Pen

THE STA T E O F T H E A M E R I C A N P E N I S

The
MEN’S HEALTH
Survey
PENIS
MERICAN MEN
disagree on a wide variety of issues, like We surveyed 1,284 men and women
climate change, health care, gun control, with total confidentiality to find out their
and whether the film adaptation of true feelings and anxieties about
size, ED, PE, STDs, manscaping, dick pics,
Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats, starring and everything else in between.
Taylor Swift, will contribute anything
positive to popular culture. Yet for
all our differences, there is at least one How do you feel about your PENIS?
thing that binds male Homo sapiens IT’S TOO SMALL;
together, helping to distinguish us from I LOVE IT
IT COULD USE
SUPERSIZING

our double-X-chromosome’d female 29% 17.1%

counterparts: a borderline familial
relationship with our genitalia. But
with family, it’s always complicated.
Intersecting not only with
sexuality but with issues like
privacy, technology, power,
and public health, the penis is
a symbol of our desires, our vic-
es, our wellness. To investigate
the nature of this relationship,
Men’s Health partnered with
survey specialists, scientists,
investigative reporters, and a
phallically shaped wind puppet
named Flappy to examine the
State of the American Penis.
What it’s got going for it. What
it’s got working against it. How
we can make the most of it.
Consider the dick pic. One
I HATE IT;
I WISH I COULD
SATISFIED; TRADE IT IN
IT’S LIKE A
TOYOTA
2.7%
show them off but were waiting
for technology to allow us to? 51%
IT’S TOO BIG;
Or does it mean that we’re I WANT TO
DOWNSIZE
somehow less confident?
.2%
(Also, are we even using the
right angle? See page 92.) We also analyzed your answers by age and ethnicity. It turns out
In a dick pic, a penis is merely guys aged 30 to 44 were the most satisfied, with 35% saying
a subject. Yet we treat it as if it they love it. When we looked at ethnicity, black men had the
most positive feelings, with 57% answering they love it.
took a selfie. Almost 40 percent On the other hand, 30% of Hispanic men expressed that it
of respondents blamed their could use supersizing—almost double the national average.
penis for flirting with someone
they shouldn’t have, for causing
horny thoughts that led them
How comfortable Where did you
are you with get your idea of
to, say, text or email something others seeing your what a penis
should LOOK LIKE?
they regretted, for causing penis, like in a
injury to their penis, or for
leading them to illegal activity,
LOCKER ROOM? PORN SNEAKING

third of male respondents in
a new Men’s Health survey
admitted that they had sent
one, while more than half of
female respondents shared
that they had received one.
Once the territory of D-list
Hollywood, dick pics have
infiltrated the news cycle on
a regular basis, ensnaring
everyone from Anthony Wein-
er to Jeff Bezos. And if the rich-
est man in the world is taking
hackable pictures of himself,
does this mean we’re more
confident about our penises?
That we always had the urge to
45%
PEEKS IN
like having sex in public. THE LOCKER
NOT VERY; I GET I SHOWER ROOM
CHANGED FAST
Which is, in a word, nuts.
47%
IN A
BATHING 14%
The penis itself isn’t determi- SUIT
native. It’s not doing anything 9%
wrong . . . or even right. It’s
doing what our brains tell it
to. It’s along for the ride. 4%
I AM A 40% ?
As we look forward to a PEACOCK I GET CHANGED AT DOCTOR
A RELAXED PACE 11% OTHER GIRLFRIEND
future—including a 2020 elec-
These numbers did not vary 15% 15%
tion cycle—simultaneously
hugely when analyzed by age Yup, lots of guys are
filled with creeping uncer- and ethnicity, but Hispanic comparing themselves to
tainty and endless possibility, men and white men were porn stars, especially guys
let’s figure out what this thing the most comfortable, at 18 to 29, at 56%, and 30
is and what it isn’t and what it around 42%. Younger guys to 44, at 55%. Take note:
were the most uncomfortable, New research reveals the
needs from us. Understanding more a man watches porn,
with 54% of 18- to 44-
the penis doesn’t need to be year-olds saying they the more likely he is to
so hard. —SPENCER DUKOFF get changed quickly. worry about his penis size.

86 June 2019 / MEN’S HEALTH

Hypothetical: A hacker breaks into Has your penis And the women think . . .
your email and threatens to share ever gotten
you in TROUBLE? Do you COMPARE
ONE PRIVATE THING with your contacts
list. Would you rather the hacker send out: EVERY PENIS you’ve ever
seen with one another?
A PICTURE OF

YES, HORNINESS LED ME TO SAY/EMAIL/TEXT SOMETHING I REGRETTED

YES, HORNINESS LED ME TO ILLEGAL ACTIVITY (E.G., PUBLIC SEX)
YOUR PENIS

YES, HORNY THOUGHTS LED ME TO HURT MY PENIS/HEALTH

YOUR ANNUAL SALARY
13% 60%

I’VE NEVER GOTTEN INTO THAT KIND OF TROUBLE

YES NO
AN EMAIL DETAILING
A SEXUAL FANTASY
A PHOTO OF YOU DRUNK
AND COVERED IN VOMIT 43% 57%
10% 17%

YES, I FLIRTED WITH SOMEONE I SHOULDN’T HAVE

Whoa! Respondents were nearly 4.5 times as likely to
prefer having their annual salary leaked as a picture of

5% 62%
We collaborated with our colleagues
their penis. In this regard, the penis still serves as a modern at Women’s Health on these questions.
demarcation between public and private life. When analyzed by age group, the answers
revealed that as women got older,

14%
they compared less. Among those
Have you ever sent a DICK PIC?
YES aged 18 to 29, 52% said yes; 30 to 44,
34% 41% said yes; 45 to 60, 39% said yes;

14%
and over 60, 38% said yes.
We’re calling BS here!
Only 34% of guys
admitted to ever When dating a new partner,
18% do you experience any
sending a dick pic.

PENIS-REVEAL ANXIETY?
Among men who said
yes, guys 30 to 44
were most likely, at Ripped from the
47%, while among headlines! Our survey
18- to 29-year-olds, found that around 2 in 5 YES NO
43% had sent DPs. guys have gotten into 40% 60%
trouble because of
If yes, under what circumstances did their penis. One age
you send the dick pic, and did it have a group stood out: Guys
POSITIVE RESULT? 45 to 60 were the most
likely to get into If so, what is your concern?
These answers revealed good dick-pic etiquette. The trouble, with 23%
majority of favorable results occurred when the partner had admitting to flirting 4% WILL HE SUFFER ED?
asked that a private photo be sent (22%) or it was a quid inappropriately and
pro quo situation and the guy was sending a photo in exchange 20% copping to horni- 6% WILL HE SUFFER PE?
for a private photo he had received (21%). In these situations, ness leading to an illegal 6% WILL IT BE AN ANACONDA?
the photos helped build intimacy and were part of foreplay. activity, like sex in public.
11% WILL IT BE SMELLY, ETC.?
13% WILL IT BE A TADPOLE?
What PENIS
Do you MANSCAPE?
MOW IT

PROBLEMS have GROW IT Good news: 3 out of 5 women

don’t experience penis-reveal anxiety!
you experienced? All Men By Age
Among those who do, small size and
18-29 30-44
FRICTION cleanliness were the main concerns.
BAD ODOR BURNS
7% 24%
YES YES
HOW MUCH manscaping
ACNE 77% NO 80% NO should a guy do?
5% 23% 20% If yes, how much?
ED
27% 45-60 >60
GROW IT
34% TRIM AND/OR
SHAVE MONTHLY

BRUISING
PREMATURE
EJACULATION
38% 24% TRIM A
8% 25%
YES NO COUPLE
TIMES A
62% 38% YES YES MOW IT YEAR
These answers were consistent
57% NO
29% NO 62% 4%
when analyzed by age, income,
and ethnicity. However, 1 in 3
43% 71% PROFESSIONAL
REMOVAL

men aged 45 to 60 and half Our survey revealed that guys dial back on the
of guys over 60 complained maintenance when they hit 45, and the majority Younger women preferred guys
of ED. And white men don’t manscape at all by 60. Among guys who to groom more, already. Among women
complained of ED at higher do, 46% said they trim or shave occasionally, and aged 18 to 44, only 24% said men
rates than other ethnicities. 17% said they trim, shave, or wax regularly. should grow it. That number increased
to 44% for women 45 to 60 and 74%
for women over 60!
SURVEY METHODOLOGY: Men’s Health magazine conducted this survey of 1,284 adults (582 men and 702 women)
in the United States on March 20, 2019, using SurveyMonkey Audience.

D O CT OR S C A N NO T AGR E E
ON T H E R IGH T WAY T O M E A SU R E A PEN IS .
M A R K H AY I N V E ST IG AT E S W H Y.
You probably think it’s pretty easy to
measure a dick. Whip it out. Grab a
ruler. Get it hard. Have a look. Men
do it all the time—62 percent in the
MH survey said they had measured
it—with a ruler (42 percent) or tape
measure (18 percent) or other
device (2 percent), whether out of
boredom, curiosity, insecurity, or
any number of other motivations.
Scientists do it all the time as well.
Their efforts have generated data
on average penis sizes, which many
media outlets, educators, and
average men take as gospel.
But think for a moment about all
the ways you could measure your
penis and you’ll pretty quickly
find it’s not as straightforward as
it seems. Do you measure from the
top or the side? Flaccid or erect?
Morning or evening? Scientists
have been pondering these issues
for decades, developing varied
measurement tactics. But as
researchers reported in a study
on some of these approaches last
year, “little data exists on the best
technique to measure penile length.”
That could be cause for concern,
as getting a solid sense of average
penis sizes is important for more
than just personal interest. Accurate
measures may aid in developing
better-fitting condoms with
lower tear rates or help men with
confidence issues who believe
their penis is smaller than average.
So it’s worth taking a look at
when, where, and how some of the
most common figures on average
penis sizes were determined and
88 June 2019 / MEN’S HEALTH
understanding exactly how much
uncertainty remains.
Doctors have been trying to gather
solid data on average penis lengths
since the early 1940s. One of the
earliest papers on the subject dates
from 1942, when two researchers in
New York measured nearly 200 boys’
and men’s members by stretching
them while flaccid and placing a
wooden ruler atop them, butted up
against their pelvis. But the first
study of average penis lengths to
garner attention came from the father
of sexual research, Alfred Kinsey,
Sc.D. His investigation, published
in 1948, concluded that the average
stretched penis was about 6.59 inches
long. “And because he asserted
[his] expertise of science in sexual
matters,” notes Alicia Walker, Ph.D.,
a sociologist who has explored the
relation of penis size to male self-
esteem, “others assumed he really did
know” the best way to do this research.
In retrospect, though, Kinsey
used shoddy science. He interviewed
4,000 mostly white and college-aged
men and asked them to estimate
their penis size. They were each given
a take-home card with instructions
to measure themselves, then send
the card back with data. Some 2,500
replied. Kinsey’s figures have been
an inch to an inch and a half longer
than many subsequent clinical
studies found, as often happens when
you ask people to measure their
dick and just tell you about it.
Thanks to Kinsey’s influence and
the fact that no one questioned his
methodology, length data was a little
spotty throughout the mid-20th
century. In fact, Gordon Muir, a
urological surgeon in the UK who
has worked on some of the more
influential studies on penile length
in recent years, contends that “all the
data gathered before 1980” on this
subject “is completely unreliable.”
More often than not, modern
researchers have turned back to
the 1942 methodology of having a
clinician stretch a flaccid penis and
measure it with a ruler laid atop it
and pushed through the fat toward
the pelvis. (Jamming the ruler
against the pelvis emerged gradually
as the best way to control for body-fat
levels, which can make penises of
exactly the same size seem to differ.)
This was the gold standard Muir and
four of his colleagues used in their
seminal 2015 review of previous
clinical studies. That study, which
identified 20 previous studies that
met its criteria and ended up using
the combined data from 15,521 men
at least 17 years old with healthy
penises, concluded that the average
Compared with
the AVERAGE GUY,
do you
think you are:
LARGER
17%
ABOUT
THE
SAME
57%
Prop styling: Miako Katoh. Kevin Sweeney/Studio D (tape measure).
SMALLER
26%
Answering “larger” was more
common among younger
guys. When it came to ethnicity,
48% of black men answered
larger than average. And
43% of Asian men felt they
were smaller than average.
In regard to income, the
bigger your salary, the bigger
you think you are: 23% of men
earning more than $175K
answered larger.
erect dick (based on four relevant
studies) is 5.16 inches long and has an
average circumference (based on two
relevant studies) of 4.59 inches. Dr.
Muir noted that the data came largely
from Caucasian and Middle Eastern
men, making it unlikely they’d
captured a truly global penile average.
Seeking to get a better sense of
natural erections, and possibly pull
data from a wider field of subjects
than expensive and geographically
restricted clinical studies permit, at
least some researchers have opted for
self-reporting that tries
to control for the kind
Ultimately, according to Nicole
Prause, Ph.D., a neuroscientist and
sex researcher, “there are no studies
that have measured the naturally
erect male penis. So we really don’t
know what the average size” of a truly
wild, representative erect dick is.
She is still dreaming up new ways of
taking penile measurements and
muses about using 3-D imaging
or thermography technology for
more accurate readings, to be
conducted perhaps while a subject
watches an erotic film in isolation
to get naturally aroused. That
plan might provide a more reliable
measurement—of girth as well, a
metric that has been far less studied
and debated. But it would likely do
little to tackle the sample-size and
composition issues that plague
measurement studies, or the issue
of unclear turgidity differences
across time and stimuli. The truth
is, creating a practical study that
could tackle all of the complications
of dick measurement is way harder
than you’d expect.

YOUR ERECT
of overstatements that
proliferated in Kinsey
and company’s data. MH
advisor Debby Herbenick, A R E YO U R
Ph.D., a professor and
sexuality researcher, and
HABITS KILLING
her colleagues at Indiana
University published a T H E L I T T L E CHOICE S YOU M A K E I N A DAY
notable paper in 2014 based A R E SL OW LY BU I L DI NG A N E R ECT I L E HOUSE OF

on 1,661 self-measurements
pulled from a larger
study on condom fit.
Investigating how condom
fit influenced function,
they found an average erect
length of 5.57 inches.
Herbenick’s study
revealed yet another
wrinkle for researchers,
however. She believes
her team was the first to
explore how the mode of
arousal may influence
the size of an erection.
“Men who reported
receiving oral sex in
order to get their erection
for measurement,”
she says, “had a longer
measurement” on
average than men who
used other methods of
stimulation. This raises
all new questions about
how researchers can find
a real average when it’s
possible that different
types of arousal might
yield perceptibly different
measurements of the
same penis, even on the
same day.
ION?
C A R D S T H AT’S J UST WA I T I NG T O C OM E
CR A SH I NG D OW N. E R I C S P I T Z N AG E L R E V E A L S
T H E K I N D OF DAY (DAY A F T ER DAY ) T H AT C A N SET
YOU U P FOR A BON E R DISA ST E R .
7:00 A.M. WAKE UP EXHAUSTED If you’re 3:00 P.M. SKIP THE GYM Activity is an erec-
too busy to snooze, it’s your erection you’ll lose. tion preserver, says Helle Gerbild of Aalborg
It’s a terrible rhyme, but the science is airtight. University’s Center for Sexology Research in
Even in younger men, less than five hours of Denmark. It’s also a reviver: 40 minutes of at
shut-eye per night could slash daytime testos- least moderate exercise four times a week for
terone levels by up to 15 percent. six months may improve erectile problems.
9:00 A.M. RIDE YOUR BIKE TO THE OFFICE 10:00 P.M. “FORGET” TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH
Bicycle seats can kill boners, especially narrow If you don’t brush and floss for your smile,
saddles. The pressure on the perineum—the do it for your penis. Periodontal disease can
real estate between the anus and genitals—can make you more likely to suffer from ED.
damage erectile tissue, argues Irwin Goldstein,
M.D., director of San Diego Sexual Medicine.
10:15 P.M. WATCH TV IN BED “Use it or lose it”
is true, but it doesn’t take much to see improve-
10:00 A.M. POP PILLS FOR A NAGGING KNEE ment. A 2007 Finnish study found that men who
Multiple studies have found that the consistent had sex just once a week—compared with, well,
use of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs men with any amount less than that—were
(like Advil and Motrin) is related to decreased 50 percent less likely to have ED. Three-times-
testosterone levels, ED, and loss of desire. a-week guys were 80 percent less likely to have
See a doc or physical therapist, already. it. The blood flow that a boner brings prevents
scar tissue that can cause ED.
 Sometimes you look at

with danger, covered in

lumps, spots, nodules,

from the panic attacks.

A CURVED PENIS
It could be Peyronie’s

by scar tissue that pulls

FIXABILITY: It can be
treated with drugs,

at Baylor College of WHITE, YELLOWISH, OR M.D., a urology specialist at

direction and you can still
have sex that doesn’t hurt
either of you, leave it alone.
REDDISH BUMPS
These are often just
enlarged oil glands, called
Fordyce spots, says MH
advisor Elizabeth Kavaler,
Lenox Hill Hospital in New
York City. No treatment is
needed, and they typically
disappear on their own
after a few years. They

#F RE ET HE EG GP LA NT
The Fast Times of
the Eggplant Emoji
2014 _ Rapper B.o.B.
becoming a go-to phallic symbol Instagrams a selfie in
TO PARAPHRASE Freud, sometimes “literally never crossed my mind.” revealing sweatpants
an eggplant is just an eggplant. Unless tagged #EggplantFri-
it’s an emoji, and then it’s definitely a dong. For day. Soon IG bans the
most of history, bananas were the universally eggplant emoji from
Fred Benenson, who crowdsourced
accepted metaphorical penis. But it’s now its search algorithm.
impossible to look at an eggplant and see any- Fans respond with
thing but a purple pecker. How we got here: #FreetheEggplant.

90 June 2019 / MEN’S HEALTH


of The Penis Book. “The
blisters can also be tender
or painful,” he says. “As a
general rule, if it’s on
your penis and it hurts,
call your doctor.”
FIXABILITY: If you see
something suspicious, it’s
important to get tested right
away. If it’s herpes, you can’t
rid yourself of the virus; it
can lie dormant in you. But
you can get antiviral meds to
reduce outbreaks, and using
condoms can lower the risk
of spreading the infection
through sex by 30 percent.
A CAULIFLOWER-SHAPED
GROWTH
If there’s no pain or itch-
ing, you’re likely dealing
with genital warts, says
Dr. Kavaler. They’re
caused by exposure to
human papillomavirus
(HPV), which will infect
around 80 percent of
people in their lifetime
and can sometimes lead
to penile cancer.
FIXABILITY: “Genital warts
do not regress on their
own,” says Dr. Kashanian.
Treatment can include
topical lotions, cryotherapy
(freezing them off), laser
therapy, or having them
surgically removed. If
you’re not going to avoid sex
until they’re gone, you’ve
got to glove it. “However, the
Getty Images (B.o.B.)
virus can still be transmit-
ted by direct skin-to-skin
contact,” Dr. Kashanian
says. —E. S.
The Emojibator,
2016 _ The American
Notable Emoji. Linguist
Ben Zimmer notes that it
refers to “male genitalia . . . 
and eggplants.”
L M A S T U R B
N D F U
MI
SO THE MINDFULNESS
TREND HAS HIT
MASTURBATION NOW?
Stay with us for a second. For
many guys, masturbation is
about focusing on one organ
and getting the job done as
quickly as possible. But to
mindfully masturbate
involves “utilizing your whole
body, and all your senses,”
says sex therapist Chris Dona-
ghue, Ph.D., author of Sex
Outside the Lines. That means
you’re not racing for the finish
line, and your orgasm isn’t
the primary goal.
THEN WHAT’S THE POINT?
It can make sex better by
broadening your horizons.
When masturbation becomes
so formulaic that we’re
depending on certain habits
and techniques every time, “it
neurologically wires our body
and arousal in a limited and
rigid way,” Donaghue says.
OKAY, FINE. SO HOW DO I
DO THIS MINDFUL THING?
Try other approaches: See if
your body might like some-
thing different just as much as
(or more than) your standard
session. “Do you always sit?
Try standing. Are you always
quiet? Make some noise. Try it
all,” says Donaghue. Pay
attention to everything, says
Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., a sex-
Comedian Anders Holm hosts
the green end just barely wins.
A TIO
Is a Thing
uality and relationship coun-
selor. “How does your skin
feel? What temperatures,
textures, and sensations do
you experience?” she says.
You’ll become more focused
on your senses rather than
just on your ejaculation. You’ll
start to slow down and experi-
ence sex in ways you might
have been too impatient to
notice before. And if you only
masturbate with porn, take a
porn break.
NO PORN? THEN WHAT
GETS ME IN THE ZONE?
Each of us has an inventory of
sexual experiences, both fic-
tional and real, that we can
draw on while masturbating
to get us to that next level. A
poll earlier this year from dat-
ing website IllicitEncounters
.com found that these fanta-
sies can run the gamut from
coworkers (27 percent) to
friends (25 percent) to com-
plete strangers (29 percent).
But the most popular mate-
rial, picked by 55 percent of
respondents, is sex with an ex.
IF I’M WITH SOMEONE NEW,
SHOULD I REALLY BE THINK-
ING OF AN OLD FLAME?
Yup. “This is perfectly nor-
mal,” says MH advisor Justin
Lehmiller, Ph.D., a research
fellow at the Kinsey Institute.
Reliving or replaying past
2018 _ In a survey by Plenty of Fish,
75% of singles say they’re unlikely to
respond to an online flirtation that uses
an eggplant emoji, because gross.
N
experiences doesn’t mean you
have unresolved feelings for a
former partner. “People are
capable of having fantasies
that they don’t want to make a
reality,” Lehmiller says.
I GUESS, BUT I STILL FEEL
WEIRD ABOUT THIS.
You shouldn’t. First of all,
those sex throwbacks in your
memory bank aren’t very accu-
rate. And second, they’re less
about your memories of your ex
and probably more about your
memories of yourself.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I’VE BEEN GETTING OFF
THINKING OF MYSELF?
The hottest memories in your
vault may be of you being a sex
god in a past relationship—
even if it’s not true. A 2014
Duke University study found
that men were more unreli-
able narrators than women
when it came to certain
aspects of their sex backsto-
ries. “And when men were in a
great mood, they recalled hav-
ing better erections and bet-
ter orgasms than they actually
did,” says Kevin P. Weinfurt,
Ph.D., the Duke professor of
psychiatry who led the study.
That distorted memory of
yourself may help you feel
more confident and valid the
next time you have real sex.
—E. S.
2019 _ The Unicode Consortium
approves 230 new emojis. One of
them, the pinching hand, rapidly
becomes the small-dick emoji,
and the eggplant’s archnemesis.
MEN’S HEALTH / June 2019 91
 Q U E S T I O N S T O A S K YO U R S E L F
BEFORE SENDING A
DICK PIC
DO YOU KNOW THE RECIPIENT?
In general, men are more
familiar with erotic visuals
(i.e., porn) than women,
which partly explains
why I periodically receive
unsolicited dick pics from
strangers on dating apps.
It’s comparable to how cats
92 June 2019 / MEN’S HEALTH
sometimes bring their
owners critters they’ve
killed—cats enjoy eating
dead animals, so when a cat
leaves one, dead or dying, in
his owner’s bed, he thinks
he’s bringing her a tasty
treat. To clarify: A dick pic
from a stranger does nothing
for women. It is a dead vole.
Never send a dick pic to
someone who is not already
intimately acquainted with
the dick in question.
DOES THE RECIPIENT
WANT A DICK PIC?
Even when someone is
intimately acquainted with
your dick—even if you’ve
sent them oodles of noodle
pics—they might not want
to see it right then. They
might be babysitting, and in
the same instant you send
your dick pic, the babysittee
might have wrestled their
phone from their death
grip and be running around
the room with it shouting,
“Pee-pee picture! Pee-
pee picture!” It’s smart to
preface any dick pic with
something along the lines of:
“I’m so hard, want to see?”
HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU
THAT THIS PERSON WILL NEVER
SHARE YOUR DICK PIC?
Before you send a sexy
photo, you should make two
assumptions: First, that
the recipient will save it
in her phone as collateral
in case you one day wrong
her; second, that you will
become a politician. (See
also: Anthony Weiner.)
If you don’t completely

trust the recipient to use
your dick pic for good and
not for evil, don’t send it.
BEYOND VIAGRA:
“We already have excellent ED treatments that work,” says
Tobias Köhler, M.D., a Mayo Clinic urologist. But they’re not
immediate and often require effort—as in exercising, losing
weight, or quitting smoking. So researchers keep looking
New Biohacks for ED for that quick fix that will lead to boners on demand.
THE GOOD THE BAD

IS THERE ANYTHING UNSEXY
IN THE BACKGROUND?
I probably won’t notice
whether you’ve manscaped
or not, but I will definitely
notice that unidentifiable
stain on the towel hanging
behind you. Avoid taking
any sexy pictures in your
bathroom—there’s nothing
attractive about your toilet,
and mirror selfies in poor
lighting are so Myspace. I
recommend taking a photo
in your bedroom, where the
magic happens. If you’re
having trouble positioning
your phone without a mirror,
BOTOX
Botox, otherwise known as botuli-
num toxin type A, is injected into
the penis. Yes, with a needle. The
toxin paralyzes the smooth muscles
inside the penis, which, surprisingly,
ends up stimulating blood flow.
NITROGLYCERIN One in four men with ED reported
an improvement in their erections
GEL after using a topical gel containing
nitroglycerin, according to a recent
study. The gel gives your body a hit
of nitric oxide, which causes the
muscles of the penis to relax so it
can become erect.
The effects last for several months,
so it would be a four-to-five-times-
a-year procedure rather than a
pop-a-pill-every-time-you-want-sex
situation. Scientists still haven’t
figured out why using Botox doesn’t
leave guys “wandering about with an
erection,” says Nicole Prause, Ph.D., a
neuroscientist and sex researcher.
What good is an erection if you’re
not awake to enjoy it? Nitroglycerin,
explains UCLA urologist Jacob Rajfer,
M.D., “makes your blood vessels
dilate. And when they dilate, your
blood pressure drops and you get
light-headed.” You may get an erec-
tion from the gel but may feel faint,
or even lose consciousness.

put your laptop on something
waist height, open up Photo
Booth, and do a quick spin
to make sure there’s nothing
embarrassing in your shot.
Besides bathroom stuff, other
things that will distract from
your dick include: a pile of
laundry, a pile of dishes,
and your child. (See also:
Anthony Weiner, again.)
STEM-CELL
Stem cells are extracted from various
parts of your body and injected
THERAPY directly into your penis, says Jesse
Ory, M.D., a urologist at Dalhousie
University in Canada. Animal studies
have shown promising results, and a
Danish study with humans found that
nearly half the guys got boners sturdy
enough for “penetrative sex.”
SHOCK-WAVE Low-intensity extracorporeal shock-
wave therapy involves shooting sound
Those Danish results sound great
until you read the fine print and
notice that the study was so small
that only eight guys achieved erec-
tions. Not enough for anyone to
flush their blue pills down the toilet
just yet. And stem cells are tricky;
they don’t always turn into what you
want them to, says Dr. Köhler.
Because there is no FDA approval,
there are “imitation shock-wave

IS THIS DICK PIC REALLY 

THERAPY waves through erectile tissue, which
clears plaque from blood vessels
devices” out there, using “acoustic
waves unable to deliver the
ON-BRAND FOR YOU? and may promote the growth of new critical energy density,” says
blood vessels. It’s not FDA approved Dr. Goldstein. Even with treatment
A lot of men think every dick
yet, though it’s used abroad, says using legit devices, you still might
pic has to be a full-frontal Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of San need other therapies to achieve
shot of their throbbing Diego Sexual Medicine. functional hardness. —E. S.
dong. But if you’re new to
dick photography or just
feeling shy, I recommend
starting out with something Women: Have you ever received a DICK PIC?
a little less self-serious. One
All Women By Age
particularly Photoshop-
YES Our results revealed
gifted boyfriend would YES 51% NO 49%
NO
a generational gap:
decorate his dick pics 74% of women aged
with little hats or, on one 18 to 29 and 60%
occasion, Joe Biden’s of those 30 to 44
face. (Not not arousing.) I have received dick
appreciated that his dick pics pics. That drops to
40% for ages 45 to
reflected his personality. His
18–29 30–44 45–60 >60 60 and 19% for 60+.
photos also made me really Guys, take note: The
comfortable sending him The preferences are: majority of women
funny-sexy photos in return, said they would
and why are you giving out 10% UNPROMPTED,
AT ATTENTION 2% UNPROMPTED,
HANGIN’ LOOSE prefer a photo of
your abs or another
nudes if not to get nudes
27% AT MY REQUEST 61% NONE. SEND PIC OF
ABS OR OTHER PART. body part.
back? —LAUREN LARSON
 THE STA T E O F T H E A M E R I C A N P E N I S

The P E N I S Diet
N U T R I T ION IST M I K E R O U S S E L L , P H . D. , R EC OM M E N D S
Surprising,
Thriving
The

E AT I NG T H E SE EIGH T FO OD S T O BO O ST YOU R
T E ST O ST E RON E L E V E L S , WA R D OF F E R ECT I L E DYSF U NCT ION, Life of STDs
A N D GET YOU R SPE R M S W I M M I NG FA ST E R!

Only 9 percent of men in our survey

GETTING OLDER is brutal on your
penis. Testosterone levels plummet
about 1 to 2 percent a year after you hit
30, which can impact your erection. ED
affects around 40 percent of men at age
40 and 70 percent of men at age 70, ac-
cording to the Massachusetts Male Ag-
ing Study. Fortunately, there are simple
diet fixes that help you stay hard. And
because your brain, heart, and penis are
intimately connected, these foods are
good for your overall health, too.
copped to having had an STD, but the
latest CDC data reveals record num-
bers of cases. We’re siding with the
CDC here: STDs are a big problem.
But prevention is easy. “Wear con-
doms, look for sores, blah blah. What
else is there?” Quite a bit, actually.

WE’RE BREAKING STD RECORDS.

Americans have just clocked a record
for combined diagnoses of three
classic STDs—chlamydia, gonorrhea,
and syphilis—according to new data.
Plus, there are more than 35 different
types (35!) of infectious organisms rec-
ognized as being sexually transmitted.
SARDINES BEANS AVOCADOS OYSTERS Not every STD comes with symptoms,
so if you have new partners, get tested.
One 3 oz serving One of the best High in fiber and Just two of these
contains 28 percent ways to boost heart-healthy fats, shellfish satisfy A URINE TEST ISN’T THE ONLY TEST.
of your daily intake of testosterone and avocados lower your your daily intake of Many people get a urine test for two
vitamin D. The D, the reproductive health LDL cholesterol zinc, a mineral that’s common STDs—gonorrhea and chla-
vitamin, is a critical is to be lean. Beans, a and promote vital for maintaining mydia—but don’t realize they weren’t
nutrient for healthy high-fiber carb, help blood-vessel healthy testosterone tested for other diseases, like syphilis
T levels, which is control blood-sugar function, including levels, as well and HIV, that require a blood test, says
important for the D, levels and keep the plumbing as sperm numbers Mellissa Withers, Ph.D., an associate
the organ. you fuller longer. for your erection. and motility. professor at the Keck School of Medi-
cine at USC. Make sure you’re getting
a complete STD screening panel.

HERPES “TYPES” ARE MIXING.

Herpes simplex virus type 1, the virus
commonly associated with cold
sores that infects nearly 50 percent of
Americans, used to live in a different
SPINACH SPROUTED- SALMON BOK CHOY universe from herpes simplex virus
type 2, commonly associated with
This leafy green
houses a range
GRAIN BREAD Salmon contains
vitamin D, selenium,
Cruciferous veggies
like bok choy (and
genital herpes. “Due to the current
popularity of oral sex, you can get oral
of vitamins and Men who eat a and magnesium— cabbage and brocco- infections from genital infections, and
minerals, including diet rich in all of which li) contain glucobras- genital infections from cold sores,”
magnesium, a key inflammation- are necessary to sicin, a compound says Bryan Cullen, Ph.D., the director
nutrient for sustain- fighting whole support testos- that helps your body of the Center for Virology at Duke
ing healthy testos- grains are less terone levels and clear excess estro- University. Don’t assume these viruses
terone levels as you likely to suffer healthy sperm. gen. That can help will stay where they originated.
age. Eat it daily. from ED. boost your sex drive.
Getty Images (foods). Movi Inc. (Hamm). WENN (Elba).

Underwear Party MH style director Ted Stafford spotlights three ways to pamper and protect your privates.

($32; saxx-

94 June 2019 / MEN’S HEALTH

 uture of
The F

CONDOMS CONDOM-RELATED hijinks are funny on TV,
but their sensation-numbing, user-unfriendly
design means a lot of men either don’t use pro-
tection or do so improperly. In our survey, 30
percent of men said they would never use a con-
dom, because it ruins sex. As for guys who wear
condoms, as many as 60 percent make mistakes
that increase the risk for unplanned pregnancy
or STDs, according to Kinsey Institute
research. Millions of people worldwide would
be spared infections—some deadly—if con-
doms were more appealing and easier to use.
Recognizing this lack of condom innovation
as a problem, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foun-
dation announced in 2013 that it was award-
ing $100,000 grants to help bankroll
the“next generation” condom. So far, the
foundation has dished out 22 of these
grants to scientists and product devel-
opers. There’s been no real game
changer, even among those compa-
nies whose entire business model is
based on people buying condoms.
Both Trojan and LifeStyles declined
to comment for this article.
One problem is that no matter how much
you innovate, a balloon is still just a balloon,
says Robert Gorkin, Ph.D., an associate
professor and biomedical engineer at the
University of Wollongong, Australia. Gorkin
and his team received one of the grants and are
developing a condom made from hydrogels,
the nearly frictionless material used to make
soft contact lenses. “Our hydrogels are skin-
like materials—they feel like nothing’s there,”
he says. The hydrogel condom is odorless,
tasteless, and doesn’t come with any of the
allergy issues associated with latex. But since
condoms are considered medical devices,
bringing a new one to market requires clear-
ing regulatory hurdles. “A $1 million clinical
trial involving more than 35 couples should
begin this year,” he adds.
Some innovations are already available—
and solve a few of your biggest condom issues.
Another Gates-grant recipient developed an
“applicator” that allows you to slip on a condom
in less than five seconds ($9; instantcondom
.com). One now offers condoms in 60 different
sizes ($10; myonecondoms.com). And Lelo now
makes a condom with a hexagonal rib design for
better feel and fit ($35; lelo.com). It’s a start, but
unless people wake up and remember what’s at
stake when they’re not wearing a condom—
STDs, unwanted pregnancy, etc.—then no
innovation in the world is going to help.

Do you
/r/ Big Dick Problems
How VPL exposes a new frontier of masculinity.
usually wear a
CONDOM? CHECK OUT /r/bigdickproblems on Reddit and you’ll find an entire com-
munity of men earnestly asking for—and generously sharing—advice
about the problem of having a larger-than-normal penis. Much of
YES, ALL THE TIME 22% the advice involves how to prevent the visible penis line (or VPL).
Wear pants one size bigger. Try underwear with a pouch.
Our own fashion director, Ted Stafford, says certain fabrics can
24% reveal more than others. Linen, nylon-cotton blends. Anything mesh.
YES, WITH
A NEW PARTNER
The cut has an effect, of course. Fifteen years of skinny jeans have only
made things worse. But that’s changing. Pleats are back. Carpenter
SOMETIMES,
IF REQUESTED 24% pants are in. Though you may not be in a relaxed fit now, you will be.
But it’s not just about clothing.
“How can I sleep more comfortably?” “My gf wants rough sex but I can’t
stand the thought that I’m hurting her.” “Honest question: Does anyone
NO,
IT RUINS SEX 30% else here feel inadequate, even though they’re perceived as ‘big’?” A big
dick can mean embarrassment, not just masculinity.
Idris Elba was probably embarrassed when the media contemplat-
C’mon guys! Of men aged
ed his “bulge.” Same with Orlando Bloom when he was photographed
18 to 29, only 22 percent
wearing bike shorts. Jon Hamm’s publicist seemed embarrassed
said they wear a condom
when forced to make some kind of statement on the matter:
with a new partner. That
“It’s ridiculous and not really funny at all.”
increased to 36 percent
What do the New York Post and E! and Jimmy Kimmel (come on,
among men 30 to 44. The
Jimmy!) want these guys to do? When don’t men have VPL? Our
ethnicity least likely to wear
junk . . . it bulges. It’s a prominent feature of our anatomy that our
a condom: white men.
clothing can’t make disappear. You don’t need a massive penis to
Only 19 percent said they
have VPL. It’s just . . . there. Is it something we need to be mindful of?
wear one all the time.
Well, should women need to be mindful of what their breasts look like in-
side their clothing? Certainly not for anyone other than themselves. Let the
admirers admire, and the shamers shame, but walk tall, brothers, encum-
bered by nothing—except, of course, your giant hog. —ROSS MCCAMMON

MEN’S HEALTH / June 2019 95