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Communication Styles

Passive Assertive Aggressive

General Compliant, submissive, Actions and expressions Sarcastic, harsh, always

talks little, vague non- fit with words spoken,
committal firm but polite and clear
communication, puts self messages, respectful of
down, praises others self and others
“I don’t mind…that’s “That’s a good idea, and
fine….yes alright” how about if we did this
too…” or “I can see that,
but I’d really like...”
right, superior, know it all,
interrupts, talks over
others, critical, put-downs,
patronising, disrespectful
of others
“This is what we’re doing,
if you don’t like it, tough”

Beliefs You’re okay, I’m not I’m okay, you’re okay I’m okay, you’re not

Has no opinion other Believes or acts as if all
than that the other the individuals involved
person/s are always more are equal, each deserving
important, so it doesn’t of respect, and no more
matter what they think entitled than the other to
anyway have things done their
way
Believe they are entitled to
have things done their
way, the way they want it
to be done, because they
are right, and others (and
their needs) are less
important

Eyes Avoids eye contact, looks Warm, welcoming, Narrow, emotion-less,

down, teary, pleading friendly, comfortable eye staring, expressionless
contact

Posture Makes body smaller – Relaxed, open, Makes body bigger –

stooped, leaning, welcoming upright, head high,
hunched shoulders shoulders out, hands on
hips, feet apart

Hands Together, fidgety, Open, friendly and Pointing fingers, making

clammy appropriate gestures fists, clenched, hands on
hips

Consequences Give in to others, don’t Good relationships with Make enemies, upset
get what we want or others, happy with others and self, feel angry
need, self-critical outcome and to and resentful
thoughts, miserable compromise

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© Carol Vivyan 2009, permission to use for therapy purposes