Everyone has an identity or background specific to them and their family.

Some

have had over ten generations who have lived in the United States and have basically

defined their identity there. Others have a parent or two who had to escape their country

and became a refugee. Everyone’s family heritage is unique to their own. It’s always

fascinating to listen to the stories of our ancestors and be able to pass them on to

others, but what if you had to grow up with the tales of your ancestors forever lost into

the unknown? It’s safe to say that if one had to experience their entire childhood without

knowing any of the stories about their parents that they’d be extremely curious. Well,

that was exactly the case with Nicole Chung.

From an early age, Nicole, the author of the book, All You Can Ever Know: A

Memoir, knew that she’d been adopted. It was an unusual adoption as well, since she

was of Korean descent while her adoptive parents were both White Americans. Growing

up, the idea of being from a different ethnicity group was foreign to her until a classmate

asked if she’d ever wondered who her real parents were. This was the seed for sending

Nicole out on a years-long search to find her biological parents and discover who she

really was, right as Nicole was pregnant with a baby of her own. Nicole was born in

Seattle, Washington and raised in Oregon by her adoptive, Catholic parents. She went

to school at John Hopkins University, and was previously the managing editor of The

Toast, and is currently the editor-in-chief of the Catapult magazine. At the age of 40,

Nicole currently lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two little girls.

To start off, All You Can Ever Know: A Memoir, was a book written by Nicole

about her own life to explain the importance of finding yourself. In her case, because

she was a Korean girl adopted by a White family, her experience growing up was very
different. Nicole explained how she grew up in a White-dominated area where she

never knew anybody who looked like her. She felt American and was American, but as

she grew older, other students from her classes began to throw racial slurs at her.

Confused and slightly hurt, Nicole often never bothered her adoptive parents about her

problems because when she did, they’d just reassure her that she wasn’t different and

that she was very special to them.

A brief summary by Nicole that overviews her story is this, “What does it meant to

lose your roots—within your culture, within your family—and what happens when you

find them? (...) From childhood, she [Nicole] believed that her biological parents had

made the ultimate sacrifice in the hope of giving her a better life, that forever feeling

slightly out of place was her fate as a transracial adoptee. But as Nicole grew

up—facing prejudice her adoptive family couldn’t see, finding her identity as an Asian

American and as a writer, becoming ever more curious about where she came

from—she wondered if the story she’d been told was the whole truth.”

Diving into the story, a beautiful story unfolds. Nicole starts out by explaining her

background and leads up to the next part by explaining how she sat down with a couple

who were questioning if they should adopt a transracial child of their own. Although

she’s concerned that their child might experience the same prejudice and confusion that

she did, she tells the couple to go ahead and adopt. The next thing Nicole knows, she’s

pregnant with her own child, and decides to venture out on the search to find her

biological parents. All at once, her whole life changes around. She finds out that her

biologic parents are divorced and that she has a blood-related sister named Cindy, who

is just as excited to reunite with her. And although she’s always dreamt of reuniting with
her parents, it’s soon made clear to her that both of hers have been living for years in

guilt that they chose to give her up due to the fact that she was premature and that they

couldn’t afford to raise another child. It’s also a story of growth as she learns

forgiveness and experiences what it’s like to basically have two families.

There is no doubt that I would recommend this book. Nicole walks you through

every thought and moment of her journey to finding out who she really is, and it’s almost

like witnessing a hero’s final grand feat in a movie. There are so many people who don’t

realize how privileged they are to have grown up with both of their biological parents

and to have photographs of previous generations stored within the confines of their own

home. There are so many of us who don’t understand how important our family history

is. Yes, everyone has a time in their life when they question who they really are. Our

lives are all about constantly finding ourselves and learning how to be better. And

because all of us have went through this feeling before, picking up All You Can Ever

Know: A Memoir by Nicole Chung will make the reader experience the nostalgia of

these emotions all over again.

Hearing about an adoption story is one thing, but finding an adoption story about

a person of color being adopted by a White family and being able to find their biological

family is a fascinating read. Since it was written by Nicole about her own life, that helped

me to get a first-person perspective on what having to go through her experience was

like. There’s a lot of ideology about “colorblindness” as well due to Nicole being raised

in a White household where her relatives were always assuring her that she wasn’t

Asian to them.
 “Dear Nicole, I received your letter. Please forgive me” (Pg. 131). This was a

quote that touched my heart because it was the first thing that Nicole heard from her

birth father. Although she was about to go into labor, I believe that hearing these words

from him really warmed her soul as well.

“Even if it was hard to know what to think or do about my birth parents, it was

easy and wonderful to write to Cindy” (Pg. 152). I liked this quote because it shows how

close, despite all years of not knowing each other, how close these two sisters are. No

matter what happened, Nicole felt that she could write to her older sister, Cindy, even

when she was troubled with other things in life.

“She wouldn’t be writing to you every single day if she didn’t want to know you”

(Pg. 154). This is a quote by Dan, who is Nicole’s husband. I really loved this quote

because it shows how supportive her husband is. I’ve never personally had the most

comforting dad, and seeing this personality in a father really lifts my spirits. Because

Dan said this, Cindy and Nicole were able to meet in person.

“Cin made it really clear that she’s going. I will be her walking pharmacy” (Pg.

159). This quote, by Cindy’s husband, Rick, makes it evermore clear how determined

Cindy is to visit Nicole although she’s just had a miscarriage and had surgery the day

before she’s supposed to fly over and visit. Although the doctor told Cindy that she

shouldn’t be traveling anytime soon, Cindy puts her health on the line just to see her

sister for the very first time. It’s heartwarming.

“My sister has freckles” (Pg. 162) I literally wanted to cry when Nicole found this

out about her sister, because she thought that this one detail was so beautiful. Once
they saw each other for the first time, every little thing became so important to Nicole

that it became just as special to the reader.

“You’re already there with me, Nikki” (Pg. 177). When Cindy says this to Nicole to

reassure her that she does feel like they’re real sisters, Nicole does her best to hold

back happy tears. They haven’t known each other for very long, but as the story

progresses, it’s so incredible to see how fast they’ve grown to love each other already.

“I meant something to him” (Pg. 195). Nicole realizes that her father truly did love

her after she visits him and converses about what actually happened after she was

born. He even gave her a Korean name, Soo Jung, and that was enough for Nicole to

know that her dad did care about her; I like this quote because it’s a moment of

understanding for Nicole that puts her worst fears to rest.

“Good genes! You two should really thank your parents” (Pg. 204). This was a

funny and ironic quote because it was of a lady at a bar telling Cindy and Nicole that

they looked younger than they were. It’s cute that their little secret is something that

they’ll only ever really know between each other, and how they’ve come to accept it.

If there’s one thing that I learned from reading this memoir, it’s that our family

history and the things that we have in our current possession are things that should

never be taken for granted. While I also grew up in an Asian family, I was lucky enough

to have always lived with both of my actual parents and that we were able to grow

together. Although I have no recollection of my grandparents, I know that they will

always be a part of me from the things they have given me. For example, my Chinese
name was given to me by my grandmother, and I cherish it because it is something that

I have from her. Nicole’s story taught me that it’s the little things in life that truly matter.