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Nicole Oliva

ENG 1201

Professor Flores

March 18 2022

Can Listening Create Better Relationships

Listening is a major part of our everyday lives and plays an essential part in our

relationships with others. In the workplace, listening is highly valued as well as within

committed relationships. So what is listening and how is it different from hearing?

Listening is defined as the process of receiving and responding to others’ messages.

Listening occurs when the brain reconstructs these electrochemical impulses into a

representation of the original sound and then gives them meaning. Hearing is the process in

which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain. The

main difference between listening and hearing is that you can never stop hearing unless you have

an illness, injury, or something covering your eardrums. Listening is not automatic and although

we might hear a conversation, it doesn't mean we are essentially listening to it. When we listen,

we tend to drown out annoying sounds or something that is unimportant to us, such as a story

that's been told a hundred times or the annoying hum of the air conditioner. This can play a

major role in how others perceive us and the kind of listeners we are. In the following pages, I

will be discussing how being an effective listener can have a positive effect on relationships.

“The goal of deep listening is to acquire information, understand a person or a situation,

and experience pleasure. Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what

people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others—their words and their

messages—without being distracted.” - Diana Raab Ph.D.

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Listening and empathy skills are distinctive features of good communicators, leaders, and

therapists. One study conducted by Faye Doell (2003) showed that there are two different types

of listening: “listening to understand” and “listening to respond.” Those who “listen to

understand” have greater satisfaction in their interpersonal relationships than others. Being able

to listen to your partner effectively means you’re able to better understand their perspective. This

means you’re more likely to have productive conversations where you feel your point of view is

being regarded. A lot of conflict within a relationship is caused by one or both people feeling like

they’re not being heard. Learning how to be a good listener can do so much to address this.

Active listening is about being fully present and supportive to the person you are listening

to. Active listening isn't about knowing the right thing to say. It's about having the mindfulness

and humility to sit with discomfort and acknowledge that you don't have the answers. You can

also improve your relationships by listening non-judgmentally to what others have to say. The

more you listen without judgment, the more freedom speakers have to find their own solutions to

problems, and the better they feel about sharing things with you. The Global Listening Center

lists ways you can improve your listening habits with body language. Here are a few: smile, lean

in when you are being talked to, have your body position toward the person you are listening to,

and lastly look like you are listening by making eye contact and keeping off your phone. These

skills are a way to deal with difficult conversations with a partner, friend, or loved one and to

build stronger relationships. Listening not only creates a feeling of respect, but also a good

connection in personal and professional relationships.

I have attended a communications class here at Sinclair and have learned so much about

the topic of listening. This paper was inspired by some of the topics that were covered in that

class and I can say that learning to be a good listener has truly helped with my relationships. I
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have developed more patience when it comes to conversations with my mother and even my

significant other. People tell me often that they think that I am easy to talk to and I am the only

person that understands them. In reality, I’m just a good listener.

To truly listen, you must give your undivided attention and put your own agenda and

needs aside. Listening is more than just hearing. For many people, being able to speak without

interruption is like a release. Whether romantic or platonic, listening may be the greatest

contribution you can bring to your relationships. Listening strengthens relationships and

demonstrates attentiveness, caring, and respect. As with most other social skills, to master

listening, practice is required. Luckily, the world is full of people who have a story to tell and

would welcome the opportunity to share it with you.

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Works Cited

Adler, Ronald B., et al. “Interplay: the Process of Interpersonal Communication.” Oxford

University Press, 2018.

“Body Language of Listeners.” Global Listening Centre, 10 June 2019,

www.globallisteningcentre.org/body-language-of-listeners/.

“Deep Listening in Personal Relationships.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers,

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201708/deep-listening-in-

personal-relationships.