Oath of Horniness

Being a paladin often means one must follow a certain set of

expectations. What with being an embodiment of the ideals
of justice and fairness and all, they are trusted to behave like
what you’d expect of a paragon: showing no signs of
weakness or flaw; having no desire; exercising self-restraint
at all times. Any who do not follow this image are sure to be
met with coercion from those around them. “There’s no place
for a paladin like you.”
There are, however, a rare few specimens who, when faced
with this coercion, decide to stand tall instead. In defiance of
the correctness forced upon them by the world, they swear an
oath to live true to themselves; releasing their innermost
desires without fear of shame or reprisal.
With a hardened… resolve, these unusual warriors are
determined to prove that their lust can be a force of good, just
like any other virtue.
Tenets of Horniness
Though the exact words and strictures of the Oath of
Horniness vary, paladins of this oath share these tenets.
Acceptance.
It’s okay to be horny all the time. It’s part of
who you are, and no one will ever get rid of it. Channel Divinity
Flexibility.
Any kinks are good, as long as they’re When you take this oath at 3rd level, you gain the following
consensual. Anything can be enjoyable if the right two Channel Divinity options.
conditions are met. Enhanced Vigor: When you heal another humanoid creature
Dedication.
Once you find your Waifu, you must always by any means other than nonmagical, you can imbue them
protect them; worship them; and praise them to the best with the power of your exceptional libido, reducing their
of your ability. The Waifu is absolute, and you are their exhaustion level by one point. Alternatively, you can choose to
dutiful servant. grant them the effects of a short rest instead.
Respect.
Whenever you look, you do so respectfully. It is Simping Hours: You devote yourself to a friendly creature
all for the sake of appreciation. you can see, temporarily becoming their white knight.
For 1 minute, as long as you are within 5 feet of the
Oath Spells affected creature, any attacks or spells which directly target it
will be redirected to you instead. You have a bonus of +2 to
You gain oath spells at the paladin levels listed. your AC against these redirected threats.
• You can end this effect on your turn as part of any other
Oath of Horniness Spells action. If you fall unconscious, this effect ends.
Paladin Level Spell
3rd Sleep, Gift of Alacrity Anti-Bonk Measures
5th Alter Self, Invisibility At 3rd level, you are always prepared the incoming
9th Fast Friends, Tongues clobbering, holding your head high and the rest even higher.
You have resistance to bludgeoning damage and can use your
13th Charm Monster, Evard’s Black Tentacles Charisma modifier instead of your Dexterity when
17th Modify Memory, Dream determining your AC.
Aura of Horny
Starting at 7th level, you and friendly creatures within 10 feet
of you are horny at all times while you are conscious, gaining
impure and often senseless thoughts with a higher frequency
than normal. You all have disadvantage on saving throws to
resist being charmed, but gain resistance to psychic damage.
Additionally, enemy creatures within the range of your aura
have disadvantage on ability checks to resist being grappled,
You
as well as saving throws to resist being restrained.
At 18th level, the range of this aura increases to 30 feet.
Step on Me, Mama!
At 15th level, you are able to delight yourself in the caress of
your assailants, being revitalized in the process.
Choose any creature type: that becomes your favoured
type. Whenever you receive damage dealt by a creature of
your favoured type, you can use your reaction to regain a
number of hit points equal to the same dice used for that
second page - background: RainySoft;
damage roll. If you do so, for the next minute you also gain
advantage on saving throws to resist the effects of spells cast
by creatures not belonging to your favoured type.
Once you use this feature, you can’t do so again until you
finish a short or long rest.
You can change your favoured type
once every week.
Blessing of the Waifu
At 20th level, you may choose any creature you can see within
100 feet of you. It can be a party member, an NPC, an enemy,
a Fiend, or even the BBEG. The specified creature then
becomes your Waifu.
While you are within 15 feet of your Waifu, you gain a +3
bonus to attack rolls, damage rolls, ability checks and saving
throws; and cannot be charmed, frightened, or possessed.
can designate a new creature as your Waifu once per week.
You can choose to have more than one Waifu at the same
time, but the bonus doesn’t stack. Additionally, the range of
the feature decreases to 10 feet, and you lose your immunity
to the charmed condition.
Credit
Artwork: first page - background: David Pizarro; character:
Hyun W Park, Kan Liu.
character: Nick Dodd
Watercolor: Jared Ondricek
Design: u/CamunonZ