Love Bombing Is The Gateway Drug To Love Addiction - Kim Saeed - Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

8/17/2021 Love Bombing is the Gateway Drug to Love Addiction - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
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By Kim Saeed / 63 COMMENTS
Sharing is caring The Deafening Brutality of

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Narcissistic Silent Treatme
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Discarded by a Narcissist:
If you’ve ever been in love with a narcissist, you’re likely aware of how good they are at
Other Woman
manipulating your relationship. No one ever thinks, though, that a romantic relationship with a
narcissist can turn into a love addiction.
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Do Narcissists Care If You
One of their tools of manipulation is something called love bombing, which appeals to the On?
dreams and hopes their targets have regarding being loved unconditionally, being rescued
from past emotional harm, and never having to worry about infidelity or betrayal.
Exactly Why the Narcissist

The more you know about your emotional triggers, the better equipped you’ll be to protect Back After Months
yourself. You’ll learn how to identify manipulative people, how to recognize if you’re dealing
with love addiction, and find the courage necessary to let go of toxic relationships.
Narcissists and Empaths: T

Maintaining no contact is one of the most important things you can do when you’ve ended a Dynamic
relationship with a narcissist. But it can be extremely difficult.
To help you take steps toward maintaining no contact, let’s review why love bombing is so Will My Ex-Narcissist Treat
detrimental. Then, learn about steps which will allow you to heal from your toxic relationships Girlfriend Better?
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and focus on your recovery and transformation after narcissistic abuse.
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What Is Love Bombing and Why Is It

So Addictive?
The main reason it’s difficult to leave toxic relationships is that they’re highly addictive. It’s
hard to recognize this in the moment, however.
To better understand the formation of love addiction, let’s take a look at love bombing.
Love bombing refers to a variety of words or actions that make the receiver feel loved, valued,
and cared for. On the surface, it doesn’t seem like a negative thing, but it can be when it’s
used by someone who has ulterior motives.
When used by a narcissist, love bombing is a tool of manipulation. Often, when those who
are in a relationship with a narcissist express the desire to end things, the narcissist showers
them with words of love.
The term “love bombing” originally referred to actions that members of cults would use to lure
new members.
Alex Myles of ElephantJournal.com states that, when in a relationship with a narcissist or

sociopath, love bombing starts during the very first meeting. These are often considered
whirlwind romances and, as Myles says, it can be “a dizzying experience.”
The love interest of the narcissist is so flattered and overtaken with their emotions that it can
be difficult to see through all the love bombing to the heart of the matter. They create a
fantasy world, totally absorbed in the euphoric ‘high’ from the feelings evoked by the
narcissist’s validation and interest in them.
Over time, the love-bombing process, in fact, causes a biochemical addiction. This addiction
worsens after stints of the Silent Treatment and subsequent hoovering episodes.
This interview I did with Dr. Rhonda Freeman explains how biochemical addiction makes it so
difficult to leave toxic relationships:
Your Brain on Narcissistic Abuse
The problem with love bombing is that, once the narcissist or sociopath is bored, they end the
relationship. This leaves the other person feeling hurt, broken, and craving love. After all,
they’re used to being showered with words of love and devotion. Once it’s gone, or the
narcissist gets angry and abusive and stops their displays of affection, their partner is left
feeling empty, even desperate. The target realizes their fantasy of having finally found true
and unconditional love was just an illusion, after all.
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Symptoms of Love Addiction

Loving a narcissist can have adverse effects on your physical, mental, and emotional health
because they prey on the fantasy their partners have about true love and yellow brick roads. If
you’re curious as to whether you’re dealing with love addiction or not, take a moment to
review the following symptoms. These are just some of the most common symptoms of love
addiction.
» Obsession with a romantic love interest
» Mistaking sex or romantic attention to mean there’s long-term potential and/or a true
emotional bond
» Believing you can be loved in a “special way” that will make you happy for the rest of your
life, as seen in popular romantic comedies or romance novels
» Compulsive behaviors regarding the relationship
» Lack of control – reacting immediately to emotional triggers without thinking of

consequences
» A strong desire to go back to the narcissistic individual
» Striving obsessively to maintain the chemistry and romantic intensity that seemed present
at the beginning of the relationship
» Since reaching adulthood, you haven’t spent any time alone. You’ve always been in a
relationship or you start a new one immediately after one has ended
The problem with love bombing is that it’s too good to be true. And this is something that
victims of abuse find out rather quickly.
Of course, a thoughtful partner will show affection, say kind words, and make romantic dinner
reservations. But the narcissist goes above and beyond. They shower their victim with so
much love that it literally becomes something they crave. To be showered with such seeming
affection activates the same pleasure centers in the brain as other types of addictions such as
those to drugs, alcohol, and food.
Then, the narcissist pulls away, either because they want to leave the relationship, they’ve
found another target, or because they’re angry at their partner. They blame their partner for
ruining the relationship and for making them angry. The partner becomes afraid of losing the
narcissist because they’re now addicted to the “love” they’ve been shown. It’s a vicious cycle.
Maintaining No Contact and Other

Healthy Ways to Cope with Love
Addiction
You do not deserve to be with someone who treats you this way. Their actions and behavior
are unacceptable. Deep down you probably realize this, but the idea of leaving is scary.
Feelings of fear, self-doubt, and of whether you’ll find love in the future run rampant.
The key to recovery and transformation after narcissistic abuse may initially seem
counterintuitive. The key is maintaining no contact with the abuser. This is one of the first
steps you need to take to break free from your love addiction.
It’s important to note, though, that like any addiction, love addiction
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has withdrawal symptoms.
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How can you healthfully work through these?
1. Don’t give up. Again, this is an addiction. There may be times when you are overcome by
your feelings. That’s ok – forgive yourself and move on. Remember: you don’t deserve to
be in an abusive relationship.
2. Get educated. Learn about your addiction. This will give you the upper hand. The more
knowledge you have, the more you’ll be able to plan for and recognize triggers.
3. Always be kind to yourself. Don’t ever treat yourself the way your abuser did. You’re not
them, and you don’t deserve what they put you through.
4. Get help. Talk to someone regularly about what you went through and what feelings
you’re currently dealing with. The regularity is a good way to work through low points.
Plus, the person you’re talking to probably sees more progress than you do. It’s good to
hear how well you’re doing from someone outside the situation.
Recovery and Transformation After

Narcissistic Abuse is Possible!
While you’re in the midst of an abusive relationship, the thought of getting out and feeling
happy and healthy again seems impossible.
However, once you learn about your addiction, take steps to remove narcissistic people from
your life, and get outside assistance, you will be able to overcome your love craving.
And, in time, you’ll make a full, healthful recovery and transformation after narcissistic abuse.
You’ll get there – don’t give up!
I would LOVE for you to share your thoughts on this topic! Are you still entangled in your
relationship? Do you have hints on how others can break free from their addiction to the
narcissist?
Please share in the comment section below.
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Read More Articles
06 Jul, 2021
Are You Addicted to a Narcissist (and if so, What Do You
Do About It?)
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15 Sep, 2020
3 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to the Narcissist
01 Sep, 2020
Narcissism Isn’t the Only Red Flag You Should Be
Focused On
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63 comments
Harold lazarus says

April 23, 2021
= Share
I’m now regaining q Tweet
confidence w Share
and growing Pin day ,yes they are
m each
stronger
times I fine myself daydreaming about the love bombing period but once I
recognise it I Focused my mind on way I’m going it’s been a very difficult
journey and I fine myself constantly have to stay focused .emotionally it comes
and goes in different forms , feeling anger betrayed hurts disappointed sense
of wanting revenge missing her wanting to do her ham but there are just
feelings I still feel them but not as strong.I have a couple of Christian friends
that been my strength and support throughout and I thank God I’m moving
forward and making progress.
2 Reply
How Betrayal Bonds Keep You Chained to Narcissistic Abuse -
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Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says
March 1, 2020
[…] through narcissistic abuse is a form of love addiction. When someone is

addicted to a drug, it’s fun at first – that’s why they start using. […]
2 Reply
Bobbie Petree says

November 26, 2019
I was married to a narcissist for 15 years and he almost destroyed me and my

relationships with my friends and family. I’ve been divorced for almost 7 years
and am still struggling with the damage he did to my self-esteem. I became
addicted to drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. I’m not sure if I’ll ever recover
and I know I’ll never be “me” again
2 Reply
Kim Saeed says

November 27, 2019
Hi Bobbie, I know it feels that way now, but I promise you, a better life
is possible. And you can be you again, maybe even a better version of
you. Just start by believing it’s possible. XoXo
2 Reply
Narcissistic Love Bombing Always Leads to Hate Bombing - Kim

Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says
November 17, 2019
[…] During the love bombing phase, the narcissist is setting you up for an
addiction. […] = Share Tweet w Share m Pin
q
2 Reply
5 Things To Never Do If You Think You’re Dealing With A

Narcissist - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program
says
July 16, 2019
[…] wedding of their dreams. Maybe they’ll go overboard with the fancy,
surprise proposal and start love bombing you incessantly. Perhaps they’ll write
out a sappy, tear-jerking Facebook status announcing their […]
2 Reply
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What Does Pink Clouding Have to do With Narcissistic Abuse? -

Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program says
June 16, 2019
[…] you say, gaslight you, hurl insults, and make you feel completely worthless.
Next, he or she will shower you with praise, gifts, and affection – temporarily of
[…]
2 Reply
Annette Simpson says

May 16, 2019
I with you. Your story is almost the same as mine. Thank you for sharing ?
2 Reply
I Went No Contact – Now What? - Kim Saeed: Narcissistic Abuse

Recovery Program says
May 11, 2019
[…] as going No Contact is, what’s even more difficult is the period after
applying it. There are withdrawal symptoms, heartbreak, horrible self-doubt,
and the urge to reach […]
2 Reply
Dorothy says
April 29, 2019

Thank you for your supportive emails which are informative. Yes, all I ever
attracted were narcissistic and sociopathic men in positions of power and
authority. This recreated my childhood caregivers. I currently feel neutral about
the man who is in my life. Once I had an obsession that he was the knight in
shining armor that would rescue and validate me. However, by standing up
legally to a religious system with men in power and authority I realized my own
power. I rescued my own inner child. This is what has neutralized the man who
has been the one I would fix to rescue me! I have compassion for him as a
wounded person. I deal with him from a higher place. This has caused him to
morph and rise higher in his mirroring. Right now I am processing early
childhood trauma and seeing the role he played by being energetically identical
to a significant character during the period of time I am processing.
Hopefully very soon I will go back to no contact. There is no way this person
can change because he isn’t willing to look inside and do the hard work. He
merely parrots everything I have fed him by sharing in detail my recovery
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process! I handed over the bait to use to manipulate me and the language I
use in which to form a fake connection.
I am currently in a twelve step program to help me with occasional intermittent

abuse of alcohol. I will use the twelve steps with him as well.
2 Reply
Suzannah says
April 18, 2019
My biggest problem with breaking away is I need to confirm he’s a narsist and
it was not my low value behaviour which made him act the way he does. I also
think I’m an empath and I’m very easy going. I know this can make them use
you as a door mat. Can you help Me?
2 Reply
Craig says
January 19, 2019
Thank you so much for this article. I am really able to help myself heal knowing
that I have been in such an abusive relationship. I thought I was crazy for
having such a hard time leaving and I felt so weak. I have finally broken free
from her and have been maintaining a no contact policy. This has been so hard
to do but every day it gets easier. Part of letting go came when I just stopped
counting how many days it’s been since we texted or spoke. I was able to just
put all of it into the past. I purged my life of things that remind me of her
including music and anything that I noticed could trigger an emotional
response.
I really was helped reading all of this information and am truly grateful
Craig
2 Reply
Kim Saeed says

January 21, 2019
Thank you for sharing, Craig. I’m very happy to know you are healing
and moving forward. Wishing you all the very best 🙂
Kindly,
Kim
2 Reply
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SAMANTHA LUECK says

December 14, 2018
RIGHT ON!!!
2 Reply
SAMANTHA LUECK says

December 14, 2018
YES! For helping with “NO CONTACT.” I wrote down a list of all the
UNACCEPTABLE ABUSIVE comments, events, behaviors, feelings, insult, wtv
occurred and keeping it by my computer for referral when I felt weak. One look
at the list, and I was back in that moment, acknowledging it happened and I
didn’t deserve that. I recommend this to others. Also, a list of ignored red flags.
Hindsight is 20/20…
2 Reply
Agnes says
November 25, 2018
Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I have just gone through! Or, still going. It’s
been a month since I’ve been discarded. My mind still can’t comprehend what
happened. After a 2 year of a relationship to a guy who seemed soooooo good
to me, I confronted him about his drinking and he suddenly pulled the plug.
Dissapeared on me. No explanation. I’m buffled. I was about to sell my house
to live with him as he insisted we should live together to build our future. I
hesitated due to his unresolved situation with ex wife and unhealthy
relationship with alcohol. So he withdrew. Completely! After all this love and
attention he showered me with. It’s mind boggling!
2 Reply
Michelle Henry says

July 16, 2018
It is very difficult to admit this is me. But Kim, you have the Most sound info out
there when facing narcissistic abuse. I tried to bargain with myself that I didn’t
have to go No Contact. It is a process, but it is the only way. Every email i get
is perfect timing in my journey of healing. I am also enrolled in bootcamp. Much
love to you and what you do.
2 Reply
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Denise says
June 17, 2018
I was discarded by my ex a little over a month ago. I always considered myself

strong and independent. The more i read about narcisstic abuse the more i
realize what happened to me. He bought a house and moved 1 of his 2 ex’s
that he stayed “friends” with in. I have alot of learning and healing to do but im
on my way. It was a painful experience and im still learning to think differently.
2 Reply
Michelle says
May 27, 2018
Wow! All of our stories are so similar! My ex-husband just up till two weeks has
been promising to buy me a house and that he can’t live without me i’m the
only women for him, Blah Blah BLah! LOL! He has tried to put constant
pressure on me the he needed me, for him that meant sex. We don’t talk and
out of the blue he loves me and can’t live without me ? I don’t think so. Then on
Sunday after mothers day he texted me that he would not be contacting me
anymore. I just had to laugh, because it didn’t matter to me, i have been done
believing his lies. So today I get a next from him Call me, like nothing. no
response, so he texted again that he needed to hear my voice. I feel sory for
him, I don’t hate him, because he has a mental disorder, but I have zero desire
to hang out with him or even see him. It’s just uncomfortable. We have been
divorced since 2015 and he really thinks I can forget that living hell he put me
through? Not in this lifetime~ LOL! I remember having to have knee surgery,
and he texted me on his way to work that i needed to leave because he
needed to be with the person he had been cheating with for 5 years. He said
he couldn’t breathe without her, on the day of my surgery. But this is par for
course. for narcissist, no empathy and discard when you really need them they
can’t feel true and sincere love and I think that’s really sad. But we can do this!
We all deserve better, and I have the best support system in family and friends.
Thank you Kim for your insight and encouragement. I can truly say I have no
temptation to respond and it took me a while to get here, but there’s definitely
no turning back now! I am free! I have peace and joy and care about me!
2 Reply
marga says
April 11, 2018
Good luck on your journey. Its been 2 months of no contact for me and it wasn’t
easy at the start but it’s gonna get better.
2 Reply
Mary says
March 31, 2018 Ok Privacy policy
I was the one after 5 yrs who ended the relationship with the Narcissist and I
can tell you it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I still have flashbacks of
things he said and did to me. I am grateful we never lived together and that he
lives over an hour from me. This relationship changed my life in many ways
and I can tell you I am grateful, yes grateful it happened. If it weren’t for the
narcissist I would have never understood the many facets of my childhood. It
was as though the light bulb finally came on and now I see things so differently.
It opened a whole new door for me. I can tell you it was a blessing in disguise. I
am truly grateful today for the knowledge and experience I gained and honestly
I don’t regret anything. To those of you still in your toxic relationships. I can tell
you there is hope for you, and it does get easier, it really does. With time and
effort you can heal.
2 Reply
Nic says
March 26, 2018
I was discarded by my narcissistic ex almost a year ago. She is still trying to

control me through my children. She took her ex back and now they call him
daddy. I’m just biding my time, healing and learning everything I can. She will
eventually come unstuck. And I’ll be able to smile serenely when she does.
2 Reply
Sandi says
March 26, 2018
I feel it very important to get away, cease any & all contact, move as far away
as possible, make sure he doesn’t know where you live, do alot of soul
Searching, talk to people you trust, kerp a journal, love yourself more ; more
each day, mine wouldn’t stop for 2 years, I have a daughter with him, he pulled
so many stunts to get my address, he would text me non-stop for hours, at first
I would fall into his trap of answering, when I became a nervous wreck, I
refused to answer anymore, I ignored him completely, took 2 years, but it finally
stopped, I don’t=see him, talk
Share q or text him,
Tweet w he sees m
Share myPin
older kids, & tells them
how he still wants me back, I left for a reason, actually many reasons, for
myself& our 13 year old daughter, he even tried to drag her into this, please
learn the signs, make a plan & leave as soon as possible, this isn’t love, it is
meantal, emotional abuse..
2 Reply
Den says
March 26, 2018
Thanks so much for your very informative articles about narcs. I was lucky
enough to get out of a narc abusive relationship after only six months, though I
should have seen the warning signs after the first Ok twoPrivacy
months. policyI am slowly
recovering and picking up the broken pieces. I find that eft helps tremendously,
– emotional freedom techniques, tapping on acupressure points, has shifted
me. thanks all, xxx D
2 Reply
Kim Saeed says

March 26, 2018
Hi Den,
Thank you so much for sharing. Yes, EFT is absolutely a great method
for releasing negative emotions and trauma. I’ve actually written about
it several times 🙂
Kim XoXo
2 Reply
Christina says
March 25, 2018
Still with the narsisist trying to get out.
2 Reply
Barb says
March 25, 2018
I am in trouble. I have chronic illness that requires pain medication, and want to
just surrender myself to inpatient psychiatric help. I do have p tsd, and therapist
thinks narc abuse syndrome, major depression thatmeds don’t help. I spent 12
years maried on and off with a narc, finally divorced 5 years ago. I’m on
= Share
disability and can’t functionqatTweet nowShare
all right w as I’ve m Pinin another relationship
been
for a year with another narc, psychopath, not sure which but as soon as he
moved in ev changed. He has physically, emotionally verbally abused me and
my mind feels gone! He talked me out of showing up at a protective order
hearing, wanting to keep trying but NEVER talk…does all the gaslighting,
projection, loud annoyed disrespectful, found still talks to ex, saw on his fb on
his phone a friend with a PORN picture! He’s lied, all of it. He finally discarded
me and I’m having a breakdown! Haven’t bathed in a week, or left my home
except to go get my meds and dr…I’m scared to tell therapist because I live in
a place where inpatient psych is horrible! I know they will only focus on pain
meds because of the whole opiate thing and I’ll end up in pain and ignored. I
have been searching for a inpatient treatment but cannot go without my
emotional support dog. I am on Medicare as well and can’t afford to pay. I have
no support system but a sister who tells me I have to get it together…I don’t
know what to do. I don’t even care if I live or die, and am drinking and hiding…I
know I need help, and am willing to go anywhere who’ll let me take my dog and
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even help me get off all the meds if that has to be…as long as I’m not left to
suffer, I have chronic Lyme fibro is and an autoimmune disease not being
treated yet. I live in a terrible state for healthcare. I was an Rn for nearly
30yrs….I’m so scared. Really don’t think I’ll live much longer without help and
I’m only mid 50s. Have 2 grown son’s married who went through hell the first
time, but can’t understand or help. I really need help now
2 Reply
Pauline Polk says

March 25, 2018
I’m at the beginning of leaving. It very over but so hard to let go. There was a
friend there that I will miss. I won’t miss the abuse tho. I’m so weak I hate it. I
use to be so much stronger. What happen to her and how do I find her again.
God, I hate my life right now.
2 Reply
Kim Saeed says

March 26, 2018
It’s absolutely hard to let go, Pauline. Hang in there, though. If you can
make it through the first 30 days, it starts to get easier because that’s
about how long it takes for the biochemical addiction to start fading.
The psychological manipulation is a but tougher to overcome, but it
can be done. If you haven’t already, feel free to check out my program.
It’s helped lots of people like you to begin healing. The Essential Break
Free Bootcamp
Kim XoXo
2 Reply

Bev says
March 25, 2018
I read this and realised that last night when my narc ( he left 2 months ago)
sent me a message after my silent treatment towards him for a few hours
saying “Please just stay in my life, be there because I need you” that even still
he is keeping me in the background. Have still not been able to do the Block
#NoContact because of this need to know his whereabouts and to hear how he
needs me. He went back to his mother but has since been seeing his ex’s but
says he can’t wait to see me. My weakness is wanting to be needed. I attract
broken wings, have all my life & learnt now that I am perfect prey for narcs. I
want to get over this …. I want to heal and breathe again. Why can’t I just do it
2 Reply
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Kim Saeed says

March 26, 2018
Hi Bev,
I believe many of us have felt the way you do. It’s not an easy road to
travel and will definitely take some inner work. Have you thought about
joining my program? The Essential Break Free Bootcamp? It’s helped
many people like yourself to begin healing and taking empowering
steps to change their self-defeating habits.
Kim XoXo
2 Reply
Da says
March 28, 2018
Wow, that story matches mine, he said he had to take care of his mom
too, he went back to live with his cousins,and he came back then left
again. We were supposed to get married. He got mad for me asking
any small questions and asking” why” got on his nerves so much that
he called the wedding off!
2 Reply
Shannon says
March 25, 2018
I’m proceeding w a divorce . It’s impossibke to maintain “no contact” He doesn’t

want a divorce, but wants multiple relationships. The fighting for my freedom is
making me broke and wearing . Starting over at 60 seems impossible. I’ll have
to pay spousal support and I’ll never retire. It seems maybe easier to be
married and just go my own way without the financial burden of lawyers and
paying spousal support. He’ll fight till I’m homeless. Dating a narc is different
= Share
than being married to one.q Tweet w Share m Pin
2 Reply
Maya Davies says

March 24, 2018
Dear Kim,
Thank you for your helpful articles you sent me. Together with personal
counselling I have learnt a lot about my relationship with my ex husband. Here
in Australia the word narcissism is not widely used or known and most people
including professionals look at you with strange eyes when it is mentioned. The
same with the word Fibromyalgia, with which I have been diagnosed. They
think it is an “American Thing”. It is very frustrating Ok and Privacy
people policyare likely to
think, you’re a bit “off”.
My last counsellor, describes my ex as a psychopath. Unfortunately he died of

a heart attack, so that was the end of my very successful counselling and
therapy. (The only one out of five counsellor). So I’m left on my own again.
Since I left my marriage in 1996, after 22 years of marriage and divorced in
2001, my ex has been very busy behind the scenes to discredit me and make
my life even more of a misery. I have no contact with him, but this is absolutely
not protecting me and also other members of my family. He has succeeded to
cause my estrangement from my eldest daughter (now 43). And I had
difficulties with my other 2 daughters, over the years with accusative and
disrespectful treatment. He has left my only son alone. His target has always
been females. In the last few years, my eldest daughter appears to want to
reconcile with me and I heard from one of my daughters that she has fallen out
with her father. Of course, there was a big sigh of relief from my part, but a lot
of damage has been done. We only see each other at family gatherings and
she has confided in me that she suffers from chronic anxiety, as do I, and I
know she has been a victim as much as I. She talks to me about herself a lot.
Like her ailments and difficulties with people at her work etc but never about
the “triangle” as I call it between her, her father and myself. She has had also
difficulties with her sisters and brother, but this seems to be improving since the
arrival of my grandchildren ( only her 2 younger sisters have children; she
herself never wanted any). My eldest daughter, without her realising, has been
a very successful flying monkey to discredit me to my other children and even
to my own brothers who live 20.000 km away when she visited my birth country
4 years ago. I had a visit from one brother a year later and I ended up in
hospital with a concussion and a hand fracture. He accused me of all these
horrible things and said my ex was a good man. I need to emphasise that this
brother and his wife have NEVER even met my ex. In the 44 years that I have
been in Australia, I have seen this brother twice for a short period of time. Once
in 1980 and then 1993 when I came over for my father’s funeral. He does not
know me and his 2nd wife even less, and yet they both got stuck into me when
they were guests at my house. I left home when I was 18 and he 14. And yet
he seemed to know a lot about me and about my marriage. He even went so
far as to tell my adult married children that I was “lost and had a mental
disorder” and he mentioned Bipolar. The next day I confronted him and I was
trying to set boundaries. He didn’t like it and grabbed me by the face and and
when I was turning away from him he twisted my neck and pushed me, causing
me to fall. My other brother also attempted to bully me once on a FaceTime
session we had. As you can see the smear campaign reaches far and wide. I
have set strict boundaries with both these brothers. However the issues are still
ongoing here in Australia. After my ex fell out with my eldest daughter, he then
started on my next daughter but I have been able to tell her my side of the
story( the truth, by the way). She is aware of his lies and he knows it so now
he’s gone on to my youngest daughter. I have to inform you that my 2 younger
daughters had been conceived, one by deception and the other by violence,
hence the age gaps. After the birth of my second child, son, I had made up my
mind not to have more children, considering the state of our marriage. My ex
has been an absent father and in the 5 years between my separation and
divorce, he never had any contact at all with the children or paid child support.
The 2 younger ones were 12 & 7 years old. It took me 2 years to locate him so
that I could divorce him. In those 5 years he was stalking, breaking in and
enter, fake phone calls, stealing my mail, sabotaged my car, gas pipes and
water pipes, sent the council to my door “stating a “ neighbour” had complained
that my property (I was still in the marrital home) was housing “vermin”, and
more. I guess you get the picture. I raised my 4 kids by my self without financial
or
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and the other one having her own business. SoOk muchPrivacy
for me being
policy
lost and
having bipolar. About me being damaged is probably true, ( but not in the way
he thinks) but I had a strong determination to set myself aside and concentrate
on the raising of my kids. As you can see, my situation is somewhat different
as to the fact I’m not in the relationship and has not been for a long time. My
worry is now, that he has taken up with the next target, by youngest daughter.
Things have slipped out of the mouth of my 4 year old granddaughter!!! . I have
tried to warn my daughter not to leave him alone with the 4year old at any time.
( I live 3 hrs away, but he only 1 hour and appently from slips of the tongue, he
come around quite frequently. This sudden interest in our adult kids since the
divorce has always baffled me but I know it’s to find new supply. He is now 74
and lost his appeal to women and now he has been trying to get it from his own
children and a 4year old GC. He is jealous that I have a lovely relationship with
her and things have slipped to me which indicate lies and” keeping a secret”.
What am I to do?? I never seem to get any peace.
2 Reply
Dave Mortell says

March 24, 2018
Here is my advise when you feel anger: stop everything you are doing, slowly
count to ten, take a deep breath in between each count to ten, and tell yourself
that you do not get yourself into situations that result in DV. Tell the person you
understand them (even if you do not) and that you are sorry (even if you do feel
sorry). Remember you are a good person and will get through it just fine.
Best wishes,
Dave
2 Reply
Robyn says
March 24, 2018
I’m still trapped after being discarded…still craving for the love bomb again…its
torture …
2 Reply
Allison says
March 24, 2018
Kim my former world in a nutshell. As you suggested knowledge understanding

does give you the upper hand.
With time correct help and belief eventually you do some through.
Once again you can be a valuable member of society. .
Thank you .
For the past reflection and validation

2 Reply
Ok Privacy policy
Paige says
March 24, 2018
I have been no comtact with my ex psychopath for one month and seven days,
this is the longest that I have continuously done it, I have unblocked him
numerous times and every time just makes me feel worse. He has psychically
and emotionally abused me for three years I had no idea such evil existed, I
feel so much shame and guilt and depression, I have ptsd and can’t get these
racing thoughts out of my mind, he projected everything on to me and made
me feel as everything was my fault, After reading as much as I can I realize he
is just a predator, a wolf in sheeps clothing, studied me so intensely and used
everything against me, he will not leave me alone he will show up at my door
and when I get in trouble is when my emotions do into overdrive then I have no
control and if I open that door it’s done, so I have notes now on the inside of
the door to hopefully stop me, I know I have to have him completely out of my
life to have a chance of getting threw this, everything says it takes time and self
love and no contact I am very determined this time I cannot let myself be
treated like this anymore I have lost everything to this person ex specially my
self respect, self dignity, my soul and my sanity some days I don’t even think I
can go on, with flashbacks and things just popping in my head of what he did to
me and horrible things he said almost drives me insaine at times it does but I
have to keep telling myself he can not change, I used to foolishly think if I knew
how much I really loved him he would change we could work it all out together
now I know that was just an illusion thank you so much for your information it
does help a lot I constantly read and read about how they operate and
everything you wrote is EXACTLY what I have been and I’m going threw so it
makes me feel less crazy which helps me make it threw, it is so hard to break
that trauma bond it is the biggest addiction of my life but I know that when I do I
will be the strongest I have ever been and every min, hour day that I keep
away from him makes me stronger!
2 Reply
Dave Mortell says

March 24, 2018
Hi Paige, I read your post I wish you all the best. I know if you stay on
your path of no contact you will be just fine.
Best,
Dave
2 Reply
Loree says
March 24, 2018
You toare
We use cookies notthat
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experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.
Ok Privacy policy
2 Reply
Pam says
March 24, 2018
“I had no idea such evil existed.” I said that same thing and everything
else you said. I’m eight months out and I can tell you that it does get
better, but it’s hard work. Strict No Contact is essential and that
includes not peeking at social media or having any reminders of him.
We were victims of a con man and nothing we could have done would
have made a difference. The fault is entirely with them. Remember
that. Hang in there!
2 Reply
Kelsey says
March 24, 2018
How do you achieve no-contact when you have children involved? Especially
when the court-ordered visitation requires we are both present so that I can
handle the physical needs of our disabled child?
2 Reply
CAROLYN says
March 24, 2018
I have to do domestic violence classes. Because of being arrested. Fun! AZ

law.
2 Reply
Julien says
May 28, 2019
Tell me more about what happened. I went to jail because the night I
finally after 28 years of a narc marriage, handed him divorce papers.
he ran to my daughters bedroom like a crazy person and I grabbed
him before he could get in her room and he screamed, “you hurt me!
I’m calling the police!” I am 5 ft 2″ and I weigh 110 pounds. How I could
have “hurt” someone twice as big as me? It would have been
impossible, but the police took me to jail. That’s what it took to finally
see what evil looks like and in a jail cell I was able to see clearly of
what I knew was right, get as far away from this person as fast as you
can. That one night in a jail cell propelled me into my new life of
freedom.
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2 Reply
Kat says
March 24, 2018
What took me what seemed like FOREVER, was the ability to finally go fully no
contact. I made every excuse in the world for my XN. What clicked and made it
all of the sudden a piece of cake was the realization the person I loved, made
excuses for, admired, and thought loved me, was a creative allusion the narc
had built. My Prince never existed. The longer I went no contact, the more I
saw, or really less I should say, the more there was to support that my Prince
was nothing more than a storybook character. Coming to this realization made
it very easy for me to let go. I want and deserve my real-life true Prince. Now, I
have to work on loving ME enough to avoid being trapped ever again!!
2 Reply
Jim says
March 24, 2018
Hallo all–
I have felt sick and a poisoned after a nearly one year long relationship, i which
I got engaged (too quickly) and then we were to marry last June. i loved “her”
and she started with the triangulating ; mentioning an ex– I told her to get rid of
this guy and block him. She got a job and we lived together for 4 months. She
wanted to move house really quick– I said lets leave it till after marriage. After a
few things happening — I asked her to leave. She did and NEVER tried to
discuss the relationship at all–she was cold and unengaged (crude at times)
plus she started the icy silent treatments. I tried to meet her on our wedding
day – I had flowers delivered etc an she was acting OK but weird–she
mentioned the ex yet again (on our bloody wedding day??) I stayed that night.
We were intimate but she never seemed any closer after intimacy??
The next day she asked to lend money as she had quit her job in a really
irresponsible manner. After about a few days, she said we cant talk anymore
as her kids — did not “like it” This woman is a full scale lunatic. She also posed
as a born-again Christian—that to me was the lowest thing of all. As we had
met on a Christian dating site.
= Share She haswchanged
q Tweet Share herm photos
Pin on there and is
posing as some sort of Christian. Thats one thing she will have to answer for.
The whole thing was crushing and because I have some smarts, I knew
something was “wrong” but thats all it was. I could not put a name to it. Its been
about nine months. I was going to take the idiot to court to get my money. She
has returned the engagement ring. She emailed me in January to say —it
could have been wonderful together??? And that she was still “very much”
single?? I have found out everything about this mendacious and evil form of
existence only since she left. I was guided towards it and it is amazing how few
people know anything about this?
This is a learning curve I did not wish to go on. So; feeling not great and have
felt sick. A type of poisoning alright!
of one’s heart and soul and body. A while afterwards I got very ill.
So very physically sick–I could not move or get out of bed—it was horrendous!
Also the confusion it creates is almost mind altering.
Thanks to these communities for spreading light into this darkness.
Ok Privacy policy
Jim
2 Reply
Leti says
March 24, 2018
I can relate about how the media can slow down the recovery from a
narcissistic relationship. Reading the negative coments on his (?) still had an
impact on my recovery. Thak you for reminding me that I have to stop going to
any type of media and making myself upset.
Every day is a battle.
The addiction to a narssist person took over one day and I lost it.
Regarless, of the awful experience I lerned about me. Yes, Me, the most
important person in this soap opera. By getting educated about a narcissistic
passive aggressive personality has made me understand that I must observe
but not absorved. It has taking me three years to acquired just a few tool
through your videos, as well as your positive guide pointers, books, sicology
sessions etc..
I only know that I only have given very few steps to recovery.
So, please do not stop educating us about learning more about ourselves and
how to deal with this ugly Narcissists that already have more traumas than me.
2 Reply
Jim says
February 13, 2018
I’m actually looking for some advice. I am madly in love with a woman who has
been in a 20 year marriage with a narcissist. Never any physical abuse but lots
of mental and emotional abuse. She truly is an angel and deserves a loving
relationship where she feels worthy of love. Is there any advice you can offer
with how to take care of her better as well as handle my own emotions when
some of the ugly feelings from her marriage crop up in our relationship. I’ve
already prepared myself that there will be times that things I say or do remind
her of him and I just want to make sure I don’t add to her pain and sad feelings.
She is my best=friend and we
Share wish to spend
q Tweet the rest
w Share m of
Pinour lives together .
Thanks for any help that you can provide.
2 Reply
Kim Saeed says

February 15, 2018
Hi Jim,
It’s kind of hard to offer suggestions without knowing what kind of

therapy or healing work she’s done. If she hasn’t been in therapy or
hasn’t
We use cookies engaged
to ensure that wein any
give youkind of experience
the best healing program, then
on our website. it continue
If you might be very
to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.
difficult to really help her in any way because

Ok she would
Privacy policy typically be
operating from triggers and trauma. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help.
Kim
2 Reply
Kat says
March 24, 2018
First, you say she has been in a 20 yr marriage with a narc… you don’t
say that she is still in this relationship or has moved on…. If it is past,
the best thing is to give her room, move VERY slowly, and know there
will be mood swings and things that may trigger her that have nothing
to do with you. The wounds are extremely deep and fester and need
time and work to start to heal. It’s hard to trust after narc abuse. If she
is still on this relationship, I would not pursue a romantic relationship.
This will just make things worse for her. You can be a friend and
supportive, but don’t go any further.
2 Reply
ohiogirl7 says
June 11, 2017
Oh, I forget to mention in the message below, that’s me also, that all these
disordered people are magnets to empaths, which I also found out about
myself. These preditors are out on the prowell for gentle caring people because
we over look a lot of bullshit and put up with way too much crap. So if you keep
attracting these idiots you could very well be an empath or as I call myself ” A
highly sensitive person” and that’s because of all the abuse and crap I put up
with growing with an idiot for a father and never learning what a good man
really was. This was a dark night of the soul for me, I’m still quivering almost
three years later!
2 Reply
Julia says
June 11, 2017
It is very sad to realize the narscist manipulates to get their needs met
I too was giving to get. I thought if I give him what he wants I’ll get what I want .
I thought this was compromise . Things did not work out so fair. He was angry
abusive and acted like a spoiled brat. I’m glad I am basically pretty
independent. With the help of this and other recovery programs I stopped
focusing on him and tried to work on myself. I was hoping healthy behavior
would rub off on him. I realize my care taking and being responsible was from
being the oldest child . I was setting a good example. Things got worse. I gave
up on the dream. I hold my own hand now. I was dieing
We
2 Reply
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Rebecca says
June 12, 2017
Julia,
I love that quote “I hold my own hand now!” Powerful and True!!
Thank you Kim for so much insight and enlightenment ….. it takes
some darkness to finally emerge out into the LIGHT!
Thank you
2 Reply
Freida says
August 24, 2017
Thank you for this sharing. I am so sorry for your pain. I feel the exact
same. I really thought I would either die of my own neglect of myself in
those circumstances or be slowly poisoned by him in some way. (?) So
strange to feel love and terror from the same person.
2 Reply
Suzanne Spiers says

June 11, 2017
I have spent the past few years healing and find myself in a completely
different and much healthier space.
Recently, a man expressed a wish to get to know me better. I shared that I was
open to see if we had enough in common to be friends, but was not open to a
romantic connection.
He seemed to be very nice and I enjoyed several conversations that appeared

to be regular and= appropriate.
Share Some red
q Tweet w flags
Shareappeared
m Pin though in the form of
his very early invitation to come to visit him at his home which is not near
where I live. I expressed that this was perhaps inappropriate since we did not
know each other well.
He seemed nice and I simply got on with my everyday life and all seemed
normal. However, the most recent red flag was when this man said he would
text me when he got home. He had been in the habit of making contact with
innocuous and pleasant texts about once each day.
However, the promised text msg did not arrive after two days. I decided that
someone who was not prepared to stay true to his word, even if that person is
an acquaintance, is not someone who I want in my life. Trust is very important
and from past experience, if a person acts in a specific manner that is
inappropriate and is not something my other friends do, then that is an
indication to tome
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we time to the
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to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.
the right to be who I am and should not have toOk be other than
Privacy policywho I am just in
order to have someone in my life.
I sent him a final text msg thanking him for some pleasant conversations and
reminded him that trust is important and so is keeping one’s word. I have now
blocked his msgs and let go. I am happy with my decision because when
people act in such ways as to create a form of uncertainty, in the past, I would
have put up with such behaviour. No longer! When a person acts in such a
manner they are showing you who they are and it only tends to get worse over
time. Self-respect is the way to go and supporting my own self, setting
boundaries and taking care to protect me.
2 Reply
Carl says
June 10, 2017
So sad that a person I’d known since she was a teenager and considered a
dear friend chose me to love bomb, convince me to leave my wife, lose my
house and retirement, divorce against my core values, marry her and then go
through the hell of 3.5 years of devaluation and finally discard. What kind of a
heartless, sick person does this? Oh yeah, a narcissist. I loved her
unconditionally, I cherished her. I tried to model Christ’s love to her, forgiving
her again and again. And she spun around and left me for her narcissist
organization leader, who got her a nice job that provides her supply. I am 63
years old, broke and broken by someone who was my soulmate, best friend
and forever friend. Unbelievable. Oh, that’s what that other narcissist says.
2 Reply
Anonymous says
July 21, 2017
I left my husband for a man that love bombed me…he manipulated his
way into my business and none of my employees liked or rewpected
him. I loved and cherished him and still struggle with wishing our
relationship would go back to when I thought he first truly loved
me…..after a lot of research and self discovery, realized he is a
narcissist. He is inqtheTweet
= Share “take a w
break”
Sharestage,
m actuallly
Pin this is the forth
take a break and I am working on strengthening myself to NO
CONTACT. The addiction is so strong.
2 Reply
Traci says
December 12, 2017
Im sorry to hear all of these stories, but yours is my word for word,
except im the female and he is the narcissist. It’s truly sick and sad. I’m
40 starting over after 3.5 years with him. I found that finding someone
who specializes in this type of abuse is the key. I went to 3 different
counselors and they all tried to tell me IOkwas bipolar. It was terrible. I
Privacy policy
wasn’t bipolar before him. Come to find out I had CPTSD. It took me
almost a year and I’m finally making progress. My prayers are with you
all.
2 Reply
Mandy Carroll says

June 10, 2017
I left the narc/sociopath and returned twice. I was out this third time and still am
out. I had contact by phone, the,t and would see him maybe twice a week. I
feel odd..at first because the abuse started right away, I wanted to prove to him
and family I was not this horrible person. From then on it was battles upon
battles and I never gave him a break. I thought..why I stayed that I could help
him because he showed signs of change..ha ha. So after calling him on his
many abuses..perhaps I woke up I ended it. He did not want that. It has been
52 days of silence. I had some desire to see him squirm. Perhaps me fighting
him so strongly made this easier.
I come from extreme abuse and an abusive marriage and my sons are
abusive. Anyway, I am so done with that life..so done. Every moment of every
day I smile and amazing things have happened to me..profound. I am seeing
me..
I am done..but they say the abuser is never done.
2 Reply
Suzanne Spiers says

June 11, 2017
The n will do what he or she will do and we have no control over what
they do. The only person over whom we have control is our own self. I
know in my own case,all the wounded parts of me were the ones that
were vulnerable. I have spent the past 4.5 years working with my
kinesiologist to heal inner wounds and beliefs and now feel as if I am
an entirely different and much-healed person.
I know that in my last relationship, as I healed, I found that as I learned
to value myself better, I stopped doing things that seemed to be
normal such as picking up my ex-b from the train after work. He would
simply get into the car and take for granted that I would pick him up
and never gave a word of thanks, not paid for petrol and when he got
into the car, he would put his earphones in his ear and concentrate on
listening to his iPod.
I got sick of this and other behaviours and the more I learned to do
self-care and set boundaries, there came a time when I simply got
bored of his drama and had no interest in being with someone who
brought drama into my life along with a lot of other behaviours that
were not serving me well.
I terminated the relationship and took out a VRO that has been in
place for the past two years. He suddenly turned up on my doorstep
Ok Privacy policy
last November and I was able to look at this person and in three
sentences, tell him why he had to go. I then shut the door and went
about my day. I have not seen him since and am probably not likely to
do so. I am pretty sure he has new supply somewhere.
These days, I get what I need in appropriate ways and also am able to
better meet my own needs and make sure that I create lots of lovely
things to do for myself.
I am sure that as you heal too, you will be able to feel stronger and set
better boundaries and will also be able to keep this person out of your
life. The more we nourish ourselves, the less we will look to toxic
people to meet our needs with all their strings that are attached to
what they give or choose not to give.
2 Reply
Tina says
June 10, 2017
This is a great article!
2 Reply
mary says
June 10, 2017
I always enjoy your posts. The facts re that we are all mean to give and receive
love because we are made in the image of god what is love.
I grew up in an alcoholic home with an emotionally shut down dad. I was

always looking for love which is natural. I did not know how love starved I was
and that it is ok to love yourself. I did not get the love and nurturing I needed.
This must have been obvious to the men I dated nd my sick, narcissistic x
husband. I have been so betrayed and no I am afraid to love because I am still
not healed.
Your posts always speak the truth and help a lot of people and they are good
reminders of what to look out for in the future if someone is looking to get I to
another relationship.
Also, we do need to know our emotional triggers and needs. And to know no o.
Person can meet all of our needs.
Thank you for your postings. Peace to you always.
Mary
2 Reply
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Kim Saeed says

June 11, 2017
Hi Mary,
I’m glad to know my article resonated with you. I wish you all the very
best in your healing journey.
Kim XoXo
2 Reply
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Love Bombing Is The Gateway Drug To Love Addiction - Kim Saeed - Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

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START HERE BLOG RECOVERY COURSES COACHING

Transform Your Life

Love Bombing is the Gateway Drug Search

Sharing is caring The Deafening Brutality of

Exactly Why the Narcissist

Narcissists and Empaths: T

What Is Love Bombing and Why Is It

Alex Myles of ElephantJournal.com states that, when in a relationship with a narcissist or

Your Brain on Narcissistic Abuse

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Symptoms of Love Addiction

» Obsession with a romantic love interest

» Compulsive behaviors regarding the relationship

» Lack of control – reacting immediately to emotional triggers without thinking of

» A strong desire to go back to the narcissistic individual

Maintaining No Contact and Other

Recovery and Transformation After

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Michelle Henry says

I was discarded by my ex a little over a month ago. I always considered myself

March 31, 2018 Ok Privacy policy

I was discarded by my narcissistic ex almost a year ago. She is still trying to

Kim Saeed says

Still with the narsisist trying to get out.

Pauline Polk says

Kim Saeed says

= Share q Tweet w Share m Pin

Kim Saeed says

I’m proceeding w a divorce . It’s impossibke to maintain “no contact” He doesn’t

Maya Davies says

think, you’re a bit “off”.

My last counsellor, describes my ex as a psychopath. Unfortunately he died of

Dave Mortell says

Kim my former world in a nutshell. As you suggested knowledge understanding

Once again you can be a valuable member of society. .

For the past reflection and validation

Dave Mortell says

I have to do domestic violence classes. Because of being arrested. Fun! AZ

= Share q Tweet w Share m Pin

Every day is a battle.

Kim Saeed says

It’s kind of hard to offer suggestions without knowing what kind of

difficult to really help her in any way because