Waking up in the morning and looking at myself in the mirror examining every little flaw my

tired eyes can see. Did my face break out even more overnight? My hair is so frizzy. Every little
flaw gets judged by my own brain. There are days where my confidence would be at an all time
high. Not feeling stared at or feeling like a sweatshirt is required to hide the hair on my arms or
the paleness of my skin in hopes to avoid judgment from others. Those days are few and far
inbetween. On the bad days you wear jeans every day in 100 degree weather because you don’t
like the scar on your knee that is permanently dirty because you got it from falling on asphalt.
People judge the scar, you know they do. Every night at the sink, scrubbing your face everyday
trying to make your face look less dirty when you know the freckles on your face will not come
off. This will make people like you because your face is not dirty. There is this voice in the back
of your brain telling you these things. It can not be controlled or stopped. Even on the good days
of confidence, the voice is there trying to bring you down. On the days of high confidence, the
voice gets pushed down and goes unlistened to but you know it's there because it is always
chipping away at your confidence while telling you the most degrading things and you know it
can not be pushed down everyday. On days where your confidence falters, the voice comes in
full force, breaking the wall that kept it at bay, dragging you down and down into the deepest
darkest parts of your mind. The self hatred thoughts strike faster than lighting and leave an
impact bigger than a meteor. You try to dig out of the hole the voice dragged you into, but it is
just burying you under tons of self doubt and hatred. It feels suffocating under the pressure of
fitting into social standards and the voice? The voice is not an actual being telling you these
things. It is your brain attacking you from the inside out, silently. It is burying you under self
doubt while at the same time forcing you out to society. Your brain knows exactly how to target
every single insecurities, telling you your friends do not actually like you. They only tolerate you
because they feel sorry for you. It’s funny how awful your own brain can be when you are only
trying to stop being stared at, then it flips. On the confident days, that voice in your brain that
tells you that no one is looking at you because your outfit looks so terrible. I’m surprised they
aren’t staring at you. How could anyone let you leave the house looking like that! You have a
stain on your shirt. It may look like the shirts are clean but you know there was a stain on the
front of the shirt that one time. It keeps you thinking about the things you know aren’t true. It
even attacks while you are trying to sleep. Oh you are trying to sleep? Well, remember when you
embarrassed yourself while singing in front of your seventh grade science class? Remember how
you felt? People were not cheering as loud as they did for the girl who sang before you. Never
being able to forget every embarrassing thing you do because that voice in your head is so
mentallly draining, the feeling of confidence, though very minimal, is so peaceful for the time
being. You walk out of the house with your head up high and no worries if your hair is frizzy or
if your clothes are wrinkled because there is no voice. You get a compliment on your hair and
you smile with your teeth genuinely, the first time in a while. There is no voice telling you that
your teeth arent straight even though after three years of braces you know they are straight. For
the first time in months you feel free of this weight that has been on your shoulders and you take
a deep breath because you are free. I believe that this type of confidence can be achieved on any
given day for any given person because it is just your brain attacking you. No matter how hard it
hits you, always hit back harder. Pushing that voice back into the hole. Smiling more because the
only way you will get comfortable with doing something is if you keep doing it. Wearing clothes
your brain attacks you for wearing in the past. Do everything it once said bad things about. Fight
your brain. I believe anyone can do that with hard work. I believe that you can rise up and fight
this and persevere.