what if i failed everything

im not good at anything

i achieved these things because of perseverance and not because im good at it
im afraid to disappoint everyone, including myself
im always percieve as the gifted child in the family
and that makes it scarier for me to fail
because i know that if i fail, there's no other way out
i know that there are a lot of peope who are far greater and better than me
in terms of academics, mindset, and even in the way they show theirselves

i want to own a brand new laptop

probably out of jealousy because my friends have it
i own one but it's not good enough to pass the criteria of having a "good" one
its camera qualtity sucks
it lags and sometimes crashes
it types on its own
some keyboard keys also doesn't work
in short, its just something that a kid can use
and definitely not recommended for students like me
i shouldn't feel bad about it
because some people haven't even owned one
and yet, here i am, having one
and still being ungrateful
but can you blame me?

im writing this down to help me calm down because im having an emotional break down
right now
i feel like crying and begging for the higher ups to at least grant me a new one
honestly, it sounds so pathetic
i feel like if i read this again tomorrow, i would actually cry out of cringiness

admu is a school that by just thinking of it

it makes me doubt myself if i can really enter the university
however, i do wanna try taking the acet and take my chance
i also want to believe in myself as i am so tired of bringing myself down
but im also scared
there are only two things that can happen if i take the acet
one is to pass
and one is to fail
but one thing is for sure
i will pass it
i am doubting myself if i can really pass it but i would do my best
although i really dont know where to start lol
i will make it happen
probably for them to be proud of me
and at the same time
for me to stop deluding myself that i am not a great person and a student

the only thing that i can offer is my diligence and perseverance

because as a matter of fact, i dont have any talents
im not good in singing, acting, or anything that at least a normal
people have
not becausei think that "im not like other peope" but because it is the truth.

i kind of calmed down now

but i do want a new laptop hahahahahha
like a brand new one
even if it costs less than 20k
i just want something that i can bring in class if im in my class in ateneo
something that doesn't lag
something that doesn't glitch
and something that i wont be embarassed to bring

after watching 2 self help videos, it helps me to categorize

what i should do and shouldn't do
they said that their essays took some time and that makes me feel relax
because if i evaluate myself, i know that i am more into the math person
than an essay type of person
maybe it's because of my kind of thinking that essay took way longer
than a math problem

in my school recommendation form, i will probably send it to my past

junior high teachers such as maam ilyn, maam fleurdeliz, and probably to maam red
cross and sir rhoderick
in my senior high school, i would also probably send out forms to sir joey and maam
sarah or maam stats
i just hope that they would accept it as it would be great for my application

now, i need to sort out what topic should i write in the personal essay
they said that i should pick 1-2 events that happens in my life that made a great
impact to me as an individual
i dont want to dump my traumas there so i think i would pick something that is
light but would make me stand out

I WILL PASS THE ADMISSION FOR ADMU

I WILL PASS THE ACET
I WILL PASS THE SCHOLARSHIP GRANT
I WILL PASS THE NATIVE CAMP
I WILL EARN MONEY TO BUY A BRAND NEW LAPTOP THAT I AM AIMING, HOPING, AND PRAYING
FOR
IN ABBAH YAHAWAH AND KING YAHAWAWASHI NAME
SHALAWAM!!!!!!!!
#ATENEOBLUEEAGLES

PAG DI PUMASA DI PEDE

HAAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA