Professional Documents
Culture Documents
9 Relationship Principles For Winning With People
9 Relationship Principles For Winning With People
Show us one “people person” and we could show you five others who are
deficient in the people skills department.
Winning with people is both a science and an art. There are proven relationship
principles grounded in research and an understanding of human psychology, but
our reputations depend on our unique approach to cultivating good will with the
people in our lives.
Building strong relationships is a crucial skill needed for business and leadership
success. It doesn’t matter what industry you’re in or role you fulfill in the economy
—entrepreneurs, salespeople, CEOs, teachers, tradesmen, and small business
owners all agree that winning with people is a worthy goal for professionals.
“All of life’s successes come from initiating relationships with the right people and
then strengthening those relationships by using good people skills.”
With decades of gathering insights about the world’s greatest leaders under his
belt, we’re inclined to follow Maxwell’s advice on building successful, productive,
and good relationships.
Maxwell organizes his advice into a vast library of “People Principles” broken
down into 5 categories or questions for the developing leader:
Maxwell delivers a cautionary tale about baseball player Pete Rose who became
so immersed in his job that he neglected reflecting on his life and actions.
Rose excelled in his career, winning National League Rookie of the Year,
National League Most Valuable Player, and World Series MVP awards from 1963
to 1975. But his personal and professional life came to a screeching halt and he
destroyed several high-value relationships. Rumors were confirmed that he was
betting on baseball, even going so far as to place bets on his own team.
If winning with people is our ultimate goal, we must start by looking in the mirror
—focusing on all of the aspects of “self” including self-awareness, self-image,
self-honesty, self-improvement, and self-responsibility.
Have you ever heard of the Compliment Club? It was an experiment created by
physician, consultant, and psychologist George W. Crane at Northwestern
University in 1920.
He tasked his students with giving 3 compliments daily over a 30-day period to
help them learn a very important aspect of relationship-building. The experiment
showed his students how relationships could change quickly and positively when
they delivered value first.
As a journalist, this principle stands out to me. A big part of the job is recognizing
that everyone has a story to tell and a perspective that is able to shape our
understanding of an issue. Sometimes, a reporter might have weeks of
interactions with a source to draw information from. Other times, he or she will
only have a few seconds or minutes to learn what they can about an individual.
Maxwell believes that our relationships won’t always follow the same script.
“The nature and purpose of the relationship will determine the energy and time
needed to cultivate it,” he writes in Winning with People. Our most important
relationships—those that last for seasons and lifetimes—require the most
attention and care.
This is a great principle to keep in mind if you feel like you’re spreading yourself
too thin in your relationships and need to determine where your time will be spent
best.
Our relationships with family, team members, and friends will never be without
conflict. This chapter of Winning with People is so comforting because you learn
that even Maxwell has dealt with conflict.
You also discover how he achieves positive results from confrontation by going
into them “with a mindset of caring about the other person and trying to help
him.”
We’ve all had hard-headed leaders with a “my way or the highway” attitude.
Chances are, they don’t make an appearance on your list of favorite bosses.
But if we keep Maxwell’s number one rule for confronting conflict in mind, we’ll
never turn out like the bosses you’ve disliked the most. Maxwell urges us to
“confront a person only if you care for that person.”
Or you could be playing a tennis match against your sister in the Australian Open
like the example of Venus and Serena Maxwell described in Winning with
People.
Whatever the situation may be, Maxwell makes it clear that “keeping a
relationship strong is a decision.”
You always have choices when it comes to your relationships; you can abandon,
damage, or improve them.
The Approachability Principle
Being at Ease with Ourselves Helps Others Be at Ease with Us
Barbara Walters was a news personality who could coax information and stories
out of anyone including statesmen and stars.
Maxwell wants readers to get the point he tries to make through his story about
Walters: approachability is not a talent; it’s a skill anyone can acquire with
practice.
But these experiences taught us more than we probably realize about what it’s
like to work with others in the “real world.” Maxwell would argue that our teachers
were probably trying to teach us how to be patient with one another.
It’s innate to our human nature to crave attention and positive reinforcement.
That’s why personal trainers will recommend new gym-goers give themselves
small “treats” to reward themselves for going to the gym multiple times during the
week.
Maxwell doesn’t sugar coat this principle. He says there will be people in your life
who won’t celebrate with you. You’ll often be celebrating your success alone,
which should be all the more reason for you to be the cheerleader in someone
else’s life.
Error! Filename not specified.
The Partnership Principle
Working Together Increases the Odds of Winning Together
The benefits of cultivating powerful partnerships are numerous (and can be found
within the pages of Winning with People).
But what I found most interesting about this People Principle was how Maxwell
described the evolution of our understanding of a partnership.
Are there any other relationship principles you would add to the list?