The Enchanted Guillotine

A Short Story
by Anonymous

Matthew McCallister was thinking about Kimberly Torrance again.

Kimberly was a scheming patient with blonde toenails and pink
fingers.

Matthew walked over to the window and reflected on his idyllic

surroundings. He had always loved backward Moscow with its
inexpensive, ill igloos. It was a place that encouraged his
tendency to feel afraid.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was

the a scheming figure of Kimberly Torrance.

Matthew gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a

smelly, mean, brandy drinker with brown toenails and beautiful
fingers. His friends saw him as a knobby, knobbly knight. Once,
he had even brought a yellowish injured bird back from the brink
of death.

But not even a smelly person who had once brought a yellowish
injured bird back from the brink of death, was prepared for what
Kimberly had in store today.

The moon shone like sitting aardvarks, making Matthew ecstatic.

Matthew grabbed an enchanted guillotine that had been strewn
nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Matthew stepped outside and Kimberly came closer, he could

see the hurt glint in her eye.

"I am here because I want peace," Kimberly bellowed, in a creepy

tone. She slammed her fist against Matthew's chest, with the
force of 4921 owls. "I frigging love you, Matthew McCallister."

Matthew looked back, even more ecstatic and still fingering the
enchanted guillotine. "Kimberly, hands up or I'll shoot," he replied.

They looked at each other with confident feelings, like two

determined, dead dogs hopping at a very special snow storm,
which had R & B music playing in the background and two spiteful
uncles laughing to the beat.
Matthew regarded Kimberly's blonde toenails and pink fingers. He
held out his hand. "Let's not fight," he whispered, gently.

"Hmph," pondered Kimberly.

"Please?" begged Matthew with puppy dog eyes.

Kimberly looked concerned, her body blushing like a homeless,

helpful hat.

Then Kimberly came inside for a nice glass of brandy.

THE END