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A Conversation on Safety in the Music Scene

Weronika Koleda

March 14, 2021

WRD 390

TABLE OF CONTENTS

3 …… Opening

4 …… Interview Quote 1

5 …… Op Ed: We Have to Talk About Boundaries and Social Responsibility in the Music Scene

7 …… Interview Quote 2

8 …… Poster

9 …… Interview Quote 3

10 …… Zine Spread

12 …… Interview Quote 4

13 …… Letter to Self: My Dear Sweet 16

15 …… Interview Quote 5

16 …… Closing

17 …… Endnotes / Bibliography

Again.
Again.
Again.
And Again.

It’s grown to become more than sickening. The disgusting frequency has left a chronic churning of nausea
that now feels like it’s always been there. I wonder how it can be purged after it’s cemented itself into
normalcy. This is a problem beyond a few bad apples that make my stomach lurch.

I am not the first to say that music has felt like home to me since I was a kid. I also wouldn’t be the first
to say that I have long felt a strong gravitational pull towards the people playing the music I loved so
much. Something so strange, so foreign, and yet so personal. Vulnerability and community have been
ingrained into the music scene from the beginning––it’s what makes music so magical. That is, until it’s
commodified, manipulated, abused.

The preceding year has made me afraid, afraid not only for myself but especially for young people who
were just like me at 16. One by one my eyes scanned the names of men who have robbed girls of their
innocence and groomed them into their grasp. I think of every brave voice that broke their silence and
send them love. How cruel it is for so many to begin their nights dancing, singing, or playing and
finishing it as a foul man’s conquest. This is an industry that––from top to bottom––is responsible for
making pawns of women, crafting a teenage dream turned trauma story. “I’m sorry” doesn’t cover it
anymore. How do we do better when the industry that fabricated those feelings of home for us when we
were kids, doesn’t give a fuck about us?

We’ve reached a peak in the scene where it’s growing difficult to ignore the conversations that need to be
happening. It’s tinnitus that keeps our ears ringing, the sharp pitch lingers. Even when everyone is quiet
and no one says a word, the ringing, we all hear it. If music is a community effort, then it’s necessary to
peel back what this has stood for and how we must redefine it. Connection with others is a gift that turns
into a burden when it becomes abrasive.

I am angry. I’ve been angry. It’s time to make that anger productive.

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Q: ESPECIALLY OVER THIS PAST YEAR, THERE’S BEEN SO MANY ALLEGATIONS

SURROUNDING SEVERAL BANDS IN THE SCENE. HOW DO YOU THINK WE CAN
WORK TO MAKE SHOWS A SAFER SPACE AND HOW DO YOU TRY TO ENFORCE
THIS IDEA AT YOUR SHOWS?

A: “The silence is deafening, it’s been happening for way too long. In our industry, in any industry. And
people aren’t held accountable for it. People need to be held accountable. It’s not about canceling, it’s
about people understanding what’s wrong and to change their actions. Basically, creating space for
people to change their behaviors and then be like, ‘oh, shit.’ Like actually realize it, like not just a cop-out
like ‘oh, I didn’t know.’ Or ‘oh, I thought it was okay.’ Or ‘I know that guy, he wouldn’t do that.’ Which, in
my situation, all of those things were said. And I got gaslit, by people I thought were my friends, at a very
young age.”

> > >< < <

We Have to Talk About Boundaries and Social Responsibility in the Music Scene

In the midst of a global pandemic, when live shows have left music halls vacant, a rise in urgent
conversations has been making noise in the online sector of the music scene. Throughout the summer,
numerous women had individually come forward to vocalize their experiences with harassment, abuse,
and grooming at the hands of men across the industry. A January 2021 article from the LA Times recalled
the stories of many of these women, who’s vocality on their experiences contributed to the downfall of the
now infamous Burger Records. Instances of abuse, harassment, and general misogyny in the music scene
have deep roots in history. However, these recent events (in addition to the growing online culture of
#MeToo movements and others similar to it) have established a greater mainstream urgency regarding the
horrific realities in the overall music world. Resulting from the experiences of the people who have come
forward are the needed conversations regarding accountability and the protection of minors, which have
evidently uncovered some blurred lines for certain individuals.

The conversation around the grooming of minors, particularly surrounding the entertainment industry, is
often met with a conflicted and distorted perception of the fundamentals of consent. Looking at the
definition of the word itself, some community members appear to understand that “Consent is an
agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity”. Yet, the part of the definition that details the
inability of a minor to give consent is where complexities arise. Often embedded in the apologies of
perpetrators (or those attempting to rationalize the unethical interactions) is the questioning of the girl’s
openness to the “relationship”, the fact that she never really said “no”.

First and foremost, this frame of mindset correlates directly with placement of the blame back onto the
victim, indicating that the manipulation and abuse began at the hands of the very person who was
mistreated. There may be a greater clarity in the distinction of “no” as a social boundary, yet the absence
of that simple word should not be equated to righteousness. People are still able to cause hurt even when a
supposed “yes” was uttered, as in the case of the 2018 allegations against indie rocker BØRNS. Beyond
the word “no”, social boundaries begin to enter deeply murky waters where responsibility becomes
increasingly evaded.

Why don’t young girls just say no? It is largely public commonplace that teenagers and kids are a highly
impressionable group. While this power of being influenced is often needed as a matter of learning and
growing, it quickly becomes a sensitive point in vulnerability. Adolescence is a life stage largely defined
by trying to find one’s place in the world and feeling secure in oneself; therefore, there is an attraction to
having someone make you feel “special”. This notion of being chosen as “special” by an adult is fueled
by the idea that attention from older guys has been ingrained as desirable in the minds of young girls.

The “legendary'' and “icon” statuses donned by rock stars and musicians has paved a longstanding
foundation of a persona who is above the average person’s way of life. Household names like Led
Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page or David Bowie contributed to normalizing unethical relations with underage
girls. Rock star has become a cultural label where the “R” certainly doesn’t stand for “responsibility”.
Perhaps it is partially due to such cultural leverage that musicians’ behavior has been too often swept
under the rug. Any band––internationally famous or locally known––with a platform of young fans who
idolize them can be dangerous with the absence of legitimate boundaries.

Because of such power dynamics remaining deeply ingrained in the social hierarchy of the scene, we
must stop asking why a young girl didn’t say “no”, and instead begin asking why the older man didn’t
take responsibility to set a boundary. We must reflect upon why we place further blame and excuses on a
minor who was not in a greater position of authority, instead of better holding accountable those who have
been granted a reputation of grandeur. If we are able to talk about girls as adults with full autonomy and

awareness despite manipulation, then why do we not place those pressures of accountability on to the
actual adults who make the power moves?

The music scene has failed as a community to uphold a common responsibility to place boundaries as a
means of keeping young people safe. A conversation must be upheld that tells men that, as adults, they
still possess the social responsibility to stop a situation from progressing when involving a minor. This
applies even when said minor is enthusiastic about the interaction. While it is basic human decency to
express kindness to one’s fans and remain friendly, an ethical boundary must be drawn before that
friendliness advances into a personal relationship with an impressionable teenager. Regardless of whether
“cruel intentions” were or were not involved, it is simply not ethical for a minor to be emotionally
involved with a full-grown adult. A grown man who claims he is still “a kid at heart” does not win a free
pass to pursue a relationship with someone who still has to ask their parents for permission to go to their
show.

The conversations coming out of the past year point the scene a step in the right direction, yet the road to
keep going is a long one. It is imperative to continue to discuss how responsibility and accountability
must function in communities from this point forward. Recognizing the need to set social boundaries
allows us to acknowledge the faulty blames that were wrongly placed on the women who have spoken
out. Simultaneously, these actions commit to taking preventative measures to protect girls going to shows
today. Effective communication is what must precede a stronger foundation of physical actions working
to protect the youth. It’s time to start asking the right questions and demanding accountability from those
who avoided legitimate responsibility for their actions. The pandemic will end one day, bringing back the
intimate connections between artists and fans. When this inevitably happens, it is the hope of many that
we re-enter these spaces committed to making them safer.

> > >< < <

Q: YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN VERY VOCAL REGARDING YOUR ACTIVISM, HOW DO
YOU BELIEVE ARTISTS CAN USE THEIR PLATFORM TO KEEP THE SCENE SAFE AND
ENGAGE IN SOCIAL JUSTICE?

A: “We have to start by shifting the idea of being like, “We need to punch people” to “We need to protect
people.” And then punch people, you know what I mean? The most important thing is stopping it before
you have to start punching people, and calling it out. We have to make it unsafe for predators. Yeah, I
wanna punch these guys as much as the next person. And I have, and it’s a great feeling. Trust me. They
can’t be in these spaces where they feel like this is something they can do. You have to make that very
known, and put those boundaries first, and call it out publicly.”

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“I remember when we were playing this show there was some dude creeping on this girl, and I was kind
of near the wall. She came over and wedged herself between me and the wall. We’re kind of at a point
where if you’re a non-dude, other non-dudes will feel comfortable asking for help. I hope people come to
me and uses my body as a shield against someone I don’t want to be around. But as much as we do that,
when we say there’s an issue like ‘if there’s an issue, come to us,’ the onus is on those people who are
doing the shitty thing to change their behavior. There’s only so much we can do to raise awareness. That
really lies on the people who are abusing other people.”

> > >< < <

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Q: WE’RE KIND OF AT A PIVOTAL TIME IN THE MUSIC SCENE WHERE THERE’S BEEN A
CONVERSATION ABOUT MAKING SPACES SAFER AND UPLIFTING THE VOICES OF NON-CIS
MEN. WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT?

A: “So I’ve been in bands in Minneapolis for a long-ish time and the evolution of where we were having
this conversation ten years ago, and where we are having them now is miles and miles apart. It’s
incredible how much things have shifted….The way that people talked about us and the way that people
wrote about us and the way that people dealt with us at shows, and just like the stuff we had in not only
the venue scene but in the smaller DIY scene it just wasn’t––these conversations were happening with us
and our immediate friend groups, but it’s like, you’d walk down the street to the next punk house and it
wouldn’t be happening and you would feel really unsafe and you would feel really shitty. You would feel
really unwelcome, and I know that still exists now, but at least it feels like now we can have a
conversation about it and we can recognize it and we can see what it means to develop these safer
spaces.”

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My Dear Sweet 16,

Things are about to get kind of weird, but it’s inevitable when you’ve been in it since the ripe age of eight.
As a longtime boyband junkie you’ve got a solid momentum going. It really kind of shaped you and the
people you cry-laugh on the couch in the basement with over a greasy pizza from across the street. But
you already know that. I won’t spoil everything for you, but you’ll realize some things over the next few
years.

By now you’ve probably heard the phrase “never meet your heroes” or whatever. You clearly won’t give a
damn and spend hours of your time and too much of your parent’s money to break that rule on multiple
occasions. It’ll be really embarrassing and your hands will be shaking every time, but at least you never
cried in front of a bunch of grown ass dudes. It’s something to laugh about now, but it was ultimately
worth it. I know you felt real special.

You’ll experience many of these euphoric moments where reality hits just a little different in the years to
come, but I’m here now to give you a bit of a reality check. You’ve attached yourself and your soul to a
lot of older guys making art that you really love, and you have to be careful you don’t float up too far
from the ground so that the fall doesn’t break your ankles or your heart. I don’t mean to come across as a
dark premonition warning that something awful will happen to you. You’re lucky. But some things have
to be said in order for you to avoid shaking another man’s hand that was simultaneously sending sexually
charged messages to underage girls on the side (Yeah, that actually happened).

You’ve spent a lot of your life putting men on pedestals larger than yourself and larger than life. As you
get older and a little taller, that pedestal’s screws and bolts will begin to loosen. It’s a strange feeling to
realize that you now occupy the same adult world as the very people you’ve looked up to. But it’s so
necessary to hold them and yourself up to the same human adult standards. It’s when you come to this
idea that you realize the high standards you held over these men is part of the reason they felt so
untouchable, that they weren’t capable of doing wrong. It will take a while, but you’ll eventually put your
Big Girl Glasses and start to see that everyone is capable of bullshit.

It seems pretty simple, but by the time you’re grown up you will learn to look at everyone as a person. I
mean, yeah duh everyone has always been a person. But what I mean is that a person is someone that
exists in our current reality and not the one painted in your head. When someone becomes an idea in your
head because you don’t know them well enough personally, you control the narrative. I’m trying to tell
you that your favorite people exist outside of that narrative, and you’ll eventually come to terms with that.
It’s ok to criticize and it’s ok to disagree with your heroes. These become healthy boundaries that allow
you to look at these people objectively.

I know that by now you know well enough what it means to be respectful and what it means to be kind. If
you can look at a famous musician through human eyes well enough to know that they deserve privacy
and respect, you can recognize that same humanity can also lead them to fuck things up. I don’t mean that
everyone is a bad man, but understanding this stuff is important when the time comes to call people out
on their shit. Showing up for those who are vulnerable and those who have been hurt is a lot more
important that blindly kissing the ground a bunch of dudes walk on. Let this be a reminder for you to
show up for yourself and others, especially those younger than you, like I’m showing up for you right
now.

Anyways, you’re 22 now. There’s a lot more you know now and you see things better in their true colors.
You’re smarter and make better spending decisions (of your time, money, and otherwise), but you still
kind of feel the same. You’ll still want to meet people, but look them in the eye instead of into the stars.
You’ll eventually learn what a “punisher” is from a Phoebe Bridgers song and have a moment of panic

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thinking, “shit, is that what I am?” And I’m sorry to say you won’t end up marrying a Jonas Brother
(they’re all kind of taken anyways). But you’re ok with that.

With love,
You at 22

> > >< < <

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“…We were teenagers, and we were basically trying to spread the good word of feminism––that’s like
gospel as teenagers. I remember when we were younger we used to play these shows and we would be like
‘Yeah! Feminism is good’, and people would leave, like the majority...I was maybe 18 or 19 years old, so
like five or six years ago. That’s not super long ago…. I’m sort of becoming aware of that stuff and
growing up in that and seeing the way I’m treated and the way I’m perceived by others…. We are making
progress but it’s like a snail’s pace at this point. It’s like okay I discovered this when I was 18 and now I’m
24, like can we get moving?”

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A tumultuous cycle of mistreatment in an industry as power-driven as live entertainment proves to be a

massive challenge to break. What power does the average person possess on the defending end? Where
should action begin in order for it to promote lasting change?

We have entered a point where there’s greater invitation to produce a conversation regarding safety and
responsibility. These conversations start at home, with local communities, with online outreach. There is a
smaller expanse of silence and passivity when the discussion on predatory actions is what is taking up
space. Cast a light on the elephant in the room.

When the idea of tackling a twisted yet normalized system of power dynamics becomes too heavy to bare,
one may still find productivity in their own voice and intention. As a result of the experiences shared and
heard, many of us hold onto sentiments of anger and disappointment, which can in turn be vocalized or
transformed into a tool with means. Look to those who have shared their story, who have verbalized a
commitment to change, who have spoken through their art.

The issue of harassment, abuse, and overall unethical behavior amongst the music industry produces a
discourse that simply cannot be adapted overnight, for the weight of it all is far too heavy. There is too
much to be said that does not fit concisely here. Take this as a conversation starter. Take the rest of the
words with you so that this was all worth something.

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ENDNOTES / BIBLIOGRAPHY

Chan, Anna. The Regrettes' Lydia Night Accuses SWMRS' Joey Armstrong of 'Emotional Abuse & Sexual
Coercion'. 21 July 2020. 2021. <https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/9421484/lydia-night-
accuses-joey-armstrong-abuse>.

Gelt, Jessica. The women who brought down Burger Records. 24 January 2021. 2021. <https://
www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/music/story/2021-01-24/burger-records-musicians-sexual-
misconduct>.

Jensen, Stephanie. CREATING A SAFER SCENE: Sexual Abuse and Harassment in Music. 17 July 2020.
2021. <https://outburn.com/all-features/creating-a-safer-scene-sexual-abuse-and-harassment-in-
music/>.

Kill, Bikini. "Don't Need You." Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah. 1993. Song. <https://genius.com/Bikini-kill-dont-
need-you-lyrics>.

Nastasi, Alison. 10 Cultural Icons’ Letters to Themselves. 2013 October 2013. 2021. <https://
www.flavorwire.com/420782/10-cultural-icons-letters-to-themselves>.

RAINN. What Consent Looks Like. n.d. 2021. <https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent>.

Reilly, Nick. Panic! At The Disco confirm departure of guitarist Kenny Harris after sexual misconduct
claims. 24 September 2018. 2021. <https://www.nme.com/news/music/panic-at-the-disco-
confirm-departure-of-guitarist-kenny-harris-after-sexual-misconduct-claims-2382891>.

Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Riot Grrrl. n.d. 2021. <https://library.rockhall.com/riot_grrrl>.

Sippell, Margeaux. BØRNS Denies Sexual Harassment Allegations Following Flood of Claims on Social
Media . 25 September 2018. 2021. <https://variety.com/2018/music/news/borns-denies-sexual-
harassment-allegations-following-flood-of-claims-on-social-media-1202957771/>.

Wilson, Chris. THE KING OF NINETIES CONCERT ART BREAKS DOWN HIS GREATEST ROCK
POSTERS EVER. 6 April 2017. 2021. <https://www.maxim.com/style/king-of-concert-art-rock-
posters-2017-4>.