you
yer not
HEAR ME?
\ don’t HELPING, sara.
see how \
can MISS.
LUGAR ain’t
goin’ out
like that.

he’s come
too far.

okay hot shot — while you’ve been chewin’ the fat \’m in a GOOD POSITION now —
with your fellow agents — \’m just gonna ASSUME
you’re just STANDING THERE not DEFENDING yourself. \’m PINNED down but \
can SQUEEZE OFF a shot.

GRRRUUP — \ execute no, dave.

HUMLEY ratchets “GRASP THE BIRD’S TAIL”...!! no — not you.
for the
your ARM behind hey —
your back followed by “CARRY LAST time - \ mean
and TWISTS it. THE TIGER OVER DUDE... at HUMLEY.
THE MOUNTAIN”...!! \ don’t want a
MERCY shot.
make a
SAVE to
see if you
PASS out
from the
excruciating
pain.

^ “uh huh -- what’d \ TELL you MORONS. the BIG GUY has more ANGLES than a THIRTY SIDER.”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #121, One Binder to Rue Them All…

21
 indeed. the +1
you’re forgettin’ — twenty feet is what — POINT BLANK? for CONTRAST.

\’m a CRACK SHOT. whadda

and that OTHER and a +1 if you
ya know.
stuff brian BRACE yer gun.
\’d get mentioned... - dave may
yeah — hey. holy moly.
a +4 just be on to
for that. \’d be able to something.
that’d be a an over all
STACK some of
+2 right there. +4 after the
THOSE \ bet.
hit for firing
and \’m into melee.
CLOSER
than the
BIG GUY.

do it dave. h-hold on...

dude - \ GOT this. the ODDS are
\-\ REALLY don’t pretty good, bob.
TAKE THE why are we
feel comfortable my dice have been TALKING? he has
SHOT!!!
about this... on FIRE tonight. no SAY in this.
70% or better.
maybe if you DAVE - TAKE
\ FEEL it.
LAYED prone - THE SHOT!!!!
get that EXTRA +1...

GEEZUS — enough with it MISSES — but it’s CLEAR someone is tryin’ to FLUSH you out.
the META GAMING, guys.
sara — you notice a string of SHADOWS racing back lit by
the WINDOWS in the CONFERENCE ROOM — it would APPEAR
the CLOCK’S been reinforcements have ARRIVED and they are TAKING position.
tickin’ this ENTIRE time.
bob, as you try to CRAWL AWAY, humley GRABS you
by your ANKLES to DRAG you back —but they are damn —
SLICK with your OWN blood and he loses his grip.
dave — things are
someone REALLY
in ANGER he ELBOW SMASHES now that was just
takes a lookin’ GRIM.
you in the BACK of the CALF. GRATUITOUS of him.
SHOT at you.

dick!

^ “guys?? PA-LEEZE!!! it was just a ‘CURIOUS glance!’ don’t you think you’re OVERREACTING
a WEE BIT? this is a TAVERN - not the BROOD CHAMBER of a SWACK IRON DRAGON!”
—Sara Felton, KODT Issue #46, Hack and Roll All Night

22
 -sigh- so you say you’d be just be careful — ‘kay..? you got that right.
pullin’ a +4 on that shot..?
and yer paying the DRY \ got charged $156.22 for
you’re sure about the MATH? “excessive wear” when \
CLEANING BILL if \ end up with
POWDER RESIDUE on my suit. turned in my BULLET-PROOF
brian confirmed it. VEST after the last op.
\ can DO this, dude.. those guys in SUPPLY are
FRICKIN’ ANAL when it comes we’ll TRY and draw
well - okay. to turning in equipment. fire from you, dave.
go ahead and now yer talkin’.
GOOD LUCK!
TAKE it \ guess. you got
it, man.

okay, dave — the two of \’m doin’ a KIRK SHOULDER roll from behind the POTTED
‘em are MIXING it up PLANT to the LOUNGE CHAIR —— just to HEDGE my bet.
pretty good. BOB is then \ POP UP resting on ONE KNEE
being thrown around
like a RAG DOLL.
BRACING my weapon on the BACK of the chair.
but they are laying down
CLEARLY in some covering
your FIELD okay — make it dude - \’m a fire here!
of view count, CRACK SHOT.
from your go ahead dave.
VANTAGE point. and ROLL.

frickin’ A. KA-BOOM¡¡¡ -KA-CHUNK-

pumpin’
off THREE KA-BOOM¡¡ — TAKE THAT HUMLEY¡¡ -KA-CHUNK-
SHOTS HERE.

g
KA_BOOM¡¡¡
g z

^ “good job, bob. sorry \ wasn’t THERE for ya. if that frickin’ LEMUR hadn’t
SHOVED me into that SPIKED PIT, \ would’ve had your BACK covered for sure.”
—Dave Bozwell, KODT Issue #48, Got You Under My Spell

23
 d-dude — WHAT THE S-SHOT GUN...¿¡¡¡
FRICK WAS THAT...?!!
it’s RIGGED with a SCRATCH
BUILT modified, trigger housing.
y-you just
huh...? oh — my BENELLI fired a an INNER-THIGH MASTER
SUPER 90 PUMP-ACTION SCATTER- WHAT quick release holster and
SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN. GUN...? THE SAM tricked out with a PISTOL GRIP.
FRICK...¿¡¡
into
-sputter- uh oh. MOP UP
MELEE...?!! sweet
in AISLE 3!!
geezus...

-s
h
-s ook
ho
ok a-
a-

several damage rolls later...

bob six more pellets of BUCKSHOT tear through

HAAA! check it
your torso — causing SEVERAL MORTAL WOUNDS
out — \ rolled
an EIGHTEEN!
a RUPTURED AORTA, a collapsed
LUNG, a PERFORATED LEFT VENTRICLE…
SWEET..¡¡

one pellet hits you in the RIGHT EYE.

TWO strike you in the LARYNX...

moments later...
see..? NEVER
transfer a
damn — he ALMOST character to
made it to the door... a NEW sheet.
he PAUSED a
BOB took him down SECOND too long
with a FLYING TACKLE. FUMBLING for you’re just
his car keys. asking for trouble.

-FINIS-

Note — in the original two page strip it was Brian who fired a scatter gun at Bob. As the
‘editor’s cut’ unfolded the story expanded it struck me that Dave was probably more likely to
pull such a blunder. So I changed it up. Of course — it could have been written off as Brian
just being a dick. — Jolly

24
 I’m the
worried wizard!
Please save my
hoard from the
nasty thief!

You’ve got to
make fewer than three
wrong turns to get to
the treasure and get
out again before
he gets to it! OUT

IN

Yeah, Baby!
All that tasty loot!
I can see it now...
25
27
POWER GAMER MODE: SOLVE IT WHILE LOOKING IN A MIRROR!!

30
By Steven Cummings
 NEFARIAN WORDFIND
Find all the Nefarian names listed below! Answers are on page 31.

A E T N A H P E L L E H D V I S S U E D O M S A
H N E F G J J V E E V U C O J E C I S O O U P W
M A T I A N O B B W I A E O F N R U A E P S I A
O F G H Y O G B H I L K C L D U I R T S C S T O
E E E I R R S Q F B Y H H T D S S R A H E G E W
D L D A H A C W S D N B E L E R N H N N A A D S
H A T L K H X D K Q N N M K M E A V N E Y R E O
B M K D J C G U O X V I O A O N F F Y W U R H R
S Y M I Q A R S S B H J N K G O R I U I T A I K
E R U M E L S O H T O F G N O W G D S R F N T B
A H C U S O E N B T E D A N R U S S U T U G H A
A O C S P H T E I E H R E E G S I L K A F E X N
N S W I E C O I Q S L E N N O F P M N S A E A M
U O T N U Y R T P J D A V U N V I B P O S Z L H
P Q O A R A A R N I N D K W E E C R U V T E Y E
E T A T D U O N Q L P O K U E Z O R E O D R D W
N I H H R L R K E U N Y M I F D E E I G A V Y S
U R A R N R A A M D A A L V S S U R G R A G A S
N S A A D C F O R U H S D N R I V M K O P A B E
N A N A X X A A N M C I I V Z S T N N O G H D R
D R U K C L F U T U M M K T H T M U R G A N A T
S A L O S I P K S X R A A N L L K Z K A H T A N
T E N O T D R A A V E S O B H T U M P L E P R A
O H Y I B U E W S O W N W S M Y T N U G M O G H
W N R K K E D K B S E L A W I E P B Z P E M R C
I R U A S B A I S A C J I Y M O N C I T J E U N
H T H R A I T N B A U R G T H T A E D Y N O B E
I E M I A R O T Y R N W O S O S S R W T E Q Y K
G R W N U C R S J K N D K U R T G E N S T S H R
R N Y R B Z W M P U R D O D D A X E F I U X T A
A E N E F A R Y N K O I U Q L U E M K C M S H D
A E N G N X G A S J E A T I I R R W C O L T W M
G T P N A S U V L X E K H P N T S U Y R L A I X
Y N Y I R T I N A L W K V N G I B O W U A I R O
N R J B X E M I R J A N O X T U Y H P R S N W O
A O T R N T G Y T T F I L J S R W U S N W G W Q
T S J A R I U E H X N L N O G R U O M X A A R B
E T W H O L A D N A Y Z Q V U A T R Q O N U E S

ANGNARL EVILYNN
ANTHRAXUS GARGRUSS VLAAD- MURGAN
ASMODEUS MAAR NATHRAAK
ATANNYUS GARRANGEEZE NEFARYN
BRAAX MOURGON GRAAGYN PREDATOR
BURGRAAD BAYDYLAX HARBINGER QUASIT
CHARON HELLEPHANT SCROUD
DARK ENCHANTRESS HORDLING SUCCUBUS
DEMOGORGON IMP TAURRAAD
DEYIN VAY KALEB THRAAR
DIAKK KRAAS UTHBOS EVAAR
DREAD LEMURE ZYANDAL
EBONY DEATH MALEFANE

34
35
By Steven Cummings
38
why the puzzled look...?
DIG DEEP, CUPCAKE!!!

39
 Draw in the
face of your
male elf cleric
or fighter.
For the
guys this
time!
By Steven Cummings
POWER GAMER MODE: SOLVE IT WHILE LOOKING IN A MIRROR!!
By Steven Cummings
POWER GAMER MODE: SOLVE IT WHILE LOOKING IN A MIRROR!!

51
 \ did this on in 13.25
minutes — SNOWFLAKE.
think you can beat me?

55
56
57
 STUMPED...?!! what do
you want...? PITY??

58
59
60
 JUST THE BASICS WORDFIND
Find all the HackMaster terms listed below! Answers are on page 31.

Y O D S I L D R A O H L Y R I A F E I X I P A A
S N C I H A I N E S A R W T S A L I N L A V C H
A S S I C A L J E O M D R A B B R E L R D H Y O
T A N H A E R T D F F A U D Y R A U L L A I H C
N M S E N W O R R A M D Y B A D S N A R R M A O
A R I P M M A E O V A L E H T I Y F A F K U B E
F A D N A W D I W R O E C R O E Y C A L K S E D
I L L A P W U L S L N I L N I W T O A L N I E I
S R S M R E J O T T S H I A R E A M S D I E R U
O N H A N I N G N A D S N E R N A E O A G R F G
D K U A L C U C A K T H S U E D A L N J H Z I L
I H A C H R H I I S A T I A Y N S I O N T B A B
P E P G S A L E R L G N A E A V I N F N O L R A
I N K N R E W I A N B N Y I L N F E E S R E E Y
L C E I C N O Z B Y G X C R P E D S N A X D I T
I H S L P O N A R T N R I M E I N S N E V E L R
E M L F L R R G A A O A E R W E H T D N A L A E
A A C L E D P A B L M S S E N R E D L I W I V C
M N F A R U A A C T E S K N Y C R C O K P E A R
M S Y H S U P X P E S T I N T E L L I G E N C E
N F R A W D O T L E U H L S I S O A R S A I P S
O M M E O L S P C K R A I M R S E B V O O B L U
I L A E D W R A W K U N O P E U G N I L B H P C
N F I I G L N A E C L R U E T P L T R T A C L I
S R P X N N O S S W E F S D X N H T E M C S O G
S R M I I N L L E P S R L D E S M R G O A H W A
P B O A L Y P P A Z A R K E D E R F N Y N O Y M
A A D C E T S I O O H A Z I Z A G S A N R A E B
R L S T R E N G T H I N O R T C T A R N N A E D
T G I T I W A S T A S T H A O I E R U S A E R T
M U W S H A N D B O O K E H T R T O P M O C S F
D I R S Y H T O Y L U R T U I E T D E C E A P S
M E R W F I G H T E R N T I N L E M B I V S L E
T L S I W E T R E R E I L M S C N I S S A S S A
N A M U H S I N I T O S Y S I Y G G E L C A D Y
O Y L F R I F H X N Q C K C R S L Z L Z I B H S
R E T S N O M O T H R E T S A M E M A G N U D C

ARROW FIGHTER
PENCIL
ASSASSIN GAMEMASTER
PIXIEFAIRY
BARBARIAN GNOME
PLAYER
BARD GUIDE
RANGER
CAVALIER HALFLING
RULES
CAVE HANDBOOK
SHIELD
CHARACTER HENCHMAN
SPELL
CHARISMA HIRELING
STRENGTH
CLERIC HOARD
SWORD
COMELINESS HUMAN
THIEF
CONSTITUTION ILLUSIONIST
TRAP
DARKKNIGHT INTELLIGENCE
TREASURE
DEXTERITY MAGICUSER
WAND
DICE MAP
WAR
DWARF MONSTER
WILDERNESS
ELF ORC
WISDOM
FANTASY PAPER

61
 Need a female elf
cleric or fighter?
Draw in your
character's face and
shield emblem! Then
color her
in- instant
Elf!
64
 GAWDS AND DEMIGAWDS WORDFIND
Find all the Gawds and Demigawds and their spheres listed below! Answers are on page 31.

A H A E L B E N N I D G I N K D A A R K S R H E
M K C K M R A Y N E B Y A S T E M E R S U Y O O
H I N L L O A N R M Y I D W U R H T A E D O F F
A R N A A T O H E P H T S I H C E S A V U T F S
Y S I E R G I A P I O K E B C A I V U L L W A R
R D A R N T N H E R L L I E I T H U C O S I T M
I E P S U G R T E E B N R E H R C T A W T R W T
K R A C Y S I R P T R U E C E L T E M I M E A J
N U E T A R A A H N E A T O J A S H S I L E N M
P T S T O C K E Y C S I S D U N A I V O K R A M
G A C N L E P O L W A U Y O R C L Y E R E H V S
L N I A R H T D N O E S M X A P E I N A L E I M
R I S F R E A T S N S E V A A R Y E G C A T N S
E R H A E O A I S E I M N Y R B A D E N A M G A
K O T S B F M O R E D D E Y R F A N A O N I E W
M M I T S F A C Y E S Y M E A R A A N N N O R T
R E M G R O N F Y R L R B I R S S R C O P M I K
U E S N O Z G K N A W E K E L F L E E H C I M H
A T K R D A R H N A O H J A J S R S I E L E M O
L O C C U E U R S M R C O T U S E A I L N U J N
E M A D N A S N O S R A E D S N A L A A M A P O
Z P L A N Y R E L L N E I M T N I T S Z I R K R
M E B P S N A E C O P R E N I G A J L E A I R A
P G I A E G I E H L L T E B C N E N I M S K A J
O N Y I D E R S O H A C O P E Y K C A H O L E M
T R I E E T E S W A J M A K A D S S A I L I N G
N M G I T R E N I E T S Y S I W A D N A R F A N
A B O Y E L S U E I D R O C N A R F S I G B W A
S R R I A E N C T W S I W T A R H S R A N M I A
I M U N M I L O A E G C A U G G R E B M I A S T
D M C A N O S G E M A J U A N N E E V O L J D A
N L G S H C E A V M I R A N I R E B M I A K O P
I Y N G S L F I W W A O N S N A R O R U E A M A
W L E F B I S M O S S R O L B I Y R R E H H C K
B Y G E E G H B N S R E L M M U N C D N A P U K
A E E U M F E C A E P F U O D H T G N E R T S I
R F A E H T N I S L A W I A G H S N I W D I O O
I L L P A R K R Y U S O T T O C F R E P A R D O

AKNAR FRANCOR DIEUS MARKOVIA STRENGTH

ARNUYA GAMES MARLOG SUMARFAREEN
BENYAR GRAWDYNG MYSTERIES THRAIN
BIRTH GRONFYR NATURE TREACHERY
BLACKSMITHS HEALING NAVINGER VENGEANCE
CUNNING HONOR NUDOR WAR
DEATH IKKA PATAANG OCEANS WIND
DISEASE JUSTICE PARKRYUS WISDOM
DRAPER KAZAAR FREEM PEACE WOLVES
EARTH LOVE SAILING YIDERS
EMPIRE LUVIA SHONA YIGOR
FEEBLE GAWD MANGRUS SKRAAD ZELAUR

65
66
 The monster thinks
he’s unhackable, but
there’s a magical sword
at the center of this
maze that I can use to
frag him. Can you help
get me there?

IN

Stupid Humans!
Always try to kill! Haha
haa!! More than two wrong
turns and I catch you!

69
By Steven Cummings
72
I Believe, I Believe story by joseph trowbridge
and barbara blackburn

T “Tales From the Table” from his own game and Barbara then adapted/scripted it into a strip.
his strip is the Winning Entry our recent “Write Yer Own KODT Strip” contest. Joseph sent in what was essentially a

it appears to be empty -- SAVE for a large

\’m holding onimous looking RED HAND on the floor with
the room an open palm and OUTSTRETCHED fingers.
the TORCH up
looks to be 25
high, patty --
feet by 25 feet anything of
with a high on the FAR wall
INTEREST?
vaulted ceiling... an open archway
leads into
ANOTHER chamber.

this room is warm --

uncomfortably so.

the smell of
sulphur hangs
heavy in the air.

a RED HAND...?
a red hand...? \ don’t think
it’s a GANG
a SEVERED hand...? \ knew a couple’a tag, crutch.
GANGBANGERS in the
PEN who had that TAT. HAND motifs are well it COULD
no silly -- it’s usually associated be a trap.
a CRUDELY painted we’re not they were BAD NEWS! with some sort of
image on the floor. going protective magic or aid. let’s tread
IN are we? easy folks.
about FOUR FEET
across in size.

oh, \ dunno...
he’s right.
coz your the THIEF?!!
hey CRUTCH -- maybe you should hold on.
go in FIRST and check things out.
let me do a
DETECT EVIL
you call me a THIEF one before anyone
more time and we’re goes running in.
me...? why me? gonna go ‘round hoss!
she DID say
\’m a “ROGUE STRYDER”. it looked ‘ominous’.

WHO’S WHO IN PATTY’S PERPETRATORS (AKA PATTY’S PERPS):

1. Patricia “Patty” Gauzweiler 2. Chad Aguilar 3. Reese Haven
4. Leslie “Crutch” Humphries 54. Eddie ”Tank” Ramirez 6. Mona “Mo” Wert 1 2 3 4 5 6

73
 as you stand there QUAKING
actually \ didn’t cast my spell yet, REESE.
from fear, the hand begins to GLOW!

but \’m doing so now.

\ dunno where you got that \’m watching the
“QUAKING FROM FEAR” stuff. ENTRY to that
anything happen, patty?
other CHAMBER
we’re just being really close, pat.
CAUTIOUS is all.

um... does
that
means
it’s
EVIL
then? *

nope -- you don’t maybe you should do a DETECT MAGIC as well.

detect anything, EDDIE.

seems sorta
OBVIOUS, well -- just to be sure.
doesn’t it?
\ wanna know what
but the we’re dealing with.
hand IS
still
glowing.

my word -- you’re CERTAINLY being CAUTIOUS. okay, CRUTCH -- \ ran my

CHECKS -- how ‘bout
yes, eddie -- it DOES appear to be magical in nature. checkin’ for TRAPS before
\ go in to ASSESS things?
the hand now begins to glow with MORE intensity as it \’m not
PULSES -- illuminating the room in a soft criminson glow. liking the
LOOKS of you got it,
okay -- just to yeah, that’s that hand. meatball -- just be
be clear, we are the mistake they careful.
NOT in the room. always make hold TIGHT.
in the
horror movies.

* Reese is Chad’s ‘non-gaming’ fiance whom he has convinced to return to Patty’s table after her first introduction to the group
went badly. See Bundle of Trouble vol. 38: New Blood to see how that went. Also see Bundle of Trouble vol. 29: Coming Clean —
When the group discovers Chad has been dating they insist they bring his girlfriend to the game.

74
patty, \’m checkin’ about
for TRAPS -- mission
impossible style. okay, hoss -- yer up.

the doorway.
there don’t
the floor. appear to be don’t scr... er, don’t hump
any TRAPS. the pooch -- PATTY’S yeah, she
around the hand. already laid a WORLD OF really
HURT on us on this level. SCREWED us
on LEVEL 2.
\’m on it.

excuse me.....?
\ should be GOOD, sweet- okay, patty -- \ CAREFULLY...
\ didn’t S-word anybody. heart -- \ tossed in a SAW-
BUCK when you hit me with VERY CAREFULLY tip
you were the ones who those SMACKDOWN-PILLARS. toe up to the HAND.
tried BULLDOZING your way
through that level saying \ should have a few
“let’s knock this out.” more DAMNS, FRICKS
and FRAKS comin’.
um -- any-
thing
by the way, happen?
moe -- you
owe the
CUSSING
JAR a BUCK.

nope -- it’s still GLOWING.

patty, \ REACH DOWN
you’re now standing ALONE in the room as the and TOUCH the hand!!!
OTHERS look on from the SAFETY of the doorway.

okay -- \’m startin’ to Y-YOU WHAT...?

think this thing is a we’re hope you
DISTRACTION. \’m whoah, hoss. know what
about to
checkin’ the CORRIDOR. you think that’s you’re
okay - now what? find out.
a good idea? doing
TANK.
maybe we should
just MOVE on and
call it a night. let me try
something.

^ “\ saw what b.a. was up to STRAIGHT off. that ARMOR TRANSFER from MALI to GHANA was
OBVIOUSLY a diversionary tactic. by tying up bob’s ARMIES in BURKINA FASO…brilliant move …
he PLAYED bob like an ATARI 400.” —Brian Van Hoose, KODT Issue #102, My Kingdom for a GameMaster

75
 get ready, everyone --
here, chad.. what? we may have to KILL him.
secret
would you be notes
KIND enough to uh oh... are BAD...? two steps ahead of ya,
pass this NOTE HEY!!!!
straw dog -- \ got my
down to EDDIE...? THROWIN’ KNIVES out.
\’m
standin’
if anything \ got a FLASK RIGHT
happens we could of oil \ can here.
SPIKE the door DOUSE him
and LOCK him in. with as well. geeze.

my word but just hold on -- don’t go

hey -- you would be TOO if’n
you guys “DOUSING” me with FLAMING OIL or
you had a CHARACTER killed in
are JUMPY. SPIKING me in the room just yet.
his sleep by one of those
DOPPLE-HEAD BANGER guys.

okay -- but
give me a chance
dopple “ganger”, crutch. first sign
to read the note...
of trouble...
and that wasn’t my fault.
lessee..

mumble
mumble

patty -- can \ SHARE this with the others?

look, guys -- it says here
oh... well this is \’m in “CONTACT” with
INTERESTING. a MAGICAL PRINCESS.

that’s entirely up to you eddie.

psst -- hey -- give apparently she

me a SIGN if we SPOKE to me when \
should COMMENCE touched the hand.
um... yeah.
to killin’ ya. \’ll be
SURE to
a princess? readying my
do that.
BOW here.

^ “oh man, this is a TOUGH one. \ could USE the THERMOS to go alongwith the HACKMASTER
LUNCHBOX \ traded for… but REALLY need a MONSTER MATRIX. the BINDING busted on my OLD copy…”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #106, The Great Swag Auction

76
 she says he LEFT to find
she claims she’s being HELD prisoner by a POWERFUL demon
the LAST component he
-- in a HIDDEN chamber far BELOW this level --- oh wow.
needs to COMPLETE the
process -- but he’ll be
returning SOON.
a d-demon...?
like that yep - \ was he’s setting up some sort of and when he DOES he
movie LEGEND? right. RITUAL to cast a spell and means to SACRIFICE her!
bring GREAT EVIL into the world!!
got to
BAD NEWS! love our
-- and he’s almost finished.
TIMING.

hey, SCREW that TROLLOP!! a DEMON...?

the poor thing - yeah, right -- \ ain’t goin’ up against some DEMON.
we’ve got to help her.
KARMA’s a bitch -- she probably did something to DESERVE it.

obviously. CHAD...¡¡¡ if that were YOU??? well

we’re the HEROS what if it was
who are WE OBVIOUSLY \’d save YOU, honey.
after all. me down there?
to intefere.
ya owe the
jar two
bucks
there, hoss.

umm... it also says her name is

MAWEENA THE FAIR and that her a REWARD...? and you left that part out...?
FATHER is rich and we’ll be
REWARDED beyond our “WILDEST well, what are we WAITING for
DREAMS” if we save her. -- we’ve got to SAVE that poor girl.

she also claims there’s a

WEAPON in the room that
can SLAY the demon. m-maybe we should we ARE the \ dunno -- \ got a
go get help. help, sunshine. BAD feeling about
this -- EDDIE, touch
aaah - he CAPTURED her while that’s sort of
aren’t DEMONS the hand again and
she was GATHERING WILD the point.
dangerous? get more info.
FLOWERS for her SECRET
boyfriend -- a commoner.

^ “\ thought we drove that point HOME the LAST time you GMed. we TIED you to the
hood of your PACER and DROVE you through the automated CAR WASH on DILLARD.”
—Brian Van Hoose, KODT Issue #102, My Kingdom for a GameMaster

77

patty -- \ TOUCH the
hand again and ask
the PRINCESS if she
can tell me more?
she says the ONLY way to get
to her is through a HIDDEN
PORTAL which lies in the
CHAMBER beyond this room.
only here’s the thing --
the PORTAL has a POWER-
FUL ILLUSIONARY SPELL
cast on it to CLOAK it.
why would she LIE to us?
she gave us her NAME and
that interesting little story
about her BOYFRIEND.
yeah -- that
WAS a nice
touch.
^ “hey, b.a., \’m moseying on over to that FOUNTAIN and taking a good LONG drink of its ‘CRYSTAL
CLEAR’ waters. matter of fact, it’s such a HOT day and \’m covered with so much DUNGEON GRIME and
all -- \’m gonna DUNK my entire HEAD right in the pool.” —Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #106, Water Under the Bridge
chad, if you please...
pass this note down. oh wow... she’s UPSET.
“why are you WASTING
another note...? what for?
time? he’s COMING
he’s just gonna TELL
BACK soon! SAVE ME!!!”
us what’s on it anyway?
just pass
the note.
but not to WORRY -- she says if we have
it APPEARS to “FAITH” and “BELIEVE” it can’t harm us.
be a BUBBLING
POOL OF LAVA!! she says to HURRY -- there’s not much time.
let me get this straight --
the ONLY way to get to her
is through a POOL OF LAVA. and she
expects us
she says if we jump to just
in we’ll FLOAT TAKE it
safely down to her. on faith?
she said her FATHER is OPPOSED to
her courtship with her BOY FRIEND
okay -- \’m SOLD. and that she misses him terribly.
let’s do it. um -- \ said
“USEFUL”, sweetheart.
um -- did she happen to
say ANYTHING else
that would be useful? oh --she okay, CHECK.
REITERATED that let’s go check
we must “BELIEVE.” out that
CHAMBER.
78
A FEW MOMENTS LATER...

okay -- \ KNOW the little princess said we

you PEER into the chamber -- the mere would SAFELY float down if we jump in --
SIGHT causes your pulse to race. but \’d feel better taking some PRECAUTIONS.

let’s break out the ROPE and

it’s a NATURALLY FORMED room --
lower someone down. any volunteers...?
about seventy feet in circumference. and
positioned in the MIDDLE of the room...
\’ll go -- \ got that RING OF FIRE
just as the PRINCESS said.... PROTECTION \ LIFTED from that
FAT MERCHANT back in PARZy.

a large pool of MOLTEN LAVA --

okay -- whatever.
bubbling and spewing way to STEP but let’s hurry --
ash and smoke. UP, crutch. there’s not much time.
the glow from the RED
HOT LAVA dances off the
STALACTITES hanging above
creating the EERIE sensation
that the CHAMBER is breathing.

okay, patty -- \ got

CRUTCH, you step into the CHAMBER it’s okay, crutch -- all the ROPE tied around
and IMMEDIATELY notice the FLOOR is part of the powerful my waist and \ keep
covered with cracks and FISSURES. ILLUSION cast on the room. it taut as \ move
toward the pool.
steam rises up between them. MAWEENA said the DEMON’s
greatest weapon is FEAR and then \ jump in.
you can see the RED-HOT GLOW that he would USE it to keep
of molten rock here and there. any would-be rescuers at bay.
what happens?

you take two yeah well \’m STILL

whoah --- that
steps and the puttin’ my ring on. keep a
PRINCESS never
floor feels GOOD HOLD on that rope.
mentioned the FLOOR...
like it could
GIVE WAY. \’m puttin’ on my RING
OF FEATHER FALLING, too.

\’ll UPDATE you on your

character status in a moment,
CRUTCH. just hold tight. \ well that sucks. \’ve got an IDEA.
don’t want to CONVEY any
information the others we don’t know if he the PRINCESS can tell us
wouldn’t be privy to. got through okay...? what happened to you.

the others see you \’ll just ask her.

DISAPPEAR into the pool
as FIRE and SMOKE erupts
and SWALLOWS you up. afraid not. now what? good thinkin’, hoss.

the rope goes

slack as the END
burns off and
lies smoldering
by the poolside.

^ “\’m not going to get FANCY or go overboard. just a personable, HEARTFELT speech
that suggests, \’m a RELUCTANT hero dripping with HUMILITY and SINCERITY… our
HONOR should be through the roof now.”—Brian Van Hoose, KODT Issue #107, The Gift Horse

79
patty, \ run into the
other room and pass this note down oh dear... it says,
TOUCH the hand. to EDDIE, chad.
“your BRAVE FRIEND is alive
\ ask her if my but BADLY INJURED --”
FRIEND got through. but he’s JUST gonna “he didn’t have faith.
tell us what it... he didn’t BELIEVE!”

pass down the

note, please.
oh no...!!

patty \ walk BOLDLY up to the

eh -- you SCREWED edge of the POOL and raise
yeah well let
up CRUTCH. she made a BIG hey -- you my arms over my head.
me show you
DEAL about having faith. told me to how it’s done.
jump in the pool.
\’ll be down to \ shout....
nobody said any- help you shortly. “I BELIEVE¡¡¡
you should have thing about making
put MORE into it. a BIG PRODUCTION I BELIEVE¡¡¡“
out of it.
then \ JUMP into the LAVA!!

head first!!

MOMENTS
eddie -- QUICK. LATER...
okay... YEEEESSSS¡¡¡ I KICK ASS¡¡
the REST of run back in the HEY -- she
you see CHAD says you MADE it. sure -- yer
other room and who’s the MAN,
disappear the man, chad.
ask that chick sweetheart?
into the pool. what happened. your FAITH
got you um --you owe
huh?
through safely. PATTY a
okay. dollar for
who’s the man?
the JAR.
damn, hoss.
head first?

hey -- always
enter a ROOM
with STYLE.

^ “and yea, it was WE who put the SMITE on the

DREAD GAZEBO!! thus ENDING its CRUEL REIGN of TERROR!”
—Dave Bozwell, KODT Issue #107, The Gift Horse

80
 ONE NOTE LATER...

chad has shown us the way -- \ SWEET!!! you made it.

better go next. need to get some
HEALING to poor CRUTCH. you SINGED your hair a bit.
patty \ touch the
hand -- did MO but you’re through.
patty, \ have my SWORD in hand
make it too?
-- \ wanna HIT the ground RUN-
NING, ready for ANYTHING. that’s what
\ wanted to hear.
you’re okay.
\ JUMP into the let’s get the REST
pool yelling, of you through.

“\ BELIEVE!
\ BELIEVE!”

NEXT IN LINE... ANOTHER NOTE STILL...

no - no, sweetheart.
c’mon, MAWEENA says you’re okay --
sweetheart. you’ve got to say it like you
it’s okay. MEAN IT -- or it won’t work. the BEST one yet. you were totally
kinda like when you fake it. untouched and demonstrated the MOST faith.

\ - um, oh - okay. ut oh... she says she

ya hear that honey?
FEELS the demon is CLOSE
\ yell | BELIEVE! you did GOOD!!!
| BELIEVE!! -- time is slipping.
“\ believe”
and jump in. thank sure wish \’d
way to goodness. KNOWN you better
go. about that hurry up,
“FAITH” stuff. EDDIE

patty -- \ QUICKLY tell MAWEENA \’m coming.

\ close my
eyes and
then \ step up to the edge of the POOL.
JUMP into
the LAVA!!

“| BELIEVE! | BELIEVE!”
c’mon, tank.
by my HOLY SYMBOL and
you can do it! the GAWDS OF MY FATHERS
-- | BELIEVE!!!

^ “geezus, sara. this is the ‘WILD’ west not the ‘TAME’ west.
\’m tryin’ to SHOOT some supper here. do you MIND?”
—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #107, One-Two Punches

81
a few days later at HAWG WALLERS...
you ACTUALLY got all FOUR players
to JUMP into a POOL OF LAVA.
no way you’re not
it happened pulling willingly - they just
like that. our legs...? WALKED up and JUMPED in.

are you
SERIOUS? actually it was FIVE -- damn,
chad’s girlfriend girl.
REESE joined us.
guys, \ SWEAR
that’s
that’s EXACTLY
poor thing -- he had COLD.
\ how it
FINALLY convinced her
went down.
to PLAY with us again.

\’m duly IMPRESSED.

\ have to admit -- \ almost gave it away
by BURSTING out in laughter when CHAD did his
the BEST \ could manage was
“| BELIEVE! \ BELIEVE!” number and jumped.
TWO players. STEVIL caught on after
newt and gordo did their SWAN DIVES.

frickin’ hilarious. -snicker-

yeah, adding
nice job playin’ up
yeah -- \ only the BOY \ believe!
the PRINCESS angle.
managed to FRIEND was
get DAVE. a nice touch. HAAR!!!

\ did feel BAD afterwards

though. you should’ve seen c’mon guys -- COUGH IT UP -- patty wins.
the look on poor EDDIE’S face.

congrats, patty. \ thought

he just kept saying guess that \ had it THIS time.
“MAWEENA LIED TO ME...” okay -- that
settles it.
you SWEPT it. was a GOOD ONE.
\ love
taking
so what’s the NEXT
yer
wager gonna be?
money,
boys.

-finis-

^ “let’s see how MOUTHY you are with a few BULLETS raining down in your direction, bob.
your RUNNING MOUTH should make a good target. \ aim for your FACE!”
—Sara Felton, KODT Issue #108, Ka-Boom Town

82
85
86
87
91
92
94
ACROSS
1 Lich's organ jars
4 Great proficiency
8 Holding more spells in memory
9 Mesh fabric used for traps
10 Cold protection against fire
11 HackMaster deity of Strength
14 Player character life insurance
17 Gaping mouth or gulf
18 Player's earned reward (abbr., singular)
19 A vast age or stretch of time
21 Copper coins (abbr.)
22 Physical imperfections
23 The way _____
24 Largest of the three moons
25 Relevant notation (abbr., Latin)
26 ______ Jackson
27 Deals .25 points of damage
29 Emotion; game atmosphere
33 GameMaster's revenge monster
34 Opposite of yes
15 One who plays HackMaster
35 Odd personality behaviors
16 HackMaster deities
37 A method of placing a claim
20 Yours and mine
40 Quickness ability (abbr.)
21 One who wears noisy armor (slang)
43 HackMaster cavern system
22 Dice charging method
45 Shambling undead creature
24 Unusual pack animal
47 Abominable snowman
28 Force opposing chaos
48 One who seeks fame (derogatory)
29 Direct contact combat
30 To render, bestow or work at
DOWN
31 Hackmaster wurld
1 Small fairy-like creature
32 Combat segment (1 minute)
2 To become visible
36 A person of great wisdom
3 Special natural abilities
37 Polyhedral game pieces
4 Safe, treasure-filled dungeon (slang)
38 A measure of resistance to attack
5 Underground passage
39 A beholder may have many
6 Opposite of no
41 An assassin may also be a _____
7 To distort
42 Silent
12 GameMaster (derogatory)
44 Old bones are often found in this
13 Tree charming spell
46 For example (abbr., Latin)
14 This end goes in the other person
95
96
97
99
101
102
103
Lair of the Gazebo based on a story by richard aronson
adapted by jolly r. blackburn

okay, as you EMERGE from

the REAR GATE of the castle
you come upon a vast,
well-maintained GARDEN.
a SMALL GARDEN...?
there are SEVERAL
flowing springs are there any
feeding a SMALL POOL. CREATURES
\’m trying to
roaming about?
DISBELIEVE it, b.a.

\ think it’s yeah.

an ILLUSION.
me too.

there are FROGS and DRAGONFLIES

no... around the SMALL POOL.

it’s NOT an
ILLUSION, guys.
and STANDING
on a SMALL HILL A GAZEBO¿¡¡
overlooking
the garden
is a GAZEBO.

\ dunno -- but guys...

w-what the QUIET GARDEN INDEED!
HELL is a but we’d better act FAST!! it’s just a...
GAZEBO..? \ KNEW b.a was
had SOMETHING
\’m drawing my up his sleeve.
HACKMASTER
PLUS 12
SWORD!!

104
 b.a., \’m gonna WASTE
it with my CROSSBOW!!!
\’m gonna CAST a
couple of FIRE BALLS
\’m preparing
at the DAMN THING!!
to CHARGE it!!
whoah... that GAZEBO
is HISTORY!! BURN BABY BURN!!
now HOLD guys.

it’s JUST a...

um... well, er, okay. HA HAAA!!!

your CROSSBOW another one BITES the DUST!! YESSSS!!
BOLTS strike the GAZEBO.
\’m running toward it the magic-
as FAST as \ can to user ONCE
deliver the DEATH BLOW!! again earns
and BRIAN
his KEEP!!
your FIREBALLS
take THAT
make a DIRECT hit!
you bastard!! heh heh...

no you IDIOT!! whoah!! just

what’s it doing STANDING there huh?
NOW, b.a.?
it’s not doing
ANYTHING. GOOD GAWD!
is it RUNNING away?
he’s a TOUGH
is it ATTACKING?
i-it’s just little bastard.
STANDING there?
\’m HALTING my
charge until the OTHERS
can catch up with me. shya’
right...

105
 \ got a BAD FEELING
you know -- \’m
if you’re waiting about this guys.
starting to REMEMBER
for ME, bro well \’m not
reading about
don’t BOTHER. ABOUT to
you’d THINK the damn these CREATURES...
thing was a DRAGON call it quits yet.
\ ain’t
or something -- the BAD NEWS!!
CHARGING
way he SHOOK off my
that thing. \’m LAUNCHING
BOLT OF SLAYING...? \ think they can ONLY
be harmed by SILVER another VOLLEY
WEAPONS or something. of FIREBALLS!!
and
BRIAN’S
fireballs.

for CRYING
out loud!!

your SECOND volley ALRIGHT!!!

of FIREBALLS hit. kewl beans!!
how may E- man oh man!
the GAZEBO is \ do my VICTORY DANCE PEES was that
ENGULFED in flames and CARVE another SUCKER worth? can you IMAGINE
and BURNS to the NOTCH in my CROSSBOW!
the TREASURE
ground in a it must be carrying?
SMOLDERING HEAP.

are you
HAPPY
now?

this REMINDS
HOORAY FOR me of the time
they LYNCHED
THE UNTOUCHABLE TRIO¡¡¡ that GREEN
DAVENPORT.

-finis-

106
 don’t look at me for
answers. you gotta EARN this.

107
FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD
— TAKE ACTION, NOW¡¡

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